


(It’s dark inside) It’s where my demons hide

by ThornedRose44



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A hell of a lot fluffier than the other tags imply, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Badass Lexa, Child Abuse, Crimes & Criminals, Cute Aden, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sad Clarke, Sad Lexa, Serial Killers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 204,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11598426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornedRose44/pseuds/ThornedRose44
Summary: ‘You were a troublemaker? I don’t believe it, you always follow the rules.’ Aden shook his head in disbelief.‘Don’t get any ideas. Trust me when I say the new sheriff isn’t going to let you get away with anything, not even jaywalking.’‘Ma!’ Aden laughed, he turned back in his seat and was about to unpause his game when one more question rose to his mind. ‘What did you love most about the town?’Clarke.Lexa gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. The answer reverberated around her head as her heart banged out the quiet rhythm that had been silently playing since she left her hometown, finally unleashed and screaming it’s answer at full volume.-Ten years later, Lexa is back in town with her newly adopted son Aden to escape the demons she's accumulated since leaving the town of 'Skyark'. She is hoping that by returning to her hometown she can provide Aden the childhood he deserves away from the nightmares of their past.Clarke has never been able to escape thoughts of her green eyed childhood best friend. And is finally realising she would do anything to get her back.





	1. The Return

Lexa tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and examined the empty room in front of her. This room had seen a lot of changes inside Lexa, it had seen her peak in her career, it had seen her at her most resolute, at her bravest and then it had seen her broken, fractured and shattered. She loved this room, though, for the moments following her nightmares and her breakdowns.

She would sit on the sofa that used to occupy the centre of the room and flick listlessly through channels waiting for Aden to also appear, his nightmares chasing him into the sanctuary of her arms on the leather couch. She would hug him to her and run her hands through his golden hair until the trembling stopped (hers and his). Lexa would give a final tight squeeze before extracting herself from the sofa and crossing to the kitchen which was tucked into the corner of the open plan apartment. Whilst she pulled out a tub of ice cream and two spoons, Aden was selecting the Disney film they would curl up and watch.

Lexa loved this room as it was where she and Aden had become a family.

It was the room where he first called her ‘Ma’. It was the room where she cried for the first time since she was a teenager running away from home and it was the room that saw the only time she ever cried out of pure joy. It was the room where she realised that her life had one purpose and one purpose only and that was to protect this small boy with every fibre of her being. Even at the expense of her own heart’s desires and wants. Then again, that hasn’t been an issue as of yet as all she wants, all she needs is for this boy (her recently adopted son) to be happy and loved.

“Lincoln just took down the last box. Are you ready, Lexa?” Anya spoke softly as she hovered in the doorway. Lexa assumed that Anya had been standing there for a while wishing to give her time.

“I’m ready.” Lexa let out a slow breath, untucked her hands from her pockets, turned and strode towards one of her best friends. She stopped within arm’s reach of Anya, dipped her head to avoid eye contact and whispered, “I’m going to miss you.” They had been to hell and back together and seen each other at their best and worst, yet they still struggled to be honest with the depth of their affection for one another. Most of the time their affection was communicated through barbed comments, derogatory nicknames, cold eyebrow raises and a constant rolling of the eyes.

Anya huffed, shook her head, shrugged and rolled her eyes. _Wow,_ Lexa thought, _four dismissive actions, she must really love me._ There was a long pause. Lexa was determined to wait her out. Anya nudged her calf with her booted foot. “Ditto”, she whispered.

In Lexa’s defence she tried really hard to hold off the grin but she couldn’t fight it off even with her in built and developed stoicism. “Jesus Christ, Anya, don’t get all emotional on me. Next thing you know you’re going to declare your undying love for me and get down on one knee.” Lexa chuckled, breaking the tension that had built between them.

Anya laughed in return and shoved Lexa’s shoulder with one hand, “Oh, fuck off.” Anya then grabbed her forearm and tugged her into a tight hug, her arms encircling her shoulders, Lexa’s wrapping around her waist in response. “I’m going to be visiting you and the gremlin as often as possible. And you know, if you need anything I’m not that far away…?” Lexa tightened her arms to show her overwhelming gratitude for Anya’s unspoken promise of _I’ll be there if you need anything._ “C’mon,” Anya spoke her voice returning to her more clipped tone - not out of cruelty, it was simply her natural tone ( _Lincoln says she has a resting bitch voice to go alongside her resting bitch face)_. “At this rate, by the time you get downstairs Aden will have drained the battery of that new Nintendo and will have no entertainment for the ride and you do not want that boy in charge of the radio, he has the music taste of a 12 year old girl.”

Lexa laughed as they moved through the doorway and hesitated only for a couple of seconds as she closed the door gently behind herself.

            -

Aden and Lincoln were waiting down by the car, the fully loaded moving van was pulling away and would meet them at the house. Anya gave Lexa’s shoulder a quick squeeze before calling out, “Hey, gremlin. Get your butt over here and give your aunt Anya a hug.” Aden, who was in dire need of a haircut, peered out from under his floppy golden hair and gave his aunt his most genuine smile. It was a toothy grin that reached up to his soulful blue eyes, it was a grin that could light up the darkest night and it was the one thing that chased dark thoughts and shadows from Lexa faster than anything else in this world. Aden, with all the exuberance expected of a ten year old sprinted into the open arms of his aunt who easily lifted him up and swung him round.

Lexa smiled and shook her head as she walked over to Lincoln who also opened his arms to give her his signature bear hug. Lincoln and Aden had said their goodbyes whilst Lexa and Anya were doing theirs.

Lincoln pulled away but maintained contact by gripping her biceps and looking down into her eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Lexa leaned back a bit in her other best friend’s grip and squinted up into his deep brown eyes. Lincoln had been her strong and steady constant for the past few years and had been one of the main reasons she had been able to make it through her recent trauma. Lexa had, in turn, been there for him for his own dark days.

Lexa and Anya had become friends like a large rock thrown into a river they had clashed initially and learnt to flow and ebb around each other. There was no way to remove the rock from the river anymore as it had dug itself into the riverbed as if it had grown there. Lexa and Lincoln, on the other hand, had a friendship like a tree, its growth had come from roots buried in darkness before sprouting and living in the light.

“You know, that is a terrifying opening line?” Lexa said with a light tone, she knew it couldn’t have been a bad thing, Lincoln’s eyes were shining too bright for there to be something wrong.

“Depends on how keen on me you are…”, Lincoln raised his eyebrows and squeezed her arms.

“Linc,” Lexa whispered her voice turning mock serious as she looked around in clear exaggeration, “you know I’m gay, right?”

Linc snorted in return and shook his head in exasperation. “Yes, I remember in vivid detail, I still get uncomfortable flashbacks to walking in on you and Gemma.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and tutted, “That was your own fault.”

“My fault?” Linc said with incredulous wide eyes. “You were going hot and heavy on  _my_ couch, in _my_ apartment.”

“You left, we didn’t think you would be back that quickly.”

“I went to the bathroom.” Lexa blushed in response. “I don’t know which concept is worse that you are good enough to start and finish her in the time it took me to go to the bathroom or that she was just that easy. Either of which I could never look her in the eye afterwards.”

Lexa whose ears were burning from the depth of her blush murmured, “A bit of both.” Lincoln laughed and patted her on the shoulder like the proud brother figure he had become. “So what’s the news?” Lexa said returning to the matter at hand.

“I’m opening up my own bar, Jordan said he would invest and be a silent partner.” Lexa’s jaw dropped and she squealed with joy as Lincoln’s dream was coming true. He had been working at TriKru bar for a few years now, it was run by Jordan who had taken Lincoln under his wing teaching him everything he would need one day to be able to open his own bar.

“Lincoln that’s incredible. How long have you known?”

“A couple of days.” Lincoln said shyly at Lexa’s impassioned response.

“What?!” Lexa whacked his broad chest with the back of her hand after pulling him in for another tight embrace. “You should’ve told us, we would have had a celebration.” Lincoln shrugged half-heartedly.

“I expect you at the grand opening.” Lincoln said with a glint in his eye and a slight smirk.

Lexa felt a tightness in her chest, she didn’t want to make a promise to him that she couldn’t guarantee. “I’ll try my best to be there but with-“

“Nah, you have no excuse considering I’m opening the bar in Skyark.” Lincoln quickly cut in breaking into one of the widest grins Lexa had ever seen.

“You’re moving to Skyark as well?” Lexa’s heart shuddered with unadulterated joy as Linc nodded and swept her up in his arms and twirled her round.

“Ma, did uncle Linc tell you the news?” Aden yelled as they spun. Lincoln stopped only to pull Aden and Anya into a group hug.

“Yes. It would appear that we are never going to be rid of this big lug. And I’m sure Anya will be visiting so much we will have to start charging her rent.” Lexa giggled.

“Don’t worry Commander, I won’t be there to visit you, I’ll be popping into hang out in the soon-to-be coolest bar in the country, where I better be drinking for free by the way, and to make sure you’re feeding the gremlin.” Anya drawled from somewhere within the family hug.

Aden let out yet another complaint about his gremlin nickname whilst Lincoln was quick to tell Anya that not only would she not be getting drinks for free she would have to pay double for them. Lexa smiled as her family bickered away and before she knew it Aden and herself were loaded into the car and the SatNav and music were primed. Anya placed a kiss on Aden’s head and Lexa’s cheek and made her promise to text when they got there. Lincoln told them that he would be moving down in the next couple of weeks. Then they were on the road and off to start the next chapter in their lives. Or in Lexa’s case reopen one.

* * *

They were halfway through their four hour journey to their new home when Aden pulled his headphones out of his ears and paused his game. “Hey, Ma?”

“Yeah, sweetie?” Lexa said as she turned down the radio and flicked her eyes over to her son.

“What was it like?”

“What was what like?” Lexa raised in her eyebrows in confusion.

“Skyark. What was it like growing up there?” Aden asked shifting in his seat to face his Ma more fully.

Lexa let out a small exhale, she had answered various questions about the town they were moving to but had been hesitant to go into her own history with the place.

“Did you like growing up there? Were you happy?” _Sweet, sweet little Aden,_ Lexa whispered to herself. When she took him in, she promised she would never lie to him (Santa Claus being the only exception she allowed herself), but there were some questions she hoped she would never have to answer. Stories she would never willingly give up and she had skirted around them without much difficulty for the past couple of years but she knew that Skyark would remove that ease.

"Yes and no." She uttered after a moment's hesitation. She flicked her eyes back to Aden for a second seeing the question forming on his lips. No question came. For one so young, Aden was wise beyond his years and never pushed when he knew he was skirting those things that Lexa wished not to speak of. It hurt Lexa deeply to think Aden had to censor himself, she wanted him to feel comfortable asking her anything so she pushed forward to expand her answer. “My home life wasn’t particularly happy. I didn’t get very lucky in terms of foster families…” Lexa trailed off and left the rest unsaid.

A face of sad contemplation overtook Aden’s features, and Lexa felt a tightening around her heart. _I can’t believe this incredible child is mine_. “Buuuutttt….” Lexa extended out the word, filling it with as much positivity as she could muster to pull Aden away from his dark thoughts. “I had pretty incredible friends and everyone in the town looked out for me. I may have drawn the short straw with foster families but I won the lottery with the town.” That pulled a smile from underneath the mop of golden hair. “My friends and I used to get into a lot of trouble, as kids and teenagers do in a small town with slow internet, but the sheriff at the time always had our best interests at heart. He let us get away with a hell of a lot and always made sure we could call him if we got in trouble. The town is full of people who put others before themselves.” Lexa glanced back over to Aden to see if she had reassured him only to see a huge smirk on his face.

“You were a troublemaker? I don’t believe it, you always follow the rules.” Aden shook his head in disbelief.

“Don’t get any ideas. Trust me when I say the new sheriff isn’t going to let you get away with anything, not even jaywalking.”

“Ma!” Aden laughed, he turned back in his seat and was about to un-pause his game when one more question rose to his mind. “What did you love most about the town?”

_Clarke._

She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. The answer reverberated around her head as her heart banged out the quiet rhythm that had been silently playing since she had left her hometown, finally unleashed and screaming its answer at full volume.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

_Clar-ke. Clar-ke. Clar-ke_

“Um… The people. That’s what I love most about the town.” Aden nodded and accepted the answer, unpausing his game. _It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t as specific an answer as it could be._

Lexa turned the radio back up trying to drown out the past.

* * *

 

"Griffin. Griffin. Griffin!”

Clarke groaned from underneath the covers of her bed. She felt an arm tighten around her middle and a kiss underneath her ear. “I think your friend is trying to get your attention.” A husky voice and hot breath whispered into her ear.

Clarke rolled over, patted the arm wrapped around her waist and squirmed away from the body too close to her own. Brown eyes were watching her as she pulled herself out of bed and yelled out, “Chill your jets, Raven! I’m alive, I swear.”

“Thank god, because I’m dying and I need you to make me coffee and breakfast.” Raven groaned from somewhere else in the apartment. Clarke rolled her eyes which sent a stabbing pain through her head as her hangover made sure it’s presence was known.

“I should probably get going.” The blonde still in the bed said as she wrapped the duvet around herself and got up to start pulling on her clothes from last night. Clarke made a slight noncommittal humming sound as she finished pulling on her favourite pair of grey sweatpants and her beloved blue Skyark High School jumper. “I had a good time, last night. Call me if you want to meet up?” Clarke leant against her set of drawers and watched as - _Niamh? Nicky or was it Niylah? Niylah, definitely Niylah, at least I think that’s her name_ \- zipped up her dress and slipped on her heels. Clarke appreciated that she was quick and hadn’t demanded a phone call, she merely made the option known.

Clarke nodded slightly in response. _She would not be calling but there was nothing gained by being rude._ “Do you want some coffee before you go?”

Niylah was already shaking her head before Clarke finished the question. Niylah was aware enough to know it was a hollow offer. “Thanks, but I should be getting back.” She strode gracefully over to Clarke who was still leant against the drawers with her arms crossed and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, “See you around, Clarke.” And with that Niylah went the same way as Clarke’s many other one night stands, through her bedroom door and out of the apartment, never to return again.

Clarke sighed and pushed off from the drawers and moved into the hallway. Raven gave out another groan and Clarke followed it into the living room where Raven was laid out on the sofa still in the tight jeans and silky red tank top that she had worn last night. One arm was thrown over her eyes to keep out any form of light that might try to sneak past the drawn curtains. “Where’s my coffee, Griffin?”

“It’s coming.” Clarke tutted as she strode by running her fingers through her own locks to untangle her bed hair.

Raven snorted and Clarke knew before she even spoke what she was going to say, “Yeah, like you were last night?”

“You know, you’re not as funny as you think you are.” Clarke called out as she pulled out two mugs and started on the coffee and breakfast. She heard Raven wince as she sat up too quickly in her outrage.

“I am hilarious, and you fucking know it.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so, and I’m a genius so I know what I’m talking about.”

Clarke came back into the living room and passed Raven a cup of coffee as she was now sitting up and resting her head in her hands. Clarke went back and made a breakfast of bacon and eggs and then the two girls curled up on the sofa and flicked aimlessly through the channels before settling on an innocuous sitcom.

* * *

They had been sat there for nearly an hour after having finished their breakfast but both were still gathering enough strength to get up and get showered when Clarke could no longer take the slight sighs and fidgeting from Raven.

“What is it?” Raven turned and looked at Clarke in surprise and confusion. “You have something you want to say, what is it?”

Raven’s fidgeting stopped and she went very still as she summoned her courage to approach the topic that was bothering her. Raven was known for never shying away from a hard conversation with anyone, except for Clarke. There was a deep friendship between the two of them but deep cracks as well that neither wanted to step on, which resulted in Raven’s rather uncharacteristic restraint that only Clarke was on the receiving end of. “Are you going to call the girl from last night?”

Clarke immediately uncurled herself and sat up straight pushing herself as far away from Raven as she could, tucking herself against the other end of the red couch. “No.” She answered with a clipped tone. She knew where this conversation was going, they had circled around it numerous times before. It was the only thing Raven would try to push past her normal restraint for.

“Hmm…” There was a pause, a lull.

Sometimes Raven would stop here, only a few times would she push on with further light questions. Today, though was different. Today, Raven must have steeled herself because she tore down the curtain between the two friends determined to see the person pulling the strings behind the fabric.

“Have you ever thought of getting in contact with Lexa?” She said it in a light and breezy tone but the words still cut deep.

“...Lexa?” Clarke whispered in a quiet voice, as the equivalent of rigor mortis set in with how stiff she had gone.

“Yeah, she seemed to make you happy. It might be good for you to reach out to your childhood best friend. See what she’s up to?”

“You’ve been talking to my dad haven’t you? He made you say that.” Clarke replied with a tone so cold, Raven wouldn’t have been surprised if there was now a layer of frost coating every surface in the living room.

“No.” Raven sighed. “You did.” Clarke’s head snapped round to look at her with confusion. “Nearly every happy story you tell has her in it.” Raven explained.

Raven had never met Lexa as Raven and Clarke had met in college and by that point Clarke and Lexa were no longer in contact. She felt like she knew Lexa, though, as she was usually the main character in all of Clarke’s stories and once she and Clarke had moved back to her hometown, the stories had grown. Octavia, Bellamy, Murphy, Monty and Jasper (Clarke’s and Lexa’s childhood friends known as 'The Delinquents') expanded and added to the stories of this still unmet girl, who had left the town without a word two days before their high school graduation ceremony only to be never heard from again. The delinquents (a group she was now a part of) let her know on the sly that Clarke knew why Lexa had left but had never spoken about it. It was one of the town’s greatest mysteries and to this day it still fuelled conspiracies in the town’s local cafe (The Hub). By far the biggest fan and main source of trying to get Clarke to open up about what happened with Lexa was none other than Jake Griffin. He was the only one who could get away with trying to nudge Clarke about Lexa and told even more stories about his daughter and her former best friend than anyone else.

“When you get upset or need distracting everyone knows to ask you to repeat stories like the time you flooded the middle school, or turned the football pitch’s grass purple before the homecoming game or the time you literally painted the town red. And those stories cheer you up, specifically, because they are about you and Lexa.” Raven tried to speak as softly as possible, something rather difficult and out of the norm for her - _then again, having this conversation was so far out of the norm, I could be in a parallel universe -_ but Raven had promised herself last night at the party when she watched Clarke pull the blonde into the taxi as they headed home that things would change.

Raven had no issue with Clarke having one night stands -  _you go, girl, do what makes you happy -_ the issue was that Raven had caught a glimpse of Clarke’s eyes from the front seat of the taxi whilst her newest conquest was kissing up her neck. Her usual bright blue eyes just appeared hollow and uninterested. Raven had never seen any romantic interest make her eyes shine half as bright as a single Lexa story would do. So Raven was determined to start this conversation. She knew it wouldn’t last long but she intended to start it and from now on bring it up regularly. She wanted her friend to be happy, and could no longer sit on the side-lines; she was joining Jake on the front lines to fight for Clarke’s heart.

“Pfft… that has nothing to do with Lexa, they are just hilarious stories.” Clarke shook her head and reset her focus to the television trying to convey an end to the conversation.

“No, Clarke, you can’t say her name without smiling.”

Clarke snorted in derision. “Bullshit.” Silence settled, the only sound being the recorded laughing playing between jokes on the tv.

“Either way, what’s the harm in reaching out?” Raven said in a last ditch effort. Clarke didn’t say anything and kept her eyes fixed forwards; Raven sighed, getting to her feet to go and get showered. _It’s a small first step, but at least it’s a step,_ Raven thought to herself as she began to shuffle away.

“Even if I wanted to reach out, I don’t know where she is… I have no way to contact her.” Clarke spoke so quietly Raven was almost convinced she had imagined it. Raven turned back, Clarke was still staring at the tv listlessly, arms crossed and her jaw set. Raven nodded to herself and couldn’t hold back the slight uptick to her lips.

_This was more than a small first step, this was a fucking leap!_

Raven moved much quicker now to the shower, she needed to get in contact with Jake and the other delinquents to let them know that Clarke might just be ready to reach out, and when she was they needed to have Lexa’s contact information on hand. Raven prayed someone knew where Lexa currently was.


	2. Welcome to Skyark

“Ma?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“When you said the garden needed a bit of work, I didn’t think you meant this…” Aden had brought in a couple of boxes from the moving truck but had stopped working to look through the living room window into the expansive garden. “It’s like a jungle out there.” He said shaking his head with a voice conveying sheer horror.

“It’s not that bad…” Lexa grimaced as she came to stand next to her son by the wide windows.

_It was that bad._

“Ma, it’s so wild that there is probably hundreds of undiscovered animals living out there. Teams of scientists will turn up soon to explore the jungle that is our backyard.” Aden said with his mouth still slightly agape as he peered out from underneath his overgrown fringe.

Lexa snorted and ruffled his hair, pulling the locks out of the way of his eyes. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Anya, you’ve become overdramatic. C’mon the sooner we get the boxes in the sooner we can set up your room and the tv.” She started to walk backwards and held out her hand for Aden to grab a hold of. They started to move back out of the house to get the next set of boxes, the moving men working around them also helping to unload.

Lexa loved this house.

‘Polis Hill House’.

It was old and slightly decrepit but it was her dream house. It was two storeys with white wood panels. The paint was peeling off and chipped, and Aden was right in saying the garden was overgrown. The house was on the outskirts of town with no nearby neighbours, set on top of a slight hill. There was a wrought iron fence that went to just above waist height surrounding the front yard. The entire house had creaky wooden floorboards, outdated wallpaper and a constant musty smell caused by years of abandonment. The house had three bedrooms each with their own bathroom, a study, an extra room that could be converted into a bedroom (Lexa though planned to turn it into a den of sorts for Aden), a large kitchen diner and a living room that housed an impressive fireplace. The effect, overall, gave the same impression of the main location for a horror movie.

All Lexa saw, though, was potential.

It had been rundown and empty even when she was living in Skyark as a child. Clarke and Lexa had stumbled upon it when they were out and about one weekend. They had explored that house all day and Lexa knew she had found her dream home. She returned to that house every few months whilst still living in Skyark, and had made one final stop the night she left. Lexa promised herself that if she ever returned she would buy this house and show how truly beautiful it could be.

Lexa and Aden set to work alongside the movers. By early evening, Aden’s room for the most part was unpacked and ready for him to sleep in, and the living room was nearly assembled with their signature three seater sofa arranged in front of the fire and the tv hanging above it. Lexa’s bed wasn’t built yet but she was more than happy to sleep on the couch. The movers left once everything was unloaded and found it strange that Lexa had prioritised the living room over her own bedroom, but Lexa was wary of the effect that moving into a creepy old house could have on Aden. She was more than prepared for him to have a nightmare and wanted him to feel that what made a home wasn’t the house itself but each other; their normal post nightmare routine would never change even if their current location did. Aden didn’t comment but Lexa knew that he appreciated what she had set up for him.

Pizza arrived soon, and they ate it in front of the sofa whilst examining the fireplace. “Do you think we can actually light a fire?” Aden asked between bites of his slice, tomato sauce smearing his cheek already.

“Well, the estate agent said that we could but I don’t want to risk it until I’ve had a proper look at it. Fool me once…” Lexa answered as she tilted her head to the side thinking about where in her list of chores she would place looking into the chimney.

“Fool you once?” Aden asked with a curious tone.

_Shit, of course he picked up on that…_

_“_ Um… well…”

“Ma…? What did you do?” Lexa huffed at the barely concealed glee in Aden’s voice.

“I may have set one of my school friends' house on fire.” She winced as she spoke. _How the fuck am I meant to be a positive role model?_

“What? How?” Aden gasped.

“I didn’t know their fireplace was fake. The chimney was blocked up.” Aden laughed at his Ma’s outraged expression, she still hadn’t forgiven that fireplace. “And it’s not as bad as it sounds. The fireplace was scorched but the fire didn’t spread. The biggest issue was the smoke. My friend and her family had to stay in a hotel for a couple of days. But there was only a few scorch marks; no lasting damage.” Lexa said quickly in weak defence of herself.

“Ma, that’s really bad.” Aden was heaving with laughter and his eyes were at full crinkle, looking at Aden made Lexa feel marginally better about her wounded pride over the incident. “Did your friend’s family ever forgive you?” Aden asked once he had regained control of his giggles.

Lexa’s grin receded into a wistful and fond smile. “Her mum was furious, more at Cl- err… my friend than me. She didn’t know about the fireplace either. Her dad though…” Lexa paused remembering that day with unrestrained joy. “Once he had made sure we were both alright and that the fire hadn’t caused any serious damage, just stood there and laughed. He called me ‘Heda’ for months after that.”

“Why ‘Heda’?” Aden asked with a confused frown, struggling to see the connection.

“Well, see whilst my friend and I might have started the fire, I was the only one that put it out using the fire extinguisher that her dad kept in the garage. When he got home he found me covered in the foam from the fire extinguisher as I couldn’t get it to work at first and blasted myself with it before using it on the fire. The brand of fire extinguisher was ‘Heda’, supposedly he bought it because it was the best on the market; he spent ages researching before picking that brand. He told me that I was always extinguishing the fires that his daughter and our friends were always making and that I was the best person to do it. So, he called me Heda. Said I was his daughter’s fire extinguisher.”

Lexa was staring off into the fireplace with a soft expression on her face that Aden had never seen before. Aden pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees whilst facing his Ma to fully appreciate this secret side he had never seen before. He was hesitant to interrupt her thoughts but he was desperate to know, to understand better what could cause that vulnerable expression to take over his hero’s face. “That friend… and her family… are you still in contact with them? Do they still live here?”

Lexa’s eyes slowly refocused as she brought herself back to the present. She gave her head a quick shake to fully bring back reality. “Err… no and I don’t know, in answer to your questions.” Lexa quickly reached for another slice of pizza to satisfy the overwhelming need to have something to occupy her hands.

Aden could tell there was a shift in the atmosphere as his Ma’s vulnerability vanished and her usual stoic expression slipped back into place lightning fast. He knew he should leave the subject out of respect for Lexa but he also knew that she would never lie to him and he wanted to bring back that softness, so he asked one final question as he reached for the remote.

“What was your friend’s name?” Aden asked as he turned away from Lexa and focused on the tv. He missed the sudden contrast of heavy sorrow in his Ma’s eyes and fond smile playing on her lips but he did hear the shuddering breath as she whispered her reply.

“Clarke. Clarke Griffin.”

* * *

The new school year started in a week for Aden whilst Lexa didn’t start her new job for two weeks. So it was full steam ahead in trying to get the house up to spec before their time was taken up by school and work. Lexa knew she didn’t need to bribe Aden to help around the house, he actually seemed to really enjoy peeling the awful wallpaper off the walls whilst Lexa carried on with unpacking, but she wanted to reward him for working hard so promised to buy him a new videogame on Friday that they would put aside time on the weekend to play together. Aden was more pleased with the idea of playing a game with Lexa than actually getting a new game but was smart enough to know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. His aunt Anya had taught him well. 

All the wallpaper was off the walls and all the boxes unpacked within three days. Lexa and Aden then proceeded to drive to a shopping centre a few miles out of town to pick out paint for the house and buy some much needed appliances, like a new oven - the one that came with the house was so old Lexa wouldn’t be surprised if it had been rigged together by cavemen who had recently discovered fire. With the paint on order and the appliances to be delivered the next day, Aden and Lexa prepared themselves to tackle the jungle that was the front and backyard. It took an entire day for them to discover that underneath the overgrown grass in the front yard there was a path that led from a gate in the fence to the front door and a driveway big enough for two cars in front of the garage off the side of the house. The next day they barely made a dent in the back garden. It looked slightly more approachable but still extremely wild and unkempt, but a start was better than nothing.

By the time the weekend started, Aden and Lexa barely had the energy to leave the sofa even if they wanted to. They spent the majority of Saturday playing Aden’s new game and catching up with Anya and Lincoln over skype. Both of whom had been in contact everyday wanting before and after pictures of the house. It was a great incentive for Lexa and Aden who wanted to show off how much work they had done each day.

Lincoln informed them that he had bought a place for where he was going to set up his bar. It was a building on main street that was a recently closed down thrift store, the owner had been elderly and was moving to live closer to her children in another state. It was a great location, and it came with a flat above it that Lincoln could easily move into and he got the place at a steal as the owner had wanted to move as soon as possible.

Aden was quick to ask if Lexa could take him to see the place and by extension the town. They hadn’t had much opportunity to explore the town as they were so busy with working on the house, only venturing to the local grocery store early in the morning every couple of days before starting work so hadn’t run into anyone as of yet (which Lexa was unbelievably grateful for). She knew though that she couldn’t hide forever, especially when she started work, and she would much rather handle running into her past when she wasn’t working as it meant she could walk away if she so desired. Lexa promised to take Aden on a walking tour of the town tomorrow and show him all the main sites so he wasn’t out of the loop with the other kids at school.

* * *

After a leisurely breakfast of blueberry pancakes on Sunday morning, Aden and Lexa left the car at home and began their walking exploration of town. The first place Lexa showed Aden was the town park that was nearby, it was huge by normal standards with a well-equipped children’s playground and large fields which played host to numerous town events. There was also a baseball diamond which the little league team played on (Aden was quick to show an interest so Lexa promised they would look into signing him up), there was also a well maintained area consisting of rows of flowers and bushes perfect for a romantic stroll. After the park they moved further into the town, stopping by the local library and signing themselves up to get their own library cards; they then moved onto the sheriff station that Lexa forced Aden to take note of in case anything happened and finally they arrived Main Street.

So far Lexa hadn’t run into anyone that recognised her, though the librarian did give her a curious look clearly trying to pull forth some hidden recollection but not quite managing to. Then again her unrecognisability might have been down to the pair of reflective aviators and DC baseball cap she was wearing. Aden had raised an eyebrow when they had left this morning but didn’t comment rationalising that it was sunny out and that he was unable to believe that his Ma would ever debase herself by trying to hide. _Little did he know,_ Lexa hummed to herself.

Main Street, though, that was the gauntlet run. It would take a miracle to walk up the street and not be recognised.

Lexa and Aden turned onto the street and moved to examine the building that was to be converted into Lincoln’s bar. Lexa had to admit it was an amazing location (she had vaguely recollected the thrift store from her past since she remembered getting a lot of her clothes growing up from there but the memories of what it looked like exactly had grown hazy over time). It had been well looked after and was well placed halfway up main street on the corner meaning there was large windows on two sides and as such should get good foot traffic; it also helped that there was no other good quality bar in town. ‘The Hub’ was a little further up the street; she and Aden planned to stop there to get two milkshakes and some food to go before continuing their walk. The next stop was to be the middle school that Aden was starting tomorrow, then onto the barbers to sort out Aden’s unruly hair and then finally, the grocery store to get some food for dinner.

As they walked into the ‘The Hub’, Lexa forced herself to take a deep breath. The bell dinged and Lexa prepared herself for the cronies (the elderly eternal residents of the diner) to fall into silence before talking in harsh whispers. The bell dinged. Lexa paused waiting for the hushed silence and stares. It didn’t come.

_Huh…_

“Are you coming, Ma?” Aden asked as he approached the counter. Lexa shook herself as she pushed further into the bustling diner. It was 1950s-esque decorated, and would be pretty retro if Lexa didn’t know that the place just hadn’t been redecorated since the 50s. The cronies were there in full attendance and granny regalia in their signature corner booth. _Something’s never change._ The cronies were whispering amongst themselves sharing the most recent gossip and occasionally breaking the reverential silence surrounding their gang with shrill laughter.

“Alright, what milkshake do you want?” Lexa asked as she came to stand by her son, who merely gave her a hard look which said ‘do you really need to ask?’. “Sorry, sorry.” Lexa raised her hands in a placating gesture before turning to the waitress. “Two strawberry milkshakes and two cheeseburgers to go please.” The waitress, a young sixteen year old that Lexa had no chance of recognising, gave a quick nod, took her money and put in the order. Lexa and Aden made idle chitchat while they waited for their food.

Lexa was getting more and more comfortable when she tuned into the cronies’ conversation behind her.

“-the young doctor was seen taking another one home after the Jordans’ boy’s birthday party last week.”

“How do you know that? I can’t see you out past midnight let alone at a party.”

“Natalie’s boy, Derrick, was taxiing that night. He took the doctor, the mechanic and another one back to their place. And the doctor was having a real good time on the backseat.” There was a general tuttering following this that forced Lexa to roll her eyes. _That's one thing I don't miss about small town life._ _The constant scrutiny and judgement._

“It’s so sad.”

“I don’t see why you’d think that, when I was as young as the good doctor I was enjoying life just the same… actually even more so. That girl’s got nothin’ on me.” Lexa snorted slightly and decided she liked this crony but didn’t want to turn around to get a look at her as it would make it obvious she was listening in. Aden was happily watching the cooks through the hole in the wall trying to get an early warning of when their food would arrive, so Lexa continued to eavesdrop.

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.”

_Sure, you didn’t…_

“Then what did you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” The tittering between the cronies stopped and Lexa knew they were all leaning forward slightly towards the speaker without having to look round. “She’s still in love with her.” The cronies stayed silent for longer than Lexa ever remember them being.

“Who’s her?” Asked the woman who had ‘enjoyed life more than the good doctor’.

“Oh, I always forget you haven’t been here as long as the rest of us, Vera. Well, the story is-“

“Ma, our food is here.” Aden announced pulling Lexa away from the conversation. The waitress came over with a bag and their milkshakes. They thanked her and quickly left, Lexa sparing only a momentary glance and thought for the cronies as she tried to rein Aden back from choking on his burger from how quickly he was scarfing it down.

* * *

Lexa appreciated how Aden’s haircut made him appear much more presentable and gave a clear view of his soulful blue eyes but she would also admit that ruffling his hair now that it was so much shorter wasn’t the same. Aden pulled away from his Ma as she tried to muss his hair yet again as they neared the grocery store, weary that she would ruin the styled look the barber had given him. “What do we need, Ma?” Aden asked as he bounced slightly on his feet keen to get home after such a long day of exploring.

“Just a bag of pasta and some tomatoes.” Aden nodded, rushing in to pick up a basket. “Oh, and you can pick out a sugary snack for your lunch tomorrow.”

Aden passed the basket over to his Ma, “Okay, I’ll run and get what I want, I’ll meet you in the veggie section.” Before Lexa, even had the chance to call out after him to tell him not to run in the store he was gone.

Lexa sighed and pulled out her phone that had just buzzed. She and Aden had been sending photos of their tour to Lincoln and Anya who had wanted to see what the town looked like. Anya had texted in response to the photo showing off Aden’s haircut.

**[Anya]: Who the hell is this kid?**

**[Anya]: Will admit he looks way better than the Gremlin you used to have.**

Lexa laughed with a shake of her head and started to type a reply before moving more fully into the store only for something hard to hit her shoulder. Her phone fell to the floor with a clatter.

“I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I’m sorry.” The man who had bumped into her apologised profusely whilst bending down to retrieve Lexa’s phone for her. He stood up quickly to pass over the phone only to go very still upon making eye contact with Lexa.

_Oh, shit...._

“Hello, Mr. Griffin, sir.” Lexa whispered.


	3. Enough

Clarke was a good doctor.

She was cool under pressure, understanding, approachable and known to go the extra mile for her patients. Her mother, at first, had tried to nudge her into becoming a surgeon but Clarke needed and enjoyed the patient interaction side far too much to be restricted to an operating theatre. She completed her residency in the emergency and trauma department of a major hospital in Boston where she excelled in the hectic situations and the fast paced decisions. She became the nurses go-to-person to calm a scared patient (especially paediatric patients), her childhood adventures and troublemaker stories becoming a well-known and accepted antidote for fear. Her stories preceded her to such a degree that she overheard other doctors narrating them to their own patients throughout the hospital.

Regardless of how good she was at her job, Clarke hated the lack of follow-up for the patients she worked on. She would patch them up, soothe their fears, get them admitted or send them back home and then they were gone.

This all changed a couple of years ago when Clarke had gone home for thanksgiving and ran into the town’s local doctor one afternoon in ‘The Hub’. Dr. Dante Wallace, (who had even been Clarke’s doctor when she was younger) asked how she was finding emergency medicine, and Clarke admitted to the issues she was having with it as a whole. Dr. Wallace had hummed in response and the conversation had ended a little while after that when Octavia had arrived (who Clarke was meeting for a catch up with at the time); Dante had quickly and quietly excused himself.

Clarke had forgotten about the entire conversation until two weeks later when Wallace had phoned her out of the blue. Dante, it appeared, was planning on retiring in the next couple of years and wanted to have someone he trusted to hand his practice over to when that time came. He invited Clarke to join ‘Mount Weather Medical Practice’ and said that if she did he would hand over the entire practice to her when he retired. Clarke took a week to think over his offer, talking it through with her parents and Raven who she was living with in Boston.

By the start of the New Year, she saw her first patient as the new local doctor and never looked back. Clarke still regularly took shifts in the emergency department at the nearby hospital though to keep her skills sharp and to appease her mother who was chief of surgery there.

The biggest surprise to Clarke after moving back to her hometown wasn’t how much she loved her new job, or enjoyed being near her parents but Raven’s decision to follow her home and set up ‘Reyes’ Autoshop’ (which was an instant success especially with the Griffins' encouragement and support). Clarke was beyond grateful that her loyal best friend was around and got on so well with her parents... that was until today. Today, Clarke couldn’t help wishing that Raven and her father didn’t get on as well as they did.

_Especially when they were acting as meddling, little shits._

Clarke was a good doctor. She took the Hippocratic Oath with pride... now, though, she was willing to break the commitments she had made alongside Raven’s and her father’s necks.

* * *

 

“What the actual fuck, Raven?!” Clarke yelled as she entered their flat, taking the time in her fury to slam the door behind herself with as much violence as she could muster.

Raven poked just her head through the doorway at the end of the hallway, a buttered piece of toast hanging limply from her mouth. Raven quickly took in the look of unadulterated rage on Clarke’s face.

Clarke’s hair was falling out of her ponytail erratically, her normally sky blue eyes had shifted to glacial and (just to further strike the fear of god into Raven) she was still in her blood stained scrubs from her Saturday shift in the emergency room. Clarke zeroed in on Raven and began to thunder down the hallway towards her best friend.

Raven liked to think of herself as a brave, strong and independent woman; as such she calmly took the piece of toast from her mouth and waited patiently for her friend to reach her without a hint of fear to have a calm and collected discussion. At least, that’s what Raven would tell people had happened. In fact, Raven’s eyes widened, she let out a little squeak resulting in her toast dropping to the floor and backed up into the kitchen with her hands held up in surrender.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?!” Clarke shouted as she stepped into the kitchen and over the fallen piece of toast. “What makes you think you had the right?!”

 _So this is how I die, rather surprising... I figured it would involve fire and explosions…_ Raven thought to herself as she tried to force out words, _then again, if the look on Clarke’s face is any indication, it still might_. “I was just trying to help-”

“Help?!” Clarke practically screeched in outrage.

“Let me explain-”, Raven tried once more to talk to Clarke with a reasonable tone, hoping to avoid raising her voice in return.

“How stupid are you?! How the fuck do you think this would help?!” Clarke was pacing the kitchen like a caged predator.

_Okay, that’s enough. This is no longer my best friend standing in front of me._

Raven had never seen Clarke this angry before not even during the Finn debacle in college. When Clarke was angry she yelled - definitely, she was always a burn hot rather than cold anger person. However, there would be a clipped tone to her words, a pause before she shouted as she fully took in what she was about to say… in other words, she was always in control. This Clarke, in front of Raven, wasn’t just burning hot she was an inferno, and control had gone right out the window.

“Enough, Clarke!” Raven roared back, she needed to get her friend to listen to her.

“Enough?!” Clarke reared around to face Raven, her pacing forgotten as she vibrated on the spot with anger. “No, you don’t get to decide that! Not this time!”

“This time?!”

“I cut Finn completely out of my life because of you! Because you told me you had ENOUGH of seeing me around him!”

Raven let out a sharp gasp, she couldn’t believe her ears; Clarke and Raven had an unspoken agreement to never bring up the tumultuous start to their friendship caused by none other than Finn Collins. They had grown past it, or at least they knew to avoid that particular crack in their relationship. They restrained themselves knowing their friendship survived by sidestepping around certain taboo subjects. Finn was the big one between them, at least that’s what Raven had thought, but she was quickly realising that Clarke had an even more off-limits topic that Raven and Jake had barrelled into not realising the full impact it would have.

“Clarke, this isn’t you! Don’t say or do something you’ll regret!” Raven had to at least try and prevent Clarke from dragging their friendship into the abyss.

Clarke crossed the kitchen in two quick strides and invaded Raven’s personal space, forcing Raven to lean slightly backwards over the kitchen counter to regain some room. “Regret…?” Clarke whispered harshly through gritted teeth. “You know nothing of regret…”

And that’s when Raven could have kicked herself. The realisation struck her so hard, she felt her chest go hollow and her legs struggle to maintain her weight as the adrenaline that had been pumping through her system a moment ago deserted her as she realised it wasn’t necessary. Raven knew what Clarke was like angry, and this wasn’t her angry.

This was Clarke scared.

With Clarke this close she realised that she wasn’t shaking with anger, she was trembling in fear. Her eyes weren’t cold with hate they were just cold waiting for something horrible to happen, and standing this close to her Raven could see the sheen of tears covering them. Her jaw was clenched tight to hold off sobs and she was breathing heavily and harshly. She hadn’t been acting like a caged predator but a trapped prey.

“Oh, Clarke.” Raven’s soft voice of compassion and love caused Clarke to finally crumple in on herself and fall to the floor. Raven followed her down wrapping her in a tight embrace as if trying to shield Clarke from whatever monsters she had conjured in her head with her arms alone.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to-”, Clarke began with a wheeze, her voice thick from fighting off tears.

“It’s okay, Griffin.” Raven murmured as she rested her chin on top of Clarke’s head.

“I shouldn’t have-”, Clarke tried again.

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have but I said and did a lot worse to you when we first met. We can overcome anything, if we both want to.” Raven whispered into her best friend’s hair, as a wave of courage overtook her. “And to be honest there are a few things we need to talk through and get over, but I think we can do it.”

“I think we can to, at least I want us to.” Clarke’s trembling had started to settle and she was now able to wrap her arms around Raven in return. “I love you, Raven, you’re my sister and I don’t want to screw this up.” Clarke took a small inhale of breath, determined to match Raven’s bravery for wanting to face their issues, “I can’t lose you too, I don’t want to be the reason you leave as well.”

Raven squeezed Clarke in her arms in acknowledgment and gratitude for her candour. “Clarke, you’re my family. My only family, you have literally seen me at my worst, I don’t think there is anything you can do that will get rid of me.”

“Thank you, Raven.”

“Anytime, Griffin.” They stayed there sheltered in each other’s arms on the kitchen for a few long, quiet moments. Clarke slowly regained control of her body and her emotions. “Are you ready to talk about it?” Raven asked. She felt Clarke stiffen and feared she had spoken too soon when Clarke nodded her head.

“Can we move off the kitchen floor for this talk?” Clarke asked sheepishly.

“Of course.” Raven replied with a chuckle as she got to her feet and pulled Clarke up with her. “Maybe you should get changed out of the bloodstained scrubs first, huh?”

“Good idea. I’m going to go take a quick shower. Rendez-vous on the couch in 15?” Clarke smiled for the first time that night.

“Definitely. I’ll order us some food as well.”

“Thanks, Raven.” Clarke murmured gratefully, slowly backing out of the kitchen.

“Don’t worry about it, you get the next load of takeout.” Raven replied reaching for her phone on the side to place their normal Chinese order.

“Raven?” Raven glanced up from her phone to see Clarke hovering uncertainly in the doorway. “I meant thank you for everything. Thank you for being here, thank you for staying.” Clarke’s words dripped with sincerity and affection.

Raven nodded helplessly unable to think of a response that would match up to Clarke’s words. “You’re welcome.” It was the only thing she could think to say. Fortunately, it seemed to be good enough considering the small smile that overtook Clarke’s features.

“Don’t expect my gratitude to mean I’ll clean up the toast you dropped on the floor.” Clarke said in a sing song voice as she stepped backwards over the offending half-eaten snack.

Raven shook her head and laughed, “Of course not. An act of kindness like that would go straight to my head.”

* * *

Clarke had been exhausted after finishing up a long day in the emergency room, her entire shift had been taken up with handling a car crash that had come in midway through the day. It had been difficult work and they had lost one of the victims but the other two in the car had been stabilised and successfully admitted and handed over. She was so tired she just wanted to get home and relax on the sofa watching crap on the tv, so she decided to forego getting changed out of her scrubs at the hospital and got in her car to drive home. She noticed before she left that she had a missed call from Jasper and that he had left a voicemail. Not wanting to be distracted whilst driving she decided to listen to his message when she got home.

The drive back was quick and easy as there was no traffic around on the weekend. Clarke felt herself relaxing as she got closer and closer to home. She parked up behind the apartment building and reached for her phone, hitting play on the voicemail as she got out of the car and started to walk into the building.

**"Hey Clarke! Thanks again for coming to my birthday, it was great seeing party girl Griffin back in all her glory. Haha. Looking forward to the annual end of summer Griffin bash next weekend. Let me know if you need me to bring anything other than more of Monty’s moonshine. Talk to you soon. Oh, wait hold on… to save me some time can you pass onto Raven and your Dad that I don’t have Lexa’s contact information. But if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know? I think it’s great that you’re reaching out, Clarke. Alright, see you next weekend."**

Clarke’s heart stopped and a terror which she had only ever experienced once in her life roared through every nerve in her body. Her mind shut down, and the only way she could fend off the fear was by allowing her fight or flight mode to activate. And after what happened last time, Clarke refused to let flight be her response out of the two options.

 _Never again,_ she had promised herself, _she wouldn’t run away this time_. The rage consumed her and she gave up control to it willingly. _It seems a person can change over ten years._

Clarke remembered: slamming the front door, Raven’s guilty and hangdog expression, shouting things she would never say, the word ‘regret’ slamming into her like the car from earlier today had slammed into the oak tree and then “Oh, Clarke”. That was when she broke down. 

After being consoled, Clarke took a hot shower, allowing her overwrought emotions to be washed away. She dressed in her softest pyjamas and shuffled out to the sofa where Raven was waiting for her. Clarke sat, leaning her back against the arm of the couch and swinging her legs up onto Raven’s lap who gripped her calves and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

“So how did you find out?”

“Jasper.” Clarke answered with a roll of her eyes.

Raven flung her head back and groaned loudly. “Son of a bitch.”

“It’s Jasper, what did you expect?” Clarke chuckled.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Raven sighed and brought her head back. “To be honest I should be impressed that he managed to keep it to himself for more than twenty four hours. I swear we need to have an intervention over the amount of weed he is smoking.”

“Agreed, but I think I need to work through a few of my own issues before I can help anyone with theirs.” Raven gave Clarke’s leg a pat to highlight her agreement on her own behalf.

“Clarke…” Raven began before clearing her throat, “Just so you know, we weren’t trying to force you to contact Lexa.” Clarke couldn’t bring herself to meet Raven’s eye but didn’t interrupt so Raven continued, “Your Dad and I wanted to be able to give you the option if one day you decided to get in touch. There was no way we were going to reach out without your say so, and we wouldn’t have forced you... especially if you weren’t ready.” Clarke finally looked up at Raven’s clear brown eyes. There was an openness in Raven’s face that highlighted the change in their friendship that had come from Clarke’s breakdown. Clarke realised she liked this honesty in their relationship and planned to match it in return.

“I appreciate that. I think I panicked because I wasn’t ready and feared that you would force me to face her - which I should’ve known you would never do - or…” She trailed off not sure how to structure her thoughts and fears.

“Or...?” Raven patiently prompted. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke shot Raven a grateful smile.

“Or… that you had already gotten in contact with her and were going to tell me what she was up to, how she was…”

“What would be so wrong with knowing that?”

“...if she was married…”

“Ahh…” Raven nodded as Clarke stared off to the side with a slightly embarrassed expression.

“I don’t know which would be more painful to find out: that she felt as alone as I do or that she was happy with someone else. Does that make me a bad person?” Clarke asked tentatively.

“No, not even a little bit.” Raven cleared her throat slightly, “I feel the same way about Finn...”

 _Wow, we have turned over a new leaf._ Clarke reached over and took Raven’s hand conveying her thoughts with this action alone.

“Soooo…” Raven said drawing out the word and trying to make her following question as light as possible. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready to reach out yet.” Clarke answered with a shake of her head.

“That’s fair, and you don’t ever have to be. We could still try and find a way to contact her though… You don’t have to do anything with the information but it would mean the option was there if you ever decide you are ready. What do you think?”

Clarke hummed, thinking over Raven’s words. “I get what you’re saying but I’m still not sure…”

“Well, we’re going to your parents’ for Sunday dinner tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, what’s your point?”

“Firstly, Daddy Griffin was working with me in the search so if you need to call him off you can do it tomorrow, but Jasper was the last person to report in so you don’t need to worry about any surprise revelations or new information. Secondly, I think you should talk it over with your Dad, he’s always been the one you go to when you have to make a big decision and I think he can help.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll think over what you said tonight and talk to my Dad tomorrow before dinner.”

“Hey, can I get a recording of you saying I’m right? I’d like to be able to listen to it before bed every night.” Clarke swiftly picked up a sofa cushion and whacked Raven over the head with it.

The Chinese arrived shortly after bringing about an armistice to the great pillow war of 2017.

* * *

Ever since Clarke had moved back to Skyark, Sunday’s involved a regular family dinner at her parent’s house, Raven often joining. Sometimes one of the other delinquents would attend, as Abby and Jake had made it clear to Clarke’s friends that they were always welcome. On this particular Sunday, it would be only the four of them; Clarke and Raven had arrived earlier than normal in order to talk to Jake. Abby was usually in the kitchen, but Raven had promised to distract her, if need be, so Clarke could have a one-on-one conversation with her Dad.

“Hey Dad.” Clarke said as her Dad opened the door and pulled her into a hug.

“Hey there, sweetie. We didn’t expect you for another hour or so.”

“Hey, old man Griffin.” Raven called from behind and Clarke felt her Dad’s chest vibrate as he began to chuckle.

“Nice to see you too, Raven.” Jake let go of Clarke and gave Raven a one armed hug before ushering them both inside and into the living room. The girls plopped down on the couch that faced the scorched fireplace, and Clarke couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto her face.

And that’s when she made her decision.

“Hello, girls, how are you both?” Abby greeted, appearing in the doorway that led to the kitchen, wiping her hands with a gaudy themed tea-towel she had received from one of the cronies last Christmas.

“Good, thanks.” The best friends responded in unison. Clarke gave Raven a meaningful look and tilted her head slightly.

“Abby, can I ask you a favour?” Raven said getting up from the sofa and moving towards the kitchen.

“Anything.” Abby responded cheerily.

“I was hoping you could teach me some first aid? I’m thinking of hiring someone to help out at the autoshop and it would be good to know what to do if something happened.”

“I’m happy to help. Why don’t we talk in the kitchen?” Abby offered.

“Perfect.” As they moved into the kitchen, Raven gave Clarke a quick thumbs up behind her back.

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask Clarke for help…” Abby queried as the door to the kitchen began to close.

“Err… well… um, you see-” The kitchen door swung shut, preventing Clarke from hearing whatever half constructed excuse Raven came up with.

“So, I’m guessing you know? Right?” Jake said as he came and sat down on the sofa adjacent to Clarke, providing her with space and closeness at the same time. Clarke loved that about her Dad  that he always seemed to instinctively know what she needed.

_Can’t really complain about him looking up Lexa for me if I think that now, can I?_

“Found out yesterday.” Clarke nodded lightly.

“To be honest I kind of expected you to be much angrier.” Jake revealed, slightly surprised by his daughter’s calm demeanour.

“I was. Raven was on the receiving end of that.”

“It was more me than her, she was-” Jake cut in, quickly springing to Raven’s defence.

“Dad, don’t worry. We worked it out and I’m not mad at her anymore.”

“Phew.” Jake wiped his forehead with an exaggerated motion to show his relief.

“Actually, we’re even better than we were before.” Clarke confessed and Jake gave her a curious look in response, however Clarke wasn’t willing to tell him everything at least not until her and Raven had talked more, so she shook her head slightly letting him know not to push. “Dad, I appreciate what you two were doing-”

“Say no more. We’ll stop looking into it, I promise.” Jake held a hand over his heart to communicate the seriousness of his words.

“Actually... after thinking about it…” Clarke threw a wistful look at the fireplace, “I think I want to know, I think I would like the option of reaching out…” Jake got up and drew his daughter into a hug.

“You got it, sweetie. I’ll make a different promise then.” Jake pulled back slightly to look into eyes that were almost identical to his own, “I promise to find the information you need to have that option, okay?”

“Thanks, Dad.” Clarke whispered.

“Okay, let’s talk about something else for a while, huh? Take your mind off it. How was your shift, yesterday?” Clarke wiped at her eyes preventing the tears that been building from falling, before smiling and regaling her father with her heroics in the ER.

Raven, eventually, reappeared looking drained, whispering to Clarke that her mother gave her an entire first aid course and couldn’t imagine when the Heimlich manoeuvre would be used in an auto shop. Clarke merely patted her shoulder and called her a hero. She whispered to Raven the decision she had made and Raven had nodded and said she would help anyway she could.

“Jake!” Abby yelled from the kitchen.

“Yes, my love.” Jake called back in his signature sing song voice.

“You forgot to buy potatoes.” His love accused from the kitchen.

“Ah, shit.” Jake muttered under his breath; Clarke and Raven still heard and snorted at his misfortune. “I guess this means I’m going to the store then, huh?”

“Good guess, husband of mine.”

Jake got to his feet grabbed a jacket and his keys from the side table. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Be quick, I need to get them cooking as soon as possible.”

“I’ll be quick.”

* * *

“Hello, Mr. Griffin, sir.”

“Lexa? Lexa Woods?” Jake gasped out. _I must be going crazy, this can’t be the Lexa I remember,_ Jake thought to himself as he took in the woman he had collided with _._

Standing in front of him was a tall, young woman. She had impeccable posture and held her head high in stark contrast to the 17 year old he had last seen who had always stooped down and struggled to keep her eyes anywhere but downcast. This woman ( _Lexa,_ Jake had to force his mind to acknowledge) was dressed in tight jeans, black converse, a white tank top and a high quality black leather jacket. She was currently removing a baseball cap and sunglasses, exposing her unforgettable forest green eyes and chestnut brown hair.

Jake couldn’t help but admire the woman that Lexa had grown into, there was a surety and confidence to her now that had been lacking when she was younger. He smiled despite the shock, pride filling him at seeing the strong woman that the girl who had been like a surrogate daughter to him had become.

Lexa nodded in answer to his question whilst reaching out and taking the phone that Jake had picked up for her. Jake shifted the bag of potatoes tucked under his arm awkwardly, “You’re here…?”

“That’s correct, sir.” Lexa answered; one eyebrow raising as she lifted up the empty basket she was holding in order to explain her presence in the grocery store.

Jake shook his head and chuckled, “No, I mean you’re here… as in Skyark.”

“Correct again, sir.” A slight smirk played on Lexa’s lips now and amusement danced in her eyes. Jake couldn’t believe that out of the two them he was the one fumbling the conversation. _So much for age equalling wisdom..._

_This woman is so different to the girl Lexa used to be._

“Haha, really funny. What are you doing in Skyark?” Jake tried again with his trademark ease and good humour coming back as the shock started to abate.

“I moved back, sir. A week ago.” _Okay the shock came right back with that answer._ Jake tried to steady himself.

“That’s great news!” _Okay, Jake rein in the joy a bit, you’ll freak her out otherwise,_ Jake sternly ordered to himself.

Lexa smiled politely at his enthusiastic outburst and nodded. The potatoes weighed heavy under his arm and people were walking round them as they stood in the entrance of the store. _Now is neither the time nor place to catch up,_ his brain tried to remind him.

“Anyway, it’s great that you’re back… wait, I know…” Before Jake’s head could shut him up, his mouth had already started moving. “You should come to the end of summer bash, next weekend. It would be great to see you again. And I’m sure everyone would love for you to come.”

Lexa seemed momentarily startled by the offer before quickly composing herself, “You still do the Griffin end of summer extravaganza, sir?”

“Every year.” _Of course, she asked about that._ Abby and Jake had started the end of summer party specifically to cheer up Clarke and Lexa after their first week at elementary school. It quickly became an annual thing and grew year upon year till it eventually became one of the town’s biggest events. “You should definitely come, it would be a good place to reintroduce yourself to the town.”

_Dear God, Clarke might actually kill me. Scratch that Raven and Abby are certainly going to kill me._

Jake watched as Lexa thought through the idea, her lips pouting slightly and her eyes focusing on something in the distance. “Yes, that actually sounds like a good idea, sir.” Lexa said after a pause.

_What was with all the sir’s? Then again, young Lexa always used to struggle with calling me Jake._

“That’s great!”

_I’ve said great way too many times now._

“It’s this Saturday, casual clothing and feel free to bring a swimsuit, it usually kicks off around midday. Don’t feel like you need to bring anything, there’s plenty to go around.” Lexa nodded along as she took in the information.

“Sir, would it be alright if I bring someone with me?” Lexa asked.

 _Shit, she’s married._ Jake looked down at Lexa’s left hand which was holding the basket. _No ring. Time to do some digging._

“You and your girlfriend are more than welcome.”

 _Please deny the girlfriend. Please deny the girlfriend,_ Jake begged of whichever God was listening.

“Err… no, no girlfriend. I’m afraid I’m eternally single.” Lexa cringed slightly and dropped her shoulders. The transformation into the young girl Jake remembered was instant and vanished almost as fast, the high head and calm assuredness returning. If he had blinked, Jake would have missed it.

“Ah, sorry to hear that.” Jake said trying to fight off the pleased smile from forming and sound solemn. Someone lightly banged into Jake’s back at that moment, and reinforced to Jake the need to wrap up the conversation and move out of the way. “Anyway, we look forward to seeing you Saturday, we should definitely sit down and catch up. I should be going, Abby needed these potatoes ten minutes ago.”

Lexa smiled in reply. “You shouldn’t keep Mrs. Griffin waiting. It was good to see you, sir. I’m looking forward to Saturday.”

Jake quickly said goodbye and rushed out of the store, pinching himself lightly to make sure he hadn’t imagined that entire conversation.

* * *

Jake returned to the house still relatively shell shocked from the grocery store. Before he had the chance to speak Clarke took the bag of potatoes from his hands and carried it through to the kitchen. The three women in the house were deep in conversation about Raven’s plan to hire someone else to work at the auto shop. Jake didn’t want to drop a bomb on them all so decided to hold back for an appropriate opening. He did promise himself that he would let Clarke know about Lexa before she left. The first opportunity he had, unfortunately, came part way through dinner.

Having been informed by Raven that Abby knew nothing of their plan to find out about Lexa, Clarke decided to bring her into the loop in case she had any information or ideas that could help. Clarke, had a very set approach to handling her mother which meant only involving her once she had a clear idea in her head of where she stood on anything. She found her mother was too good at playing devil’s advocate (which can be very useful), just not when she was feeling emotional about the subject (for more information: see the surgeon argument of 2012).

“Honey, I’m so proud of you. I think this would be good for you. You’re still not certain though whether you will reach out yet?” Abby asked as she cut up the food on her plate.

“Actually, with more reflection I think I will reach out. I’m not going to let fear hold me back.” Clarke exchanged a quick look with Raven who gave her a smile in support.

Jake let out an explosive sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you said that.”

“What… why?” Clarke queried with amusement as she took a bite of her dinner.

“Because-I-just-ran-into-Lexa-at-the-grocery-store-she’s-moved-back-to-town-and-is-coming-to-the-party-on-Saturday.” Jake spoke so fast that he was surprised anyone understood him.

Raven’s jaw dropped, Abby did a spit take with the wine and Clarke began to choke on her food.

Turns out Raven did find a benefit for learning the Heimlich manoeuvre after all.


	4. The Delinquents' Dinner

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“Eternally single!”

“Well…” Lincoln started, futilely trying to find a way to reassure her.

“And I was nodding so often I looked like a friggin’ pigeon bobbing its head.”

“Pigeons can be rather endearing.” Anya ' _helpfully'_ stated.

“And I said sir so many times that I swear he was waiting for me to salute him at one point.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s pretty bad.” Anya relented. Lexa was hiding in her bedroom talking to Lincoln and Anya on Skype, her laptop perched on the end of the bed facing her as she paced up and down.

She had finished telling them about her former childhood best friend, glossing very quickly over the events that had led to her leaving the town (Anya and Lincoln had gone very quiet at that point but allowed Lexa to brush past it quickly without probing for more information) and then onto her run in with Jake.

“What do I do? I can’t actually go to this party, can I? It’s going to be so awkward. All the delinquents will be there, and I don’t know how much Clarke told them about why I left. They will ask me what I’ve been upto and why I’ve moved back. And I’m so not ready to talk about that. But I can’t not turn up, can I? By now everyone will know I’m back, it will be strange if I don’t turn up. And considering my job, I’m not exactly going to be able to hide.” Lexa continued on this cyclical rant going back and forth, nervously spewing out her stream of consciousness only stopping when her bedroom door opened and Aden shuffled into the room in his pyjamas. He had his phone out in one hand whilst he rubbed the sleep from his eyes with his other hand.

“Ma, Anya texted me to tell you to shut up. She said and I quote, ‘Your mother has been ignoring us for the past fifteen minutes.’ She then goes into a rant about how she can’t believe she trained you, and that your teenage-like panic reflects poorly on her.” Aden yawned as he rolled his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. “It was a very long message.” Lexa stared at him, mouth slightly agape before swinging her eyes round to the laptop; Anya rolled her eyes and tutted, Lincoln waved shyly. _I had completely forgotten they were there._ Her eyes flicked to the time. _I have been doing a monologue uninterrupted for the past 20 minutes._

“Right…” Lexa said more to herself than to Aden as she pulled herself together. “Thank you, sweetie. You should be getting to bed. First day of school tomorrow.”

Aden nodded in such a way that conveyed ‘Duh’, without actually saying it. He made to leave before turning back around to give Lexa a hug. “Night, Ma.” Lexa placed a kiss on the top of his head, already dreading the day when he would be too tall to for her to do so when they hugged.

“Night, sweetie.” Aden let her go and retreated out of the room, calling out goodnights to his surrogate aunt and uncle.

“No offence Lexa, actually, scratch that, minor offence. How did you end up with such an amazing kid? Because I can’t possibly fathom how you pulled that off.” Anya asked once the door had swung shut.

Lexa laughed and shrugged, “I have absolutely no idea. I must have done something right in another life.”

“So, Lexa, are we going to talk about the fact that I have never, in the nine years that I have known you, seen you go into a full on meltdown at the prospect of talking to a girl? You know what, I’ve never seen you go into a meltdown like that full-stop.” Lincoln leant forward towards the camera causing his face to fill the screen and the slight concern in his brown eyes to become obvious with the zoom in.

“I’m in agreement with Lincoln, which as we all know is extremely rare and as such we should mark this occasion. How about with free drinks at your bar, for all eternity?” As she suggested it, Anya wiggled her eyebrows as if to say, ‘go on, you know you want to.’

Lincoln sighed and threw himself bodily back into his chair. “Anya, drink prices for you are no longer double-“

“Sweet.” Anya cheered as she raised a fist in the air only for it to fall a moment later as Lincoln finished his sentence.

“-but triple the normal price.”

“Goddammit Lincoln!”

Lexa chuckled at her friends. This is what they were great at: adding lightness to the heavy topics, it was a skill they had mastered over the years and Lexa was so grateful for it. _It made it almost (so very, nearly almost) possible to talk about…,_ Lexa quickly shook her head refusing to let her mind wander back to that dark time.

_Don’t let what happened control your life._

_Don’t let **him** have the satisfaction._

“In all seriousness, what should I do? Should I go or not?” Lexa came and knelt in front of the bed so she was staring straight into the screen and facing her best friends. Lincoln and Anya quit joking around and fell silent, both contemplating their answers. Anya was the first to break the silence.

“I think you should go. But I don’t think you’ll like my reason why.”

“Why is that?” Lexa asked slightly taken aback.

Anya stared Lexa dead in the eye through the screen, “Because you are clearly still in love with Clarke.” Lexa shrugged helplessly. She couldn’t deny it especially under Anya’s penetrative stare. “You’ve gone through a hell of a lot in the time I’ve known you and you’ve never backed down when facing your fears - even when sometimes I’ve wished you would.” There was a bitter sigh at this point and a grunt of agreement from Lincoln, which made Lexa uncomfortable. “Lincoln and I both know that the nightmares that you have come from the monsters that you didn’t get closure with. And we know which those are because you  _never_ talk about them. Ever. Clarke is clearly a big deal if you’ve never once mentioned her to either of us in all the time we’ve known you.”

Lexa didn’t voice her agreement, it wasn’t necessary, all three knew this to be true. If Lincoln and Anya hadn’t been present for some of the worst days of Lexa’s life, she never would have told them about it.

 _When you grow up with a foster family who don’t give a shit, you quickly learn to keep your problems to yourself and handle them alone._ Lexa, in the past year due to Aden’s presence, was desperately trying to overcome this and was now able to, on occasion, talk about some of the worst days of her job.

She didn’t talk about **_him_** _._ She wasn’t ready to re-live it yet.

_Maybe one day._

“Going to this party, gives you a chance at that closure.” Anya finished with uncharacteristic gentleness.

“It gives you a chance to let her go at last.” Lincoln summed up, highlighting his agreement with Anya’s sentiments.

“See… that’s the issue…” Lexa exhaled the words slowly, looking off to one side with pouted lips.

“What’s the issue?” Lincoln queried confusion furrowing his brow.

“I’m not sure I want to let her go…”

* * *

Raven was worried. Not anxious or panicked, just marginally worried. Clarke was acting calm. Exceedingly calm.

After her near death by choking, Clarke had excused herself from the family dinner, and went out for a walk. Once she left, Raven and Abby turned on Jake. Jake didn’t even try to defend himself, he told them about how he had just spewed out the invite without thinking.

Clarke returned someway through Jake’s third raking over hot coals by Abby. She had calmly sat down and asked her dad to relate what had happened in a steady voice. Raven and Clarke’s parents had shared a look of trepidation. Jake retold the story whilst Clarke had listened attentively, taking in all the details. The only part she had reacted to was the reveal that Lexa was single and even that reaction had only been a slight widening of the eyes.

Once Jake had finished, the four of them had sat in silence until Clarke assured her father that inviting her to the party was the right thing to do. Raven and Clarke had left shortly after that, Clarke talking about inane topics for the majority of the journey. When they got home, Clarke had thanked Raven for saving her from choking and then gone to bed.

The next couple of days were almost like any other week. Raven and Clarke had a quick coffee together in the morning before heading off to work. They returned early evening and chatted over dinner, they’d established a routine of alternating whose turn it was to cook every night (if you can call putting a ready meal in the oven cooking). The main difference to their evening was the topic of conversation. Instead of regaling each other with anecdotes from their day, they were working their way through their issues. Finn being the first and big one.

They were completely honest with each other about everything that had happened and listened to how they had hurt each other when they first met. Raven would never admit it, but tears were shed. It would take time before they were both fully comfortable talking about the damage they had done to one another, but they were getting there and Raven was finally able to put to rest her fears that if either of them brought up their history their friendship would breakdown. Tuesday night Raven talked more about her home life, about her Dad leaving when she was a kid and her Mum not wanting her. Clarke had hugged her close and told her she had a family that would always want her now. Jake and Abby saw Raven as a daughter and the delinquents would always rally to her call. Wednesday saw a break from the heavy topics and the girls chilled out on the sofa watching action movies.

Throughout the week, Raven had been waiting with bated breath for any sign that Clarke was struggling, or freaking out about Saturday. But there was no sense of worry or concern. Clarke was constantly cool and collected. Raven asked regularly how she was doing and Clarke would answer with total sincerity that she was fine.

It was creeping Raven out.

With this in mind, she quickly organised a delinquent sit-down. Clarke, arrived home that Thursday night only for Raven to push her back out the door and say they were meeting the delinquents for dinner at ‘The Hub’.

* * *

Clarke and Raven were the last to arrive at the diner and were greeted with a round of ‘hellos’ and ‘heys’. Clarke sank into a seat between Bellamy and Monty giving both of them a hug and kiss on the cheek, Octavia was sat across from her and gave her a huge grin. Raven slumped into the seat next to Octavia and quickly swiped the menu from her hands, which Octavia responded to by whacking her arm. Murphy was sat on the other side of Octavia head down on the table as Jasper who was across from him patted his head in an awkward manner.

“Is Murphy alright?” Clarke whispered to Bellamy.

Bellamy laughed loudly causing Murphy to let out a low groan, “Baby Alex is teething and he naively said to Emori that he could get the baby to sleep quicker than her.”

“Murphy-”, Exasperation laced Clarke’s tone.

“Don’t. I have learnt my lesson. I’m more than aware that my wife is better than me in every way.” Murphy held up one finger in Clarke’s general direction, his voice muffled by the table but the self-deprecation was overly noticeable. “Now, can someone tell me why we needed an emergency group dinner when I could be at home napping?”

“Emergency meeting…?” Clarke quickly glanced at her friends who, all except for Murphy, were pointedly looking at Raven.

“Lexa is back in town.” Raven announced as she crossed her arms and looked around the table. There was a long silence before everyone broke out into asking rapid fire questions. Clarke, though, was only looking at Murphy, he had pulled himself up from the table and was staring at her. He didn’t say a word, but there was that ever present knowing look in his eye that he had whenever he looked at Clarke.

Murphy and Lexa had been close, almost as close as Lexa and Clarke. There had been a deep bond between Murphy and Lexa that had come from a shared understanding of living with a family who wanted nothing more than to bring you down. They both knew what it was like to have to grow up before you were ready. Clarke wondered if that was why her own friendship with Lexa had been so important, she had allowed Lexa to be a kid, to forget her troubles for a while.

Clarke had her suspicions that Murphy knew a hell of a lot more about why Lexa left than he let on especially with the looks he had thrown her every now and again over the years. Clarke and Murphy had never been close; they were only friends through Lexa and Bellamy more than anything else, but Clarke had always appreciated the support he had given to Lexa when they were younger and was proud of the man he had become. Murphy was a well-respected deputy in the sheriff’s department, a wonderful husband and an even better father. Admittedly, he still had a near constant expression of boredom and disinterest in the world around him but the delinquents recognised that this was more of a defence mechanism than an actual reflection of Murphy’s real attitude.

Clarke broke eye contact first with a blush; she and Raven started to field the questions that were being fired at them. Everyone seemed thrilled at the idea of Lexa being at the party on Saturday, even Murphy’s lip curled into a slight smile. Everyone threw out theories for why she’d come back to town, Jasper coming up with a long winded story that she had run away with the circus and had only come back because the trapeze artist had broken her heart. They had all chuckled along as Jasper had tried to act out his tale from his seat between bites of his burger. As he imitated the trapezist, he flung his burger around spilling sauce and lettuce over Bellamy who had merely groaned as Clarke handed him serviettes. Jasper apologised finishing his story quickly, as Monty, who had noticed Clarke had started to fidget, changed the topic causing Clarke to reach over and give his hand a squeeze to show her appreciation.

“So, Murphy, is Gustus still excited about retirement or has he realised that he is going to go stir crazy after a week?” Monty asked. Gustus had been sheriff of Skyark for the entire time that the delinquents had lived in the town. He was a key part of the community and his large, calming presence as sheriff would be sorely missed but none could deny he had more than earned his retirement; especially after dealing with all the messes the delinquents made when they were kids.

“Nah, he is over the moon to be getting out. He’s already planning on a long road trip to celebrate.” Murphy rolled his eyes and allowed a smile of affection for the old sheriff to grace his features.

“Looking forward to Emerson taking over?” Octavia asked with poorly disguised disgust, a look that was reflected on the faces of the rest of the delinquents. Emerson was a snivelling, creep of a man, far more interested in the political gains his position in the sheriff’s department gave him than actually helping people. He had been angling and jostling for the position of sheriff the second Gustus’ hair had started to turn grey.

Murphy smirked, “Emerson isn’t going to be the new sheriff.”

“WHAT?!” Everyone yelled, startling the waitress who had come over to start clearing their plates. It was widely accepted and dreaded that Emerson would get the sheriff’s job due to having worked at the department longer than anyone else.

“Then who?” Octavia asked sharply.

Bellamy side-eyed Murphy warily and pointed a finger at him, “...You?”

Murphy quickly shook his head, denying Bellamy’s suggestion. “The mayor hired some hotshot from out of town. All I know is that they used to work for the bureau.”

“Bureau?” Jasper cocked his eyebrow.

“FBI.” Murphy answered, Bellamy let out a low whistle. “Emerson was pissed when he found out, he’s been storming around all week. He’s been unbearable, and Gustus hasn’t even tried to rein him in since it's his last week, so he doesn’t really care.” Murphy grumbled as he leant back allowing the waitress to grab his empty plate.

Bellamy shot him a knowing look before saying, “You’ve been loving how miserable he is.” Murphy merely smirked in response.

Dessert menus appeared and a range of sundaes were ordered to be shared amongst all of them. “How’s the first week of school going, Bell?” Clarke asked as she took the strawberry sundae Bellamy was passing to her.

“Good, I’m trying to maximise the kids’ enthusiasm before they get bored with being back at school.” Bellamy was the History and English teacher at the local middle school, a profession that the delinquents had inspired him to pursue. He was a couple years older than the rest of them and had often tutored and helped them with homework, solidifying his role as the group big brother and encouraging him to become a teacher. “Actually, that reminds me.” Bellamy turned to face Clarke more fully with the grin he always got when talking about his students. “There’s this one kid who reminds of you.”

“Oh, yeah? Let me guess… disruptive, loud and no interest whatsoever in history?” Clarke guessed with a smirk.

“No… I, actually, like this kid, so he’s not exactly like you, in fact he might be the politest kid I’ve ever met… so I take it back he’s nothing like you.” Bellamy said dismissing his previous suggestion as he swiped a spoonful of the sundae in Clarke’s hand, Clarke quickly pulled the sundae away and shielded it to prevent Bellamy from getting anymore in punishment for his comments. “He’s quiet but really into art. He is constantly drawing in this sketchbook just like you were. He’s also really funny, he’s got a dry sense of humour you don’t see often in kids his age.”

“Polite with a dry sense of humour, sounds more like Lexa when she was child than Clarke.” Octavia chimed in from across the table.

“Fair.” Bellamy agreed. Clarke merely scoffed muttering about how she was polite when she was a kid just not at school to know-it-all teachers. “Anyway, he’s actually pretty talented with the drawing, and there’s a regional art competition coming up which I think I’m going to talk to his parents about entering him in.” The delinquents had tuned in to listen to Bellamy and were all smiling, they loved watching how he lit up when gushing about his students and admired the extra work that he put in to help them. Clarke regretted that they hadn’t had a teacher half as passionate as Bellamy was.

“That’s wonderful, bro. Let us know how it goes.” Octavia requested with total sincerity and the delinquents all joined into say they would also like to know how his newest protégé gets on.

The dinner wound down after dessert, everyone lingering not quite ready to say goodbye. They all agreed that they needed to make dinners like this a more regular thing. Murphy was the first to get up to go and headed out. Clarke paused only for a moment before following after him, she held a hand up to Raven to say she would be back in a minute. Murphy was a couple of yards down the street when Clarke called after him. After a moment’s hesitation, he turned and walked back towards her, stopping a couple of feet away.

“What’s up, Clarke?”

“I wanted to see how you’re handling the news that Lexa is back?” Clarke asked as she shuffled her feet and wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the slight evening chill.

“I’m okay.” Murphy murmured neutrally, refusing to expand his answer or ask how she was in return.

Clarke pushed forward, “You two were close…” Murphy eyed her warily as she tried to form a coherent sentence, “and she left so suddenly…” Clarke trailed off dropping her gaze to the pavement.

“And whose fault is that?” Though his words could be taken as accusatory there was nothing in his tone that conveyed that; it was said with the same level of disinterest a person would use when asking about the weather the next day.

“You know what happened, don’t you?” Clarke whispered to the ground.

“I don’t know everything, but I know enough.” Murphy begrudgingly admitted as he shifted on his feet, turning his back to the diner and offering Clarke only a side profile. “I know she went to tell you how she felt, the day before she left.” Clarke exhaled sharply looking up at him but he continued speaking without even acknowledging her. “She came to say goodbye to me before she left, she knew I would never forgive her if she didn’t come and see me before she disappeared.”

“What?! You knew she was leaving and didn’t stop her?!” Clarke whispered harshly at him following this revelation, disbelief consuming her features. _He could have stopped her, I could have had a chance to fix things._ One thought screamed the loudest out of all the others, _How could she have said goodbye to him but not to me?_ “How could you let her go?!”

Murphy snapped his head round to face Clarke, barely concealed fury burning in his usually dull eyes, “You broke her Clarke. Don’t you dare try and put the blame for her leaving at my feet.” Clarke flinched before ducking her head in shame. “I’d never seen her cry before. All the shit me and her went through and the only thing I had ever seen make her cry was you.”

“I’m sorry… I know that counts for nothing to you, but I mean it more than anything. I don’t know how I can prove it.” Clarke tightened her arms around herself as the tears began to spill from her eyes.

Murphy returned to staring out at the street. “She didn’t tell me what you did and made me promise I wouldn’t hurt you or hold it against you.” Murphy let a world weary sigh as he released his anger, dropping his head downwards and kicking his toe into the ground gently, “She had to leave, she needed the space.” Murphy muttered more to himself than to Clarke, “She was too good for this town, anyway.”

“Yeah, she was.”

Murphy pulled his jacket a bit tighter, straightening up to ready himself for walking away, “I forgave you a long time ago, Clarke.” He was staring at her with soft and gentle eyes, Clarke had never received such a look from him before and was stunned to silence. “You’ve been punishing yourself for close to a decade, there was nothing I could’ve done to you that would’ve matched what you were already doing to yourself.”

Clarke’s lips thinned and tears fell silently. Murphy reached over and clasped her arm before pulling away and starting his journey home. From over his shoulder he called out, “Don’t screw it up this time, Clarke.”

_She wouldn’t._

_Never again would she hurt Lexa. She would prove herself worthy of whatever relationship Lexa deigned to give her._ She had been so calm this week because when her Dad told her Lexa was back she realised she had been given a chance that she never thought she would get. Clarke had gone for a long walk and committed herself to doing whatever it took to earn Lexa back into her life. With that commitment came a tranquillity she had never had before.

Clarke watched Murphy’s retreating figure as she wiped her eyes and spent a couple of minutes composing herself. Eventually, she felt ready enough to head back inside.

* * *

Aden never really got nervous about starting a new school, he had done it so many times it never really fazed him especially when he knew he wouldn’t be at the school long before he was moved to another foster home. He had never made any friends since he knew they wouldn’t last and had always settled quietly in the background keeping his head down. Today, though, was different. He knew he wouldn’t be moving schools again. And how did he know this with such certainty? _Ma promised me. And Ma always keeps her promises._ The knowledge that this was permanent meant Aden, for the first time in a long time, was nervous about starting school.

His Ma had packed his lunch, walked him to the school and gave him a reassuring hug promising him that she would be waiting for him outside when school ended. The day had gone surprisingly well, the teachers were encouraging and the students were nice to him. At lunch a girl with dark, curly hair and caramel coloured skin invited him to sit with her and her friends. Aden was quiet most of the time not quite sure how to fit in but Charlotte was determined to include him in the conversation. The other kids seemed indifferent to Aden until he won them over by sharing the chocolate biscuits he had got from the store yesterday with them. They were all talking about a party at the weekend that they were all going to, which Aden recalled his Ma mentioning last night. Charlotte nudged him to say he should come as well, which Aden rapidly agreed to.

At the end of school he left to find his Ma exactly where she said she would be, a giddy expression on her face. “C’mon kiddo, I’ve got a surprise for you back at home.” Aden rushed over to her, and went into great detail about his first day at school. He asked if they could go to the party that his friends were talking about which caused his Ma to blush and stutter that they were going already.

When they got home, Lexa covered Aden’s eyes with her hands and led him through the house. Aden figured from the direction his Ma led him that they were going to the den at the back of the house. Lexa had been pretty secretive about what she was planning to do with the room up until this point. Lexa quickly removed her hands and yelled out, “Surprise!”

The room was painted light blue and looked out over the back garden, there was a large desk to one side stacked with paper and high quality drawing pencils, charcoal and colouring pencils. Next to the window was an easel with blank canvases leaning nearby and against the back wall opposite there was a comfy, deep blue sofa.

“Ma…”, Aden croaked overcome with emotion. Lexa quickly walked to kneel in front of him concern etched into her features.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it or want to change it. I just know how much you love to draw and I wanted to give you a space to do that since the apartment back in DC didn’t have much room, I thought-” Lexa was rambling away trying to fix whatever she thought she had done wrong when Aden threw himself into her arms and hugged her as tightly as he could, burying his head into her neck as he tried to hide the tears.

“I love it, Ma.” Aden murmured from the crook of Lexa’s neck. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” Lexa slowly pulled herself away and looked into his eyes. Aden sniffed slightly as he slowly examined the room again. “Go on, have a proper look.” His Ma had a big cheesy grin as she let him go and pushed him gently forward into the room. Aden ran his hand over everything before settling on the sketchbook on the desk.

Aden took to carrying the sketchbook with him everywhere working on it between classes and during lunch. Charlotte complimented his work every chance she got and they became good friends in the space of only a couple of days. Mr. Blake (Aden’s favourite teacher) said his work was incredible resulting in Aden glowing with pride for the rest of the day.

Finally, Saturday arrived. Aden was wearing his bright red swimming shorts and a white t-shirt, he was bouncing slightly, eager to be out the door and on their way. Lexa was dragging her feet and repeatedly returning to the mirror to check her appearance. She was dressed in denim shorts, a white tank top and red flannel shirt over the top. Aden thought she looked fine and couldn’t work out what all the fuss was about. His Ma had even baked her signature apple and cinnamon pie to take with them which Aden was holding now whilst his Ma ran around trying to find reasons to delay leaving for a moment longer.

“C’mon Ma, we’ve got everything, let’s go.”

“Right… right… okay, let’s do this.” Lexa relented, sounding as if she were going for a root canal rather than to a party. With that, Lexa grabbed her keys and they were out the door.


	5. End of Summer Party

“Are you okay, Ma?”

“I’m fine… fine… why do you ask?”

“Because we’ve been standing outside the house for nearly 5 minutes now.” Aden pointed out. He was starting to worry about his Ma, she had her ‘commander face’ (as Anya had nicknamed it) on: head held high, piercing green eyes focused forwards and jaw tightened. Aden reached over and took her hand. “Ma, we can go if you want…”

Aden looked up at her with such an earnest and considerate expression, that Lexa felt herself melt on the inside whilst her resolve hardened. She squeezed his hand and forced a smile, “C’mon let’s go inside, I want to meet this Charlotte that you haven’t stopped talking about all week.” Aden gave her a cheesy grin as she tugged him across the road towards the house blaring music and people flowing in and out constantly.

The back gate was open and they quietly strode through into the large garden that was full with people. The BBQ was off in the corner; Jake was manning it whilst chatting happily away with Monty ( _he looks exactly the same, it’s like he hasn’t aged a day_ ) and a tall girl with dark hair and dark eyes who Lexa didn’t recognise. Adjacent to the BBQ and next to the back fence was a long table that looked near to buckling under the weight of an array of food and drink. The centre piece of the garden was a large pool that numerous kids were jumping in and out of with loud shrieks. There was a patio directly in front of the house that hosted numerous chairs and tables that people were sitting at and socialising.

_It’s exactly as I remember it._

Aden had let go of her hand to wave at a girl. The girl was sat on the edge of the pool dangling her feet in the water and was beckoning him over with her hand and a big smile. _Ah, that must be Charlotte especially considering the big, goofy grin on my son’s face._ Lexa reached over to take the pie that Aden had been holding, balanced on one hand. “Go on. Go be with your friends. I’ll keep an eye on you from afar. Don’t leave the backyard, okay?”

Aden let her take the pie but appeared very hesitant to leave her, worry for her filling his eyes. _Dammit,_ Lexa thought to herself, she never wanted him to feel like he couldn’t enjoy his childhood because of her personal drama. “Are you sure, Ma?”

“Absolutely, I am going to be more than occupied eating my way through the food at the back there. Don’t you remember the all-you-can-eat buffet Lincoln took us to?” Lexa nudged him with her elbow and gave him a playful smirk.

Aden turned slightly green at the memory, “Please, don’t do that here, Ma…” he pleaded with a horrified look.

Lincoln had taken the pair of them to an all-you-can-eat buffet across town. Lexa, in an attempt to impress Aden who was still getting to know Lexa at the time, bet Lincoln that she could out eat him. They were there for three hours. Lincoln and Lexa went full plate after full plate, before (finally) Lincoln conceded to Lexa when a final spring roll proved too much and had him running for the bathroom. Lexa had gone back for another plate just to rub it in Lincoln’s face when the restaurant’s owner came up to their table and quietly requested that they leave and never come back. It appeared Lexa had more or less single-handedly consumed the buffet table and was close to eating them out of house and home. That night, Lincoln had stayed at their apartment curled up on the bathroom floor, blaming Lexa, every chance he could, for his misfortune.

“I promise to restrain myself.” Lexa held up a hand in imitation of the scout’s promise. “Now don’t keep your friend waiting any longer.” She shooed him away and towards Charlotte; pleased to see Aden didn’t hesitate this time, reassured by his mother’s light joking.

Lexa took a deep breath before heading over to the food table, looking for a place to put down her pie, “Please, tell me that is apple pie.” A rich voice demanded by her shoulder. Lexa turned her head slightly to take in the speaker. It was the girl that Lexa had seen talking to Jake and as such Lexa took a moment to fully take her in. She was outstandingly pretty with an arrogant yet playful smirk that was endearing, her hair was tied up in a high ponytail to keep it out of her face, and she had deep chocolate eyes that were filled with warmth. She was wearing blue boarder shorts and a black bikini top.

“Apple and cinnamon.” Lexa replied as she tried to force a smile ( _why is acting like a normal human being so difficult when talking to a new person?),_ she was afraid it came out more like a grimace.

“Even better.” The new girl cheered as she confidently cleared a small space on the table for Lexa to place the pie down. “I’ve been craving dessert for the past hour but people have only brought alcohol or potato salad.” Lexa had figured that would be the case, it had been the last time she had come to the end-of-summer party all those years ago. Lexa had ate so much potato salad she couldn’t so much as look at another serving of it until after Christmas.

“That’s always the case with parties like this.” Lexa acknowledged in agreement as the excited girl started to cut out a slice of Lexa’s pie.

“I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before.” The girl side eyed her clearly trying to place if she had seen Lexa before or not.

“You probably won’t have.” Lexa admitted as she reached over and grabbed a fork for the girl who took it gratefully, and a plate for herself to start piling food onto.

“Didn’t think so, I’ve more or less met everyone in town by now, everyone comes to my auto shop eventually.” The girl took a bite of the pie and immediately let out an embarrassingly loud groan of pleasure. “This is fu- frickin amazing.” The girl caught herself from swearing, throwing a guilty look over at the kids running around nearby.

“I’ll probably be visiting you at your shop soon then, my car is due a service.” Lexa paused whilst loading food onto her plate to fix that thought into her memory so that she would get it sorted in the next few weeks.

“Reyes’ auto shop.” The mechanic stated through a stuffed mouth, before swallowing. “My name is Raven by the way, and if you bring along another one of these pies I’ll give you a discount on the service.” Lexa laughed and shook the hand Raven held out towards her.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Raven.”

“Awesome. So, what’s your name pie queen?” Raven asked as she moved slightly to the side granting Lexa greater access to the table of food.

Lexa reached past her grabbing a burger that had her full attention, “Lexa. Lexa Woods. So, how long have you lived in Skyark?” Lexa questioned keen to keep the conversation going with the friendly mechanic.

It took nearly a full minute of Lexa picking out more food before she realised Raven hadn’t replied or even moved in response. Lexa glanced over at Raven to see her slightly wide-eyed and slack-jawed, staring at her like she was a ghost. “Are you alright?” Concern laced her words as she looked around to see if someone might be able to help.

“Holy shit, you’re Clarke’s Lexa.” Raven finally gasped as she shook herself out of her stupor, meanwhile, Lexa nearly dropped her plate.

_Clarke’s Lexa? What the fuck does that even mean? How the hell does she know that? Oh shit, she’s Clarke’s girlfriend._

Lexa forced herself to calm down with a deep breath as she steadily swung her gaze around the backyard, looking for Aden so that she could make a quick escape with him if need be. “Fuck, I just swo- shit, I said fuck. Shut up, Raven.” Raven was now making up for her previous stunned silence with rapid fire words. “Right… err.. Hi. I’m Raven - wait you already knew that - I’m Clarke’s best friend. She’s told me _so_ much about you.” Lexa took a small step backwards at Raven’s frantic speech. The shift from cool and collected pie enthusiast was shocking to say the least. “Well, she hasn’t told me everything, just a lot. Not an excessive amount, mind you. A reasonable amount.” Raven let out an explosive breath of air, trying to alleviate the red blush that was consuming her features.

“O-okay.” Lexa said tentatively; still unable to process the amount of information that Raven was spewing out at her.

“Okay.” Raven nodded rapidly, “Okay… stay right here. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.” Raven held up her hands wafting the plate with pie on it around, nearly throwing it on the floor in the process. Lexa nodded slowly with pursed lips agreeing to the promise not to move. Then Raven was gone, sprinting towards the house.

_Well, that was weird._

* * *

“Ah, Clarke, have you met the town mayor before?” Abby asked as her daughter walked into the kitchen holding two drinks, one of which Clarke promptly handed to her mother.

“No, not in person. Indra Jackson, right?” Standing next to her mother in the kitchen was a tall, proud looking woman dressed in a white skirt and pink shirt (she was more dressed up than anyone else at the party but had an image of respectability to maintain, Clarke supposed).

Indra Jackson was the kind of person that talked with a low, quiet voice that somehow made everyone in the nearby vicinity stop talking to give her their undivided attention. Indra had been mayor for the past three years and had been pushing to develop and attract small businesses to further grow the town. She was also Octavia’s boss and mentor, having hired Octavia almost immediately after taking office, impressed by Octavia’s iron will and blunt honesty.

“I really admire the work you’ve been doing for the town.” Clarke offered respectfully.

Indra smiled politely and shook Clarke’s proffered hand as she received the compliment. “Thank you, that’s always good to hear. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, too.” Indra revealed conversationally with sharp eyes that Clarke felt were assessing her.

“Me?” Surprise overtook Clarke at Indra’s statement.

“The entire town speaks very highly of you, most people I know merely refer to you as... ‘the good doctor’. People have placed a lot of faith in you.” It was clear from Indra’s slight eyebrow raise that she was trying to decide if Clarke was worthy of the praise of her town’s citizens.

“I try every day to be worthy of that faith.” Clarke said in a serious tone refusing to skirt around what Indra was getting at. Indra’s eyebrow raised further and her lips twitched, slightly impressed with Clarke’s directness but refusing to acknowledge it.

“I was just asking Indra about the town’s new sheriff.” Abby interrupted from the side, in an attempt to disrupt the tension that had quickly formed.

Clarke let out a quiet breath trying to prevent any further stress from building within herself. She had gotten to her parents’ house two hours before the party started, helping to set up and obsessively trying to make everything perfect. Her parents had allowed her to obsess over the party details appreciating that Clarke needed to be doing something to distract from her thoughts. Abby had been a godsend as people started to arrive by checking in on Clarke regularly and giving her any little job she could to keep her occupied. Clarke had been doing loop after loop of the backyard searching for a pair of forest green eyes, when her mum had requested Clarke get her and a few other people drinks, to which Clarke had happily complied with. Abby had also insisted that Clarke stick to non-alcoholic drinks so that she felt more in control, and after some reflection Clarke agreed as it was a good idea no matter how much she wanted a drink to steady her nerves.

Indra was talking about the new sheriff’s impressive resume and the enthusiasm they had shown for the town in their interview. Abby suggested that if the sheriff was here today, that Indra should introduce them to the town during the party, which Indra said she would consider. Clarke was about to excuse herself to do another loop of the backyard when Raven came barrelling into the kitchen colliding with Indra who was stood near the doorway.

‘So sorry, madame mayor.’ Raven apologised as she tried to steady Indra, who in turn flicked Raven’s hand off her, not keen on personal contact. Raven took a step back panting heavily from clear exertion. There was a piece of pie teetering on the edge of a plate in one of Raven’s hands that Abby was leaning towards ready to prevent it from falling on her clean kitchen floor. “Clarke!” Raven yelled. Abby and Clarke flinched at Raven’s loud volume. “I’ve been looking all over for you. C’mon let’s go!” Raven quickly threw the plate into Abby’s free hand (who took hold of it more out of surprise than anything else) after which Raven grabbed Clarke’s arm in a vice like grip and began to drag her out of the room.

“Raven, what’s going on?” Clarke asked as she tried to keep herself upright with Raven yanking her arm.

“Lexa’s here!”

Clarke gulped and tried to keep from trembling as she was led away.

* * *

Lexa had moved a few steps away from the table whilst keeping to the same area at Raven’s request. She was nibbling away at her food casting furtive and proud looks over at Aden who was now playing in the pool with Charlotte and a few other kids of different ages.

“Alexandria.” A quiet and neutral voice said somewhere to her right. Lexa would not only recognise that voice anywhere but there was only one person who actually knew what her full name was (most believed her name was simply Lexa), and it brought an instant smile to her face.

“John.” Lexa said equally as quietly, she was the only one who could get away with calling Murphy by his first name as well. His eyes were as soft and gentle as they were when they were kids, and he had the exact same, small, smile that had been reserved solely for herself. Lexa felt overwhelmed with joy and relief that John still looked at her like that, and quickly pulled him into a hug. Murphy went stiff for a second before quickly returning it and pulling away. Murphy had never been one for physical affection but Lexa had never minded as his eyes always conveyed an incredible amount of affection if you knew where to look for it. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Glad to hear you’re back.” Murphy responded with complete sincerity. “Also married and a father now.” Murphy raised his chin gesturing to two people over on the patio. Lexa followed his gesture to see Emori, bouncing a toddler on her lap up and down whilst making funny faces to get the baby to laugh for a crowd of admiring adults surrounding the pair. Lexa’s heart soared and plummeted in equal measure causing it to vibrate uncomfortably in her chest. She was exceedingly proud of Murphy and his little family but regretted that she hadn’t been around to see it.

“John, that’s incredible. I always knew Emori was perfect for you.” Lexa tried to express her joy for the person who had always been a kindred spirit to her in her tone alone.

“Yeah, you did.” Murphy murmured affably. Lexa and Murphy had always talked in low voices to each other when they were growing up, sharing their similar pain and affection with quiet words in the hope that the world wouldn’t hear their secrets. “I wished you’d been there, you know?” At that confession, Lexa felt her chest hollow out, and she swallowed thickly.

“I wished I’d been there, too.” She whispered in return. “I’m sorry. For not coming back.”

“I know.” Murphy squinted up at the sky, tucking his hands into his pockets, “But you needed to leave, and from the looks of things it was good for you.” Lexa gave John a shy smile.

“Fatherhood, looks good for you too.” That was true, Murphy no longer shrugged into himself (just like she used to do as well) but more importantly his eyes shined brighter and there was the start of crinkles around his eyes that Lexa thought would never take residence on the king of frowns’ face.

“His name is Alexander.” Murphy moved to stare at his precious little family, “I named him after you.”

Lexa stared at the little boy giggling on Emori’s lap, her mouth dry, the boy ( _Alexander,_ her mind supplied) was beautiful and looked like the incarnation of joy and happiness itself. Her brain couldn’t even suggest words that would fully transmit how touched she was by Murphy’s revelation and how she felt completely undeserving of such an honour. Murphy, though, took one look at Lexa’s face and understood everything she couldn’t say. He reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

“You deserved it. Everything you did for me when we were younger… there’s no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it wasn’t for you, half as good a husband or father.” Murphy whispered to her and despite the low volume Lexa heard every word clearly as they reverberated around her head. “I should get back to the wife, but I hope we can catch up properly soon.” Lexa merely nodded still staring at her namesake knowing she already loved the child as much as she loved John. Lexa took John’s hand and squeezed promising without words that they would. John nodded before walking away.

Lexa was trying to recompose herself when she, finally, saw Clarke.

Clarke had just stepped through the crowd on the patio, on the opposite side of the pool. The whole world fell away as blue eyes met green. It was as if someone had hit the mute button on the entire planet and Lexa forgot how to breathe.

Clarke’s blonde hair was cascading around her shoulders in golden streams, and her eyes shone brighter than the sky on a clear summer’s day when she finally made eye contact with Lexa. She was dressed in denim shorts and a white tank underneath which a blue bikini was visible. Lexa raked her eyes up and down the form of her once best friend and gulped.

 _How the fuck did she get prettier?_ _Also, I’m pretty sure my heart is self-destructing in my chest right now._

Lexa smiled uncertainly as she raised her hand and wiggled her fingers in Clarke’s direction in what could only be described as the most awkward wave in the history of the human race. Clarke, though, lit up at the gesture, her smile widening to an impossible degree as she fixed her gaze solely on Lexa and strode confidently and purposefully towards her.

In fact, Clarke was so fixed on Lexa that she forgot entirely about the pool spread out between them. As such, she strode confidently and purposefully right into the pool.

SPLASH!

Clarke resurfaced almost immediately, spluttering for a moment before starting an undignified doggy paddle to cross the pool towards Lexa.

Lexa burst out into a full bodied laugh, all her worries vacating her as she was transported back to when she and Clarke were 12.

They had gone for a long walk in the woods that surrounded Skyark, the route they had taken meant they had to cross back over a stream with no bridge in sight to get home. Lexa had ( _wisely,_ at least in Lexa’s opinion) crossed the river at a point where the water was about knee high. Meanwhile, Clarke stubbornly refused to cross in the vain hope that a bridge would appear so she wouldn’t have to get wet. After about 5 minutes of walking on opposite sides of the river, Clarke quickly got frustrated with being separated from her best friend, so much so, that when she spotted an array of stepping stones that led across the stream, she had scrambled to pass over them as fast as possible, her eyes fixed on Lexa on the other side of the bank. Lexa had watched in slow motion as Clarke slipped and fell head first into the river. Lexa was prepared to dive in after her when Clarke had emerged from the water cursing loudly. Lexa fell into hysterical giggles and Clarke sulked for the entire walk home.

Lexa kindly walked forward stretching out a hand to help pull Clarke out of the pool. Lexa’s round of laughter only increased when she saw the adorable pout Clarke was sporting. The pout quickly vanished and Clarke joined in the laughter as she shook herself like a dog, dampening Lexa and clearing off a lot of the water.

And, as if by magic, the potential awkwardness of their reunion vanished and they were, once again, the same two girls who had been inseparable for all of their childhood.

* * *

“You always did like to make an entrance, Clarke.” Lexa remarked with a shake of her head in exasperation. Clarke looked up at her sheepishly as her eyes sparkled with pleasure at hearing her name from Lexa for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Well, you know me, I always did like to make a splash.” Clarke said with such a cheeky and childish grin that Lexa couldn’t help but snort.

“That was awful, Clarke.” Lexa didn’t need to say her name again but Lexa obviously enjoyed saying it and seeing how Clarke’s eyes would sparkle in return. “And here I hoped your humour might have improved over the years.”

“You were always the funny one, Lexa. And the smart one. And the nice one.” Clarke began to list putting a definite edge to her tone that emphasised that she wouldn’t accept any evidence to suggest otherwise.

“Yeah, well you were always the pretty one.” Lexa quickly cut in, causing Clarke to blush pleasantly at the compliment.

 _No, you were_.

 _You’re not just pretty, though, you’re breath-taking. Stunning,_ Clarke thought, _so much so that I walked straight into a pool._

A silence fell between them that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. They were both simply taking each other in. Their heads flitting through the past misadventures they had shared. “So…” Lexa finally said trying to regain the control that a pair of sparkly blue eyes had stolen from her, “did you become a doctor, like you planned?”

Clarke hesitated before speaking, still gazing deeply at green eyes before swallowing and saying, “Yeah, I’m actually one of the town’s local doctors, though I was working in Boston in the emergency department before coming back to Skyark a few years ago.”

"Ahh... ", Lexa responded, whilst Clarke tried to order the questions vying for attention in her mind begging to be asked, one louder than all the others, _why did you come back?_ “Boston is a great city.”

“Yeah, it is… have you lived there at all?” Clarke asked using the opening that Lexa had given her.

“Err… no, passed through it a few times for work but for the majority of the time I’ve been living in DC.”  Lexa answered finally shifting her eyes away from Clarke and glancing around.

Clarke took a deep breath and asked the question that was loudest of all in her mind, “So, why did you decide to come back?” Lexa returned her gaze to Clarke, this time with a hardened look and lips pressed tightly together. Clarke had never seen such a hardness to Lexa before and was momentarily taken aback by the commanding presence she now exuded. It was clear to Clarke that Lexa was sizing her up (much the same way that Indra had done) trying to decide if she was worthy of an honest answer.

 _Wow, she is different_ , Clarke realised.

Clarke had already acknowledged that she stood taller and dressed in such a way that highlighted she was far more comfortable in her own skin, but this was the first clear sign that this Lexa in front wasn’t the same Lexa (on the inside) that had left town. There was a coldness and strength present that hadn’t been there when they were younger. Steel hidden beneath the surface. Clarke wondered what could have possibly forged Lexa into this new version.

“Well-”, Lexa began slowly.

“Hey, Ma.” A golden hair boy with soulful blue eyes came and stood between Clarke and Lexa. The boy couldn’t have been more than eleven and was staring up at Lexa with a look of deep affection and love. Bellamy was hovering awkwardly behind the boy his jaw hanging open.

_Wait a second, did that kid just call Lexa, ‘Ma’?_


	6. I'm Sorry

Aden was having a great time at the party. Charlotte had immediately tugged him into the pool and orchestrated a game of tag with some other kids. Aden would occasionally throw a glance to check on his mother and would be pleased to see her happily eating a burger and watching him with a proud smile. The next time he looked over: she was whispering to a man with a disinterested face who Ma was giving that vulnerable, small smile that Aden saw only on rare occasions. Aden made no assumptions about the man from his uninterested demeanour, knowing how his Ma appeared stern and cold when working and his aunt Anya always looked annoyed yet they were (in Aden’s humble opinion) the best people in the world.

Eventually, Charlotte started to tire so Aden called her over to sit on the side of the pool and chat whilst they recovered their energy. Charlotte had just suggested that they go get themselves some food when Aden heard his name.

“Aden, having a good time?” Aden swivelled in place to see Mr. Blake kneeling down to be at the same height as the two kids with a large smile on his face.

“Yeah, I am having so much fun, sir.” Aden answered with enthusiasm as he glanced over at Charlotte who was nodding in agreement. Mr. Blake rolled his eyes slightly still unable to get over how polite and adorable this kid was.

“That’s wonderful to hear. How are you finding Skyark so far?” Mr. Blake asked with a curious squint, clearly invested in Aden’s well-being.

“It feels like home, sir.” Aden said honestly. _It does feel like home, Ma ensured that_. Mr. Blake let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief, satisfied that his student was happy.

“Hey, Aden are your parents here at all?” Mr. Blake queried moving onto the reason he had approached the boy in the first place.

“It’s just me and my Ma, actually, sir. And, yes, she’s here.” Mr.  Blake nodded as he took this information in, a positive impression of the woman that had raised Aden building in his head. “Can you introduce me to her? I want to talk to her about entering your artwork into a competition.”

“Really?!” Aden exclaimed; Charlotte squealed in delight and punched his arm lightly saying how she had been telling him all week that his art was incredible. Aden quickly got to his feet as Mr. Blake did the same.

“Yes, really. Your drawings are very impressive.”

“That’s what Ma says but she says that about anything I do. I always thought she was kind of biased.” Aden said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck; Mr. Blake merely chuckled in response.

“Sounds like my mum.” Mr. Blake admitted as Aden started to lead them around the pool to the back of the garden.

Aden spotted his Ma talking to a dripping wet blonde woman who was practically shining with joy at speaking with his Ma.

 _I hope I don’t look like that when I talk to Ma. Eh… I probably do_.

Aden wasn’t keen to interrupt but knew his Ma would spot him quickly anyway and stop the conversation, so he saw no harm in speaking out when there was a lull in the conversation.

“Hey, Ma.” Aden gave his Ma his signature grin, noticing how Lexa’s expression shifted from her ‘commander face’ to unrestrained warmth. “This is Mr. Blake, my history teacher I told you about. He wanted to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Aden gestured towards Mr. Blake who was stood behind him and spoke shyly with the knowledge that his artwork was to be the topic of conversation. He noticed Mr. Blake quickly snapping his jaw shut.

“Of course that’s okay, sweetie.” Lexa reassured ruffling Aden’s hair before facing Mr. Blake. “Bellamy.” Lexa greeted. _They know each other,_ Aden realised.

“Lexa.” Bellamy said stiffly in return, not quite sure how to act appropriately with this turn of events. Aden took a step away so they could talk and ended up next to the blonde who was looking at him with a look of utter perplexity on her face.

“Hi.” Aden whispered to her, unsure what to make of the soaking blonde.

“You’re Lexa’s son?” She croaked.

‘Err… yes…’ Aden replied with a Lexa and Anya-esque eyebrow raise.

“That’s… that’s…” The blonde took a deep breath before looking Aden straight in the eye and giving him a warm and welcome smile that Aden was surprised to find put him at immediate ease. “Amazing. I always thought Lexa would make a good mum.” Aden beamed in agreement, the blonde then gave him a sheepish smile, “She was always cleaning up my messes when we were kids.” That stirred a memory in Aden.

“You’re Clarke?” Clarke looked happily surprised as she nodded.

“Lexa talks about me?” Clarke sounded so full of hope that Aden felt bad when his following words caused her eyes to go downcast.

“Err… no… she mentioned you for the first time last week.”

“Oh…” Aden’s heart squeezed unpleasantly and he couldn’t explain why he felt such a desire to cheer up this woman even though he barely knew her, he thought it might have something to do with the look of pure joy she had when talking to his Ma just a moment ago. He wanted to keep someone who looked at his Ma like that around.

“She told me how she set your house on fire.” Aden revealed with a playful smirk.

“Oh, that. That was nothing in comparison to some of the stuff we used to get up to.” Clarke chuckled at Aden’s shocked expression, who was still not fully able to reconcile the idea of his Ma as a troublemaker.

“Really? What else did Ma do?” Aden was beyond eager to hear about this formerly unknown side to his Ma so much so he was vibrating on the spot.

Clarke’s eyes shone with amusement before kneeling down to whisper in his ear so Lexa wouldn’t hear. Clarke was halfway through the story of how she and Lexa, when they were 14, rigged the speakers in the town church to blast disco music for the entirety of the Sunday service, (Aden was giggling so much his ribs hurt) when his Ma called out.

“You better not be corrupting my son, Clarke.”

Clarke pulled away from Aden giving him a conspiratorial wink before putting on an over-the-top expression of innocence. “I would do no such thing. In fact, I was lecturing him on the importance of attending church and the sense of community that it provides.”

Lexa and Mr. Blake had finished talking, and had turned on the two blondes, both wearing the expression of a teacher who had just discovered students with a bucket of paint and paintbrushes standing in front of a blank wall in a deserted part of the school. Unamused and suspicious would be an apt summary. “Aden were you really talking about church?” Lexa cocked her hip and crossed her arms.

Aden grinned able to answer, “Yes, Ma”, with full honesty. Lexa slowly raised an eyebrow which had Aden adding shyly, “and disco music.”

Clarke gasped and whispered ‘traitor’ to him under her breath. Lexa was about to admonish Clarke further when the music playing in the background cut out and someone dinged a glass repeatedly to get people’s attention. The four of them turned towards the patio where an imperial looking woman stood looking out at the people gathered around.

“Hello, everyone. For those of you that don’t know me, which I hope isn’t many of you, I am Indra Jackson, mayor of Skyark.” There was a round of applause and a few light laughs. “I just wanted to take a moment to thank the Griffins for opening up their home to us and throwing such a wonderful party.” This generated a round of cheers. “Citizens of this town are well known for their friendly and welcoming nature, and I hope all of you show how well earnt this reputation is to the town’s new sheriff.” These words caused a momentary hush to fall as anticipation built. “I am more than pleased to introduce Skyark’s new sheriff: Lexa Woods.” With this Indra held her arm out to point towards Aden’s Ma who had gone full commander mode, oozing professionalism. The entirety of the backyard turned to face the four of them, specifically Lexa, but gazes flicked intermittently to Clarke and Aden stood by her side.

That’s when the whispers started.

It quickly became clear to Aden that his Ma was far more well-known to this town than he had originally believed. Everyone was pointing and murmuring. Aden felt increasingly uncomfortable with the level of scrutiny which his Ma, instinctively, seemed to know as she stepped in front of him shielding him from the inadvertent looks. Aden felt his face turn bright red and his breathing quicken, as it slowly dawned on him what it would mean to be the son of the Sheriff in such a small town.

He jerked slightly as he felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder, only to find Clarke smiling down at him softly. Clarke tilted her head to the side indicating a spot a few feet away that would give Aden a little more privacy. He nodded and Clarke led him away as his Ma made a small speech (Aden didn’t really hear it) but knew it was vaguely her thanking everyone for being so welcoming and that she was looking forward to starting work.

Clarke shielded Aden from the crowd, kneeling down and whispering in his ear as she pointed out various people to distract him. It was the embodiment of small talk but Aden was exceedingly grateful for it. Eventually the music turned back on and people went back to their socialising. Aden glanced around for his Ma who was now talking to Indra and Bellamy, however she was continuously throwing concerned glances over at him. It was obvious she was trying to make an excuse to breakaway (Bellamy looked like he was attempting to aid Lexa in this pursuit) but Indra appeared to be in full flow. Aden smiled at his Ma to reassure her, and instinctively knew that Clarke was doing the same.

“How are you doing?” Concern glowed in Clarke’s eyes.

“I’m fine… I just don’t like being… err…” Aden didn’t really know how to explain it but Clarke smiled knowingly.

“Scrutinised.” Clarke supplied helpfully. “Your Ma was the same when she was your age. She seems better with it now though.”

“No, she’s just better at hiding it.” Aden said before instantly feeling guilty for revealing one of his Ma’s secrets, Clarke, however, dipped her head to reach Aden’s gaze her eyes filled with understanding. Her eyes conveyed that Lexa’s secrets were safe with her. That same inexplicable feeling of ease filled him again and Aden found he still couldn’t reason how Clarke invoked such a response in him.

“Hey, sweetie, sorry about all that.” Lexa appeared at his side pulling him into a tight hug. “We can go if you want?” Aden shook his head into his Ma’s chest looking up to see her mouthing ‘thank you’ at Clarke over his head.

“I’m fine, Ma. Is it alright if I go back to playing with Charlotte?” Lexa instantly assented, pleased to see that Lexa’s new fame as Sheriff hadn’t disturbed Aden too much.

“Of course, sweetie. Mayor Jackson wants me to meet a few people…” Aden noticed the apologetic glance Lexa threw at Clarke who merely shook her head to say it was okay, and mouthed that they could catch up later. “...if at any point you feel like you want to go let me know.” Lexa kindly ordered.

“Will do, Ma.” Aden promised before jogging back towards where he had last seen Charlotte.

* * *

Clarke mingled for the rest of the party, talking half-heartedly to the delinquents, family friends and anyone who came into her nearby vicinity. Chatting away with people gave her suitable cover with which to watch Lexa from afar ( _Dear God that sounds creepy_ ). The delinquents were more than aware what she was doing so didn’t mind her spacing out as she focused on Lexa over their shoulder, which nearly made up for the relentless teasing she received for the pool fiasco. Raven and Jake had burst into laughter the moment she walked up to them and didn’t stop. Clarke had huffed and stormed away towards Abby who was at least kind enough to try and hold off her own giggles.

Once Jake and Raven had managed to regain some semblance of control over their laughter they had joined Clarke and Abby and interrogated Clarke about how her reunion with Lexa had gone and who the cute kid was they saw her talking to. Clarke was unable to hold off the happiness that must have shone from her face as she told them that it had gone really well. Her family were more than pleased for her and then she told them about Aden. That resulted in three pairs of eyes widening.

“I thought that Lexa was…” Jake began trying to be tactful.

“Only into the ladies?” Raven supplied chirpily. “Thereby reducing the likelihood of pregnancy? Unless there is some sort of Immaculate Conception thing going on here, in which case I have far more pressing concerns to attend to.”

“I don’t think he’s her biological son.” Clarke said slowly, not wanting to put all her chips on this suggestion in case she was wrong.

“Why do you think that?” Abby asked, talking quietly appreciating that this sort of topic could start an incredibly inappropriate rumour if inaccurate.

“His age.” Clarke answered thoughtfully. “He must be about ten, and if that’s the case Lexa must have been pregnant when she left town.”

“Maybe that’s the reason she left town in the first place.” Abby suggested lightly, testing the water with Clarke who had always been tight-lipped on this topic. Abby and Jake had found her the morning after the last time she she had seen Lexa. Clarke had been distraught, she didn’t tell them what had happened; Clarke’s parents had to console her not knowing what they were consoling her for, which had broken Abby and Jake’s hearts. Clarke had broken down again the afternoon of graduation when she and everyone else finally realised that Lexa had skipped town.

“That’s not why she left.” Clarke asserted with a cold edge to her voice. Abby instantly regretted reminding Clarke of the past as she watched a cloud of sorrow wash over her daughter. Clarke glanced at Lexa who was being re-introduced to, pretty much, the entire town by the looks of things at the behest of a strong-willed Indra. The feelings of guilt, regret and loss that had been quietly humming in the background of Clarke’s heart for the majority of the past ten years rose up, and made her feel sick to the stomach. Jake and Abby both reached out to Clarke resting a hand on either shoulder recognising the emotions bursting the gates that Clarke kept them behind. Clarke took a deep breath.

“And anyway, he doesn’t look like her.” Clarke began returning to the subject and away from her own demons. She quickly tried to correct herself, “I mean he has very similar mannerisms and expressions-” Clarke beamed as she remembered the small boy’s near perfect eyebrow raise and shy behaviour. It was incredible how quickly the boy had endeared himself to Clarke, she didn’t know if it was his similarity to Lexa when she was a child or how he and Lexa lit up when they were around each other. “-it’s actually rather adorable he has the exact same eyebrow raise as her and he hates being the centre of attention; he is just the sweetest kid.” Clarke gushed.

“I think her ovaries are exploding.” Raven whispered to Jake and Abby who could only nod in agreement as Clarke described her interactions with this small boy in detail.

“But, yeah… I think he is adopted as they aren’t physically similar and Lexa mentioned when we were kids that she always wanted to adopt rather than have her own kids.” Clarke paused as she remembered Lexa’s declaration all those years ago, “She wanted to give a kid who felt unwanted a good home. A better home than she had growing up.” Clarke smiled wistfully.

“Well, that makes perfect sense. I’m sure Lexa has given Aden a wonderful home.” Abby assured with full sincerity.

“After looking after you for most of her childhood, I’m sure raising any kid must feel like a walk in the park.” Jake joked; Clarke couldn’t help but agree.

“I’m so happy that you and Lexa can be friends again.” When Abby said that it was as if the world’s axis tilted slightly for Clarke.

_I don’t want to be friends. I want more. I want everything._

Clarke knew this was what she had wanted for ten years. Finally, Clarke was old enough and appreciative enough to know that she was willing to fight for it.

“I want to be more than friends.” Clarke stated as she looked past her family seeking out green eyes.

When Clarke had made eye contact with Lexa for the first time in ten years, she felt as if she had suddenly remembered how to breathe again. She had been living half a life for ten years without even noticing. Walking around missing a crucial element of herself. And the second she heard her own name fall from Lexa’s full lips, Clarke felt instantly more complete, more herself, but she now knew she still wasn’t there, not until she had earned Lexa’s heart. And Clarke would do anything to earn it, to be given a chance to earn it. And due to the positive reunion she had shared with Lexa, she felt the stirrings of hope (something she had never thought she would feel) and believed that _maybe… just maybe I do have a chance._

_Shit, I said that last thought out loud._

"Whatever we can do to help, let us know." Jake, who was defined by his good nature and joker personality, spoke so seriously following Clarke’s declaration that Clarke was momentarily taken aback by this side to her Dad. His face had a determination that was reflected on Raven’s and Abby’s faces. Clarke got the impression they had been waiting for Clarke to make this assertion for years, and that they had already drafted themselves to help in any way they could long ago.

_Wait, isn’t that what my Dad had been doing already? He had been pushing since the day Lexa left for me to go after her. Even Raven had been trying. They knew long before I did what I really wanted._

“I will, thank you.” Clarke replied, equally as serious.

* * *

By early evening, Lexa’s hand had started to ache from how many handshakes she had given at Indra’s direction; Lexa felt like she had met the majority of the town all over again. Her professional face was starting to slip when Aden had finally come to find her to let her know he was ready to go home, he was starting to get sleepy and Charlotte had gone home a little while ago. Lexa seized the opportunity that her son presented her and said her goodbyes to Indra.

Jake, Abby and Clarke were speaking quietly in a huddle across the yard. Aden had curled into Lexa’s side, leaning against her heavily so she knew she needed to get him home quickly, as such she gave the Griffins a wave (far less awkward than the finger waggle she’d done earlier) instead of going over to them. They waved goodbye back at her. Clarke, looked momentarily disappointed at her departure but smiled at Aden who, in turn, waved at the blonde.

 _I’m not sure if I like the fast friendship between those two._  

Once they were home, Lexa sent Aden to get showered after being in the pool all day and sent him to bed early. They had a quiet day planned at home tomorrow. Lexa had gotten a lot more of the decorating done over the week she had spent at home in prep for starting work on Monday. The house’s outside wood panels had been painted white, and the window shutters a royal blue. The back garden appeared well-tended and Lexa had planted flowerbeds that would flower next summer. Lexa was looking forward to a day vegging in front of the television, playing board games with Aden or reading a book.

Lexa felt like an early night was a good idea; once Aden was in bed she drew herself a hot bath to relax before getting changed into her comfiest pyjamas: grey pyjama bottoms that hung low and a green shirt with ‘ARMY’ printed on it. Lexa allowed her hair to airdry and let it hang down, pulling it to rest over one shoulder. She had gone downstairs to turn off the lights and get herself a glass of water to take to bed when she heard a knock.

Lexa instantly tensed. She kept her gun locked in a gun safe in her study on the other side of the house to the kitchen. Her mind flicked to the worst possible scenario of who could be on the other side of the door. She pulled a knife from the wooden block in the corner of the kitchen and padded in absolute silence to the window in the living room which gave an unrestricted view of the front door. Leaning against the wall, Lexa slowly peeked through the window, her knuckles turning white on the knife.

_Clarke?_

Lexa breathed a sigh of relief. She quickly ran back to the kitchen to return the knife, then sprinted to the front door, taking a moment to rearrange her hair back over her shoulder before opening the door.

Clarke was stood there on the doorstep, having obviously gotten changed after the party as she now wore dark jeans and a light blue jumper that was tight fitting accentuating her curves and made her eyes sparkle even more than normal. Lexa’s breath caught as she took her in.

“Hi.” Clarke greeted, a worried expression flitting over her face, obviously, unsure of her decision to turn up on Lexa’s doorstep.

“Clarke.” Lexa opened the door more and moved out the way of the doorway inviting Clarke in, who practically skipped inside at the invitation. Lexa shut the door behind them and led Clarke into the living room. “So, can I ask how you know where I live? I don’t remember mentioning it.”

Clarke blushed, “I… uh… kind of guessed.”

“Guessed?” Lexa asked incredulous.

“You loved this house.” Clarke stated. “You were always going on about how ‘Polis Hill House’ would make a beautiful home and how you would make me fall in love with it one day too.”As she spoke she waved her hands around the room, highlighting her nervousness. Clarke also had that fixed looked that Lexa had seen right before she had walked into the pool. Her piercing gaze caused a fluttering in Lexa’s chest that she struggled to push down.

“So was I right about the house?” Lexa inquired as she leaned against the back of the leather sofa and crossed her arms, already feeling her walls going up.

“You were right about a lot things.” Clarke whispered into the space between them, which wasn’t very much as Clarke had come to stand only a couple of feet away. Lexa swallowed hard and dropped her gaze, not comfortable with Clarke’s bright and open eyes which were flicking between Lexa’s eyes and lips.

Lexa knew where this was going.

She couldn’t believe it. If you had told her at any point in the past that this moment would happen she would have laughed awaiting a cruel punchline. Now, though, Clarke was here looking as if she was one step away from granting Lexa’s deepest wish. And Lexa deep, deep, deep down wanted nothing more than to let Clarke take that step. But every fibre of her being was screaming ‘NO!’. Her heart was still bleeding from the scars that Clarke had left ten years ago, and she was no longer in a position to take the risk that Clarke presented. Too much had happened. It wouldn’t be her own weak heart on the line this time.

“Lexa…”, Clarke began taking a slow step forward.

“Don’t.” Lexa commanded with icy coldness. She held up one hand in the universal sign for stop, and her eyes raised to meet Clarke’s. Lexa’s sharp jaw was tight, her lips pressed flat together and her eyes were cold and neutral. Clarke’s body seemed to flinch and physically deflate; she appeared utterly crestfallen. A light sheen of tears were gathering to gloss her sky blue eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa didn’t know if Clarke was apologising for coming here or for what happened ten years ago or something else entirely. “I should have known, that there was no chance that you could…” Clarke croaked, her voice giving out at the end.

“Forgive you?” Lexa cocked an eyebrow.

“Love me again.” Clarke whispered honestly in a timbre that revealed the depth of the heartbreak going on inside of her.

Lexa stood up straight, jarring Clarke slightly who took a further step back, preparing herself for an angry rebuke. Lexa, though, had never felt anger over what happened with Clarke; just heartbreak and disappointment (which I’m sure if you asked Clarke was far worse than any rage that Lexa could have thrown at her). For now, though, Lexa refused to pull any punches with Clarke or lie to her in any form. Lexa would never be cruel to Clarke, but she wouldn’t coddle her either.

“Loving you isn’t the problem.” Clarke looked up at her sharply, confusion clouding over her eyes. “I have loved you since we were five years old, from when you sat next to me and told me I had pretty eyes.”

Clarke breathed in slowly, disbelief seeping through her, “That’s when we first met.” Lexa gave a curt nod. Clarke’s breathing came out in stuttering gasps.

“And I have loved you every day since.” Clarke had begun to tremble now. “Loving you has never been the issue, Clarke.” Lexa took a step forward entering into Clarke’s personal space as she ever so gently reached out a hand to tuck a stray golden lock behind Clarke’s ear. “Trusting you is.” Lexa gave Clarke an eyebrow raise as she stepped back, speaking softly throughout the entire exchange.

Clarke looked near breaking now, but Lexa would say her piece no matter what. She deserved to say it and Clarke deserved to hear it. “My heart only just recovered from you, and still hurts to this day. Do you know I was always hoping that you would come after me? That you would fight for me?” Lexa admitted more to herself than to Clarke. During some of the worst days during their ten years apart Lexa would fantasise and dream of Clarke turning up on her doorstep finally ready to give her heart in exchange for Lexa’s own.

The tears began to fall silently from Clarke’s perfect blue eyes at Lexa’s words. “I was scared… and selfish.” Clarke didn’t say it simply to provide an excuse, it was genuine. Lexa had always known that this was the real reason for… well... everything. The fear more than the selfishness.

“I know.” Lexa offered no words of comfort, just simple understanding, “I can’t take the risk with you Clarke. Not now. It’s not just my heart to consider anymore.” _Sweet, little Aden is asleep upstairs. He is the first and only person that has made up for the hole in my heart that Clarke left behind. Clarke was the only person who had the potential to truly hurt Aden and I in a substantial way if I let her in._

“I understand.”  Clarke sniffed, trying to pull back the tears that were rolling freely down her cheeks and onwards down her neck.

“I’m sorry.”

Clarke laughed at that, “Lexa, you don’t owe me an apology.” A broken smile twisted her face. Lexa wondered if this is what she herself had looked like ten years ago.

“Okay.” Lexa assented, not willing to push the issue.

“Thank you for…” Clarke glanced around trying to gather her thoughts, “for being honest. I should go.” Lexa nodded at Clarke leading her back to the front door and pulling it open.

“Clarke, I hope that we can…’ Lexa paused unsure whether Clarke would even want friendship with her again, Lexa decided to take a chance and push forward, “be friends. If that would be okay?” Lexa’s commander face finally slipped away as Clarke looked at her from the front porch completely defeated.

“I would like that.” Clarke raised her head, her eyes shining for a split second before she turned and walked out the door.


	7. Ten Years Ago

**Ten Years Ago**

“Hi.” Lexa greeted in a timid voice as Clarke swung open the front door.

“Lexa!” Clarke cheered at the surprise appearance of her best friend. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s arm and yanked her inside the house with a big smile.

“I’m sorry, for interrupting…”, Lexa said as she nodded at Clarke’s fingers, gripping her forearm, that were blackened from using charcoal. Clarke had been working on her newest sketch, maximising the time she had free before graduation.

Clarke laughed wafting her free hand around to wave off Lexa’s concerns, “Lexa, I love it when you interrupt, c’mon I want to show you what I’ve been working on.” Clarke gave Lexa another tug leading her upstairs to her bedroom.

Clarke’s room had been redecorated a couple of years ago, as she wanted to move away from the pink princess overload that it used to be. The walls were now a light green colour that she adored, the single bed had been replaced by a comfy double with fairy lights wrapped around the headboard. There was a desk in the corner that was overloaded with no longer relevant revision notes and college prospectuses. The walls were covered with evenly spaced out pieces of her artwork: most were portraits of her friends, places in town and landscapes she had come across on her hikes with Lexa through the years. Her most recent creation was housed on the easel in the centre of the room.

Lexa gasped when she saw it.

In striking lines and softened edges was Lexa sketched out on the canvas. It was of the upper half of her body. Her head was tilted so she was looking off to the side, her eyes were dark, open and vulnerable. Her plump lips were parted ever so slightly as if about to whisper and her long, curly locks were pulled over her shoulder with her fingers reaching up to delicately weave through its ends.  She appeared young and almost fragile in the portrait; her soul laid bare for all to see and there was something almost akin to strength in this vulnerable version of Lexa.

Lexa had moved to stand in front of it her fingertips reaching out to lightly trace some of the lines in the picture. Clarke watched her off to one side mesmerised by the emotion shifting across Lexa’s face.

“Clarke, I…” Lexa croaked as her head dropped, one hand still reaching out.  Lexa’s hair curtained off her face, shielding her from Clarke’s view.

“Hey, hey, sweetie.” Clarke walked carefully over to Lexa and crooned, pulling the brunette into her arms. Lexa buried her face into Clarke’s shoulder breathing deeply. She slowly walked backwards towards her bed and encouraged Lexa to sitdown beside her on the edge of it, Lexa was still hiding her face by resting on Clarke’s shoulder. “Sweetie… tell me what’s going on?” Clarke was apprehensive to the extreme ( _I’ve never seen Lexa breakdown like this before_ ) but was hiding it well knowing Lexa would need her to be calm.

“Clarke… I need… I mean I _want_ to tell you something.” Lexa said before pulling away and looking up into Clarke’s blue eyes. Clarke gently took Lexa’s hands in her own and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

“You know you can tell me anything.” Clarke responded without hesitation.

Lexa stilled for a long time, before untangling her fingers from Clarke’s and getting up from the bed. Clarke watched as she wrapped her arms around herself, pacing till she was a couple of feet away, her eyes downcast to the floor.

“I don’t know how to say this.” Clarke wanted to tell Lexa to take her time, but Lexa was clearly building herself up and Clarke didn’t want to throw her off by speaking. “You mean more to me than anyone else. You make me feel like I can take on the world. That I can do anything, be anything. Be truly happy.” Lexa started to bite the inside of her cheek, her lips pouting to the side as she made this declaration.

Clarke’s heart was going a mile a minute, her body starting to thrum with adrenaline. She had no idea where Lexa was going with this and couldn’t explain why she was having such a strong physical response. She knew that Lexa cared for her, they were best friends, had been for years. So Lexa’s words shouldn’t be eliciting this level of reaction from her.

“I’ve realised, over the years… that the bad days aren’t bad if I have you to share them with. And that my proudest achievements and my best days were only worth anything if I had you there with me. And I want you to always be there.” Lexa finally looked up from the floor and stared at Clarke, her eyes as vulnerable as the ones Clarke had sketched on the canvas only hours ago. “Clarke, you’re my best friend, and I am completely and totally in love with you.”

Clarke’s breath caught and her jaw dropped.

_Lexa’s in love with me? Me?_

Clarke’s mind went dead, completely unable to fathom a world in which this incredible green-eyed girl loved her. Clarke tried to force out some words, only managing to produce a croak. The silence was deafening. The concept of her best friend falling in love with her was so unfathomable that Clarke had never legitimately considered a relationship with Lexa an option. Clarke was trying to work out if she loved Lexa the same way in return, having never allowed herself to explore feelings for Lexa on a deeper level, as quickly as possible but her mind was in complete shutdown.

“Look, Clarke…” Lexa began, the vulnerability had vanished and a calm and steady Lexa had taken her place at seeing the look of sheer panic on Clarke’s face.

Clarke’s heart was still hammering away and her mind was still trying to shift into gear but Clarke knew what Lexa was doing instinctively. Lexa was closing off her own fears, pain and insecurity to be able to fully support Clarke, to give her what she needed. That’s what she always did. Lexa always put Clarke first before her own needs and, for the first time, Clarke finally understood why. This was how Lexa loved, she gave herself completely to the person even at the sacrifice of herself.

Clarke was certain that Lexa had never told someone she loved them before. Ever. She had no parents to practice the words on, no protective adults to entrust that first bearing of her heart too. Lexa had torn herself open and trusted Clarke to not cause unnecessary harm to her heart. It was a level of trust Clarke didn’t think herself worthy of.

“Me having feelings for you does not obligate you to return them. It doesn’t obligate you to do anything. Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to. I told you solely for my own benefit, which is selfish, I know.” Clarke wanted to be able to speak then, jump to her best friend’s defence; her mind and mouth were still in a full state of emergency lockdown. “I will always be your best friend, no matter what.” Lexa’s words overflowed with compassion and sincerity. Lexa had unwrapped her arms from around herself, but hadn’t moved closer allowing Clarke room to process.

“Clarke…” Lexa called softly to get her attention. Clarke’s eyes were unfocused and she had to force herself to pay attention. “I’m going to go.” Clarke breathed in sharply, dread filling her over screwing up, but Lexa was speaking so gently and softly, “You need time to think, which is completely understandable. Take as much time as you need, I’m not going anywhere.” Lexa promised, slowly backing up and heading towards the bedroom door.

Clarke watched helplessly as Lexa crossed the room to leave. She was on her feet and running before she even knew what she was doing. Her hand flew out and clutched Lexa’s forearm, spinning her around. Lexa’s eyes were open wide with shock and amazement as Clarke rushed to push their lips together.

Clarke’s lips moved frantically over Lexa’s own, as if she was trying to consume her body and soul. Clarke’s emotions were a complete mess and her heart was in freefall. A voice inside her head had been screaming _don’t let her go_ and her body had just reacted. Colour was bursting brightly behind her eyelids as she kissed Lexa, her very being soaring higher than it ever had before.

Lexa was trying desperately to slow Clarke down, who was pushing forward relentlessly. Clarke’s hands sought out Lexa’s hips gripping them firmly and tugging her until their bodies were flush against each other. Lexa’s hands finally free from Clarke’s grasp moved to tenderly cup Clarke’s face. Lexa was trying to make everything gentle and sweet; and Clarke didn’t know how to handle it. How to handle the sheer love Lexa was giving her. Clarke tried to push Lexa back into the wall to give herself more control over the situation.

Lexa refused to move and teared her head away whilst restraining Clarke’s own, preventing her from following plump lips.

“Clarke.” Lexa murmured, her eyes were lidded and her lips kiss swollen. Clarke let go of Lexa’s hips only to grab at her wrists, trying to remove the restraining hold Lexa had on her cheeks, wishing to be able to surge forward and continue the life-altering kiss she had just experienced. “Clarke.” This time Lexa called out Clarke’s name sharply, as Lexa’s eyes regained focus and awareness.

Clarke froze (at least on the outside). On the inside Clarke felt on fire, completely out of control. Her mind had gone from empty and unable to form a coherent thought to overload, thousands of thoughts, scenarios, nightmares, hopes and fantasies were running full-steam ahead having just broken over the banks. Clarke had never let herself consider that Lexa was an option, and now her brain was trying to make up for lost time. 

“Clarke…”, Lexa swallowed as she freed her wrists from Clarke’s hold and placed them delicately on her shoulders. “It’s okay. We have time.” Clarke tried to nod but her head sort of just shuddered atop her neck. Lexa leaned forward and rested her forehead against Clarke’s. Clarke took a deep breath trying to embrace the peace and calm that Lexa was gifting her. “We have time. I promise. I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”

Lexa separated from Clarke and gave her, what she probably assumed, was breathing room. Clarke, however, only felt grounded and able to breathe when she was close. “Don’t go.” She begged. Clarke had never had to beg Lexa for anything, more times often than not Lexa would know instinctively what she needed or wanted without Clarke having to ask. Lexa always gave her what she needed.

Lexa didn’t move, pausing to assess Clarke with concern. Clarke had emotional strain etched over her face and uncertainty screaming in her body language. Clarke made to surge forward yet again, in an attempt to show Lexa that she was okay, that she was in control even if she wasn’t.

Lexa, held up a hand, palm forward facing Clarke signalling her to stop and stay put. Clarke had to mentally wrestle with herself to obey. “Clarke, you need time and space to think this through on your own. It’s a lot to take in and I just came in and dumped it on you.” Lexa shook her head at her own failure. Clarke wanted to defend Lexa but her throat was still tight, preventing any sound from escaping. “If I stay, I would be taking advantage of your confusion, and you might say something that you can’t take back. You need time to process.” Lexa pleaded.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke hoarsely whispered with a thick tongue.

Lexa laughed softly and gently (like she did with everything when it came to Clarke), “You have nothing to apologise for.” Clarke hung her head, crossing her arms over her chest. Lexa stepped fowards, reaching out to wipe a lone tear that was tracking its way down her cheek.

“I love you too.” The words, like everything else Clarke had said so far had come out unbidden, no thought attached to them. Lexa’s hand froze on Clarke’s cheek, before slowly retracting.

“That means more to me than you can ever possibly imagine.” Her voice was cracking with unrestrained joy and hope. Clarke realised a second too late that no one had ever probably said that to Lexa. No one had ever said they loved Lexa until now. “Take your time, Clarke. Then come find me.” Lips brushed lightly over the spot Lexa’s thumb had been a moment ago. Then she was gone.

Clarke was left to face the overwhelming emotional turmoil she had never had to handle before, especially not without Lexa there to guide her, alone.

* * *

It was early evening and Clarke was laid on her bed on the edge of, what she assumed was, a panic attack.

Thoughts kept going round and round in her head and Clarke didn’t know what to make of them. She had never had to face the concept of her and Lexa together before.

_Lexa was her best friend._

_Lexa loved her. Loved Clarke._

_Did she love Lexa?_

_Clarke was going to college soon, far away from Skyark._

_She would screw it up. Screw everything up._

_Did she love Lexa?_

_That’s what she did. She would make a mess and Lexa would clean it up._

_Lexa and Clarke together- commitment straight away… you can’t casually date someone who you’ve been best friends with nearly your whole life._

_Did she love Lexa?_

_Lexa would be it. Forever and always._

_That’s what Lexa had said over and over again, ‘we have time’._

_Did she love Lexa?_

_She couldn’t live without Lexa, she would be set, she would never be able to give her up even if it wasn’t working._

_Did needing someone… depending on someone mean you love them?_

_Too late now, she had already told Lexa she loved her. There was no putting that back in the box._

Clarke was spiralling, she knew she was spiralling but didn’t know what to do about it. Lexa’s confession was life-changing.

**[Octavia]: Party at 72nd Maunon Avenue. Get your ass here now!**

Clarke didn’t need to be told twice. Clarke’s fight or flight switch had been activated for the first time in her life and she was surprised to find she tipped towards flight over fight.

* * *

The guy was sweet, he was kind and listened attentively to Clarke’s plans for the future, about her dream of following in her mother’s footsteps to become a doctor. He was also respectful and didn’t ply Clarke with alcohol, even though she would have been open to it.

And after they.... Well, after they had gone upstairs… he kept an eye on her for the rest of the night. Trying hard to prevent her heavy drinking, ( _futilely Clarke should add)_. Only one person could get Clarke to do something she didn’t want to do, or more accurately talk her out of something reckless she did want to do and Clarke doubted after what she had just done, to quieten the voices in her head and soothe her fears of the future that she would be around much anymore.

Octavia had bailed half an hour after they had arrived as there was no one they really knew there. Octavia had tried to get Clarke to leave with her but Clarke had been stubborn and set. The loud music was soothing as it drowned out her thoughts. And having no one know her was beyond idyllic. There was no expectations, no pressure. There wasn’t much time, there was just tonight.

Lexa, wouldn’t have left her at the party on her own, she knew Clarke too well.

_Wasn’t that the problem?_

Octavia alongside the rest of the delinquents didn’t know how to see behind Clarke’s mask of false cheer, so took Clarke’s mood at face value. Clarke’s obvious sobriety also helped to make Octavia feel comfortable enough to depart. Octavia did though enforce that Clarke should text her when she left and again when she got home.

Now, Clarke was curled up on the bathroom floor of the party house, the guy who she had… Clarke retched again into the toilet. After going upstairs, Clarke had come back down and hit the alcohol hard. The guy she had… _say it, Clarke…_ slept with was holding her hair back.

Clarke had lost track of what happened once she had started drinking in earnest. The guy had fended off anyone who would try to take advantage of her in her inebriated state. Clarke cruelly laughed at herself for involving such a nice guy in her emotional turmoil.

Clarke curled back up onto the floor after she had emptied her stomach again, enjoying the comfort provided by the cool tiles. Clarke wasn’t sure how long she stayed there like that before she felt a cool hand cup her cheek and gently lift her head. Clarke peeked through her nearly closed eyes, not comfortable with the clinically harsh, bathroom lighting. Clarke’s favourite shade of green stared back at her.

Clarke’s heart plummeted. _Of course, she came to save me. To fix my mess yet again._

Lexa was kneeling beside her, a neutral and hollow expression on her face. With the hand that wasn’t holding up Clarke’s head, she reached back towards the doorway where the guy was standing. He in turn handed her a phone. Clarke’s phone.

_The guy I used to break Lexa’s heart had used my own phone to call her to my rescue._

Clarke felt herself crumple up and die inside.

With Clarke’s phone safely in her pocket, Lexa (with a strength Clarke didn’t know she possessed) lifted her up onto her feet to lean against her shoulder. With her arms wrapped around Clarke, Lexa led them out of the bathroom and past ‘the guy’ who Lexa paused momentarily to nod her head towards and say thank you sincerely.

_She said fucking ‘thank you’. She thanked the guy that I slept with. She thanked him because he looked after me._

Clarke didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say.

They were out the house quite quickly, Lexa slipping them through the crowd of partygoers with ease, and into the cool evening air. Lexa didn’t say anything as she began to walk them home.

“I’m s-so s-sorry.” That brought Lexa to a jarring stop in the middle of the street. Clarke could feel her trembling even through her drunken haze. This time Clarke did have something to apologise for.

“I didn’t think you were capable of hurting me as much as you did tonight.” Lexa said with absolutely no expression.

_I didn’t think I was either._

“You said you loved me, and I stupidly thought that meant something. That you were choosing me.” Lexa started moving forward again dragging Clarke with her. It felt wrong to be this tightly wrapped around and supported by Lexa but she knew if Lexa let her go, she would fall and wouldn’t get back up again.

Clarke wanted to say how terrified she had been. How she had never been so overwhelmed with love before, with Lexa’s love for her. How she had never thought of being with Lexa because she had never seen herself as worthy of her. She had prevented herself from even thinking it an option as she knew how dangerous hope was. Hope had been in pandora’s box alongside disease, death and famine for a reason. Realising how deeply she loved Lexa was like plummeting off a cliff with no safety net. It was too much and she had needed to escape. She had needed to run as far away from Lexa’s offered heart as she could.

_I was scared._

That was all she wanted to say. Clarke, though, was still too drunk to form a coherent sentence, to explain, and her thoughts would fall from her head before she could vocalise them like water through open fingers.

Lexa walked her all the way home, and even helped her get into the house and up the stairs to bed. Clarke’s parents would be asleep already, and Lexa knew Clarke wouldn’t want them to see her in her current state. She deposited Clarke gently onto the bed, ignoring Clarke’s continuous stream of “I’m sorry” over and over again. Lexa disappeared only for moment but it felt like an eternity before she returned with two glasses of water. She placed one on the nightstand beside the bed and the other in Clarke’s hand pushing it towards Clarke’s lips. Clarke chugged it down as best she could, pausing every now and again to continue repeating the only two words she could manage in her inebriation.

_I’m sorry._

Lexa hadn’t said a single word since saying that Clarke had hurt her and Clarke feared that that might be the last thing Lexa would ever say to her. Lexa took the empty glass and placed it next to the full one before pushing lightly on Clarke’s shoulder encouraging her to lay down.

“I’m sorry. Don’t go.” Clarke pleaded.

Lexa who was sat on the edge of the bed beside her, was staring off into the distance. A resolute expression on her face that made Clarke almost beg for the return of the hollow neutrality that had been there previously. Lexa turned her head to stare at Clarke, taking in every single detail as if trying to commit her to memory. Lexa leaned forward slowly and pressed her lips to Clarke’s forehead and whispered into her temple, “Goodbye, Clarke.”

And then she was gone.

* * *

Clarke slept fitfully and when dawn finally broke so did Clarke. Her parents heard her sobs and came to investigate. Abby and Jake encircled her with their arms trying to provide comfort. They tried to coax what had happened out of Clarke who remained tight lipped. Instead of explaining Clarke merely hugged her parents closer.

Clarke spent the entire day wracked in emotional pain and guilt, wanting nothing more than to run over to see Lexa but knowing that making decisions and opening her mouth in her current state was what got her into this mess prevented her from doing so. Therefore, Clarke resolved herself to do exactly what Lexa had asked her to do before Clarke had panicked. Take her time and get her thoughts in order.

So that’s what Clarke did.

For two days she examined every thought that presented itself, contemplated her emotions and placed her feelings for Lexa under intense scrutiny. At the end of her two days of self-reflection Clarke finally knew how she felt. Lexa had been right all along, all she needed was time to think.

_I love Lexa._

_And not because I need her but for the exact same reasons that Lexa had said. Everything was better when Lexa was involved._

_And I've just fucked up massively._

The next step was apologising and doing whatever it took to win her best friend back. Finally, with a purpose Clarke broke her self-imposed isolation; hope starting to build within her. She would see Lexa at graduation tomorrow and she could begin to make amends.

Lexa wasn’t at graduation.

Dread filled Clarke. Even Jake and Abby were worried enough (especially since they hadn’t seen Lexa for a few days which was strange in itself) to phone Lexa’s negligent foster parents.

That’s when they found out Lexa had skipped town. Jake and Abby were livid that her foster parents had done nothing to stop her from leaving and that they cared so little. Clarke had never seen Abby so angry before, Jake had to physically restrain her at one point to prevent her from storming over to teach Lexa’s foster family a lesson with her fists as teachers. The delinquents varied in their reactions from loud shock (Octavia and Jasper) to subdued and silent (Monty and Murphy).

Lexa was gone, taking any hope Clarke had with her.

Clarke was numb and broken.

 

**Present Day**

 

Clarke finally fell silent after what felt like hours of speaking. She took a sip of the water her mum had given her when she’d arrived. Three pairs of eyes were staring at her, filled with sympathy and compassion. Clarke hated those looks, she didn’t feel like she deserved them.

After leaving Lexa’s she had wandered around town for a long time. She had eventually called Raven asking her to pick her up. Raven had arrived in a matter of minutes, she must have broken a few speed limits in her rush. Raven had taken one look at Clarke’s now blank and expressionless face and instead of driving her back to their flat took her to the Griffin’s house.

Abby and Jake, fortunately, were still awake talking about the party and reminiscing about previous years. They were surprised at the girls’ late night arrival; one glance at Clarke’s empty face and Raven’s concerned expression, however, and the Griffin couple shifted into parent mode. Jake led the girls into the living room, forcing them to sit down and get comfortable, even going so far as to retrieve a blanket to wrap them both in. Abby made various drinks for everyone, handing Clarke a glass of water alongside a coffee.

Once they were all settled in the living room, Clarke began to speak before they could even ask any questions. She told them everything. She told them what had happened ten years ago, what she had been feeling for the ten years since Lexa had left and what Lexa had said when she had gone to visit her tonight.

Silence enveloped them all.

Raven had one arm wrapped around Clarke giving her comfort and was looking towards Jake and Abby. Raven knew that Clarke’s parents would know how to handle this better than she could. Abby moved forward to sit on the edge of the couch, leaning closer to Clarke about to speak, when Jake rested a hand on his wife’s thigh stilling her movements.

“Abby, I think I should talk to Clarke.” Jake murmured giving Abby a hard, knowing look. “There’s a story I think she should hear.”

“Jake, you don’t have to-” Abby began using a reproachful, soothing tone that Clarke had never heard before.

“It’s for the best, Abby.” Jake gave his wife a tender look as he removed his hand from her thigh. Abby sighed in defeat before getting to her feet and tilting her head at Raven whilst gesturing towards the kitchen. Raven got the message, freeing herself from the blanket, giving Clarke a shy smile of support before following Abby out of the room.

Jake shifted so he was closer to Clarke, leaning forward to speak in a quiet and serious tone he so rarely invoked. “Did you know that I hurt your mother when we young? That I broke her trust?” Clarke who had been staring straight ahead into a void of space, snapped her head round so fast she was surprised she didn’t break her own neck.

“What?!” The concept of her sweet Dad doing anything to hurt Clarke’s mum was such a foreign and incomprehensible concept, Clarke assumed that there would be a smile on his face to show he was joking. Instead there was an expression of shame and sorrow.

Jake took a deep breath before leaning back and folding his hands into his lap, “We were in high school, I was the class clown and Abby was the student body president.” Jake tilted his head to one side as he was transported to the past. “Your mum had high standards, she only gave her time and effort to worthwhile people and causes. And for some inexplicable reason, that even to this day I don’t fully understand, she thought I lived up to those standards. That I was worthy of her time. And the only thing I could do was make her laugh every now and again. I just couldn’t comprehend what she saw in me.”

Jake let out a harsh, self-deprecating laugh. Clarke was transfixed as her father willingly chose to climb off the pedestal she had held him up on for her entire life. Clarke watched as Jake shifted away from the superhuman she saw him as to something far more human and mundane.  

“I was a kid from a poor family who spent his weekends inventing and blowing up different machines in my garage. Abby was graceful, stunning, intelligent and destined for greatness. And for some reason she chose me. She let me in when no one else could even get close.”

Jake turned to face Clarke, their eyes perfect reflections of each other, both swimming in guilt and sadness. “I’m sorry, Clarke. That fear you experienced is something you get from me.” Jake then gave her a twisted smile of dark humour, “Bet you wished that you had gotten my sense of humour instead, huh?”

Clarke forced lightness in her tone, “I think that would have been worse, Dad.”

Jake let out a broken chuckle before continuing his story, “I’m sure you are more than aware of the strained relationship your mum has with her parents?” Clarke gave a tentative nod. Her mum only phoned her parents to mark holidays and birthdays, the conversations were terse and tense. Jake would be on hand afterwards to soothe his wife and comfort her.

Clarke’s grandparents had only visited a couple of times, they were polite yet intense. They were heavily critical of Abby; Clarke remembered her opinion of her mum changing greatly after seeing how her grandparents treated her. Clarke also remembered how Jake never left Abby alone with them, he was constantly there, reassuring her, protecting her from their barbed comments. Clarke had thought her Dad incredibly loving and sensitive to his wife but now she was reassessing how her Dad had acted. It was as if he had been trying to prove a point, overcompensating for something.

“If you think they’re bad now, you should have seen them when we were younger. They expected Abby to deliver the world. They had her entire future laid out for her: there was no room for failure, no room for being a kid, no room for anything she actually wanted.” Jake’s expression was twisted with disgust and bitterness, which didn’t sit right on his normally jovial face. “Abby had never stood up to them. She never had a reason to, there was never anything worth suffering the cruelty they could inflict for deviating from what was expected of her.”

“Until you.” Clarke guessed.

“Until me.” Guilt and sorrow was flooding from Jake in such high quantities, Clarke was surprised that she wasn’t literally drowning in it by sitting so close to him. “She fought for me, and I let her down.” His voice was a whisper and Jake cleared his throat in the hope that this would increase his volume. “Her parents were furious that she had fallen for the class clown with very limited prospects. Abby held firm, she wouldn’t give up on me not matter what her parents said. That’s when I started to feel the way you did about Lexa. I was panicked and overwhelmed. Abby went to great lengths to arrange a dinner for me to meet her parents, she was going out on a limb, going all in. I promised to be there.” Jake took a deep breath, "I got halfway to her house before I ran in the opposite direction. I avoided her for about two days before she found me.”

Clarke felt her own heart tear apart for both her parents. She admired the bravery her mother must have shown to take a stand against her parents and face the consequences. But she also understood the feelings of inadequacy, doubt and fear that Jake had experienced as they reflected her own.

“She was heartbroken and wanted nothing more to do with me. I had to watch as her parents tore her down for her mistake of choosing me.” Jake stopped talking and gave his daughter a look of such understanding. _Because he does understand._ “So, honey, I can say with complete honesty that I’ve been there.”

Clarke’s head was swimming. From the despair she had felt when Lexa had turned her down, to the numbness of retelling everything that had happened, to the shock of discovering that her father wasn’t infallible, and now she felt the stirrings of hope she didn’t think she would experience so soon (if ever) after leaving Lexa’s.

_Dad earned back mum’s trust. How? Would Lexa give me the chance to do the same?_

Jake stared at his daughter as she was trying to rationalise her thoughts, to push down hope before it even had the chance to take root. “She didn’t say never, Clarke.”

“What?”

“Lexa. She didn’t say never.” Jake repeated as if this solved all her problems, Jake clearly thought it did.

“I don’t understand.” Clarke’s lips thinned as she pressed them together trying to work out what her father was talking about.

“She said she didn’t trust you. She didn’t say she would never trust you again. In fact, she told you herself that she still loved you. You can earn back her trust.”

Clarke barked out a laugh, “That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t sleep with someone else after telling her you love her, you just missed a dinner date.”

“Don’t do that.” Jake ordered, stern and cold. “Don’t compare the hurts we inflicted because you just can’t do it. We both broke their trust, we both hurt them. You can't rank one person’s pain to another, they are too personal and individual to do that.” Clarke blushed bright red, filled with shame.

“You’re right.” Jake gave her small smile in gratitude for accepting what he had said. “Okay,” Clarke started, “how did you gain mum’s trust back?”

Before she had even finished the question Jake was shaking his head, “My approach won’t work for you and Lexa.”

“Personal and individual, right?”

“Exactly. Earning back trust has no end time goal. It depends fully on what events get thrown at both of you and responding to them in such a way that proves you are on her side. That you have her best interests at heart, and her son’s. The only advice I can give you is that if you are going to try and win Lexa’s trust back you need to commit to it fully, especially since she’s a mother now. That means Lexa has to be even more careful with who she places her trust in.” Jake gave his daughter a hard stare, Clarke’s eyes were becoming sharper and brighter. She was mentally preparing herself for such a commitment. “Be honest with her at all times, even if it makes you uncomfortable, even if it paints you in a bad light. Lies, no matter how small and noble, will come back and bite you in the ass every time.” Jake’s speech was becoming passionate and fiery and Clarke felt she was getting a glimpse of the Jake that had fought to win back Abby. “If you make her a promise, you must keep it even if the world is ending. Life will throw you curveballs at every turn because that’s what life does. Life’s fair because it’s unfair to everyone. So when shit hits the fan that’s when you need to prove yourself. That’s when it counts. She needs to know she can count on you come hell or high-water.”

Clarke sat up straight, ideas and plans tumbling through her head as she absorbed her father’s words. Her gaze was steely and fixed.

“So are you going to try?” Jake asked already knowing the answer.

"Hell yeah."


	8. The Sheriff

Lexa had barely slept Saturday night or last night, her mind trying to justify over and over again that she made the right decision to turn Clarke away. She huffed before getting up and out of the warm cocoon she made of her bed's duvet. She had planned to get up early anyway to make sure she had everything she needed for work.

There was no sheriff’s uniform ( _thank god_ ), so Lexa was determined to dress in clothes that were practical for the job. She knew for the first few days she would be restricted to a desk as she needed to bring herself up to speed with the department’s standard operating procedures and learn her role and responsibilities more fully. After that, though, Lexa was determined to be out and about, leading from the front rather than behind a desk. She was a big believer in not asking those that worked under her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable doing herself. Lexa dressed in dark jeans, a crisp white shirt, comfy black boots and her signature black leather jacket. Aden had taken to calling her jacket her superhero suit as she always wore it when taking on the bad guys. She clipped her badge to her belt and then headed downstairs to retrieve her gun and hip holster.

She put an extra effort into breakfast this morning, making blueberry pancakes which was something she only tended to do on weekends and holidays. Aden appeared as she was finishing putting the pancakes onto two plates, he was dressed and ready for the day, his bag slung over his shoulder, his sketchbook tucked under his arm.

Sunday had been spent as a quiet day between mother and son. Aden had started work on a couple of possible entries for the art contest, and Lexa had curled up with a book on the small blue sofa in the den, watching him work.

Throughout breakfast, Lexa continuously reminded Aden that after school he was to walk straight to the sheriff’s station, and that he should text her the moment school ended. Aden was rolling his eyes so much it was a miracle they hadn’t disappeared into the back of his head; he was close to grumbling and warding his Ma off from reminding him again but he had held his tongue. He knew where the worry and concern was coming from. He knew his Ma had more than enough reason to worry about her son after everything. Aden shook away thoughts of **him** , his Ma would recognise the haunted look in his eyes if his mind ventured back.

Aden nodded his head politely each time his Ma reminded him, knowing that she would ease off as it became more routine and normal for him to walk from school on his own. Once breakfast was finished Lexa loaded them up in her car to take him to school and then herself to work.

Lexa knew Aden was excited to be dropped off in the roaring, black mustang she owned as he had mentioned how the other kids had been jealous when he told them about the car. As such, Lexa purposefully roared the engine louder than necessary when she dropped him off, the proud smirk on Aden’s face was more than worth the slightly annoyed expressions of the other parents. It seemed Aden didn’t mind being the centre of attention when it came to cars, which gave Lexa momentary pause and concerns for the future, imagining a teenaged Aden learning to drive.

She arrived at work promptly, fifteen minutes or so before she was due to start. The building was squat and ugly, clearly built on a budget and designed to maximise practicality over presentation. It didn’t exactly welcome people to come in if they had problems; Lexa had been thinking of ways to remedy that. An outreach programme to the local schools was the first step she had planned.

Lexa took a few seconds to enable her commander persona to slip into place: professional, cool and in control, before getting out of her car and heading into work. There was an entry hall with a couple of uncomfortable wooden benches, and some plastic plants that somehow still managed to look un-watered. Through a set of wooden doors with frosted glass was the bullpen. Closest to the door was an authoritative, elderly woman with a headset sat at a desk cluttered with photos and knick-knacks, she had a sharp and shrewd gaze which screamed, ‘I most likely have a sawed off shotgun hidden under the desk and if you dare take a step further into the precinct without a good reason, be prepared to leave with one less limb than you came in with’. It was a pretty scary look, and Lexa had faced down numerous killers, psychopaths and sociopaths.

“Hello, I’m Lexa Woods, the new Sheriff.” Lexa strolled forward confidently  holding out her hand to the woman who was fiddling with the radio. The woman gave her a hard, studying gaze. Lexa stood firm and arched an eyebrow as if daring her to treat her with anything less than respect. This was clearly the correct response as the woman gave a small smile, turning her into an almost grandmother-like figure, as she reached over and gave a firm handshake. So firm in fact, Lexa had to prevent herself from wincing.

“Nice to meet you, Sheriff. I’m Vera Kane, I’m the radio operator, secretary and response co-ordinator; in other words, I’m here to pick up any tasks the stooges miss.” Lexa smiled in return, already warming to Vera, and recognising that Vera may just be the most important employee of the Sheriff’s department.

“Which deputies are on shift today?”

“That would be Murphy, Miller and Emerson, Sheriff.”

“Murphy?” Lexa repeated incredulously, her mask falling away.

“And here I thought you would never call me by my last name.” Lexa spun on the spot to find John, badge clipped to his black trousers, giving her a small smile. “Vera.” Murphy nodded in greeting to the old woman who merely hummed as she turned back to the radio and her crossword puzzle.

“You’re a deputy?”

“You were in the FBI?” Lexa’s face darkened at the question for a fraction of a second before shifting back to composed. She shrugged and gave a small nod. Murphy, however, still managed to pick up on Lexa’s mood change. “So, Sheriff, what’s the plan?” Lexa appreciated the subject change.

“Well, I was hoping to have quick interviews with the deputies-” Vera coughed in the background, “-and Vera, so I could get a feel for everyone’s roles, strengths and weaknesses. And then go from there.”

“Sounds good. All of us are here except for Echo who is on night’s this week.” Murphy agreed.

Murphy gave her a tour around the rest of the building, the bullpen had a desk for each deputy and a couple of spares if any other law enforcement was visiting. There was a small conference room and an even smaller kitchen. A couple of reinforced cells and an interrogation room were hidden away in the centre of the building. She had her own office off to the side of the bullpen; the desk inside was already stacked high with files that Murphy revealed were from multiple sources: some of them were from the mayor’s office, some were the ones she had requested in advance (open cases and operating procedures), and a large pile had been placed there by Emerson (as his _suggested_ reading list). Murphy had barely been able to hold the look of contempt off his face when talking about the other deputy. Lexa decided to keep a close eye on Emerson if he could create such a level of dislike and distrust in John, but was determined to keep an open mind, regardless of her friend’s opinion.

Lexa cleared the desk as best she could and decided to start with the interviews rather than working her way through the documents, believing that getting the deputies onside as quickly as possible was the best approach. She determined that she would start with Miller, as someone she knew nothing about and had no preconceptions of to get her base level to assess the department. Then she would sit down with Emerson, then Vera and finally Murphy at the end of the day. She would have to grab Echo next week, when she came off night shift.

Lexa was impressed by Miller, who seemed like a genuinely nice guy, intelligent and with a good work ethic as well. He was very passionate about the job, her only concern was that he might be too passionate and prone to rash decisions. His enthusiasm was refreshing and Lexa found he was easy to warm up to. She spoke to him about her idea to set-up outreach programmes and Miller seemed eager to help. After, completing the other interviews Lexa would approach Miller to see if he was interested in taking over the project and helping Lexa get it off the ground. Miller’s demeanour would be perfect for dealing with children.

Emerson, was an entirely different kettle of fish. He was snide, and passive aggressive, constantly needling at her and hinting how well he knew the job and would be ‘willing to show her the ropes’. This would have been a generous offer if it hadn’t been given with such a patronising tone. Lexa saw the interview through to completion, extracting as much information as she could from him. Once it was over, Emerson and Miller went out on patrol taking over from Murphy, who returned to start work on his own paperwork. It was well past lunch by the time she had finished Emerson’s interview and she hadn’t brought any food with her in the vain hope that she could go to ‘The Hub’ and stretch her legs. Lexa didn’t take being stuck behind a desk well.

Lexa was resting her head in her hands when there was a knock at her open office door. Lexa instantly shot up and straightened in her seat expecting to see Vera, only to find sky blue eyes and a shy smile.

Lexa instantly lit up.

“Clarke, come in.” Lexa stood and gestured to one of the two seats in front of her desk. Clarke moved forward to take the proffered seat; she was holding a bag that was giving off a mouth-watering aroma. “Is everything alright? Has something happened?” Lexa asked suddenly remembering that people only visit the Sheriff when something was wrong. Clarke, _thankfully_ , was shaking her head to dismiss Lexa’s concern.

“Nothing’s wrong… except that I hear you haven’t had any lunch.” Clarke gave her a small smile and placed the bag on the desk in front of her. “I hope you don’t mind…”

Lexa gave her a wide grin in return. “This is incredible, thank you. How did you know?” Lexa asked curiously.

“Murphy.” Clarke answered immediately.

“Ahh…” Lexa accepted the food Clarke pulled free from the bag and handed to her. “Are you on lunchbreak?”

“No appointments for another hour, so I have a break.” Clarke stood up, ready to leave when Lexa reached forward to grab her wrist.

“If you’re free, you could keep me company?” Lexa asked uncertainly. Clarke immediately sank back into her seat and pulled out some food for herself.

Clarke inquired how her first day was going, and Lexa talked about interviewing the deputies and how impressed she was with Miller but skirted around Emerson’s interview. They quickly moved onto Lexa’s plans for the department and eventually onto Aden and his artwork.

“Bellamy won’t stop gushing about how talented Aden is. I’m glad to see that as his mother you gush even more.”

Lexa blushed pleasantly at the light teasing, Clarke had listened attentively and her eyes had sparkled with delight as Lexa had talked non-stop about Aden.

“You’ll have to give Aden a few tips when you see him again.” Lexa’s face froze with how easily the statement had slipped out, a promise of the future, without Lexa fully thinking it through.

“Err… that’ll be difficult as I haven’t drawn anything in years, but I would love to see his artwork.” Clarke eyes had dropped to the ground as she began to fidget in her seat.

“You stopped drawing?” Lexa was shocked, Clarke had loved drawing, it was how she had occupied all of her free time in high school when she wasn’t with Lexa.

Clarke took a deep breath before lifting her gaze back up to Lexa. “Uh... yeah. I don’t know if I stopped feeling inspired or if I just no longer enjoyed it. I guess I changed.” Clarke’s eyes held a sudden hidden depth at that moment that Lexa couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

“You’re not the only one that’s changed, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was quiet and she had to remove her hands from the top of the table to hide the tremors. “I’m not the same girl that left town.”

“I know.” Clarke replied softly. “I see it... in your eyes.” Lexa turned slightly in her chair unable to focus on Clarke’s open and honest gaze. “There’s a pain there. I figured I had been the one that put it ther-”.

“You weren’t.” Lexa’s words cracked like a whip. “What you did pales in comparison.”

“It doesn’t make how I hurt you any less significant.” Clarke whispered into the silence of the room.

Lexa was feeling that familiar pull to the past and was beginning to experience the detachment she always felt when her memories clouded her mind. Clarke rose from her seat and came to kneel down in front of Lexa, taking her trembling hand in her own. Clarke didn’t say anything, she just offered silent support and comfort, grounding her in the present. Explanation and clarification stood on the tip of her tongue, Clarke’s open eyes so inviting.

Lexa wasn’t ready though. She wasn’t ready to re-live it. The words died away and the moment slowly passed. Clarke didn’t push, she simply gave Lexa’s hand a final squeeze before getting up and moving to collect her things.

“I want you to know, that I’m here. If you ever need or want anything. You and Aden, that is.” Clarke’s offer was sincere and determined. Lexa felt a momentary pang of regret for pushing her away two nights ago. But she wasn’t ready for that either.

“Umm… well, if you’re free…?” Clarke’s expression of hope was blinding. “A friend of mine is moving to Skyark to open a bar, he arrives tomorrow; Aden and I are spending Saturday helping with renovations. An extra pair of hands would be great.” Clarke was nodding vigorously before Lexa had even finished the invite. “Okay, if you give me your phone?” Clarke scrambled to retrieve her phone and hand it to her, Lexa quickly input her number and texted herself. “I’ll text you the details.” Clarke’s smile was so wide, Lexa was surprised it still fit on her face.

They said their goodbyes, and Lexa followed her out to have Vera’s interview at her desk, as Vera couldn’t leave the radio unmanned if a call came through. Vera didn’t trust any of the stooges (her _affectionate_ name for the deputies) to not screw up the settings.

Vera was relatively new to town in the grand scheme of things, having only moved to Skyark a year ago. She had integrated easily into the town’s community, and her involvement with ‘the cronies’ was actually an amazing resource as nothing went down without their knowledge.

_Sherlock Holmes had runaway kids, I have gossiping grannies._

Vera gave Lexa a rundown of the politics between the stooges. Miller and Murphy (Vera’s favourite stooges) were reliable and worked well together. Emerson was an ass (Vera’s words). Echo, was steadily being corrupted by Emerson, she had started off optimistic, and due to her positive attitude Gustus had partnered her regularly with Emerson, hoping she would balance him out. Big mistake (Vera’s words) as Emerson took Echo under his wing and pushed her to view the job with a far more political frame of mind.

Lexa took all of Vera’s information onboard, already trying to create a plan that could develop Echo out from under Emerson’s shadow and influence. Lexa told Vera to schedule Echo’s interview as early as possible, a request which had Vera giving her a pleased smile.

Murphy’s interview was a delightful way to end the day, they got through the main points rapidly. Lexa was amazed by John’s eye for detail and his desire to improve upon his skills, having already taken numerous self-defence classes and computer classes to develop himself further. Aden came in about halfway through and Lexa was delighted to introduce the two of them. Aden gave his signature grin and Lexa had to resist smirking when John melted at the blonde boy. In turn, John showed off proud pictures of his own son. As they were finishing up, Lexa invited John and his family around for dinner later that week, which he agreed to without hesitation.

Aden worked quietly on his homework at a cleared spot on Lexa’s desk. Vera stopped by often to fuss over Aden, who had endeared himself to Vera when he had entered the station earlier. Lexa worked her way steadily through her numerous files and by the end of her shift selected a few key ones to take home with her to read after dinner. She had purposefully avoided starting Emerson’s pile leaving that task for some unknown date in the future.

* * *

The rest of the week passed smoothly, Lexa was able to go out on patrol with Miller by Wednesday afternoon, and she had already begun to draft suggestions and improvements for how the station operated. Aden was happily settled at school and they had managed to sign him up for the little league team which met on Sunday mornings and Charlotte already attended much to Aden’s delight.

Lincoln arrived Wednesday; Lexa and Aden helped unload boxes and Lexa supplied a hearty meal as they all sat and had a catch up. Lincoln was thrilled with how happy Aden was in the town, but made very pointed questions to Lexa regarding Clarke especially when she checked if it was okay for Clarke to lend a hand on Saturday (Lincoln said the more the merrier). Lexa waited until Aden was occupied with rummaging through Lincoln’s moving boxes before answering his and Anya’s questions (Anya had skyped in to judge their work and provide ‘guidance’). Anya had ordered Aden to carry around the laptop she was on so she could fully critique Lincoln and Lexa’s work (it would have been annoying if Aden didn’t find it so funny).

Anya acted protective of Lexa and questioned her reasoning for letting Clarke into her life so quickly. Anya was like this with anyone who Lexa had a potential romantic interest in, she had her reasons, and Lexa assumed it was because of Costia. Anya had never forgiven herself for what happened (even though Lexa had reassured her multiple times that there was nothing Anya could have done). Lexa held firm on her decision to be friends with Clarke, and regaled her with what had happened at the party and later that night. Clarke’s kind and easy nature alongside Lexa’s careful approach seemed to satisfy Anya’s curiosity and concerns. Lincoln had remained silent and thoughtful. Lexa expected him to be saving his real opinion of Clarke until after he had met her in person. Admittedly, neither Anya nor Lincoln were able to hide how impressed they were with how Clarke had looked after Aden at the party; they withheld any sign of approval until they had met her in person, though. Lexa rolled her eyes in annoyance when Lincoln promised to report back to Anya on Saturday with his opinion; she tried to reassert that they were just friends, but both of them had tutted in response.

Vera sulked for nearly all of Thursday and Friday as Aden didn’t come to the Sheriff’s station instead choosing to spend the time between school finishing and Lexa getting off work with Lincoln, helping out and reconnecting with his favourite uncle. Lexa had to bribe Vera with cups of tea and promises that Aden would be spending his afternoons at the station again once Lincoln had the bar up and running, and that seemed to appease her slightly.

Friday saw ‘Polis Hill House’ playing host to the Murphy family for dinner. Lexa spent most of the night cooing at baby Alex as she bounced him up and down on her lap. Aden had even held him for some time with a look of awe that made Lexa’s heart burst with pride as she watched how gentle Aden was with the baby. Emori was a delight as always and filled Lexa in on all of John’s achievements that John would have been too modest to boast about himself. John and Aden bonded whilst playing a videogame in the background which pleased Lexa. She was truly beginning to believe that her decision to move back to Skyark had been the right one.

* * *

“This town has needed a good bar for years, and this is a great place for it.” Clarke enthused as Lexa and Aden approached her. Clarke had been standing outside Lincoln’s building admiring the work Lincoln had already done. Contractors and renovators had been working on the place for a couple of weeks and a large bulk of the work had already been completed. The main task of today was getting the place tidy and the furniture assembled. Clarke had worn comfy and practical clothes she didn’t mind getting dirty.

“What happened to ‘Skaikru’ bar over on Palmer Road?” Lexa asked curiously as she stepped round Clarke to open the door for the three of them.

“Ugh… Cage happened.” Clarke grunted with disgust as she followed Aden into the bar. Aden immediately rushed off to the back to find Lincoln.

“Cage? As in Dante’s son Cage?” Lexa wrinkled her nose as she remembered the doctor’s son. He was five years older than the delinquents and had a superior attitude bordering on a god complex. His father doted on him and bankrolled any and all of his failed business ventures. When Lexa had left his latest endeavour had been a landscaping company, which Lexa was surprised had lasted as long as it had with Cage’s aversion to manual labour. There had also always been something incredibly creepy about him as he was always leering from the shadows. Clarke hated it when Cage appeared at his father’s medical practice, his smarmy smile and roving eyes made Clarke’s skin crawl.

“That would be the one.”

“So… the landscaping business…?”

“He got one too many blisters on his hands.” Clarke answered.

“Seriously? That’s why he quit?”

“Pretty much.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” Lexa rolled her eyes, cocking her hip and putting her hands on her waist. “He lasted longer than I thought he would. I’m guessing his next brilliant business idea was taking over the bar.”

Clarke nodded, giving an exasperated sigh, “I know ‘Skaikru’ bar wasn’t great before but it did alright. Cage forcibly bought it out, he turned it into an upmarket cocktail and wine bar, which (a) does not appeal to the majority of people in this town and (b) he made it ridiculously expensive and pretentious.” Clarke explained.

“Sounds like you can give me some helpful tips on how to succeed in this town.” Clarke turned to meet the new speaker, who she assumed had to be Lincoln. He was tall, with warm brown eyes and a crooked smile. He was dressed down in well-worn jeans and a red shirt, rolled up to the elbows, with paint splatters across the chest. _He looks like a frigging model._

“Err…” Clarke stuttered unsure of what to say, intimidated by Lincoln who was obviously an important person in Lexa’s life and her desire to make a good impression and not act like she knew more about his business than he did.

“Lincoln, Clarke. Clarke, Lincoln.” Lexa introduced the two to each other. Lincoln gave Clarke a good-natured grin and a firm handshake. “Clarke is your girl if you want to get the town on your side, everyone loves her,” Lexa’s breath caught for a second and Clarke would have thought she imagined it if Lincoln didn’t shoot her a knowing look. _Clearly, Lexa has told her friend everything._ Clarke would assume that with that information Lincoln would treat her with distrust and dislike so was surprised with Lincoln’s friendly and disarming charm. “So I would take her advice to heart.”

“You got it. Don’t be expensive and pretentious.” Lincoln repeated. Clarke chuckled enjoying the easy relationship between Lincoln and Lexa.

“If what Lexa has said about you is true, I think you’ll do really well here.” The compliment came easy. This town was supportive of small businesses, taking pride in their success, and were especially invested in business owners who were friendly and kind which Lincoln seemed to be and Lexa proclaimed him as well. “What’s the plan today? What can I do to help?”

Lincoln and Lexa gave her a wide smile of amusement, putting Clarke on edge. “Well, the tables I bought need to be assembled.” Lincoln began holding off a snort, Lexa ducked her head as well.

“That sounds… doable… right?” Clarke asked slowly.

“That depends.” Lincoln answered with a steadily growing smirk.

“On?”

“How good is your Chinese?”

* * *

The instructions were completely useless. Every direction was in Chinese due to a mix up from the supplier. The drawings that accompanied each instruction were poor and unnecessarily confusing. Aden had peered at them over Clarke’s shoulder and commented that he could have drawn the diagrams out better, a statement Clarke had readily agreed with.

Whilst Clarke and Lexa were on furniture assembly, Aden was sweeping the floor and clearing out the back rooms (the contractors had generated a great deal of sawdust, dirt and rubbish) whilst Lincoln ordered supplies.

Clarke and Lexa had steadily made the tables using educated guesswork and a lot of luck. There was consistently four pieces left over (never the same four pieces) but, at least they were making progress. Lexa and Clarke reminisced about their childhood days whilst they worked, Aden and Lincoln listening in and laughing at their misadventures. Aden was particularly enthralled and had pretty much given up on sweeping to pester Clarke for more tales of his Ma.

“There was this one time where we painted the town red.” Clarke started, as Aden took a seat nearby to where Clarke and Lexa were working on the floor sorting screws into groups before putting together their third table. Lincoln was leaning on the bar pretending to work through some paperwork.

“You had a really wild night?” Aden asked interpreting Clarke’s words to be a metaphor.

“No, we actually painted the town red, as in paintbrushes and paint cans.” Clarke handed Lexa a screwdriver instinctively knowing that was what she needed next.

“Clarke’s exaggerating, we didn’t paint the _whole_ town, just… half of Main Street.” Lexa coughed trying to disguise her embarrassment and red blush. Aden’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped, Lincoln snorted from behind them.

“We were about 12, and I suggested to Lexa that ‘we paint the town red’, I had heard it in a song; not realising it meant something else. I figured it was a normal thing to do that people would actually like - relatively speaking, and Lexa didn’t really keep up with pop culture references at the time so she didn’t know any better. So, Lexa and I snuck out one night with the paint and brushes and started on one end of main street, we got _two-thirds,_ ” Clarke emphasised, correcting Lexa’s unjust estimation of their painting success, “when Gustus, the Sheriff when we were kids, found us.” Aden was staring at the pair of them with a mixture of shock and awe, the latter of which Clarke was certain worried Lexa.

“How much trouble did you get in?” Lincoln called from his spot perched by the bar.

“Not much, Gustus was great at doling out suitable and unusual punishments.” Lexa replied fondly; Clarke gave her a small smile, understanding the high esteem Lexa still held the previous Sheriff.

“He made us repaint the entire street.” Clarke expanded before Lincoln and Aden could ask for more details. “Even the buildings we hadn’t painted red. The town loved it, the street had never looked better once we were finished.” Clarke reflected on the fact that that was probably the last time some of the buildings on the street had been touched up with paint. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She liked the idea that her and Lexa’s work was still visible and here today but also saddened by the lack of maintenance for the town.

After that story, Lexa excused herself to help Aden in the backroom as Clarke was confident enough to handle the assemblage on her own.

Clarke couldn’t believe the kindness and openness that Lexa was showing, she didn’t think she deserved it after everything, but pushed those thoughts to the side acknowledging that they were what got her into this situation in the first place.

Lexa was different to the girl that had left town, there was a strength and steel there but it was shielding a darkness that Lexa was trying not to face. Clarke had caught a glimpse of it before in Lexa’s office, her hands had trembled and Clarke had watched Lexa’s eyes darken as she tried to fight off the demons in her mind. That sorrow and fear in the shade of green Clarke adored had stayed with her all week and made her determined to get Lexa to smile as much as possible today.

“Thanks, for helping out.” Lincoln kneeled down next to her admiring the tables.

“Anytime.” Clarke offered genuinely. “It looks like you’ll be able to open soon.” Clarke remarked impressed by how the place was coming together. The bar ran across an entire wall, opposite the bar were booths, to one end of the room there were tables grouped together whilst the other end of the room was free and uncluttered. Lincoln had explained whilst he was working that he planned to have some nights for dancing and others that were more low-key. He hoped to either appeal to the whole town that way (something for everyone) or shift the focus one way or the other depending on the popularity.

“Hopefully, I need to hire another bartender quickly though. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone who is good at mixing drinks?”

Clarke laughed, “I do, actually. His name’s Monty, his moonshine is a Skyark staple, if you serve it here you are guaranteed to succeed. I can give you his number if you want? I know he’s looking for a job.”

“Awesome.” Lincoln grinned as he handed over his phone for Clarke to input Monty’s number. “Thanks, Clarke. I’ll give him a ring later tonight, see if he would be up for coming in for an interview.” Lincoln tucked his phone back into his pocket as Clarke carried on working.

A comfortable silence settled between them as Lincoln watched Clarke work.

“The other shoe’s not going to drop. You know?” Lincoln whispered as he arched his eyebrow at her.

“I’m sorry, what?” Clarke turned to him, confusion furrowing her brow.

“You have a look of constant apprehension. It’s like you’re waiting for us to turn on you.” Clarke put down the table leg she had been holding as she pressed her lips together. _Is this a test? If it is what’s the correct response_. Clarke examined Lincoln whose neutral face gave nothing away.

“I assume Lexa told you what happened? What I did.” Clarke’s voice was weak and uncertain, she felt that familiar twist of guilt.

“She told me.” Lincoln confirmed, before falling silent.

“I don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand, what?” Linc’s eyebrow arched. _I wonder if he learnt that from Lexa._

“Why you and Lexa are being so kind to me?” Clarke worried at her lip dropping her gaze for a moment before returning it to Linc’s eyes which were simply full of understanding.

“Well, I can only make a good guess about Lexa’s reasons but I can at least tell you my reason.” Lincoln took a breath, "Young and scared is one of _the_ most deadly combinations and I know that because I’ve been there. I did a lot of stupid things when I was young and scared." Lincoln, who was sat with his legs crossed and leaning back on his arms, pushed forward to sit up straight and hold out one of his well-muscled arms for Clarke to inspect. Puncture marks littered his skin. Clarke took in a sharp breath and immediately felt guilty for reacting. Lincoln gave her a warm smile to say it was okay which put Clarke at ease.

“Did Lexa ever mention how we met? Her work before the FBI?” Linc asked curiously.

“No, I got the impression she doesn’t like to talk about her work so I didn’t push.” Lincoln nodded his head conveying his appreciation for Clarke’s reticence.

“Well, I’ll let her give you the details and fill in the blanks… We met through work… and let’s just say shit went down… bad shit… I didn’t handle it well.” Linc’s eyes flicked down to his arms which were in his lap. “We had both left the… uh… job. It would have been easier for Lexa to move on and forget about me. She had started her training to become an FBI agent, she was moving onto greener pastures and I was making mistake after mistake.” Lincoln’s eyes became unfocused and his jaw tightened. “She didn’t give up on me. I treated her terribly, called her every name under the sun expecting her to throw in the towel. She didn’t. She helped me recover, even paid for rehab. Got me a job working at a bar, the owner owed her a favour - he was involved in one of her first cases with the Bureau and she went above and beyond for him. Like she does with everyone.”

Clarke tried to absorb what Lincoln was telling her as best she could.

“So, yeah, I get being young and scared. Lexa gets it too, she’s seen enough of it in her line of work.” Lincoln rubbed his hands together before getting to his feet. He looked down at Clarke as he towered above her like a friendly giant. “She forgave you a long time ago and I think if… if certain events hadn’t happened recently she would have trusted you easily.” Clarke’s mouth fell open, questions bubbling up in her throat, trying to escape, but Lincoln’s eyes were guarded, an unspoken, ‘Lexa needs to be the one to tell you’. “But if you want my guess of why she’s being so nice to you?” Clarke gave a small nod and Lincoln smiled as he revealed, “Put bluntly, you make her happy. I’ve never seen her smile so much as I did today as she watched you and Aden laugh at your childhood adventures. Lexa understands how important and rare simply being happy is. So why on earth would she be anything but kind to someone who makes her happy?”

Lincoln left Clarke to ponder his final question as he returned to his work and Clarke tried to find a use for the four parts she had left over.

* * *

Lexa and Aden finished organising and cleaning the back rooms so they were ready to receive stock. When they returned to the main bar Lincoln was telling Clarke about some of the interesting characters he’d met over the years through bartending. He was in the middle of one story about a guy that had come in wearing a trench coat which was a story Lexa recognised as being anything but PG friendly. Lexa loudly cleared her throat. Lincoln glanced over at her and Aden, paled slightly and lamely finished the story by saying the man had a drink and left without any fuss. Clarke shot Lexa a smirk, as Lincoln mouthed the word ‘later’ at the blonde.

Lincoln ordered pizza, paying for it himself as a thank you to all of them for helping. Aden monopolised most of the conversation talking almost non-stop about how excited he was for baseball. He then proceeded to go into great depth about the ‘Washington Nationals’ game Lexa and Anya had taken him to see.

Anya was big into sport and had encouraged Aden as much as she could when they were living in DC. She had often taken him to any sporting event that was going on nearby. Anya was far more into the NFL but kept up-to-date with baseball especially after seeing Aden’s interest. Lexa realised that Aden was probably missing his Aunt a lot more than he was letting on. On the sly she sent a message to Anya to see if she could skype after Aden’s little league practice tomorrow, which Anya replied instantly to in the affirmative. Anya would be coming up next weekend to see them and she had promised she would also be there for the opening of Lincoln’s bar so it wasn’t like they weren’t going to see her often in the next few weeks. But Lexa was dearly missing her mentor and big sister figure.

Clarke eagerly listened to Aden’s baseball spiel, she told him of the time Bellamy was trying to teach her and Octavia how to play baseball. Bellamy was demonstrating how to take a swing, and Octavia who was super keen to try had swung before Bellamy had gotten clear and knocked him out. Bellamy had been invited to help coach the little league team last year but had flashbacks to teaching Octavia and had turned down the offer immediately. Aden asked if Clarke would come to his games. Clarke had looked to Lexa before saying ‘yes’ to check that it would be okay and Lexa, happily, gave her the go ahead.

Once the pizza was finished the four of them parted ways, Clarke lingered beside the mother and son outside for a moment before asking if she could see them again. Aden had looked up at his Ma with bright, hopeful eyes that were an almost perfect reflection of Clarke’s and she found no reason to say no. Lexa promised to text Clarke when she had a clearer idea of when they were free and Clarke could come over for dinner. Clarke and Aden had enthused about his artwork during the day, so Lexa knew Aden was keen to show off his work to an actual fellow artist who could give him some guidance.

They walked home, accompanied by a constant commentary coming from Aden as he went over everything about their day and everything that had happened. Lexa had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying ‘I know, I was there’, not wanting to dampen Aden’s cheerful mood.

Sunday was a buzz of activity, as Aden had his little league practice for most of the morning. Once he was safely dropped off Lexa headed to the station to catch up on some work before Monday so she could easily clear some time to interview Echo. After little league, they had a long skype session with Anya who asked Aden all manner of questions about his practice session, most of the terminology they used went right over Lexa’s head. The rest of the day was spent recuperating and preparing for the week ahead.

* * *

 

Echo, was smart but as easily influenced as Vera had seemed to imply. For the first half of the interview Echo had been almost a carbon copy of Emerson, about halfway through their conversation Echo’s attitude shifted upon realising how unimpressed Lexa was with her tone and answers. The second half was much more pleasant, but Lexa still felt she had little grasp on Echo’s actual personality. Either way she decided that Echo and Emerson’s partnership should be as limited as possible from then on.

To provide an excuse to separate Echo and Emerson without raising too much suspicion from the stooges or Vera, Lexa put Echo and Miller in charge of starting up the outreach program rationalising she wanted both genders represented and she had made it clear already that Miller was to be point person. Lexa was going to watch the project closely but she had given them a written plan and suggested course of action for them to follow so she felt confident that they wouldn’t face any problem they couldn’t handle. The only issue now was that with Murphy on nights for the week, Miller and Echo teamed up, Lexa would be heading out on patrol with Emerson which was not something she could honestly say she was looking forward to.

The week had been going well. Lincoln had hired Monty, impressed with his friendly attitude and his drink making skills (Monty’s moonshine was to be front and centre at the bar), and after much consideration had decided to name the bar ‘Grounders’. The opening was to be in a couple of weeks allowing Lincoln to take on and train another staff member and also to start publicising the opening; he had been quick to ask for Clarke’s help on that as she knew how to reach out to the town best.

Lexa liked how quickly Lincoln had taken to Clarke, they shared a love for telling stories, and she was also pleased that Lincoln had made a friend other than herself (and Aden) in Skyark. Lexa was thinking of suggesting to Clarke that they should introduce Lincoln (and re-introduce herself) to the delinquents, either way she found herself reaching for her phone to invite Clarke over for dinner that night.

Lexa was working on the dinner, moving with ease around the kitchen as she cooked. Aden and Clarke were sat at the kitchen island with Aden’s sketchbook open between them. Clarke had been showing him various shading and sketching techniques. She had even picked up and brought along a bundle of some of her old work to illustrate what she meant to Aden.

“Is this Mr. Blake?” Aden said as he pulled out one of Clarke’s sketches from the pile on the side. Lexa glanced over recognising it as one Clarke had done the summer before she left, it was of Bellamy and Octavia kicking a football in the park. Lexa remembered watching Clarke sketch the siblings as she leant her head on Clarke’s shoulder only half-heartedly reading the book she had brought with her.

“Yep, Bellamy and his sister Octavia.” Clarke answered, there was a photo in the corner of the sketch that Clarke had used for reference whilst drawing it. All of the sketches so far had an accompanying photo, that was until Aden saw one which caught his attention immediately and made him push his own sketchbook out of the way in his haste.

“It’s you, Ma!” Aden shouted with glee as he pulled a large piece of paper that contained a portrait of Lexa with vulnerable, open eyes and slightly parted lips. Aden was absolutely fascinated by the sketch, it was a full encapsulation of that side of his Ma he had been catching glimpses of since coming to Skyark. There was a youthfulness and fragility in the portrait that Lexa had slowly lost over the years.

“Yeah, it is.” Lexa breathed as she came round to look over Aden’s shoulder and take in the drawing she hadn’t seen for ten years. She felt her jaw tighten and she was distinctly aware that Clarke was battling to hold back her own emotions; Lexa, however, wasn’t ready to see the reaction that this picture invoked in the blonde and angled her body away from Clarke’s.

She had been having such a good time, and this picture brought it all rushing back. Lexa fought down a frustrated sigh and gave a quick glance over to Clarke who looked positively stricken.

“I…” Clarke cleared her throat and forced a half smile as Aden looked up at her breaking his examination of his mother’s portrait, “I didn’t realise that was in the pile. All my artwork got stacked together and put in the attic… I just grabbed the nearest load.” Clarke’s eyes were fixed on the portrait. Lexa took a step back giving Aden’s shoulder a squeeze as she went back to her bubbling pots on the stove.

“I’m glad you brought it, I’ve never seen any pictures of what Ma looked like when she was young.” Clarke visibly brightened at that as she turned back to the small boy.

“My parents have loads of photos of Lexa and I when we were kids, Dad was obsessed with getting a photo of every moment.” Aden grinned whilst Lexa groaned remembering some of the awful photos Jake had taken. “I can try to get copies of the photos, if you want?” With her back turned, it took Lexa a while to realise that the question had been aimed at her. She looked over her shoulder to see Clarke giving her a hesitant expression as her finger played with the corner of Lexa’s portrait. Aden was bouncing with delight at the thought of seeing a young and awkward Lexa, so Lexa gave Clarke a curt nod.

“Aden, can you set the table for dinner, please?” Lexa requested as she turned off the stove and began to busy herself with getting plates out. Aden skipped out of the room.

“I’m sorry about the portrait, I-” Clarke apologised as she continued to fidget in her seat.

“Clarke, its fine.” Lexa cut in. “You explained you didn’t know it was there, and anyway it made Aden smile so… thank you.” Lexa trailed off weakly, before swallowing, “Aden’s adopted, he has been in and out of foster homes for most of his childhood.” Clarke nodded, not looking surprised, but her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out where Lexa was going with this, “Aden has no photos or mementos of his past, I’ll never get to see what he looked like as a baby or on the first day of school. I take pictures as much as I can now…” Lexa shook her head as she began spooning the food onto the three waiting plates. “I didn’t think I would have any pictures of my own childhood to show him, now I do, thanks to you.” Lexa threw a look over her shoulder to see a soft expression on Clarke’s face.

Aden came bouncing back into the room and helped take the dinner plates through to the table where they all then sat together and talked about their week. Aden gave an almost real-time playback of his science lesson. Clarke talked about her day in the ER on the Sunday and the cases she handled in the week.

Lexa smiled through the whole meal. She was happy. This was so easy, the three of them, and Lexa wondered how easy it would be to reach out and intertwine her fingers with Clarke’s, to kiss her as they cleared away the plates. Clarke was far more mature than the 17 year old she had been, but Lexa still felt that sharp stab of pain as she remembered how Clarke had run when she opened her heart to her.

_How do I know she won’t get scared and run again?_

There was no way to know, yet Lexa did not want to start a relationship with Clarke with one foot out the door. A relationship with Clarke was as big a deal as it had been when they were kids; Lexa would have to be willing to jump in with both feet and trust that Clarke would be there to catch her. And Lexa wasn’t there yet but she was hopeful that if Clarke kept making her and Aden smile the way she was doing that Lexa might someday reach that point.

After dinner, Aden went to his room, claiming he had some homework to do but Lexa caught a glimpse of the mischievous grin on his face as he scampered away. _Meddling little shit,_ Lexa thought to herself. Lexa began to wash up and Clarke without prompting, started to dry. Lexa flashbacked to when they were kids and Lexa went to the Griffin’s for dinner; Clarke and Lexa would take on clean-up duty.

They worked in a slightly awkward silence as Clarke chewed her bottom lip. Lexa knew Clarke had questions for her about what she’d been upto in the ten years she was away but had held off asking them as she could see Lexa wasn’t ready to talk about them.

“How about we make a deal?” Lexa suggested.

“Hey, you chose washing, you can’t complain when your hands get all pruney.” Clarke who was standing reasonably close to her, nudged Lexa’s side with her elbow. The spot burned at the contact. They had barely touched each other so far, Clarke being respectful and giving Lexa space wherever she could. Lexa appreciated that deep down, but all she really wanted was Clarke to hug her and hold her close like when they were kids. Clarke’s hugs always held off the demons when she was younger and she was dying to know if they still held that same power when her demons were even more monstrous.

Lexa chuckled and shook her head, “No, not that.” Clarke’s hands reduced their movement, slowing down drying the plate they currently held. “I was thinking a story in exchange for a story.” Lexa let out a shuddering breath. “For example, I would ask about your first day of college and you could ask me about something from my past… I figured it would be good way to get to know each other again.” Lexa was staring down into the soapy water as if it would clear and show her the answers to the universe.

“Sounds like a good idea”, Clarke gently put the plate in her hands down before turning to face Lexa fully, her hip resting against the counter. “You have a deal.” Lexa looked up to give her a shy smile and found Clarke still worrying her bottom lip but her eyes were bright. Clarke loved the idea of getting to know Lexa more but feared that this was some hidden test that she could fail.

“So, first day of college?” Lexa prompted as she pulled the plug in the sink, letting the trapped water drain away.

Lexa and Clarke sat on the sofa, Lexa laughing so hard her ribs were starting to hurt as Clarke told her about the nightmare college roommate she met on her first day and how badly she got lost on campus. Once the story had come to a conclusion and Lexa’s giggles had died away, she took a deep breath whilst fidgeting in her spot on the opposite end of the sofa to Clarke. “So, what story do you want in return?”

Clarke looked away from Lexa as she contemplated her response. Lexa tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. Two (obvious) heart-wrenching stories that Clarke could ask for ( _where did you go after leaving town? Why did you come back?_ ) flashed in her mind. There was also another one, equally heart-wrenching, ( _how did you and Aden meet?)_ which would appear to be an innocent question to Clarke, but could easily lead down the dark rabbit hole of Lexa’s past without much prompting.

“What’s your favourite memory of Aden?” Clarke turned back to her, with sky blue eyes glittering in the low lighting of the room. Lexa let out a sigh of relief and gave Clarke a sappy smile as she tried to pick from the multitude of Aden memories.

“The second time Aden called me ‘Ma’.” Lexa answered after only a moment’s hesitation. Clarke pulled her own legs up to her chest and rested her head on her knees giving Lexa her full attention. “The first time he called me ‘Ma’ it was after a nightmare, he said it because I comforted him, and don’t get me wrong I will treasure that moment forever. It’s just that... the second time he said it we were in the grocery store and I was trying to decide between two types of pasta and he called me ‘Ma’ to get my attention. I looked around without really thinking about it.” Lexa tilted her head to the side in thought, “I think the second time meant so much more because I realised that him calling me ‘Ma’ was now the norm, I finally realised that I was really his mother in that moment.”

“It became real.” Clarke whispered.

“Exactly.”

* * *

“Look, do you want this job?” Raven snapped. The man ( _boy, more like_ ) blinked at her rapidly, taken aback.

“Err… yes, very much so.” He said with an earnestness and seriousness that had been severely lacking for the rest of the interview.

“Then stop flirting with me, stop trying to inflate your own ego - in fact, you know what? Cut back on opening your mouth as much as possible.”

Kyle Wick’s mouth snapped open and closed repeatedly in quick succession. Raven sighed, she loved a good bit of harmless flirting and arrogance as much as the next girl and if she had met Wick in a bar she would have been all over him, but she was at work. And Raven took her work very seriously. She had built her auto shop up from nothing, she had put her name on it, a name that hadn’t meant much to her before and now was something she was proud of. She had a reputation of reliability and high quality work, so Raven wanted to ensure that any employee she took on would meet the same standards she set herself.

Kyle Wick’s resume was impressive, he was clearly very skilled and could match up to Raven’s technical standard, her only issue was reliability which didn’t come across as he tried to flirt his way into the job. “Err… right, okay.” Kyle said before clamping his mouth shut.

_He can follow instructions so maybe there's hope for him yet._

Raven hummed to herself for a minute trying to decide on the best course of action, she decided to offer Wick a two week trial, the job was his if he worked well. They shook hands and it was agreed he would start tomorrow. Raven couldn’t fault his enthusiasm he was like an energetic puppy, high on sugar, hopefully that would mean he would have plenty of energy for work.

It was past midday when a sexy, black mustang pulled up to the garage. Raven felt her mouth water at the car’s sleek lines and roaring engine. She quickly wiped away the drool as she saw Lexa get out of the car and walk towards her with a white box in her hand.

“I was hoping your offer was still valid?” Lexa asked as she held out the box.

“Pie for discount on a service. Hell yeah, that deal is still valid.” Raven grinned making grabby hands at the pie before snatching it out of Lexa’s grip and running to drop it off in her office at the back. “By the way that car is beyond cool.” Raven said as she returned to Lexa and began fawning all over the mustang.

“Thanks.” Lexa chuckled. “It was a friend of mine’s.”

“Awesome friend.” Raven commented as she peered inside the car through the tinted window.

If she had been watching Lexa she would have seen the pained look as she whispered. “Yeah, she was.” Raven pulled back from the window as Lexa stared off into space. Knowing Lexa would appreciate a subject change, Raven quickly shifted to business. They talked through the cost, and what Raven would do. Raven promised to have it all done by tomorrow afternoon, which Lexa appreciated. Raven was pleased to find Lexa was just as charming as she had been at the party and felt that her and Clarke were a perfect match the more time she spent with Lexa.

Wick started the next day, he was dedicated and performed each task to a high level even if he did still run his mouth every now and again. Female customers found him charming and were quick in their desire to do business when he was involved. Raven rolled her eyes at that but if using Wick as eye candy helped business, she would do just that.

Lexa returned the next day bearing another pie which Raven was grateful for as Abby (who had had a slice at the party) had taken to pestering Clarke and Raven non-stop for either another pie or for the recipe. Aden was with her, and his charm had Raven giving him a tour of the garage and showing him a thing or two about car repair. Lexa had huffed a little bit, muttering how ‘Aden won’t be getting behind the wheel of a car until he’s at least 30'.

Soon, though, they cleared off in their well-tuned muscle car and Raven shut up shop.

The next couple of days was boring and uneventful and then _she_ drove into the auto shop, late Friday afternoon. Raven was ordering spare parts that they had started to run low on when Wick appeared at her door, wide-eyed and timid.

“What’s got your tail between your legs, Wick?” Raven smirked enjoying seeing her cocksure employee perturbed.

“Err… customer.” He answered with a gulp.

_He actually gulped._

“Okay, I’m not sure if you understand how business’ work… Let me explain, the more customers you have, the better the business does.” Raven explained slowly, waving her hand, dismissing him to deal with the customer, as her gaze returned to the computer screen.

“Err… this customer is insisting she speaks to you.” Raven swivelled her eyes back to Wick who still stood there timidly. “She’s very determined to get her own way.”

_Dear God, he’s scared of this woman._

“I’ll handle it.” Raven groaned as she got to her feet and headed out of her office.

The customer was gorgeous, there was no other way to describe her. Long blonde hair and high cheekbones so sharp you could probably cut glass with them and a face that screamed ‘fuck off’. _Look up resting bitch face on the internet and this woman’s face would be the number one returned result._

“Ms. Reyes?” The cheek-boned goddess drawled as she arched an eyebrow so perfectly Raven was tempted to hold up a piece of paper with 10 written on it in big, black writing.

“Yep.” Raven popped the word and was pleased to see the woman’s lip twitch ever so slightly with amusement.

“I appear to be having car trouble.” The woman’s arms had been crossed and she begrudgingly uncrossed one arm to point to her car that was steaming ever so slightly. The car itself was a black, SUV, monster that was the type of car owned by the mob in cheesy action films. The smoke from the bonnet was rising languidly into the air.

“Right, well you have come to the right place.” Raven helpfully stated as she wandered over to the car. The woman merely hummed disinterestedly in response. There was something about this woman that put Raven on edge, she felt the need to fill the silence, to captivate and intrigue her in much the same way the woman did to Raven. “You asked for me specifically?”

“Your name is on the door.” _Right, that explains everything._ After a moment’s pause as Raven went to pop the hood the woman expanded, “I was on my way to visit a friend when the steaming started and she recommended that I come and see you. She must think highly of you if she let you touch her car.”

“I’m sorry, who’s your friend?” Raven finally opened up the hood as another wave of steam escaped, forcing her to take a step back.

“Lexa Woods. I’m Anya Forrester.” Raven examined the woman more closely and couldn’t help but notice distinct similarities between the two. Anya was definitely more sharp edges and harsh lines in comparison to Lexa’s softened corners here and there.

“Ha, funny.” Raven commented.

“What is?” Anya demanded sharply as Raven peered into the front of the car.

“Woods and Forrester. It sounds like a bad cop drama.” Raven chuckled to herself until she found the source of the engine problem. She could hear Anya huff behind her and knew without turning around that she was rolling her eyes. “I think I found the problem.” Raven began tentatively. She pulled back from under the hood and moved to the side of the car to find what she was looking for.

"What is it?”

“Been in a gunfight, recently?” Raven stepped back and pointed to the bullet hole in the side of the car.

* * *

Aden was bursting with excitement waiting for his Aunt Anya to arrive, she was staying for the whole weekend and he had missed her the most when they left DC. He was bouncing slightly up and down on the sofa continuously glancing out the window anytime a car drove past. His aunt was having car troubles so was having to stop by the auto shop and the delay to her arrival was unbearable to the ten year old. His Ma was sat next to him happily watching the television when her phone rang and she answered it. Aden listened to her side of the conversation in case it was Anya.

“Raven, hey.... I’m good, thanks, are you alright? Your voice is kind of high pitched… Oh… now, I understand… Yes, Anya is with the FBI… No, that does not mean she can kill you and get away with it… You’re right, just because she can’t get away with it doesn’t mean she won’t try… Raven, she’s messing with you that, in Anya speak, means she likes you… Alright… Goodbye, Raven.”

“Err… Ma, what was that about?” Aden asked mouth slightly open and both eyebrows raised.

“Oh, you know your Aunt she was just inflicting terror on the unsuspecting townsfolk.” Lexa responded with a dismissive shrug, completely used to Anya’s behaviour and ‘friendly’ demeanour.

Anya arrived an hour later with her car as good as new. Aden nearly bowled her over when he ran into her arms. They had a quiet evening, and then headed out the next day to meet Lincoln and have a picnic in the park. Anya had bought Aden a new baseball glove they were planning on trying out for most of the day.

“So, you’re liking Skyark?” Anya asked as she threw the ball to Aden. Aden and Anya were a little way away from Lincoln and Lexa who were chatting on a picnic blanket nearby, meaning they couldn’t hear what the boy and his aunt were saying.

“Yeah, it’s great. I’ve made so many friends,” Aden caught the ball with a grunt and wound his arm back to throw it, “and Ma is so much happier here too.” Anya gave Aden a knowing smirk.

“I’ve heard.” Underneath Anya’s mischievous smirk was a glint of genuine happiness that Lexa was finally moving on after everything.

“How about you, Aunt Anya? How’s DC without us?”

“So much better.” Anya answered instantly with an over-the-top grin, that had Aden throwing the ball back at her with as much force as he could muster (which wasn’t much). Anya chuckled at Aden’s disappointed attitude. “I miss you guys like crazy.” Anya turned fond and serious and Aden found himself blushing at Anya’s rare declaration of affection. “Work is keeping me busy, which helps.”

“Oh yeah, any cool new cases?” Aden asked intrigued especially when Anya’s face darkened considerably at the question, her gaze flicked over to Lexa and she shifted on her feet uncomfortably.

“Err… no, a really old one in fact.” Aden dropped the topic and they went back to playing catch in earnest, before stopping to get some food. Anya spent most of the lunch smirking at her phone until Lincoln snatched it from her grasp when she wasn’t looking.

“Who’s Raven?” Lincoln questioned as Anya jumped over him to get her phone back.

“You’re talking to Raven?” Lexa’s jaw dropped in incredulity as Anya wrestled her phone back from Lincoln and sat back down with a ‘harrumph’.

“Yeah, so?” Anya pouted to such a degree even Aden found it childish. “She’s hot and funny.”

Aden, Lincoln and Lexa fell into a stunned silence. “Holy, shit you really like her!” Lincoln exclaimed, causing Lexa to whack him on the arm muttering ‘language’.

“Pfft… why would you think that?” Anya let out a breath of disbelief.

“Because you gave her two compliments, that’s unheard of.” Lexa explained.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Anya held firm, her natural bitch face falling into place; the effect, however, was undermined by the clear blush across her cheeks.

Lincoln and Lexa (with Aden chiming in every now and again) teased Anya for the rest day especially when she received a new text making her blush. They packed up before it started to get dark and headed home.

Later that night, Aden was struggling to fall asleep so he decided to head downstairs for a glass of water before trying to sleep again. At the top of the stairs he heard his Ma and Aunt talking, he paused letting the voices wash over him, he missed being able to hear the two of them when he went to bed in the old apartment.

“Wow, the thrilling life of a small town Sheriff.” Anya drawled, and Aden knew she was rolling her eyes at that moment.

“Oh, shut up. I may not be taking down a big time criminal every other day but I am making a difference.”

“If you say so, commander.” Aden had to fight the laugh that built in him when his Ma groaned at the nickname.

“Enough about me. How’s work going? Any good cases?” There was a long pause that caused something uncomfortable to stir in Aden’s gut.

“We’re reopening the case investigating Queen Transport.”

“WHAT THE FUCK, ANYA?!” Aden flinched in his spot on the landing. He’d never heard his Ma, this angry before. “NIA QUEEN!”

“Lexa-” Anya harshly whispered, a plea to turn down her volume.

“There’s no way you’ve forgotten what she’s capable of.”

“I remember, Lexa. I’ll never forget. But that’s exactly why I need to take her down.”

“She has no fear of killing agents.”

“Lexa, I promise, what happened to Costia won’t hap-”

“Don’t you dare make that promise.”

Silence fell, and Aden realised he had been holding his breath since his mother’s loud outburst and let out a long, slow exhale as he got to his feet. He had heard more than he should have.

“I need to do this Lexa.”

“No, you don’t, let someone else take it, someone who isn’t as close to this.”

“Is that what you would do if it was Titus?”

Aden sprinted to his room upon hearing **his** name.

There was no way he wanted to hear Lexa’s response to that.


	9. Distraction

Sunday was marked by Lexa’s dark mood and Anya’s guilty expression. They both forced smiles and Aden might have been fooled if he hadn’t heard their conversation last night. Anya and Lexa stayed to watch his little league practice but were sat as far away from each other as they could get whilst still technically being sat next to each other. Anya left around midday, she pulled Aden into a big hug and promised she would be back soon for the opening of Lincoln’s bar. She then hugged Lexa; Aden pretended he didn’t hear Anya whispering an apology into Lexa’s ear.

Lexa retreated into her study for the afternoon, burying herself in her work. Lexa was quiet for the rest of the day, her eyes unfocused and hands fidgety. It scared Aden as she was returning to what she had been like when he had first moved in. Anya had reminded Lexa of her own personal demon and she was struggling to break free of its hold.

For the first half of the week, Aden tried to draw his Ma out of her thoughts to no avail. She was quiet and tense. Aden was beginning to get really worried and there was nothing he could think of that he could do to comfort his mother without confronting what was occupying her thoughts and Aden was concerned bringing up the issue would make Lexa’s mood even darker or force her to bury it better and then he would never know if she was struggling anymore.    

By Thursday afternoon, when Lexa’s mood still hadn’t improved, Aden decided to do something about it. Lincoln was out of town for the night so Aden reached out to the only other adult who may be able to help Lexa out.

* * *

“Clarke.” Lexa said with surprise as she opened the front door to find the blonde fidgeting nervously on the stoop. Aden had phoned her only moments ago and she had rushed round to check up on Lexa. The first thing Clarke noticed was the dark bags under her eyes that even the layer of make-up Lexa had on did little to conceal. Her lips were also pressed together in a tight frown, and her brow was furrowed, she looked as if Clarke had interrupted her in the middle of working out a complicated maths equation. “What are you doing here?” Her words came out accusatory and slightly aggressive. Clarke had never heard this tone from her and it made Clarke visibly flinch and wince at the same time.

Lexa hadn’t moved out of the way of the doorway to invite Clarke in, instead choosing to act as a roadblock against entry. “Umm… Aden phoned me.” Clarke replied in a steady tone realising that Lexa wasn’t entirely emotionally stable at this moment in time.

“What?! Why?!” Lexa exclaimed, taking a strong foot forward; Clarke had to force herself not to take a step back in response.

“He’s worried about you.” Clarke held up her hands in a placating manner as she tried to speak as gently as possible.

“I’m fine!” Lexa snapped, her mouth turning into a snarl, one of her hands was gripping the door so hard her knuckles were turning white whilst her other hand had a noticeable tremor. Clarke flashed back to Lexa’s office and her trembling hands, Lexa had been sad and in pain as if reminded of a healed over wound that still twinges. This Lexa was in pain from a raw, freshly reopened wound and it terrified Clarke as she watched Lexa tear herself up from the inside.

“Lexa-”, Clarke tried to continue in a soothing voice.

“Oh, don’t pretend like you actually give a shit, Clarke.” Lexa spat, cutting off whatever Clarke was going to say, her accusation punching straight into Clarke’s chest, leaving her gasping for air. “I know you are only reaching out to me to ease your own guilt.” Clarke’s jaw dropped as she tried to form words and blue eyes widened in hurt and shock. “I’m not weak and pathetic anymore. I don’t need you to protect me like you did when we were kids. And even if you could help, do you really think I would trust _you_ to do so?” Lexa’s pupils were pin pricks and focused; she was in full on attack mode. Distrust and pain morphed her green eyes to radioactive pools.

Lexa had been leaning forward whilst spitting out her words at Clarke, and now she suddenly pulled back and moved to slam the front door shut.

Clarke’s brain kicked in just quick enough to throw her foot out to block the door from closing. Clarke understood what was happening. She knew exactly what Lexa was doing because she had done the exact same only a few weeks earlier with Raven.

Lexa was terrified. Just like Clarke had been.

And right now, Lexa needed to know she wasn’t alone. That Clarke was there to help her if she gave her a chance.

The door shuddered as it connected with Clarke’s leg, Lexa hadn’t noticed that Clarke had stepped forward to prevent the door from closing. Clarke forced down the small stab of pain as she made eye contact with Lexa. _Stay calm, Clarke. She needs to know you mean her no harm. She needs to know she’s safe._

“Lexa, it’s okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay.” Clarke soothed from her place in the doorway. Lexa wrenched open the door and turned and paced into the hallway so her back was to Clarke. Clarke took the door opening as an invitation and quietly stepped inside and shut the door behind herself. Lexa’s arms were wrapped around her own body and her head was tilted downwards to the floor.

Clarke took a tentative step further into the house but stopped herself from getting too close to Lexa who clearly needed the space to try and get some sort of hold on her emotions. Clarke glanced around the hallway, the living room was to her right and the kitchen tucked behind, on her left was the dining room with Aden’s den and the study leading off from behind that. Aden had popped his head out from the den unseen to Lexa. Clarke made eye contact with the boy who looked worried. Clarke gave him a nod before gesturing that he should return to his den and that she would look after his mother. Aden shot her a grateful smile before ducking back into the room.

“You’re wrong, by the way.” Clarke remarked trying to draw Lexa back out of her shell and also needing to set the record straight for Lexa’s peace of mind.

Lexa snorted, “About what exactly?”

“Pretty much everything you just said.” Lexa tilted her head ever so slightly so she could glimpse Clarke out the corner of her eye. Clarke met her gaze, sky blue turned to hardened steel to emphasise her steadfastness. Lexa twitched in her place, breaking the direct eye contact not able to withstand the scrutiny it made her feel under.

“You mean the part about you not caring or the part about your guilt or the part about me being…” Lexa’s voice that had been sharp, lost its edge at this point as she gave out a defeated sigh, “...weak.”

Clarke’s hands were clasped in front of herself and she rolled her thumbs together continuing to stare fixedly at Lexa’s shrunken figure through the darkness. “All three. I care about you, Lexa.” A snort of derision from Lexa at that cut Clarke deeply.

Clarke sighed, shaking her head and plunging onwards, regardless, “I’m not here out of guilt. You’re right in that I’m trying to make up for how I hurt you, and yes I feel guilty about what I did, but I’m not here because of that. I’m here because I…” The words itched in Clarke’s throat but she swallowed them down. _Now, is not the time. When you say those words you need to be looking her in the eyes, she needs to know you truly mean it this time._ “... want you to know I’m here for you. I want you to know you can rely on me.”

“I don’t need you!” Lexa shouted turning back round, fury burning bright in her eyes, hands resting stiffly on her hips, “Not anymore! Never again!”

Clarke stood firm but she felt her own jaw tighten and her hands move to mimic Lexa’s pose, _how could Lexa have such a warped memory of their past?_ “You don’t get it Lexa. You never needed me when we were kids. I didn’t protect you, you were the one always saving me. I was the one getting us into trouble.”

Disbelief and confusion clouded Lexa’s face at Clarke’s certainty, one of Lexa’s hands dropped from her hips, “You don’t know?” She whispered more to herself than Clarke.

“Don’t know what?” Clarke asked back equally confused. The tension in the room shifted away and suddenly they were two girls simply searching for understanding in each other. Lexa looked on the precipice of explaining, the green in her eyes the vibrant forest colour Clarke adored when a second later Lexa’s lips pinched together and her eyes moved off to the side from Clarke.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need nor want your help.” Lexa murmured, the fight having drained out of her.

Clarke felt at a loss, this Lexa was calmer than the raging one who had answered the door, in fact, this version was even more worrisome, this Lexa seemed lost and even more alone than before.

Clarke took a breath and gave herself a moment before replying, “Alright, no help. You got it.” A small smile built on Clarke’s face as Lexa (now startled) looked up at her with an arching eyebrow. With that Clarke turned back, opened the front door, walked out and closed it behind herself.

Lexa’s head dropped, a third of her felt relief that Clarke had left, another third felt hurt and another felt bitterly vindicated (that part teared at her insides, the true definition of a hollow victory).

_Knock! Knock!_

Lexa looked over at the door in confusion and slowly shuffled towards it before swinging it open. An expression of utter disbelief overtook Lexa.

“What you need is a distraction.” Clarke stated confidently on the other side of the door.

‘You need a distraction’ were the words Clarke had used a hundred times on Lexa when they were kids. When Lexa had been studying too hard, Clarke would come up to her, grab the book out of her hands, gently (if she didn’t Lexa would’ve skinned her alive) tossed it aside and say ‘You need a distraction’. When Clarke found Lexa sitting under a tree in the park late at night not wanting to go home Clarke would snuggle up beside her and whisper ‘You need a distraction’. It had been Clarke’s go to line before dragging Lexa into a new scheme or plot.

“You can’t be serious?” They were the only words Lexa could choke out.

“One hundred per cent.” Clarke replied her small smile forming into a big grin as she took a brave step forward and raised both her eyebrows in challenge. Lexa’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, completely thrown into the deep end. Her state of shock at this turn of events left her unsure how to respond. “Go put your shoes on and round-up Aden.” Clarke ordered with such good-natured authority Lexa turned and started heading towards the den before freezing and turning back to Clarke. Clarke tilted her head in question. Lexa opened her mouth to protest before closing it slowly at the sight of Clarke’s cheerful demeanour and bright, welcoming eyes. Lexa turned back and stiffly walked away to collect Aden.

* * *

“Awesome.” Aden exclaimed as he practically jumped out of Clarke’s car.

“It’s alright.” Lexa said in a forced neutral tone, however, Clarke and Aden could see how the corner of lips were twitching upwards. She had been trying to maintain a grumpy attitude for the entirety of the car journey but Aden’s delight and random attempts at guessing where Clarke was taking them made it nearly impossible for Lexa not to have a small smile when Clarke pulled into their destination.

Clarke had brought them to a fair that was visiting a town nearby. There were bright lights, children ducking in and out, overwhelming smells of diabetes-inducing carnival food, a huge Ferris Wheel dominating the centre of the fair, dubiously safe fairground rides and the calls of fair workers trying to get customers for their impossible to win games.

“Alright, where first, Lexa?” Clarke came to stand next to Lexa with Aden shifting from foot to foot in front of them. Clarke knew she had thrown Lexa into the deep end by bundling her and Aden up in her car and taking them somewhere Lexa hadn’t agreed to beforehand, so Clarke wanted to give her back control so she could feel more comfortable.

“Can we go on the dodgems, please Ma?” Aden pleaded, he interlocked his hands together in a begging motion and put on his best puppy dog eyes. Clarke laughed at Aden’s blatant manipulation, and then laughed even harder when she realised with absolute certainty that Lexa would acquiesce instantly. Which she did.

The three of them quickly headed towards the bumper cars, Aden grabbing his Ma’s hand to drag her there faster. Lexa shook her head and groaned at her son’s jubilant enthusiasm but there was no denying the huge grin that had taken up residence on her face. Clarke took a green dodgem, Lexa blue and Aden red. The first minute or so was spent lightly bouncing off each other and other people, but they swiftly descended into an all-out war. Lexa and Aden teamed up to take on Clarke who was struggling to get her green car to follow her desired movements. Aden eventually betrayed his Ma seeing an opportunity to T-bone her when she got caught in a corner. That betrayal created a tentative alliance between the two women to take out the youngster, who the girls could’ve sworn had a faster car than their own.

By the end of their time, they had devolved into hysterical laughter. Lexa wrapped her arms around Aden and ruffled his hair until it was a complete mess which Aden didn’t appear to mind even for a second; he was just so thrilled to see his Ma in such a good mood.

Clarke took as many pictures of the mother and son as she could as they moved onto other rides. After the third ride, Lexa realised what Clarke was doing and with a small smile walked up to her until there was very little space between them and leant forward to place a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek. Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed and her breath caught as Lexa whispered ‘thank you’ into her ear, her breath warm and inviting. It took Clarke a few deep breaths before she noticed that Lexa had taken the camera out of Clarke’s hands and was now asking a young teenage couple to take a photo of the three of them.

There was absolutely nothing posed or fake about the grins the three of them sported for that photo. Following that, photos were taken of all or a mixture of the three of them, Lexa and Aden insisting that Clarke was in as many photos as possible, Clarke found she had the exact same resistance to the Woods family’s puppy dog eyes as Lexa had to Aden’s.

Once they had been on all the rides they could (not limited by Aden’s height), and the dodgems twice, they moved to get food, Aden apprehensive of how much Lexa would eat. Lexa blushed with embarrassment for the entire time they were queued up for the food as Aden retold the all-you-can-eat buffet story to Clarke, pleased that he could shock the blonde with Lexa’s misadventures. Clarke spent the entirety of them eating their array of junk food admiring Lexa with a newfound morbid curiosity as she put away double the amount Clarke and Aden ate put together.

Once Lexa was finally full, they did a walk through the games section of the fair; Clarke and Lexa walking next to each other, their fingers brushing by their sides (Clarke had to forcibly fight down the urge to link their fingers). Aden ran a little bit ahead of them, always in Lexa’s direct eye line.

Clarke was determined to win Lexa and Aden a toy, a desire Lexa had merely snorted at when Clarke had stated it. When Lexa saw Clarke’s very genuine pout of disappointment; Lexa explained how the games were rigged and she didn’t want Clarke to spend loads of money. Lexa, then, intertwined their fingers sending such a thrill of pleasure through Clarke that if Lexa had then said ‘Let’s go home’ and ended the night early Clarke would still have been buzzing happily from the slight contact between them.

Aden stopped at a stall and gestured for his Ma to come over. It was a game featuring an air rifle and targets, to win simply knock down five targets (knock down the five smallest tin men targets and win a giant stuffed toy).

“Ma, Ma, Ma. You have to do this one.” Aden pointed at the stall with a gleeful glint in his eye that made Clarke smirk. Aden was absolutely certain that his mother could not fail to win this event.

“One go.” Lexa relented, holding up a finger to emphasis her point. “I’m not dropping loads of money on something, we could probably get on amazon for half the amount I would spend trying to win it.” Lexa glanced down at her hand intertwined with Clarke’s (Clarke could have sworn she saw a look of disappointment) as she removed her hand to get out a dollar and take up the air rifle.

The man running the stall gave her an unimpressed expression as he took the dollar and set up the game for her. Clarke and Aden took a step back and to the side as Lexa lifted the gun and aimed down the sights.

_Ding!_

_Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!_

Less than five seconds later it was over. The five tin men knocked down. The carney’s and Clarke’s jaws dropped. Aden did a joyful jig as Lexa delicately put down the air rifle, rolled her shoulders and asked Aden with a small smile which giant ass teddy he wanted.

“Holy sh-sugar!” Clarke exclaimed as she re-examined the green eyed beauty.

Lexa merely smirked and asked in a sultry tone, “Do you want me to win you a toy as well, Clarke?” Clarke could only nod her head fervently her mouth dry, and a warm heat brewing low in her stomach as Lexa picked the gun up and knocked the five tin men down again even faster than last time.

“Wow.” _Smooth, Clarke, smooth._ Lexa smirked at her as Clarke pointed helplessly at a large raccoon stuffed toy, the same as what Aden had picked out.

“Can we go on the Ferris Wheel, next?” Aden called out from somewhere behind a giant stuffed toy.

“Alright, but that’s the last thing, then home. You still have school tomorrow.” Lexa said in her mum voice; Aden sighed but perked up as they joined the queue. Clarke feeling brave linked her hands with Lexa again, and she was relieved to see Lexa give her a wide grin in return. _This night has been amazing, but I think I’m getting heart palpitations,_ Clarke remarked as she felt her heart beat out of sync with her body anytime Lexa so much as glanced at her with those twinkling forest green eyes.

Aden, Lexa and Clarke stuffed themselves into a car, the man running the ride promising to watch their raccoons on the ground. Aden sat on the opposite side of the car to the two women and turned his back to them to look out over the fairground, occasionally yelling out sights he wanted his Ma and Clarke to see.

Clarke rubbed her thumb slowly over the back of Lexa’s hand. She loved how smooth the backs of Lexa’s hand were and how calloused and worn her palms were in opposition. There was a long scar along the palm of her hand that Clarke was curious to know how Lexa had received, however she was aware that she still didn’t know where she stood with regards to pushing Lexa with questions.

“I don’t think you understood what I meant.” Lexa murmured to Clarke, leaning in so their faces were close resulting in Clarke’s gaze flitting between Lexa’s lips and eyes nervously. Lexa was talking quietly and leaning close so Aden wouldn’t overhear therefore Clarke mentally kicked herself to force her eyes to stare into Lexa’s own. _That doesn’t help with the urge to kiss Lexa_.

“When?” Clarke responded, uncertainty clouding her face as Lexa’s gentle green eyes locked onto her blue ones.

“When I said you protected me when we were kids.” Clarke tilted her head raising an eyebrow.

“I didn’t protect you when we were kids.” Clarke dismissed not needing to think about it.

“Yes, you did.” Lexa said fervently her voice taking on a stern edge. “You protected me from myself.”

Clarke opened her mouth trying to form words but her mind still couldn’t make heads or tails of what Lexa was saying to her.

“You’re the reason I had a happy childhood.” Lexa continued. “You let me be a kid. You made me smile, let me do stupid and silly things. If it wasn’t for you I would have ended up being very dark and twisted.” Clarke’s brow unwrinkled at Lexa’s soft words. Lexa reached over with her free hand for Clarke’s one that wasn’t already linked with Lexa’s. Lexa flipped their hands so that she could rub her thumbs over the back of Clarke’s hands, both girls dropped their gazes to stare at their joined hands. “All those times you said ‘you need a distraction’, all those times we did stupid crap and got into trouble… that was you saving me. That was you making me happy, saving me from the darkness inside. And it turns out you can still save me the exact same way, ten years later.” Lexa swallowed and looked back up at Clarke who was already giving her a soft smile and squeezed her hands gently.

“Lexa, I-” Clarke began as she started to lean forward ever so slowly allowing Lexa to move back.

“Ma! Ma! I can see the car from here. Come look.” Aden yelled from his spot on the other side of the car, his arm pointing out of the cart in the direction he wanted his Ma to look at.

Lexa sighed and quickly rested her forehead against Clarke’s for a less than a heartbeat before letting go and moving away from Clarke to see what Aden wanted her to look at.

Clarke was falling in love with that small blonde haired boy and his soulful blue eyes but at that moment with her skin still buzzing from every point Lexa had touched her, her lips tingling from where Lexa’s breath had been and her heart near bursting at Lexa’s words and her missed opportunity; she really wished they had put the kid in a different Ferris Wheel car with the two raccoons to supervise him.

The rest of the ride was spent with Clarke and Aden taking photos with the goal that Aden would have pictures to reference for sketching later. They disembarked and gathered their raccoons before making their way back to Clarke’s car. This time, Clarke confidently reached out and interlaced her fingers with Lexa.

As they left the main fairground and headed into the parking area, Lexa came to a stop as her phone started ringing. “One second,” she called as she pulled out her phone and arched an eyebrow when she saw the caller ID, “it’s the station.” Lexa took a few steps away from Clarke and Aden as she answered her phone, her back to them. Clarke and Aden couldn’t hear what was being said or what Lexa was saying in return.

A few seconds into the call Lexa, suddenly, dropped into a crouch position, her free hand going up to her forehead to support her head and rub her temple. Lexa’s reaction and movement could only be described as what Atlas must have looked like when he first accepted the weight of the world onto his shoulders, trying not to be crushed by it.

Aden made to rush forward to his Ma but Clarke placed a gentle hand on his shoulder stopping him, allowing Lexa her space to work through whatever was happening. Worry clawed at Clarke’s stomach roaring that she should run forward just like Aden had tried to and wrap her arms around Lexa.

After a minute, Lexa hung up. Clarke watched, biting her lip, as Lexa still crouched took two deep breaths. Her ribs expanded to what appeared to be breaking point from Clarke’s point of view and the long exhale Lexa gave out did not seem even remotely adequate enough to let out whatever troubles Lexa had been handed a moment ago. Lexa slowly rose to her feet before turning round. Her face a hardened mask of professionalism and neutrality that Clarke had glimpsed at the party when Indra had announced her to be sheriff.

This was no longer Lexa in front of her but Sheriff Woods. Clarke heard Aden whisper ‘commander’ under his breath.

“Clarke, I need a favour.” There was a hint of desperation in Lexa’s tone underneath the neutrality.

“Anything.” Clarke answered instantly as Lexa walked forward and rested her hands on Aden’s shoulders before gently ruffling his hair.

“Can you take Aden home and stay with him? And if possible drop me off at the station on the way?” Lexa’s face was professional and empty but her eyes were overflowing with emotion. _She’s trusting me with Aden. The person she loves and cares about most in the world. Don’t let her down_ , Clarke swallowed as her mind took in the gravity of what Lexa was trusting her with.

“Of course.” Clarke responded instantly; Lexa nodded in gratitude.

“Sweetie,” Lexa lifted Aden’s chin to look into his eyes. "Something’s happened and I need to go to work. I will hopefully be back later tonight but if not I’ll come back in the morning to take you to school, okay? Do whatever Clarke tells you, she’ll look after you.”

Aden nodded sadly, “Be careful, Ma.”

“Always.” Lexa pressed a quick kiss to the top of her son’s head before nodding towards the car.

Clarke drove them home; Aden despondent in the back and Lexa in full focused sheriff mode.

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered out of the corner of her mouth so Aden wouldn’t overhear; Lexa turned her head to gaze at Clarke’s profile to show she was listening. “What’s happened?”

Lexa’s lips twisted and her eyes hardened as she turned away from Clarke to look out to the darkened road. Clarke wasn’t sure if Lexa would answer when she heard her cold whisper, “A fifteen year old girl has gone missing.”


	10. Maya Vie

“The girl’s name is Maya Vie. She had band practice after school and would often go to the library till late so her parents didn’t worry too much until she missed dinner and wasn’t responding to their texts or phone calls. They phoned the sheriff’s department at nine, I was on night duty but I also called in Echo for back-up. We talked to the parents and proceeded to check any key locations she could’ve been at. We found out she left band practice after school on time and arrived at the library at five. The librarian didn’t see exactly when she left but noticed she wasn’t there at about six thirty. She normally gets home for dinner at seven. After checking all the key locations, we phoned you, Sheriff. In the meantime, Echo has been patrolling in the cruiser and I have been waiting with her parents.” Miller finished his quick report of what had happened so far. His posture was tense and his face grim, he looked completely different to his usual enthusiastic self.

_That’s what these sort of cases do to people._

Lexa turned her head away from Miller examining the street they were stood on. Curtains in neighbouring houses twitched unsubtly and there was a chill to the air that Lexa felt was appropriate for the occasion.

“Good work, Miller. You followed protocol and managed to get us a starting timeframe.” Lexa returned to face Miller, entirely genuine in her compliment of his work. _They’ve never faced a case like this and Miller has been holding it together far better than I did on my first one._ Miller nodded curtly taking no joy in her words; Lexa sighed. “Alright, I’m going to go and talk to the parents, you have already built a relationship with them so I need you there to help facilitate.” Miller looked like he was about to protest, not seeing the point in the two of them being there when one of them could be out helping Echo search. Lexa gave him a cold glare which had Miller biting his tongue, allowing Lexa to explain. “I am going to be asking some hard questions and in their eyes I am going to be the bad guy wasting their time but information is power in these cases. The more information we have the greater our chances of finding her. And for me to get that information they have to see that they have someone on their side which is you. They trust you, which means they will put up with me. Do you understand?”

Miller pursed his lips but nodded nonetheless. “Yes, Sheriff.”

“I’ll try to be as quick as possible.” Lexa then gestured for Miller to lead her into the Vie’s house.

* * *

After dropping Lexa off at the station, where she had instantly jumped into a police cruiser and disappeared, Clarke drove Aden back to ‘Polis Hill’. Lexa had given Clarke the house key and as soon as Clarke opened the front door, Aden dashed past her, sprinting up the stairs and then slamming his bedroom door.

Clarke locked up the house and set herself up in the living room, Lexa had told her that there was a free guest room she could use but Clarke knew there was no chance she was sleeping tonight. Her stomach felt tight and she was slightly nauseous at the idea of a child lost and alone in the town Clarke had always seen as safe in the grand scheme of the world. Knowing Lexa was out there helped relieved a small part of her concern for the girl, however, it added a new stress over Lexa’s own welfare.

Clarke put the television on low volume and wrapped the fluffy blue blanket resting on the back of the sofa around herself. Clarke decided to give Aden twenty minutes before checking on him and seeing if there was anything she could do to help. She eyed the row upon row of Disney films shelved below the television and considering putting one on when she heard a small squeak from the floor upstairs. Clarke remained still as she heard the patter of feet on the stairs, Aden appeared (now in his Spiderman pyjamas) in the living room and plopped himself down on the sofa next to Clarke.

Clarke felt her chest tighten as she examined the small boy in front of her. His blonde hair was still disorganised from Lexa’s frequent ruffling throughout the evening, his head hung low almost resting on his chest and his eyes were dull, lacking their usual soulfulness.

_I am so out of my depth for this. What do I do? What do I do?!_

_Don’t panic!_ Her mind screamed back at her fears. _Take a deep breath_. Clarke inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower. _This is Lexa’s son,_ Clarke’s brain stated.

 _I already knew that. That doesn’t help._ Her fears bit back.

_For now, try doing what you did for Lexa when she was his age._

_That might work…_ The fear admitted in a quiet voice.

_Lexa told you that you helped her when she was younger, if those techniques are going to work on anyone else, her son would be a good bet._

“Hey, Aden.” Clarke said as she cleared her throat, vanishing her internal discussion at the same time.

“...yeah..?” He whispered after a while, not moving in even the slightest way.

“When your Ma was your age she used to come round to my house for sleepovers regularly and sometimes she was sad.” Clarke paused, her age and maturity making her re-examine Lexa’s bouts of sadness when they were younger (something she had often thought about especially over the last ten years and now even more so after what Lexa had said at the fair). Clarke shook her head and pushed aside those thoughts.

_That’s in the past, Aden is the present and needs you right now. Help those you can._

“I, being the greatest friend ever,” Clarke continued trying to inject a little bit of lightness, “came up with a sure fire cure for sadness. I’m thinking of patenting it.”

Aden gave her a sideways glance his lips twitching uncertainly, “Ma always cheers me up when I’m sad.”

“She’s a good mum like that.” Clarke affirmed.

“The best.” Aden declared into the stillness of the room. Clarke allowed silence to fall between them to see what Aden wanted: if he wanted to talk, to try what Clarke was going to suggest or if he wanted to do what his Ma usually did when he was sad. “So how did you used to cheer my Ma up?”

Clarke gave him a small smile, “It consists of two things. One of which I know you already have.” Aden gave her an arched eyebrow of curiosity that was the spitting image of Lexa. “Disney films and ice cream.”

Aden’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened. _Oh, shit, what I have done?!_ Clarke panicked internally as she watched Aden’s face go through an array of emotions that Clarke couldn’t even begin to comprehend. “That’s… that’s what… my Ma does.” He stuttered out.

“Oh…”, Clarke said dumbly. She had no response to that. _Lexa did Disney films and ice cream with her son, like they had done when they were kids._ Lexa’s words on the Ferris Wheel replayed over and over again in her head. It was fully hitting her now the sincerity and honesty behind what Lexa had admitted; with Aden as actual evidence that Lexa had felt that what Clarke had done for her was important and had made a difference.

“We have ice cream.” Aden whispered.

“Oh,” _Damn it, Clarke, use more than one syllable_ , “Right, do you want to pick the film and I’ll get the ice cream?” Clarke suggested and was relieved when Aden looked at her, his eyes marginally brighter, almost returning to their normal hue.

“Okay.” Aden gave her a small smile as he shuffled off the sofa to pick out a film.

 _Nice save, Clarke._ Clarke’s mind complimented as she got up to search for ice cream. _You can do this._

* * *

Miller’s fists clenched and unclenched unseen behind his back. Lexa’s questions for Maya’s parents were probing, edging towards accusatory at some points. When those questions came up Mr and Mrs Vie would glance at Miller with his compassionate eyes standing behind his superior officer and he would give them a nod of encouragement and support. That would give them enough of a boost to provide an answer.

“If it’s alright with both of you, I would like to examine Maya’s room?” Lexa asked, placing her hands on her knees and pushing herself to her feet. Maya’s father disentangled himself from his wife on the sofa, his arms had been wrapped around her in comfort. Vincent Vie led the two officers upstairs and pushed open the first door on the landing. “Thank you, Mr. Vie. We will be respectful of her things, I promise.” Vincent took the dismissal and hurried back to his wife.

Miller watched as Lexa carefully took in the room. It was a small room, walls painted a refreshing light blue, there was a couple of copies of famous artworks framed on the walls and shelves filled with an array of novels. A small desk next to the door had an essay half done on its top and there was a well-made single bed next to the window.

Lexa who had grabbed a bag from the cruiser Echo dropped her off in, finally opened it up to pull out two pairs of gloves for her and Miller to put on. “So, what did we learn from the Vies, deputy?” Lexa questioned as she moved further into the room to search the shelves whilst gesturing for Miller to start on the desk.

“Umm…”, Miller’s mind went blank, he wasn’t sure what of value they had really learnt from Lexa’s line of invasive questioning.

“You had a problem with how I handled the Vies?” Though it sounded like a question, the Sheriff’s tone made it clear it was more of a statement.

Miller swallowed, “Their daughter has only just gone missing and you acted like she was already dead and that her parents were involved.” Miller spoke slowly and quietly trying to restrain the fury that had been at a steady simmer for most of the evening. Miller wasn’t sure if the fury stemmed from the situation itself or the sheriff’s aloof attitude and behaviour. The only reason he hadn’t lost his cool so far was because of Lexa’s training over the past couple of weeks to help rein his emotional side in more.

“I know my ways seem harsh, especially to the Vies, but Maya is my top priority which means that I have to assume the worst case scenario and not miss any detail.” Lexa responded coolly as she fingered the knick-knacks on the shelves with ease and surety, giving closer inspection to some items more than others. “In most missing children cases it’s often the family involved, not necessarily the parents but someone the child at least knows. Maya’s parents are the greatest source for that information so I had to push them, not for their benefit but for Maya’s. Be mad. Be angry about that. Just don’t let it get in the way of your job.”

Miller took a few deep breathes for himself. _This is all for Maya. She’s the priority._ Miller fixed that idea in his head before continuing his careful search through the girl’s desk. He went through what the Vies had told them and tried to extract what was most valuable and informative, especially with the frame that if Maya was taken it was by someone she knew.

“She changed.” Miller began his summary, “Her parents said that about four years ago, she became more quiet, withdrawn. Her parents believed it was because she was starting the next school year and she was growing up, or that she was just really into reading and studying. Maya didn’t have any close friends that they knew of but she would often be texting on her phone, so they assumed that she had friends, a support system at school so they weren’t worried.” Miller faltered here, unsure of what else to say, “She would often go for long walks in the surrounding woods and her father would take her camping on weekends, so maybe… maybe… she simply went for a walk and got lost?”

This was Miller’s secret hope that this girl would wander home after going off the trail and be slightly embarrassed by all the drama she had caused. Or they would start a search in the woods and find her curled up asleep under a tree having bunkered down for the night after getting lost. 

“Very good points, deputy. We shall start searches in the woods early tomorrow morning. Once we’ve finished up here,” Lexa gestured around the bedroom as she crossed to Maya’s bed and window, “we will phone Vera and Emerson, they can begin recruiting volunteers to help with the search. Murphy and I will plan out search areas and routes, and you can head back out on patrol with Echo.” Following Lexa’s laid out plan they worked in silence.

Once, Miller had finished investigating his side of the room (he had found a couple of photos of the woods that could be relevant to their search), he approached Lexa who was staring intently out of the bedroom window. Outside the window was a tree which seemed well tended, and Lexa was studying this closely.

“Everything alright, sheriff?” Miller queried.

“Hmm…”, Lexa hummed thoughtfully as she pulled her eyes away from the window, “Right, yes, I have one more question for the parents, then we can be on our way.” Lexa spun on the spot in a military precise manner and strode out the room, Miller on her heels.

“Yes, sheriff.”

Mr and Mrs Vie were on the sofa, Mrs Vie’s face buried in her husband’s neck as he gently rubbed her back. “Mr and Mrs Vie?” Lexa spoke quietly trying not to disturb the couple’s peace as much as possible.

“Sheriff.” Vincent acknowledged, his eyes were now red and his jaw tight, so Lexa didn’t step into the room any further. Miller could see Lexa’s green eyes cloud over as she tried to determine the best approach to get whatever information she required.

“I’m sorry, we are about to head out and start planning a search party for the woods. Deputy Miller will be your point of contact and keep you up-to-date. Before we go, though, I just wanted to inquire about the tree outside Maya’s window-” Up until that point Mr Vie had seemed receptive and open, however, at the query his eyes hardened, Miller made to grab Lexa’s arm to suggest they leave. Lexa took a step forward ignoring Miller’s concern, she adopted a soft tone and raised her hands slightly to placate Mr Vie, “it’s been recently tended to and there used to be a branch directly outside her window.”

“That’s what you want to talk about? A tree?” Mr Vie scoffed, and looked like he was about to stand up when Mrs Vie’s arms tightened around him, restraining his body and his anger. “The tree was overgrown, our neighbour across the road noticed and offered to cut it back for us. He had a landscaping business... That all happened a few years ago.” Mr Vie finished speaking shaking his head in disgust at Lexa.

“Thank you Mr Vie, I appreciate all the information you have given us.” With that Lexa turned out of the room giving Miller a meaningful glare for his attempt at holding her back earlier before walking out the house. Miller went over to the Vies and promised to keep them informed, Vincent shook his hand in appreciation.

Lexa was leaning against the cruiser waiting for him, Miller stormed past her, unlocking the car and making to get into the driving seat. “Why do you think I asked about the tree?” Miller gritted his teeth at the question, _she’s turning this into a fucking teaching moment? What the fuck?_

Miller exhaled deeply, trying to release his anger and answer the question, “I don’t know. If there was a branch outside her room… maybe she used it to sneak out?” Miller guessed with a bitter tone that conveyed, _I really don’t give a shit._

Lexa’s cold eyes focused in on Miller’s face and her lips pursed at the tone. She merely nodded and let the subject drop, appreciating Miller didn’t want to hear her speak right now, she opened her own door and swung into the passenger seat.

Miller dropped into the driver’s seat with relief that he was finally about to be mobile and active in searching. He put the car in drive and pulled away from the street with the twitching curtains.

* * *

Aden didn’t say much once the film started, he appeared less downcast which Clarke took as a victory. She was unsure if she should’ve asked Aden what he was thinking or feeling, but she didn’t want to cross any boundaries and make him feel uncomfortable so Clarke had just told him she was here and if he wanted to talk, she was more than happy to listen. Aden gave her a small smile at that, he still didn’t speak but appeared a lot more at ease knowing that Clarke was there to help.

Aden fell asleep part way through the second Disney film, curled up to the giant raccoon that Lexa had won for him. Clarke gently moved the small boy so he was lying down comfortably on the sofa. She momentarily considered carrying Aden upstairs to his bed but she knew that would wake him and didn’t want to disturb him when he was actually sleeping deeply and comfortably. Clarke did run upstairs to grab the duvet off his bed and cover him and the raccoon with it. Clarke moved to the armchair beside the sofa trying to catch some sleep under the fluffy blue blanket, a quiet sentinel over the small child.

The first rays of light glinted through the window over the slumbering blondes. The brightness caused Clarke to stir, a sharp ache in her neck from sleeping in the armchair made her wince. Clarke had set an alarm for the morning so she would have enough time to get Aden ready for school, but when she checked her phone it was still early. Clarke considered getting up anyway when she heard the front door get unlocked and creep open quietly.

Clarke went into full protective mode over Aden, sleeping nearby, and whipped off the blanket and stood up (her joints cracking and creaking with the movement). Clarke momentarily admonished her body for giving her away before Lexa appeared.

Clarke’s heart fluttered as it always did when she saw Lexa, this time it beat extra hard as she took in her exhausted figure. Her clothes were rumpled, hair she had thrown into a quick ponytail at some point in the night was escaping in wild clumps. Her eyes were dull, losing their edge and sharpness. Once she was home she no longer bared the weight of her sheriff’s badge as heavily. Her shoulders seemed to cave forward upon seeing Clarke, as if she realised Clarke wasn’t going to demand or expect her to stand tall. Clarke felt her insides buzz helplessly at the thought Lexa would feel comfortable enough to let her guard down around her.

“Lexa.” Clarke whispered, wanting to run forward and wrap her up in her arms.

“Hey, Clarke.” Lexa whispered in return slowly rounding the sofa to stand in front of Aden. The mother crouched down by her slumbering boy and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead sweeping his blonde locks off his closed lids. Lexa stood back up and gave Clarke a weak, tired smile. It was small but genuine, and Clarke felt like she had been given one of the world’s greatest treasures.

“Are you okay?” Clarke reached forward as she spoke about to link their fingers but she stopped herself, hovering in the void, afraid to cross an unspoken line. Lexa noticed her hesitation and showed none of her own. Lexa interlaced her fingers with Clarke’s own outstretched ones and tugged her forward so their bodies were pressed together. Lexa’s free arm wrapped around Clarke’s shoulders and neck, her fingers tangling in her jumper in a tight grip. Lexa buried her cold nose into the crook of Clarke’s neck, sending pleasant shivers down Clarke’s spine.

It took Clarke a few moments to fully take in what was happening before her own arm encircled Lexa’s waist and she gave their joined hands a squeeze. Every breath of Lexa’s that hit Clarke’s neck was electrifying every nerve in her body. _Keep breathing_ , her brain reminded her as she realised that she had been holding her breath afraid that the slightest movement would make Lexa move away. Having Lexa in her arms felt like finally coming home, it felt like this was where she was meant to have been all along.

“I’ve been worse.” Lexa sighed resignedly. Clarke wanted to ask about the girl, the search, if Lexa had slept at all, if she had ate… she had a million questions but she didn’t want to break this moment of peace she had seemed to have created for Lexa. “Thank you.” Lexa murmured rubbing her nose further into Clarke’s neck.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Clarke replied with total honesty. For this moment, Clarke would go to hell and back for, this closeness surpassed any thank you.

“You looked after my son, of course I should thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.” Clarke’s mind short circuited as Lexa placed a ghost of a kiss on her neck.

“You have no idea how much you trusting me to look after Aden means to me. I know how hard that must’ve been for you.” Clarke admitted. She felt Lexa tense under her arms for only a moment before becoming loose again.

“It was much easier than I thought it would be.” With those final words Lexa tightened her hold on Clarke for less than a breath before she began pulling away and freeing herself from Clarke’s embrace. “I need to shower, eat and get Aden ready for school before heading back to the station.” Lexa’s shoulders sagged at the limited free time she had to make herself feel human again.

Clarke was trying to gain a grip on this new reality where she was allowed to hold and comfort Lexa. A new reality where her home was no longer four walls, but entrancing green eyes, a loving and supportive embrace, soulful blue eyes and ruffled blonde hair.

Clarke swallowed regaining her balance which she had lost when Lexa had stepped out of her arms. “I don’t have any appointments till ten. Why don’t you go shower and I’ll get some coffee going? I’ll stay down here with Aden.”

“I can’t ask you to stay here and do that. You’ve already done so much.” Lexa’s expression turned guilty.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be. And I want to help.” Clarke replied with total sincerity. Lexa beamed at her through her exhaustion.

Lexa disappeared upstairs to shower, and try to make herself look like she had managed to get at least an hour’s worth of sleep. Clarke worked out Lexa’s coffee machine and produced two cups of coffee, Lexa’s significantly stronger than her own. Aden awoke not soon after. Clarke told him his Ma was back and would be down soon, she said that it would really help his Ma if he got ready for school as well, to which he readily moved to do so. Aden didn’t seem surprised that his Ma was back to take him to school commenting that his Ma had promised and that had made it a certainty.

Once Aden shuffled away, still yawning, off to his room, Clarke rummaged around in the kitchen cupboards with the intention of making the Woods family some breakfast. She decided on making something simple when the array of ingredients and spices she found intimidated her.

_Lexa has definitely levelled up her cooking and baking skills over the years._

Clarke was spooning scrambled eggs onto three plates with toast when Lexa reappeared dressed in her signature leather jacket, her hair was braided and out of her face and her badge and gun placed on each hip. _Wipe away the drool,_ Clarke’s common sense ordered her.

“Hey.” Lexa breathed as she came to sit at the kitchen island, her green eyes sparkling up at Clarke with gratitude.

“Hey, feel better?” Clarke asked as she came around the island to sit next to Lexa, pushing the breakfast plates and coffee over to each seat at the island as she went.

“So much better.” Lexa inhaled her strong coffee deeply and began digging into her food. “This is amazing. Thank you, Clarke.”

“Don’t worry about it. Anything that helps you find the girl.” Lexa stilled, her fork was halfway to her mouth. _Damn it, Clarke, you were doing so well. You should have stuck to one syllable._ An apology for bringing it up was on her tongue when Lexa opened up.

“I hate these cases.” Lexa was staring straight ahead and she was still tense. “These are the ones that stick with you.” Lexa shook her head in dismay, reliving too much. “I was always good at those cases, though, so I had to go through more of them than I wanted.”

Clarke’s heart broke for Lexa thinking how many missing children Lexa was sent out to find and how many she probably didn’t. She couldn’t bear to imagine what memories this was bringing back for Lexa. Clarke wanted to ask about her previous cases, help lessen her burden, ease her demons but a fearful voice in her head questioned, _do you really want to know?_

_Do you really want to know the reason her hands tremble?_

_Do you really want to know what put the darkness into her eyes and the steel beneath her skin?_

_If it helps her… yes,_ Clarke’s heart screamed in answer.

“Lexa-”

“I hoped that coming back here meant I wouldn’t have to do these cases anymore.” Lexa whispered her confession as if God himself would smite her for her desire not to have to find another missing child.

“How can I help?” It was the only thing Clarke could think to say, the only offer she had the power to make.

Lexa tilted her head to meet Clarke’s gaze, her green eyes conveying the softness Clarke adored, “You already are.”

“Ma!” Aden yelled as he bounded into the room and straight into his mother’s arms who pulled him close to her chest in an iron hold. She kissed the top of his head and then mussed his hair before Aden sat down to start on his food. “This is really good.” He commented through a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

“Chew before speaking, sweetie.” Aden closed his mouth and chewed in an exaggerated manner that had Clarke smirking into her coffee and Lexa raising an eyebrow in amusement. Clarke was suddenly hit with how domestic this all was, and even more struck by how natural it all felt. _I feel like I belong_. “And you should be thanking, Clarke. She cooked breakfast.”

“Thanks, Clarke. And… thanks for last night.” Aden said shyly. Lexa shot both blondes a curious look.

“Disney and ice cream.” Clarke answered immediately, with a sad smile.

“Oh…”, Lexa’s eyes widened with understanding, she turned back to Aden and rested a hand on his shoulder and leant forward to whisper in his ear. Clarke turned her attention back to her own breakfast allowing the mother and son their solitude to talk. Any chance of Clarke feeling isolated was removed when, after the pair had finished their discussion, Lexa gave her a smile of gratitude and asked her about her day, her and Aden listening attentively to her answer.

With breakfast finished, Aden dashed upstairs to gather his backpack and school books. Clarke hovered ready to leave with the Woods.

“If you need any more help with Aden…”, Clarke offered knowing Lexa would be busy with work.

“Thanks, but Aden is going to Lincoln’s after school, hopefully I’ll be able to meet him for dinner.” Clarke felt herself deflate a little hearing she was no longer needed.

“Right.” Clarke nodded to herself more than to Lexa.

“Clarke, I…” Lexa stuttered.

“Yes?” Clarke prompted as she watched Lexa fidget on the spot.

“I was hoping that when this is all over…” Lexa took a deep breath and a step forward into Clarke’s personal space, “we could revisit… things…” She trailed off uncertainly, her eyes darting all over Clarke’s face trying to find a hint of rejection, of fear and finding none.

“I would love that.”

* * *

Murphy had gotten about 4 hours of sleep last night, which he refused to complain about knowing he was one of the more well-rested members of the Sheriff’s department. He’d been asleep for a couple of hours when Lexa called him, rousing him from his slumber and bed, she had updated him on the situation and asked him to meet her at the station so they could plan out search areas and routes for the woods.

It took them two hours working under the assumption that Vera and Emerson would be able to gather enough volunteers for three search party groups; they divided the woods into key areas incorporating as many of the places Maya had been to previously. Once finished, Lexa ordered John back to bed (he tried to argue that he wanted to stay and help) insisting that he would need to be as well-rested as possible to cover for Echo and Miller when they had to rest tomorrow. John made the comment that Lexa should do the same but she merely shook her head and moved to her office to make more plans.

John arrived back at the office just as Lexa was leaving to run home and sort out Aden. On her way out she told Murphy that he was to see off the three volunteer search groups (each to be led by: Emerson, Echo and Miller, and Vera to coordinate from the station) and then he was to return and meet her in her office. John opened his mouth to question her decision to hold him back from the actual search when he saw a steel glint in Lexa’s eye that made him re-think that move.

It was heart-warming to see how many people turned up to help with the search; Murphy got that glow of pride that went with seeing his town pull together to do what was right and help in any way possible. John explained the routes each team were to take to the deputy in charge, clarified the procedure if they found anything and reiterated that it was important that they checked in with Vera every ten minutes so she could coordinate them if need be. Once he saw the last volunteer trundle into the woods, Murphy drove back to the department.

Lexa was back, looking livelier and more put together than she did previously, and set up in her office talking to the DA who was Vera’s son Marcus. Murphy lingered awkwardly outside of her office as it appeared Lexa was in a deep discussion with the attorney. He listened to Vera receive updates from the search groups and cross searched areas off her map.

After about ten minutes, Lexa emerged shaking Marcus Kane’s hand before striding over to John. “What’s the plan, Sheriff?” John asked, straightening himself up.

“We finally got Maya’s phone records. Her phone’s last location before going dead was outside the library at 6:12pm, which fits with our timeline.”

“So we can’t find where she is in the woods?” John said with sad resignation. Lexa’s lips pursed and her green eyes hardened.

“We were never going to find her in the woods.” Lexa’s voice was cold and set.

“What?!” John exclaimed, his hands turning into fists at his sides.

“The search parties cover our bases but I’m ninety five percent certain she is not lost in the woods.” Lexa muttered looking down at a stack of papers in her hands. “We also got Maya’s call history.”

Realisation dawned on John, “You think she’s…”, Lexa nodded futilely at the question Murphy couldn’t get out. He swallowed thickly at Lexa’s confirmation, bile and nausea rising through him, “You have a suspect…?” He whispered.

“Yes.”

“What do you need, Sherriff?” Murphy’s jaw clenched alongside his fists.

“I need irrefutable evidence. I want to make sure there is no wiggle room for this bastard.”

* * *

Lexa filled Murphy in on her suspicions asking John to point out the weaknesses in her case so far which he did dutifully. Lexa informed him of her plans and what she needed him to do. The phone records provided enough evidence to get a search warrant, for which Lexa had called in the sheriff’s department one town over to assist with as her department was at full capacity already. The neighbouring officers would arrive at the house to be searched in an hour, and Lexa would meet them there. Murphy was to interview the librarian and Maya’s school teachers and friends to create what Maya’s normal timetable and schedule was like, and how she behaved, if they had any concerns. Murphy was also to go around and find if there was any security cameras around the library or in any of the streets nearby.

As Lexa and Murphy started to head out, Lexa stopped by Vera’s desk and ordered her to tell the deputies that they were to bring all the volunteers back to the station and interview them, in alphabetical order. She had handed over a sheet covering the main questions and points the deputies were to cover, and after glancing down the grouped list of volunteers told Vera that: Miller could use the conference room for his interviews, Emerson the bullpen and Echo the interrogation room. Vera shot the Sheriff a confused expression and grimace at the orders but trusted the stoic woman enough to not question her.

Before Lexa and Murphy separated to complete their individual tasks, Murphy reached over and squeezed Lexa’s shoulder promising he wouldn’t let her down, Lexa responded with a simple, “I know.”

* * *

“This is bullshit.”

“What the fuck? Why is she making us do this?”

“This is a waste of fucking time.”

Murphy shook his head drowning out the voices of his colleagues as he re-entered the station. The three other deputies were grouped around Vera’s desk complaining vehemently about having to interview the volunteers. They were nearly finished with only two or three people each to talk to. Lexa was back in her office speaking with Marcus Kane and making sure she had all the evidence she needed for her arrest.

Murphy had kept Lexa up-to-date as he received more information. The librarian confirmed that Maya would often leave the library six to six thirty in the evening. Maya’s parents said dinner was usually at seven thirty or eight and it should take Maya fifteen minutes to walk home so on average that meant there was an hour and a half where Maya was unaccounted for most days. Lexa checked the phone records against this information and found Maya would receive either a phone call or text around the same time she would leave the library.

After the library, Murphy moved onto the high school and spoke to some of her teachers and classmates. All had been placed on alert to inform the Sheriff department if they heard anything from Maya. Her teachers cast the same picture of Maya as her parents had done. Quiet, kept to herself and flew under the radar as much as possible. No close friends that they knew of.

Now, John was back at the station listening to his friends throw mud on Lexa. _Yes, she’s keeping them in the dark, but to be honest would they be willing to check the woods if they weren’t? Would they be able to remain neutral and calm if they knew Lexa’s suspicions?_ Murphy understood why Lexa wanted to play this close to her chest, her time as an FBI agent with these sort of cases had built that into her, alongside a healthy distrust for anything that could impede creating an airtight case. She preferred being able to operate and investigate without having to deal with the politics and scrutiny the three deputies would bring with them in such a small town.

 _I’m just glad I’m not the one calling the shots._ Being a father meant this case left a gut-twisting feeling in his gut, he had promised himself once this was all over he would spend as much time with baby Alex as he possibly could.

“Echo!” Lexa called out as she strode out of her office and headed towards the stooges twittering away. The deputies jumped apart instantly and fell silent; Miller staring down at his feet and avoiding eye contact, Emerson was scowling blatantly at his superior whilst Echo winced worried what could possibly have the sheriff yelling her name out for.

“Sheriff”, the deputies acknowledged as Lexa came to a stop in front of them all. Lexa noticed Murphy behind the deputies and she gave him a nod and gestured for him to collect Marcus Kane and setup the interrogation room. Murphy shuffled past the group, listening as Lexa told Echo that she would take over her last few interviews, so Echo could finish up her paperwork and go home and get some sleep (Murphy didn’t stick around to hear the fallout of that).

Kane and Murphy stood on the opposite side of the two-way mirror, waiting for the main event. Murphy crossed his arms over his chest and forced himself to focus.

On the other side of the glass, the door finally opened and Lexa timidly stepped in, her shoulders hunched over and an awkward apologetic smile hanging lopsidedly on her face. She was no longer standing tall and proud, she appeared shy as if she wanted to take up as little space in the room as possible.

Behind Lexa, came in Cage Wallace. He stood tall, almost leaning over Lexa, hands clasped behind his back exuding comfort and confidence, and he had his signature smarmy smirk playing on his lips. Murphy felt physically sick at the sight.

“I am _so_ sorry for taking up your time, Mr. Wallace.” Lexa’s voice was higher pitched and more breathy than normal. “See, I’ve just taken over this job and I need to follow the protocol and I’m still trying to get my head around everything…” She trailed off and gave Cage a shy smile, as he waved his hands around to dismiss her worries.

“It’s no trouble at all Miss. Woods.” Cage said with a flirtatious wink, he even went so far as to pull out Lexa’s chair for her on one side of the table before taking his own seat.

“What a gentleman.” Lexa ducked her head coyly as she placed the files she brought in with her onto the table in front of her. She shuffled the papers around messily, scrounging to find the relevant paperwork, “Just a… second… I found it.” Lexa called out victoriously, moving to pump her arm but then stopping to shake her head dismissing the action with a grimace.

“Take your time, hun, you have been working very hard on this case.” Cage assured with a patronising tone, Lexa shot him a thankful smile.

“Alright so, this document that Deputy Emerson - what a nice guy - wrote up for me says I need to ask if you want a lawyer… that can’t be right… oh, well… if he wrote it there must be a good reason… do you want a lawyer?” Lexa stuttered out as she closely examined the document in front of her.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, hun.”

“Phew, one point down already. Ok, next… he wrote that you’re Maya’s neighbour, is that right?” Lexa peered up at Cage looking for confirmation.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Would it be alright if I ask you a bit about Maya’s comings and goings, what she’s like...? As her neighbour you might be able to provide useful insight-”

Cage held up a soft hand pausing Lexa’s pleading, “Anything, I can do to help.”

“Thank you, so much.” Lexa reshuffled the papers and pulled a new sheet out. “So, do you know what sort of time Maya would normally get home at?” Lexa rummaged around in her pocket and pulled out a ball point pen.

“I’m not sure but I would sometimes see her getting home at around seven-ish.” Lexa dutifully wrote down his answer.

“Err.. Did you see if she had any friends? Did you see anyone coming to see her?”

“No, not really.”

“Did you know she would often go to the library after school?”

“Um… no, I didn’t know that.” Cage raised an eyebrow at that question.

“Sorry, I know it was unlikely you would know… I was just hoping that you might have been able to help me… see- you know what? It doesn’t matter.” Lexa dismissed her idea with a shake of her head and began to re-gather her papers that were spread all over the desk by now.

“Of course it matters.” Cage reached over and placed his hand atop of Lexa’s stopping her tidying. “What is it you need help with?”

Lexa glanced up into his eyes and bit her bottom lip, “Well, you see we have this block of Maya’s time every day that is unaccounted for.” Lexa whispered, her eyes wide as if she was revealing some big secret.

“A… a block of time?” Cage asked, carefully removing his hand from atop of Lexa’s and sitting up straighter in his chair. His gaze was intense now but the smirk was still there.

“Yes, um… see she would leave the library at around six but wouldn’t get home until seven thirty.” Lexa twisted her bottom lip under her teeth. “I just don’t know what to think.”

Cage sighed, “I’m sorry, I have no knowledge about that. I will let you know if I think of anything.” He patted Lexa’s hand at this.

“Thank you. One more question… if it’s not too much trouble?” Lexa asked with saccharine sweetness.

“Sure, hun.”

“The tree outside Maya’s room… Her parents mentioned that a neighbour with a landscaping business…”, Lexa trailed off and gestured at Cage, helplessly.

“Oh, yeah, I offered to cut back the tree for them, it looked overgrown, I didn’t want it to fall and damage their house. I was just being a good neighbour. Why are you interested in the tree?” Cage’s smirk twitched for a moment in amusement.

“I noticed that there used to be a branch right outside Maya’s window, would have blocked her view of the street, but she could also have used it to sneak out, but if you got rid of it years ago like her parents said…” Cage nodded to confirm, “then that’s not an issue.’”

“Ah… makes sense. Was there anything else?” Cage clapped his hands together hoping to bring the interview to a conclusion.

“There were questions about the search but we’ve gotten enough information from the other volunteers and you’ve already been _so_ helpful.” Lexa placed her hands on the table to push herself up when her eyes caught on a piece of paper on top of the mess. “Oh my!” Lexa exclaimed falling back into her seat with an oomph.

“What is it?” Cage leant forward in interest as he noticed Lexa’s sudden excitement.

“This is Maya’s phone records.” Lexa breathed as she reverently picked up the piece of paper that had taken all her attention. “And it shows there is a number she would call just before her unaccounted time.”

“Wait, what-” Cage’s eyes widened and his hands gripped the arms of his chair as Lexa dug excitedly into her pockets for her phone.

“This could explain so much.” Lexa said excitedly as she began inputting the number into her own phone and then hitting the dial button. She gave Cage a wide grin as she put the phone to her ear.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

Cage paled significantly as the phone in his pocket rang out loud and proud. “I- I- I-”, Cage stammered, the smirk vanishing from his face.

“Don’t you want to get that?” Lexa’s tone was cold, her eyes were even colder, her jaw was tight, and a sculpted eyebrow was arched in accusation. In the space of seconds she had transformed herself back into her professional Sheriff persona.

With trembling hands Cage pulled his phone free and declined the call, setting it down on the table in front of him. “I had completely forgotten that I would give Maya a lift home from the library every now and again. I couldn’t stand the idea of her walking home alone in the dark.”

“Yes, there’s plenty of monsters out there that would take advantage of a girl walking home alone.” Lexa curled her lip with disgust.

“Exactly.” Cage swallowed weakly.

“Exactly.” Lexa repeated. “What sort of monster would trim their neighbour’s tree so they would have an unrestricted view of their young daughter’s bedroom?”

Cage gulped, placing his elbows on the table and resting his head in his hands.

“That sort of monster, is someone the Sheriff’s department would pay particular attention to. For example, we would get a search warrant and search that monster’s house for evidence. And if this monster was particularly stupid or arrogant they would leave plenty of incriminating evidence on their laptop.” As Lexa spoke calmly she had easily sorted the documents spread erratically over the desk into a neat pile which she laced her fingers together over the top of as she leant forward to ask, “You wouldn’t happen to know a monster like that... would you?”

* * *

Murphy let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding as Cage began to tremble. Murphy turned to Kane who nodded, conveying ‘we’ve got him’.

Lexa was in the interrogation room with Cage for another couple of hours. She read him his rights and he broke down quickly after that. It was pathetic to watch Cage beg for forgiveness and sympathy.

Lexa gave him neither.

Maya was gone, buried and hidden. 

She was calm and collected for the entire interview as Cage told her everything. Murphy had to leave eventually, unable to bear listening for even a second longer.

Murphy informed the other deputies of what was going on and everything that they had found out. That left them all in stunned silence; Miller’s resolve hardened first and he went in to take over Murphy’s vigil, which enabled Kane to step out for a moment to compose himself as well.

Officers from county arrived not much later to take Cage into custody, they had been sent to retrieve Maya’s body and examine the crime scene. The case was in there hands now. Lexa and Miller went to inform the Vies. Murphy felt guilty for how thankful he was that he didn’t have to witness the parents’ grief.

Lexa returned having dropped Miller off at his home, from the sounds of things he wasn’t coping well and needed to be around family.

Lexa gave a rundown of events to the remaining deputies and Vera in her own words once she was free to do so, she thanked them sincerely for their work and dismissed them to get some sleep, saying she would take the night shift. Emerson seemed eager to start an argument about the dismissal and being kept in the dark but Vera shot him an intimidating glare which made him re-think his attitude.

They all trudged out slowly as Lexa retreated to her office to start all the paperwork. Vera patted Lexa on the shoulder and whispered ‘good work, Sheriff’ to her before leaving. Murphy stopped by Lexa’s office to see if she needed help or company.

“Go home to your family, John. You did amazing work, today. These cases are hard and you handled it well.” Lexa sighed leaning back in her chair, obviously exhausted.

“Thanks, Sheriff.” Murphy swayed in the doorway of her office uncertainly. “You deserve to go home to your family too.”

“I plan to. Just not tonight. Aden is coming around for dinner at the station before I start patrol. Lincoln is looking after him tonight. I’ll make it up to him this weekend.” Lexa smiled up at her friend weakly. “Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Alexandria.”

* * *

Lexa stared at her hands trembling on top of the table.

_You should be proud of yourself, you held it together through the case and dinner with Aden. You can break now._

The back of Lexa’s eyes stung harshly as the tears formed, she swallowed repeatedly trying to hold down the sobs.

_Don’t think about last time._

_Don’t think about **him.**_

_Don’t think about Titus._

_He’s not here. He can’t hurt you or Aden._

_He’s gone._

_He’s gone._

_So are the children that you failed._

Titus’ face swam in the forefront of her mind juxtaposed next to all those cases that didn’t end with a child being reunited with their family. Darkness spread and consumed every inch of her being. Her skin crawled uncomfortably and her chest tightened as she struggled to force the air out of her lungs. Her nerves twitched reminding her of every past physical wound and injury. Everything hurt and her mind screamed in pain.

_He’s gone._

_He can’t hurt you._

_But he is hurting me, even now._

* * *

“Clarke?”

“Hey, Linc. What’s up?” Clarke answered her phone good-naturedly as she leant past Raven on the sofa to grab the remote and turn down the volume of the TV. Raven rolled her eyes and got up in a huff, grabbing her own phone as she went.

‘Going to phone your girlfriend’, Clarke mouthed at Raven who confirmed her suggestion by snorting and flipping her the bird. Clarke snorted at the action, absolutely loving being able to tease Raven about her slightly strange attachment and burgeoning relationship with the unflappable FBI agent Anya.

“I know me and you don’t know each other very well and I have no right to ask-”, Linc blabbered on the other side of the phone, it surprised Clarke momentarily as she wouldn’t have imagined the effortlessly cool bar owner to struggle with getting his words out. _Either he has a serious favour to ask or he wants me to assemble more furniture using foreign language instructions._

“Linc, after helping assemble your furniture I like to think we’re friends, and that means you can always ask for my help.” Clarke broke in to reassure him and encourage him to get to the point.

“I need you to go check on Lexa. As soon as possible.” The seriousness of his voice, caused a heavy plummeting feeling in Clarke’s chest that she was sure was going to drag her down to the centre of the Earth. “She’s at the station, I took Aden round for dinner and I could tell she wasn’t doing well but she insisted I take Aden home and look after him. She needs someone right now, Clarke, and I can’t leave Aden. Please, please, I don’t think she should be on her own right now… this case… it wasn’t good for her.”

Clarke was already on her feet and grabbing her coat. “I’m on my way to the station, right now.”

“Thank you.” Lincoln managed to call out before Clarke was hanging up and running out the door quickly yelling an ‘I’m going out’ to Raven.

The drive to the station felt like an eternity and Clarke had to force herself not to break the speed limit. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw all the police cruisers were still in their places, meaning Lexa hadn’t headed out on patrol yet.

Clarke dove out of her car and sprinted up to the station’s entrance. It was eerily quiet in the building, all of the lights were off except for a dim lamplight that was peeking out from the doorway to Lexa’s office. Tension built inside Clarke with each step towards Lexa, unsure what state she would find her in.

“Lexa.” Clarke’s voice broke as she took in the crumpled figure at the desk. Lexa was barely holding her head up, her face only a few inches above a spread of paperwork. Tears were dripping irregularly onto the papers, and she was shaking uncontrollably, and breathing harshly.

Clarke wanted nothing more than to gather Lexa into her arms, but if Lexa was on the edge of a panic attack surrounding her like that would only be for Clarke’s benefit and not Lexa’s. Clarke moved slowly into the room and towards Lexa, eventually kneeling by her side. “Lexa, it’s me, Clarke.” She whispered softly as she carefully reached out and placed a light hand on Lexa’s bicep.

Thankfully, Lexa didn’t flinch and her cries quieted a fraction.

“Just breathe, Lexa. Take your time.” Clarke instructed trying to coax Lexa through her despair. Clarke placed her free hand onto Lexa’s back and rubbed slow, soothing circles. After a few minutes Lexa’s shakes started to dissipate, and the tears slowed. Her head lifted off her hands and she turned it to meet Clarke’s gaze. Lexa’s green eyes were dark and devastating, full of pain that Clarke could feel herself drowning in.

“It never ends, Clarke.” Lexa sobbed out. “Everytime, I think I’m free of the darkness…” Lexa shook her head unable to continue.

“Lexa…” _What do I say? How can I help?_ Clarke took a deep breath, opening her arms wide, giving Lexa the choice. Lexa stared at her for a moment before biting her lip and falling into Clarke’s waiting arms. “I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke promised as she tried to shield Lexa as best she could.

“I think I’m learning that.” Lexa said trying to force out some light-heartedness. Lexa buried her face into Clarke’s neck like she had done this morning, _God that feels like a lifetime ago._

_How the hell did I survive without Lexa for ten years?_

Clarke swallowed as she restarted rubbing circles into Lexa’s back to comfort her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight, is that okay?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Of course, we don’t have to talk at all.” Clarke assured as she cradled Lexa gently and rocked her back and forth.

“Thank you.” Lexa breathed out sleepily.


	11. A Chance

They stayed curled up together on the floor for a long time; Clarke just being there for Lexa so she didn’t feel alone.

“Lexa, let me take you home. You need to sleep.” Clarke murmured into Lexa’s hair which she was resting her cheek on.

“I can’t go home, I need to go out on patrol. I said I would cover the night shift.”

“Oh, Lexa.” Clarke felt a great surge of affection for the sheriff who had allowed her deputies to go home and rest.

“I know. I should actually be heading out any moment now.” Lexa made to disentangle herself, and Clarke only reluctantly let her go when she saw Lexa’s eyes had almost returned to their natural forest green.

“How long is your patrol?”

“Three sets of two hour patrols, with an hour break between each at the station.” Lexa answered getting to her feet.

“I can wait here for you... if you want?” Clarke offered. Lexa twisted her hands together and bit her bottom lip unsure.

“I don’t know…”, she shifted from foot to foot.

“I’m staying.” Clarke decided moving from the floor to the sofa tucked in the corner of the sheriff’s office. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

Lexa shot Clarke a small smile as she began to gather up her items to head out.

Clarke played games on her phone for the two hours that Lexa was away, she also ordered some pizza for the station to arrive a little bit after Lexa was due back. Although she knew Lexa had eaten dinner with Aden and Lincoln; Lexa had had a long day and if Aden’s tales were true then Lexa would always be able to squeeze in more food.

When Lexa got back from her first patrol, she was composed, the solitude of patrol had chilled her out even more, enabling her to sort through her thoughts and feelings. Lexa rummaged around her office and found Clarke a charger for her phone and a puzzle book that Vera had supplied to entertain the stooges when on night shift.

Lexa told Clarke about the case whilst they ate. Clarke was horror struck by the revelations regarding Cage, she swore to herself that she would get in touch with Dante to see how he was coping with the news, and offer to cover his appointments if he wanted time to himself. Lexa made the connection that Clarke worked with Dante and was quick to offer support, and helped Clarke theorise what the potential fallout might be for Dante and the practice and strategize some practical solutions.

Clarke napped during Lexa’s next patrol, and insisted when she came back for the next hour that she try to sleep as well, Clarke promising that she would wake Lexa if a call came in. After Lexa’s final patrol (and 14 incomplete crosswords courtesy of Clarke), Murphy arrived to take over and prepare for the morning shift; Murphy took one look at the Sheriff, bags like black holes underneath her eyes and her exhaustion causing her to sway on her feet that he insisted Lexa take up Clarke’s offer to drive her home.

It was only a fifteen minute drive back to Lexa’s house early Saturday morning, but Lexa still managed to fall asleep. Instead of waking her and forcing her on her feet when they got back to Polis Hill, Clarke went and roused Lincoln to help carry Lexa to bed, which Lincoln was more than willing to do and did with ease. Lexa grumbled (adorably in Clarke’s opinion) about being manhandled, her exhaustion, however, ensured she couldn’t put up much of a fight. Lincoln dropped his best friend unceremoniously onto her bed who tutted at the action but couldn’t bring herself to complain.

Clarke and Lincoln shuffled out of the bedroom, not before Lincoln snapped a photo of a grumbling Lexa to send to Anya as proof that Lexa was alive and well (Anya would vehemently deny that she had been up most of the night worrying about her friend). Clarke shut the door behind them; as soon as they were a good distance from the bedroom, Lincoln pulled Clarke into a big bear hug and thanked her repeatedly for looking after Lexa (Clarke had also sent him updates on Lexa throughout the night so he wouldn’t worry). With mother and son asleep, Lincoln suggested they head over to ‘The Hub’ and get some coffee, which Clarke readily accepted.

They locked the house up and headed out, leaving the Woods slumbering safely upstairs.

* * *

Lexa had just enough energy to get changed into her comfy pyjamas before crawling under the covers. She was a second away from falling into a deep slumber when she heard her bedroom door open and a timid voice call out, “Ma?”

“I’m here, sweetie.” Lexa responded drowsily, gathering enough strength to lift the covers up next to her for Aden to crawl in and snuggle against her. With her son safely by her side, Lexa let the exhaustion wash over her and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Aden napped happily for a few hours, but got restless a little bit before midday so went and retrieved his sketchbook to work on whilst his mother slept. He was working on a sketch of the fair they had gone to, putting extra detail and attention into the Ferris Wheel, he even included three figures in one car, who had a striking resemblance to the Woods family and Clarke. A little bit past one he made himself a sandwich before continuing his work. He had a few pieces to show Mr. Blake and they would pick one to enter in the competition this Monday.

His Ma began to stir in the early afternoon, eventually sitting up and silently admiring her son’s work. “I’m sorry, about not really being here this week.” Lexa’s fingers carefully moved strands of hair off Aden’s forehead adding order to the messy locks. “I’ll try to be better, I promise.”

Soulful blue eyes sought out his mother’s downcast ones, “It’s alright Ma, you had a lot going on and you were still always there if I needed you.” Aden smiled at her trying to reassure his mother that he hadn’t felt abandoned.

“No matter what happens, you will always come first.” Aden didn’t doubt that for a second, not anymore. When Lexa had first taken him in, he had been waiting and expecting Lexa to leave him, to take him back. Not once did she ever let Aden feel as if he wasn’t wanted or that she wouldn’t put him first.

“I know, Ma.” He whispered back to her, with complete certainty.

“Let me make it up to you, anyway. This weekend is about you and me, what do you want to do?” Lexa asked arching an eyebrow, which had Aden grinning.

“Can we have a game day? We can finish off that video game we started?” Lexa grinned and nodded in response, throwing the covers off herself. Aden sprang off the bed as his Ma ushered him downstairs. Aden set up the console as Lexa gathered blankets and snacks for the gaming session.

The day was spent happily as the two Woods bonded, Lexa trying to make up for being distant for the week (first due to her dealing with Titus’ shadow and then Maya’s case) by enthusiastically asking about Aden’s week in great deal. Aden rolled his eyes but indulged his mother regardless, he told her about school and his time with Clarke and Lincoln. The mother and son cooked dinner together and Aden brought up something that had been playing on his mind since the fair.

“So, are you going to start dating Clarke, now?”

_Crash!_

Lexa dropped the frying pan that she had been taking out of the cupboard. “What?” She squeaked. Aden giggled at his mother’s reaction, “Clarke… I-... Of course n-... I haven’t really thought… Maybe… I don’t kn-... You always come first… Clarke is… I haven’t really…” Lexa spluttered, her hands flying in random directions.

“Ma!” Aden yelled trying to break Lexa out of her panic.

“Right, yes… ummm…”, Lexa shook her head before coming round the kitchen island and sitting on one of the stools facing Aden. She took a deep breath. _Be honest,_ Lexa reminded herself. “I don’t know, I think I might want to try, though.” Lexa pursed her lips studying her son’s face for a reaction. She hadn’t dated anyone since taking Aden in, so it would be new for her and him.

“That’s great, Ma.” Aden cheered brightly, causing Lexa’s jaw to drop.

“You- you wouldn’t mind…?” Lexa asked confused at how well Aden was reacting.

“Yeah, I like Clarke, she’s cool and she makes you happy. And I know you will always put me first and look after me but I think it’s good to have someone who will do the same for you.” Lexa blinked repeatedly as Aden laid out his thoughts logically and calmly as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

“How did I end up with such a smart and kind son?” Lexa muttered out loud to the universe. Aden merely smirked in response and shrugged with embarrassment. Lexa mussed his hair. “Before anything happens with me and Clarke, I want you to know-”

“I come first, I get it, Ma.” Aden said with a roll of the eyes that Anya would have been proud of.

“Yes that, but also… if you have any questions or concerns or anything… you can always come to me, okay?” Lexa gave him a hard stare to emphasise her point.

“Okay, can I ask you something I’ve been wondering about for a while?” Aden’s lips twisted as he approached the topic.

“Of course.” Lexa assured readily.

“Clarke’s the reason you left town, right? Something happened?” Aden asked meekly; his mother swallowed thickly at the question. Though Aden liked Clarke and she seemed absolutely genuine about liking Lexa, Aden had picked up on an underlying tension between the two and a hesitancy on his Ma’s part even though it was obvious she liked Clarke too.

“Err... yes…”, Lexa hesitated and bit her bottom lip, unsure how much to tell her son. Aden stared back at her with openness and attentiveness, he would take whatever Lexa said to heart. “Clarke…” She sighed, “hurt me…”, Aden’s brow furrowed, “not like that,” Lexa quickly corrected, seeing where Aden’s thoughts were going, “never like that.”

Aden nodded slowly but there was a concern and suspicion there now for the blonde that he had grown fond of. “Aden, listen carefully. Yes, Clarke hurt my feelings ten years ago, she got scared and reacted poorly, but she was seventeen and at a time in her life where she was being confronted with a lot of change and decisions with long term consequences. She panicked when things got serious and ran. I’m not defending what she did, but I don’t think what she did should be held against her for her entire life. It’s been ten years and I think she’s grown up a lot in that time. I can’t be a hundred percent certain - you can’t be a hundred percent certain of anything - but I don’t think she will hurt me like that again.” Lexa said all this softly, but not in a patronising tone, Aden was old enough to listen and form his own opinions.

After a long silence in which Aden’s eyes looked off to the side digesting all the information Lexa had given him he finally nodded to himself and said in a voice that was older than his actual age, “I think you’re right. Clarke doesn’t run when things get serious, she didn’t run when you needed her both times.”

Lexa smiled shyly, “Yeah, you’re right, she didn’t run.”

“Even when you were being mean to her.” Aden said with a shrug and an amused smile as he turned back to the vegetables he had been peeling.

Lexa blushed, “You heard that, huh?”

“Yup.” Aden said with a pop. “I still want to give her the _talk,_ though.” Aden tried to say the last part with as serious a tone as he could muster.

Lexa suppressed a chuckle, as she got up to retrieve her fallen frying pan, “The _talk_?” Lexa inquired with amusement.

“Yeah, the ‘don’t hurt her or I’ll hurt you’ talk.” Aden narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips trying to appear macho and intimidating; this time Lexa couldn’t stifle the giggles at her adorable son. Aden huffed muttering, “Anya’s planning on giving the talk as well.” That stopped Lexa’s laughter dead, her eyes widening in shock.

“She’s what?!” Lexa yelled.

Aden instantly looked guilty for revealing his aunt’s intention, he shrugged helplessly as Lexa pulled out her phone planning to thoroughly discourage Anya’s plans.

* * *

“So you’re going to be here… in Skyark, next weekend?” Raven said dumbly, teasing out the words, and then proceeding to gulp surreptitiously when Anya on the screen of her laptop slowly arched one eyebrow and gave her a dangerous smirk.

“I believe that’s exactly what I just said.” Anya coyly responded. “Lincoln’s bar is opening this Friday, I promised to be there, and I’m sure I can find something to… occupy my time for the rest of the weekend.” Anya leaned forward towards the camera, her hazel eyes glittering as they took up most of Raven’s view. “I’ve also been thinking that I could do with a date for the bar opening, someone to keep me company for the evening… I don’t know many of the locals…” Anya trailed off, purposefully being suggestive (so far her blatant flirting had somehow managed to bypass Raven completely).

“Oh… well, you don’t need to worry about that.” Raven positively beamed, completely oblivious to what Anya was getting at, “Everyone in Skyark is really friendly, and Lexa and Clarke will be there so you’ll have plenty of company.”

Anya had to force down the growl of frustration that built in her chest and threatened to break free and resist the even bigger desire to bang her head on the table in front of her.

After Raven had fixed her car (Anya thoroughly enjoying watching Raven bent over the hood), she had written her number on a scrap of paper, stepped into Raven’s personal space and slipped the paper into the front chest pocket of her oil stained overalls. They had begun texting back and forth immediately, they had a similar sense of humour and both had a genuine interest in sport (they did clash often on the teams they supported).

Reopening Nia’s case had meant trawling through old case files, reliving it all, and Anya had been struggling under the weight of the past and the guilt that went with it. Lexa had assured her that there was nothing she could’ve done countless times, the guilt, however, was always there, her constant shadow and companion whenever she remembered Nia.

Anya had wanted to tell Lexa the second she had been given the go ahead to reopen the case, but she was wary of the fact that Nia was a wound for Lexa the same way it was for her, and Lexa had an even deeper wound that she was still recovering from. She should never have brought **him** up, it was the wrong thing to say, it was cruel and thoughtless. The second his name had fallen from her lips she had seen the absolute devastation and fury on Lexa’s face. Anya would have given everything she owned to rewind time just a couple of seconds to take it back. Regardless, the damage had been done and she was forced to face the fallout.

Anya apologised before she left but received radio silence from Lexa for a couple of days. When Lexa finally did call, she was distant and was obviously still in emotional turmoil; Aden had been messaging to say Lexa was quiet and, though he didn’t say it, he was worried. Anya was nearing the stage where she was going to start packing her bags and drive back to the small town and try to help her friend when her phone started buzzing repeatedly courtesy of Aden and Lexa.

The Woods family spammed her phone with smiling photos of themselves at the fair. Lexa was back to her normal self ( _scratch that, she was happier than her normal self_ ), sending snarky jokes and quips to her friend alongside long gushing texts about Aden. When Aden told her it was Clarke that had brought Lexa back from her darkness, Anya had decided that when she did the _talk_ she would be very generous and not do it whilst holding a loaded gun (which for Anya was a big deal, and showed her growing affection for the blonde’s actions). Then Lincoln had informed her of the case that had landed at Lexa’s feet; Anya had insisted on regular updates on Lexa and Aden, and hadn’t fully relaxed until she received Lincoln’s text showing Lexa home and safely ensconced in bed.

Anya had been going through a lot this week, and the only thing that consistently put a smile on her face was Raven; every buzz of her phone sent a thrill through her and a pre-emptive smile sprung onto her face whenever she saw Raven’s name. They had skyped every other night since she had left; quickly becoming firm friends. Anya, from the second she had laid eyes on the cocky yet awkward mechanic had wanted to be more than friends.

It wasn’t until the picnic, where her surrogate family had commented on her uncharacteristic warmth towards Raven that Anya realised how much she wanted a relationship with her and how terrifying that was. Anya had wanted to get advice from Lexa all week but that wasn’t an option with Lexa dealing with her demons (Anya kicked herself again for reminding Lexa of them). This resulted in Anya having to handle her sudden case of ‘the feelings’ by herself. So, Anya responded to this acknowledgement of ‘feelings’ (Anya was insistent on using air quotes to prevent ‘feelings’ from becoming something more definite) the only way she knew how, she flirted and acted coyly (her subtlety disappearing as Raven stayed oblivious), but not once did she come out and state her interest outright. Anya was an open coward when it came to her ‘feelings’.

 _Man up, girl_ , Anya screamed at herself as Raven continued to reassure her about the friendliness of the town, and even suggested a few locals Anya would get along well with. “Raven.” Anya snapped causing Raven to abruptly stop selling the town halfway through how the coffee at ‘The Hub’ wasn’t as bad as it looked. Anya exhaled slowly.

_You can do this, just ask her to be your date for the bar opening._

_You have taken down hardened criminals._

_You have been shot… twice...  okay... admittedly... they were merely bullet grazes on the arm and leg… but it still counts!_

_You can ask out a pretty girl._

_Who has an amazing smile._

_Who can always make you laugh._

_Who seems to be a genuinely nice human being whilst also being incredibly sexy._

_Shit… bring on the criminals instead._

“I… umm… meant that I would like you to be-”, Anya slowly growled out as she pushed through her nervousness, Raven listening carefully with wide eyes.

“Reyes! I’m home!” A disembodied voice shouted out from somewhere inside Raven’s apartment.

_Fuck it, Clarke isn’t getting a loaded gun, she’s getting a bloody grenade launcher for the shovel talk._

“Hey Griff!” Raven swivelled in her chair to look away to (what Anya assumed was) the doorway. This time Anya did bang her head on the table as Raven greeted her best friend.

“Hey Anya!” Clarke suddenly appeared in shot leaning over the mechanic. Anya’s head snapped up from the table and she plastered on a smile which was more of a grimace (and therefore didn’t seem too out of place on Anya’s face).

“Clarke.” Anya acknowledged curtly. Clarke’s eyes brightened at being greeted by the hardened agent. Anya swallowed her pride and gritted her teeth as she said, “Thank you for… being there for Lexa and Aden.” Anya paled at the nice words and felt nauseous at revealing her appreciation. The only person Anya felt truly comfortable talking like that to was Aden, even with Lexa her true feelings were normally hidden beneath curt nods and disparaging comments. 

Clarke blushed and grinned widely, she was fully aware, thanks to Lexa and Aden, how big of a deal Anya’s words were. The small smile of gratitude and pride on Raven’s face, though, shined far brighter than Clarke’s wide smile in Anya’s eyes.

“Always.” Clarke asserted.

_Okay, maybe I won’t bring a grenade launcher._

“How was she last night?” Anya asked with a raised eyebrow, her hazel eyes glazing with concern for a second.

“Err…” Clarke hesitated, not quite sure if it would be betraying Lexa’s trust by commenting, “The case hit her hard, but she recovered quickly. She was exhausted more than anything.”

Anya nodded and opened her mouth to say more when she felt her phone begin to buzz incessantly. “Speak of the devil.” Anya remarked as she saw Lexa’s name. Anya shot Raven an apologetic look, about to cut their conversation short, Raven gave her an understanding one in return as she said goodbye.

Anya ended the skype session and was about to pick up Lexa’s call when a text from Aden came through.

_Shit, the gremlin’s dobbed me in! And he has the cheek to ask for my football jersey when his mother kills me!_

“Hi Lexa-” Anya was quickly cut off by the beginning of an outraged rant from her best friend. Though, she was getting a dressing down from Lexa, there was a small smile playing at Anya’s lips. It was incredible to hear her friend back to her normal self and free of her sorrow, and she knew once Lexa had gotten it all out of her system, the two friends would talk about everything. Anya could see for herself that Lexa was doing better and she would also, finally, be able to get some advice about Raven.

* * *

“How are you doing?” Raven asked as she shut down her laptop.

“Tired, but good.” Clarke answered as she plonked herself down on the sofa, Raven was sat at the dining table nearby which was rarely used to eat food at and more often was were both girls sat and completed their paperwork.

“Any news from Dante?”

“Eh… an email saying he was going to be out of the office for a couple of weeks. I think his sister and her family are coming down to stay with him and help out so he’s not alone.” Clarke flung her head back as her mind whirled with worry for her business partner and mentor. His son was getting what he deserved, but Dante had always been a good man his only failing being his blind spot for his son. His message gave no clear date for when he intended to return to work, Clarke got the impression that the practice would be hers soon. The thought gave her no pleasure.

Raven sighed as she got up and stretched, before flopping down next to Clarke and swinging her legs up into her blonde friend’s lap. “Anything else to report?”

“Well…”, Clarke bit her lip and glanced over at her friend who gave her a curious look. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you last night but when Lexa came home from work, after I watched over Aden…”

“Yeah…?” Raven had received updates about Clarke’s outing with the Wood’s family and knew she had stayed to watch over Aden when Lexa had been pulled into work. When Clarke had gotten home last night, she had given Raven a brief rundown of her day but the missing person’s case dominated their conversation, and then Lincoln had called.

“She may have said or… implied… that maybe… she might be interested in… uh… revisiting the idea of a relationship…”, Clarke turned a blistering shade of red as she coughed out the words.

Raven lit up like Vegas at night, “That’s incredible, Clarke!” Clarke grinned and ducked her head. “I’m so happy for you!” Raven looked like she was about to breakout into a dance causing Clarke to shake her head in exasperation.

“Slow down, Reyes.” Clarke gripped her friend’s legs restraining her seated happy jig. “She said she wanted to revisit it, she didn’t say anything for definite.” Clarke was repeating everything her mind had been telling her once she had left Lexa that first morning, _rein in your hope._

“Alright, but still… she’s open to it now. There’s a chance, Clarke. And that’s a big deal, you should be happy.” Raven argued, trying to bolster her friend’s fledgling confidence.

“A chance.” Clarke repeated emphasising the uncertainty related to that term.

Raven shrugged, she wasn’t going to promise that everything would turn out alright, Clarke wouldn’t appreciate it, even though Raven had a gut instinct that it would. “You need to talk to Lexa.” It was the only clear advice that she could give to her friend at this time.

“I know. But with everything going on… it’s probably not the best time to bring it up.” Raven sucked in a breath slowly and it was clear she was building up to something that Clarke could take a good guess at, “I’m not panicking about it or trying to avoid it, I swear.” Clarke held up a hand stopping Raven from speaking and at Clarke’s confident tone, Raven let out the breath she had took in. “You didn’t see her last night, Raven. I don’t want to add to her worries right now, she needs time.” Raven scrutinised Clarke, easily finding the sincerity to back-up Clarke’s words. “I am not giving up, not on her, not ever.” Clarke declared determinedly.

"Good. If you need any help...", Raven began to offer.

“Thanks, Raven.” Clarke’s eyes crinkled with fondness for her best friend. “Same goes for you, you know.” Clarke patted her friend’s leg affectionately, and almost missed the look of absolute confusion furrowing the mechanic’s brow.

“What do you mean?” Raven exclaimed.

Clarke tilted her head, in equal mystification, “Uh… you know… if you need help with Anya.”

“Anya?!” Raven yelled in shock causing Clarke to blink rapidly.

“Err… yes. Anya, the FBI agent? You guys have been flirting all week?” Clarke supplied trying to bring Raven onto the same page.

Raven snorted, “We have _not_ been flirting.”

“Uh, yes, you have.” Clarke could not comprehend that Raven could be that oblivious. “You showed me some of the texts she sent you, and I hear you guys-” Raven’s jaw dropped and she was about to make a comment on the need for privacy so Clarke quickly cut her off, “This apartment has very thin walls and you have one of the loudest and most obnoxious laughs ever.” Raven pouted at that. “So you can say that you haven’t been flirting all you want but Anya definitely has been.”

“No she hasn’t… she hasn’t.” Raven tried weakly to argue, but her eyes were glazing over as she rewound through all of her conversations and interactions with Anya.

“Yes, she has. And she’s been getting less and less subtle.” Clarke watched Raven as realisation slowly ( _snails could crawl across the country faster than this)_ dawned. “You seriously, didn’t know she was hitting on you?” Clarke asked in full disbelief.

“No!” Raven shouted, “Why would I think the hot FBI agent that looks like a frickin supermodel be hitting on me? A greasy mechanic?” Raven stared into space as she tried to work out what Anya could see in her. “I figured she was just naturally flirty with everyone. I thought that was how Anya spoke to all her friends.”

“Raven…” Clarke’s voice throbbed with sympathy and love. _How could Raven not see how amazing she was?_ “From what I’ve heard of Anya from Aden and Lexa, her natural tone to people is a step down from openly hostile. If she’s flirting I get the impression it means she really likes you and if that’s the case she is one of the most intelligent people employed by the government.” Raven sucked in her bottom lip and chewed it nervously. “Raven, you are an amazing person, you’re smart, funny, generous and hot as hell.” That got a shy smile out of Raven.

“Thanks, Clarke, but you’re not my type.”

Clarke exaggeratedly clutched the area over her heart and groaned, “You’re such a heartbreaker, Reyes.” Raven chuckled and then her face froze and she looked terrified.

“Shit!” Raven jumped to her feet and started pacing. “Shit, shit, shit, shitting shit!”

“What? What is it?” Clarke demanded with a concerned tone as she shifted forward so she was on the edge of her seat, eyes following her frantic friend.

“Damn it!” Raven slapped her forehead in dismay. “She asked me out, and I didn’t even notice!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Clarke asked her worry being replaced with poorly suppressed laughter.

“To Lincoln’s bar opening, she kind of implied I should be her date.” Raven came to a stop in front of the coffee table and rubbed the back of her neck.

“And what did you say?”

“I pretty much told her that there were plenty of nice people in the town…”, Raven replied weakly.

“So in other words you turned her down and more or less suggested she try someone else?”

“Yep.”

“Well, shit.”

“Yep.” 

* * *

It had been a long week, so Aden indulged his mother and let her tuck him in for the night.

“I love you, Ma.” Aden said as Lexa pulled the duvet up to his neck and then swept his blonde locks off his forehead.

“I love you too, sweetie.” She whispered back to him, her green eyes glowing with affection. “Sleep well, first game of the season tomorrow.” Aden grinned at the reminder.

“Anya wants score updates and if possible for you to facetime her when I’m up to bat.”

“I remember, your aunt wouldn’t let me forget.” Lexa leaned forward and placed a kiss on her son’s temple before she got up from off the edge of the bed and moved to turn off the light. Once she was clear of his room, Lexa allowed herself an early night and time to relax and work through the events of the week.

Talking to Anya earlier had been enjoyable; the two best friends had apologised for their argument and the awkwardness of last weekend. They both apologised, Anya for bringing **him** into the argument, and Lexa for not being supportive of Anya’s case investigating Nia. Lexa made Anya promise to phone her regularly so that she wouldn’t worry, if she didn’t she would sic Aden on her which had Anya readily agreeing to stay in contact.

Lexa especially loved hearing her normally stand-offish friend gush about Raven. Lexa had advised her to be upfront about her interest, which Anya didn’t seem keen to do, she had even bigger fears of rejection than Lexa (her reason for those fears was understandable) so Lexa suggested that she dress up for the bar opening and get Raven’s attention that way. That had gotten an evil chuckle from Anya and they had shifted to skype so that Anya could put on an impromptu fashion show. Aden had helped at first, but Lexa had sent him out as Anya’s dresses became shorter and more revealing. Anya finally settled on a purple cocktail dress that highlighted her toned legs and ass.

Anya offered to help Lexa pick out her own dress to impress a certain sky blue-eyed beauty, Lexa had merely rolled her eyes at that, which led to Anya repeating the advice Lexa had given her at the beginning of the night. Be upfront and talk to Clarke. Lexa, was receptive to the advice, and promised Anya that she would talk to Clarke at some point this week; she would have invited her over tomorrow, but she didn’t want to dominate Clarke’s time as much as she had done already. Anya had huffed at that and said that from what she had heard of Clarke from Raven, there was no chance in hell Clarke would get sick or bored of seeing Lexa, that had Lexa smiling for the rest of the night.

As Lexa settled into bed, she forced herself to think over what she wanted to say to Clarke. _Was she really ready to start a relationship… let alone a relationship with Clarke?_ Thoughts of Clarke, however, merely broadened the smile she already had on her face… _well, that answers that question._

* * *

 

“Alright, have fun, sweetie.” Lexa squeezed her son’s shoulder before he ran off to join Charlotte in the dugout. Lexa swung her backpack over her shoulder and headed towards the bleachers when a blonde figure already sat there waved at her. “Clarke?” Lexa greeted, surprised at the blonde’s presence, Raven was sat next to her.

“Hey. I hope this is okay?” Clarke asked sheepishly, noticing Lexa’s surprise. “I promised Aden I would come to his games if I could.” Lexa’s eyes glazed over as she remembered Aden asking Clarke to come when they were helping Lincoln. “Raven came as well, she promised to take notes for Anya…” Clarke had begun to fidget as she started to re-think her decision of attending.

“Clarke.” Lexa said drawing Clarke’s attention. “Of course, you being here is alright. Aden will be over the moon that you came.” Lexa could feel herself practically swooning at the blonde’s thoughtfulness and commitment to Aden. Lexa wasn’t going to deny that the fastest way to her heart was through her son. Lexa blushed as she continued, “It means a lot to me too.”

Clarke beamed and shuffled up the bench, pushing Raven along, so that there was room for Lexa to sit next to her. The three girls chatted away as they waited for the game to start. Aden waved at the three of them at one point, his grin growing even wider when he saw Clarke had attended as she had promised.

The game started, Aden placed on second base. Anya got bored of the text updates pretty quickly, leading to the three girls having to alternate holding up Lexa’s phone that Anya was facetiming on so she could watch the game live (Raven taking responsibility for Anya more than anyone else). Lincoln appeared after the first inning, he apologised for being late having overslept. Aden had probably the loudest supporters out of all the other kids and he blushed with embarrassment and pride each time it was his turn to bat.

Charlotte was by far the best player on the field, she hit a triple and two doubles, and had some impressive catches out in the field. Lexa cheered for the girl just as loudly as she did for Aden, knowing Aden would want his best friend to feel supported, it reminded her of how Clarke’s parents had been one of the biggest sources of encouragement for her when she was younger.

Aden’s team won in a landslide victory; Lincoln raced over to lift Aden up and swung him round like helicopter blades, which resulted in the rest of the team clamouring for a go as well. Lexa gave her son a huge hug and ruffled his hair, she high-fived Charlotte and complimented her on her game. Clarke received a hug off Aden as well, much to her surprise and delight. Raven and Anya then stole the two kids away to provide in-depth technical advice, leaving Clarke and Lexa standing on the side-lines as the children and parents milled around after the game, Lincoln well in demand (by the kids and single mothers).

“Thank you, Clarke, for being here.” Lexa said as she leaned against the chain link fence surrounding the baseball field, Clarke a couple of feet in front of her shifting from foot to foot, giving her a shy smile.

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” Clarke replied with total honesty, her blue eyes sparkling like sapphires. Lexa ducked her head, as she felt that bubble of emotion rise in her the same way it did every time Clarke stated how much she liked being around Lexa and Aden with such sincerity.

 _Be upfront and honest._ “Clarke-”

“Lexa-”

They both spoke at the same time, and both broke off with an awkward chuckle, also at the same time. “You go first.” Lexa insisted. Clarke bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath.

“I know you have a lot going on right now but… I was just wondering… if you meant what you said…” Clarke swallowed as Lexa arched an eyebrow, “when you said… that you wanted to... revisit… things…” Clarke trailed off into dumb silence wincing at her own words.

Lexa repressed her smirk at Clarke’s fumbling sentence, “I meant it.” Lexa breathed out; Clarke reacted immediately, her eyes widening and her breath catching. “I want to take things slowly… I’m not ready for…” Lexa hesitated, she wasn’t sure how to word what she meant. Lexa hadn’t been on a date in nearly three years, hadn’t been with anyone in nearly two.

“Slow is perfect.” Clarke stated definitively, she had stopped fidgeting and was standing up tall. It was as if Clarke and Lexa had switched emotions, Lexa was now nervous and Clarke confident. “Actually, I was planning on wooing you before asking you on a date.” Clarke said with a broad grin and eyes fixed solely on Lexa’s. 

This time Lexa actually swooned, her knees shaking just for a second as she struggled to maintain her balance. Her heart soared, raced and skipped simultaneously. “What does being wooed by Clarke Griffin look like?” Lexa asked with amusement as she tried to regain control of her body.

Clarke’s brow furrowed and she pursed her lips, pretending to appear deep in thought, “I have no idea.” Clarke answered as she nodded her head acting if she had answered a complex equation. “I’ve never wooed anyone before.”

Lexa’s mouth opened in surprise and she swallowed thickly, “Wow, you know how to make a girl feel special.”

Clarke stared at Lexa, her face morphing from joking to serious in a heartbeat, “You are special.” Clarke affirmed.


	12. Making Plans

“C’mon guys I need help! Didn’t you all promise to help?” Clarke gesticulated wildly as she paced in front of the three blank looking faces sat on the sofa.

“Flowers!” Jake yelled out in a panic. Abby and Raven, who were sat on either side of Jake, groaned at the outburst.

“Good start. I’d already said that but at least you’re trying.” Clarke commended her father who nodded dumbly in response.

“Anya says Lexa likes candles.” Raven suggested.

“Bouquet of candles!” Jake shouted as if he was calling out the answer to win big on a quiz show. Abby dutifully whacked her husband’s arm and whispered ‘shut up’.

“Thanks, Dad.” Clarke muttered with a roll of her eyes. “Seriously, I really need help with this.” Clarke sank onto the coffee table opposite her family, with a pleading look in her eyes.

Clarke’s family fell silent, each in deep thought: Jake stroking his chin, Abby pursing her lips and Raven tapping her fingers in an irritating rhythm on the sofa’s arm.

A long time passed until finally Raven looked up and said with a straight and serious expression, “I’ve got nothing.”

“Me too.”

“Me three.” Clarke’s parents chimed as well.

“Damn it!” Clarke leapt to her feet, “That’s it! None us of are leaving this living room until we have come up with a plan to romance Lexa.” Clarke banged a fist against her palm to highlight her steadfastness.

“Not even for the toilet?” Raven asked weakly as she raised one hand in question.

“Not even then!”

* * *

Lexa had been giddy and hyper for the rest of Sunday, even Aden, a ten year old hyped up on sugar after celebrating his sweet victory couldn’t keep up with her energy level. Clarke’s declaration of intent to woo Lexa played on repeat constantly and her body jittered and trembled every time her mind replayed ‘you are special’.

Those three words made her feel like she was soaring.

After the game and once Aden’s gaggle of supporters went their separate ways, Lexa took Aden and Charlotte (after talking to her parents, who said it was okay and that they would pick her up from Lexa’s later) for lunch and sundaes at ‘The Hub’. Lexa happily listened to the two kids relive the entire game and discuss (with serious expressions that were adorable) Raven and Anya’s tips and pointers. As soon as they were finished, Lexa took them back to the park so that they could work off their sugar high, all three of them descended into a highly competitive game of tag that Lexa felt absolutely no shame in dominating the children at.

Lexa loved every second of it but she couldn’t help thinking how having Clarke there as well would have made her love it even more.

When they got home, Lexa allowed Aden time alone with Charlotte in the living room to play a videogame, she went upstairs to work out and burn off her own energy. She pulled out the body punch bag from her closet and got to work. She used to go out running quite regularly but once she took in Aden it was hard to find a babysitter (also she didn’t like the idea of leaving Aden with anyone else) so she could keep up her running and gym schedule. Anya and Lincoln though had helped her figure out an exercise regime she could do at home and they had jointly bought her ‘Bob’ the punching bag last Christmas.

Once she had showered, Lexa returned downstairs and made the kids sandwiches as they had already had a large meal for lunch. Lexa took time to get to know Charlotte, trying to channel how Clarke’s parents treated her when she was younger. By the time Charlotte’s parents came to collect her, the young girl seemed to have warmed considerably to Lexa, idolising her a little due to her position as Sheriff. Aden beamed at his Ma in gratitude for making Charlotte feel welcome and thanked her for inviting his friend over; Lexa hugged him close and told him his friends are always welcome.

Lexa felt a twinge of sadness and regret for not reaching out to Jake and Abby over the ten years; they had always been kind to her and had been invested in her future as much as they were in Clarke’s, they had been surrogate parents for her and she had cut them out of her life. She realised how hurt she would be if years down the line Charlotte did the same thing to her if she and Aden were still best friends. Lexa promised herself she would reach out to the elder Griffins in the coming week, _I hope I haven’t burnt that bridge… like I nearly burnt their house,_ her mind added the last bit on the end in a not so subtle dig.

Lexa still felt giddy with happiness when she curled up in bed later, and for once in a long time she fell asleep not even remotely apprehensive of the dreams that awaited her. The memory of Clarke’s words and smile would ward off any nightmares that might try to prey on her tonight.

_I probably should have been more apprehensive about dreaming._

Lexa woke up shifting uncomfortably; her skin was flushed and there was a dull ache in her lower body that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Her pyjamas had ridden up and her hands had been laying claim to the exposed skin pretending to belong to someone else. Lexa rolled out of her bed with a groan and was thankful to find she had enough time to shower and alleviate the tightness in her lower abdomen.

Her dreams had been consumed by sky blue eyes.

She was back at the Griffin’s house standing by the pool, no one else around, she was staring at wet blonde hair that belonged to a gorgeous and limber body clad in a bikini that only became visible as Clarke lifted herself out of the pool. Clarke’s eyes sparkled as the water dripped temptingly down her nearly fully exposed skin, just asking for Lexa to lick the droplets off her, and then Clarke leant forward and whispered in her ear in a hot, sultry voice, ‘Let me show you how special you are.’ Clarke pulled back impossibly slowly, her breath leaving a trail of goosebumps over Lexa’s skin. She then dipped her head down to place slow kisses to Lexa’s neck and jaw as Clarke’s hands reached for her hips and slowly dipped beneath Lexa’s waist ban-

“Ma, are you coming?!” Aden yelled from downstairs, clearly waiting for her to join him for breakfast.

 _Yes, I was!_ Lexa’s mind screeched as she snapped the shower off with pent up frustration.

“Be there in a second!” Lexa shouted back, thumping her head against the shower tiles. She dressed quickly, hopping into her boots as she rushed downstairs, she had lost track of all time. Aden, realising his mother was running late, had buttered up some toast already for her. Lexa kissed the crown of his head in thanks as she made a to-go cup of coffee and inhaled the toast. Once the coffee was ready she was ushering Aden out the door for school having to stop when she reminded him that he needed his artwork to show Mr. Blake.

It seemed the day started as it meant to go on. First, she was running late which added to her already present frustration but when she got to work, Vera was waiting for her with a grim expression. _Dear god, if it’s ruffled Vera it must be bad._

“Vera, please tell me that your frown is because you have completed all the puzzle books in the station?” Lexa inquired with false optimism.

“’Fraid not, Sheriff.” Vera sighed.

“The coffee machine is broken?”

Vera shook her head, and looked at her with resignation.

“Emerson found the secret candy stash in my office and ate it all?” Lexa asked with a look of horror.

“No…” Vera eyed her warily. “You have a secret candy stash?” She whispered flicking her eyes around to make sure no one was listening in.

“Yes, and you can have access to it if the stooges and Aden never find out.” Lexa whispered holding a hand out for Vera to shake and make their agreement final. Emerson, who was sat on the other side of the bullpen and out of hearing range, watched them suspiciously as from his angle it looked like were performing some sort of secret drug deal (or at least he hoped they were as it would make the Sheriff’s position available again). Lexa gave Vera a small smile before doing her well-recognised transformation into her professional Sheriff persona. Neutral expression, pursed lips and cold eyes. “Alright Vera, lay it on me,” she ordered.

Vera exhaled slowly returning to the seat at her desk, “Do you want the bad news, the really bad news or the truly terrible news?”

“What?!” Lexa squeaked losing her cool ever so slightly.

“All things come in threes.” Vera answered with a shrug, as if she was stating a well-known fact of the universe.

Lexa puffed out a breath, “Whatever order works best.”

Vera nodded, “Miller has called in sick, doesn’t know when he’ll be back, he’s not coping well.” _Shit, I should have checked up on him over the weekend. Fuck._

“Right. I’ll handle it.” Lexa assured, a steel glint of protectiveness for her deputy gleaming in her eye. “What else?”

“The local newspaper ran a story on Maya’s case and the county news stations picked it up. They’ve been phoning non-stop for information and a comment.” Vera sagged in her chair, eyeing the phone next to her which Lexa now noticed was on silent and there was red lights flashing, nearly all the lines occupied. “They tried to phone the emergency number but I quickly discouraged that but they are tying up the station’s local phone pretty badly.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched. She had always appreciated the importance and the value of the news but she hated when her cases came on their radar. They were hard to deal with, every word she spoke would be appraised and spun and twisted; she also hated the scrutiny on a personal level. “Thank you, Vera. Good work making sure they stay off the emergency line. Tell the stooges-” Lexa caught herself, surprised at how quickly Vera had influenced her language choices, “err… deputies”, Vera smirked at her for that, “not to speak to any reporters. We need to get in touch with town hall and the mayor-”

Vera cleared her throat and interrupted Lexa’s spiel, “That brings us onto the final news. Mayor Jackson is waiting for you in your office.”

_Well, fuck…_

“Wonderful.” Lexa forced an air of confidence and ease, “That makes things simpler.” Vera raised an eyebrow easily seeing through Lexa’s bullshit composure. “Thank you, Vera.” Lexa took a deep breath before striding towards her office awaiting the ‘political shit-storm’ that Indra was likely to try and drag her into.

* * *

The meeting with Indra wasn’t as painful as Lexa thought it would be (that’s not really saying much as she expected it to be physically painful and it was only just short of that). Indra was supportive of Lexa’s work but admonished her harshly for not keeping town hall in on the details of the case as it developed. Lexa held firm against that, she wanted and intended to set a strong divide between the Sheriff department and politics.

 _If Indra wanted someone to politicise the sheriff’s job she could have promoted Emerson,_ and Lexa told her as such. Lexa did relent and apologise for letting the mayor get blindsided with the case which appeased the mayor and resulted in Indra backtracking on her own earlier statements. Indra didn’t want to impede the course of justice by forcing Lexa to deal with people manipulating her for personal and professional gain.

By the end of their meeting they had developed a begrudging respect and camaraderie for each other that had been hard fought for as they hashed out their issues and made a plan to deal with the reporters. Indra promised to keep them off Lexa’s back, if Lexa provided her a statement summing up the case and its resolution, and ensured that her deputies didn’t provide reporters with any additional comments. Lexa insisted that Maya’s parents be left alone, which Indra readily agreed to. Lexa got Vera to radio Echo who was out on patrol to change her route to include the Vie’s road and keep a lookout for reporters.

With the mayor sorted and the reporters dealt with as much as possible: Lexa, finally, allowed herself to catch her breath. She sank into her desk chair and stole a chocolate bar from her hidden stash. _I missed lunch again._

_It doesn’t matter… I need to deal with Miller next, he’s the priority now._

Lexa was munching through her chocolate bar trying to come up with the best approach to dealing with Miller. He was a good deputy, but easily emotionally invested hence why the case had hit him hard. He had seemed composed for the entirety of it so Lexa didn’t realise he was struggling until after they had notified Maya’s parents. Lexa had dropped him off at his parents’ house thinking time and familial support would help. _Damn it, I should have checked on him,_ Lexa berated herself; she hated the idea that she hadn’t been supportive of her deputy. She took a harsh bite out of the chocolate, when there was a knock on her office door.

“Hi.” Clarke stood in the doorway looking as nervous as she did the first time she had turned up at Lexa’s office to bring her lunch. She was dressed in a stunning, professional, dark blue dress that made her eyes stand out even more than usual, she had small heeled shoes on that meant Lexa would be the same height as her in her flat boots. Clarke had her white coat hung over one arm, a black bag resting on her shoulder and a plastic bag of food in her other hand.

Lexa gulped, as she appreciated how the fantasy she had this morning didn’t hold a candle to the real and imperfectly perfect version in front of her now. “Hi”, Lexa replied her voice breaking slightly, she coughed and continued with a much clearer tone, “What can I do for you, Doctor?”

_Shit, that came out way flirtier than I intended. Pull it back a bit, Woods._

Her mind drifted to the many dirty things she could do for Clarke if she asked. _What the fuck is wrong with you?_ Her heart and mind screamed over the images.

Lexa’s libido merely shrugged and reminded her body, _It’s been a while, alright? Let me have my fantasies, I don’t need to act on them._

“Well.... see the thing is…”, Clarke took a shy step into the office, her lips twisting into a shy smile, “I promised I would woo you…” Clarke squinted at Lexa as if checking that Lexa remembered what she said.

_Remember? How the hell could you think I would forget?_

“I’m aware.” Lexa acknowledged her voice holding a confidence and swagger she herself did not feel.

“Right.” Clarke inhaled a deep breath before moving so she could place the bag of food onto the table in front of her. “I would have brought flowers, but I think you would appreciate greasy food far more.”

Lexa leant forward and instantly grabbed the bag of food with glee. “That would be correct.” She shot Clarke a thankful smile that turned bashful when her stomach rumbled noisily; Clarke finally gave her a wide grin and looked pleased when Lexa instantly started digging in. “How did you know I didn’t have lunch this time? Murphy’s not here to spy.” Lexa asked after swallowing a mouthful of food. Murphy was on nights this week so couldn’t have been Clarke’s informant.

Clarke looked affronted, “I have numerous spies, Sheriff. They tell me everything.” Clarke smirked proud of herself as she stole a container of food for herself to snack on. Lexa squinted at her suspiciously as she slowly chewed her food.

“How did you buy, Vera?” Lexa finally inquired.

Clarke scrunched up her nose (which Lexa found to be unbelievably endearing) with displeasure that Lexa had figured her out so quickly. “I promised to replenish her puzzle book supply indefinitely.” Lexa chuckled as Clarke huffed. “She struck a hard bargain but I got what I wanted.” Clarke said as she gave Lexa that fixed stare she was quickly becoming familiar with. Whenever Clarke’s gaze fixed on her like that, it was almost immediately followed by Lexa’s breath being stolen, her heart rate increased pre-emptively and her breath caught in her throat.

_Dear god, I’m going to become Pavlov’s dog. Clarke so much as looks at me like that and I will automatically turn into an actual puddle of mush._

“And what’s that?” Lexa prompted, her mouth going instantly dry as Clarke gave her a smirk.

“To see you.”

_Mayor Jackson is going to have to find a new Sheriff as her current one has appeared to have spontaneously melted into an as of yet unidentified liquid._

Lexa blushed a bright red and her mouth moved but no sound came out. Clarke saw how flustered she was and kindly changed the topic, asking about her day which allowed Lexa to vent. Lexa asked for advice on what Clarke thought she should do with regards to Miller. Clarke went silent and thought it through before suggesting that Miller might benefit from counselling, she could recommend someone at the local hospital for him to talk to. Lexa asked her to write down the information and she would pass it along. Lexa then asked how the practice and Clarke were coping without Dante. Clarke looked tired and drained once she was reminded of her own work. Lexa listened as Clarke vented in return, and Lexa offered support and suggestions where she could.

It was as they were clearing up that Lexa was struck with the realisation that she and Clarke had already developed a strong friendship. They already had a good foundation between them if (or more likely when) they started a relationship.

They listened to each other and gave each other support. They were interested and invested in each other’s day to day routines and long terms goals. Clarke had been a safe haven for Lexa when she needed one, she had lightened Lexa’s burdens and Clarke was just as invested in Aden and his happiness as she was in Lexa’s. In turn, Lexa had allowed Clarke to be a part of her life, she hadn’t held the past against her and was open and honest at every turn when most people wouldn’t have been as quick to let Clarke in.

There was a level of trust between them now. It may be tentative in some aspects but it had been earnt and both girls were fighting hard to protect it and let it grow.

“By the way I hope you know this isn’t even the start of the wooing. I have big plans.” Clarke revealed with a cocky smirk.

Lexa arched an eyebrow, “Really?” Clarke gave a definitive nod as she threw the last of their rubbish into the bin and then came to stand in front of Lexa who was leaning against the edge of her wooden desk. “Should I be worried? I remember your schemes always used to toe the line of the law.”

“Hmmm…” Clarke tapped her chin thoughtfully, “I think you’ll have to wait and see…”, Clarke paused as her eyes flicked over Lexa’s face assessing her mood before saying whatever it was she was about to say; she pursed her lips and decided to risk it, “Worst comes to worst, at least you’ll get to put me in handcuffs”, Clarke slowly bit into her bottom lip.

_ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!_

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

GAY MELTDOWN IMMINENT!

Lexa swallowed, her mouth drier than the Sahara desert and her eyes wide with shock and desire.

_Say something! Anything!_

“Err… cool.” Lexa spluttered and awkwardly nodded.

_Scratch that… say nothing! Keep your mouth closed for the foreseeable future._

Clarke grinned devilishly, beyond smug of the reaction that she had caused in Lexa. She leaned forward slowly and placed a light kiss on Lexa’s cheek. “Goodbye, Sheriff.” The blonde whispered in her ear, resulting in a poorly suppressed shiver running down the length of Lexa’s body.

“Goodbye, Doctor.” Lexa whispered in return as Clarke pulled back and sauntered out of her office leaving Lexa to recover her breath.

* * *

_Deep breaths, Clarke. Wait until you have at least turned the corner._

The second Clarke was back in her office, she couldn’t hold off doing a celebratory dance. Lunch with Lexa had gone far better than she could have hoped, the main aim had been to merely spend time with Lexa and reassure her that she was committed to taking it slow and as such things hadn’t changed between them. That plan had fallen apart when she had realised how adorably flustered the normally cool and collected Sheriff got at a bit of light flirting. It was, also, the first clear sign that Lexa was attracted to her. Clarke had noticed Lexa be affectionate to her and she had said she still loved her but now she saw that Lexa was _interested_ in her and that was having a big effect on Clarke. By her final appointment her face was starting to hurt from how much she was smiling.

Clarke was finishing up her notes on her last patient when Eric Jackson (no relation to the Mayor) the practice’s nurse and receptionist knocked, and stuck his head through her door when Clarke yelled for him to come in. “Hey, Doc?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Eric? After the last appointment you can go, you don’t have to tell me.” Clarke shook her head at the shy nurse who blushed bashfully at the reminder and teasing. He was the epitome of professionalism ( _Lexa and him would get along really well_ ) but he did enjoy Clarke’s friendly and personable approach as his boss. It took him a year before he shifted to calling her Doc rather than Doctor Griffin.

“Err… actually, there’s someone here to see you.” He smirked at her playfully before adding. “He was very insistent.”

Clarke rummaged through her mind trying to think of who would be coming into see her. Dante and her father would just stroll right in and she couldn’t think of any of the male delinquents causing Eric to smirk like that. “Uh... right. Send them in.” Clarke put down her pen and shuffled and closed her files to ensure patient confidentiality; she also sat straighter in her chair as Eric backed out.

The door widened as Eric held it open for a small blonde haired boy with soulful blue eyes. Clarke also caught a glimpse of Lincoln in the background sat in the waiting room giving her his biggest shit-eating grin.

“Aden?!” Clarke squeaked. Aden stepped purposefully into the office and sat in the chair opposite her desk, he was squinting his eyes and pursing his lips and his brow was furrowed. He looked like he was trying to imitate a gruff action hero or a hardened cop.

“Clarke.” Aden grunted in a batman-esque voice. “You probably know why I’m here…”, the last word came out more as a croak rather than the gruff hard man tone he was going for.

Clarke blinked rapidly trying to rationalise why Aden was trying to be intimidating…

_Oh, shit he’s doing the shovel talk._

_Okay, take it seriously, don’t let him know how utterly adorable he is being right now._

Clarke forced down the affectionate smile that was reserved for the Woods family and put on a serious expression, but her lips still twitched slightly with affection.

“Yes.” Clarke nodded.

Aden squinted harder trying to analyse whether she was listening solemnly enough. “My Ma said she might start dating you.” Aden stated; Clarke had to ignore the flutter of her heart that came when she realised Lexa was invested in the possibility of a relationship with Clarke enough to discuss it with her son.

“Hopefully. I would really like to date your mother.” Clarke responded earnestly with a shy smile, she was committed to being honest and responsible at all times with Aden (and his mother, obviously).

“Please, don’t hurt her.” Clarke’s heart stopped. Aden had lost the tough man attitude and had spoken in a cold, hard whisper that was an incredible mix of terrifying and heart-breaking. His eyes were wide, and the incredible love he had for his mother shone out like spotlights. Hurting Lexa would hurt him as he couldn’t stand a world where his mother was heartbroken.

Clarke inhaled slowly, trying to think of something she could say that would show that she wouldn’t hurt Lexa. That if Lexa deemed her worthy enough to entrust with her heart, she would protect it with her life because she (just like Aden) knew it was the most precious treasure in the universe. That Clarke would go to the ends of the earth if it would make Lexa smile. Truthfully, though, Clarke knew she would never hurt Lexa because she’d done it before.

Ten years of living half a life, ten years of remembering the pain and sorrow in Lexa’s eyes. Clarke wouldn’t survive causing her that level of pain ever again.

“I don’t know how to tell you that... that is the one thing I am trying to avoid at all costs.” Clarke spoke softly yet determinedly; Aden chewed his cheek still trying to asses her sincerity. “If I hurt Lexa-” Clarke broke off momentarily as her stomach roiled and she felt a wave of nausea at even the idea of… “I would never come back from that.”

Aden’s soulful blue eyes met hers and an understanding was reached. “Okay.” He stopped chewing his cheek and stared down at the floor, silence fell between the blondes. “I trust you.”

Clarke struggled to keep tears from falling at those three small words. _Dear God, the Woods are going to be the death of me._ “Thank you, that means a lot to me.” Clarke said whilst trying to hide her choked and raspy voice. Aden looked up then and gave her his signature wide grin, his entire face illuminating the room.

_This kid is so easy to love._

“So, what’s the plan?” Clarke felt a sudden case of whiplash as the boy transformed into his normal chipper and bubbly self.

“Err… the plan?” Clarke asked stunned, trying to keep up.

“To win over my Ma.” Aden answered with the roll of the eyes, as if it should have been obvious. “I want to help.”

* * *

“Thanks, Linc, I really appreciate it… Was he any trouble...? Great… I’m just stopping at the grocery store then I’ll be right over to pick him up… Alright, see you soon.” Lexa hung up and rested her head on the steering wheel taking a second for herself after her long day. Her meeting with Miller had been hard, he was struggling and Lexa felt like she had fumbled supporting him. She sat and talked to him as long as she could, listening as he tried to work through everything. She passed on the information Clarke had given her and he seemed interested in talking to a professional which was promising, she also suggested he come back but focus on purely community outreach programmes (not necessarily with children as originally planned). He said he would consider it and phone her tomorrow morning; Lexa was hopeful he would be back by next week doing the work she had suggested.

It had been productive and she was proud of the progress, but now she was mentally and emotionally drained. All she wanted was to pick up her son and hear about his day, she needed groceries for the week and it made sense to buy them before picking up Aden from Lincoln. Starting from next week he would be coming back to the station as the bar would be open, so she wanted him to have as much time with Lincoln as possible before their time together would be reduced.

Lexa unclipped her seatbelt and made to get out the car when she spotted Mr. and Mrs. Griffin strolling out of the store. She hesitated for a couple of seconds as she decided whether to go over or not before she remembered the promise she had made to herself to reach out. She wanted to renew her relationship with Jake and Abby no matter what did, or didn’t, happen with Clarke. Lexa pushed herself out of the car and lightly jogged over to them.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.” Lexa greeted as friendly as she could. Any fears of rejection or disinterest in her coming over to talk to them were instantly evaporated as Jake’s face lit up with a bright smile. Abby, also smiled widely and her eyes crinkled in exactly the same way as they used to when she was younger. Lexa’s small smile disappeared to be replaced with complete shock, though, when Abby without second thought reached out and pulled her into a hug.

“Lexa, we missed you so much.” Abby said with a croaky voice, Lexa couldn’t see her face, as Abby hugged her so close, but she could tell she was tearing up.

Jake had always been the overtly friendly and good-natured one out of the two, he had a smile and open arms for everyone. Because of Jake’s far more open affection, many people would have wrongly assumed that Abby was colder and more reserved. Abby was admittedly more reserved with strangers and acquaintances as it took her a while for her to open up to people but once she had let someone in, she was in many ways far more doting than her husband. Abby was careful with her heart and where she placed her love but when she let someone in the amount of love she had was overwhelming. Lexa had been close to Jake growing up mostly due to the fact he was so similar to Clarke in how he interacted with her… Abby, though, was the person most like a parent to Lexa. She was protective of Lexa, and encouraged any and all of her ambitions. Abby would literally welcome Lexa into her house with open arms, and each time Lexa would sink into her hugs and imagine, even just for a second, that she had a mother who loved her like Abby.

Even after all these years, Lexa sank happily and easily into Abby’s arms, and was instantly transported back to when she was that awkward thirteen year old girl who turned up on the Griffin’s doorstep feeling like she didn’t belong. Abby wouldn’t let her think that for a second and would always usher her in and give her a big hug before inviting her to stay and help cook. Abby was the person that taught Lexa to cook and made her interested in developing her own cooking skills when she was older and had left town. Clarke would always sit on the counter and watch, telling as many cheesy jokes (most likely told to her by Jake) with the only aim being to make Lexa laugh.

“I missed you too, Mrs. Griffin.” Lexa whispered also choking up a little. Jake cleared his throat, “And, you too, Mr. Griffin.” Lexa added with a smile as she pulled away after Abby gave her a final comforting squeeze. Lexa ducked her head and blushed, “I’m sorry, we didn’t get a chance to catch up at the summer party-”

Abby waved her hand and cut her off, “Don’t worry about that. Indra wouldn’t let you out of her sight for a second.”

“Still, I was really looking forward to seeing you both.” Lexa admitted. The Griffins beamed at her.

Jake clapped his hands together, “Well, if you and that wonderful boy… Aden?” Jake stopped what he was saying to double check he got her son’s name right and grinned when Lexa nodded that he was correct. Lexa did raise a slight eyebrow in surprise that he knew her son’s name and complimented him so highly at the same time. “Clarke won’t stop talking about how incredible he is.” Jake explained to her unvoiced question, and Abby nodded her head to back-up his assertion about Clarke. Lexa felt herself light up that Clarke not only thought highly of her son but wanted to tell her parents about him.

“Aden rather likes Clarke too. Him and her are already as thick as thieves… I’m already dreading the day Clarke drags him into one of her schemes.” Lexa confessed, her green eyes radiating warmth as she remembered how quickly and easily Aden and Clarke got along.

“Hopefully, he takes after you and keeps her from getting into too much trouble.” Abby said with a sigh, shaking her head as Clarke’s many misadventures flashed through her mind.

“Anyway…” Jake started, “I was thinking if you and Aden are free this Sunday… you could um…” Jake swallowed nervously; Lexa felt guilt rise in herself that Jake was worried that she would turn down an offer of their company.

_It seems I have my own making up to do._

“Come to dinner? We have a big Sunday dinner and we would love it if both of you would come.” Abby finished for her husband with far more confidence and ease. Lexa hid her guilt and made sure to express her excitement.

“That sounds wonderful. Aden has little league in the morning and he always wants a huge meal afterwards. We would love to come.” Lexa agreed enthusiastically.

“Perfect.” Jake stated.

Abby, however, raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips building up to saying something, “If you ever need a babysitter or anything for Aden…? Jake and I are happy to help in any way. We would love to get to know your son.” She gave Lexa a soft smile that made Lexa melt and caused the back of her eyes to sting.

“I would love that.” Lexa murmured. _Wow, today has been emotionally wrought._ Lexa was struck by a sudden thought, “Um… actually, I kind of do need a babysitter…?” Lexa asked tentatively.

“When?” Jake offered without hesitation.

“This Friday. My friend is opening his bar in town and I promised I would go to the opening. I asked Vera - uh, she works at the station with me - but she is going out of town for the weekend.” Lexa rushed out quickly feeling the need to justify herself; she still hated leaving Aden alone with anyone but Anya or Lincoln (and now also Clarke).

“No problem. We would love to look after him.” Abby assured and Lexa felt a small weight leave her shoulders.

“Yeah, I’ve missed having a kid running around the house.” Jake added.

“Thank you.” Lexa felt those two words did not adequately relay how much it meant to her to be treated so well by the Griffins. Lexa gave them both her phone number and took down theirs so they could sort the details for Friday and Sunday. Jake and Abby hugged Lexa again as they said goodbye.


	13. Wooing Lexa Woods

**Woo Attempt #1**

“Err… Sheriff?” Vera called from outside Lexa’s office, her tone was curious and there was the hint of a chuckle to it which piqued Lexa’s interest. She signed her name on the report she had finished reading before popping her head out of the office to see Vera sat at her desk listening to her radio through her headset with an amused expression.

“What’s going on?” Lexa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Um… I think you need to head to Main Street.” Stated Vera; pressing her lips together to prevent a bout of laughter.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest and furrowed her brow, “Why?”

* * *

**_Dance, boogie wonderland._ **

**_Ha, ha, dance_ **

**_Boogie wonderland_ **

“Care to explain to me what’s going on, Clarke?” Lexa asked biting her bottom lip unsure whether to burst out into laughter or groan in exasperation. She was leaning against the door to Clarke’s office, people in the waiting room smirking and giggling behind her. Lexa arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in accusation.

Clarke, who was leant back in her desk chair, had a proud smirk twisting at her lips; she shrugged and widened her eyes feigning confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sheriff Woods.” Clarke replied with an exaggerated innocence causing another burst of laughter from the waiting room.

“Oh, really?” Lexa’s pursed lips twitched at the corner. “So you have no idea why there is seventies disco music being blasted from hidden speakers across town?”

Clarke grinned and shook her head whilst throwing in a wistful sigh, “None.”

Lexa moved fully into the office then and shut the door behind herself, which only reduced ‘Boogie Wonderland’ that was currently being played somewhere outside (loud enough to be heard in the waiting room) to a low hum. Lexa rested her back against the closed door and tilted her head as she inspected the mischievous blonde closely, “See, the thing is, I don’t believe you.”

Clarke gasped loudly, and placed a hand over her heart, “I’m hurt, Lexa.” Clarke pouted causing Lexa to roll her eyes and snort.

“Sure…” Lexa muttered, pushing herself off the door and strolling until she was in front of the desk, towering above the blonde opposite her, the desk acting as a barrier.

“Why, on Earth, would you think I have anything to do with it?” Clarke blinked repeatedly putting on a childish air.

“Because we did something very similar years ago.” Lexa retorted. "We blasted the exact same songs in the church through the entirety of a Sunday service.”

“Oh, yeah, what a coincidence.” Clarke gave her a shy smile and her blue eyes sparkled.

Lexa shook her head slowly and flicked her eyes up to the ceiling, not trusting herself to look directly at the blonde without smiling, her Sheriff persona had been cracking and breaking since she had walked up Main Street and heard ‘Disco Inferno’ being blasted somewhere near ‘The Hub’.

It was such a Clarke thing to do.

People were out in the streets dancing, other people had already created a game of trying to find all the speakers treating it as if it was a treasure hunt. The Cronies cackled away at an outdoor table, half of them reminiscing about the Sunday service all those years ago and the other half tapping their feet to the beat. Echo, who had met Lexa on the street, stifled her own laughter when she saw the dangerously large smile that Lexa couldn’t suppress when she first heard the music and saw its effects; Lexa had huffed at her deputy’s amusement and tried to put on a cold front (to little success). She had allowed herself to enjoy the atmosphere for a while before heading to see the person she knew to be the perpetrator.

“Coincidence?” Lexa replied finally making eye contact with the doctor resulting in her smile finally breaking through onto her face; Clarke merely hummed in agreement, her smile widening in response to Lexa’s. “Just tell me... why?” That was the one thing Lexa didn’t get.

_What was all this for?_

Clarke’s shifted to serious, her stare becoming fixed causing Lexa’s breath to catch in expectation, “To make you smile.”

 _Holy shit, if I wasn’t still in love with her from all those years ago, I would be falling all over again._ Lexa’s face went slack with shock not able to comprehend the amount of time and effort Clarke must have put in to pull this off. _She filled the entire town with music… to make me smile._

Clarke gnawed on her bottom lip. Lexa was still slack-jawed and hadn’t spoken or reacted for nearly a minute and Clarke was seriously starting to re-think her current plan.

Lexa suddenly realised that she had been holding her breath for a while and let out an explosive exhale, simultaneously noticing Clarke’s anxiety. Lexa’s eyes shone brightly with emotion, specifically gratitude and affection, and an unbelievably small but genuine smile took over her face. It was a smile Clarke had seen only a couple of times since Lexa had returned and it had already become her favourite.

Fear ebbed away as Lexa’s joy illuminated the office. “Then it worked perfectly.” Lexa assured breathlessly.

“This is only one of my plans to woo you. An opening gambit. A laying down of the gauntlet.” Clarke said equally as breathless and blushing.

* * *

**[Clarke]: What’s ya Ma’s fav colour?**

**[Clarke]: It used to be blue but it might have changed…**

**[Clarke]: Can you ask for the exact shade as well?**

“Hey, Ma?” Aden said after glancing down at his phone, hidden on his lap (he was supposed to be concentrating on his history homework spread out on the counter in front of him). Lexa was flitting around the kitchen preparing dinner and helping when he needed it.

“Yes, sweetie.” Lexa threw the baking tray of potatoes into the oven and came round the counter to look at Aden’s work presuming he was asking for help again.

“Err…” _Be subtle, that’s what Clarke had told him…_ , “What’s your favourite colour?” Aden blurted out as his mind went blank for another approach. Lexa blinked at him, mildly taken aback at the line of questioning.

“Uh... blue, I guess.” Lexa replied, arching an eyebrow.

“What shade of blue?” Aden pushed also arching an eyebrow at her which caused his Ma to smile.

Lexa paused and looked thoughtful for a second, she raised a finger and pointed it delicately towards Aden’s left eye, “This shade.” Lexa smirked; Aden blushed. “Why do you need to know?” She asked curiously.

Aden tried to look as innocent as possible but his Ma’s eyes glinted with suspicion so he knew he wasn’t getting away with it. “Um… it’s for… err…” Aden gulped, “an art project, I’m working on.” Aden beamed then dismissed his Ma by pretending to return to his work. Lexa slowly withdrew and returned to cooking.

**[Aden]: Still blue and my eye colour shade :)**

**[Clarke]: Thanks, little man. :)**

* * *

**Woo Attempt #2**

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Raven asked worriedly.

“Why do you happily go along with my idea to rig music up around town but panic when I try to bake?” Clarke huffed.

“Because I’ve seen you bake before.” Raven shot back from where she hovered in the doorway of the kitchen.

“I’m not that bad.” Clarke groaned as she tried to crack an egg without dropping _too much_ of the shell into the mixture. Raven muttered something that sounded a lot like ‘you’re right, you’re worse’; Clarke responded ( _maturely in her opinion)_ by throwing flour into Raven’s face. Raven immediately ducked out and left Clarke to her baking.

Clarke’s plan was simple, she would alternate between a small gesture and a big romantic one. She started with bringing lunch and then the music and next would simply be to bake Lexa some cupcakes for work. Clarke knew Lexa appreciated the small things as much as the big, as she was a genuine believer in ‘it’s the thought that counts’. It made Clarke’s heart squeeze as she had a suspicion that the reason for this was that Lexa was surprised when someone thought to do something nice for her, and Clarke wanted Lexa to feel like her being thought of was the norm from now on. Clarke wanted Lexa to feel that she was special and cared for and loved. So she was baking cupcakes.

Admittedly, last time Clarke had baked (for the local hospital fundraiser) she had produced a cake more coal-like than golden sponge. As Clarke spooned the mixture into the holders she rationalised that she would just drop the temperature and put them in for less time. _That should solve the problem,_ Clarke thought to herself with a pleased smile.

* * *

Lexa’s Sheriff persona was completely wiped off for the rest of Tuesday as her and the stooges out on patrol drove around with the windows down listening to the disco music being blasted from hidden speakers around town. Emerson grumbled about it at the station but Vera shot him a glare and he quickly kept his grumpiness to himself. Echo sang happily along to the music in the patrol car much to Lexa’s amusement. The cherry on top of the cake was Miller phoning in, he chuckled along when he found out what was happening and it helped to remind him that work could be enjoyable. He even promised that he would be back into work on Monday, and had setup an appointment with the suggested psychologist.

When Lexa had picked up Aden later he had insisted that Lexa drive them around the town, wanting to play ‘speaker bingo’ as it was dubbed by the townsfolk, challenging each other to find the eighteen speakers around town. Clarke had promised that the music would go off at 8pm, so it wouldn’t disturb anyone.

Lexa’s only concern of the day was that Aden was acting suspiciously; glancing at his phone regularly and asking her cryptic questions, and Lexa decided to keep a closer eye on him but refrained from pushing. She trusted Aden to come to her if he needed to. She hoped it was merely that he had a crush on someone (then again she hoped not, as she didn’t want to see her son growing up so soon).

Anyway, Lexa sprung out of bed on Wednesday looking forward to her day. She even struggled to put on her commander face as she arrived at work, the smile on her face refusing to be wiped off. When she arrived though it was to find Raven hovering nervously in the waiting room.

“Hello, Raven.” Lexa greeted pleasantly.

“Ah, Lexa. I need to tell you something.” Raven said biting her bottom lip nervously. _Please, don’t tell me something has happened to Clarke._

“Is Clarke okay?” Lexa asked immediately, not able to hold back her concern. Raven quickly raised her hands to fend off her worries.

“Yes, she’s fine. Don’t worry.” Raven answered rapidly, now with a lopsided smirk at witnessing how swift Lexa was to voice her concern for Clarke. “But, I am here because of Clarke.” She said slowly.

Lexa arched an eyebrow, “Okay…?”

Raven twisted her fingers together anxiously, “See, Clarke is going to bring you cupcakes in…” Raven flipped her wrist over to glance at her watch, “in half an hour.”

“That sounds nice.” Lexa said not seeing why Raven was acting as if Clarke was arriving with a loaded gun.

“Yeah… it sounds nice…” Raven muttered. “See, thing is…” Raven took a deep breath, “Clarke can’t bake to save her life but she is super proud of her baking.”

“I’m sure I’ll love them. What matters is that Clarke thought to make them for me.” Lexa reassured earnestly. _So what if they don’t taste nice, Clarke baked for me. She put time and effort in. That’s what counts._ Lexa blushed pleasantly.

Raven sighed, “Yeah, I get it, you love each other.” Raven waved her hand trying to dispel the lovey-dovey expression on Lexa’s face. “What I’m trying to say is… don’t eat them.” Raven enunciated the order.

Lexa furrowed her brow in disbelief. “They can’t be that bad.”

“You’re right, they’re worse. If you eat them you are guaranteed food poisoning.” Lexa examined Raven a bit closer now, she was sweaty and kept fidgeting, her hands reflexively going to grip her stomach when they weren’t flying around. All of a sudden Raven went a grey colour, “Bathroom?”

Lexa took a step back and pointed in the direction of the bathroom, Raven clamped a hand over her mouth and sprinted the way Lexa had indicated.

* * *

“Thank you so much, Clarke. This is delicious.” Lexa smiled brightly as she took a bite of the frosted cupcakes.

Clarke grinned with pride. “I’m so glad you like it. There was meant to be a dozen but Raven stole one this morning.” Lexa’s mouth was closed, her lips pressed tightly together. _Trying to savour the taste. Damn, I’ve gotten good at baking. Suck it, Raven._

“What a shame.” Lexa’s eyes went wide with disappoint as she spoke with her mouth still full.

“If you want I can offer some of these to the dep-” Clarke started to offer lifting the tin of cakes up off Lexa’s desk.

“NO!” Lexa yelled, reaching out and yanking the tin towards herself. Clarke blinked and took a step back in shock. Lexa seeing Clarke’s confusion and surprise swallowed the bite in her mouth and forced a shaky smile, “What I mean is… I love these so much… I don’t want to share.” Clarke positively burst with pride at Lexa’s sentiment.

“I’ll be sure to make more next time.” Clarke stated determinedly.

“Next time?” Lexa asked weakly.

* * *

**Woo Attempt #3**

“Why are you so eager to get to the park?” Lexa inquired with a huff as Aden dragged her by the hand. She had only just recovered from the cupcake earlier today. Having spat most of it back out once Clarke had left; Lexa only had a mouthful but it was enough to make her queasy for the rest of the day. After dinner that night, which had mostly been a bland meal to settle Lexa’s stomach, Aden had cajoled and begged Lexa to take him to the park, even though it was early evening. Lexa had only relented when Aden had brought out the puppy dog eyes that were her ultimate weakness.

“Err… no reason.” Aden replied shiftily, not making eye contact as they entered the park. Lexa narrowed her eyes. _Is there a girl he likes or something? He’s hoping to see her at the park…?_

“Oookay…”, Lexa dragged out the word, clearly not convinced. Lexa had brought along two baseball gloves and a ball; she made to head towards the nearest open space, Aden, however, continued to drag her along with a clear destination in mind. It wasn’t until they cut through a small copse of trees into a large field that Lexa understood what was happening.

Clarke.

The blonde was stood with a wide grin waiting for them. Lexa shook her head in exasperation. “Is there anyone you haven’t got working for you?” Lexa said dully.

“Nope.” Clarke smirked, high fiving Aden who wore an almost matching smirk of his own. “I’ve got the whole town working for me.” Clarke looked around exaggeratedly and whispered conspiratorially, “Believe it or not but the whole town wants us together. The Cronies head up the matchmaking committee and we’ve been on the agenda for over a decade.”

Lexa snorted, “If they’re helping you it’s just because they want a discount next time they see the doctor.” Clarke pouted in response, which had Lexa inappropriately focusing in on Clarke’s bottom lip that was jutting out. Aden poked his mother’s side, not because of her less than clean thoughts, but because he felt she had upset Clarke. Lexa rolled her eyes as she said to Aden in a mock disappointed tone, “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Blondes need to stick together.” Clarke chipped in, and Aden quickly rallied to support his matching haired compatriot.

The three of them bantered and chuckled for a little while longer and Lexa couldn’t help but think, _this is easy. It’s nice and easy. Exactly as it should be. Exactly as I want it to be._ Lexa realised that time spent with Clarke was wooing enough.

_Ask me out already! Screw being wooed._

As Lexa was about to confront Clarke and tell her as such, the doctor clapped her hands together and stated, “Alright, show time!” Aden fist pumped in excitement as Clarke ushered the Woods further into the clearing.

“Show time?” Lexa questioned until she saw gathered a fair distance away was a pile of already setup fireworks, and Clarke had led them to a picnic blanket. Aden instantly settled at the front of the blanket allowing Lexa and Clarke to sit together at the back. Clarke removed a remote control from the pocket of the jacket she had been wearing. “A fireworks display?”

“Uh huh.” Clarke gave her a shy smile.

Every Fourth of July the town would gather in the park for a momentous fireworks display. When they were younger, Lexa would always go with the Griffins. Lexa and Clarke would have their own picnic blanket and Lexa would curl up into Clarke’s side and rest her head on her shoulder. The fireworks had always been impressive but Lexa looked forward to the physical closeness she got to share with Clarke far more than the pretty bangs and sparkles. Either way, Lexa’s excitement for the Fourth of July had always been obvious and Clarke had loved watching Lexa’s childlike anticipation for the holiday. It was probably the only holiday Lexa would get consistently excited for, so Clarke knew she had wanted to recreate it for Lexa.

“My Dad and Raven helped me set it up. It’s all timed and synced. All I have to do is press the button.” Clarke explained giving the controller a light shake as she spoke. Lexa reached out and intertwined her fingers with Clarke’s free ones.

“This is perfect, thank you.” Lexa whispered with a radiant smile, “You should know, though…” Lexa continued as Clarke leant forward to listen attentively and also to be taken even more in by green eyes that were positively luminescent, “I would say yes already. I would’ve said yes after you brought me lunch on Monday.”

Clarke’s eyebrows drew together in confusion and she pursed her lips trying to clear her head enough to work out what Lexa meant, “Say yes to what?”

Lexa’s lips twitched in amusement, “To a date.” Clarke blushed bright red and ducked her head to hide how flustered she was.

“When do the fireworks start?” Aden, finally bored of staring at the un-exploding rockets, whipped round to question the two adults. Lexa chuckled, _if Clarke and I go out, I am so going to be using the Griffins regularly for babysitting._

“Err… as soon as I push this button…” Clarke glanced at Lexa and twiddled the remote as she flicked her eyes over to Aden the question she was asking obvious. Lexa nodded slightly to show it was alright. “Hey, kid, you want to press it?” Clarke offered handing over the control to Aden.

Aden had never looked more like a ten year old boy than he did in that moment. “YES!” Aden snatched the remote, “Thank you!”, he quickly added when his Ma gave him a hard stare. Aden twisted back around as he jabbed the big red button. Lexa shifted closer to Clarke and rested her head on her shoulder (just like when they were kids); Clarke breathed out slowly feeling fully at peace and at home.

They waited for the show to begin.

Nothing happened.

“Press it again, kid.” Clarke suggested. Aden stabbed down on the button again.

Nothing happened.

“Err… keep pressing it, the controls might be sticky.” Clarke had gone tense at the lack of… well, anything. Lexa’s thumb traced soothing circles on the back of Clarke’s hand she was holding; Clarke settled with each stroke whereas Aden grew more agitated and pressed the button repeatedly as if it was one of his fighting games.

All of sudden everything happened.

BANG!

Every single firework went off all at once.

Every rocket, shooting star, Roman candle and fountain went off. There was a barrage of colour and smoke.

Greens, reds, blues, yellows, and golds… every colour you could think of was illuminated in the sky in a unintelligible swirl before vanishing.

It was all over in a matter of seconds.

Clarke hung her head and groaned.

Lexa blinked repeatedly not sure how to respond or absorb the sheer amount of stimuli her eyes and ears had received. Lexa wanted to reassure Clarke, tell her that it didn’t matter that it had gone wrong. All that mattered was that they were together, and Clarke had tried to do something so thoughtful and meaningful. Before she could turn and say any of that or even shake the ringing sound out of her ears, Aden spun on the spot. Clarke stiffened worried about the small boy’s reaction. She had really looked forward to making this enjoyable for Aden as well as Lexa and it had all gone wrong.

Aden blinked and stared at the two women, his face blank. “That…” Aden said slowly, “was AWESOME!” He screamed the last bit, his face breaking out into the largest grin Clarke had ever seen on anyone, his soulful blue eyes were fiery with excitement and glee. He rushed forward and swung either arm around the women, pulling them into a tight group hug.

Lexa and Clarke instinctively wrapped their arms around the small boy, their hands brushing on his back. Lexa met Clarke’s eyes and mouthed, ‘It was awesome,’ giving her a wink alongside the assurance.

Clarke’s eyes shone with love and affection in return. She couldn’t help thinking with her arms wrapped around the Woods family that this was the most successful woo attempt so far.


	14. Forrester and Woods

**Six Years Ago**

Lexa hated ( _no, that’s too strong a word_ )... disliked ( _bit weak_ )... strongly disliked her ‘mentor’. _Yeah, that term requires quotation marks_. Lexa practically snarled at the paperwork and files on her desk, all a ‘gift’ from Agent Forrester. Of course she was the only newbie to receive such a… ‘gift’.

Agent Forrester clearly had a favourite out of her two newly assigned mentees. Costia. Lexa rolled her eyes at her ‘colleague’s’ ( _yes, more fucking quotation marks)_ name.

Costia was the darling of the department. Graduated from MIT specialising in computer engineering, with side interests in criminal justice and psychology. She aced every written test put in front of her, and could charm a smile on even the most clinically depressed human being. Smart with people skills. No wonder Agent Forrester fucking loved her and took the newbie under her wing instantly. Forrester gave her support and guidance in every aspect, acting as the girl’s personal life jacket at all times meanwhile she threw Lexa into the deep end (without once asking if she could swim) and when Lexa finally had a grasp on paddling she would jet past in a speedboat, laughing manically as the wake pulled Lexa under.

Lexa shook her head and reached for the next file and opened it. Her eyes scanned the details of the case allowing the words to roll over her until something piqued her interest such as certain red flags; Lexa shrugged her shoulders to alleviate the tension that had built up before angling her head down and focusing in on the details.

It was late into the evening, and Lexa was the only one still in the dingy workplace of half built office cells. Her pile of papers were down to a third of what it was, Lexa was hopeful she would be finished by one or two in the morning ( _better than yesterday… and to be honest no one is waiting for you… so why rush?)._

“Woods, I’m beginning to worry you live here.” The words were soft yet enunciated, the tone was one that implied ( _heavily_ ) that you should listen and agree to whatever was said.

Lexa, who was already sat up pretty straight in her chair, straightened up even further and turned to give her full attention to the speaker. “Director Johnson.” Lexa acknowledged respectfully.

“It’s well past working hours, Lexa, you can call me Beca.” Director Johnson ( _Beca_ , Lexa’s mind struggled to correct) was shorter than her demeanour implied, she had dark lustrous hair that cascaded down her back, she was in her early forties but could have gotten away with saying she was ten years younger. The director was dressed in a form fitting blue dress and a black blazer. She had moved to lean her hip against Lexa’s desk.

“Err.... uh... I-”, Lexa stuttered.

“Dear God, my sister trained you well. I've noticed you still have to physically restrain yourself from saluting your superiors.” The director shook her head in exasperation at the invisible shadow her sister had left on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Yes, she did, Ma’am.” Lexa agreed, with only a slight blush, now more comfortable in returning to protocol and rank. Beca chuckled and crossed her arms over her chest as she moved her head from left to right, taking in the darkened room they were in, Lexa’s desk lamp being the only source of light.

“How are you finding it so far?” Beca inquired lightly.

Lexa pursed her lips refusing to nibble her lips in her normal worried manner. The director had made her name and earned her position through her skills of interrogation, she knew how to read people, seek out their pressure points… and well, apply pressure. Even though she wasn’t staring at Lexa, the young agent knew she was being assessed and scrutinised. “Difficult but satisfying.” Lexa gave the short, honest answer.

“Hmm…”, Beca finally turned to examine the young woman, her gaze searching. “Do you feel supported?” The older woman’s eyes flicked to the high pile of completed paperwork.

Lexa narrowed her eyes at the high pile, “I haven’t felt the need to ask for help.” Lexa answered dodging the question, which the director surely realised. _I may not get offered any help from Forrester but I haven’t asked for help either,_ Lexa justified her vague answer to herself.

An amused smirk flickered for less than a second on Beca’s face, “From what I’ve heard about you, you wouldn’t ask for help even if you were on fire in a crowd where everyone had a bucket of water.”

Lexa didn’t bother to argue. _It was the truth._

Lexa didn’t ask for help. Ever.

Lexa didn’t rely on people. Ever.

When she was seventeen her heart had been broken ( _shattered_ ) by the person who always protected her. The person who she always relied on. The person who always held her up and kept away the darkness.

Her heart was still broken in a way.

But it was also stronger.

She was stronger.

Through her pain Lexa had realised that she couldn’t use someone else to fight the darkness for her. Couldn’t use someone else to hold her up. Couldn’t use someone else to save her.

So  Lexa had been broken but she had also been rebuilt.

Lexa learnt to stand on her own two feet. Learnt to face the darkness on her own and found she could hold it back.

Lexa learnt to save herself.

It had taken time, as everything does; finally, though, Lexa was proud of who she had become. Lexa no longer had a crutch. She hadn’t appreciated how much everything of who she was had been mixed in with Clarke when she was younger. Without Clarke she figured out who she was on her own. She became a full person rather than a scared girl clinging to a blonde knight in shining armour.

As time went by, as Lexa progressed and grew, she had become more and more at ease with what happened ( _not quite grateful but something adjacent to that_ ). Lexa sometimes shudders to think what she would have been like if Clarke had accepted her love.

_What if…? What if…?_

Would she still have matured? Still become strong?

Would she have been utterly dependent on Clarke? Completely unable to function without Clarke by her side?

Lexa would often cycle through what ifs. When she had first left town the scenarios and maybes she created were designed to be cruel and to hurt. If she had stayed for graduation, Clarke would run up to her and tell her how much she loved her and would never let her go. Clarke would appear on her doorstep one day, declarations of love and tales of her never-ending search for Lexa.

Now, her perspective had shifted. The ‘what ifs’ weren’t so rampant, weren’t filled with longing, they were quieter, a nice break from boredom rather than an actual prospect or desire.

The major drawback of becoming strong and independent, admittedly, was the fear of losing that control, that independence. Asking for help (to Lexa) meant relinquishing a piece of herself she fought so hard to create. She knew it wasn’t a weakness to ask for help (Lexa was more than aware that it was a strength she herself lacked), but she wasn’t ready to dismiss the fear that she would lose a part of herself to someone if she did.

Lexa exhaled slowly and gave a curt nod to show her agreement with the director’s statement.

“I like your honesty.” Beca remarked as she stood up fully, she gave Lexa another cursory glance, “I have high expectations of you.” She made the statement the same way she would if she was stating the time. Lexa blinked rapidly, her lips parting; she was marginally proud her jaw didn’t drop. “Report to me tomorrow morning, eight thirty sharp.” Beca ordered before striding away not allowing Lexa to say anything else.

Beca had assessed, examined and scrutinised Lexa in the space of a couple of meetings, each only a few sentences long and in that time had found something to pique her interest. Something worthy of her attention.

Lexa hoped it was potential.

* * *

**Present Day**

“Nice dress.” Anya commented with a suggestive wink as Lexa descended the stairs.

Anya, already attired and made up, was waiting _im_ patiently in the entrance hallway. Aden was blasting a game on the television in the living room but he paused it take in his Ma’s appearance when she entered to check on him. “You look nice, Ma.” Aden gave her a wide grin; he hadn’t really seen his Ma dressed up very often. She had never had reason to get dressed up and any event that she was invited to that required it would often have meant leaving Aden behind, something Lexa hadn’t felt comfortable doing.

“Thank you, sweetie.” Lexa came to stand behind the sofa and lightly ran her fingers through her son’s hair rearranging the locks into a more composed mess. Lexa bit her bottom lip, her nervous habit resurfacing as she gazed into soulful blue eyes, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? Mr and Mrs Griffin are wonderful, but if you’d rather I st-”

“Maaaaa,” Aden whined, “I’ll be fine, I promise. You need to be there for Lincoln and you should get to go out and have a good time.”

“The gremlin is right, Lex.” Anya coaxed coming to stand by the Woods. “You can’t be with the gremlin all of the time as it would be weird when he goes to college if you do.” Aden nodded his head fervently in agreement to his Aunt’s comment.

Lexa rolled her eyes and muttered, “I’m not that bad.”

_Lies._

_I know, shut up._

Before Anya could make another snarky comment, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Lexa rushed to answer it, half to get away from Anya’s mocking gaze and half to make a good impression on the Griffins.

Lexa opened the door and was immediately engulfed into a bear hug by the elder Griffins. Anya and Aden giggled as Lexa blushed bright red at the affection.

“You look beautiful, Lexa.” Abby complimented as she pulled back to take in Lexa’s appearance.

Lexa was in a blue cocktail dress, conservative compared to Anya’s own dress, it skimmed her knees and enhanced her cleavage without being overt. It was simple and bright, which Lexa made up for by giving extra attention to her hair, which she had put intricate braids into.

“Stunning.” Jake added with a proud fatherly smile that had Lexa turning a shade of maroon.

“Thank you.” Lexa said shyly, she turned her head to Anya and Aden who were watching the interaction with great amusement. “Let me introduce you.” Lexa led the Griffins into the living room, “Abby, Jake, this is Anya Forrester, we used to work together and she is one of my closest friends.”

Anya who was more than aware that the Griffins were a big part of Lexa’s and Raven’s lives put on as much charm as she could, which wasn’t much but was far removed from her usual open hostility and distrust ( _so you know, victory in that sense_ ). She shook the Griffin’s hands and gave them a tight smile and nod.

“And this is Aden, my son.” Lexa proudly declared as she placed a hand on Aden’s shoulder.

“Hi.” Aden greeted with his signature grin and an enthusiastic wave.

Jake and Abby beamed at the greeting and seemed instantly endeared to the small blonde boy. Lexa went over details with Abby about Aden’s bedtime, what time she would get back, what food he was allowed etc. Lexa probably repeated everything at least three times, as she nervously wringed her hands together, still not fully ready to leave her son. Abby listened patiently and reassured Lexa as much as she could, she didn’t push Lexa or minimise her concerns. Jake and Aden were already getting on like a house on fire… _shit, don’t think like that._

Anya eventually reached the end of her rope with Lexa delaying and grabbed her friend’s wrist and yanked her towards the door.

“Everything will be fine, don’t worry.” Abby assured as Lexa was dragged away.

Lexa let out a sigh, her concerns washing away until she heard Jake stage whisper to Aden, “Soooo… want to blow stuff up?”

“Yes!” Aden shouted with glee.

“WHA-!” Lexa yelped, halfway down the path, as she spun on the spot ready to sprint back inside her house, Anya’s iron grip be damned.

“You are in so much trouble, Jake.” Abby groaned as she swung the front door shut before Lexa had the chance to run back in.

“C’mon, Lexa, let’s go.” Anya ushered an anxious Lexa the rest of the way to the mustang, and forced Lexa into the driving seat.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

“Hi.”

_Kill me, now._

“Hello.” Lexa responded curtly, refusing to turn around and acknowledge the interrupter.

“How are you?” The intruder asked timidly. _It doesn’t pay to be a bitch,_ Lexa’s mind chided. Lexa spun in her seat and arched an eyebrow.

“Fine.” A lengthy pause followed, “...and you?” Lexa relented.

The disturber practically lit up at the question. “I’m really good, thank you. Anya and I are starting our investigation into Nia Queen, just got approval.” It wasn’t said boastfully, the trespasser was the epitome of modest and humble; it was said to include Lexa to try and prompt a conversation.

Lexa dismissed the opening, by nodding curtly instead. Another awkward silence fell.

_Come on, out with it. Why are you here?_

Lexa wielded silence like a weapon, she never felt the need to fill it but most people hated the dead air and they would rush to get to the point to escape it.

“Right… err… so… umm… I stopped by to… err… ask for your help?”

_What?_

“My help?” Lexa’s cold mask slipped for a second as surprise took over.

“Yes.” An enthusiastic nod and another blinding smile. “See you have the best scores on the shooting range… and I… I could really do with some help.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Lexa was just as surprised by her easy agreement as the invader. Lexa nodded without her own consent. “Excellent! That’s great… Can I meet you after work?”

“Sure.” Lexa murmured. _Why are you letting her in?_

“Awesome.” _She’s way too enthusiastic about this._ The interrupter slowly moved backwards out of Lexa’s cubicle still beaming and said earnestly, “Thanks, Lexa.”

“No problem… Costia.” Lexa forced out the name.

* * *

**Present Day**

“Lexa, beautiful as always.” Lincoln swung round the corner of the bar and pulled Lexa into a hug, over her shoulder he nodded to Anya, “You look alright.” Lincoln commented to Anya, resulting in the agent’s clutch bag being swung round to whack the muscular man on the arm.

“Ass.” Anya seethed.

“I love you, too.” Lincoln broke away from Lexa to tug a reluctant and annoyed Anya into a hug.

“I guess you’re not that bad.” Anya whispered back, causing Lincoln to smirk in response as he broke away and returned to the already busy bar.

“What can I get you?” Lincoln asked as he shifted into bartender mode already moving round glasses and prepping the till without thinking.

“Two Monty moonshines.” Lexa quickly supplied before Anya had the chance to ask for her normal martini order. Anya gave her a critical look, uncertain about the choice. “You’ll love it.” Lexa reassured as she reached for her purse.

“On the house for you two.” Lincoln assured as he got to work. Within a few seconds there were two filled glasses placed in front of the women. Lincoln looked like he wanted to talk to them more but the bartender was already in demand by other patrons and Monty was struggling to handle the sheer number of orders on his own. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” Lexa and Anya grabbed their drinks and moved out of the way of the other people clamouring for service.

‘Grounders’ was heaving with people; Monty and Lincoln were handling the crowd like pros, mixing drinks and taking money in with ease. There was another couple of servers working, but most of them were collecting empty glasses and picking up any odd jobs that needed to be done around the bar. All the booths were occupied and many of the tables as well, Anya though spotted a small table with four chairs tucked away in the corner and led Lexa over to it. Music was playing but it was toned down, enabling conversation whilst providing a pleasing background sound.

Lexa and Anya people-watched as they sipped their drinks; Lexa having to regularly engage in small talk when certain townsfolk came over to see their Sheriff. Echo waved to Lexa from the bar, she was out with a gaggle of friends, ordering every cocktail on the menu. Indra did a cursory stop by to inspect and encourage the newest business in her town. Murphy and Emori were even out having managed to nab a babysitter for Alex; Lexa was quick to introduce them to Anya. Anya and Murphy developed a strange and instant rapport through silence that amused Emori to no end and caused her to comment that Lexa certainly collected a certain type for her family. The married couple didn’t stay too long, it was their (long overdue, Emori added) date night and John was determined to spoil his wife.

Bellamy and Octavia were the next to appear; Octavia was stand-offish and awkward (her and Lexa had never been that close growing up) whilst Bellamy and Lexa gushed and gossiped about Aden. Octavia warmed as they spoke, her eyes continually dancing over to the bar focusing in on Lincoln in particular.

“I can introduce you, if you want?” Lexa offered to Octavia good-naturedly.

Octavia pursed her lips unsure whether to accept the offer, she chugged down her drink, “Sure, why not? I need a new drink anyway.” Lexa snorted, as Octavia’s expression became flirtatious as they neared the bar. Lexa bought (insisting on paying this time) Anya and herself another drink as she had planned to leave her car behind and get a taxi home later anyway. She introduced Octavia and Lincoln and left them happily flirting over the bar counter.

By the time Lexa had got back to their table, Bellamy had disappeared (she spotted him trying his luck with Echo and her friends in a booth across the room) to be replaced by two stunning women.

“Clarke. Raven.” Lexa greeted, Raven had slid into the seat next to Anya and they were so busy sending googly eyes at each other that Raven didn’t even notice Lexa had returned until Lexa was sliding a drink towards Anya over the table. Clarke beamed at her as Lexa took the spot by her side.

“Hi.” Clarke whispered to Lexa, giving Lexa her full attention. “It seems our friends are getting along quite well.”

“I hope so, helping Anya pick out a dress to impress took ages.” Lexa whispered in return throwing glances at their friends who were completely absorbed in each other.

“Ditto. We would have been here an hour ago if Raven hadn’t changed so many times.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Anya asked obviously knowing already by the answering smirk on Lexa’s face.

“Just how glad I am that you’ll have even more of a reason to visit regularly.” Lexa teased, Anya rolled her eyes in response and Raven blushed. “You’ll be visiting every weekend at this rate.” Lexa couldn’t help thinking how much she liked that idea; Anya was such an important and integral part of her life she couldn’t remember how she ever managed without her.

“Not for the next few weeks she won’t.” Raven commented bitterly.

Anya went very still all of a sudden her eyes widening in slight fear as her gaze flitted from Raven to Lexa. Lexa furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why’s that?” Lexa inquired.

“Uhhh…”, Raven went equally still as Anya, her mouth parted, totally unsure how to respond. Raven exemplified a deer caught in the headlights.

_What’s going on?_

_What doesn’t she want me to know?_

“Anya?” Lexa spoke coldly, realising that she was being kept in the dark about something. Anya turned her head away from Lexa unable to make eye contact and gripped the table until her knuckles went white. It was as if the sounds and ruckus of the bar drained away as Lexa stared at the person who she saw as her sister. They were in their own little bubble. “Anya.” Lexa commanded, transforming into the ‘commander’ causing Anya’s eyes to flash with hurt at being on the receiving end of Lexa’s emotionally detached persona.

“There’s been a development in the Queen case.” Anya exhaled the words, her grip loosening from the table as she slowly reached out for Lexa’s hand across the table. “I’m going undercover.”

_What the fuck, Anya?!_

“What the fuck, Anya?!” Lexa shouted only realising a moment too late that she hadn’t been able to keep that thought internal. Heads nearby swivelled to see what was going on, but Lexa for once in her life didn’t give a shit about causing a scene. She snatched her hand away before Anya could cover it with her own, and shot to her feet, storming out of the bar and pushing past anyone that came too close.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

The commander’s fist connected solidly with Anya’s jaw causing her head to snap back and her body to crumple to the ground. Anya tried to crawl away and give herself enough time to get to her feet but the commander was already wrestling her into a pin which Anya stood no chance of wriggling free from.

“Yield.” The cold, quiet voice next to her said. It wasn’t a question but an order.

“I yield.” Anya snarled back with as much venom as she could muster. The physical restraint disappeared instantly as the commander let her go and moved off the blue training mat, not once stopping to ask if Anya was okay.

Anya was covered in bruises; she had managed to land only one or two punches on the commander.

 _It hadn’t been a fight_ …

For it to have been a fight would imply Anya had been a challenge in some way. Anya slowly raised herself onto her hands and feet, resisting the groan from the strain and ache that the movement caused. A cool hand was placed on her back and a concerned face with warm chocolate eyes came into view.

“Are you alright?”

“I’ve been better.” Anya gritted out as Costia helped Anya get to her feet. Costia handed Anya a water bottle that Anya slurped from trying to regain the fluid she had sweated away. “Thanks, Cos.”

“Don’t mention it.” Anya who had an arm over Costia’s shoulder so that she didn’t lose her balance, felt the shrug of dismissal. They exited the training room, and Anya was grateful to be away from the stares that had watched her sparring with Lexa.

“I hate the commander.” Anya spat once she was sure there was no ears nearby to overhear what she was saying. Costia who had been leading her towards the elevator at the end of the corridor, came to a stop and tilted her head to look Anya directly in the eye.

“You don’t mean that.” She said with a pleading look and tone.

_Yes, I fucking do._

Anya sighed; Costia was so open and friendly there was no room for hate in her world, and she had a fondness for Lexa that Anya just couldn’t understand. Lexa was cold and standoffish, always preferring to work alone, whereas Costia was warmth, and friendliness, and a big believer in working together. “Alright, I don’t hate her,” _lies,_ “I dislike her… strongly.” Anya arched an eyebrow conveying the message of _happy now?_

Costia huffed but started moving them forward again, “You just don’t know her.”

“I know enough.” Anya declared as they reached the elevator and Costia freed her hand that was gripping Anya’s wrist on the arm around her shoulders to press the button for the basement. Costia shook her head at Anya’s sentiment not agreeing with her even slightly. “Oh come on, Cos. She acts as if she is better than everyone, as if she owns the place already. I bet she comes from some wealthy family that planned out her meteoric rise from the day she was born.” Costia gave her an uncertain glance of disbelief. “You know she only got the job because she was recommended by the director’s sister?” Anya revealed, Costia’s brow furrowed in surprise. “That’s why the director has taken such an interest in her. The only reason she’s here is due to family connections, I’m telling you.”

Anya hated people who saw themselves as superior, people who could jump ahead of others through money and power. And Lexa had oozed that detachment that people who thought they were socialising with their ‘lessers’ had.

Costia remained quiet as the doors of the elevator opened and led Anya through the underground parking structure, Costia had insisted that she drive Anya home if she planned to spar with Lexa. Costia’s black mustang came into view and Costia moved Anya to lean against the back of the car as she opened the passenger side door for her mentor. She didn’t open it all the way though, instead she pursed her lips building herself up to say something.

“What?” Anya questioned as she limped towards the partially opened door, using the car’s body to push herself along.

“You want to know why I like Lexa and why I think you actually dislike her?” Costia’s chocolate eyes hardened as she steeled herself.

Anya knowing she wouldn’t like the answer pouted petulantly, “Why?”

Costia pulled the door fully open so Anya could shuffle inside before saying, “Because she’s a lot like you.”

* * *

**Present Day**

“Hey.” Clarke found Lexa outside the bar leaning against the wall blinking furiously to hold off angry tears. Her jaw was clenched and arms were crossed tightly across her body.

Lexa didn’t respond to Clarke’s greeting; purposefully tilting her head towards the night sky to cast shadow over her face and hide her expression somewhat. Clarke slowly moved to lean beside Lexa, being sure to leave a space between them, Clarke didn’t bother to speak again instead joining Lexa in the examination of the night sky.

Lexa’s breaths which had been hard and stilted slowed and began to even out. “Anya and I hated each other when we first met.” Lexa finally said after a long silence. Clarke chanced a glance at the brunette beside her, from what Clarke had heard and seen of Anya, she couldn’t imagine the two of them not getting along. _They’re so similar_.

“Really?”

“Uh huh.” Lexa grunted as her eyes slid closed. “We couldn’t see eye to eye on anything, our approaches to cases were drastically different and I wasn’t afraid to tell her my opinion. We both thought each other a cold bitch.”

“What changed?”

“Costia and Nia Queen.” Lexa whispered, eyelids sliding open as she turned her head to face Clarke; Lexa’s eyes were dull and had lost their usual luminescence.

Clarke licked her dry lips as she wracked her brain, “Nia Queen is the case Anya’s reopened, right?”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded curtly as her mouth twisted with disgust at the name. “She runs a gang up north, specialising in drugs and violence.”

“And Costia?” Clarke inquired.

Lexa hesitated for a second before speaking softly, “Another agent…”, Lexa shook her head moving her line of sight away from Clarke to the sky again. “Anya, Costia and I were the team heading up the investigation. Costia and I went undercover… Anya was our handler.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well.” Clarke prompted gently, trying to lighten the heaviness of their conversation.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Lexa uncrossed one arm and held a hand out in the dim light, the white scar across her palm practically glowing. Lexa opened and closed her hand slowly, stretching the scar over and over again. “Costia…”, Lexa’s voice went up an octave, and she swallowed harshly to regain her normal pitch, “she brought me and Anya together.... And then, she…” Lexa tried to force the words out, Clarke could see her straining to say them.

Clarke slowly reached out and placed the tips of her finger on the wrist of Lexa’s scarred hand, her touch was delicate but it got Lexa to breathe out deeply and glance at Clarke out of the corner of her eye. “You don’t need to say it.” Clarke assured, she understood, there was no need to say the words.

“She was like a little sister to Anya.” Lexa stated as she slipped her arm backwards so that Clarke’s fingers were tracing over her open palm.

“Were you and her…?”

_Is Costia the reason behind the darkness in Lexa’s eyes? Did Costia’s death cause a greater wound than the one I left?_

“No.” Lexa answered sharply, her lips pressed tightly together.

“Almost…?”

Lexa shrugged and shook her head, “There was potential...”

Clarke hadn’t realised she was holding her breath, that her chest and heart felt tight and uncomfortable. Clarke knew it was wrong for her to feel jealousy over the idea that Lexa could have fallen in love with someone else over the ten years they were apart; that someone else occupied the same space as Clarke had and hoped to regain.

_You have no right to feel that way. You screwed up._

Clarke let out a long exhale releasing the tension that had built up inside herself and re-focusing on Lexa and what she needed.

“You’re afraid of losing Anya.” Clarke didn’t bother to make it a question, the way Lexa’s eyes glinted as she spoke told Clarke she was right.

Lexa turned to face Clarke fully, interlacing their hands as she did so. “Yeah, I am.”

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

“I can’t believe it.” Anya spat out in frustration, as Lexa ‘waltzed’ ( _yeah, that’s right… she fucking waltzed, the stuck up cow_ ) past Anya and Costia as the three of them exited the director’s office. Costia grabbed Anya’s arm and tugged her away from the office and in the opposite direction to the way Lexa had gone. Costia pushed Anya into a deserted conference room and shut the door behind themselves to prevent anyone from overhearing. “It’s fucking ridiculous.” Anya roared as she began to pace the room and throw her arms around in frustration.

Costia jumped up to sit on the large table taking up the conference room and swung her feet in a childish manner as she eyed Anya warily, “It makes sense, Anya.” Costia said quietly, already mentally prepared for when Anya spun round to face her with fire in her eyes.

“You agree with this?” Anya shouted in disbelief.

“Yes.” Costia declared refusing to raise her voice in response, “Lexa is the best at hand-to-hand combat in the bureau, and you have the most experience out of those involved with the case as a handler. It makes sense.” Costia repeated with an even tone.

Anya threw her hands up in the air, and turned her back on Costia. Silence fell between the two, only broken by the light buzzing sound emitted from the overhead lights.

 _She has a point,_ Anya’s logic that had been muted during Anya’s emotional reaction finally piped up. “Fine, I’ll admit on paper Lexa is the most logical choice… but her temperament and personality-” Anya began to argue only for Costia to reach out and grab her shoulder to spin her back round.

“How many times do I have to say it?” Costia, now, irritated said, “You don’t know her.”

“Neither do you.” Anya retorted. Costia shook her head and gave her a stern gaze that Anya felt didn’t fit right on Costia’s normally friendly face.

“Yes, I do.” Costia admitted quietly, “The day after your sparring match with Lexa, I approached her to get to know her better. It took a lot of work but we’re friends now… and she is nothing like what you think.” Anya snorted at that, _I’m a great judge of character_ ; Costia’s eyes flashed dangerously at Anya’s infantile response, “That whole rich girl and family connections spiel couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s a foster kid… like you. She joined the military after high school, that’s how she met the director’s sister who recommended her. It’s also why people call her the ‘commander’, it has nothing to do with her thinking she’s in charge or better than anyone.”

Anya deflated marginally at these revelations, unable to reconcile the image in her head of Lexa with this person Costia was talking about. “Alright, so I may have got somethings wrong, that doesn’t mean I have to like her or enjoy working with her.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Costia promised giving Anya’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to like someone to work with them.” Anya nodded tersely in agreement with her friend’s statement. “But I would like it if you approached her with an open mind. Please give her a chance?” Costia pleaded employing the double whammy of a pout and puppy dog eyes.

Anya sighed heavily and fidgeted with her fingers as she weighed up whether it was worth not being openly hostile to Lexa, “Fine, I’ll give her chance. No promises, though.” Anya bit out the words as she stared at the ground.

“Yay!” Costia squealed happily as she clapped her hands together. “I have total faith that you’ll bond over this case.”

_Yeah, right… maybe when hell freezes over._

* * *

**Present Day**

“It’ll be okay.” Raven murmured to Anya as she rubbed soothing circles into her back. Anya held her head in her hands, elbows resting on the table, muttering about how she should have told Lexa earlier. “I am so sorry.” Raven repeated again and again, “My mouth tends to run away from me sometimes.”

Anya lifted her head and gave Raven a soft smile, “It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have hid it from her.” Raven bit her bottom lip still feeling guilty.

“She’s just worried about you.” Raven tried to reassure.

“I know.” Anya sighed nodding her head. Anya knew that Lexa was scared. She had known it the second Lexa had shifted into the commander persona, the emotional detachment that came with that transformation was Lexa’s shield against her fears; it was how Lexa maintained her feeling of control over a situation. Knowing that she had made Lexa feel strongly enough that she had to resort to the commander, even for a second, hurt Anya deeply.

“I’m worried about you too, you know?” Raven whispered into Anya’s ear, causing the hair at the back of Anya’s neck to stand on end.

“I… err-... I didn’t know that.” Anya stuttered back, unsure whether her momentary inability to form a coherent sentence was her sudden awareness that Raven was so close, or that Raven spoke with such sincerity when admitting her concern for Anya’s well-being.

“Well, you do now.” Anya tilted her head and blinked rapidly when she realised how close her face was to Raven’s own. Anya’s breath caught in her throat as Raven, carefully, reached out with the hand that wasn’t rubbing circles in Anya’s back to tuck a loose strand of Anya’s hair behind her ear. “I’ve grown kind of fond of you, Agent Forrester.” Raven said softly. The two women’s mouths were so close that their breaths mingled and embraced with each exhale.

Anya’s eyes widened at Raven’s statement and found herself getting lost in the depths of Raven’s eyes, and began to lean across that small distance left between them. “Raven-”

Raven and Anya’s eyes slid closed once they were mere millimetres away from brushing their lips together. Less than a heartbeat after closing her eyes, Anya felt a cold hand grasp her bicep in an ironclad grip and yank her away from Raven.

_What the fuck?! This is so unfair._

“We’re going for a walk.” Lexa’s stern voice cut through Anya’s dazed thoughts. Anya turned to find Lexa towering above her, gripping Anya’s arm, with an arched eyebrow which made it clear that Anya really didn’t have any choice in the matter. Clarke was hovering behind Lexa with a rather irritating smirk directed at Raven, who Anya didn’t need to look at to know was blushing a brighter red than hot coals. “Now.” Lexa insisted as Anya had yet to move.

“Fine. I’m coming.”

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

“Here.” Anya had to physically suppress the surprise and confusion from taking over her expression as Lexa carefully placed the styrofoam cup of coffee on the desk in front of Anya.

“Err… thanks.” Anya managed to push out, even as she stared at the coffee with deep suspicion. Lexa merely nodded, not wanting to draw attention to her thoughtfulness, as she retook her seat across the desk from Anya.

Anya, Lexa and Costia had been going over the details of the Nia Queen case since early afternoon, trying to build a clearer picture of how Nia’s gang was structured, who the main players were, how drugs arrived, how they were distributed etc.

_It had been a long fucking day, and we still know next to nothing._

The purpose of their research was to give them a foundation before starting the undercover operations. From what they had gathered the Queen gang, which was hidden beneath Nia’s boat shipping company that was the main employer in the port town of Azgeda, was divided into two main divisions each led by Nia’s children: Roan and Ontari. Roan was in charge of the business and numbers, he was well-educated and appeared to handle the pricing and selling of the drugs, he was the personable face and smooth talker of Nia’s gang. He had a good education and didn’t seem as in-keeping with the rest of the Queen’s gang image.

Ontari, was an entirely different matter, she had a rap sheet thicker than one of the later Harry Potter novels. All of the charges were violent and exceptionally cruel… none of them had stuck though, as nearly everyone backed out of pressing charges. _What a surprise._ If even half the charges were true, ( _all of them probably are),_ then Ontari was a full-fledged psychopath if Anya was any judge. Ontari ran fighting rings and was in charge of the training and controlling of the actual muscle of the gang. 

And Nia… she oversaw everything. Nothing was done without her approval or say so. She manipulated Roan easily and kept Ontari on a tight leash.

The bureau’s plan was to send an agent undercover within the two divisions. Costia with her education and charm would get close to Roan, applying to work for the shipping company as Roan’s personal assistant. Lexa, however, would face the underground fighting rings, and aim to impress Ontari. The original plan was for Anya to take this role, but the director had insisted Lexa would be far more suitable with her combat ability.

The three women had spent the afternoon compiling their knowledge into files readying themselves for their new identities and roles. Costia had left Anya and Lexa on their own together half-an-hour ago, claiming that she needed to stop by IT to help create a digital footprint for herself and Lexa’s new identities. Anya had given her a death glare as she skipped out only pausing to jerk her head at Lexa and shoot Anya a meaningful look.

Anya and Lexa worked in silence, only occasionally breaking it to ask questions and queries of the other with regards to information relating to the case. Anya took tentative sips of the coffee Lexa had brought and was impressed to find it was made exactly how she liked it. An hour passed quickly, and Anya only registered in passing how comfortable she was in Lexa’s presence and how they were actually working well together. They both respected the other’s space and instinctively handed files to each other without the need to communicate.

“We should go for a walk.” Lexa said calmly as she stretched in her seat before getting to her feet.

Anya rubbed her eyes as they were beginning to ache and dry out, and before she knew what she was doing she was getting to her feet as well and saying, “Good idea.” Anya rationalised how easily she agreed by thinking that she was so tired and bored of the office she would have accompanied the grim reaper on a stroll if he asked.

Lexa led them out of the building and set a comfortable pace to walk down the street. Neither of them spoke, enjoying the cool night air.

 _Give her a chance_ , kept playing over and over again in Anya’s head, she ignored it wholeheartedly until, _do it for Costia,_ was muttered in the back of her mind _._ Anya groaned at her own guilt trip.

“Nice night.” Anya commented weakly.

Lexa hummed in response, and Anya gritted her teeth.

_I tried, okay? I’m out._

“I don’t like the night sky in the city. You can’t see the stars.” Lexa murmured.

_Alright, let's see how this goes..._

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve only ever lived in cities.” Anya offered in return, “In fact, I grew up in a group foster home only a few streets away.”

“I’m a small town girl. I come from one of those towns where everyone knows everyone and their business.” Lexa and Anya both stared up at the empty sky, seeking out the hidden stars, “I’m a foster kid too.” Lexa added timidly, shrugging her shoulders. Anya glanced at Lexa and watched the cold commander disappear for a second as Lexa withdrew and shrunk into herself.

_Not a good experience, huh?_

Anya had seen that loss of confidence in other kids that turned up in the group home she had lived in and couldn’t help the flutter of pity and empathy she felt for Lexa.

_Okay, maybe she’s not that bad._

Anya took a deep breath and fully committed herself to giving Lexa a chance. Anya opened up a little, not loads, but enough to let Lexa feel comfortable enough to do the same. They completed a circuit of the bureau's building but they had became so lost in conversation that they didn’t notice. They went on to complete at least three more circuits without thought. They were laughing lightly by the time they returned to the office. They hadn’t become best friends during their walk but they had opened up, the ice between them had thawed and there was a potential for friendship that hadn’t been there before.

_Amazing, what a walk can do._

* * *

**Present Day**

“I don’t want you going undercover.”

“I know.” Anya muttered, they had been walking for nearly five minutes before Lexa finally broke the silence. Lexa’s arms were crossed as she hugged herself for warmth, Anya wanted nothing more than to pull her best friend into a hug and promise that nothing bad would happen. That she would be okay.

_I can’t promise that, though._

“Can’t someone else do this?” Lexa stopped to face Anya directly, preventing Anya from even trying to lie as Lexa would see it in Anya’s eyes and in the subtle twitch of her eyebrow.

“Yes.” Anya admitted. “But I have to do this.” Lexa tightened her arms around herself and shook her head to try and fight off her emotional response. Anya immediately reached forward and pulled Lexa into her arms. She rested her chin on the top of Lexa’s head. “If you ask me to, I won’t do it, but I need to Lexa. I need to see this through.” Anya felt Lexa’s body shake as she held off the sobs, and her breath was hot and harsh against Anya’s neck. “Please, please understand.” Anya requested as her own eyes began to water.

“I do understand... you know I do....” Lexa lifted her head so she could make eye contact with Anya; Lexa’s green eyes were dark and tortured, as tears leaked slowly down her cheeks. Matching tear trails stained Anya’s own cheeks. “But I also know how dangerous it is to become obsessed with a case. Don’t let Nia have that control over you, if you give it to her, you’ll never get it back.”

Anya nodded weakly, _Lexa knows better than anyone._

“I know you can’t promise me that you are going to be okay or that everything will be alright in the end. But I need you to promise me that you will do whatever it takes to stay safe.”

“I wi-”, Anya began but was stopped by Lexa’s hardened gaze.

“If something were to happen to you… it would destroy me and more importantly Aden… and Raven as well now.” Anya gulped as images of Raven and Aden flooded her mind and superimposed themselves over the visual of her crying best friend. “You also need to promise that you will keep in contact as much as you can… and if anything happens… let me know.”

Anya took a few moments to gather and compose herself, “I promise. I promise to stay safe as much as I can, and contact you if anything happens. I promise.” Anya breathed out the commitment with as even a tone as she could muster.

“Good.” Lexa stated as she finally untucked her arms from around herself to respond to Anya’s hug equally. Anya squeezed her best friend in her arms and gazed up at the stars.

“You were right, the night sky is so much better outside of the city.”

Lexa chuckled, “I’m always right, you should’ve learnt that by now.”

“Pfft.” Anya dismissed Lexa’s statement with a snort as they disentangled themselves.

“Let’s get back to the bar.” Lexa prompted, gesturing back the way they had come.

“Actually… can we walk back to yours, we could get back before Aden goes to bed? I kind of want to see the gremlin.” Anya said sheepishly, pre-emptively missing the blonde boy before going undercover.

“You’re such a softie.” Lexa teased.

“Shut up.”


	15. Pictures of You

Within half an hour, Aden had decided that Jake was the funniest person he had ever met. As soon as Lexa and Anya had left, Jake had led Aden into the backyard and recreated as many cool science experiments as he could with Abby watching through the window and shaking her head, bringing food and drinks between explosions. As it began to grow properly dark, Abby rallied the boys back inside and put on an action film as they all shared popcorn. Halfway through the film, the front door creaked open and Lexa and Anya bustled in, their arms linked together and groaning from walking all the way home in heels.

Jake and Abby made to leave, but Lexa insisted they stay for the end of the film; Lexa curled up next to Aden and whispered in his ear. The film played in the background as Aden and Jake spewed about their evening, Abby rolling her eyes and adding dry comments.

 _The Griffins would make awesome grandparents,_ Aden couldn’t help thinking. Abby was warm and sensible, and he could totally see her pinning pictures of her grandchildren on the fridge and excitedly chatting away about how amazing her grandchildren are to whoever comes within earshot. Whereas, Jake would be cheeky, and sneak the kids sugar and money and try to teach them how to drive when they were only twelve.

When the film was done Aden hugged Jake and Abby goodbye much to their delight. Lexa reassured them that they would be there for Sunday dinner causing Aden to buzz with pre-emptive excitement. Jake even promised to show the boy his workshop (Abby coughed something that sounded a lot like garage). Once they had left, Aden (following his Ma’s earlier whispered direction) asked Anya to tuck him in and tell him a story (something he had grown out of but still asked of his Ma when he was feeling particularly sad or scared). Anya positively beamed at the request, she had been exceedingly affectionate to him since the two women had got back so Aden knew his aunt would appreciate the invitation even without his Ma’s prompting.

Anya sat on the side of his bed after she had finished a chapter from the book he was reading. Aden shuffled down so he was lying more horizontal than propped up by the pillows.

“Thanks, Aunt Anya.” Aden mumbled sleepily.

“No problem, Gremlin.” Anya patted his leg before standing up and turning out the light.

The next morning the Woods and Anya met up with Lincoln for breakfast at ‘The Hub’. Over pancakes Anya told Aden that she was going to have to ‘travel’ (Aden wasn’t stupid he knew enough from how his Ma and aunt had been acting that it wasn’t simply ‘travel’). Aden didn’t push for information but he did move to sit next to his aunt and hug her tightly, Anya squeezed him back strongly. Lincoln and Lexa let Aden and Anya talk quietly about everything and nothing, as Lexa asked about how Grounder’s had done on opening night.

After they had all finished eating Lexa indulged Aden ( _what a surprise…_ ) and bought him a strawberry milkshake to slurp on.

“Alright, say goodbye to your aunt.” Lexa ordered as she ruffled Aden’s hair.

“What? Why?” Anya questioned in confusion.

“You’re busy.” Lexa stated as if it was obvious.

“No, I’m not.” Anya declared, as she narrowed her eyes; Aden chuckled into his milkshake, his Ma having let him in on the plan before they left for the diner this morning.

“Yes, you are.” Lexa replied coolly as she blew out a breath to cool the new cup of coffee she had ordered.

“Doing what?” Anya spluttered.

“Going on a date.” Lexa said with an emphatic arch of her eyebrow.

Anya blinked, once, twice, three times before squeaking, “What?”

“Raven will be waiting for you outside in,” Lexa glanced at her phone, “a minute or so.”

“I... I…”, Anya’s mouth moved but no sound came out, beside her Lincoln was futilely trying to hide his giggles behind a menu.

“You’re only requirement is to be back at my house by tomorrow morning for breakfast before Aden’s game.”

“I’m not ready for a date! I’m wearing my fat girl jeans.” Anya harshly whispered to Lexa, to which Lexa simply rolled her eyes and tutted.

“You look beautiful.” Aden supplied with a genuine grin.

“Thanks, gremlin.” Anya smiled weakly at Aden for a heartbeat before returning to glare at a rather smug Lexa. “I don’t have anything planned.”

“You don’t need anything planned, I’ve taken care of everything.” At that, Lexa reached into her leather jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope that she handed over to Anya.

“How did y-“

“I’m just that good.” Lexa cut in with a saccharine sweet voice.

“Why-?”

“Because you’re important to me and I want you to be happy.” Lexa’s tone was completely serious, in comparison to her light teasing so far. Anya simply stared at her best friend eyes wide and slightly watery. Lexa reached over and squeezed Anya’s hand, conveying how important she was to her in that simple gesture.

“Thank you.” Anya breathed out her gratitude slowly. Aden watched the two interact with a dazzling smile, proud of the affection and love present in the family he had somehow been gifted.

“Don’t mention it, I had to make up for cutting in last night anyway.” Lexa brushed the gratitude aside gently. Aden presumed that the two women had now met their emotional quota for the week and were about to slip into their poorly disguised attitudes of disinterest in each other’s lives. Lexa nodded her head towards the diner’s front door, “Raven’s here, you should go.” Lexa withdrew her hand, “Baseball tomorrow, don’t miss it.”

“Not for the world.” Anya promised turning to Aden specifically when she said it, Anya got up from the table and dropped to her knees to hug Aden, “I’ll see you soon, gremlin.”

“See you soon, Aunt Anya.”

The rest of the day was spent at home, Aden catching up on homework as Lexa phoned to check up on her deputy, Miller. Anya didn’t return until the following morning and the bright smile on her face was so uncommon Aden had to take his Ma aside and ask if Anya was alright or if she had been replaced by body snatchers. Lexa had blushed and said his Aunt was fine, simply excited for the baseball game muttering inane things like, ‘you know how she loves sports’. Aden had shrugged, simply deciding to enjoy the morning with his two favourite people. Ma produced a load of waffles for them all to dig into as Anya soaked up as much time with Aden as she could, going so far as to ask to see his artwork. Following breakfast, Aden quickly rushed to show off his most recent pieces, Anya filled the role of doting aunt, requesting Aden let her keep any drawings he was willing to part with. Aden happily handed over a few he had drawn that reminded him of his Aunt (they were all sports related or depicted fantastical warriors).

There was no doubt Aden had the largest group of supporters at the game this week. His Ma, Anya, Lincoln, Clarke, Raven and Mr and Mrs Griffin were there, cheering loudly and taking up two entire benches of the stand. Anya was by far the loudest cheerer (and heckler of the other team), she was jeering so loudly at one point his Ma had to whack her on the back of the head and forcibly remind her that the other team were children. Anya had sulked for half an inning until Aden spied Raven kissing his aunt resulting in her perking up considerably.

Aden’s team won again… mostly because of Charlotte (again), but Aden never once got caught out so he was beyond pleased, as was his family. After the game Lincoln got roped into giving Aden’s team mates helicopter spins like last week, Anya and Raven questioned and challenged his little league coach on tactics and training. Charlotte had mentioned that she wanted to invite Aden over next weekend for the day so Lexa was speaking to Charlotte’s parents to organise it for next Saturday. That left Aden standing on his own for less than a second before the Griffins appeared to congratulate him.

Abby gave him a water bottle, insisting on the importance of staying hydrated and the dangers of dehydration, Clarke and Jake rolled their eyes in unison as Abby fussed over the blonde boy. The father and daughter began an easy banter that had Abby huffing with feigned annoyance and Aden giggling happily. Lexa joined them not much later, thanking them for keeping Aden company. Raven and Anya (once they had sufficiently angered the coach) returned; the Griffins invited Anya to dinner as well but she and Raven shared a look that had his Ma tutting and left Aden confused. Anya and Raven both declined the invitation and Anya took Aden and Lexa aside to say her goodbyes.

“Remember your promise and come back soon, okay?” Lexa pleaded softly as she pulled Anya into a tight hug.

“I will and I’ll be back before you know it.” Anya murmured back gripping Lexa harder for a moment before pulling away and reaching out for Aden who practically ran into her arms.

“Love you.” Aden whispered into his aunt’s shoulder, not trusting himself to look her in the eye without breaking down and asking her to stay; Aden knew enough that Anya was going away to do something dangerous and he hated the idea of anything happening to his aunt.

“Love you too, Gremlin.” Anya whispered back softly as she kissed the top of his head. “I will be back soon.” Anya declared as she rubbed the boy’s back soothingly.

“Promise?” Aden asked, instantly feeling his aunt stiffen in response. Even Lexa who had been standing to the side shifted uncomfortably; Aden could tell that his aunt and Ma were having a non-verbal conversation over his shoulder. Lexa had made promises a big deal with Aden, she always kept hers to him and never made one she couldn’t one hundred per cent guarantee, and Anya knew that.

Anya slowly un-tensed and let out a sigh, “I promise.” Aden felt a weight lift off his shoulders, he knew his aunt couldn’t fully promise what he had asked but it eased the fear that had been settling over him. He felt like he could breathe again and wasn’t as afraid to go to sleep tonight.

Anya released him from her arms and placed an extra kiss on his forehead before leaving to link hands with Raven. Lincoln had already said his goodbyes to Anya and left not soon after, leaving the Woods and the Griffins to head back to the Griffin’s for dinner.  

* * *

 

Lexa paused in the doorway of the Griffins' house, thousands of memories consuming her, though one stood out and overwhelmed her more than any other. The night she trudged into the house holding up a drunk and broken Clarke who was begging for forgiveness. The last time she had ever been in this house.

That memory was the reason why, at the summer party, she had avoided actually entering the house, keeping to the garden where she could avoid the taint of the past, at least to some degree.

Lexa took a deep and steadying breath trying to focus in on the present: Aden smiling brightly as Jake led him into the house and directed him to the ‘workshop’, Clarke and Abby walking directly in front of Lexa, catching up with each other about their most recent cases.

Lexa had nearly regained control of her breathing but had yet to cross the threshold when Clarke glanced back at her, having realised that Lexa was no longer with them and hadn’t followed them into the house. Clarke took in Lexa’s expression for no more than a couple of seconds before Clarke’s eyes dimmed and she stopped speaking mid-sentence. Lexa knew that Clarke must have been able to tell what she was thinking about, what she was reliving. Lexa opened her mouth to reassure Clarke, she tried to push her feet forward into the house but her body refused to comply. Clarke watched Lexa’s internal struggle before turning to her mum and gesturing to the bathroom; Abby had finally become aware of the tense situation she was privy to, and nodded as Clarke made her exit. Lexa shook her head in frustration at her own inaction.

“Lexa?” Abby asked tentatively, as she slowly walked back towards Lexa who was still motionless on the stoop.

“I’m sorry… I just wasn’t expecting…” Lexa murmured helplessly.

_I’ve moved on. I’m over it._

_This is different. I’m different. Clarke’s different._

_Why am I letting the past ruin this?_

“Oh, sweetie. It’s okay.” Abby placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and squeezed.

“It should be…”

_It should be what?_

Lexa trailed off as she struggled to put her wish for simplicity, for a new beginning into words, to simply not be reminded of the past.

“I know.” Abby affirmed with such conviction that when Lexa lifted her downcast eyes she saw a look of complete understanding on Abby’s face.

 _How much does she know? Has Clarke told her what happened?_ _Is that why she understands?_

“It will get better.” Abby promised earnestly as she took a step back and into the house. She extended a hand to Lexa and nodded towards it, “Come on, I’ve missed you helping me in the kitchen.”

Lexa reached out carefully and accepted the hand Abby had offered her, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as the memory of the last time she had been at the house was replaced with all the dinners she had cooked and shared with the Griffins. Abby pulled Lexa into the house and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s shoulders before leading her into the kitchen.

It took a little while but eventually Lexa and Abby fell back into an easy rhythm of cooking together as if the ten years had never happened. They shared recipes and cooking disasters they had experienced over the years apart as they drank a bottle of wine. Halfway through cooking Clarke appeared timidly in the doorway, uncertainty reverberating off her in waves. Abby gave Lexa a nudge of encouragement, which Lexa thankfully didn’t need but appreciated regardless. Lexa crossed the kitchen and laced her fingers with Clarke’s and led her to the counter Clarke used to perch on all those years ago, before returning to cooking. She gave the blonde a small yet genuine smile causing Clarke to relax and settle. Abby handed her daughter a glass of wine and returned to the topic of conversation without missing a beat.

Clarke was quieter than she used to be as Abby and Lexa worked in the kitchen, and Lexa kept glancing over to check on her but was always pleased to see that Clarke was merely soaking up the atmosphere and would always smile brightly when she caught Lexa looking. Aden and Jake reappeared as the food was dishing up, both grinning wildly.

_Damn, those two are going to cause so much trouble in the future._

Everyone helped carry food to the dining room; Abby sat at the head of the table with Jake on one side and Lexa on the other, Aden quickly took the seat next to his new best friend Jake and Clarke hesitated only for a moment before taking the seat beside Lexa. Lexa gave Clarke a welcoming smile as she handed over the mashed potatoes. Aden, Jake and Clarke dominated the conversation for the most part, the three of them chatting and joking boisterously as if it was something they did every week. Lexa and Abby held an unspoken conversation with eye rolls and exaggerated expressions at their families’ antics.

Lexa had been happily chewing on her food and tuning out of the conversation when Jake asked, “So, how did you and Aden meet?”

Lexa cleared her throat before answering, “I volunteered on weekends at the foster home that Aden lived in.” Aden gave her a small, guilty smile remembering their first few interactions. “It took a long time for him to warm up to me.” Lexa revealed as Jake shot Aden a questioning look at the boy’s rueful expression.

“Ah…” Jake nodded in understanding as he turned to Aden to stage whisper, “It took a while for your mum to warm up to me too. She used to hide behind Clarke whenever I walked in. She still can’t call me by my first name.” Aden shot his Ma an eyebrow raise asking for her confirmation of this story; Lexa nodded to back up Jake’s words.

Lexa knew that Aden regretted the initial dislike and distrust that he had originally held against Lexa when they first met. Lexa never let Aden feel guilty about their past for a second as she understood where it came from. She knew how it felt to feel abandoned and forgotten. It took a long time for Lexa to earn Aden’s trust and for them to build a friendship, then… Titus had happened. Lexa shook the thoughts away when Jake went straight down the rabbit hole that Lexa was weary of when anyone questioned how Lexa and Aden had become a family.

“What made you decide to adopt Aden?” Jake asked good naturedly expecting a cute story of Lexa realising how much Aden meant to her or Lexa wanting to give the boy a good home and family.

Lexa tensed immediately, her walls going up fast and the commander’s emotionless mask slipping into place. Aden sharply inhaled and focused on his food.

An uncomfortable and heavy silence fell over the dinner.

Jake looked like he had gotten whiplash at the sudden shift, Abby reached for her wine and took a big gulp whereas Clarke… Clarke reached over and placed a hand on top of Lexa’s clenched fist resting on the table. The tender touch sent a small shockwave of comfort through Lexa and the mask cracked as she turned to look at Clarke. Clarke’s eyes were bright with concern and the unspoken question of ‘are you alright?’ shone through.

Lexa knew that fear, pain and darkness must have been radiating from her but she found herself tilting her head forward in a minor nod before turning back to Jake who looked ready to say anything to move away from whatever awkwardness he had stumbled into. “Let’s just say something happened at work that made me realise how important Aden had become to me…”

Lexa licked her now dry lips as she checked on Aden whose eyes had gone wide with shock that Lexa had actually talked about _it,_ about _him._

_Well maybe not directly, but it was still a massive breakthrough._

Aden practically buzzed with pride, and the fear that was clawing at Lexa’s heart abated slightly at the sight of her son and the comfort that Clarke’s touch was providing.

“It was a dark time,” Lexa revealed quietly, as her heart thundered in comparison, “but something good came out of it.” Lexa’s eyes stayed on Aden for the entire time, the words were meant for him more than anyone else.

Lexa wanted him to know that she would go through those dark experiences over and over again if it meant Aden became her son. She had told him that before but never in front of anyone else. Those words had always been spoken late at night after their sleep had been disturbed by nightmares and horrors, when they were curled up on the sofa with a Disney movie playing in the background.

The Griffins allowed the Woods their moment, and Clarke was quick to change the subject to something innocuous and innocent. Lexa and Aden threw themselves into the conversation to help ease any residual tension. Abby bustled to bring out dessert and Lexa wasn’t surprised to see that Aden already had the older Griffin woman wrapped around his little finger if the size of his dessert portion was anything to go by.

It wasn’t until Lexa was finishing up her dessert (struggling to eat it with her left hand) that she realised she was still holding Clarke’s hand. Her hand had shifted from a clenched fist to open and loose, her fingers tangled with Clarke’s. Clarke was running her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand with an incredible degree of tenderness as if afraid of spooking Lexa away.

“Abby?” Aden asked once he had finished his dessert.

“No seconds.” Lexa cut in with a hard yet playful look before Abby could respond. Aden rolled his eyes and huffed.

“I wasn’t going to ask.” Aden whined.

“Uh huh.” Lexa hummed, not believing her son for a second.

Aden shook his head before returning to look at Abby with a pleading expression. “Clarke mentioned that you have photos of when Ma was younger, can I see them?”

Abby positively lit up like a firework at the request whereas Clarke and Lexa groaned pre-emptively at the upcoming embarrassment. “Of course! Come with me!” Abby was on her feet in seconds and was ushering the small boy out of the dining room and into the living room. Jake was chuckling happily at the less than pleased expressions of the two girls who trudged after Abby a moment later.

Abby deposited Aden on the sofa as she rushed upstairs to find the photos. Clarke and Lexa still linked together by their hands, finally let go of one another so Lexa could fit on the seat next to her son whilst Clarke came and leant against the back of the couch, Jake coming to stand beside his daughter. Abby reappeared after only a few moments, lugging three huge photo albums with her. She placed two of them on the coffee table in front of the sofa and held one out for Aden to take as she slipped into the seat on Aden’s left.

Lexa raised a curious eyebrow at the three large photo albums, she knew Jake used to take pictures at every opportunity but she didn’t know that Abby had put them in photo albums. She was pleased at the idea that there must be a couple of photos of herself in each album; that she was a part of enough moments to warrant being placed on a few select pages of a family album.

Aden opened the first album to find a toothy grinned five year old Lexa staring back at him, the young version of Lexa was tucked under a beaming little Clarke. “This is the first time we met Lexa. Clarke had not stopped talking about this girl in her class who had the prettiest green eyes, and she demanded, and sulked until she was allowed to invite Lexa round to the house.” Abby explained to Aden as Clarke moaned ‘mum’ in annoyance.

Aden turned the pages slowly as the Griffins explained as many of the photos as possible. Lexa watched in a daze as a younger version of herself held pride of place in at least one photo on every page of the album. Words clogged up her throat as her eyes began to moisten.

The first album was finally put to one side, the last photo in it was of Clarke and Lexa at eleven years old failing to eat an ice cream, with Abby to one side trying to remedy the situation with a handful of serviettes. Then the second album came out and Lexa’s heart began exploding with sheer love and feeling as she found a younger version of herself taking up just as much space as the first album.

“Excuse me.” Lexa croaked as she shuffled to her feet and quickly departed from the room and stumbled to hide herself in the bathroom.

* * *

Clarke had watched with a growing sense of unease as Lexa grew more and more distraught with every page turn of the album. Halfway through the album when they reached a photo of Lexa winning the ‘Most Improved’ award at the end of a school year assembly, Lexa had excused herself to escape to the bathroom. Aden who was so focused on the photos, luckily hadn’t noticed, but Abby and Jake looked around in confusion. Clarke mouthed to her parents ‘I’ll handle it’ over the blonde boy’s head.

_Knock, knock._

Clarke rapped lightly on the locked bathroom door and asked gently, “Lexa, it’s me. Are you okay?”

There was a long pause before the door unlocked and opened slowly to reveal a red eyed Lexa who had clearly only a moment ago regained control of her tears. “Hey.” Lexa breathed out as she gnawed nervously on her bottom lip. Clarke was again awestruck with how she was allowed to see this open vulnerability in Lexa. She remembered how, at dinner, Lexa’s stoic mask had vanished with a comforting touch and Clarke had finally seen where the darkness that occupied Lexa had originated from for that moment. “Sorry about that.” Lexa apologised shyly.

“Don’t apologise.” Clarke ordered with a determination that resulted in Lexa’s eyes widening in surprise. “Don’t ever apologise for how you feel.” Clarke let out a sigh before reaching out slowly to take both of Lexa’s hands in her own. “And you don’t need to hide how you feel either.” Clarke added softly.

“Okay.” Lexa exhaled as a small, shaky smile took up residence on her face.

“So… are you okay?” Clarke prompted softly as she examined every hint of emotion etched into Lexa’s face.

Lexa sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor whilst squeezing Clarke’s hands to show she was still present, still with Clarke, even if she couldn’t look at her. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Clarke tilted her head slightly and raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t know that I was important. That I would be missed.” Lexa confessed so quietly that if Clarke had not been standing so close to her she wouldn’t have heard. “The photo album… I didn’t know…”

“You’ve always been important. And I’ve missed you every day since you left town.” Clarke said, her throat tightening uncomfortably at Lexa’s revelation.

_I can’t believe I failed that spectacularly._

_How did I not let her know she was important? How did I not tell her how much she mattered every day?_

“You’ve always been a part of this family, even after you left, and you always will be.” Clarke promised with fervour. _I will never let her doubt that for a second from this moment on._ Clarke slowly leant forward until her forehead rested against Lexa’s. “You are loved, Lexa.”

Lexa’s radiant green eyes shone with tears as she let go of Clarke’s hands in order to wrap her arms around Clarke’s shoulders and hold her close. The two girls stayed pressed together their breaths mixing in a gentle vortex as they remained embraced. “Clarke.” Lexa exhaled softly. _I love hearing her say my name._ “Go on a date with me.” Lexa commanded with a whisper.

_What?_

“What?” Clarke squeaked, blinking rapidly.

Lexa pulled her head away from Clarke’s, a smirk dancing on her lips, clearly enjoying their role reversal. “Go on a date with me.” Lexa repeated slowly, pronouncing each word clearly so Clarke wouldn’t mistake what she meant for a second.

Clarke’s mouth hung open and she would have been horrified by how unattractive it was if her mind wasn’t fully occupied with trying to rationalise how her life had suddenly become this incredible. This spectacular.

“Clarke?” Lexa inquired after the blonde had failed to speak for nearly a minute.

“Yes.” Clarke finally exclaimed, as she regained the power of speech. “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

_God, how amazing is my life right now?_

Clare was convinced she had never smiled so widely when Lexa muttered smugly, “Good.”

* * *

“I hate your Aunt! How could she have abandoned me in my time of need?!” Lexa paced and ranted (which was pretty much all she’d been doing for the past two days).

Aden watched his Ma with a bored expression and merely shrugged in response, having heard his Ma complain non-stop about ‘Anya’s stupid timing’ and ‘couldn’t she have waited a week’. “Ma, you’ll be fine.” Aden weakly tried to reassure her, for what felt like the five hundredth time.

“ _Fine_? It needs to be better than _fine._ ” Lexa exclaimed coming to an abrupt stop on the other side of the kitchen island and throwing her hands in the air as a pot boiled over behind her. Aden merely groaned and dropped his head to face plant onto the island’s counter top.

“I’m pretty sure Clarke will love whatever you do, Ma.” Aden grunted for what felt like the thousandth time.

Lexa moved round the island and gently combed her son’s hair and allowed a momentary peace to fall between the pair before his Ma whispered meekly, “You think so?”

“Yes, Ma!” Aden yelled as he whipped his head up to bat away his mother’s affections.

Lexa took a step back and eyed him warily, “You’re ten, what do you know?”

Aden smirked at his Ma, “I know dinner is burning.” As if on cue the stew cooking on the hob bubbled over and a cloud of steam escaped causing Lexa to quickly dive into action.

After leaving the Griffins on Sunday, Lexa had been quick to sit her son down and tell him that she had ( _finally_ , in Aden’s opinion) asked Clarke out. Aden’s Ma had then proceeded to spend half of Sunday evening making sure Aden was okay with the idea of Lexa dating, then the other half of the evening making sure Aden was okay with her dating _Clarke_. Aden rolled his eyes for the entire exchange, completely unfazed by the concept of his Ma dating. He was happy for her, and he liked Clarke. Aden did, though, appreciate how concerned his Ma was with how he was feeling, he still wasn’t fully used to being that loved, so Sunday night he had huffed and ran away as soon as his Ma was done. He regretted not returning the affection his Ma had shown for him. He wanted her to feel as loved as he did.

_It’s never too late._

Aden gazed at his Ma as she dished up their dinner; Aden dropped off the stool he had been sitting on to walk round the island and wrap his arms around his Ma’s waist. “I love you, Ma.” Aden whispered into her back.

Lexa relaxed instantly into her son’s tight grip, and dropped the utensils she was holding so she could place her hands on top of the smaller ones wrapped around her. “I love you too, sweetie.”

Aden was sure of one thing above all else that even if things didn’t go well with Clarke… he had a family no matter what. Having a bigger family was better, it added more love, but Aden and his Ma was family enough if things went wrong.

* * *

“I can’t believe she asked me out.”

“I know! You’ve told me so about every five minutes since Sunday!” Raven whined as she slumped down on the sofa cradling a tub of ice cream. Clarke watched her best friend closely. She had been watching Raven closely since Anya had left town and Raven had become determined to single handedly keep Ben & Jerry in business.

“Raven.” Clarke began slowly as she leant against the doorway to the living room.

“Don’t.” Raven ordered lightly whilst she pointed her spoon accusingly at Clarke. “I’m okay.” Raven added carefully seeing the lines of worry that constantly marked Clarke’s face when she looked at Raven nowadays.

“You don’t have to be.” Clarke reassured, not being deterred by the spoon dancing in Raven’s hand. “Whatever you need, I’m here. I know I’ve got things going on, but if you need me… I’ll be there.” Clarke promised with a determined nod and furrowed brow.

Raven tilted her head to the side as she took in her best friend, “Same here.” Raven promised earnestly in return before sighing deeply, “Dear God, when we did we get so sappy?” Raven complained; overdramatically throwing her head back against the sofa’s armrest.

Clarke snorted, “I’d say when I fell into a pool because of a pair of green eyes and when you fixed up a car with bullet holes.”

“Sounds about right. Anyway…” Raven replied as she sat up and put her now empty ice cream container to one side before tapping the seat next to herself to invite Clarke over, who quickly crossed the room to accept and flop herself down. “What’s up?”

Clarke cocked an eyebrow in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Raven’s gaze narrowed in on Clarke, “Well for the past two days you’ve been jumping up and down, now…” Raven cocked an eyebrow, “you seem slightly more subdued, still happy, just not… ecstatic.”

Clarke pursed her lips in thought trying to determine how best to reveal worries that had been playing at the back of her mind. Overall it all came back to one fear, an all-consuming fear that had started to shout louder and louder as the date approached, “What if I screw it up again?”

Raven’s eyes widened with understanding and sympathy and Clarke watched as she hesitated before asking, “Is that reason enough to not try?”

Clarke thought back to the moment she had first seen Lexa after ten years, how her heart had simultaneously soared and stopped. How it felt like she had finally remembered how to breathe after holding her breath for ten _long_ and _empty_ years. It was probably selfish but she couldn’t go back to that half-existence not when the highlights of her week were bright green eyes and the toothy grin of a small child. Not when home had become Disney movies with a boy that laughed at every joke, and strong arms that held her and weren’t afraid to reveal a beautiful vulnerability in her presence.

“No, it’s not.” Clarke agreed softly before giving her best friend a small, shy smile. “It’s reason to succeed.” Raven beamed at Clarke and patted her on the shoulder, “You want to help me with woo attempt number four tonight?” Clarke asked as her fears settled to be replaced with fiery determination.

Raven groaned as she got to her feet, “Why not? I could do with a distraction. Let’s go.”

* * *

Wednesday. __

_Date day._

That’s the first thought Lexa had when she woke up this morning, it niggled at the back of her mind as she got ready for work it screamed at her when she dropped Aden off at school, as he said ‘good luck’ with a cheeky grin before scampering away. It played on repeat as Vera filled her in on the week, as Miller gushed (smiling brightly like he used to) about the talk he and Echo had given at the local elementary school and the response of the children.

Lunchtime finally arrived and Lexa stared at her salad for what felt like centuries, her deep reverie was broken by a light knock on the doorway of her office. Lexa looked up and it took her a few seconds to fully take in what she was seeing. Standing in the doorway was Murphy, Lincoln, Vera and Raven all waiting patiently for her acknowledgment.

“Err… hello?” Lexa asked in bewilderment. “What… what are you all doing here?”

Raven strode proudly into Lexa’s office, taking a seat at one of the two wooden chairs directly opposite Lexa. “We are your Anya replacement committee.” Raven declared as she crossed her legs and cocked her eyebrow with complete smugness.

“What?” Lexa exclaimed still not understanding why four of the people she was closest with in town were now all taking a seat and making themselves comfortable.

“What Raven means-”, Murphy began steadily from the sofa, sat next to Lincoln.

“Ugh, I can explain myself.” Raven cut in with a groan of annoyance laced with a tiny amount of fondness, “See the thing is-”

It was at that moment Lexa knew she was about to receive a babble of information from the mechanic at a speed that rivalled machine gunfire. Lexa took a deep breath and pushed away her salad in a futile attempt to follow the rapid words about to be spat out at her.

“The thing is, I’m Clarke’s best friend, right?” Lexa started to nod and voice her agreement but Raven didn’t even pause. “Which means when something big happens in her life, I’m her person. She comes to me and tells me all about it. Tells me how excited she is, how happy she is and how ‘pretty Lexa’s green eyes are in the twilight’.” Lexa blushed at this which caused cooing from Vera and Lincoln, and groans from Raven and Murphy. “Anywaaaaay…”, Raven drew out the word, giving Lexa time to regain her natural colour, “she talks to me. She has worries, I soothe them; she gets excited, I get excited with her; she asks how do I make ‘warm clothes’ sexy, I help her pick out an outfit that the Sheriff would want to strip her out of and make decidedly less warm.”

Lexa choked, actually choked… on nothing.

Lexa had texted Clarke the time of their date, and that she would pick her up from the doctor’s office whilst providing the only instruction of “wear warm clothes”.

 _Clarke could make a garbage bag look good, knowing that she was actively trying to look sexy, well that…_ that did things to Lexa _. Like choking on nothing,_ Lexa’s brain helpfully reminded her.

Lexa reached for the water bottle on her desk and began gulping it down to try and regain some moisture into her mouth. Vera chuckled evilly from the other wooden seat, clearly enjoying the reaction of the flustered young Sheriff.

Raven smirked with pride as she continued, “So that’s what best friends do, they’re there for each other. And right now, your best friend isn’t here.” Raven paused and cleared her throat breaking eye contact with Lexa to hide her emotions better, Lexa didn’t push her, _if anyone else understands what Aden and I are going through in missing Anya, it’s Raven._ “Your best friend isn’t here, but we are.” Raven finished, looking back up at Lexa sharply with a hardened gaze.

Lexa took in the four people sitting in her office, all looking at her with determined stares. “You’re here as my Anya replacements.” Lexa said slowly.

“Yep.” Lincoln said with a pop, “We all cover different parts of Anya,” Lincoln explained, “Vera is the common sense and useful advice, Murphy is the disinterest and snark, I’m the Lexa encyclopaedia of previous failed romantic relationships and Raven is the… well… everything else.”

Lexa leaned back in her chair and raised both eyebrows, “Sounds about right”, Lexa breathed as she began to tap her fingers along the edge of the desk nervously, “So where do we begin?”

Vera leaned forward and rested a calming hand over Lexa’s restless one, “How about with what the plan for tonight is?”

Lexa breathed slowly, the hidden weight and niggling thoughts that had been playing on her mind eased ever so slightly.

_Even without Anya, I have people._

* * *

Lexa leaned against the black mustang fiddling with the keys and running through a last minute checklist in her mind. Aden was with Vera until seven and would have dinner with her before being handed over to the Griffins who were taking him to see a film in the evening.

 _Everything for the date was in the trunk… except for Clarke because that would be weird_.

Speaking of Clarke… Lexa took a deep breath before pushing off from her car, climbing the steps up to the medical practice and tugging open the door.

“Oooph”, a body exclaimed as it fell through the door.

Clarke, who had been about to push the door open on the other side fell forward unceremoniously into Lexa as the door was wrenched open. Lexa nearly toppled over as she struggled to keep her footing and prevent Clarke from hitting the ground. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and hoisted her upwards, whilst Clarke carefully placed her hands on Lexa’s shoulders.

They were incredibly close now: flush against one another, arms wrapped tightly around the other in support and their noses brushing ever so slightly. “Hi”, Lexa whispered softly, fully enchanted by blue eyes and a body wrapped in a bright blue winter coat that was clinched at the waist.

_Dear God, Raven chose well. Don’t ever tell her that, it will go straight to her head._

“Hi.” Clarke replied breathlessly, a shy smile lighting up her face.

All Lexa wanted to do was kiss her in that moment, screw the date, screw everything that didn’t involve pressing her lips to Clarke’s.

_Don’t be stupid. Do it properly. It has to go right this time, don’t let anything happen that might get in the way of that._

Lexa shook her head at about the same time Clarke did; Lexa saw the exact same thoughts that she was having flash across Clarke’s face. It was a surprising comfort to know Clarke was approaching it the same way she was, that it meant that much to her that they take it, _them,_ seriously.

“Right, we should get going.” Lexa said as she slowly pulled herself away from Clarke, taking the time to fully appreciate how the blonde was dressed: electric blue winter coat, creamy scarf, tight jeans and well-worn walking boats with fluffy socks. Lexa peeked down at her own clothes, rethinking if she should have trusted a ten year old’s fashion advice. She was dressed in jeans that had seen better days and a brown jacket with a green fleecy interior that was more practical than fashionable.

“You look good.” Clarke reassured, causing Lexa to flinch in surprise at how Clarke could read her.

_Is it that she can read me or that I just don’t put any walls up when I’m around her?_

“You look beautiful.” Lexa replied in kind, as she led Clarke to the car and opened the door for her. Lexa was unsure whether the blush that adorned Clarke’s face was due to her actions or her words but she was determined to do both again to get the same result in the future.

Clarke slipped into the passenger seat and Lexa jogged round to get in the driver’s seat and start the engine, “So, where are we going?” Clarke inquired with a curious head tilt.

“You’ll see.” Lexa replied with a smirk.


	16. Fireflies

**14 Years Ago**

“Keep up, Clarke!” Lexa yelled from the top of the slight rise in the woods. Clarke panted heavily looking up at her energetic best friend who had been pulling Clarke along for the last hour in her giddiness and excitement. Clarke loved seeing her best friend like this. Vibrant and young; it was so rare to see the awkward girl as anything other than shy and reticent that Clarke would’ve trekked up Everest to see it.

Clarke had come to see the woods surrounding their small town as Lexa’s domain, her real home, as opposed to that creepy and quaint house that was either too loud or too quiet. Normally, the woods freaked Clarke out, they were expansive and open whilst simultaneously crooked and confusing. Clarke was terrified of the woods… unless, she was with Lexa. With Lexa the branches didn’t appear twisted but welcoming and beckoning. With Lexa the green of the leaves was dazzling and bright, the earth solid and reliable. And Clarke knew with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t ever get lost with Lexa by her side.

The woods were their safe place and shelter.

“We’re almost there, I swear.” Lexa whispered as she reached out and tugged Clarke’s hand to pull her up the hill. Clarke huffed to regain some oxygen and gave Lexa a crooked smile.

“Don’t worry, I love walking in the woods with you.” Clarke assured with complete honesty and was surprised to see Lexa blushing in response as she turned back to lead on.

Clarke watched Lexa’s back thoughtfully as they continued their trek, Lexa had been doing that more recently… _blushing, that is._ Clarke didn’t know why, and she also didn’t know why it always caused a pleasant buzz in her stomach. Clarke forcibly pushed the thoughts aside as she put on a burst of speed to keep up with Lexa’s stride and in doing so immediately walked straight into Lexa’s back.

They had walked into a small clearing in the woods and Clarke could tell they had reached their destination by the way Lexa stilled and fully inspected the area. Clarke did the same and tried to push down her disappointment, there was nothing interesting about the clearing. There was a recently fallen log off to one side that Lexa gestured to for Clarke to sit on.

“What do you think?” Lexa asked with uncommon cheerfulness as she sat beside Clarke leaving a respectable amount of space between them. Clarke sighed at the space, Lexa was always so hesitant and it hurt Clarke deeply.

The blonde forced as wide a smile on her face as possible and shifted so she was pressed right against Lexa. “It’s nice.”

_Nice?_

_C’mon, Clarke you lie to teachers on a regular basis, you can do better than that._

Lexa snorted, “Good try, Clarke.” Clarke turned her head fully to see Lexa looking up at the evening sky that was beginning to darken, her green eyes were sparkling and she was smirking with amusement. Clarke’s breath caught in her throat and she couldn’t get any words out as she took in her best friend’s beauty. She didn’t know why she was hit by such a thought, and Clarke did what she always did when she felt that light squeeze at her heart, she shut it down. Buried it. Hid it away. She didn’t understand it and it terrified her too much.

“Good try?” Clarke asked curiously as she licked her dry lips caused by the cold evening air.

Lexa turned to look at her, eyes following the movement of Clarke’s tongue, and swallowed loudly, “Um, you haven’t seen it yet.” Lexa said, suddenly shy as she ducked her head and her gaze fell to the ground.

“Haven’t seen what?” Clarke pressed.

“So, impatient.” Lexa replied nudging her shoulder against Clarke’s at the same time. “Sometimes, you have to wait for something good.” Lexa said sagely, nodding her head like a wizened old man.

Clarke rolled her eyes, “There’s nothing good that’s worth waiting for.”

Lexa glanced up at her and Clarke could’ve sworn she saw a flash of disappointment, "You’ll see." Lexa whispered into the stillness of the clearing as she shifted a little away from Clarke.

_What did I do?_

Clarke felt like she had failed a test that she didn’t know she was taking. She wanted to say something, but fear silenced her words. _Thankfully,_ her body reacted of its own accord, her arm instinctively wrapping around Lexa to bring her even closer and tuck her into her side. Lexa quickly fell into her usual position, her body angled toward Clarke’s own, head resting on Clarke’s shoulder and nose grazing Clarke’s neck.

Clarke let out a sigh as she felt herself sink into the blissful peacefulness that always accompanied the closeness of her best friend. Her eyes were heavy and she dozed in the silence of the clearing. She was ensure how much time passed when she saw the first flicker of light in the periphery of her vision. Clarke straightened up, knocking Lexa by accident who flashed her a cheeky grin at the action.

Clarke’s eyes danced around the area as she tried to take in what was unfolding in front of her. Tiny specks of light floated and twirled in the evening sky. The fireflies completely took over the clearing, putting on a show as impressive as any ballet performance or circus. The darkness was obliterated by the light, and Clarke tried as hard as possible not to blink, not wanting to miss a second of the spectacle that Lexa was letting her be privy to.

“Wow.” Clarke breathed, unable to verbalise how touched she was by what she was seeing.

Lexa was staring only at Clarke, her gaze steady and piercing, a small smile of pure sincerity etched on her face. “Worth the wait?”

Clarke glanced at her best friend and admired that soft smile before grinning and replying, “Definitely.”

* * *

 

**Present Day**

Clarke tried to breathe steadily as she watched Lexa drive with a surety and confidence so different from her personality when she was younger. Clarke’s heart was fluttering with every small smile Lexa flashed her, and she was scared that if she took her eyes of Lexa for even a moment, she would vanish again. And none of this would have been real.

They made light small talk for the short journey. Clarke wished the drive had lasted longer, a part of her brain thinking the longer the drive, the longer the date would be.

_The more time, I have to spend with Lexa, the better._

Lexa gave Clarke a small smile before getting out of the car and rushing round to open the door for Clarke and offer her a hand. Clarke took it gladly, her skin warming pleasantly at the touch.

Clarke looked round to see where they were. Lexa had driven down a small dirt track into the forest, and Clarke struggled to pull any recollection of this area from her mind.

“Any idea, where we are?” Lexa inquired curiously as she moved round to open the boot of the car and remove a large picnic basket. Clarke shut the door gently and reached out to interlace her fingers with Lexa’s free hand.

“It’s familiar… but…” Clarke bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to dig through her memories.

Lexa arched an eyebrow thoughtfully as she assessed how Clarke shifted from foot to foot, “When was the last time you went into the woods, Clarke?” Lexa asked softly as she stroked the back of Clarke’s hand with her thumb.

Clarke sighed and dropped her gaze to the leaf-strewn ground, “It didn’t feel right without you.” Lexa squeezed her hand, “It reminded me too much of you. It was our place. I couldn’t go back without you.” Clarke murmured this revelation into her scarf as she buried her nose into the creamy fabric. Clarke couldn’t bring herself to meet Lexa’s eyes and was surprised when she felt a light kiss be placed on her forehead.

“It can be our place again.” Lexa whispered as she moved to place another kiss on Clarke’s cheek. “I feel guilty.” Lexa revealed quietly; her words causing Clarke to lift her head in confusion and shock.

_Guilty? I’m the one that screwed up. If anyone should feel guilty tonight it should be me, I’m the reason we had to wait ten years for this night._

Before Clarke got a chance to say any of what she was thinking or ask for Lexa to clarify her statement, Lexa was examining her with a soft expression and spoke first, “First the art, now the woods…”, Lexa tilted her head to the side, put the basket down and, with her newly free hand, cupped Clarke’s cheek, “you’ve been punishing yourself for far too long, Clarke.” Lexa’s tone was reproachful, and Clarke watched the sorrow burning deeply in Lexa’s eyes.

Clarke exhaled slowly pushing her cheek further into Lexa’s palm and closed her eyes, “I realised the morning after-”

“Not tonight, Clarke.” Lexa cut in quickly, her tone hard but her thumb brushing lightly under Clarke’s teary eyes to counteract it. Clarke blinked her eyes open to see the determination and set lines on Lexa’s face, she was not open to disagreement, “I want tonight to be happy, a good memory, no matter what. I know we need to talk through a few… things.” Lexa’s eyes flicked away for a second before returning, “Let’s have tonight be about us, how we are now. Ten years later. Tonight is about this version of Clarke and Lexa, not the versions of us from ten years ago who hurt one another.” Lexa spoke fervently and finished with a stern nod of her head, “What do you think?”

“I like that idea.” Clarke agreed with a brush of her lips against Lexa’s wrist.

 _It could simply be delaying the inevitable…_ Clarke secretly feared. _When we talk about the damage I caused all those years ago, reopen the wounds they’d both suffered to try and clean them out giving them the chance to fully heal… would the new versions of themselves be able to survive it?_

_Having one night that fully reflected who they are now, what they could be… That might be exactly what we need to make it through. And if we don’t… at least we would have that one perfect memory._

Lexa smirked before slowly withdrawing and reclaiming the picnic basket on the floor, “Good.” Clarke’s cheek burned pleasantly from the caress as Lexa re-linked their hands and led them into their woods.

The walk was bracing, and they talked more openly about the ten years that had separated them than they had before. _It feels like a proper first date,_ Clarke remarked as they learnt about each other and asked those tentative questions about their past. Lexa was curious about Clarke in medical school, and her career history, what made her first interested in emergency medicine and why she left it to be a small town doctor.

“I think I chose emergency medicine because I liked the challenge more than anything else.” Clarke said slightly breathless from the exertion as Lexa who was marginally ahead pulled Clarke the rest of the way up a small hill. “Someone would come in broken and scared, and I had to figure out what was wrong. Stay calm and not panic.” Lexa gave Clarke an inquiring glance at that, which Clarke ducked her head to avoid, knowing exactly what Lexa was thinking and how she was probably right on the money. “Anyway, I loved the challenge but hated the disconnection with the patient, the lack of follow-up. I would see someone at their worst, patch them up and then never know what happened.” Lexa squeezed her hand as Clarke narrated, listening attentively whilst simultaneously guiding Clarke confidently through the wood as if it was only yesterday she took this path.

Clarke spoke of how she missed that patient interaction and how Dante had heard her out and invited her to join the practice. Lexa prompted the blonde with questions about Clarke’s thought process, how her parents reacted and why she was still taking shifts in the emergency room. It was all so mundane, yet intimate. There was a desire to sincerely understand each other.

“We’re here. Recognise it yet?” Lexa asked as she came to a stop in an overgrown clearing that had Clarke’s heart skipping a beat.

“Fireflies.” Clarke whispered reverently causing Lexa to grin widely and her eyes to glow with affection.

“This time I brought a blanket.” Lexa released Clarke’s hand to start opening the basket she brought with her to lay everything out.

“What an upgrade from the half decayed log.” Clarke teased as she spun slowly to re-examine the place Lexa had once brought her to reveal a hidden wonder of the world.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Next time, you might spring for an actual chair.”

“Uh oh.” Lexa groaned as she pulled out the blanket; Clarke momentarily feared that she had crossed a line with her joke when Lexa grumbled, “Damnit, Aden.”

“What’s wrong?” Clarke came to stand behind Lexa who turned as she unfurled the blanket. Clarke snorted loudly, as Batman stared back at her, a ‘KA-POW’ hanging over the crime-fighting hero.

“I had such a nice blanket… it was tartan, and fluffy… and Aden helped me pack the picnic basket. That boy is in so much trouble when I get back. I bet you he planned this, he seemed far too cheery this morning-” Lexa ranted with faux-outrage as Clarke regained control of her giggles.

“Lexa, it’s perfect, don’t worry.” Clarke reassured, purposefully, taking the blanket and laying it out on the ground. “Batman, was always my favourite.”

Lexa pouted and crossed her arms still grumbling under her breath petulantly. _Aden worked wonders on Lexa_ , Clarke reflected seeing how comfortable Lexa was with acting carefree and child-like.

“I always had a thing for a uniform.” Clarke flirted as she bit her bottom lip and smoothed out the blanket. Lexa dropped to her knees and started pouring Clarke a glass of wine.

“Lucky that I kept mine then.” Lexa winked.

“The FBI has a uniform?” Clarke asked dumbly, thrown by the comment as she took a sip of the wine.

“No.” Lexa answered with a chuckle of confusion as she moved to sit next to Clarke, leaving a respectable distance between them. Clarke rolled her eyes at the gap but wasn’t sure whether she could cross it. “The army does, though.”

“Army?!” Clarke jerked in surprise, shifting to face Lexa fully. “You were in the army? When?”

Lexa pursed her lips and fidgeted as her eyes flicked anywhere but at Clarke. “I joined, right after I left.”

“I thought…” A thousand questions barraged through Clarke’s mind. Why, being the loudest.

 _Tonight is for us,_ a thought whispered pleadingly in the back of her head.

Clarke took a deep breathe before moving to be right next to Lexa, the space erased. Clarke placed her lips to the shell of Lexa’s ear and whispered, “I would love to see you in uniform.”

Lexa turned redder than a bonfire, Clarke could feel the heat radiating off of the brunette’s face. Clarke was unbelievably smug with the reaction she had caused. That was until Lexa took a deep breath and turned her head to meet sky blue eyes, and with a playful smirk on her face slowly arched an exquisite eyebrow and murmured, “Anytime.”

_Shit. Game, set and match._

They dished out the food in the hamper, and as it grew darker Lexa lit a bunch of candles that Clarke couldn’t help but mock Lexa about, having heard a few stories about Lexa’s candle obsession via Aden and Lincoln. Clarke knew what they were waiting for and found she was even more impatient now that she knew what was going to happen than last time when she didn’t.

Knowing, made the wait even more painful.

“Not long now, I promise.” Lexa assured as she put their now clear plates away and tidied up the general area before resettling right next to Clarke, burying her face into Clarke’s neck.

Suddenly the desire for the show to get on the road vanished. Clarke was absolutely fine if nothing happened. She would wait forever if it meant not being moved from her current position. She had finally returned to where she always knew she belonged, entwined with Lexa.

“I don’t mind the wait.”    

* * *

The fireflies swirled and cascaded, as mesmerising as they had been all those years ago. Clarke pulled Lexa closer to herself, because she could. Lexa untucked her face from Clarke’s neck to watch her like she did all those years ago. Clarke, eventually (once she had mentally prepared herself) stared back, because she could. Green eyes with specks of red reflecting in them were focused solely on her and there was that small, genuine smile that made Clarke’s heart flutter and her skin tingle like it did all those years ago. And then Clarke kissed Lexa, because she could.

Clarke had been convinced that crossing that distance to lightly place her lips over Lexa’s would be the hardest thing she would ever do. The scariest thing she would ever do. The most life altering event she would ever experience. She expected fireworks. She expected electricity.

None of that was true.

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes had met. Clarke and Lexa both leant forward. Easy. Effortless. No fear or trepidation; a light flutter was all.

Their lips brushed gently. Lexa pulled back only an incremental amount, her nose rubbed Clarke’s as she tilted her head before moving back in and capturing Clarke’s bottom lip. It was soft and slow.

No fireworks. No electricity.

It was natural. Tiny bursts of light and warmth sparked, vanished and relit. Small yet constant. Kissing Lexa was like letting loose fireflies in her body. Kissing Lexa was like finding sanctuary.

_Kissing Lexa was like coming home._

* * *

The kisses they shared in the woods were soft and gentle. Clarke kissed Lexa like she should have kissed her ten years ago. Spending time learning every tiny bit of Lexa’s lips. Letting her know, there was no rush, that they had all the time in the world.

* * *

Lexa was the one that pulled back first, the genuine smile was still on her face which she hoped would slightly ease the loss. Lexa nodded up to the now darkened sky, “I have to get back…”

Before Lexa had the chance to explain, to apologise for bringing the evening to an end, Clarke was already getting to her feet and moving to gather up their belongings, her eyes bright and filled with understanding. “Aden.”

Lexa nodded, filled with gratitude as they finished packing up and began their walk back in the moonlight. They didn’t talk much on the way back, choosing instead to fall into a comfortable silence and enjoy each other’s company.

Lexa opened the car door for Clarke, after putting the picnic basket in the boot, Clarke smiled at the action and rewarded Lexa with a kiss that caused her to blush even though they had exchanged numerous ones earlier. Before ducking into the car, Clarke asked, “Would it be possible to stop on Main Street on the way back? Only if we have enough time that is?”

Lexa considered it, her eyes glancing down to her watch, “We have time.” Clarke smiled shyly at the confirmation before slipping into the front seat.

Clarke was obviously nervous during the drive back, she allowed Lexa to fill the car with idle chit-chat mostly focused on Aden and how excited he was to spend time with Vera and then the Griffins. Clarke hummed and hawed at the right times but her attention was out of the car. Lexa’s palms began to sweat causing her to tighten her grip on the steering wheel.

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Does she want to run again?_

Lexa forced herself to breathe steadily as she drove into town and towards Main Street. Clarke stilled her fidgeting when they were one street away.

_She didn’t…_

_How?_

Lexa pulled over as soon as she could and tumbled out of the car in her rush.

Blue.

The whole street was blue. Every building painted a soulful blue with sky blue accents.

Lexa gaped in total awe at what Clarke had accomplished. Clarke appeared at Lexa’s side and took her hand, “So what do you think of woo attempt number four?”

Lexa tried to say something, anything, but she was actually speechless. No words could describe what she was seeing or feeling in response.

Clarke must have taken the silence and shocked expression as a sign of displeasure as she started to speak at a pace Raven would’ve been proud of. “I know it’s probably too much, but it wasn’t much effort overall, I had a lot of help. People wanted to do something nice for you… because you mean so much to everyone. Octavia made the case to Indra for me to get permission. Lincoln helped with getting the business’ on the street's agreement to let me repaint their buildings. Aden found out your favourite colour and then him, Raven, my parents and the other delinquents helped with the painting. Vera and the deputies made sure you didn’t get sent on a patrol that included the street.”

Clarke’s explanation ended there. Not because she had finished talking but because Lexa had reached out, placed her hand on the nape of Clarke’s neck and pulled her into a deep and passionate kiss. Clarke squeaked in surprise at the persistence of Lexa’s lips. It was completely different to the woods, where the kisses had been soft and gentle. Now Lexa was trying to consume Clarke, push as much feeling into her kiss as possible.

It took a _long_ two seconds before Clarke responded with equal ferocity, her lips parted at the light encouragement of Lexa’s tongue swiping at the seam of the blonde’s lips. Lexa placed her free hand on Clarke’s hip and pushed her until her back was against the side of the mustang, and there was no space between their bodies.

Clarke let Lexa physically move her as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and neck pulling them tighter together. Lexa flicked her tongue and twisted. Clarke shuddered and moaned at the action. Lexa smirked into the kiss and squeezed Clarke’s hip. In ( _a childish_ , if you asked Lexa) response ( _of one-up-man ship_ ), Clarke flipped their positions with ease, her hands trailing down Lexa’s side seductively before finding purchase on her waist. Lexa shook her head slightly in amusement, then Clarke bit her bottom lip and tugged on it.

_Self-destruct sequence activated._

Any and all smugness from earlier vanished as her gasp of pleasure was ripped from her lungs and her knees quaked, nearly giving out from under her.

Clarke released Lexa’s lip with a pop, as she pulled away to take in Lexa, “If this is the reward I get for painting one street, I can’t wait to see what happens if I paint the whole town…”

Lexa chuckled, embarrassment taking over as she realised how public their impromptu make out session had been. That’s when she heard the cronies wolf-whistling down the road. Lexa groaned burying her now bright red face into the crook of Clarke’s neck who merely giggled in return and wrapped her arms around the embarrassed Sheriff.

Lexa placed a light kiss on Clarke’s, now scarf free, neck as she mumbled, “Thank you.” Clarke shivered pleasantly as Lexa moved back and stared into a blue that was brighter than any of the shades painted all over the street, “Thank you.” Lexa repeated earnestly.

Clarke smiled broadly, “You’re worth it.”


	17. The Pie

Clarke closed the apartment door quietly behind herself before leaning back and resting against the door. There was a light on down the corridor, emanating from the living room. Raven was obviously still up and waiting for her to get back. Clarke, though, took a short, sweet minute for herself, allowing the memories of the evening to be just hers and Lexa’s for a moment longer.

“Griffin, I swear to God if you don’t get your ass in here and give me all the details right now I’m kicking you out of the flat.” Raven called out. Clarke chuckled and shook her head, allowing the giddiness she’d been feeling to provide her with enough energy to push off the door and head towards her best friend.

Raven was sprawled out on the sofa with ( _unsurprisingly_ ) another tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Raven was slowly making her way through every flavour available at the local store. Raven tilted her head to the side to examine her best friend, clearly trying to assess whether the date was a success. Trying to discern if their talk was going to feature tears, or blushing, or shy smiles and coy lip bites.

Clarke smiled brightly when she saw her best friend, her eyes luminescent with pure joy. Raven took one look at her best friend and knew. Knew this was Clarke at her best, at the happiest she had ever seen her. “That good, huh?” Raven asked knowingly.

“Better, actually.” Clarke undid her coat and placed it on the back of the free armchair before moving to the sofa and lifting Raven’s legs to take her spot at the end of the sofa.

“Such a sap.” Raven groaned, “I bet you didn’t even have hot sex in the back of the mustang, you probably just cuddled and shit, right?”

Clarke blushed as the image Raven painted filled her mind, she quickly pushed it aside; she wouldn’t change a single thing about her first date with Lexa. “A good date doesn’t have to end in sex.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Raven agreed quickly, she was being careful with her teasing tonight, Clarke noted, obviously not wanting to dampen Clarke’s joy even by accident. “By the way, if you have any salacious details you want to share, you better get them out of the way now.”

“Why?” Clarke inquired with pursed lips.

“Your parents will be here soon and they will want to know everything.” Raven revealed with a smirk.

* * *

Lexa climbed the stairs, Aden in tow pestering her relentlessly with questions.

“Did she like the picnic?”

“A-” Lexa began.

“Were the fireflies pretty?”

“A-”

“Will you take me one day?”

“I-”

“When are you seeing Clarke again? When can _I_ see Clarke again?”

“Aden!” Lexa shouted in exasperation, pushing open the door to her son’s bedroom and gesturing for him to get into bed. Aden pouted heavily, now silent, as he traipsed over to his bed and slipped under the covers Lexa was holding up for him. She tucked him in, sitting beside him and taking a deep breath, “Yes she liked the picnic, the fireflies were very pretty, and if you want to go you know I’ll take you. And I don’t know when I, or you, will see Clarke next, but I hope it’s soon, okay?” Lexa combed Aden’s hair with her fingers as he smiled up at her.

“How about tomorrow, Ma? She can come round for dinner, I’ll even help cook.” Aden pleaded throwing in the puppy dog eyes that he knew were his Ma’s greatest weakness.

Lexa groaned and rolled her eyes at the blatant manipulation ( _that I’m totally falling for_ ), “I will text her and invite her round, but don’t be upset if she already has plans.” Lexa added the last bit more as a reminder to herself not to get her own hopes up rather than Aden’s. Aden was quick to nod his agreement, “And I’m not sure if I want your help after the picnic…” Aden tilted his head like a confused puppy at his Ma’s comment.

Lexa leaned toward her son slowly as she began to sing, “Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman!” Aden’s eyes widened in surprise and then shock as his Ma unleashed a ferocious tickle attack on her son, who screeched and tried to escape.

“Ma! Ma! Ma! Stop!” Aden yelled through his giggles as his arms flailed trying to keep his Ma at bay.

“Okay, okay. Weapons away.” Lexa promised, lifting her hands away from Aden’s sides and holding them up to shoulder height.

Aden eyed her suspiciously as his Ma’s large grin slowly receded back to her small, loving smile that was reserved for only a select few. Lexa leant forward and placed a kiss on her son’s forehead before getting up to turn off the light.

“Ma?” Aden called out causing Lexa to pause.

“Yeah?” Lexa replied with a curious twitch of her eyebrow.

“Are you happy?” Lexa’s heart burst with love at the timid inquiry and concern her son had for her well-being.

Lexa had been smiling from the second she had walked into the house and relieved the Griffins of their babysitting duties. The Griffins had broken out into pleased grins at Lexa’s obvious joy, but they were quick to make themselves scarce after giving her and Aden their now customary goodbye hugs. Due to Lexa’s last minute stop ( _make out session_ ), Lexa had to usher Aden straight to bed once the Griffins had left.

Aden had seen Lexa at her worst, knew that Lexa could hide her real feelings better than most, which was why he knew not to take the smile on her face as being genuine, it might just be there because she didn't want Aden to be sad in response.

“Yes, I am happy.” Lexa confirmed with a twinkle in her eyes that had Aden beaming in response.

Lexa turned off the light.

* * *

Right jab.

_She won’t want you._

Left hook.

_She’ll find someone better._

Two quick steps back.

_Do you think she actually enjoyed last night?_

High kick to the face.

_You kissed her._

Dodge to the right.

_Remember what happened last time you kissed?_

Roundhouse kick.

_She broke you._

_She’ll break you again._

* * *

Bad dreams plagued Lexa throughout the night.

_Not nightmares._

_Nightmares would have my throat constricting as I held off the screams. Nightmares would have darkened the shadows and lessened the light._ Lexa did not have a nightmare, she knew what a nightmare was, she’d had many of them, and this was a bad dream. It wasn’t pleasant and it left uncomfortable and irritating concerns plaguing her mind.

It was a simple dream, ( _it didn’t take a fucking genius to work out where it came from_ ). Regardless, it still placed an unwelcome strain on Lexa’s heart.

Lexa and Clarke were in the woods, the sun high in the sky, walking through a thick layer of leaves as they held hands. Lexa was in a state of bliss as they walked without direction. She didn’t how long or far they walked for until she felt Clarke’s grip on her hand loosen. She turned and looked at Clarke in question. “I’m sorry.” Clarke whispered as she released Lexa’s hand before turning and walking away. Lexa tried to run after her but the leaves on the floor now reached her waist and running through them was like running through syrup. The leaves rose higher and higher before pulling her under. And then the dream restarted.

Walking. Clarke pulling away. Running after her. Being pulled under.

Together. Separate. Alone.

Over and over again.

Lexa eventually threw the covers off of herself an hour before her alarm was due to go off, her body buzzing with built up energy and anxiety. She pulled Bob out of her closet and set to work to beat up her worries and drown out her fears

Right jab.

* * *

**[Lexa] Hey, if you’re free, would you be interested in joining Aden and me for dinner tonight?**

Lexa stared at the words she had typed out and sent on her phone. She had sent it before leaving the house that morning. It was now close to eleven and she still hadn’t heard back from Clarke. Lexa bit nervously at her thumb nail, a habit she hadn’t indulged in since her time in the army. It was amazing how fear and doubt mixed with Clarke regressed her back to that awkward girl who left town.

“Sheriff?” Murphy who had just returned to the driver’s seat of the cruiser was holding out a cup of coffee right in front of her. Lexa quickly stashed her phone back into her pocket as she took the proffered drink.

“Thanks, John.” Lexa murmured still distracted by her thoughts.

Murphy settled into his seat, observing Lexa out of the corner of his eye. “Everything alright?”

“It’s nothing.” Lexa dismissed; immediately feeling a pang of guilt when she saw the flash of hurt in John’s eyes. Murphy nodded and went quiet, sipping his drink to avoid looking at Lexa, he would never force Lexa to talk if she didn’t want to; it was one of his best qualities. Lexa sighed, “You’ll think I’m ridiculous.” Lexa confessed.

“Too late for that, Alexandria.” John replied with a wry smirk, his light teasing his attempt to remove any feelings of guilt she might have.

_He only wants me to speak if it’s for my own benefit, not to appease him._

“Ha ha.” Lexa deadpanned with a shake of her head. They both took sips of their drinks at the same time before Lexa said, “I’m having…” Lexa stopped suddenly unsure of what word to use that would adequately convey her true feelings.

_Doubts?_

_No that’s not right, I want to be in a relationship with Clarke, I’m sure of that._

_Concerns? Worries?_

_Isn’t that making a mountain out of a mole hill? Clarke didn’t reply to a text immediately and I think that means she doesn’t want me? Overreaction much?_

“Flashbacks?” Murphy mumbled into the stillness that Lexa had left following her fumbled sentence starter and inner monologue.

Lexa nodded mutely, it was all she could do. Flashbacks. Déjà vu. But instead of memories it was feelings. Her body was remembering the whiplash of emotion it had experienced ten years ago, and it was prickling with the phantom pain. Relating this new situation with the previous one.

“Understandable.” It was all Murphy could say. It was understandable to feel that way, it was understandable to have a flicker of fear. Lexa bit on her bottom lip and stared out the front window and flinched sharply when a light hand was placed on her shoulder. “You’ll feel like that for a while.” Lexa stared into John’s cool gaze, and blinked once in response to show she was taking on board what he was saying. “If it’s any consolation, I can’t imagine Clarke ever hurting you again. It broke her too much last time.” Lexa gulped, guilt slipping in alongside the rest of the negativity thrumming through her body. “I’m here if you need me.” Murphy reminded her as he removed his hand from Lexa’s shoulder to place it on the steering wheel and start the car.

Lexa clipped her seat belt in, her mind whirring away trying to get control of her anxious thoughts when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

**[Clarke] Hey, sorry for the delay, I’ve been w/ Dante all morning talking about the practice. I would love to join you and Aden for dinner. What time?**

* * *

It was decided. The practice was to be hers within the next couple of months. The legal work was starting now and Dante was handing over the last few administrative duties to her within the next few days so she had time to find her feet before he was gone for good.

Clarke felt drained from the meeting, the outcome was positive for her but it was not how she wanted it to happen. Dante had more or less lost his son and was now giving away the only successful business he had. Clarke understood though, Dante wanted to retire and start anew elsewhere, give himself a chance to move on. Clarke realised it was what Lexa had needed to do as well all those years ago. The revelation that she had joined the army, however, had come as a shock and raised numerous questions in Clarke’s mind, but those thoughts were pushed aside for the morning to focus on Dante.

Clarke had been joyful from the second she had left Lexa, not even her parent’s turning up to interrogate her about how her date went could dampen her mood. Her cheerfulness had waivered whilst meeting Dante and the lawyers but was restored the second it was over and she saw that Lexa had invited her to dinner. The rest of the day was spent counting down the seconds until she could see Lexa again.

The second her last appointment was done, Clarke rushed out the door throwing the keys to Jackson to lock up so she would have enough time to shower at home before going to the Woods’ house. Raven had taken to working late this week to keep herself occupied so Clarke made sure to throw some food in the oven for her and called to check up on her before leaving.

“Hi, Clarke!” Aden yelled in joy as he opened the front door that Clarke barely had a chance to knock on before it swung open to reveal a jubilant small boy.

“Hey Aden. How are you?” Clarke chuckled as Aden ran to give her a hug before tugging her by the hand into the house and through to the kitchen.

“Great. My artwork went through to the next level of the contest!” Aden revealed with a toothy grin watching Clarke closely for her reaction.

Clarke could barely contain the happiness and pride that she was feeling. “That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you!” Without thinking Clarke scooped Aden up into her arms and spun him round, twirling into the kitchen. She set him back on the ground gently; Aden beaming in delight up at her.

“You break my son, you buy me a new one, Clarke.” A mockingly stern voice, that had Clarke’s heart fluttering automatically, called out from behind her. Clarke turned instinctively to see Lexa leaning her hip against the counter, amusement dancing in her forest green eyes.

Clarke sighed at the sight, having to hold herself back from rushing forward and kissing Lexa senseless knowing Aden wouldn’t appreciate it (Clarke was more than aware that having Aden on her side was the best way to stay on Lexa’s good side). “Don’t worry I’m a Doctor, I can fix anything I break.” Clarke teased back slowly stepping towards Lexa who cocked an eyebrow and smiled coyly at her. “Hi.” Clarke breathed out once she was within arm’s reach of the Sheriff.

“Hi.” Lexa replied with a challenging glint in her eye. Clarke, never one to back down from a challenge, smirked as she leant forward and pressed a quick glancing kiss to Lexa’s lips.

“Eww…” Aden groaned exaggeratedly, though he was grinning and shifting from foot to foot clearly pleased with the development in his Ma’s relationship.

_Thank god, I don’t know what would happen if he didn’t like us together._

Lexa tutted before moving past Clarke to ruffle her son’s hair. “I hope you always think kissing is gross, I don’t think I’ll handle you dating well.”

Aden rolled his eyes, “I thought tonight was about celebrating my artwork.” The boy whined as he tried to bat away his Ma’s affections.

“We are. We’re having your favourite for dinner and then you get to pick what we do after.” Lexa reassured as she started to get ready for cooking.

Clarke watched the interaction off to the side, she loved watching Lexa interact with Aden, and it warmed her heart to see how Lexa had grown into such a wonderful mother. Admittedly, Clarke had to push down the pang of regret that she wasn’t around to see it or be a part of it. Before Clarke had a chance to feel left out, the Woods swept her up, integrating her as easily as if she was a crucial puzzle piece to their jigsaw family.

Aden and Clarke took their usual spots at the kitchen island, watching as Lexa bustled around the kitchen. Aden went into great detail regarding his school day and describing how Mr. Blake had informed him about the art contest. Clarke listened eagerly, her eyes flicking to Lexa regularly. Lexa inquired about the meeting she had this morning and Clarke exhaled heavily before regaling the Woods with her own tale. Lexa looked at her with empathy before pulling out a bottle of champagne and telling Clarke, “I know it’s not how you wanted it, but we should still celebrate the fact that you are going to be running your own practice.” And with that Lexa popped the cork causing Aden to bounce up and down with excitement as he told Clarke that she could pick something for them to do after dinner as well. Clarke glowed with the love the Woods were gifting her and found herself getting slightly choked up. Aden gave her another hug whilst Lexa brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek and leaning forward to give her another quick kiss.

Dinner was homemade cheeseburgers and sweet potato fries, with a small amount of salad that Aden and Clarke both spread around their plate in an attempt to make it look like eat more than they did. Lexa eyed both of them coolly, knowing exactly what they were doing, but deciding not to force the point.

Clarke insisted on washing up, Aden offered to help but Clarke suggested that he phone the older Griffins to let them know his good news. Aden jumped at the chance, snatching Clarke’s offered phone and hitting dial. Lexa shook her head in feigned disappointment at her son’s impulsive behaviour.

“Hi.” Lexa murmured as she came up behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist. Clarke shivered, delighting in the closeness, and pausing in her washing up to fully enjoy it.

_It being her and Lexa._

_Together._

“Hi.” Clarke whispered back receiving a tight squeeze in response that had Clarke convinced she might have died and gone to heaven. Lexa dipped her head into Clarke’s neck, brushing her nose against the skin she found there. Clarke hummed at the sensation, which quickly turned into a light gasp as Lexa’s nose was replaced with the softest lips pressing gently at the spot instead. Clarke tilted her head, exposing her neck to Lexa’s attention more, in open invitation. Lexa took the opening and continued to press light, barely there kisses over as much skin as possible. It was soft and exploratory as if Lexa was trying to commit Clarke to memory.

“Lexa…” Clarke moaned quietly as Lexa made her way up and pressed a light bite to the edge of Clarke’s jaw.

_I think this might be the most aroused I have ever been, and I’m wearing all my clothes and holding a dirty plate._

Lexa withdrew her lips carefully and Clarke had to resist unleashing the whine at the back of her throat at the loss as Lexa placed her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke…” Lexa began timidly, her voice wavering with uncertainty that made Clarke’s heart ache with concern then fear when she realised that Lexa had purposefully placed herself so she wasn't looking Clarke in the eye.

Clarke forced herself to breathe slowly, pushing down the fear that Lexa was about to end things between them and say she wasn’t worth another chance. Lexa needed her to be strong, to be reassured that she would listen to whatever she had to say, “I’m here.” Clarke replied softly.

 _I’ll be here for as long as you want me,_ Clarke wanted to add but held her tongue.

“After Aden goes to bed, can we talk?” Lexa asked as she wrapped her arms tighter around Clarke.

“Of course.” Clarke answered with a clear and strong voice, even though on the inside she was a nervous mess. Clarke licked her now dry lips before asking, “Can I ask what about?”

Lexa placed a lingering kiss to Clarke’s cheek before whispering, “You know, Clarke.”

_I do know._

* * *

Clarke and Lexa washed up in silence following that, Aden bouncing back in provided the welcome levity the two women needed. Aden related the congratulations the Griffins had given him, blushing as he did so, obviously shy about having so many people invested in his successes. Aden, having first pick for what they would do for the evening chose ‘Mario Kart’ for them all to play. Clarke smirked, quietly confident having played regularly against Raven during their early years of living together.

Clarke’s confidence didn’t last long.

Turns out, videogames was one of the main ways that Aden and Lexa had bonded when they first got to know one another.

It was a bloody battle for first place. Lexa placed her banana power ups with the strategic mind of a chess grandmaster. Clarke knocked into the other racers like the game was whack-a-mole, her actions had the Woods yelling out complaints and frustrations which simply encouraged Clarke to do it more. Aden, though, was the luckiest racer Clarke had ever seen, the number of times he got the blue shell was astonishing. Lexa mouthed over the blonde boy’s head, ‘I don’t know how he does it either’, when Clarke lost first place yet again.

They played multiple races, picking different tracks each time. Clarke loved every second of losing and how it actually felt like winning when it was time with the Woods. The only thing that detracted from the experience was the talk with Lexa looming over her head.

Eventually, Aden put down the controller and told Clarke in no uncertain terms that it was her turn to pick what they do. Lexa grinned as Clarke gaped, struggling to think of something. Aden took her by the hand and showed her their collection of films, videogames and board games to try and help. Clarke settled on a film as it would coincide nicely with Aden’s bed time, a decision which Lexa rewarded her with a kiss on the cheek for.

Lexa put the film on as Aden settled on the sofa, Clarke sat on the armchair off to the side causing Aden to dash from his seat to grab her arm and pull her onto the sofa to sit next to him, leaving a space on his other side for his Ma. Clarke was unsure about her new spot until Lexa turned and upon seeing Aden curling up into her side gave Clarke that small, shy smile that Clarke adored more than anything else in the world. Lexa fell into the remaining spot on the couch, and swung her arm up to rest behind Clarke and Aden, her fingers combing through the back of Clarke’s hair gently.

The film played in the background to Clarke who was completely enraptured by the two people sat next to her for the majority of it. When it finished Lexa ushered Aden upstairs leaving Clarke to fidget uncomfortably on the sofa. Waiting for Lexa to return was excruciating. Half of her wanted Lexa to come down as quickly as possible and have the conversation in much the same way as ripping of a band aid. The other half hoped Lexa stayed upstairs for as long as possible, letting Clarke cling to these two unbelievably perfect days she got to spend with Lexa when they were full of optimism for the future.

The footsteps on the stairs were slow and measured. Clarke pulled her knees up to her chest and held her breath as she watched Lexa walk into the room and stiffly sit on the opposite end of the couch, her back straight and jaw tight. Clarke exhaled harshly trying to prevent her throat from tightening and her eyes from stinging, “Where do we start?”

Lexa sighed, staring straight ahead, giving Clarke her profile. _Commander, what an apt description for her emotionless mask._ It hurt Clarke to see that mask, but what Lexa said next explained why it was there, “You first, tell me what happened and why.”

Clarke blinked rapidly to prevent the tears from building as she took a deep breath and told Lexa her story. It had been hard and painful to say it to her parents and Raven. Telling it to Lexa was the worst kind of torture, it hurt to say the words and it hurt even more to watch the impact they had on Lexa. Clarke was resilient and made it through and did not make excuses or even try to justify her actions. She ended at the point where Lexa brought her home, her mouth opened and closed with indecision about whether to continue or not.

“What else?” Lexa prompted, her face still stony and her eyes cold.

“That’s it.” Clarke answered confusion mingling with her distraught expression.

Lexa shook her head, her mask cracking as a flicker of sympathy sparkled in her eyes as she glanced at Clarke, “Last night, you said ‘the morning after’. There’s more you want to tell me.”

Clarke swallowed, her gaze finally shifting from Lexa to the floor, “I don’t want it to seem like I am… trying to minimise what happened by talking about what came next, does that make sense?”

“Yes, but I trust you to tell me the truth and I want to know what happened next.” Clarke felt a soft touch below her chin that lightly encouraged her to raise her head and look at Lexa who was now appearing far more like _Clarke’s Lexa_ and less like the commander.

Clarke stared into her favourite green and found the comfort she needed to speak, “The morning after…”, Clarke cleared her throat as she struggled to find the words, “I did what you suggested I do in the first place. I took my time. Spent days in my room just… thinking. Thinking about… you.” Lexa’s head tilted as if she was a puppy trying to hear better, “Thinking about how I felt for you. And I realised… that I meant what I said… my mouth spoke the words that my heart wanted to say before my mind had caught up.” Lexa’s eyes widened in shock her jaw gaping slightly. “As soon as I realised I planned on telling you straight away. To do whatever it took to get a second chance. I was going to see you at graduation but by then…”

“I had already left.” Lexa breathed out slowly her brow furrowing.

“You said you wished I had come after you… that I had found you…” Clarke gathered as much of her courage as she could and reached over to place her hand atop of Lexa’s. She paused to see if Lexa would withdraw it, she didn’t, instead Lexa flipped her hand over to interlock her fingers with Clarke’s. “I wanted to…” Clarke felt her eyes begin to sting with unshed tears, “More than anything I wanted to scour the planet to find you. To fight for you.” Clarke’s voice gave out with a croak.

Lexa squeezed her hand before asking with a gentle tone Clarke had only heard her use with Aden, “Why didn’t you?”

“Losing you was my punishment.” Clarke confessed as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. “I didn’t think I deserved to find you.”

Lexa placed her free hand on Clarke’s cheek and delicately rubbed the tear away with her thumb, before leaning forward and placing a kiss on the opposite cheek.

Lexa whispered gentle reassurances to Clarke, the tension from the conversation weighed heavy on both of them but the past felt lighter as well. They were both different, ten years wiser and separate from their past selves. Lexa’s sweet nothings slowly shifted into confessions about the anxiety Lexa had felt in the morning. Clarke listened patiently as Lexa spoke, her heart shuddering with pain at the insecurities she had created within Lexa.

Clarke waited for the moment that Lexa would say it was all too much work and that it wasn’t worth trying. However, once Lexa finished summing up her concerns she gave Clarke a shy smile and said nervously, “So please forgive me if I’m extremely clingy at the beginning of our relationship.”

The laughter spluttered out of both Clarke and Lexa instantly. They both wrapped their free arm around their ribs as they heaved out giggles. The sheer heaviness of the conversation, mixed with the relief that they both still wanted more and Lexa’s wry comment was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Clarke regained control of herself first, using Lexa’s distracted attention to unlace their hands and wrap her arms around Lexa’s neck. Once Lexa’s chuckles had receded enough that she could concentrate on Clarke, her eyes began to flick between blue eyes and perfect lips.

“Lexa, I’m going to be clingy to a whole new level, I’ve got ten years to make up for. I don’t want to let you out of my sight ever again.”

“Ditto.” Lexa agreed with a wide grin.

 _Hope._ Overwhelming hope for the future flooded through Clarke like it never had before. For the first time, Clarke could see a _real_ future for them, they had acknowledged their past and were willing to move past it.

Lexa darted forward and brushed her lips against Clarke’s; Clarke instinctively knew that Lexa did it purely because she could, which encouraged Clarke to do the same. Surprisingly Clarke wasn’t as strong willed as Lexa and couldn’t leave it at one kiss.

_Ten years to make up for remember? Screw being reserved._

Clarke peppered kisses on Lexa’s lips fast and filled with fondness, the action was childish and Clarke allowed herself to imagine that this is what they would have been doing if Lexa had kissed her that very first time they went to see the fireflies.

Lexa pulled away slightly with a chuckle, “Clarke, if you keep that up I won’t be able to finish our conversation.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in confusion, “What’s left to talk about?” Clarke’s mind having gone blank after enjoying Lexa’s lips far too much.

Lexa placed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead whispering, “What I did next…”

“Oh.” It was the only thing Clarke could think to say.

* * *

**Ten Years Ago**

 

Lexa stared around the Griffins’ hallway, her mind blank and her heart broken. This was the first place she had ever felt at home. Felt like she belonged. And now it was ruined. Her safe place was no longer safe.  Lexa took a deep breathe before striding out the front door and shutting it behind herself.

The night was oppressively dark, and the shadows seemed to reach out for her at every corner as Lexa strode with purpose to see the one person she knew would provide her the comfort she needed to be able to breakdown. Lexa hopped the dilapidated fence and made her way to the window of the rundown bungalow. She tapped lightly on the window and whispered, “John?”

A light flickered on, lighting up the ratty yellow curtains covering the window before they were drawn back and the window pulled open. A harsh frowning face peered out, eyes squinting into the darkness to examine Lexa. The eyes suddenly widened and the frown deepened with concern, “Alexandria? What happened?”

That’s when Lexa realised she was crying, she hadn’t even noticed. Lexa tried to force out some words, an explanation, anything but all that came out was a loud sob.

John moved into action immediately. For someone who had never received comfort himself, he knew exactly how to look after Lexa. His hands reached out for Lexa and pulled her through the window into his arms. He made hushing sounds and held her closely to his chest.

He didn't say anything, he was never one to make empty promises that it would all be okay, he hated them and he knew Lexa felt the same way. The sobs intensified when John pulled her close, and Lexa knew internally in the recess of her mind that he must have been freaking out having never seen her like this before.

Once Lexa had run out of tears to shed and her sobs had turned into soft hiccups, John guided her to sit down on the edge of his single bed.

John’s room was tiny. The single bed took up the majority of the space, opposite the bed was a single window with a closet next to it that held John’s meagre supply of clothes and beside the bed was a set of drawers upon which a framed picture of Emori held pride of place.

“Alexandria?” John asked at a nearly inaudible volume after Lexa had settled on the bed.

Lexa shook her head, her eyes cast to the floor and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

John sighed with a world weariness that a teenage boy should not have, “Clarke?”

Lexa inhaled sharply and hesitated only for a moment before nodding. Lexa watched as John’s hands curled into fists and his body tensed. “D-don’t.” Lexa stuttered out finally regaining her voice. “Promise you won’t do anything.” Lexa pleaded. John would never physically hurt Clarke, Lexa knew that but she also knew that John had a vindictive streak when prompted.

John maintained his sullen silence causing Lexa to raise her eyes to his face and run her hand over his clenched fist. “Promise me, John.” Lexa begged.

John’s jaw tightened and his mouth became a snarl; his fists, however, unclenched under Lexa’s touch. “I promise.” John spat the words out as if it was the worst thing he had ever said.

_He means it, though, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t. We don’t lie to one another._

“John…” Lexa began weakly, Murphy gave her a sharp look which shifted back to concern and affection as he saw Lexa flinch under his harsh gaze. “I’m going to go.”

John shook his head fervently, “Stay here tonight Lexa. I don’t think you should go back when you’re like this.”

“No, John, you don’t understand.” Lexa replied, the wavering tone to her voice steadily disappearing as she gathered her resolve. Lexa had made her decision the second she had closed the front door of the Griffins’ house. She couldn’t stay. This town was no longer her safe place. “I’m leaving Skyark.”

John’s eyes widened in shock and his hands moved to grip Lexa’s biceps and force a staring contest between them. John assessed his closest friend. The person who was more or less his little sister. The person who he had shared pain and sorrow with. He examined and scrutinised every flicker of emotion that appeared on Lexa’s face.

He saw the heartbreak.

He saw the resolve.

He knew he had to let her go.

“Okay.” He murmured as he released his tight grip on Lexa’s biceps. “Okay.”

_He’s letting me go._

“You’re too good for this place anyway.” John muttered before holding his head in his hands, his back curling forward as he hunched over on the edge of the bed. Lexa wiped the tear stains from her cheeks before moving to drape herself over John’s back and wrap her arms tightly around him.

“You’re too good for this place too, John.” Lexa asserted as she cherished what she presumed would be the last time she hugged the closest person she had to a brother.

They whispered their goodbyes and hugged tightly a few more times before Lexa left through the window and walked with purpose back to her house. The Woods were either out or dead to the word in their slumber. They never cared about Lexa’s comings and goings, their only preference being they saw her as little as possible. All they wanted was the pay check from the government that Lexa brought with her. Lexa quickly and quietly packed up her very few belongings, mostly tatty clothes that should have been thrown out long ago. Lexa hesitated for a moment, her hands hovering over the assorted knick-knacks she had been given by Clarke over the years. The hurt from the night was raw and bleeding profusely, so Lexa gave the few belongings only a fleeting glance before turning her back and leaving them behind.

The greyhound left the bus station at six in the morning. Lexa had known that for years. She would repeatedly check the bus schedule as she was growing up, fantasising about the day she would catch a bus and leave, though admittedly all of those fantasies had included Clarke by her side. Them off to see world together.

It was four in the morning, and Lexa had one final stop to make before she left.

The house was decrepit, rundown. It was a house breaking down at the very seams. It sat on the outskirts of town, peering into Skyark atop a small hill, looking down wistfully at the well-loved and lit houses. Lexa pushed open the gate and crossed the overgrown front yard.

Lexa adored this house. Every room echoed with potential warmth and feelings of home. She took her time, mapping out the rooms and running her hand along the dusty walls.

_If I ever come back..._

Lexa arrived at the bus station a few minutes before the bus due to leave.

Her plan had been to go to college, study Law, she had even been accepted at a couple of places. The issue was money. The biggest issue in the world for most people.

She had been working from the second she could get a job, saving and scrimping at every corner. She had hope that she could afford it. Would actually get the future she wanted. A few months ago she had told Clarke her plan, who had been overjoyed for her, then the Woods… Well, they found her savings a few weeks ago and there went that dream. She hadn’t the heart to tell Clarke what had really happened, she didn’t want to reduce the excitement Clarke had for her own future by making her fret over Lexa’s.

Lexa had, therefore, been rethinking her future trying to decide what it was she wanted and really needed. She wanted stability. She wanted to feel useful and like she was making a difference. She wanted a challenge. That’s why she had chosen Law in the first place.

It was a poster in the History classroom that had caught Lexa’s attention and gave her the new direction she had been looking for. The History classroom was decorated with copies of the posters used during World War II to encourage people to sign up for the army. Lexa had stared at them for the last few weeks of school, the words drifting and replaying through her mind. Statements like ‘your country needs you’ and ‘make a difference’.

Lexa left the small town that had crushed her dreams in the hope of seeking out a new purpose.

* * *

**Present Day**

“How long were you in the army for?”

“Five years.”

“That’s where you met Lincoln, right?”

Lexa blinked in surprise and raised an eyebrow, “Err… yes, he told you?”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand. They were still on the sofa and it was getting close to midnight now. Clarke was leaning against the arm of the couch her legs in Lexa’s lap, one arm wrapped around Lexa’s shoulders, her fingers playing with Lexa’s hair that was pulled to one side whilst her other hand was linked with Lexa’s. “When we first met, he was telling me that he had made some mistakes when he was younger brought on by…” Clarke hesitated unsure whether Lexa had gone through the same thing and didn’t want to bring up more painful memories, Lexa gave her a soft smile of encouragement, “something bad that had happened at work. He didn’t tell me what though.” Lexa nodded at that but didn’t offer an explanation. Clarke didn’t expect one and was simply pleased that Lexa hadn’t shifted into commander mode at the mention of this event, “He didn’t even tell me you were in the army just that you two worked together. He told me that you never gave up on him. I’m pretty sure you’re his hero.”

Lexa blushed and looked away as if trying to dismiss the idea that she could be held in such high regard. “He needed help, I wasn’t going to give up on him.”

Clarke’s eyes glittered with love for her strong willed Sheriff. “And that’s why you’re my hero too.”

* * *

Lexa gave Clarke a sweet lingering kiss before she left.

Lexa genuinely felt lighter, they still had lots to talk about, and ten years ago would always be a dark moment for them but the shadow it cast had receded to being just a moment, alongside all the other moments. Moments like hiking through the woods, Disney movies and ice cream, watching fireflies late at night, Fourth of July fireworks and falling into pools at the mere sight of one another. The effect of ten years ago was now pushed back to being a moment not the whole story.

Once Clarke had left, Lexa locked up the house and turned off the lights, heading to bed. They had agreed they would see each other Saturday, Clarke inviting Lexa over to her apartment and offering to cook lunch for her (Lexa accepted the invite but the memories of Clarke’s previous baking attempts played ominously at the back of her mind) whilst Aden was out with Charlotte. Lexa checked her phone and was pleased to see their ‘Mutually Assured Clinginess’ had started in earnest.

**[Clarke] Already missing you xx**

Lexa’s heartbeat fluttered in pleasure as she typed out her reply before rolling over and going to sleep, pleasant dreams dominating her slumber.

**[Lexa] I miss you too xx**

Friday was spent behind the Sheriff’s desk catching up on paperwork and organising a more in depth training scheme for the deputies. Lexa had lunch with Vera and Murphy, talking through her ideas whilst simultaneously the childhood friends helped Vera with her crossword, who merely huffed at the ‘unnecessary’ assistance. Vera had taken on a grandmother-like role for Lexa and Murphy, which was noticeable by how she never took from Lexa’s secret candy stash instead topping it up regularly with Lexa’s favourite treats. And how she would brush lint off Murphy’s clothes and make him stand up straighter, forcing him to take pride in his appearance.

Clarke and Lexa texted throughout the day, barely going a few minutes before replying. It was a bit over the top but Lexa had never had a teen romance filled with texting when she was younger so she felt like she was making up for her past. Friday night was mother and son time. Aden drawing in his den as Lexa read on the sofa nearby. Aden had gotten into drawing more fantasy scenes, his new dream was to be a video game or movie concept artist, a calling Lexa was more than happy to encourage his interest in.

Clarke texted to say she was spending the evening with Raven, her worry for her best friend apparent. Lexa sent her reassurances that Anya was one of the best agents she knew and if Raven wanted to be around someone going through the same thing Lexa was more than willing to make time for her.

Saturday rolled in and Lexa was up early to make pancakes, eagerly awaiting when she would see Clarke for their second date.

_Or is it third? Did dinner and Mario Kart count as a second date? Did I bring my son along on a second date…? Shit._

_Wait a second if this is the third date that means…_

_Shit._

The pancake Lexa was flipping hit the ceiling and stayed there, resiliently. Lexa stared at it for a moment deciding whether or not to get the broom from the cupboard to knock it down when Aden bounded into the kitchen. What he was wearing removed the ceiling pancake from Lexa’s mind. Lexa stared at her son as she moved to rest her hip against the counter.

“Uh… sweetie…” Lexa began slowly.

“Yeah, Ma?” Aden asked brightly.

“Why are you wearing a suit?”

Aden blinked as he fiddled with the poorly tied tie around his neck, “I’m seeing Charlotte today.” He said matter-of-factly.

“And you need to wear a suit for that because…?” Lexa prompted with a quizzical eyebrow raise.

“Aren’t you supposed to get dressed up before a date?”

The pancake fell from the ceiling and hit the floor with a loud ‘clap’.

_I am so not ready for today._

* * *

Clarke was so ready for today.

She had picked out a simple pasta dish to make for lunch that she hoped Lexa would like and she was even going to bake a pie for dessert as she remembered how much Lexa seemed to enjoy the cupcakes she had made previously. Raven was working for most of the day, choosing to keep busy as much as possible so the apartment was going to be solely hers and Lexa’s. She was even wearing a tight blue jumper that accentuated her curves, it was hard to squeeze into and out of but Clarke doubted that things would progress to the stage where she was trying to strip out of it. Clarke’s plan was an easy meal, nice conversation and maybe some making out on the sofa.

_Take things slow._

Clarke put the finishing touches to her pie, she would throw it in the oven just before they sat down for dinner. It was lopsided but Clarke was sure it would turn out alright. Lexa knocked at the door promptly at noon, she was holding a bouquet of pink lilies, Clarke’s favourite flowers. She was dressed casually in tight jeans and a white t-shirt that kept well-toned biceps on display. Clarke swallowed trying to regain some moisture in her mouth.

“Hi.”

 _Dear God, we need a new greeting,_ Clarke thought weakly. _If anyone else says ‘hi’ to me I’m distracted for hours thinking about Lexa._

“Hi.” Lexa responded with a coy smirk as she leant forward and kissed Clarke deeply, one hand being placed delicately on Clarke’s hip to bring her closer. Lexa pulled away slowly, brushing their noses together as she did so. Clarke’s eyes flickered open slowly in a daze.

“Hi.” Clarke repeated without thinking.

Lexa chuckled, “Are you going to invite me in?”

That helped clear the fog from Clarke’s mind and she quickly tugged Lexa into the apartment and gave her a tour. The lilies were put into a vase and placed on the cleared table for them to eat at. Clarke asked if Aden was excited to spend the day with Charlotte, causing Lexa to go into a lengthy rant about how her son was far too young to date. And how he was dressed in a suit and she couldn’t decide whether to rush and take photos or send him upstairs to get changed (she did both). Clarke listened to her with a bemused smile, loving Lexa’s vibrant monologue as she gushed about her son. Clarke dished them up their dinner and put her pie in the oven, Lexa was so focused as she spoke that Clarke had to guide her to the table, sit her down and put the fork in her hand.

They finished the food quickly as they talked about Aden and how he was growing up so fast. “I’m sorry.” Lexa apologised, carefully putting her fork down and flashing a shy smile at Clarke.

Clarke blinked in surprise, “What for?”

 _We’ve been having an amazing time,_ Clarke thought. _Shit, maybe she hated the pasta…_

“All I’ve talked about is my son potentially going on a date... it’s not exactly the most romantic of conversations.” Lexa said sheepishly, pushing the plate aside so she could rest her crossed arms on the table and lean towards Clarke.

Clarke shrugged, dismissing Lexa’s worry easily, “I love listening to you talk about Aden and I want to know what he’s up to and if he’s about to go on his first date.” Clarke reassured with complete sincerity resulting in Lexa’s smile widening and her eyes glinting with mischief that made Clarke’s breath catch in her throat.

Lexa lightly caressed Clarke’s hand as she leant over the corner of the table stopping only a few centimetres shy of brushing their lips together. “Either way let me make it up to you.”

Clarke could just about bring herself to nod before they dived towards one another.

As they crashed together Clarke couldn’t help but think, _best date ever._

* * *

Abby had been called in to do an emergency surgery in the early hours of Saturday morning after which she was dragged from one problem to the next. It was past lunchtime before she felt like she could make her escape and return to her husband. Jake had wanted for them to spend the day together just the two of them. Abby had been busy all week, their one free evening had been the night they had babysat Aden so the couple had been really looking forward to some uninterrupted time together. Abby, however, knew that, even though the time should have been about her and Jake, they would spent most of it talking about Clarke and Lexa ( _or ‘Clexa’ as Raven had taken to calling them in private_ ).

Abby and Jake had been holding their breaths ever since Lexa had come back into town and saw their daughter come alive in front of their eyes at the same time. Abby had been buzzing with emotion and love at the return of her surrogate daughter. She had been holding onto so much regret about not doing more for Lexa when she was younger. Not doing more to give her a family that truly cared about her well-being. Now, that she had that chance again she was determined to maximise the opportunity. She had already grown to care deeply for the small boy Lexa had taken in and wanted to be as involved as possible without over-stepping. That was something Abby knew she was often guilty of doing and she had expected Jake to be there to pull her back but to her surprise he was just as bad as she was when it came to wanting to be involved. They were egging each other on equally and hoping they didn’t push too far.

“Err… Dr. Griffin?” A timid young doctor approached Abby as she was two strides away from the door, her shoulders slumped in response and she had to resist the wistful groan as her freedom slipped away.

Abby turned to face the fresh-faced doctor who clearly felt uncomfortable approaching the chief of surgery, “Yes?” Abby sighed out in exhaustion.

“Umm… the emergency doctor thought you might like to know that they brought Dr. Griffin…” The young doctor blinked rapidly, “err… your daughter, in a few moments ago.”

Abby’s tired-addled mind tried to think through what the doctor was saying. Clarke was on a date with Lexa, she knew that, Clarke had purposefully not taken a shift in the emergency room to have the day free. “I didn’t think Clarke was working today.” Abby muttered.

The young doctor paled slightly before uttering, “Err… Dr. Griffin didn’t come in to work, she came in as a patient.”

“What?!” Abby exclaimed.

The young doctor, clearly realising this situation was well-above his pay grade gave Abby directions and high-tailed it out of there. Abby dashed through the hospital at full speed. She yanked the curtain back in the bed area from which she could hear Clarke resisting being prodded by the on call doctor. The blonde was sat on the bed with a visible bump on her forehead and the biggest pout that Abby had ever seen on her face. Lexa was sat beside her, fussing over her blue-eyed companion; Abby was unsurprised to see Clarke preening under Lexa’s attention. Dr. Grant, though, who was trying to examine a less than willing Clarke ( _Doctors always did make the worst patients_ ) seemed to sag with relief at Abby’s arrival.

“What happened?!” Abby shouted as she moved closer to take over the examination, the main intent being to determine if the blonde was suffering from a concussion.

Clarke turned the darkest shade of red that Abby had ever seen and her eyes looked anywhere but at her mother. Even the Sheriff blushed and ducked her head. Before either girl had a chance to answer Abby, the curtain surrounding the bed was yanked back yet again to reveal a wide-eyed Raven.

“You set the apartment on FIRE?!” Raven screeched.

 _What the fuck happened on their date?_ Was all Abby could think.

* * *

The kissing escalated and moved from the table to the sofa, much to Clarke’s pleasure. Clarke made sure to keep her hands to neutral zones, Lexa’s waist and hips.

 _Take it slow,_ she kept reminding herself. _It’s only the second date._

Her hands and lips, though, were burning with desire to map every inch of Lexa’s skin, to press their bodies tightly together and eliminate any and all space between them. The rational side of her brain that was telling her to slow things down was quickly losing its volume, especially when Lexa pushed her gently onto her back, Lexa’s well-toned arms resting on either side of Clarke’s head propping her upper body up so she wasn’t resting fully on Clarke. _She’s leaving space… it’s the damn firefly show again._ Any complaints about the slight distance vanished as Lexa ducked her head and gave a repeat performance of Thursday night when her lips lavished attention on Clarke’s neck and jaw.

Moans and whimpers of pleasure fell easily from Clarke’s mouth, her own hands running lightly up and down Lexa’s back. She was desperate to dip her hands underneath Lexa’s white shirt and feel the bare skin hidden below directly.

Lexa sucked on her pulse point, and Clarke could have sworn she saw stars in that moment and her fingers dug deeply into Lexa’s back. “Lexa.” Clarke panted out, her fingers un-digging and moving to lightly push Lexa back by the shoulders.

Lexa immediately moved away her eyes widening with worry that she had gone too far. Clarke caressed the brunette’s cheek and whispered, “If you continue doing that, taking things slow is going to go right out the window and it’s only the second date.”

Lexa blinked slowly as she absorbed what Clarke said and regained an even breathing pattern. Lexa was silent as her green eyes inspected every inch of Clarke’s flushed face, a smile slowly growing on her lips and her gaze becoming determined and resolute causing a molten heat to build in Clarke’s lower body. Lexa dipped her head forward bypassing Clarke’s lips and coming to rest against her ear, “Third date, actually.”

Less than a minute later Clarke was lying on her bed, absolutely no space between her and Lexa’s body. The move from the sofa had involved Clarke wrapping her legs around Lexa and pulling her as close as possible when Lexa gripped Clarke’s thighs and lifted her up. Carrying Clarke with ease Lexa strode purposefully to the bedroom Clarke had shown her on the tour when she had first arrived.

Clarke now confident that Lexa was alright with moving things forward, slipped her hands under the white shirt that had been taunting her. Clarke’s fingers tentatively explored the skin now made available to her. They had been kissing deeply when Lexa stilled all of a sudden as Clarke’s fingertips found the first scar. It was long and jagged, starting at Lexa’s hip and moving up to the centre of her back. Lexa eyes were dark and apprehensive as she pulled away. Clarke stopped tracing the scar watching Lexa closely instead.

“It’s okay.” Clarke whispered. “I want you, Lexa. Every inch, every scar. I want you.”

A crinkle appeared on Lexa’s forehead as she struggled to fully take in what Clarke was saying. It took a moment but the crinkle vanished and a breath-taking smile lit up Lexa’s face. Clarke smirked in return as she rolled her hips to flip their positions so Lexa was on her back instead. The Sheriff looked positively shocked that Clarke had managed to put her on her back.

 _Clearly Lexa is used to running the show._ Clarke raised her eyebrows in delight at the thought.

“How about I go first?” Clarke offered with the sultriest tone she could. Clarke wanted to make Lexa feel as comfortable as possible so she hoped going first in removing her clothes would provide that to Lexa.

Lexa swallowed as her eyes drifted down Clarke’s upper body, her hands gripping Clarke’s hips tightly as Clarke straddled her. _I knew I made the right choice with the blue sweater,_ Clarke thought as she took in Lexa’s hungry gaze. Lexa slowly lifted her eyes back up to Clarke’s blue ones and gave a strong, singular nod.

Clarke grabbed the bottom of her tight blue jumper and began to lift it up.

_Damn this is tight._

Clarke pulled the piece of clothing past her waist and over her breasts when… it got stuck.

Clarke’s arms waved futilely in the air, her head covered by the woolly sweater she was unable to squeeze past her shoulders.

_This is so fucking embarrassing. This can’t get any worse._

Clarke grunted as she tried to free herself; she was just about to ask Lexa for help when the fire alarm started to go off.

_FUCK, THE PIE!_

“Fuck, the pie!” Clarke shouted as she jumped off Lexa’s prone form and dashed towards what she hoped was the door, still blind from the sweater covering her head.

BANG!

Everything went black as Clarke ran straight into the bedroom door that Lexa had considerately closed behind them when they had entered. Something Clarke might have remembered if she hadn’t been so distracted.


	18. Promises

Abby was speechless. Which even she had to admit was a rare occurrence.

Raven opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, trying to form words. Clarke was looking up at the ceiling muttering something along the lines of ‘please god, let the floor open up and swallow me whole’. Lexa tapped her knee to some unrecognisable rhythm. Dr. Grant had to leave the room as he couldn’t control his laughter.

“So…” Raven began, finally able to vocalise her thoughts and questions, “you”, she pointed a finger at the blonde who was obviously wishing to be anywhere but here, “knocked yourself out trying to get laid?”

 _I so don’t want to hear this,_ Abby whined internally.

Clarke fell backwards on the bed and hid her face beneath her hands as she groaned. Lexa shifted into her stoic mask, less to protect herself and more to prevent the bubble of laughter vibrating through her chest from escaping.

“And the fire…?” Abby asked trying to move away from her daughter’s antics.

 _She is so her father’s daughter,_ Abby acknowledged. _Poor girl._

“I took care of it.” Lexa quickly answered. _Of course, she did. Always running into fires._ “I put the fire out. I assume Jake was the one who insisted that there was a fire extinguisher in the apartment?” Lexa inquired with an arched eyebrow.

Raven and Abby nodded mutely as Clarke merely groaned.

“I also phoned the fire and ambulance services. I insisted Clarke go to the hospital to get checked out for a concussion… she was resistant.” Another groan from the blonde. “What’s the prognosis on the apartment?” Lexa asked turning to Raven.

Raven sighed, “No major damage but the smoke means we need to stay out of the apartment for a few days.” Lexa gave Raven an apologetic smile.

“I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.” Abby remarked, “I would have thought you two would have learnt not to try and burn houses down by now.”

An even louder groan from Clarke this time, prompting Lexa to pat the blonde’s leg affectionately.

“You both are welcome to stay at my house.” Lexa offered, “We have a spare room and a couple of sofas free.”

The invitation Abby had been about to give to her currently homeless daughter and best friend died on her lips. _I resisted meddling for ten years, I deserve to be able to meddle now and to be honest I haven’t been alone with my husband for over a week._ Abby held her tongue. Clarke knew that there was room for her at her parent’s home if she wanted it, but Abby would leave it up to Clarke to ask.

Raven caught Abby’s eye and flicked her eyes over to the blonde who was peeking out from beneath her hands now. Abby smirked as Raven caught on. “That would be perfect, thanks Lexa. I call dibs on the spare bed as _I_ wasn’t the one to set fire to the flat.”

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

Anya grunted as she face planted onto the table in the diner. Costia, who she had sat next to, patted her head fondly as Lexa, opposite, pushed a steaming cup of coffee towards the older agent. “Thanks.” Anya murmured as one of her hands reached out and gripped the off colour mug.

“So… are we ready, then?” Costia asked ( _far too chirpily for this early in the morning, in my opinion_ ). Anya pushed herself up off the table with a deep sigh.

She was exhausted. She and Lexa had been up into the early hours sorting out the final details for Lexa’s cover identity. Costia was already sorted and ready to go, it was to be her first day on the job starting this morning (hence their early meeting) as Roan’s secretary at Queen Transport. Getting Costia the job had been far more straightforward than they had all expected, _we probably should have realised though considering how charming Costia can be when she wants something._ Anya flicked her eyes between Costia and Lexa, who was barely showing any ill effects from their late night, _bitch (I mean that affectionately this time, though)._ Costia was continually glancing at Lexa when she wasn’t looking, admiring the cold and distant girl as if she was a work of art. Costia’s charming side had also been appearing more and more when she was in Lexa’s company.

 _Clearly, Costia has already decided what she wants next. That will be interesting to watch, well it’ll be interesting to actually see the unflappable commander flustered,_ Anya thought to herself smugly.

Anya and Lexa were… friends, kind of. _We’re working on it, at least._

They had been working closely together for the past couple of weeks since their walk and they had developed a camaraderie ( _mostly based on disinterest and insults_ ). Lexa’s profile was harder to construct and finding an in with Ontari without provoking too much interest into her past was difficult, especially if the paranoia mentioned in Ontari’s psych profile was accurate.

“We’re ready.” Anya confirmed, _well, as ready as we’ll ever be._ “Extraction protocol?” Anya challenged. _If there was anything they needed to know above all else it was this._

Costia straightened up in her seat, imitating Lexa’s normal military posture, and spoke out clearly, “If my cover is blown, or I have suspicion enough to believe my cover is blown, I will send out my code word using the hidden app. I, then, make my way to the motel on ‘Cradle Road’ employing tactics to prevent anyone following me. I check in under the name ‘Violet Donavon’ this will activate the extraction team who will arrive within two hours.”

The hidden app was a simple concept, it looked like a scrabble-esque game where you played against random online opponents. This particular app though could be linked to another phone, and would allow communication of singular words (too avoid raising suspicion), eliminating the chance that the undercover agent would be connected to someone they shouldn’t. They had planned check in times and regular communication methods but the hidden app would enable an immediate and discrete way to send out a signal for help even if they were in the company of those who would do them harm.

Anya squeezed Costia’s shoulder to acknowledge her correct answer, she then nodded at Lexa, “What’s the name you give at the motel?”

Lexa arched an eyebrow as if to say, ‘do you really think I don’t know by now?’ _,_ but her military background meant she never questioned orders or denied answering her superiors, “Danielle Richards.”

Anya shifted in her seat. The two girls were ready, but Anya wasn’t. She had grown extremely attached to the young agents, especially Costia, she wasn’t ready to send them out into such a dangerous situation. Anya pushed the fears aside, knowing that time was against them, “Alright, what’s your code word going to be?”

Costia’s face went blank, “Err… what should it be?”

“Something unique to you, that way no one will be able to guess it.” Anya advised. Lexa had tilted her head and was looking off to the distance, deep in thought.

Costia chewed on a fingernail, her brow furrowed in concentration, _she looks like she’s trying to choose a name for her firstborn, not a simple codeword. God, newbies are so frustrating._

“The codeword is for when everything goes to shit, so pick a word that reminds you of the last time that happened to you.” Anya suggested after the young agents had remained silent for far too long.

“What’s yours then?” Costia asked with a curious tone.

“Ripa.”

“Reaper?” Costia blinked heavily as she studied Anya’s face. Lexa didn’t acknowledge the conversation but Anya knew she was listening attentively.

“Yeah, but spelt differently.” Anya answered with a shrug. “It’s the last name of my ex-fiance.” Anya explained before Costia could ask for more information.  

Costia gnawed at her bottom lip so hard, Anya was worried that she would chew right through it. Lexa had gone even more silent if that was possible, and her commander mask had, surprisingly, vanished to reveal expressive green eyes sparkling with empathy that had Anya ducking her head to avoid their stare. There was so much emotion and understanding in Lexa’s simple glance that Anya couldn’t understand how she hid it almost all of the time.

“Maunon.” Lexa stated breaking the awkward silence and giving them a chance to move away from Anya’s revelation.

“What?” Anya blurted before she had a chance to stop herself.

“It’s my code word.” Lexa answered with a tone that said, 'I thought that was obvious' _._

Anya gritted her teeth in annoyance, “Yes, but what is ‘Maunon’?” Anya put exaggeratedly large air quotes around the word resulting in Lexa’s constant frown twitching ever so slightly in amusement.

Lexa cleared her throat, “It’s a street name in the town I used to live in.”

“And…?” Anya prompted twirling her hand in a ‘go on’ motion.

Lexa’s commander face slipped back on and the wealth of emotion and feeling vanished behind dead eyes, making Anya’s heart ache uncomfortably.

_There’s still so little I know about her._

“It’s where everything went to shit.” Was all Lexa said in answer.

* * *

**Present Day**

Aden had had an amazing day. His Ma had dropped him off at Charlotte’s at eleven, she had made him change clothes but he was glad she did ( _not that I will admit it later_ ). Charlotte had shown him round the house and then they had played catch in the backyard with Charlotte’s older brothers. Aden was instantly in awe of Dylan and Mark who seemed almost as cool as his uncle Lincoln ( _however, they were nowhere near as cool as his aunt Anya_ ) _._ He watched with well-hidden jealously at how the siblings interacted and teased one another, it reminded of how his Ma, Lincoln and Anya interacted.

Aden had never been close with the other kids at the foster homes he had lived in. They were all loud and wanted to be the focus of attention at all times. Aden preferred the shadows and the quiet meaning he was often overlooked and didn’t actively seek out friendship. Aden felt guilty for secretly wanting a bigger family, he felt like he was beyond lucky to have a Ma like Lexa, but he found himself wishing for a little brother or sister to share his childhood with.

Dylan and Mark teased Aden as much as they teased Charlotte. They even took him aside and did ‘the talk’, it didn’t really faze Aden, though, he had seen his Ma when she was threatening someone and they had nothing on her. Charlotte’s parents invited the kids in for a buffet lunch. The food was good but what made it great was that Charlotte held his hand for the whole meal.

Charlotte then asked if Aden would teach her to draw. Aden jumped at the chance, and he spent the afternoon teaching Charlotte to sketch out different templates and shapes which would provide a good starting point for things she might want to draw later. Time flew by and before he knew it his Ma was at the door to pick him up. She spoke to Charlotte’s parents for a while suggesting they make it a regular thing; Charlotte could come to their house next week instead. Aden and Charlotte both loudly encouraged the arrangement.

Aden raced ahead to the car and slid into the passenger seat as Lexa followed more sedately.

“Hey, kid.”

“Hey, Ade.”

Aden flinched sharply and turned round in his seat in terror to find Raven and Clarke seated behind him. Aden stared at them blankly, “What are you guys doing here?”

Lexa slipped in behind the steering wheel and tutted disapprovingly, “Manners, sweetie.”

“Sorry, Ma.” Aden quickly apologised.

Lexa sighed and rolled her eyes as she started the car. “Not me.”

“Sorry, Clarke. Sorry, Raven.” Aden added following his Ma’s rapprochement.

Clarke’s eyes sparkled with warmth as she shook her head and accepted his apology. Raven muttered something that sounded a lot like, ‘I see why she calls you gremlin now’, which had Aden smiling widely.

“Seatbelts.” Lexa ordered as she eyed Raven with an expression that brokered no excuses.

“Ugh… you’re such a mum.” Raven grunted but she acquiesced without complaint.

“So…” Aden began as he twisted in his seat to look at the sheepish blonde with a light purple bruise on her forehead. Aden knew Clarke was most likely to break and give him an answer. _She’s as susceptible to my puppy dog eyes as Ma._ “How come you’re in the car?” Aden asked as politely as possible, and with an innocent smile.

The blonde who he assumed would break, though, turned an incredible shade of red and snapped her head round to look out the window. “Clarke set fire to our flat, so you’re Ma invited us to stay at yours for a couple of days.” Raven answered with a smirk.

Aden fell back into his seat and stared at his Ma with a raised eyebrow, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to let Clarke stay with us? Aunt Anya would say two fires are a ‘pattern of behaviour’.”

Raven roared with laughter from the back seat. His Ma tutted in response whilst Clarke whispered to Aden, “I thought we were friends.”

Aden wrinkled his nose at the pouting blonde, “We are, but I like my house not on fire.”

Lexa snorted at that causing Clarke to frown, “Your Ma was the one who set my house on fire the first time.”

“Don’t drag me down with you or you’ll be sleeping in the garden.” Lexa remarked with mock harshness as her eyes, visible in the rear view mirror to the blonde, danced with affection.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

Lexa slammed down the shot and immediately ordered another one and a beer. She examined the rundown bar from the stool she was sat at. The bar was dark, as if the owners couldn’t quite afford the electricity it would cost to fully light up the place, to one end was an array of tables where locals sipped their drinks and eyed one another with suspicion and distaste, the other end of the bar was totally clear and empty. Lexa eyed the reddish-brown stains on the floor in the cleared area. _Clearly not for dancing,_ Lexa mused to herself as she returned to staring down at the countertop of the bar, looking up only to nod as the bartender placed her drinks order in front of her.

Lexa sipped the beer slowly as her free hand swirled the clear liquid in the shot glass. Using her peripheral vision, Lexa kept an eye on the non-descript door at the back of the bar, memorising every person that moved freely through it.

Lexa rolled her shoulders before slamming down her shot as the inconspicuous door clanged open and a horde of people filtered out, led by none other than Ontari Queen. Ontari’s hair was dark and cut jaggedly, twin diamond piercings in both eyebrows, she had visceral and intense tattoo sleeves and she was dressed in black combat trousers, heavy steel capped boots and a grey tank which eloquently had ‘Bitch’ printed on it.

_Let the games begin._

Ontari’s horde flocked over to the cleared space, pushing and jeering at each other as they did so. They used profanities as their main form of communication. The locals at the other end of the bar finished their drinks and hastily took their leave.

The bartender who had been serving Lexa (an older, portly man who looked as worn down as his establishment) approached Lexa and collected her empty shot glass, “You should probably get on your way, girl.” He murmured to her as he rinsed out the glass.

Lexa turned her head to examine the rowdy crowd who were now dispersing to create a ring in the open space, before returning to examine the bartender with a steely gaze and tight jaw. “I’m good here.”

* * *

Ontari kept kicking the motionless body on the floor, taking sweet pleasure in the crunching sounds her efforts produced. Once the whimpers and pleading had stopped Ontari gave a final kick to the body’s face. She giggled as she absorbed the cheers of her comrades. “Cleaver!” Ontari yelled pointing to the hulk of a man beating his chest, “You’re up!”

Cleaver grinned widely as he stepped forward, Ontari gestured with a dismissive wave at the figure on the floor; two of her followers ran forward immediately and dragged the body out of the circle. Ontari didn’t bother to check to see if her opponent responded to being moved.

_He was weak, I barely tried in that fight… he didn’t deserve to be here..._

Cleaver was doing laps and roaring for an opponent to step forward. The gang members cheered, but none moved into the ring.

_Pathetic._

“C’mon! One of you worthless, pieces of-” Ontari snarled, eyes darting round to pick the victim she would grab by the scruff of the neck to offer up to Cleaver, her second in command.

“I’ll fight him.” A clear voice called out from behind the throng of people. The tone was calm, unwavering, with a strong hint of coldness causing a delicious shiver to run down Ontari’s spine. But above all else it was… commanding.

Ontari’s followers parted like the red sea to reveal a stunning woman. Brown hair pulled into a high ponytail allowed a clear view of a jaw sharper than many of Ontari’s hidden blades. Ripped jeans and a black t-shirt hinted at a magnificent body, athletic and taut. But her eyes were the most captivating part of her, they were dark green and had the ability to scrutinise the very essence of a person.

Ontari smiled her signature twisted smile that always came before violence, blood and pain.

_I’ll enjoy breaking her._

* * *

Lexa’s knuckles throbbed as they impacted the side of Cleaver’s jaw.

Cleaver swung wildly in response.

Lexa ducked under his lumbering arm and danced out of arms reach.

This was how Lexa fought, how Alie Johnson (her squad leader) had taught her.

Alie had taught her how to break an opponent’s body and Beca was teaching her how to break their mind.

Lexa would never win using pure strength. Speed and precision, all the way. Lexa played with her opponents, flitting on the edge of their attack range so they would be forced to swing large and wide to reach her, Lexa would dodge and strike hard and fast in their vulnerable points. Calculated for maximum damage.

Lexa spun as she dodged round Cleaver and lashed out with a vicious kick to the side of his knee.

CRACK!

Cleaver fell to the side, his right arm going out to prevent his upper body from crashing to the ground. “MOTHERFUCKER!” He screamed, as his left hand wrapped around his left knee in a hopeless attempt to repair the damage Lexa had inflicted.

Lexa slowly stepped away from the mountain of a man. The crowd was clamouring for her to continue, to fully beat down someone who only a moment ago was their friend, their leader. Lexa kept her mask in place, but the loathing she had for those surrounding her was overwhelming her internally.

The bays for blood fell silent as Ontari raised a fist into the air. Lexa watched as she stalked forwards from the edge of the circle towards Lexa. She came to a stop halfway between Lexa and Cleaver. Lexa saw Ontari shoot Cleaver, her personal bodyguard, a look of utter disgust as he continued to swear and cling to his leg. Ontari turned her back on the man to fully face Lexa and gifted her a twisted smirk which caused Lexa’s guts to convulse as if trying to clear poison out of her system.

“Finish him.” Ontari commanded, the glint of challenge and promise apparent in her dark eyes.

Lexa’s mask didn’t slip for a second.

Lexa’s only reaction was a narrowing of the eyes as they moved to take in the broken man on the floor.

Lexa’s knuckles began to throb in anticipation.

Ontari’s smile grew predatory as she stepped back and awaited the show.

* * *

**Present Day**

 

Clarke giggled playfully as she glimpsed Aden’s exaggerated pout.

“Sorry, Ade, but I play to win.” Clarke declared as she fended off Aden who was trying to overtake her on the corner. Aden cackled at the comment, banging his shoulder against Clarke, half to show affection at the new nickname Clarke had gifted him and half to try and throw Clarke off her game. Clarke smirked at the action as it was something she would’ve done when she was younger ( _actually, I’m pretty sure I did that to Lexa when we played Mario Kart a few days ago_ ).

Aden won the race at the last second when he employed Clarke’s tactic of knocking into her cart on the corner. Clarke huffed but was secretly ( _not so secretly_ ) proud of the boy.

Aden glanced with bright and hopeful eyes that Clarke would do anything to see all the time on the boy’s face. Clarke was momentarily awestruck by that realisation. That she would do anything to make this blonde child smile, to grant him a childhood of joy and happiness. Clarke hadn’t even noticed Aden worming his way into her heart. Her heart had belonged to Lexa for years, but Aden had managed to sneak pieces for himself without Clarke even realising.

_I’m falling in love with this family._

Aden flashed a cheeky grin as he asked, “Can we do another race?”

Clarke laughed, instantly hitting the buttons on her controller to start another race, “Of course, Ade.” The countdown began as Clarke hesitated before adding, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Aden stilled so suddenly that Clarke immediately drove ‘Princess Peach’ straight into a wall. “Everything okay?” Clarke asked nervously, quickly pausing the game as Aden shook his head to displace his blank expression before he forced a smile and nodded too fervently.

The desire to call out for Lexa was on the tip of her tongue, but Aden’s eyes were so open and vulnerable that Clarke’s words caught in her throat. Before dinner, Lexa had asked Clarke, as Raven was the blonde’s best friend, if it would help for her to spend some time with Raven and talk about Anya and her mission to provide some reassurance. Clarke’s heart had warmed with love at Lexa’s concern and approach, readily agreeing to Lexa’s suggestion. Lexa had taken Raven aside straight after dinner giving Clarke an affectionate smile as she did so and they had yet to return from their quiet talks in the garden. One immediately positive sign of their talks was that Raven had not opened the tub of ice cream she had insisted Lexa stop and get on the way to back the house, so Clarke wasn’t keen to break up a discussion that would likely benefit Raven’s mental resilience.

“Ade.” Clarke said softly, twisting in place to face the small boy. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s absolutely okay.” Clarke reassured, before biting her lip and hazarded a guess at what caused Aden to stiffen. “I meant it, you know?” Aden who had begun fidgeting in place, eyed her warily out the corner of his eye. “I’m not going anywhere… I promise.”

“Lots of people have said that. Only Ma meant it.” Aden dismissed with a shrug. “And if things don’t work out with…” Aden bit his lip and stopped talking.

“Listen, Ade.” Clarke reached out tentatively and wrapped an arm around the boy’s shoulders; she resisted pulling him into a hug, not wishing to restrict him if he felt uncomfortable. “If things don’t work out between me and your Ma, I promise, you and her will still be able to call on me. If you or your Ma ever needs me, I’ll come running, I swear.”

_I will always be here for you._

Aden looked up at Clarke, soulful blue eyes shining with hope and trust as if Clarke had promised him the world and actually believed she might give it.

_I understand why Aden’s eye colour is Lexa’s favourite colour._

Aden blinked once before jumping into Clarke’s open arms and hugging her tightly. Clarke was convinced her heart might just explode with the love overpowering it as she held the boy in her arms.

_I’m not going anywhere, I promise._

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

Anya tapped a delicate finger against her to go cup of coffee as she leaned against the tree. A fly buzzed by her ear and she swatted repeatedly at it to fend it off.

 _God, I hate the outdoors._ Anya pulled her jacket tighter around herself, she had never been a woodsy girl, having grown up in the city and never having a reason to travel out of the city limits.

_Why would you leave central heating, plumbing, electricity and so on… Lexa doesn’t know what she’s talking about._

Anya glanced up at the rapidly darkening sky, curious if the stars were a better sight out in the wilderness away from the bright lights of the city.

Anya, as the handler, met up with Costia and Lexa as regularly as possible. Meeting Costia was easier than seeing Lexa. Costia and Anya would both buy coffee from the same coffeehouse at the same time every morning. By standing behind her protégé in the queue they were able to have quick five minute catch ups without raising suspicion. Meeting Lexa was easy to begin with as Lexa had made it a normal part of her routine that she would go hiking in the wilderness surrounding Azgeda. Anya would meet her at a set location every couple of days.

Things were harder now, though. Ontari had taken a great deal of interest in Lexa, the young psychopath barely ever let the commander out of her sight. _Which is great for the case… but not great for L-_

Anya gasped sharply as Lexa appeared out of nowhere in front of her. It wasn’t the sudden appearance of the agent that shocked Anya but how Lexa looked.

_Holy shit, we need to finish this case quickly._

Lexa appeared dark and wild. Sleep deprivation was startlingly obvious by the black holes surrounding her eyes. Her hands were wrapped up in bandages that already had tell-tale red spotting. There was a deep scratch mark across her right cheek that tautened and reopened unleashing pinpricks of crimson every time her jaw tightened. Her eyes though were cold and dull.

_This is the commander in extreme, there’s very little of Lexa left._

“Lexa?” Anya pleaded, wishing for the return of the girl she had started to grow to like and care for.

_I thought she showed little emotion before… this… I don’t know what to say._

“Agent Forrester.” The commander greeted with a curt nod.

Anya licked her lips trying to gather her courage, “What happened?”

Lexa tilted her head as her gaze sharpened, “Ontari’s crew performed a raid on a gang that was encroaching on her territory.” Lexa gritted her teeth, more pinpricks of blood sprung up on her cheek in response, “Ontari ensured they wouldn’t do it again.”

Anya breathed out slowly, trying to suppress the growing urge to pull Lexa into her arms and hug her, to provide some warmth to remove the coldness within Lexa’s expression. _You’re not close enough friends for that._ “Right.” Anya nodded, “Nia?”

“She ordered the raid. She purposefully provoked Ontari to make it as violent as possible.” There was a quick flash of hatred and disgust on Lexa’s face, but it was so fleeting Anya was unsure if she even saw it to start with.

“Provoked her how?” Anya queried, finding out the level of involvement Nia had in every aspect of their criminal activities was crucial in cutting the head off the snake.

Lexa clasped her hands behind her back and stared at a point past Anya’s shoulder as she gave an emotionless report, “Nia plays her children off against each other. Roan is told repeatedly that he’s a coward, and will never be a leader. Ontari gets called stupid and unable to keep people in line. She insults and belittles her children, calling them worthless until they will do anything to show her their value. She pits them against each other to ensure they never work together to usurp her.”  

 _Sometimes I’m glad to be an orphan,_ Anya thought bitterly, knowing Lexa was probably feeling the same.

Lexa hadn’t moved or blinked, awaiting her next question or command. “Lexa, are you okay?” Anya asked uncertainly as she took a slow step towards the commander, the desire to comfort growing stronger but she was unsure whether her concern would be welcome.

Lexa’s whole body tensed before she nodded and said, “I’m fine.”

Anya hovered within arm’s reach. It was luck more than anything that Anya glanced down at the ground in time to witness the light tremble in Lexa’s legs. Not allowing her a chance to second guess herself, she took the last step forward and pulled the brunette into a hug.

Lexa remained motionless and tense for a long moment before she exhaled slowly and leant ever so slightly into Anya’s embrace. She didn’t return the hug but she appeared to take comfort in the gesture, “Not long now. It’ll all be over soon, okay? We’re going to stop them.” Anya muttered to Lexa, repeating similar sentiments for as long as it took for Lexa to nod finally in agreement.

_We’re going to stop them. We’re going to get them for all they’ve done and what they are currently doing to Lexa._

Anya held the agent as close for as long as Lexa allowed her to. Anya was grateful that Costia wasn’t going through anything nearly as traumatic as Lexa. Anya loved Costia but she knew she would never survive mentally long term exposure to the youngest Queen and what she was putting Lexa through. _I don’t even know if I would._

* * *

 

**Present Day**

“Those are just some of the precautions that will have been put in place.” Lexa finished, digging her hands into her jacket as she glanced over at Raven who was staring out into the darkness of the garden with a wrinkled brow. “Does that help?” Lexa asked softly as she shuffled slightly closer to Clarke’s best friend on the wooden bench they were sharing in an attempt to draw her attention back to their conversation.

Raven bit her lip tentatively as the creases in her forehead deepened. “Yeah… it did. I mean Anya went through all of this before she left… but hearing it again… helps.”

Lexa nodded slowly, “If there is anything else you want to know…” Lexa trailed off, leaving the offer open and apparent in the still night air.

They fell into a comfortable silence, simply taking comfort in the presence of another going through the same emotional distress. Lexa wanted to provide support to Raven in the same way Anya had done for her and Lincoln over the years. Anya had been Lexa’s strength for years, a protective older sister who would willingly be her safety net where possible.

After the meeting where Anya had hugged Lexa for the first time, their friendship had developed and grown dramatically. Anya would bring chocolate and workplace gossip to their meet ups, anything that would give Lexa a tangible thread of who she was and what she was trying to get back to. Anya and her bonded like never before, and it was during their third such meeting that Lexa asked if she could check in on her friend, Lincoln. Lexa didn’t give details, just an address and told her to stop in and see how he was doing, she warned he wouldn’t be receptive to company but Lexa needed to know he was coping alright. Anya hadn’t even hesitated in promising that she would. Anya kept Lexa, Lexa, for that time and she did the same again when Titus happened.

“The Queens…” Raven turned her face to Lexa, her eyes wet with unshed tears, “can you tell me about them?”

Lexa paused, hovering on the edge of speaking, as she was filled with uncertainty, but Raven had asked and _knowledge is power_ , “What do you want to know?”

Raven’s gaze hardened, “Why does Anya hate Nia Queen, specifically, so much? I mean I _get_ that Nia is bad, evil, whatever. And Anya told me about… about Costia.” Raven stuttered the final part out watching Lexa for a reaction, but Lexa remained strong. Losing Costia hurt, and she would always remember her but it was an event she had made her peace with. “Nia wasn’t the one that killed Costia, I figured that Anya would hate the person holding the knife itself more than the person that ordered it, if that makes sense? I mean…” Lexa watched Raven swallow harshly and her lower lip tremble slightly, “if someone- someone-“

“Killed Anya.” Lexa supplied quietly. Lexa knew for most people she could change the topic, shut the conversation down but from what she could tell of Raven, and had heard of her from Clarke, Lexa understood that that wouldn’t benefit Raven.

_Talking helps Raven. Getting it all out in the air. Some call it a lack of filter, but that’s not it. Raven doesn’t cope well with carrying the words, the concerns, the fears unvoiced and heavy within her. She hates what ifs and maybes. She hates missed potential and misunderstandings._

“Yeah.” Raven squeaked and Lexa sent her a tight reassuring smile of encouragement to keep going. “If- if- that were to happen… I would hate the person who held the knife… who looked her in the eye and took her life. The person with her blood on their hands. I would hate the person who looked at her and didn’t think she was worth not following orders for.”

Lexa reached out an arm and wrapped it around Raven’s shoulders and pulled her close as she began to murmur, “Did Anya tell you that she hated me when we first met?” Lexa felt Raven shake her head ever so slightly against her shoulder. “Well, she did. I wasn’t very good at letting people in. I used my ‘commander’ face at all times, you’ve probably seen it when I’m working?” Raven nodded this time. Lexa sighed before continuing, “Right, so Anya got it in her head that I was privileged and acted like I owned the place.”

There was a snort from Raven at that and a mumble of, “I’ve seen you lose control of a sentence whenever Clarke so much as smiles or Aden sends you puppy dog eyes. I can’t imagine you acting superior.”

Lexa chuckled, more at the contrast of who she is now compared to who she was back then rather than how completely _whipped_ she is by two blondes, “Anyway, rumours went round that family connections got me the job and Anya hated that. She hates the idea that people aren’t judged for what they’ve done and earnt but their names and the power and influence they wield over others. It’s not my place to tell you, but Anya has had bad experiences over and over again by people who looked down on her or skipped over her because they thought she was less than she was, or that someone from a well-known family or more money _deserved_ it more. That’s why Anya hates Nia Queen _so_ much. Nia with a few simple words commanded Costia’s death, and people leapt to fill the order because she had wealth, power and influence.” Lexa fell silent as she let loose the words and her understanding of her dearest friend.

Raven shook under Lexa’s arm before lifting her head and with forced light humour commented, “Well, when you put it like that…” Raven laughed darkly, Lexa could only squeeze her closer in response.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

Anya stared at the words on the sign, ‘ARKADIA REHABILITATION CENTRE’.

_Not exactly where I thought Lexa’s only friend would be… but then again that girl is throwing every presumption I ever had about her right out the window._

Anya had, _surprisingly_ , jumped at the chance to check up on Lexa’s friend, Lincoln. Lexa had insisted that Lincoln wouldn’t see her or Anya (which had surprised Anya because if Lexa cared about Lincoln as much as she obviously did, why wouldn’t he want to see Lexa or hear about her through the only person who had seen her recently?) and that Anya should just check in with the nurse at the door and see if they can simply provide an update on him.

Anya, though, knew Lincoln was important and if she could give Lexa any information or words from Lincoln himself it would mean the world to the agent, especially now. So, with that in mind, Anya squared her shoulders and pushed forward.

Lincoln was big, intimidating and downright rude. Anya held out a hand in greeting for him to shake and he merely looked at her hand as if it was a severed head. Anya gritted her teeth and bit her tongue.

_Lexa needs this._

“I’m Anya, I work with Lexa.” Anya explained as she slowly retreated her hand back to her side and took a seat in one of the cheery, yellow, plastic chairs in the visiting area. Lincoln curled his lip in disgust as he took the seat opposite her and hunched his shoulders and crossed his arms. “Lexa really wanted to see you herself-” Lincoln snorted and shook his head dismissively, Anya’s jaw tightened, “but she’s currently away for work and so I’m here to check up on you, see how you were doing.” Anya didn’t ask, it was more like an order for him to speak.

Lincoln’s eyes narrowed and he grunted out, “She’s that invested in her pity project?”

Anya swallowed down the rebukes on the tip of her tongue, “You’re her friend, and she cares for your well-being.” Anya stated in a neutral, cool tone.

The man across from her straightened in his chair, his chest widening as he did so revealing well-crafted muscles under his red shirt. _So we’ve given up on the intimidating attitude portion and are now onto the physical intimidation portion._ Anya rolled her eyes in boredom at the action, she could put him on his ass before he even got to his feet if she so wished.

“Look here, bitch, you don’t anything about Lexa or me, so why don’t you tell Lexa that I meant what I said the last time I saw her.” Lincoln stood slowly allowing his form to steadily tower over her, “I don’t want anything to do with her. She can fuck off and never come back for all I care.”

Anya had to use every ounce of willpower to resist decking the asshole. _He’s important to Lexa, hold strong._ Lincoln's eyes glinted with pride as Anya’s nostrils flared and her teeth grinded together loudly. With that final declaration, Lincoln turned and strutted away.

_Game on, you son of a bitch._

* * *

Anya returned two days later, and she was pleased to see the flash of surprise on Lincoln’s face when she appeared in the visiting room. Lincoln quickly resorted back to an imposing posture and snarled expression but this time, Anya was ready for him.

Anya had done her research. She knew Lincoln’s story. What had happened. That Lexa cared deeply for the man Lincoln once was. That nearly all of Lexa’s salary went to the rehabilitation centre.

Anya’s care for Lexa had risen dramatically as she read about Lexa’s military past, and she had committed herself to three things. Firstly, she would apologise for the presumptions she had made about Lexa. Secondly, she would be Lexa’s friend and take her under her wing as she had done with Costia. Thirdly, she would go knock some sense into Lincoln until he realised that Lexa was not going to abandon or give up on him, and that Lexa deserved his respect and friendship.

The gloves were coming off, and Anya was not going to restrain herself anymore.

“Back ag-” Lincoln started with a hideous smirk as he slumped into the plastic chair.

“Let’s skip the pleasantries, shall we?” Anya cut in with a sharp eyebrow raise. She continued speaking before he had a chance to reply. “You are a fucking idiot.” Anya enunciated every syllable slowly as if speaking to a child.

Lincoln’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped ever so slightly, “How dare-”

Anya held up a hand for silence as she spoke over him, “Lexa is currently undercover, her life is on the line.” Lincoln’s jaw snapped shut and Anya saw the fear and concern appear in his eyes, “Which is something you would know if you had deigned to see her any of the times that she tried to visit you.” Lincoln’s gaze dropped away from Anya’s and he closely scrutinised the floor. Anya took it as a victory that he wasn’t trying to talk over her. “Lexa and I aren’t close and we don’t exactly have a friendship where she feels comfortable to ask me for things or help.”

Lincoln mumbled, “Lexa never asks for help.”

“True.” Anya agreed, “Therefore her asking me for something, even you’ll, have to admit is a big fucking deal.” Lincoln glanced up at her, curiosity blazing alongside concern hidden under his scowl, as he nodded curtly. “The only thing she asked for was that I check up on you.”

Lincoln blinked stupidly, scowl forgotten by the wayside.

“She cares about you. You are not a ‘pity project’.” Anya placed air quotes around the final words and grimaced at the positive reinforcement she was dolling out. “Now, listen here.” Anya commanded. “You don’t deserve her. And she definitely doesn’t deserve how you’re treating her.”

Lincoln, finally, had the decency to look shame-faced.

“Lexa is going to need people when she gets back. She’s struggling, though she won’t admit it. She needs _you_.” Anya enunciated again like she had done so earlier as she got to her feet and straightened out her clothes, “And I genuinely hope, you get yourself together enough to be there for her.” Lincoln didn’t respond, Anya didn’t expect him to. He needed time to process and rethink things. “I’ll be back in a couple of days and when I do come back I expect you to have a _genuine_ message for Lexa.” Anya arched a solitary eyebrow and Lincoln dipped his head downwards, he didn’t agree but he didn’t disagree either. _Small victories._ “See you in two days, Linc.” And with that farewell Anya spun on her heels and strode away.

The Lincoln that awaited her a couple of days later was still closed off but there was no attempt at intimidation or terse words. He was conciliatory but not warm and friendly. He handed Anya a letter for Lexa which Anya promised to deliver.

As she was preparing to leave, Lincoln quietly requested for Anya to come back again to keep him updated on Lexa’s well-being. Anya promised she would, causing Lincoln’s face to flash with a warm smile for less than a second. But it was enough for Anya to catch a glimpse of the man that meant so much to Lexa. It also helped that, later, there was a look of sheer and incredible joy on Lexa’s normally stoic face for the first time in forever when she had finished reading Lincoln’s letter. Lexa’s joy would have been more than enough for Anya to know reaching out to Lincoln was worth it but the tight hug that Lexa pulled her into was even better.


	19. As You Are

Clarke shifted on the sofa, fidgeting to maximise her comfort whilst pulling the fluffy blanket that had been on the back of the couch tighter around herself. _It smells like Lexa,_ Clarke couldn’t help but think as she nuzzled into the fabric. Clarke had always thought Lexa smelt like autumn when they were children (earthy and light at the same time) and she was pleased to discover that her scent hadn’t changed over the years.

Lexa and Raven had eventually returned to the house, both subdued but Raven looked far more like herself than she had for the last week so Clarke reasoned that their conversation had helped overall. Lexa was quick to usher Aden upstairs and to bed but not before he made Clarke promise that they’ll continue their Mario Kart contest ( _12 to 10 in Ade’s favour, the lucky little…_ ) tomorrow after his baseball game. Raven had retreated to the spare room not soon after, looking exhausted. Clarke could have shared with Raven, but Raven was an awful bed companion. _She literally kicked me out of bed when he had to share at last New Year’s Party at my parents, the bruise I got didn’t disappear for a month. Good luck with that Anya._ With everyone upstairs Clarke got changed into her pyjamas (Gryffindor t-shirt and short shorts) in the downstairs bathroom before arranging herself on the comfy couch.

Clarke had turned off the lights and closed her eyes as she tried to even out her breathing in preparation for sleep when she heard a timid voice call out, “Clarke?”

Clarke opened her eyes and shot up into a sitting position to see a pair of curious green eyes watching her at the end of the couch, “Hi.” _FUCK, NEED TO LEARN A NEW GREETING._

Lexa who had been looking awkward, uncertainty obvious by the frown on her face, suddenly snorted and broke out into a smile that lit up the darkened room. _Never learn a new greeting, ever._ “Hi.” Lexa tilted her head as she spoke quietly, “How come you’re sleeping on the couch? I figured you and Raven would be sharing.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Raven doesn’t play nice in bed.”

“Err…” Lexa stuttered and blushed, which Clarke would have found adorable if she wasn’t kicking herself for the misleading answer she had just given.

“Raven moves in her sleep, a lot.” Clarke began to ramble, intermittently biting her lip as she did so. “She kicks and punches anything that is within her nearby area or tries to have even a modicum of the covers. And I didn’t think you would find bruises that I got from fighting over a duvet sexy.”

_Dear God, please stop talking._

“Not that I think you find me sexy or that I’m trying to be sexy in your house because that would be disrespectful, I think. I’m not sure.”

_Shut up, shut up!_

“I mean I would love it if you found me sexy-”

Clarke stopped talking. Not because she had run out of things to say but because she physically couldn’t speak as Lexa was kissing her. As Clarke had rambled away, Lexa had stepped with slow measured footsteps until she was directly in front of the blonde and leaned down and slotted their lips together by placing her hand on the back of Clarke’s neck to nudge her forward.

The kiss was slow and languorous conveying everything Lexa had yet to say, ‘I’m glad you’re here’, with the singular action. Clarke pulled away after losing track of time once she realised the stooped over position Lexa was in probably wasn’t good for her. Lexa released her light grip on the back of Clarke’s neck as she stood up straight and moved away. Clarke felt a pang of sorrow as Lexa rounded the sofa and headed to the stairs without a word after giving Clarke one of the best kisses of her life ( _all of Lexa’s kisses so far have taken the top positions, but still…_ ).

Clarke had flopped back down on the sofa when she heard Lexa ask, “Aren’t you coming, Clarke?”

_I will swear until the day I die that I have never moved faster than I did in that moment._

Clarke was instantly by Lexa’s side and taking the hand Lexa was holding out for her, “I do, by the way.” Clarke raised her eyebrows in question at Lexa’s statement. The sheriff merely smirked, and with a narrowed gaze that evaporated all moisture from Clarke’s mouth, leant forward until her breath was grazing the shell of Clarke’s ear, “Find you sexy, that is.”

_I need to set fire to my house more often._

* * *

**18 Years Ago**

Clarke had been sat on the bottom step staring at the front door waiting for a knock for nearly two hours. It was starting to freak her parents out as they had never seen their daughter able to hold one spot for more than a few minutes let alone two hours.

_Five more minutes._

_Five more minutes and she’ll be here._

Clarke had literally been counting down the seconds till Lexa would arrive to start their first sleepover. Clarke was so excited to have Lexa over for more than a few hours, to be able to have Lexa all to herself. Lexa had been having a bad week as she had struggled to do well on her homework, none of the teachers appreciating that Lexa had no one she felt comfortable asking for help. So Clarke was determined to give her the best night ever. Everything was planned.

  1. _Building a blanket fort in the living room_
  2. _Mum’s cooking burgers (Lexa’s favourite)_
  3. _I’m going to show her my artwork (Lexa always loves seeing my artwork)_
  4. _Disney films and ice cream (Cure all for bad days)_



Knock.

It was a quiet knock that could only belong to one person.

_YES! SHE’S HERE!_

Clarke jumped off the final step and bounded to the door, knocking her mother, who had also moved to answer the door, aside. Clarke flung open the door to see shy green eyes and hands twisting uncertainly in the straps of a back pack. Clarke wasn’t even surprised to find Lexa had walked over to the house on her own as it was a normal occurrence. Clarke didn’t think about the reasoning behind this, she was simply grateful that Lexa was here. Abby, on the other hand, who was stood behind her daughter, burned with well-hidden fury that Clarke could still sense. Clarke had overheard her mother talking about Lexa’s home-life with Jake late at night often and her mother had the same tension from those conversations as she did now.

Clarke instantly pulled Lexa into the tightest hug she could manage, Lexa hesitated before reciprocating which didn’t bother Clarke. Abby was quick to usher the two girls inside once they broke apart; noticing Lexa had a minor shiver from the cold winter air she experienced on her walk over Abby also gave Lexa a warm hug once the door was closed. Lexa didn’t reciprocate but there was a noticeable blush and pleased smile on her face when Abby released her.

The afternoon and evening went exactly as planned. Jake helped with the blanket fort. Lexa helped Abby cook as Clarke squirmed on a counter nearby buzzing with joy at watching Lexa stick out her tongue slightly as she concentrated on following Abby’s directions. Lexa was in awe of Clarke’s artwork and Clarke found herself blushing at every compliment Lexa gave her. As they were watching films, and once Lexa had settled comfortably in the house, Clarke ducked out to see her Dad for a moment about a worry she had nagging at the back of her mind.

“Dad?” Clarke asked in the doorway of her father’s ‘workshop’. Her Dad been very clear that Clarke never enter his workshop without permission due to the dangerous tools scattered around.

Jake glanced up from his workbench and immediately put down the items he had been working with when he caught a glimpse of his young daughter’s nervousness, “Clarke, what’s wrong?” Jake asked as he opened his arms wide for his daughter to run into.

Clarke stepped into her father’s arms and was lifted up into his lap, her gaze dipped as she fiddled with her father’s shirt, unable to meet her father’s inquiring expression, “Dad…” Clarke began before breaking off.

“Yes, Clarke?” Jake prompted as he brushed Clarke’s golden hair behind her ears.

“What if she thinks I’m silly? Or a coward?” Clarke whispered as she nudged her head under her father’s chin causing him to wrap his arms around her tighter in response.

“Is this about the nightlight?”

Clarke nodded slowly against his chest; Clarke could feel the deep sigh before she heard it as his chest expanded.

“Clarke.” Jake said with a serious voice that took Clarke by surprise. Firm hands gripped Clarke’s upper arms and slowly moved her body away from her father’s so that he could look her in the eye. Matching blue eyes met and reflected each other. “Listen very carefully to me. Lexa would never think less of you for being afraid of the dark. She loves you, of that I am absolutely certain, okay?”

Clarke nodded as she swallowed around the lump in her throat that was cutting of her voice. Jake pulled the girl back into a strong hug before lowering her gently back to the floor and patting her back to encourage her to return to Lexa.

Lexa looked up from the TV screen as Clarke re-entered the room and gave her a blinding smile that helped remove nearly all doubt from Clarke’s mind as she sprinted across the room to cuddle into her best friend. After another film, Abby came in and ordered them both to bed ( _if it had been Dad he would have given into my pout and let us watch another film_ …).

Clarke hesitated outside her room before leading Lexa inside and getting settled in the bed they were sharing. The lights had gone out and Clarke slowly reached out and turned on the nightlight next to her. Clarke held her breath and waited for Lexa, who had rolled so she was on her side and facing Clarke, to comment or ask about it. She did neither, she merely stared at Clarke with that open affection only Clarke and Murphy received.

Clarke stared up at the ceiling and pulled the covers tighter around herself before confessing, “I’m afraid of the dark.”

“Okay.”

_Okay? That’s it?_

“That’s it? You don’t think it’s stupid.” Clarke twisted in her place and met forest green eyes.

Lexa’s forehead creased in confusion and surprise, “No.”

Clarke pouted at the complete lack of a reaction. _I had expected questions and… comments… not nothing._ “Don’t you want to know why?”

Lexa shrugged half-heartedly, “Only if you want to tell me.”

“Oh…” Clarke murmured, her mind whirring away as she thought about if she wanted Lexa to know, her father’s words replayed in her mind as she took in the expression of affection and care on Lexa’s face. “You can’t see the monsters in the dark.” Clarke revealed quietly.

Lexa pursed her lips and seemed to fall into deep thought at Clarke’s words. After a few moments of silence that caused Clarke to regret speaking out, Lexa reached out and loosened Clarke’s tight grip on the duvet with a soothing touch. “Clarke, in the dark the monsters can’t see you either.”

“This is why you’re the best.” Clarke breathed out as she wriggled over to pull Lexa in for a cuddle. The two girls whispered together as they slowly drifted off. Clarke, though, couldn’t help asking as her eyes drifted close, “Are you afraid of anything, Lexa?”

Lexa tensed in her arms but Clarke was so close to sleep that she didn’t notice nor fully register Lexa’s answer, “I’m afraid that I might be a monster.”

* * *

 

**Present Day**

Clarke clung to Lexa’s hand as if it was the last lifejacket on a sinking ship, as she was led up the stairs and down the hallway to Lexa’s bedroom. The door was ajar and Lexa pushed it open all the way as they approached. Before crossing the threshold, Clarke paused to fully take in the room, to fully appreciate that Lexa was letting her in to her personal and private place when she was fully awake and conscious unlike last time.

The room was simple and not even remotely cluttered. The walls were a light, minty green, the carpet was cushiony under Clarke’s feet, built in wardrobes lined one side, a dresser was beside the open door on the left, and a door leading to what Clarke assumed was an ensuite was on the back wall to the right of the bed that was the centrepiece. White, crisp duvet and green pillows and comforter made the bed extremely inviting. Photos lined the walls but Clarke had very little time to examine them as Lexa tugged her to the bed, and flipped down a corner of the duvet for Clarke.

Clarke slid into the bed at the same time Lexa moved to turn off the lights before slipping into the other side. Clarke twisted so she was on her side and facing Lexa who had positioned herself in a mirror reflection of Clarke.

_Okay, so… what happens next?_

Clarke bit her bottom lip as indecision filled her.

_Did she invite me up to simply sleep? Should I make a move?_

Clarke’s eyes flicked between Lexa’s enticing green eyes and her full lips.

_Give me a sign. A signal. Something. Anyth-_

Lexa moved forward and placed the lightest of kisses on Clarke’s lips but it was enough for the blonde’s eyes to flutter close and the fireflies in her system to alight and take flight. Clarke breathed out slowly before diving towards Lexa and kissing her deeply. Clarke’s tongue was instantly welcomed inside by Lexa who rolled onto her back whilst simultaneously tugging Clarke on top of her. Clarke rotated her head to allow a better angle resulting in their noses brushing against each other. The blonde’s hands remained steadfast on either side of Lexa’s body, unsure whether she was allowed to start exploring after Lexa had flinched at Clarke’s discovery of a scar. Lexa, though, showed no reluctance on her part as her hands moved from tracing shapes on Clarke’s back to shifting lower to her hips, which she gave a light squeeze to, before travelling to grab Clarke’s ass. Clarke gasped at the action enabling Lexa to take control of the kiss with her own tongue.

_Okay, definitely not the shy girl I remember. And I am totally alright with this development._

A pool of molten heat consumed Clarke’s lower body that had her wrenching away from Lexa and reaching for the hem of her pyjama shirt to fling it off, but Lexa’s hands appeared to quickly cover Clarke’s own. “Let me.” Lexa whispered through shallow breaths, her eyes dark and all-consuming, purely focused on Clarke’s own blue ones. Lexa smirked as Clarke removed her hands from her shirt and shifted to straddle Lexa’s lap, “Don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and pouted as Lexa slowly lifted her shirt, placing delicate, feather-like kisses on each inch of slowly exposed skin. Clarke had been with numerous people over the years but none… none… had ever been so gentle and reverent with her as Lexa was being at the moment. Lexa was treating seeing Clarke’s body as if it was a priceless gift. The shirt fell to the wayside as Lexa pulled Clarke down and onto her back, hovering over the blonde, using her taut, muscular arms to hold herself up and off Clarke, leaving that small, sliver of space Clarke detested.

Clarke resisted wrapping her arms behind Lexa’s back and yanking her down until every bit of their bodies were touching. Lexa tilted her head to the side as she fully appreciated Clarke’s exposed body; Clarke felt a full body flush descend from her cheeks to her toes at how exposed and vulnerable she felt under those incredible green eyes. Lexa quirked an eyebrow, an unspoken question, an ask for permission and consent.

_I don’t think anyone has ever looked at me like that, or treated me with such tenderness._

Clarke nodded slowly but certainly. A blinding smile appeared on Lexa’s face before she dipped her head down and caught Clarke in a kiss that made Clarke’s breath catch and her heart leap out of her chest with the desire to be handed completely over to Lexa.

Lexa spent the time following that kiss making Clarke feel utterly adored, cherished and loved. She saw stars and was pretty sure she blacked out for a few seconds at one point.

* * *

Lexa, eventually, settled on her side, her fingers brushing lightly across Clarke’s stomach, as the blonde recovered. Clarke had tried to reciprocate the care Lexa was showing her, but Lexa would always gently push aside Clarke’s wandering fingers. Clarke wanted more than anything to treat Lexa the way she had been treated. To make her feel breathing-taking, wanted and _loved_.

“Lexa.” Clarke rolled onto her side and carefully held out a hand to cradle the brunette’s cheek and rub her thumb gently over her cheekbone.  

“Clarke.” Lexa murmured as she leaned into the touch, her eyes closing for a moment as she did so.

“I want you as you are, Lexa.” Clarke declared with an unwavering voice, causing Lexa’s eyes to open to reveal a flash of the young girl who had left town all those years ago, unsure and scared of being rejected. “I wanted you all those years ago, and I want you now. I want you no matter how the ten years have changed you. I want this version of you, I promise.”

Lexa’s eyes misted over with unshed tears but the hand that had been resting on Clarke’s hip tightened its grip momentarily before releasing. Lexa rolled onto her back and blinked up at the ceiling. Clarke held her breath, fear racing through her system as she worried that she had somehow overstepped a boundary, had pushed too far, when Lexa slowly sat up and pulled her top off over her head.

 _God, she’s beautiful,_ was Clarke’s first thought as she moved to repeat the actions of mapping Lexa’s skin in the same way Lexa had done hers. Kisses as light as butterfly wings starting from Lexa’s collarbone.

Clarke encountered the first scar almost immediately. A deep, circular, off-colouring of skin just below Lexa’s right shoulder. Clarke was a doctor, she knew a healed over bullet wound when she saw one. Lexa stiffened as Clarke examined it but slowly relaxed as Clarke lightly kissed it.

Clarke hated and loved the scars in equal measure as she placed a kiss on each and every one. She hated them because they were a clear sign that something or someone had caused the person she loved most in the world physical harm. She loved them because they were a sign that Lexa had survived, that she was here and present and at the moment Clarke’s.

It appeared Lexa had a similar reaction to someone treating her as if she was precious and beyond value as Clarke did. Light trembles and shivers. Fingers digging deeply into Clarke’s back to pull her closer and keep her from vanishing. Stuttering exhales of breath. Watery and radiant eyes that revealed the depth of emotion going on below the surface.

_I want to make her feel like this all the time. Every single time we’re together._

It was early morning shifting towards dawn when they both fell into a deep and untroubled sleep. Clarke made sure to wrap herself as closely as she could around Lexa, holding her in her arms and hoping that she still possessed the ability to provide Lexa a safe haven with her embrace alone.

* * *

It took a long few moments for Lexa to blink her eyes open and keep them open, and it took even longer for the memories of the previous night to flood her mind. A sudden wave of fear that Clarke will have disappeared when she fell asleep consumed her. Lexa twisted to glance over her shoulder to see blonde hair spread behind her, and felt the arm around her waist pull her tighter against Clarke’s body. Lexa breathed a sigh of relief before committing this incredible moment to memory. A moment she never thought she would have.

Clarke had nuzzled into the back of her neck, and the regular puff of air she let out tickled Lexa and made her smile grow at the sensation. Lexa wanted to spend all day in this moment but duty called.

“Clarke.” Lexa whispered as she prodded Clarke’s side gently.

“Umph.” Clarke grunted at Lexa’s attempt to rouse her.

“Clarke, I need to get up.” Lexa said pointedly, tracing her fingers up and down the arm that was preventing her from moving out of their duvet cocoon.

The blonde in her half-sleep state, eyes still closed, pouted childishly at the concept of the removal of Lexa’s warm skin and embrace. “Five more minutes.” Clarke pleaded.

Lexa leaned over and kissed the pout off Clarke’s lips replacing it with a dreamy smirk. “I would love to, darling, but I have a son who gets incredibly frantic if I haven’t cooked waffles before his baseball game, and I need to shower to make myself semi-presentable before going downstairs.”

The smirk on Clarke’s face expanded slightly at remembering she was the reason Lexa would need a shower. “Fine.” Clarke relented, though obviously unwillingly, as she released her grip on Lexa’s waist and simultaneously burrowed deeper into the covers.

Lexa chuckled at the blonde’s childish behaviour as she sat up and rolled her shoulders. Before heading to the bathroom, she leaned back to whisper into Clarke’s ear, “If you get up now Clarke, I could use some company.” Lexa got up, grabbed a towel and sauntered into the bathroom. Behind her Clarke jolted upright and flung the duvet off herself, chasing after Lexa.

* * *

Lexa whisked the waffle batter as Clarke snuggled into her back behind her. After showering they had quickly gotten dressed and headed downstairs to start breakfast ( _well, I started breakfast, Clarke has been relegated to passing things_ ). They had been affectionate with passing touches and light kisses all morning.

When Aden stumbled in sleepily a few minutes later, Clarke respectfully stepped away from Lexa and engaged Aden in conversation. Lexa was grateful that Clarke was so careful with how she treated Aden and acted with Lexa in front of him. Lexa knew they would need to have a proper talk about what boundaries they should set for themselves when Aden was around but so far it hadn’t been necessary. Clarke gave Aden all of her attention and seemed genuinely invested in his well-being and interests, which was something Lexa adored.

Raven appeared as the waffles were being dished up, she grunted her thanks ( _clearly not a morning person_ ) before slumping over her plate at the table and shovelling the pieces into her mouth. Clarke and Lexa shared soft, secret glances as they all ate breakfast together that had Raven rolling her eyes constantly and open her mouth to make a comment that Lexa was convinced would not be age appropriate for Aden to hear. Lexa moved to cut off Raven but Clarke got there first.

“Ow!” Raven squeaked, bending under the table to rub her calf and eyeing Clarke with poorly disguised annoyance. Clarke merely sipped her coffee and smiled warmly at Aden who had stopped halfway through his prediction of how the game would go and encouraged him to continue.

After breakfast, all four of them got ready and headed to the game. Raven brought a camcorder to record it, stating it was so Anya could watch it when she got back, that thoughtful sentiment garnered a hug from Aden that left Raven stunned. The older Griffins were already waiting for them when they got there and were quick to wish Aden the best of luck. Lincoln was running late again but promised he would try to be there for the last few innings.

“Hey, Lexa?” Raven asked tentatively as she peered at her phone with a confused expression. Lexa had just returned from leading Aden over to the rest of his team and was moving to sit next to Clarke on the bench in front of Raven.

“Everything okay?” Lexa questioned as she examined the deep frown on the mechanics face.

“Well… is there something I should know?” Raven finally looked up, her brown eyes open and curious more than anything else.

“Err… I don’t think so…”, Lexa said, uncertain what Raven was asking about. Clarke tuned into their conversation and looked between the two of them with interest.

“It’s just Anya sent me a street name on this stupid app she made me download. So I was wondering if I was meant to go there or something or if you knew anything about it.”

Lexa’s heart turned to stone and she felt as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over her head. The transition to commander was instantaneous. “What street name?” Lexa demanded with a harsh authority that had Raven and Clarke flinching.

Raven blinked and her mouth opened and closed a few times, “It’s a street in Skyark. It can’t mean anything, right? Why would Anya send it unless she wants me to go th-” Raven began to babble, instinctively knowing that something must be wrong but wanting to find another reason, any other reason.

“What street?!” Lexa yelled cutting off Raven and causing everyone in the surrounding area to turn and look at her.

Raven’s mouth clamped shut as she simply handed over the phone. Lexa stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity but was probably only a second. One word. One word and the world shifted on its axis.

**MAUNON.**


	20. Andrea Weston

Anya gave Raven one more fleeting kiss through the window of her car, twisting her fingers into the chestnut locks and pulling Raven as close as possible. They parted gently, Anya placing a sweet kiss on the other girl’s lips as she whispered “See you soon.” The mechanic reluctantly took a step back, repeating the sentiment, so the agent could drive away.

Weeks of planning, years of wishing and hoping, and now Anya would throw it all away, her final chance to put the past to rest, in exchange for simply staying with Raven and her family (Lexa, Aden and Lincoln) in this small town.

_Get a hold of yourself, you can’t lose focus because of a pretty girl._

_But what a pretty girl-_

_Enough._

With that thought, Anya gripped the steering wheel tighter, jutted out her jaw and pushed on the accelerator. The ‘Now Leaving Skyark’ sign whizzed past.

Anya went back to her modern apartment, all white lines and steel. The only splash of colour came from the photos on the walls and the refrigerator which was covered in numerous drawings from one Aden Woods. Anya dropped her bags in her bedroom and then instantly headed straight to the fridge to add the new pictures Aden had gifted her that morning. Anya stared at the art for a long time, tracing the numerous pencil strokes with the tips of her fingers before sighing and retreating to bed.

_The end begins tomorrow._

The golden opportunity arrived a few months after Lexa quit, and a month before she left Washington DC. Anya and her partner Nyko had busted the head of a small gang (‘The Yujleda’) that had gotten too cocky. They had begun to expand their drug dealing business to cover a larger area whilst simultaneously shifting to harder drugs like heroin. An expansion of that size and a shift in upscale drugs meant they recruited many new and unknown members, leaving them vulnerable to dissent and betrayal. Anya couldn’t help but think at the time that the whole situation was a good example of why she was so selective with who she let get close.

The swift and well-covered up dismantling of the Yujleda, left a void and a rare chance. Anya saw the potential. She had already formed and constructed the plan by the time she approached Director Johnson. The director required convincing: the promise of completely upgrading and updating the safety procedures for undercover operations alongside the fiery determination in Anya’s eyes had the director hesitantly committing resources. Anya would go undercover as the leader of the Yujleda gang with the intention of seeking an agreement with Nia Queen to help with their expansion efforts. The Yujleda would offer to go under the umbrella of Nia’s gang, whilst retaining a degree of autonomy in their territory. Anya would gather the evidence needed to convict whilst hashing out the details with Nia, a coalition of this size would enable Anya to peek at the gang’s books, to see where and how the bodies were buried.

Weeks went past as Anya and Nyko prepared.

A new identity was created, ‘Andrea Weston’, with an entire backstory and traceable electronic history.

Other agents posed as Yujleda gang members to set up the meet with Nia and provide a credible reputation that the Yujleda wasn’t just still operating but thriving as well.

Procedure was updated. Gone were the days of hidden apps to send messages. Everything had hidden trackers now. A secret alarm was built into her watch, a half turn twist of the crown and the cavalry would come storming in following the GPS location it would emit.

All of this prep work was going on in the background as Anya watched Lexa recover from the handiwork of her own demon, as Aden came to her to say the nightmares weren’t so bad anymore, as Lexa became less commander-like whenever they went out in public, as Lexa planned to move Aden and herself to a safe place and restart their lives. Anya was desperately trying to resurrect her monster as the two most important people in her life tried to put their own to rest.

* * *

Anya crossed her legs as she waited in the wooden, and poorly cushioned chair in the waiting room. The secretary was a young, red headed man with a sleazy gaze which hadn’t moved for even a moment off Anya’s long legs that were hidden, for the most part, beneath a black, pencil skirt. _Guess Nia put her foot down on pretty secretaries after Costia,_ Anya remarked, before feeling a stab of pain at realising that Costia had sat at the very same desk, the day before she was killed. Anya shook her head fractionally to dismiss the memories and pain.

_Stay focused, and you will get Costia the justice she deserves._

“Miss. Weston.” A charming male voice called out from the doorway behind the secretary.

_Roan Queen._

Tall, well-dressed, well-spoken, with a smart haircut consisting of a styled quiff and charismatic with eyes that twinkled and enticed. He was dressed in blue chinos, brown oxford shoes, brown belt and light, ironed, blue shirt. If Anya had met him in another life, if she didn’t know who he was, she could see herself falling for him easily. His tone was respectful, and as he crossed the room to shake her hand, he somehow put her at ease and made her feel like an equal (a rare occurrence for many women in a business environment).

“Mr. Queen.” Anya greeted as she got to her feet and shook his hand with a gentle up and down. Anya, normally, shook a person’s hand with a tight grip and strong shake, but the personality constructed for Andrea Weston was far more reserved, more focused on intelligent superiority than physical strength and no baggage requiring her to constantly prove herself. In fact, the background created was made to resemble Roan’s in broad strokes.

Andrea Weston was well-educated, having studied business at Columbia; she was pulled into the Yujleda gang by her older brother, whose sudden and recent death left her to takeover and improve upon the messy structure that he had abandoned her with. Educated but held back by familial obligations, just like Roan. Costia had often spoken about how Roan used to push for their business to go fully legitimate, to leave behind the drug business and violence and develop the transport side. Costia had always hoped during her time undercover that Roan could be prodded to turn on his family, but his familial loyalty was strong and resolute, not matter how much he obviously disagreed with their actions.

“I hope the journey was pleasant, and please call me Roan. We are to be business partners, not strangers.” Roan held his arm out and directed Anya to his office; as they passed the red head, who Anya knew was full on leering at her backside, Roan shot the secretary a disapproving look which did little to stop the secretary’s unsubtle gaze. Anya noted the fractious relationship and filed it away for future reference if required.

“Then please, call me Andrea in return. The journey was pleasant enough but I didn’t realise how cold it would be up here.” Anya replied with a reserved, professional smile as Roan closed the office door. The office was large, a dark wooden desk was off to the right, with a high-back executive chair behind it and simple leather seats for guests. In the left of the room was an expensive black leather couch and two matching lounge chairs around a glass coffee table. The walls were grey and unassuming, a large window behind the desk looked out over the harbour and the town of Azgeda as a whole.

Roan gestured for Anya to sit on the more comfortable sofa rather than the seats by the desk. “Andrea, it is.” Roan flashed a large, beaming smile as they both sat down. “It gets much colder here, you’ve arrived at the turning point to winter, and the tourism season has just come to an end. Many people come to Azgeda to fish and camp, but it’s getting far too cold now. It’s a shame we didn’t set this up a few weeks ago, my family and I often go camping and I would have loved to have shown you one of the best parts of living in this area.”

“I’m not really a camper.” Anya chuckled. The key part of being undercover was not being too creative with your stories and being as honest as possible. Lexa had taken Anya camping a few years ago and Anya had hated it. Absolutely hated it. She was a city girl through and through. It had rained the entire time and Lexa had insisted that they camp ‘properly’ i.e. they had to build their own fire, dig their own trenches, find water and pick a suitable place to set-up camp. Anya had put her foot down on finding their own food as she was convinced Lexa would have gone full woman of the wild and returned to camp with a dead deer strapped to her back and would then proceed to carve it up like a Turkey for thanksgiving. Anya had sulked for the entire long weekend in the wood, as Lexa ensured their survival. Years later, when Aden showed an interest in going camping much to Lexa’s delight, Anya had bribed the Gremlin to drop the idea with a promise of unlimited ice cream whenever she was with him. Aden hadn’t brought it up again. _And the aunt of the year award goes to…_

“City girl, huh?” Roan smirked as he poured the two of them some water from a decanter on the glass table.

“Definitely. My brother and I grew up in the city and I also went straight to New York for university. I eventually had to return home to help my brother. I would have liked to have seen more of the world, but… well, you know how life goes…” Anya trailed off as she took a sip from the proffered glass.

Roan watched her with a sympathetic glint of understanding in his eyes, “Yeah, I know how life goes.” He answered with a wistful sigh.

_Hook, line and…_

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

Costia finished the agenda for Roan’s meeting tomorrow with the logistics department and made to attach it to the email for all those attending when Roan stormed past her without so much as a nod or greeting before slamming the door to the office behind himself. Costia took a deep breath, finished writing and sending the email prior to checking the calendar unnecessarily to confirm what she already knew.

Roan had come from a meeting with his mother.

Roan had gone to the meeting optimistic; shares in Queen Transport were on the rise and they had procured a lucrative shipping contract with a well-known car manufacturer. Roan had hoped that these developments would be the turning point. The time when Nia would say he had done enough, that they could finally leave behind the drug business. Money was no longer an issue. Queen Transport provided enough of it. The issue, Costia knew, was power. Nia could never let it go. Meaning Roan would never be freed.

Costia left her boss to cool for a further fifteen minutes, she filled the time by going to the coffee shop across the road and buying herself and Roan a coffee and cinnamon swirl. Heading back to his office door, Costia juggled the items until she had a hand free enough to knock. A muffled, “Come in”, was heard through the door.

Costia entered to find Roan moving up off the couch and making himself more presentable by smoothing his shirt, he stopped when he saw that it was her and flopped back down onto the couch and groaned. Costia moved forward without a word and placed the coffee and treat on the table in front of Roan who was now holding his head in his hands.

“Thank you, Michelle.” Roan murmured as his hands fell away and he moved to pick up the takeaway cup in front of himself. “I’m sorry for storming past you earlier, that was rude, and I apologise.”

Costia, or Michelle Cameron, tentatively sat beside Roan and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Costia liked Roan, he was genuine, loyal, charming and without a malicious bone in his body. Costia truly believed he wasn’t capable of actually hurting anyone, she wondered if that was why Nia treated him with such disdain. Nia liked her son’s intelligence and her daughter’s brutality, but she loved neither of them for who they actually were.

Costia would admit, though, that Roan was a coward and too invested in appearances. Roan would never stand up to his mother and sister, would never take a stand against what they were doing. Nia said jump, and both children competed to jump the highest.

“It’s okay.” Costia dismissed with a shy smile.

“It’s not, but I appreciate what you are trying to do.” Roan gave Costia his beaming grin that she knew made girls weak in the knees. Costia couldn’t help but regret that it didn’t have the same effect on her, the only thing that made her knees weak was a green-eyed, cold agent who smiled as rarely as a blue moon. Costia shook thoughts of Lexa away as she accepted one of the cinnamon swirls that Roan was handing to her.

“Why don’t you just quit?” Costia finally asked as they nibbled their respective snacks. Roan snorted as if to imply ‘do you really think I can?’. “Seriously, Roan, you are highly educated and have been solely responsible for turning this company around and making it profitable. People would be lining up to employ you. And if you don’t want to work, travel. You have enough money to do so. So, why not leave?” Costia gripped her boss’ shoulder and turned him to face her as she spoke earnestly.

Costia was offering him a lifeboat.

Lexa was close to getting the final piece of evidence; they just needed to catch the Queen family knowingly transporting drugs using one of their own ships. Ontari had been making hints that the next shipment was arriving soon and that Lexa would be involved in securing the load. Costia had gathered enough evidence to prove that money from unknown sources was being fed into Queen Transport. Lexa had enough evidence to put away nearly half of Ontari’s gang members. The issue was Nia, and putting the gang down permanently. Right now they could probably put away some of the gang including Roan, but without proving the money was coming from drugs and being used to pay Ontari’s gang or that Nia was calling the shots… all they would be doing by moving now is slowing down the Azgeda gang for a couple of months. None of it would put an end to things.

Hopefully it would all be over soon… and Roan, Costia believed, deserved the chance to save himself. “Just leave, Roan. You deserve better than this.” Costia affirmed quietly.

Roan bit his lip, a nervous gesture that Costia had never seen him commit until that moment, her words were clearly having an effect on him. “My family… I owe them-” He mumbled softly unable to meet Costia’s eye.

“No, you don’t. That’s-” Costia’s jaw tightened and she huffed in frustration, “That’s not how family works. Love shouldn’t be a debt system, it doesn’t come with a price. You don’t owe them anything.”

Costia sent a silent prayer upto whatever higher being was listening and thanked them for giving her the family she had growing up. Her parents had never once let her feel as if their love came with a price.

Roan raised his gaze and looked at Costia with unsuppressed affection. “You’re right. I need time to think over what you said, though, before I decide anything.” Costia nodded encouragingly but removed her hand from his shoulder, the look on his face right now… she didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Roan smiled shyly and sweetly as he picked up his coffee and took a sip, “Perfect, as always.” Costia knew he wasn’t talking about the coffee, her throat tightened, and she opened her mouth with the intent to remove any confusion regarding her affection when, “Can I ask a favour?”

“Of course.” Costia agreed, her inability to deny someone help coming into play (Costia blamed her parents selfless attitudes for this personality flaw).

“My mother is doing a dinner… gala… ball thing. Supposedly for some sort of charity. I don’t think I can handle going and facing her on my own… Do you think you could come with me? Not as a date or anything, just as a friendly face and support…” Roan’s normally confident attitude had abandoned him for the moment, and Costia couldn’t help but think Roan ruffled and uncertain was far more endearing than his slick business persona.

“I’ll be there, that’s what friends are for.”

* * *

**Present Day**

The meeting with Roan was actually more of an interview. Very little discussion was had regarding their respective illustrious businesses, the focus was more on Andrea’s background and history.

Anya knew this was the first test.

Roan was testing and prodding her, looking for red flags, warning signs and weak points under a veneer of considerate interest in her past. Business was not going to be discussed until at least Wednesday, and to get to that meeting Anya would have to first survive the scrutiny from the Queen family before being allowed to see the family’s dirty laundry. Roan’s interview was a morning meeting, and the afternoon would consist of a tour of the ‘Queen Transport’ business in the afternoon before being chauffeured to her hotel where she would face her next test… Ontari.

Anya’s relatable backstory enabled her to pass the first test without much difficulty. Roan seemed impressed with her and opened up over their shared hardships about how he was trying to grow Queen Transport. It was obvious in the following tour of the business premises that Roan was genuinely proud of the business and how it functioned. He was clearly a good leader and would happily stop and listen to any employee that wished to speak to him, and they clearly respected him in return.

Anya could finally appreciate the positive way Costia had described Roan when she had been working for him. Anya had found it hard to agree with Costia’s perspective of the man when all she had was the cold hard case files in front of her that gave a clear indication of how Roan helped hide his mother’s ill-gotten fortune within their company, and how he would acquiesce to whatever morally repugnant act his mother would ask of him.

When Anya arrived back at the hotel she had enough time to shower and relax, not necessarily successfully, before dinner with Roan and Ontari, Nia had left a message that she would be unable to attend due to an unexpected business meeting that required her full attention. Anya wanted more than anything, as she readied herself in her sparse hotel-room, to phone Raven and Lexa, and simply hear about their days. Raven would certainly make her laugh and smile until she forgot who was waiting for her down in the lobby. Lexa would tell her about Aden and any recent developments with Clarke, and she would more importantly give Anya practical advice on how to handle Ontari, she wouldn’t sugar-coat anything but she would put everything into perspective. Anya slipped on a pair of red high heels to match her sharp, well-cut, red cocktail dress as she headed out the door to face the woman who had nearly broken her best friend all those years ago.

Ontari’s hair was longer than it had been, it now reached down to between her shoulder blades, and was currently pulled up into a tight ponytail. She was dressed in a black cocktail dress revealing far more cleavage than would be appropriate for a business dinner. The tattoos had also increased from just sleeves to take up the majority of her back as well. A new scar had appeared, jagged and deep splitting the corner of her upper lip.

Roan was in the same clothes as before but he now sported a dark blue sports jacket. The siblings were stood in the lobby in silence, both shooting the other dark and hateful expressions.

_This is not simple sibling rivalry, they look ready to kill each other._

“Andrea.” Roan moved towards the agent, subtly placing himself between her and Ontari without being too obvious. “Allow me to introduce my sister, Ontari.” He moved only slightly to the side as he spoke so when Anya and Ontari shook hands they were prevented from getting too close. Ontari’s handshake was a death grip, Anya bit back the wince of pain as she felt her bones get crushed and maintained a calm, unmoved expression as Ontari watched her like a hawk for even a flicker of discomfort. Ontari loosened her grip after one final hard squeeze.

“Pleasure to meet you, Miss. Weston.” Ontari smirked with a curled lip of distaste.

“The pleasure is all mine, Miss. Queen.” Anya replied with an arched eyebrow, as she hid her hand behind her back and flexed the twinging fingers.

* * *

The business dinner with the Queen siblings wouldn’t have been awkward if it wasn’t for Ontari. Anya and Roan conversed happily, pretty much continuing their life story discussion from their earlier meeting, whilst Ontari observed with a face like a thundercloud. The constant look of disgust deepened as the evening passed, and Ontari’s pointed comments grew less subtle and more cutting. They started as minor digs about Andrea and Roan’s ‘wasted’ college education, before moving in on what she assumed was Andrea’s weak spot, the fact that she required the help of the Queen business to keep her own afloat. Anya gritted her teeth and bared through it, resisting her natural urge to snap back as it wouldn’t keep Roan’s sympathy if he saw her in the same light as his detested sister.

“So, Andrea tell me… how do you keep your employees in line with your _obvious_ dislike for getting your hands dirty?” Ontari inquired as she sipped her glass of red wine. They had all finished their dessert, when Ontari had leaned back in her chair and turned slightly to be fully facing Anya, a malevolent glint in her dark eyes that burned underneath the flickering light of the candle on the table.

Anya flicked her eyes over to Roan, who had done little to intervene with Ontari’s barbed comments at all throughout the meal. Anya was beginning to think she had made a tactical error in judgement when she had chosen to get close to Roan over Ontari, especially if the power dynamic that was on display tonight, and constantly tipped in Ontari’s favour, was accurate or a good indicator of who Nia would listen to more. Roan provided less danger to Anya’s wellbeing overall, which had appealed to Director Johnson as the operation was prepared, and he was obviously valued by his mother if his high position at the company and support for his further education was anything to go by.

However, at that corner table in the only fancy restaurant in Azgeda, it was obvious that Ontari was the true heir apparent to the gang if the way Roan ducked his gaze at every jab made by his sister at his own expense was any indication.

“Trust.” Anya stated coolly, allowing some of her own personality to bleed through. “I make sure that they know their best chance is with me. If they are loyal, they reap the benefits.”

Ontari’s eyes flickered down to Anya’s legs in much the same way as the secretary earlier, and she licked her lips carefully before returning to examine Anya’s face with a twisted grin.

_Interesting. Lexa never mentioned that Ontari might swing the other way… Mother dearest, definitely wouldn’t approve of that._

“Benefits, huh? I can see exactly what benefits you offer to keep them loyal.”

Anya’s jaw tightened at the same time Roan ducked his head further as if that would limit his involvement in the conversation even more if he practically cowered under the table. Anya had a few options, bite back (Anya’s approach), coolly brush off the insult (the commander’s approach), shrug it off awkwardly (Andrea’s character profile) or…

Anya smirked as, unseen under the table, she reached out with her foot and ran it up Ontari’s calf. The dark haired woman instantly stiffened and the self-satisfied smile vanished as her eyes widened in mild terror. “I only offer those type of benefits to those who impress me.”  

Ontari jerked to her feet as her face turned a bright red with fury. “You little b-”

“Enough.” Roan commanded as he rose to his feet in turn. Ontari’s face shifted to a vibrant purple as she tried to spit out an even greater insult at being cut off by her brother. Roan simply turned his back on his sister and held out a hand to help Anya out of her seat. “Thank you, for a lovely evening, Andrea. Can I escort you back to your hotel?”

_I may have underestimated Roan…_

Anya took the offered hand and, once she was standing, smoothed her dress down as she glanced at the white knuckles of Ontari’s clenched fists. “Yes, thank you. And thank you for your company this evening, Ontari.” Anya held off adding that she hoped they saw more of each other, knowing it would be the final straw and Ontari would, with all certainty, take a swing at her… _and I like this dress, it wouldn’t do to ruin it._

Ontari glowered and fidgeted, for once appearing uncomfortable in the revealing dress she was wearing. Roan led Anya out of the restaurant and walked her back to the hotel. “I apologise for my sister’s behaviour tonight.”

“No need, she was merely testing me, my brother did much the same with new people. I may not appreciate the tactic but it does ensure that those you work with have a certain… resilience.” Anya said brushing the apology aside as she wrapped her arms tight around her body.

Roan grunted in agreement as he took off his sports jacket and handed it to Anya who slipped it on without protest. Anya could have seen the appeal of a man like Roan… if she hadn’t of met Raven. The thought of the mechanic warmed her more than the jacket wrapped around her.

The second Anya had laid eyes on the confident overall wearing girl in the autoshop, Anya knew she was in trouble. Knew that she was in serious danger of giving her heart away the second Raven had made her smile and laugh, breaking her normal resting bitch face. And if she was being honest, she had pretty much given her heart away by the end of their first date.

Lexa had gotten the two of them tickets to a monster truck rally an hour’s drive outside of Skyark. Raven had cheered and jeered as loudly as Anya, and had spent the majority of the time there breaking down and talking Anya through how each truck worked and how the different set-ups gave different advantages and disadvantages. Anya was amazed by how insightful and intelligent Raven was, and how modest she was when showing it, she explained everything simply but without being condescending. But the moment Anya knew she was totally screwed? When Raven snorted some of her soda through her nose after being surprised by a particularly nasty crash. Raven had complained for the rest of the event that her nose had hurt, but Anya knew Raven was simply doing that to draw a smile from Anya.

Roan was charming, but he had nothing on the brown-eyed girl in Skyark who only had to wriggle her eyebrows suggestively for Anya to breakout in a wide grin.

“I appreciate that you see it that way, but I should warn you, Ontari won’t take well to you flirting with her.” Roan warned with a quiet voice as they walked past a couple coming their way.

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know.” Roan nodded appreciatively as he tucked his hands into his trouser pockets. “Ontari isn’t allowed to be…”

“Gay?” Anya filled in with a whisper. Roan glanced around to ensure no one else was nearby before bobbing his head up and down. Anya licked her lips uncertainly before murmuring, “Nia?”

“Yeah. Want to switch families?” Roan joked.

“Most of mine are dead, so I feel you would be getting the better deal.” Anya replied deadpan.

Roan chuckled as they crossed the empty road. Azgeda seemed to shut down once darkness fell, Anya hoped if her operation was successful people wouldn’t feel the need to hide in the evenings. “I know Ontari seems… well, you know… but she has to be that way for her ‘role’ in the company, Mother has expectations of both of us.” Roan placed air quotes around the word role; everything was still shrouded in shadows and double meanings until Anya received the final seal of approval from the matriarch.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

 

Lexa admired herself in the motel’s lacklustre mirror. She was dressed in a dark green dress that revealed her toned, bruised arms. Her hair, which for nearly the entire time that she had been in Azgeda she had worn up in a high ponytail, was down and braided. There was a loud bang at the door announcing the arrival of Ontari who she was accompanying to the charity event as the psychopath’s newly cemented second in command. Lexa picked up her clutch bag before striding out the door and locking it behind herself. When she turned to face the youngest Queen, Ontari was staring at her with the harshest frown that Lexa had ever seen, it was a deeper frown than even Anya used to wear when she was at the height of her dislike for Lexa. Lexa cocked an eyebrow at the frown, and Lexa could’ve sworn she glimpsed a blush appearing on the raven-haired girl’s face before she spun and yelled for Lexa to, “Hurry the fuck up.”

 _What’s all that about?_ Lexa hummed to herself as she followed Ontari to the grey land rover.

The charity dinner was pompous and self-effacing. The food available was limited and poor in overall taste. A string quartet played soothingly in the corner, but no one present seemed to acknowledge the music’s presence. Ontari on the car ride over informed Lexa that Nia would like to see her at some point this evening. Lexa didn’t push for the reason for the meeting, merely nodded and steeled herself as Ontari gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles glowed white in the low evening light.

Ontari abandoned Lexa as soon as they arrived, wanting to get as far away from her second in command as possible for some unknown reason. Lexa worried that her cover had been blown as on the surface that would explain the meeting with Nia and Ontari’s nervous behaviour. But from what Lexa knew of Ontari, this suggestion didn’t fit. If Ontari knew that Lexa was a traitor, Ontari would be absolutely calm, and would dole out her punishment and death with complete satisfaction and enjoyment. Ontari wouldn’t be nervous but _excited_ at the prospect.

Lexa mingled with other guests, sticking mostly to other gang members she was familiar with. Lexa noticed Costia at the back of the room sticking close to Roan who would often admire the girl when she wasn’t looking. Lexa felt the beginning stirrings of jealousy as the handsome, young man led Costia from conversation to conversation with a respectful hand on the small of her back. Lexa gulped down more champagne with each affectionate hand movement.

Lexa knew she could handle the jealousy; it was nothing compared to high school when she had to watch on as good-looking guys would hit on Clarke right in front of her, and Clarke would giggle happily at their every word. It was nothing compared to the heartbreak Lexa had to feel whenever Clarke would get dressed up for a date with one of the football players. It didn’t even come close to the barrage of emotions she felt when she took Clarke home from Maunon Street. The issue was, Lexa hadn’t experienced jealousy for a long time. Costia was on the brink of bringing Lexa back to a state where she was comfortable exploring the idea of an actual relationship and Lexa was completely out of her depth with how to handle it.

“Hitting the champagne rather hard, wouldn’t you say, dear?” An imperious voice with a cold neutral tone challenged. Before turning to face the voice that could only belong to Nia Queen, Lexa in a sudden wave of rebellion gulped down the rest of the champagne and deposited the empty glass on the tray of a passing server.

Nia Queen’s face twisted with total disgust at Lexa’s act, no longer used to people not bowing to her every command and suggestion with ease. The matriarch was dressed in a dulled, gold gown that was fitted to accentuate a well-looked after form. Her hair was up in a bun that had clearly been attended to by professionals, her make-up wasn’t too heavy and she stood with her head held high. Lexa wished she didn’t look as regal as her name implied.

_She looks like she owns everything and everyone in this fucking room… and what’s sad is she probably does…_

“Rachel Franklin.” Nia stated enunciating the name in such a way that it caused Lexa’s ears to sting at the inflection on the hard letters.

“Yes.” Lexa responded refusing to drop her gaze and appear meek or deferential.

“You’re Ontari’s newest toy.” Nia proclaimed as her eyes flickered up and down Lexa’s body, assessing her. When Nia’s eyes returned to Lexa’s own, her face had switched from disgust to disinterested apathy. Clearly she had taken in Lexa’s cheap online ordered dress, her scuffed shoes, her bruised and scarred arms and found her unworthy of her ire. Powerless and without influence. Lexa now fully appreciated where Anya’s dislike for powerful people came from… she had never felt so _dismissed_ , so _irrelevant_ with a single look.

“I don’t know, if I would call mysel-” Lexa’s nostrils flared and she began to protest.

“No, you wouldn’t would you?” Nia cut in sharply with a shark-like smile. “People like you never fully appreciate that when they are in the company of their betters.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched and her eyes burned coldly, “My betters-”

Nia smirked at the growing anger within those green eyes, “You also don’t appreciate when you are in the company of people who hold your life and your future in their hands.”

“I think my life and future should be under my own control.” Lexa growled back.

Nia tilted her head to the side and took a minor step back enabling her to fully examine every inch of Lexa’s being. The predatory gaze and smile grew, “Really? Because from where I am standing… it doesn’t appear as if you have done much with that control.” Nia stopped a passing server to collect two champagne glasses and moved to hand one to Lexa who instinctively reached for it. As Lexa’s hand wrapped around the body of the flute, Nia leant forward and whispered, “Handing it over to me… well, let’s just say with me in control, your future could be far brighter than what it would be without me guiding the rudder.”

Nia relinquished the glass to Lexa who took a small sip of the drink, in total contrast to her earlier chugging. The tentative action had Nia laying a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and leading her out of the ballroom, “Now, let’s talk opportunities, shall we?”

* * *

Costia pulled her long black coat tighter around herself as she waited outside the hotel that had played host to Nia’s charity event. The event had begun to wind down, and Costia had finally been able to pull herself away from Roan to call a taxi and head home. The evening had been rather enjoyable if you discounted the guilt tripping that Nia did on her son not so long ago, and how Costia hadn’t got a single chance to speak to Lexa at all during the night. The only acknowledgement that Lexa had given Costia was when she had come back from being pulled away by Nia. A simple, determined nod across the ballroom. But it was enough. Lexa knew when the next shipment would be coming in. It would all be over soon.

“Hey.”

Costia turned to find a pair of entrancing green eyes staring back at her. Lexa was without a jacket or coat and Costia had no idea how she wasn’t shivering from the cold. “Hey.” Costia replied softly as her hand without forethought reached out for her friend to pull her into a hug, she caught herself just in time though and her hand fell back to her side heavily. Lexa, though, noticed the action and stepped forward a half step to make up for their inability to be close. Costia forced down a smile at the considerate action.

“Waiting for a taxi?” Lexa inquired neutrally.

“Yep.” Costia answered with a shy smile, as her colleague fidgeted on the spot. It pleased Costia to think that Lexa, after the all times Costia had reached out to start a conversation with Lexa and got shut down, now wanted to have an actual conversation with her.

Lexa huffed, pushing a white puff of smoke out into the cold, night air with her heavy exhale, “I thought you might be staying longer… with Roan. You seemed to be really enjoying his company.”

This time, Costia couldn’t prevent the wide smile and the laugh from bubbling up and escaping. Lexa pouted at the laughter petulantly which only increased Costia’s amusement. “I’m sorry, but that was totally unsubtle.” Costia declared once her laughter was under control. “And you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear something like that from you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexa denied with a furrowed brow and tightened jaw, shifting into commander mode.

“Don’t do that.” Costia requested alongside a gentle and exasperated shake of her head.

Lexa tilted her head in question, “Do what?”

“Pretend that you weren’t jealous and shift into the commander when I call you out on it.” Costia stated, no longer afraid of being direct with Lexa. Being charming and coy had been taking far too long.

Lexa pursed her lips, her gaze steady as she decided upon her reaction. She paused before taking a deep breath and ducking her head slightly as she murmured, “Sorry. I was jealous and I thought you were laughing at me.”

Costia smiled softly, “Oh, I was laughing at you.”  Lexa groaned and began to turn away until Costia grabbed her elbow and turned her back with a light tug, “Did you not hear the part about me wanting to hear that, though?” A crease of confusion divided up Lexa’s forehead, and Costia repressed the urge to place a kiss on top of the crease to smooth it out. “I like you.” The crease vanished to be replaced with mildly wide and alarmed eyes. “I’ve tried flirting, getting involved in your interests, I even purposefully let air out of my tires so I had a reason to ask for your help… I’m done being subtle, it seems to go right over your head. So, I’m just saying it… I like you. And when,” Costia dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper, “this is all over, I would like to take you out on a date. Is that something you would be interested in?”

Lexa stared at her slightly slack-jawed before composing herself. Green eyes sparkled in the darkness, “Yes.” Costia beamed as Lexa quickly darted forward to place a kiss on Costia’s cheek, “Get home safely, and I can’t wait for our date.”

Costia’s cheek burned pleasantly where Lexa’s lips had touched. “Ditto.”

Lexa snorted at Costia’s simple statement, as she backed away and returned to the hotel. Costia twirled on the spot in glee, like a character out of a musical, allowing her coat to billow around her.

It was as she completed a full rotation that she saw her.

Ontari.

She was leaning against the building across the road, her eyes burning visibly and her face twisted into one of pure fury.

Costia had yet to experience true fear whilst working for the FBI until that moment. She had been shot at during one of her first cases, and she had been scared but never to this degree.

Ontari straightened up and stood tall, her eyes never leaving Costia, as the cab pulled up and Costia slipped inside trying to fight off the tremble that was overtaking her.

* * *

**Present Day**

“Miss. Weston.” Nia greeted from her executive chair behind her glass and twisted steel desk.

Anya strode into the room and upto the desk, awaiting Nia to stand and shake her hand. “Mrs. Queen, it’s a pleasure to meet you at last. Your children speak highly of you.”

Nia had barely aged over the last six years, the only major difference was that her long hair had been cut into a respectable and fashionable bob. Anya hated the fact that she looked so good. Anya truly believed that those that committed cruel and atrocious acts should become twisted and ugly with each deed.

Nia eyed Anya and her offered hand warily. “Could you get me some water?”

“Excuse me?” Anya blinked in surprise, as Nia leaned back in her chair and raised her chin towards a jug of water housed on a side table across the office. Anya glanced over to it but made no move as her hand slowly retreated to her side after not being taken by the older woman.

_Fuck this._

Anya’s teeth clenched together and her hands formed fists at her side.

_Fetch, like a fucking dog._

Anya breathed out slowly. “Any day now would be good.” Nia prompted with a cutting tone.

_Play her game. Nail the fucking bitch. And go home._

Anya’s hands unclenched before she turned on the spot, walked over to the table and poured a glass. Anya walked back and placed the glass in the very centre of Nia’s desk, resisting the urge to slam it down.

“Thank you, Miss. Weston. Please take a seat.” Nia smiled, _like the cat that caught the fucking canary._ Anya lowered herself into the black leather seat, crossed her legs and bit down on her tongue. Nia picked up the glass in front of her and took a sip, “See that wasn’t too hard, was it?” Nia smirked as she circled the rim of the glass with a long and slender index finger, “You did what I asked and I thanked you. Simple.”

Anya swallowed the loathing that was building up inside of her, “Yes, Mrs. Queen.”

The finger continued its circling, the speed of the rotation matching the intonation of her words, “That’s how this ‘business arrangement’ is going to work. I am going to request something of you and you will do it. I will then thank you and you will be duly compensated.” The finger stilled as her words turned cold, “This is not a partnership. You work _for_ me. And you will be grateful for that.”

Anya hated Nia. And the hatred contorted her expression and made her voice venomous, “Why the fu-”

Nia lifted the glass and slammed it down, resulting in hairline fractures cascading across the surface. “You will be grateful that I haven’t decided to obliterate every trace of the Yujleda off the face of the Earth.” Anya recoiled at the animalistic snarl and roar from the cruel woman. Anya’s voice instantly failed her as she felt like a cold bucket of water had been dropped on top of her. It had been years since Anya had been forced to feel beneath or worth less than another human being, but Nia had created that feeling in the space of five minutes. “You will be grateful that I have deemed you to have enough value to recruit. You will be grateful that I have given you the opportunity of working for me. You will do whatever I tell you, and you will be grateful for that. Do I make myself clear, Miss. Weston?”

Silence followed the question. Adrenaline thrummed through every fibre of Anya’s being. She wanted to slap the superior smirk off the bitch’s face. She wanted to wrap her fingers around her throat and watch her choke; unable to make demands, to give orders. She wanted to make her feel _truly powerless_.

_Play her game. Nail the fucking bitch. And go home._

“Yes, Mrs. Queen.”

* * *

Bowing down to Nia was the final step. Everything was finally a go. The curtain was pulled back, no more double meanings, no more hints and subtle references. The rest of the week consisted of frank discussions and planning. One of the reasons that it took so long for Anya to go undercover was due to the shear amount of information the bureau had to generate for this portion of the operation. Facts and figures, names and places, all with evidence to back it up. There was also an incredible amount of information to memorise.

Most of the information in the early meetings, especially with Roan, consisted of things they already knew. Anya tried to get as much of the meetings recorded as possible. Evidence quickly piled up but the lynchpin was still missing. An actual shipment of drugs on a Queen Transport ship. Direct and undeniable evidence linking Nia, Queen Transport and the Azgeda gang to the drugs trade.

A shipment was due in on the early hours of Sunday morning and Anya had been invited to see it for herself. The FBI had been informed and they would come storming in the second Anya gave a visual confirmation of the drugs arriving.

Anya barely slept Saturday night, waiting for the call from Ontari who would be picking Anya up from her hotel.

_It will all be over by tomorrow. See the drugs. Call in the cavalry. Go home._

Anya tossed and turned on the bed, her mind drifting to what her Sunday would consist of if she was in Skyark. She would ( _hopefully_ ) be spending the night at Raven’s, and after a leisurely morning together in bed, Anya would drag Raven and (possibly, if she wasn’t there already) Clarke over to Lexa’s who would cook up a hearty breakfast for them all. After breakfast they would all go and watch Aden’s baseball game and Anya would beam with pride every time Aden went up to bat. Sunday afternoons would be spent in the park catching up with Lincoln and Lexa about their week as Aden worked on his sketchbook, handing his aunt a new drawing to take home with her at the end of the day.

The dream day was just within reach. _Next week. I will have that day, next week._

Her phone rang out at 4am. Anya dressed in warm clothes: jeans, hiking boots, flannel shirt, blue fleece, grey body warmer and grey beanie. Anya stashed a pair of gloves in her pockets and checked that her watch was in working order for when she gave the signal. Her phone could be located using the SIM and her watch contained a locator but she couldn’t risk any other trackers or wires on herself. The tracker in the watch was the most advanced they had and shouldn’t be found if they happened to scan her (at least that was that was what she had been assured).

Anya headed out and got in Ontari’s new black land rover. Ontari grunted a greeting at her before putting the car in drive and heading past the docks. Anya raised an eyebrow at the unexpected direction, but Ontari remained silent. Her relationship with Ontari had yet to improve since the ‘flirting’ incident. After bowing down to Nia, Ontari hadn’t tried to antagonize Anya any further but she had also refused to engage in any conversation with her whatsoever and seemed to vanish if there was any chance she was to be left alone with Anya.

Ontari took a dirt road and headed into the woods, keeping close to the coastline. Eventually they parked up next to a rundown dock with a fishing supply store out front. There was a long line of cars already parked up, and Ontari instantly shot out of the car as soon as she had put on the handbrake. Anya followed more sedately, forcing herself to appear calm, her fingers ghosting over her watch for reassurance. Nia and Roan were standing near one another, looking out to sea underneath the overhang of the fishing store. Anya went and joined them. It appeared that the Queen Transport carrying the drugs would stop outside of Azgeda and drop off the drugs to the gang members before continuing onto the harbour, meaning any unforeseen inspections or uninvolved employees wouldn’t be alerted. _Clever and simple._

Roan revealed the shipment should arrive in the next hour or so before he utilised the waiting time to complete work emails as Nia stared dead ahead and unmoving. Ontari paced and texted, acting like a caged animal. Half-an-hour passed with little to no activity. The waiting time only increased Anya’s anxiety, her heartrate increasing with every minute. She was surrounded by enemies was the main thought running through her mind.

In the background another car pulled up. Ontari immediately stilled and spun to watch the newest arrival. “Cleaver? What the fuck is he doing here?” Ontari spat before storming away.

 _Cleaver? Ontari’s previous second in command, last I heard he left town after repeatedly trying and failing to get back into Ontari’s good graces._ He had fallen off the radar in the last couple of years, supposedly aligning with another gang in the hopes that Ontari would change her mind if she saw him moving on.

Anya turned her back on the sea to watch the reunion between Ontari and Cleaver, who was accompanied by a cane and leg brace at all times. Ontari seemed livid at the interruption and instantly shoved the large man to the ground once she was within arms-reach.

Anya couldn’t explain it, but a deeply unsettling feeling was washing over and consuming her. An innate instinct in her body was screaming for her to turn the crown on her watch and run for the woods as fast her legs would carry her.

Time seemed to slow.

Ontari towered over the prone figure of Cleaver on the ground, yelling abuse at him. Her words inaudible to Anya over the gusty morning wind.

Cleaver waved his arms trying to get his previous master’s attention.

Finally, he yelled something that had Ontari stopping her rant. He began talking very quickly his arms moving in frantic gestures.

Roan, who was nearby, had looked up from his phone and was watching the scene play out. Nia was still staring out to sea searching for her next delivery.

Then time stopped.

Cleaver said something and Ontari’s head instantly snapped round to look at Anya.

_Fuck._

_Fuckity fuck fuck._

Anya instantly turned the crown on her watch. The cavalry had been alerted but they were near to the dock, not this tucked away location. They wouldn’t get here for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. And if the fire in Ontari’s eyes was anything to go by…

_I’m not going to last that long. They’re not going to get here in time._

Anya reached for her phone, and instinctively got up the word app, as Roan was stood right by her shoulder watching her every move. A warning text could be spotted and prevented. The app was linked to Raven, Anya had set it up with the intention that if Raven ever got in trouble she could use it to call Anya for help, it was never meant to be used the other way around.

Anya’s heartbeat slowed and plummeted to a steady beat.

_If they capture me… If they kill me…_

_There’s only one person who will be able to find me and bring me home._

Anya could only send one word.

One word that had to be recognisable to Raven.

One word that would make her question the meaning behind it.

One word that would make her show it to Lexa.

One word that would convey danger to Lexa.

One word that would make Lexa act.

**MAUNON.**

The word was sent.

Ontari was stalking towards Anya now, a look of pure excitement on her face as her hand moved to pull the gun tucked into the waistband of her trousers free.

All Anya could think in that moment was how desperately she wished she was back in Raven’s open arms, curled up on the sofa with her as they had been the night after their first date. How much she wished she could sit with Aden one more time as he drew her a picture or watch one more of his little league games. How much she wished she could spend one more evening chatting with Lexa as she cooked and teasing Lincoln at every opportunity.

How much she simply wished she could go home.


	21. Departure

Clarke had never snuggled into anyone she had ever slept with. She would always turn on her side and move until it was clear that she wanted one side of the bed just for herself. Clarke had woken up with people trying to wrap themselves around her and she would merely tap their arm or push herself out of the covers and to freedom. She’d never wanted to be surrounded by another person, it was cloying and irritating. She liked her own space and no one was worth giving that up for.

Except Lexa.

Clarke never wanted her own space again when it came to Lexa. Clarke couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around the brunette and holding her as close as she could.

Clarke never wanted to let her go.

Never wanted to wake up any other way, ever again.

Burying her nose into the back of Lexa’s neck, nuzzling into the brunette, wanting her every breath in to be of Lexa and Lexa alone.

Feeling the thrum of Lexa’s heart beneath her palm.

Feeling every breath leave Lexa’s body as the arms Clarke had wrapped around her rose and fell with the movement of Lexa’s ribs.

Feeling the warmth of Lexa pressed against her.

Waking up to Lexa in her arms was life-changing.

Clarke truly believed that their bodies were designed to fit together like puzzle pieces. That Clarke was born for this one moment, this one task, to hold Lexa in her arms as she slept. And Clarke was absolutely ecstatic with this predestined role.

It was incredibly difficult to let Lexa go, even as the Sheriff nudged and prodded at her, refusing to let Clarke hold onto this impossibly perfect moment for five more minutes. The kiss placed on her lips made up for the loss of the warm body only marginally. Clarke buried herself into the duvet trying to hold onto the lingering smell and warmth that Lexa had abandoned her with.

“If you get up now Clarke, I could use some company.”

_Warm bed with only the memory of Lexa or hot shower with Lexa in it…?_

_Is that really a hard choice?_

Clarke shot out of bed and chased after the smug love of her life.

If Clarke had thought her dream morning was over after her and Lexa finally left the shower and headed downstairs, she would have been incredibly mistaken. Clarke wrapped herself around Lexa as she cooked, enjoying that she could actually do this (this being hold Lexa in her arms whenever she wanted), and whisper softly to one another about the plan for the day. Aden appearing removed their physical closeness but Clarke couldn’t complain considering the small blonde boy’s bright eyes and animated conversation more than made up for it.

Breakfast with the Woods (and a snarky Raven).

_She deserved the kick in the shin and she knows it._

To be followed by Aden’s baseball game and then dinner with her parents and the Woods to finish it off. This was Clarke’s perfect day, and she felt like she had simply stumbled into it. Like the universe, who had forgotten about her existence, had suddenly remembered her and out of shock, more than anything else, granted her this day.

And Clarke wanted an infinite number more perfect days.

Clarke had accepted the fact, as Lexa kissed her that morning in bed denying Clarke her five more minutes, that she was going to marry this girl.

Because there was nothing in this world that was going to stop Clarke from having more perfect days, more days playing games with Aden, more days waking up to Lexa in her arms.

Clarke wanted _this_ for the rest of her life.

* * *

Clarke sighed wistfully as she watched Lexa ruffle Aden’s hair and smile with pride as she pushed her son lightly on the back to go and join the rest of his team. Lexa turned and walked back making eye contact with the blonde. Lexa gifted her with a knowing smirk that had Clarke blushing and turning her full attention back to watching the baseball game begin. Clarke continued to focus on the opposing team getting into position on the field until her ears began to prickle uneasily and tune into Lexa and Raven’s conversation.

“What street name?”

The authoritative and forceful tone that came out of Lexa was so wholly different to the soft spoken woman she had gone to bed with last night. Her tone was harsh, and Clarke’s ears felt a sharp stab of pain at the words.

Clarke didn’t want to look at Lexa’s face, already knowing what she would see, but her eyes would always seek out Lexa. Would always find her. Especially if she was hurt. If Lexa was in pain, Clarke’s eyes instantly sought her out with the earnest desire to find the source of her suffering and provide comfort.

The commander.

That’s what Aden had whispered, and later informed her in mumbled words, that this was Lexa’s superhero persona.

Her mask.

Her way of emotionally detaching herself.

Narrowed gaze, tight, razor sharp jaw, hollow eyes and pursed lips. Lexa’s body was slightly tense, not full on defensive and waiting for an attack, but more like in a state of readiness. Prepared.

Clarke wouldn’t lie and say she wasn’t attracted to this dark, ominous side of Lexa ( _it fulfilled multiple brooding hero fantasises_ ), but it did make Clarke apprehensive. The mask coming on meant Lexa was in emotional turmoil and that something bad had happened or was going to happen.

The commander would always mean danger, just as much as it meant safety.

_No wonder Aden fears and admires this transformation as much as he does._

“What street?!”

Clarke felt like a bystander witnessing a horrific car crash. Absolutely helpless to stop the impending collision as Lexa stared at the phone screen.

A second.

That was how long it took for Clarke to realise her perfect day was over.

That was how long it took for the commander to fully assimilate and remove the light spark of forest green that Clarke adored from Lexa’s eyes.

It was a second that lasted for an eternity.

“What does it mean?” Raven asked with wide, frantic eyes as Lexa carefully handed the phone back to her.

Clarke watched Lexa’s lips thin even further, clearly deciding upon what answer to give Raven. Without thinking Clarke placed her hand on top of the fist at Lexa’s side, squeezing lightly, hoping to provide some form of comfort or support. An almost imperceptible breath escaped Lexa and her fist un-tensed ever so slightly, Clarke saw all of this though even if no one else did. She had helped in some way and for that she was beyond grateful.

“Anya’s in trouble, that’s what the message means.” Lexa said coolly and quietly, aware that their conversation had garnered the attention of those nearby. Clarke’s parents were staring at the scene from off to the side, Abby focusing on Lexa with growing concern whilst Jake was giving Clarke a questioning look. Clarke nodded at her father to convey she was handling it only to turn back to find Raven had gone outstandingly pale.

Raven opened and closed her mouth, but no sound came out.

Lexa glanced at Clarke giving her a nod in much the same way Clarke had nodded at her father, she then proceeded to kneel down to speak to Raven in short, clear sentences.

“That message was my code word from when I went undercover. Anya sent it as it would grab your attention but would also mean something to me. You did the right thing by showing it to me. Anya sent it to tell me she’s in danger. And now that I know; I am going to find her and help her, I promise.” Raven’s mouth snapped shut and her head dropped into her hands, as she tried to gain control of her fast paced and uncontrolled breathing. Lexa instantly straightened not stopping for even a second longer to provide further comfort to the mechanic. Lexa unclenched her fist to grab Clarke’s hand that was trying to soothe her and tugged her swiftly to her feet and away from the watchful gazes.

“What do you mean you’re going to find her?” Clarke spluttered out in a panic as she gripped tightly at Lexa’s hand as if it was her only lifeline. Lexa ignored the question as she led Clarke down the stairs of the stands and around the side to be out of the sight of onlookers; Lexa’s stoic face not slipping for a second.

Clarke was genuinely convinced she might be suffering from whiplash.

From her perfect day to this… _It isn’t fair_.

She had gone through ten years without Lexa and after last night, she shouldn’t have to go without her again. Thousands of thoughts plagued Clarke’s mind. Concern for Anya and what it would do to the people who loved her if something truly terrible had happened. But Clarke’s main thought, and she knew it was selfish, was purely focused on Lexa.

_Please, don’t leave me again._

_Please, don’t leave me again._

Once they were truly out the direct line of sight of everyone else at the game, Lexa spun and placed her free hand, that wasn’t being tightly gripped by Clarke, on Clarke’s cheek, her thumb brushing gently under Clarke’s eye. The commander mask was still in place but there was that bright spark in Lexa’s green eyes that told Clarke that Lexa was taking control for her. Was breaking her emotional shield to reassure Clarke. Clarke’s heart swelled with more love than she knew what to do with at the action, her eyes fluttering shut to prevent the build-up of tears that wanted to burst forth escaping. Clarke leant into the cool hand resting against her cheek, and then felt Lexa lean forward until their foreheads were pressed together.

“I have to go and help her, Clarke.” Lexa murmured, her words sending a warm flutter of air across Clarke’s jaw.

“No, you don’t. If she’s in trouble, the FBI will step in. They will be looking out for her, right?” Clarke pleaded.

“Yes, they will.” Lexa relented as her thumb continued to rub soothingly into Clarke’s cheekbone. “But I still need to go.”

“No… no…”, Clarke began to shake her head and she felt a tear finally crawl its way to freedom and roll down her cheek. “Why do you have to go? I just got you back.”

Lexa brushed a light kiss to Clarke’s lips as she swept away the solitary tear, before pulling Clarke into a full-bodied, tight hug. “Because she would come for me”, Lexa answered softly, placing a kiss to Clarke’s forehead, “I promise to come back to you again, Clarke.”

Lexa’s arms that were wrapped tightly around Clarke, squeezed so hard the blonde struggled to breathe for a second. Then the pressure was gone. Lexa was leaning back gripping Clarke’s biceps her eyes back to focused and hard.

“I need you to look after Aden whilst I’m gone.”

Clarke’s heart stopped and her gaze flickered over, through the hollowed out steps of the bleachers, to the blonde, beaming boy in the dugout, unaware that everything had changed.

Clarke wanted to run. It was all too much.

_I can’t be entrusted to watch over Aden. I did it for one night and that was when there was barely any danger to Lexa. What if I can’t provide the support or comfort he needs? What if…_

_No!_

_Don’t you dare let the people you love the most down again. They need you._

_Step up to the goddamn plate!_

“Of course.” Clarke said her voice coming out far stronger and confident than she felt. The glimmer of affection and relief at Clarke’s assent was little more than a momentary twinkle in Lexa’s eyes, but it meant the world to Clarke.

“Lincoln will help with Aden but he works nights and you’re staying at the house so-”

“Lincoln and I will look after Aden, I promise. Focus on bringing Anya and yourself home safely.” Clarke cut in and Lexa squeezed the blonde’s upper arms tighter for a second to express her gratitude. “Go talk to Aden.” Clarke whispered as she leant forward a little to nudge Lexa with her forehead.

“Thank you.” Lexa murmured before suddenly diving over the slither of space between them and giving Clarke a fast and desperate kiss, pouring all the emotion that her stoic expression was hiding into it. It was hard and filled with longing and gratitude. Tongues and teeth, clashing and pulling. Clarke absorbed the sheer _wanting_ that Lexa was channelling through the movement of her lips alone.

All too soon, Lexa pulled away and softly brushed her nose against Clarke’s, in gentle contrast to the harsh kiss. Clarke bit back a whimper when Lexa finally released her. Lexa breathed out soft and fervent, “I’m coming back, I won’t leave you again.” With that murmured promise, Lexa departed to speak to her son.

Clarke tried to fend off the emotions warring inside of her. The sharp feeling of loss at what should have been a perfect, incandescent day with the woman she loved and the small boy that could pull a smile from even the hardest of hearts. Clarke buried the pain, promising herself that she would face it when she had a moment to herself, when she wasn’t being depended on to be strong.

Two deep breaths and Clarke was moving round the corner of the bleachers that had hidden her and Lexa’s interaction. The sight before her was like a punch to the gut.

Lexa knelt on the ground, on the other side of the baseball diamond with an angry, tearful blonde boy, who was trembling as his Ma spoke softly to him. Clarke watched as Lexa reached out to cup Aden’s cheek, only for Aden to bat her hand away, yell something (his words lost due to the distance) and then shove Lexa fiercely with both hands.

Clarke gasped at the open sorrow and hurt on Lexa’s face. Aden’s push would cause no physical pain to the sheriff but whatever he had yelled had clearly cut deep.

Clarke wanted to run over, scoop up both of the Woods and carry them back to the house, where she would barricade them in and never let them be parted for even a moment. She wanted to rush over and offer support, help and love.

But it wasn’t her place.

Lexa and Aden were the purest form of family. A family that had chosen each other and come to love each other completely and totally unconditionally. No intervention would be welcome or appropriate. Clarke had to accept her position as a bystander to whatever fallout was taking place, unable to intervene.

Lexa reached out taking hold of Aden’s wrists, only lightly restraining him, to prevent further physical altercations. Lexa was speaking quickly, as she stared at Aden’s downcast face. Lexa slowly loosened her grip on his hands, and stopped talking, there was a long pregnant pause, and obviously Lexa was waiting for Aden to respond, to look up from his staring contest with the beaten down grass. Clarke could see the deep exhale that escaped from Lexa’s body as she reached out and lightly ruffled the golden locks simultaneously leaning forward to whisper into her son’s ear. Whatever she said caused Aden to go very still and as Lexa moved away, Aden seemed to jolt and finally react by throwing his arms around his Ma and pulling her into a crushing hug. Clarke sighed with relief at the sight.

“I’m going with her.”

Clarke’s head turned to find Raven beside her, her face set. Clarke turned to fully take in her best friend, feeling her own brow furrow in response to Raven’s statement. “What? No, Raven, that is not a good idea.” Clarke rebuked instantly, crossing her arms in annoyance.

_Lexa going makes sense. She’s known Anya for years but more importantly she was FBI and can protect herself. She would actually have some idea of how to find and help Anya._

_Raven? She…_

Raven stared back at Clarke, dead-eyed absolutely unperturbed by Clarke’s dismissal of her decision. “It’s not up to you.” Raven stated simply, her eyes flicking over to the Woods who were still hugging each other tightly.

“She won’t take you with her.” Clarke declared, though her voice wavered, lacking certainty.

She was still getting to know Lexa, still learning how Lexa thought, how she ticked, how she reacted in different situations. It was something that Clarke had been relishing; slowly finding out what made Lexa… Lexa. Ever since Lexa had come back into her life Clarke had been grateful for this slow revelation, this slow re-learning… until this moment. Now… Clarke wished she had figured Lexa out, not just because it would help to know if she would accept Raven’s proposal or not, but because it would mean she had simply had more time with Lexa.

More time to learn her secrets. More time to fully know the woman who held her heart.

Clarke and Lexa had barely had any time and now fate was ripping them apart. Clarke had done everything right this time round, and the universe was now finally doling out her punishment for her sins a decade later.

“Sure she will, Griffin.” Raven responded with a weak smile that was a shadow of her normal, cocky full grin.

Clarke tilted her head at the certainty that Raven was exuding. “How can you be so sure?”

The smile on the mechanic’s face fluttered and grew, “Who can say no to me?”

* * *

“I’m coming back, I won’t leave you again.” The words slipped out unbidden, but Lexa knew they were true the moment they fell from her lips.

After this morning, after last night, after their first date, after the second she saw Clarke again for the first time in ten years, Lexa should’ve known there was no leaving again. No cutting ties. No running away. Lexa was pretty she couldn’t keep away even if she wanted to anymore.

Turning around and leaving Clarke, even temporarily, was beyond difficult even if it was necessary. Lexa managed it though by focusing on the even harder task of talking to her son. If leaving Clarke was difficult… Aden was impossible.

Lexa strode purposefully towards the dugout where Aden was waiting with the rest of his teammates for his turn to bat. He was happily chatting away with Charlotte, and Lexa’s heart soared and plummeted in equal measure at the cheerful giggles that were escaping from her joyful son. The little league coach made to intercept her, but her sombre expression and grim shake of the head had the coach nodding and stepping aside.

“Aden.”

Soulful blue eyes that were bright with joy sought out his Ma at the sound of his name, the smile on his face was broad and filled with child-like happiness. Lexa felt her mouth twitch as she realised that her son had never looked so young, so unburdened, and here she was about to snatch that away, destroying everything they had built over the last month. A fragile hairline fracture reverberated across Lexa’s heart as she watched Aden’s smile decrease in size, and his eyes dim at his Ma’s stoic, sombre expression.

Aden cautiously walked over to his Ma, and she placed a light hand on his shoulder to lead him away from the searching eyes of his teammates in the dugout. Once, they were clear of the stares, Lexa knelt on the ground and began to explain to her son as best she could what had happened and what was going to happen. Aden didn’t meet her gaze as she spoke, his eyes constantly on the ground, his shoulders hunched over and his entire body tense. Lexa’s voice faltered and cracked as she watched tears fall to the ground between them.

Lexa wanted to pull her son into a tight hug and never let him go. Instead she tentatively reached out to wipe the tears that were flowing, to tilt her son’s head ever so slightly so she could actually glimpse the emotion and thoughts going through his eyes.

“Don’t!” Aden yelled as he whacked Lexa’s hand away. Lexa instantly pulled it back as if burned. Aden’s head snapping up, his eyes simultaneously burning and drowning in anger and hurt. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t go!”

The hairline fracture intensified and extended into a full on crack. Nothing hurt so much as Aden thinking she didn’t love him. There was nothing and no one Lexa loved more, and she had made him doubt it. Made him think she didn’t care.

The rational part of her mind echoed that Aden was simply scared. She had just told him that his Aunt, one of the people he cared about most, was in trouble. His mind must be jumping to unknown horrors and terrors befalling Anya at that exact moment in time. And now here was his Ma, telling him that she was planning to go after her, and now those unknown horrors and terrors were being inflicted on her.

All Aden probably saw was that he was being left.

That the two people who loved him the most, were vanishing before his eyes to be consumed and destroyed by some unknown darkness.

Lexa’s mind and heart were in such a vicious war that she barely even registered the hard shove Aden gave her immediately following his words. Her hands reacted and lightly gripped his wrists, more to keep him present and with her than out of actual concern that he would physically hurt her.

Lexa’s voice croaked and she felt her eyes mist as the words began to fall from her lips. _He needs to know how much I love him and that I will always come back to him._

“Aden, sweetie. I promised you when I adopted you that I would never lie to you, that I would never make a promise I couldn’t keep.” Lexa lightly squeezed her son’s wrists, to show her affection. “And if there is one thing you ever believe… one thing that I tell you that you can be absolutely certain of… it’s that I love you more than anything or anyone in this entire universe.” Aden trembled at her words but Lexa still wasn’t granted a glimpse of blue eyes. “And nothing… nothing on this Earth could ever stop me from coming back to you.”

Lexa released Aden’s wrists and waited. Waited for a reaction. Waited for… something.

A deep, painful sigh escaped from Lexa. _I want to stay here with you forever, Aden. But I have to go._ Lexa slowly leant forward as she threaded her fingers through her son’s golden locks, “You will always be my son, and there is no place I’d rather be than with you.”

Still no reaction. No movement from her son. In fact he had lost the slight tremble and gone rigid. Lexa moved away, and placed her hands on her knees to push herself up when she felt a hard force hit her. Aden had ran forward and wrapped his arms tightly around his Ma’s shoulders and neck, sobs racking his body as he held onto her.

“Aww, sweetie.” Lexa gasped as she fell back to the ground and pulled Aden into her, nestling him in her arms.

“I’m sorry, Ma.” Aden choked out, as he burrowed into her shoulder.

Lexa stroked his back with one hand whilst the other cupped the back of his head, “Shh, it’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

“I love you too, Ma.”

“I know, sweetie, I know.” Lexa assured as she twisted her head to the side to place a delicate kiss on her son’s forehead.

“Bring back Aunt Anya.” Aden begged as his arms tightened momentarily.

“I will.”

* * *

After Titus, Lexa had sworn she would never walk away from Aden again, would never let him feel alone ever again. Anya and Lincoln had been crucial in providing the mother and son with the feeling of safety they needed to face the outside world.

Anya was the first person that Lexa left Aden with when she had to go out on her own. Anya was the person she trusted most, the person she depended on most… and it was only fair that Lexa was that in return to Anya.

Aden returned to the dugout, no longer cheerful and light but sombre and morose, the boy having aged greatly in the space of a few minutes. Clarke, back in her seat on the bleachers nodded at Lexa, that action alone communicating the ‘I’ve got this, I’ve got him’ Lexa needed to be able to walk away from her son.

Lexa put on a light jog as she left the area containing the baseball diamond and stands, the need to move quickly was equal parts wanting to get to Anya as fast as possible and put some distance between herself and the two people who could convince her to stay.

An arm appeared out of nowhere and fingers lightly wrapped around Lexa’s forearm. Lexa jumped, her free arm tensing, ready to recoil and lash out, when she saw brown eyes set beside crinkles and brown hair with flashes of grey.

“Abby?”

Abby didn’t say a word, she simply scooped Lexa up into a hug. Lexa’s breath caught as Abby stroked Lexa’s back in much the same way Lexa had done with Aden moments earlier. The hug was quick and Abby released Lexa as soon as it was over, but not without placing a fleeting kiss on Lexa’s forehead, “Come back to your family as fast as you can, dear.” Abby said her eyes flashing with love and affection. Lexa knew she wasn’t just talking about Aden and Clarke.

Lexa had a family.

* * *

Lexa rushed home following Abby’s farewell, she phoned Lincoln on the way, leaving him a message when he didn’t pick up letting him know what was going on and leaving the request that he look after Aden alongside Clarke. Lexa’s hands remained steady as she retrieved the keys to unlock the front door. Once inside, Lexa sprinted to pack a duffel bag with the essentials; warm, practical clothes being fundamental. When the bag was packed Lexa headed back downstairs, collected her gun and ammo from the gun safe and checked it was fully loaded and assembled correctly, before tucking it into the holster on her hip.

“Lexa!” A deep, gruff voice laced with desperation yelled out from the front door as Lexa heard it swing open, having not locked it when she entered the house moments ago.

“Linc.” Lexa called back recognising her best friend’s voice, and indicating her location in the study.

Lincoln appeared panting in the doorway, his eyes wild, and perspiration glistening on his forehead. Blue sweatpants clashing awfully with a vibrant green polo, revealed that the bar owner had rushed over with total disregard for his appearance. “I’m- I’m c-coming with you.” Lincoln panted as he leant against the doorway.

Lexa calmly smoothed out her clothes and arranged her jacket to ensure her holstered gun was out of sight, thus providing Lincoln time to catch his breath and Lexa time to compose herself. “No.” Lexa responded calmly, almost deadly, as she picked up the duffel bag at her feet and moved out of the study to the kitchen. Lincoln followed her a few seconds later once he had shaken off the shock of how easily Lexa had brushed him off.

“Yes, I am. Anya needs help, and you need back-up.” Lincoln said, frustration and anger starting to bleed into his tone as his normal, iron-clad, self-control began to ebb.

Lexa kept her back to him as she went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of water bottles for the trip. “I can’t let you come.”

“Why not?!” Lincoln snapped in desperation, coming round the counter and blocking Lexa from exiting. His arms were crossed protectively across his wide chest, his signature defence mechanism. Lexa breathed out slowly and nodded for Lincoln to make his argument. “You need someone to cover your back, and I’ve faced combat before, you know I can handle myself.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow at that, “You haven’t seen combat in over six years.” The ‘remember what happened last time’ went unsaid and hung in the air between them.

Lexa trusted Lincoln with her life, trusted him to always protect her, but she couldn’t live with herself if she put him in a situation that would test his sobriety so greatly, that would trigger so much pain and turmoil in her kind hearted friend. Violence never suited Lincoln. He hadn’t the stomach for it and Lexa would argue that that was one of his greatest qualities.

He would be a great help finding Anya but the cost of saving Anya might just be losing Lincoln again.

_Which is not acceptable. I won’t trade one friend for another._

Lincoln shook his head, his arms dropping and hanging uselessly at his side, “I owe her, Lex.” He pleaded quietly his shoulders hunching up to create a safe shell for himself.

“I know, Linc.” Lexa assured gently as she placed a comforting hand on Linc’s forearm.

“No, you don’t.” Linc revealed with a minor shake of his head. “She got me to write that letter, when you were undercover the first time.”

“What?” Lexa’s hand jerked back from Linc’s arm in surprise, and her eyes glazed over as she was pulled back to the moment Anya had given her Linc’s letter in the woods outside Azgeda.

That letter had meant the world to Lexa. It gave her the boost she needed to continue. It was a revelation that there was a life for her outside of Ontari’s violent sphere. That letter had been a shining beacon in a time of darkness and uncertainty. It was a sign that someone actually _cared_ about her, which was something that Lexa hadn’t believed for a long time until that moment.

“Anya- she-,” Lincoln’s voice cut in and out as his mouth moved mechanically trying to get out the words. “She didn’t give up on me, Lex. She made me realise how much you meant to me. I owe her for not letting me stupidly miss out on having a real family.” Lincoln’s words were rasped out as he ground out the truth and bit back an onslaught of tears.

“Oh, Linc.” Lexa breathed out before pulling her friend into a hug.

“Let me come with you. Let me finally return the favour.” Lincoln begged.

Lexa, though, was instantly shaking her head into his chest, even as he spoke his heartfelt request. “No, Linc. I’m sorry.” Lexa said, genuinely apologetic as she leant back in his arms to take in his tear-stained face. His mouth opened to argue or to ask why, but Lexa continued before he had a chance to speak, “What would happen to Aden if I took you with me?”

Lincoln blinked dumbly, caught off guard by the question.

Lexa carried on without waiting for an answer, “If Anya and I die who looks after Aden?” Lincoln’s eyes snapped shut and he took in a shuddering breath. “There’s no way I’m letting Aden go back into care. There is no way I am risking leaving him on his own. I can’t take you with me, Lincoln, purely because I need you to stay safe to care for the one person that matters the most to me. I need you to stay so that no matter what happens, my son won’t be alone.”

The crushing hug that followed, communicated Lincoln’s understanding of why he must stay. Lexa wanted to tell him so much in that moment. So much had gone unsaid between the three friends over the years. Lexa promised herself when ( _not if_ ) she dragged Anya back to Skyark, they would all sit together and actually talk about how much they meant to each other. No barbed comments, no hidden meanings, an honest frank discussion for once about the fact that, though they never said it, they were _family_.

* * *

Lincoln left not soon after, needing time to recompose himself before meeting Aden and Clarke at the baseball game. Lexa scribbled a quick note which contained information regarding Aden’s schedule and anything that might be of use to Clarke whilst she was staying in the house. Lexa then grabbed her bag and headed out the door and to her car, only to find someone already leaning against the black mustang, a bag packed at their feet.

 _Give me a break!_ Lexa groaned in her mind to the deity that had long ago put her on mute.

“I’m coming with you.” Raven said with a steely voice.

“Of course you are.” Lexa snarked back with a tone that somehow implied an eye-roll. Lexa unlocked the trunk and threw her bag in, quickly moving to slam it shut when Raven’s hand shot out to grab the boot and keep it open.

“Let me help.”

Lexa sighed, “No offense, Raven, but what use would you be?” Lexa tried to hold back the edge of annoyance at Raven delaying her. It had been over half-an-hour since reading the message and Lexa needed to get on the road as soon as possible.

“Probably none.” Raven answered honestly. “But it’s a long drive, if you let me drive most of it you will be better rested for when we get there. And when we’re there, I will be your gopher. I will do whatever you say, I won’t argue, I won’t complain. I swear. You want food, I’ll get it? Need me to sit in the car and do nothing? I’ll do it. Need someone to chauffeur you around? I will happily be your driver.” Raven’s chocolate eyes were completely earnest and Lexa didn’t doubt for a second that Raven would commit to what she had said.

Lexa tilted her head and bit her lip as she weighed up Raven’s offer.

Lexa was tired, no doubting that.

She hadn’t slept much last night, and the long drive to Azgeda would drain the small energy supply she had left. And Lexa had to be able to hit the ground running as soon as she arrived. Raven driving would be a great benefit in that respect. Having someone with her in a place filled with enemies would also be a major boost. And having another set of hands and eyes would go a long way.

The only major issue would be keeping Raven safe. Lexa couldn’t guarantee Raven’s safety.

Lexa had already grown to care for Raven as a friend. She liked the mechanic’s blunt honesty and quick wit that hid her deeply, sensitive and empathetic heart. Lexa wouldn’t want any harm to befall her.

Admittedly, she would allow anyone else in Raven’s shoes to make the decision for themselves. Raven was a responsible adult and should be allowed to decide what risks she was willing to take. The reason that Lexa didn’t want to do that was… Clarke. Raven was Clarke’s Anya. Lexa couldn’t put her at risk for Clarke’s sake.

Raven must have seen some sign in Lexa’s impassive expression, some rare glimmer of indecision that had her asking with genuine curiosity, “What if it was Clarke?”

_Shit._

Lexa’s jaw tightened and a heavy, pregnant pause swept over the two women in their stare down. Lexa slowly bent down and picked up Raven’s bag and with an easy toss of the wrist threw it into the boot of the car. “You do exactly as I say. And if it gets too dangerous and I tell you to hightail it out of town, you don’t question it. You get out of there and don’t stop until you are back in Skyark. Do I make myself clear?” Lexa’s tone was hard and brokered no discussion regarding her terms.

“Absolutely. You say run, I run.” Raven agreed with a rapid, almost comical, nodding of her head.

Lexa slammed the trunk shut and tossed the keys at Raven who scrambled to catch them, “You’re driving. I need to make some phone calls.”

The two women slipped into their seats, Lexa setting up the SatNav for Raven as she reversed off the drive and headed out of town. The journey would take a little over eight hours, non-stop, meaning they would arrive at the transition into night.

Lexa knew every hour, minute, second that Anya was out there, presumably held captive or in hiding, the chances of her surviving decreased dramatically.

_Time is not on our side._

Lexa reached across the console and flipped a switch causing flashing lights built into the grill of the car to light up and flare red and blue. “Step on it, Raven.” Lexa ordered.

“Yes, ma’am.” Raven acknowledged, flashing a ghost of a smile at Lexa; Raven’s foot immediately pressed down on the accelerator causing the finely tuned mustang to release an almighty roar as they fired past the ‘Now Leaving Skyark’ sign.


	22. Welcome to Azgeda

“John.”

“Ugh… Alexandria. Why on Earth are you waking me up on a Sunday?”

“It’s past noon, John.”

“Tell that to your namesake who still does not understand that sleeping happens at night.”

“Fair enough.”

“What do you need anyway?”

“I need you to fill in as Sheriff for the week.” Lexa waited for a response after stating her request, gripping the phone tighter as the silence ensued. Raven glanced over at her with a cocked eyebrow as she indicated to move into the fast lane and overtake a slow moving sedan. “John?” Lexa prompted.

“What’s going on, Alexandria?” The grogginess had disappeared from Murphy’s tone, his voice was alert and full of concern, having finally noticed the seriousness hidden under the surface of Lexa’s request.

Lexa allowed a minor sigh to escape, twisting in her seat slightly to provide a modicum of privacy from Raven. “Anya’s in trouble, I’m heading out of town with Raven for a few days. I need you to cover the Sheriff’s department.”

More silence ensued, as Murphy processed the information and decided upon his response. John and Lexa had never been afraid of silence in a conversation, both willingly embraced the lull between their words to ponder their thoughts and examine the needs of the other. Murphy exhaled deeply, releasing some unknown tension, before mumbling, “Putting me in charge won’t go down well.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched, knowing exactly what Murphy was really saying. _Emerson won’t be happy._ Lexa knew that, technically, she should be putting Emerson in charge, he had the most experience in the department and therefore protocol listed him as the stand in when Lexa was away. Purposefully going against that to put John in charge did not look good, but Lexa couldn’t let Emerson take control. She didn’t trust him, and she knew that Murphy was the best person for the job. Miller was still unsteady and Echo was too new.

Lexa forced her muscles to un-tense, “Well, I would’ve put Vera in charge but there was absolutely no way the mayor would have let me get away with that.”

Murphy chuckled drily aware that Lexa must have thought her decision through if she was trying alleviate his worries with humour. “I promise not to make any big decisions without Vera’s approval. See you soon, Alexandria.”

"Thanks, John.”

John merely hummed in acknowledgement at Lexa’s thanks before hanging up, presumably to get as much sleep as possible prior to facing Emerson tomorrow. Lexa slowly pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at the screen, the background picture was of Aden, Lexa and Clarke at the fair, the two blondes proudly holding up their giant stuffed raccoons for the photo, as Lexa forced a frown in pretend annoyance at their childlike glee. Lexa couldn’t help but feel as if that night was an extraordinarily long time ago, rather than a handful of weeks at the most. She quickly tapped onto her contacts list to obscure the photo from her sight and mind. She scrolled through the list and hit dial on the number that she had tried multiple times already since getting in the car.

The phone rang and rang. Lexa shook her head in irritation as it went to voicemail yet again. She promptly ended the call as soon as the robotic voice came to life asking for a message to be left after the tone as she had left two by this point anyway. Lexa caught sight of Raven’s knuckles whitening as she gripped the steering wheel tighter in response to Lexa’s obvious frustration. Noticing Raven’s reaction, Lexa steadied her breathing and practiced a few meditative mind tricks to clear away her agitation until her emotionless mask fell tightly into place again.

Lexa hit re-dial.

Ring. Ring.

Ring. Ring.

Ri-

“Judging by the number of missed calls I have from you, I assume you know, right?” The voice on the other line of the phone was monotone; the unemotional voice had little to do with the speaker being calm but more to do with him having a monotonous voice no matter the situation.

Nyko, Anya’s partner for the past four years, was a calm and stabilising force in comparison to the whirlwind Anya became when she was invested in a case. Nyko was adept at taking a step back and seeing the whole picture, whereas Anya became more tunnelled vision and had an almost precise, laser-like focus. Lexa had to admit that they balanced each other out remarkably well. Nyko’s unemotional, monotone voice, complemented Anya’s cold, bitch face perfectly in interrogations resulting in the pair being remarkably intimidating in the eyes of their suspects.

Nyko’s steady tone would have been reassuring to anyone who didn’t know him but Lexa instantly became aware of the speed of Nyko’s words.

_Nyko only ever talks fast when things are really bad._

“I know Anya’s in trouble but that’s about it, I don’t know details. She sent me a warning message through the word app that we used when I went undercover.” Lexa responded instantly, causing Raven to jerk in surprise as she hadn’t gone straight to voicemail yet again and was actually on the verge of getting some useful information. Raven’s sudden movement caused the car to veer and Lexa pointed her finger at the road to direct her attention back to driving as Raven muttered an apology.

“Anya did always love the old tricks.” Nyko said with only the barest hint of fond exasperation.

Lexa resituated the phone against her ear so she could hear Nyko’s words and limited tone better, “Nyko, I’m on my way to Azgeda.”

“Of course you are. Is there anyway I can convince you not to come?” Nyko inquired weakly. Lexa respected that he had to at least try to cover his back with the Director as there was no doubting she would be furious if/when she discovered Lexa was trying to insert herself into the case.

“Absolutely none. Anya needs me so I’m coming. What do we know?” Lexa replied with a decisive edge that brooked no further discussion on the matter.

“You know, I can’t tell y-”, Nyko began obviously about to recite whatever speech he had prepared before accepting Lexa’s call.

“Don’t.” Lexa commanded harshly, “I’m involved now and I’m going to help Anya. Let’s work together, not against each other. If you keep me in the loop, I can help and make sure I don’t step on your toes. Don’t include me and I swear to god if any agent gets in the way of my helping Anya I’ll treat them the exact same way I would treat a member of the Azgeda gang.”

“I understand.” Nyko replied solemnly. “But I can’t involve you in the case, the Director would have my head.”

“Let me handle Beca.” Lexa whispered harshly as she flicked her gaze over to Raven who raised an eyebrow in question at the name and Lexa’s sternness but thankfully held her tongue. Lexa had so far been impressed by the fast talking mechanic’s self-control, not once during their drive had she questioned Lexa or pushed for more information or even a plan.  

“Fine, I still can’t include you in the actual proceedings but I’ll pass along what I can.” Nyko relented. “I’ll email the undercover report to you so you can see what Anya’s been doing for the past week.” There was a pause as Nyko collected his thoughts prior to giving a quick de-brief he had probably given multiple times already that day. “Anya was meant to meet the Azgeda’s drug shipment this morning. She had an alarm and a GPS tracker built into her watch that she was to activate as soon as she got eyes on the drugs or if anything went wrong. We were all booted up and ready to go near the Queen Transport docks as that was where we expected the shipment to come in. When Anya set off the alarm, we realised her location was miles away; further along the coast than we had anticipated. As we rushed to get there, the GPS and alarm cut out, we tried to locate her phone but that was also unresponsive. When we got there it was clear that the Azgeda gang had cleared out only minutes before us. There was evidence to suggest a gunfight had taken place. We also found Anya’s phone destroyed at the scene and some blood that could be hers a little way into the wood, which we have sent off for testing to confirm.”

Lexa pushed down the swirl of emotion as she heard the report, keeping her mind focused on the facts and what they knew rather than the countless scenarios of what could be happening to Anya at that exact moment.

It was like flipping a switch.

She could feel her emotions flickering in the background trying to gain her attention but failing to catch alight as if trapped in a box and doused with water to prevent them spreading like wildfire. Lexa was aware on some level that the information upset her and that she should be experiencing anger or fear or sadness… The feelings were like snowflakes, small, fragile and ephemeral. Fluttering in the background before melting away without settling.

“Do you think she escaped or that the Azgeda got her?” Another slight jerk on the steering wheel caused the car to veer momentarily, but Raven regained control of herself and the car immediately; Lexa resisted the urge to point forwards again and direct Raven’s attention back to the road once more.

“Unknown.” Nyko replied quietly, the low volume reflecting the dread and despondency his voice could not. “There’s no body, Lexa. And the Azgeda would have killed her immediately, right? If they killed her, they wouldn’t have bothered to take the body with them, right?” The questioning tone reflected Nyko’s uncertainty, and how he was grasping at any straw he could to keep the hope that Anya was alive and hidden somewhere, waiting to be found.

Lexa analysed what Nyko was saying with cold logic, approaching the situation as if it was any other missing person case she had worked previously.

_Would they kill her outright if they had discovered she was undercover?_

_Possibly, if they felt they didn’t have much time before reinforcements arrived._

_Then again, Ontari enjoys violence, enjoys inflicting pain. Would she pass up the opportunity of hurting Anya?_

_Were Nia and Roan there?_

_Roan would balk at the idea of torture but would never speak up, his presence would make little difference to Anya’s odds._

_Nia is the deciding factor._

_She would want a quick solution. She’s vindictive and vengeful, yes, but only when it comes to her children, only when it’s personal does she make careless mistakes. With business she wants things handled cleanly. No loose ends._

_If Nia was there she would have had Anya executed immediately._

_If they were close to the sea, she would have dumped her body in the water and have everyone clear out before the bureau arrived._

_If she had time, she would have staged it to look like a hunting accident gone wrong or make it look like Anya had hit her head and fallen into the water._

Lexa sensed a muted flame of self-disgust at how easily she could deconstruct the thought processes of her enemies and swiftly extinguished it.

_It all comes down to if Nia was there._

_If Nia was there and there’s no body, the odds are that Anya’s in hiding…_

_If Nia wasn’t there then Anya might be Ontari’s newest plaything…._

“I need to see the place.” Lexa said as the gears in her brain began to decelerate after turning over the potential outcomes.

“I don’t think-”

“Ten minutes, Nyko. Give me ten minutes to examine the scene and I can tell you whether Anya is alive, dead, captured or in hiding. Ten minutes and we can all have some answers.” Lexa’s words were clipped and to the point, she wasn’t being boastful, she was stating it all like it was fact. A certainty.

Lexa listened to Nyko breathe slow and steady before sharply inhaling, “Ten minutes. That’s all you get. Let me know when you get into town and I’ll sort it.”

“You made the right choice, Nyko.”

Nyko snorted derisively, “Tell that to the Director.”

“Tell that to Anya.” Lexa bit back as she ended the call.

* * *

**Six Years Ago:**

Nia stood on the mezzanine balcony watching over the well-dressed, _weak-willed,_ attendees. She sipped delicately from her champagne flute as she watched the inferior beings titter and tatter about meaningless subjects, flitting from one unimportant conversation to the next.

Nia was in her element. This was her domain. Her kingdom and her subjects were laid below her. She was unstoppable. Power, money, influence… it was all hers.

Expansion plans were building momentum, the Azgeda’s gang was stable and word was getting out about the quality and reliability of their drug supply. With her two children as loyal lieutenants and shields should anything go wrong, Nia was completely untouchable. Ontari, with the recent upgrade in her lieutenant from the simpering fool Cleaver to the far more resourceful Rachel was finally coming into her own and building a fighting force that Nia could now wield like a sharp-edged vengeful weapon. The only issue was her daughter’s growing _attachment_ to her second in command as it brought out _tendencies_ that weren’t _positive_ for Nia’s reputation. Hence why her conversation with Rachel earlier that night had been so important, the girl’s loyalty had to be to Nia first and Ontari second.

Even the ridiculous amounts of money she had forked over for her son’s education was now reaping benefits. Nia had to admit that Roan’s business acumen was one of the key reasons Nia had been able to achieve so much. He was now crucial to Nia’s progress (not that she would ever inform him of that, it would have given him far too much power) and survival. Her son was the perfect the fall guy, it was his signature on everything, his name on every piece of tangible evidence. Roan wasn’t even fully aware of how stacked the deck was against him. Nia had paid for him to be educated, not smart.

Nia breathed out slowly as she enjoyed this moment to its fullest.

“Mother.”

_Of fucking course, I can’t be given a moment’s peace._

“My dear son, are you having a good night?” Nia inquired, forcing a fake smile as she turned to lean casually against the stone balcony and face Roan. “Where’s your little friend? Your secretary… Michelle, correct?” Nia didn’t even try to hide the disgusted flare of her nostrils as she mentioned the _whorish_ girl whose main aim it had been since starting her job was to put foolish ideas of _legitimate_ business practices in her small minded son’s head.

Roan flinched slightly at the dark look that crossed over his mother’s face. “Er… yes, Michelle. She… umm…”, _Dear God, get fucking control of your words boy._ “She just left, early start tomorrow. She’s very dedicated.”

“I would never argue about her… dedication to her work.” Nia agreed, taking a poignant sip of her champagne as her son fidgeted in place at her implication.

“The night seems to have gone well.” _Spit it out, already. This is truly pathetic._ Roan spoke slowly his eyes shifting from Nia’s feet to the glass in her hand to a point past her shoulder and back again. In other words, he was looking anywhere that meant he didn’t have to meet his mother’s eyes. Nia hated and adored in equal measure how her son could hide nothing from her. It was a side-effect of the fear and love she had instilled into him for most of his childhood. “We have raised so much for charity, I think we can make a diff-” 

“Enough of this inane chitchat. What is it you are avoiding telling me?” Nia’s voice was chillingly cold earning a minor tremor to shudder through Roan’s hand and rattle the ice in his whiskey against the glass.

Roan eyed the floor for a long moment, Nia waited patiently for her son to do as he always did after she pushed him towards a confrontation. He would look up shyly, shake his head, mutter that it wasn’t important, excuse himself leaving his mother to her peace as he wandered away to drink off the shame that came alongside his cowardice. It had always been a certainty that he would respond like that… until today.

 _Today, he has found his fucking backbone._ _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

Roan’s body stilled, and when he looked up there was a hard edge to his eyes that Nia had never seen in her son before, and only caught flashes of in her daughter. “I’m done.”

Nia blinked, her hand freezing in mid-air as it lifted the glass towards her mouth. “What did you say?” Nia asked deathly quietly, as her eyes burned with cold, building fury.

Roan breathed out slowly as he straightened and smoothed out his jacket with his free hand; the professional business mask that he used to never be able to wear in front of his mother slotted into place. “I’m done. I don’t want to be involved in,” Roan glanced around before stepping forward to ensure no one could overhear, “the drug business anymore. I want more for myself, Mother. I want a job that I can take pride in. I want to travel, to see the world. I want to get married, have children… but mostly I want to do something… worthy.”

If Nia was a good mother, her chest would have been bursting with pride.

If Nia was a good mother, she would have been overjoyed that her son’s eyes lit up with passion.

If Nia was a good mother, she would have been curious about what other dreams her son had, she would’ve asked where he wanted to travel, what career he truly wanted.

Nia was not a good mother.

“You’re done.” Nia whispered, a cruel snarl warping her features. “Done?”

Nia could not fully comprehend the torrent of emotion that was storming through her at that moment. Fury, confusion, fear, anguish, betrayal… Nia couldn’t handle all of them, so she focused in on the one she was most familiar with. Anger.

With Roan leaving, Nia would lose her shield. Would lose the business face of her operation.

 _My own son is fucking me over. My own son is… No… this isn’t Roan. Roan is a coward. A weak-willed, puny man. This is the work of that uppity secretary, isn’t it? That bitch got her claws in my son and turned him against me._   

Roan nodded determinedly not blinking as he did so.

“That little bitch is behind this isn’t she?” Nia accused harshly as her grip on her drink tightened to such a degree that Nia could feel the glass itself begin to reach its breaking point.

“Mother-”, Roan said with a sigh of resignation that provided Nia the confirmation she didn’t need.

“Don’t you dare call me Mother. You are not my son, not after telling me that you intend to abandon me… your family… for a pretty fuck who will dump you the moment your money is used up. And it will be used up. Do you honestly think another company will even give you a minute of their time? You would be nothing without me. And you will be nothing without me.” Nia spat out venomously.

Roan flinched but the resolve that Costia had been cultivating within him did not abandon him in his time of need. Roan smiled softly in the face of his mother’s hatred. “You’re wrong. Michelle’s not like that, she sees potential in me. And you may be right… I may fail, I may end up being nothing but I have a reason to try for something else and that’s worth a whole lot more than money.” Roan nodded once, as he raised his glass in cheers before turning and walking away.

Nia spun on the spot after watching the back of her son retreat away from her; her free hand gripped futilely at the stonework of the balustrade as her other hand smashed the half-empty flute onto the floor carelessly. The sound of shattering glass attracted the attention of the people below, their hollow eyes seeking out the slightest change from their expected norm. All of them searching for any event, attraction or entertainment that would add even the smallest spark to their dull, insubstantial lives.

Nia wanted to scream at them, wanted to unleash a violent rage on their simpering, vacant expressions. Nia wanted justice for the betrayal she had just experienced, wanted vengeance on any who had unknowingly bared witness to her son’s rebellion.

A figure was shoving their way viciously through the partygoers below causing their short-attention spans to change focus from the smashed glass to the bull-headed crowd-pusher. Nia’s laser-focus gaze zeroed in on the cause of the disruption to discover it was Ontari making her way forcefully to the bar. Nia knew her daughter was unstable even at the best of times, but her current behaviour was even more erratic than usual.

Nia watched as her daughter slammed back hard liquor, giving the bartender hardly anytime at all to refill her drink before she was throwing back the drink again. She was clearly distraught and required comfort but all Nia could think as she descended the nearby stairs was how vicious Ontari could be to a chosen victim when she was in this state.

All Nia could see as she approached her pet psychopath was how Ontari could make the streets of Azgeda run red with blood that night. And all Nia would have to do is ask.

* * *

**Present Day**

After passing on everything Nyko had told her and what the plan was to Raven, Lexa burrowed down in the passenger seat to try and get a crucial couple hours of sleep whilst she could. Lexa admired how surely Raven drove at such consistently high speed. Other than the few comments causing her to veer marginally during Lexa’s phone conversation, Raven was an incredibly safe driver and Lexa appreciated her skill as it enabled her to feel safe enough to close her eyes and fully entrust Raven to get her there in one piece.

Darkness started to fall close to six and Lexa stirred alongside it, shaking herself free of the violent dreams and soft spoken words that haunted her. “You okay?” Raven asked gently as she caught sight of Lexa straightening herself up in her seat.

Lexa nodded at first before realising that Raven was back to focusing on the road rather than on her. “Fine.” Lexa grunted out alongside a yawn.

They were off the motorway and barrelling down a smaller main road to reach their destination. The blue and red lights of the car were off as there was no one around to worry about. Azgeda was a town set at the foot of two large mountains, meaning there was only one main road in and out of town that had to weave through the valley between the two imposing rock guardians. The solitary road and surrounding wilderness was limiting to the expansion of the town, and explained why fishing businesses and Queen Transport were the main sources of employment.

The dependency the town had on the Queens’ success for their own income allowed the Azgeda gang to flourish without much interference. It was only after the Azgeda gang became one of the largest drug distributor’s in the state, that the FBI even became aware of their existence. It was at this time the singular road granted another benefit to the Queen family, besides creating a dependency on the work they offered, they could place someone to monitor the road at a key point. Fair warning could be given if a suspicious vehicle or raid van was journeying towards town. Funnelling agents in for a bust like the one Anya and Nyko had been planning must have taken time and been well-thought out.

 _And it still all came to nothing in the end,_ Lexa thought bitterly.

Lexa wasn’t too concerned about being monitored on the way into town, the bureau would be working out in the open and Nia wouldn’t waste any people or resources to watch the road for an invasion when the enemy were already inside.

As Lexa’s mind shook of her drowsiness, her thoughts kicked into action, creating plans and preparing for various situations. It was half-an-hour until she even realised that Raven had barely said a word for the entire trip. Lexa’s brain shifted focus to examine her ( _friend?_ ) companion.

_Empty gaze, gnawing her bottom lip. Anxious._

_High levels of self-restraint. Admirable._

_Requires conversation; needs to be able to vocalise concerns to ensure full concentration._

_An hour left to Azgeda. Best plan would be to allow her to vent and re-energise self-control before reaching our destination._

Lexa who had been scrutinising Raven’s profile tilted her head as she completed her clinical analysis. “How are you doing, Raven?” Lexa questioned with an even tone.

“Fine.” Raven responded stiffly as she shot the Sheriff a sideways glance.

_She thinks I’m testing her…_

“Good.” Lexa remarked, her hollow expression not changing even slightly as she did so, “Can I ask you something?”

Raven’s fingers flexed around the steering wheel and she swallowed thickly as she nodded, “Sure.”

“How did you and Clarke meet?”

Raven’s head snapped round from forward facing to stare openly at Lexa in shock, not expecting the question in the slightest. “You want me to tell you how Clarke and I met? Now?” Raven asked with an expression that could only be described as bewildered.

Lexa shrugged nonchalantly as she raised a finger to point at the road; Raven’s gaze immediately snapped back to the front. “We have an hour or so before we arrive. You got anything better to talk about?”

Raven rolled her shoulders to relieve her taut muscles. _Good sign._ “I guess not. It’s not a particularly happy story, though.”

“Anya and I didn’t start off well either.” Lexa reminded her gently.

A smirk slipped into place on Raven’s face and Lexa knew she had drawn the mechanic in enough to allow her worries to diminish marginally. “Trust me, Clarke and I started off far worse.”

“Really?” Lexa prompted as she cocked an eyebrow.

“I first met Clarke when I walked in on her and my boyfriend in bed together.”

“Oh.” It was all Lexa could think to say. Raven’s smirk broadened as she enjoyed being able to surprise the commander, but it vanished as she started her story in earnest.

“She didn’t know.” Raven affirmed, instantly springing to her best friend’s defence. “My ass of a boyfriend never told her.” Lexa stayed quiet, knowing that allowing Raven to simply talk uninterrupted for as long as possible was the best way to get Raven to emotionally vent. “Finn- that’s my ex- and I grew up in a crappy, rundown part of Boston. You know the kind of place I’m talking about. It’s the kind of place where you would increase your pace when walking through so you spent as little time there as possible. Finn was pretty much all I had.” Raven sneaked a peek at Lexa who was still watching her closely; Lexa nodded her head in encouragement. “He was my best friend. Sweet, funny, looked like a bad boy but had a heart of gold. Falling in love with him was easy, getting together was even easier. He applied to university and I applied to the same ones. He was the only thing I wanted, and I wasn’t going to give him up for anything, even if it wasn’t the best thing for me. Do you have any idea what I mean?”

Lexa listened attentively to Raven’s words, and couldn’t help but appreciate the similarities between themselves. _I know exactly what you mean. I would have given everything up to follow Clarke. Would have become fully dependent on her for my own happiness… I don’t regret leaving town as it allowed me to become my own person._

_If I had stayed… would I have been able to develop as well as Raven did after Finn?_

_Probably not,_ Lexa admitted to herself honestly.

“I know what you mean.” Lexa said seriously, Raven hummed and nodded in understanding at the sheriff’s tone.

“Well, anyway, I followed him around like a lost puppy doing a degree I had absolutely no interest in. School never really suited me, I was always more of a learn by doing kind of girl, but Finn loved education, loved lessons and loved the theory and rationalisation behind everything. So, there I was doing something I hated to be with someone I thought, at the time, loved me. We were halfway through the first year when I go round to his place and find him in bed with some random blonde. And… and I just… lost it. Started screaming, grabbed the girl and threw her out. Finn instantly started to apologise, and I… I… accepted it. I convinced myself that it was all this random girl’s fault, that somehow she was all to blame. Which I know, wasn’t rational but… I couldn’t blame the guy who had always been there for me growing up. The guy I loved more than anything. So, I took all my fury and hurt out on the only other acceptable target.”

“Clarke.” Lexa supplied sadly as Raven paused and sighed with sorrow as she felt the familiar stab of pain at the memories.

“Yeah.” Raven whispered with a voice heavy with regret. “I made her life miserable for the rest of the year. Spread rumours, insulted and belittled her at every opportunity.” Raven turned pale at the memories but pushed on regardless, “She took it without complaint for a few weeks, all she would ever say is that she didn’t know, would never have done anything if she’d known and that she was sorry. Eventually, though, she started to fight back. I don’t know which I feel guiltier about… how cruelly I treated her or how I pushed her to be as just as cruel back…”

Images and flashbacks broke through to the forefront of Lexa’s mind, and she wanted to look away from Raven, wanted to fight off her own pain without having to stay composed. Raven, however, needed Lexa to not react, to not seem put off by Raven’s mistakes, so she swallowed her own personal trauma and reached across to squeeze the mechanic’s shoulder in support.

“It was at the end of our second year… err… By then, I had broken up with Finn properly… he had cheated on me with others and I could no longer sweep it under the rug but by this point with Clarke…” Raven trailed off and pursed her lips as she turned off the main road at the upcoming junction.

“Too much hurt on either side to forgive the first mistake.” Lexa summed up with a weary sigh.

“Pretty much. So… end of our second year, Clarke and I run into each other between classes and trade insults like we always do, but this time… Clarke was on a shorter fuse- at the time I didn’t know why but I figured it out later.” Raven paused for less than a second but there was something heavy and unspoken in that moment which had Lexa wanting to push for clarification. Before Lexa had a chance to voice anything though, Raven returned to her tale at her normal fast pace, “Our argument became less verbal and more… physical. We got pulled off each other and dragged to see the dean who gave us an ultimatum… any more ‘disagreements’,” Raven uncurled her index and middle fingers from the steering wheel to make speech marks, “and we would both be kicked out.”

“So that stopped the fighting, but how did you become friends after all that?” Lexa inquired, now fully invested in Raven’s story.

“Well the dean didn’t just give us an ultimatum he also doled out a pretty unique punishment.” Raven answered, the smirk that had disappeared, for the majority her story, reappearing again.

“Which was?”

Raven chuckled, “He made us roommates.”

“You’re shitting me. Did he want a homicide on campus?”

“That’s what we were thinking at the time. But- you know, the whole ‘walk a mile in someone else’s shoes’?” Lexa nodded with a small smile of understanding that she did her best to hide, “Yeah, well we found out how true that was over that year. I mean it wasn’t instant friendship but we begrudgingly came to like each other and it grew from there. Neither of us had any other friends on campus. I burned all mine when I want on my rampage after Finn cheated, and Clarke never really had many to begin with. She kept to herself for the most part, didn’t interact with anyone. Finn was the only actual friend she had, the only one who fought to know her and she cut him out of her life when she found out about me. So, we ended up spending a lot of time together… became friends… became best friends. Clarke encouraged me to do what I actually wanted which was become a mechanic and I supported her when she didn’t want to be a surgeon like her mom. Funny how the world turns out, isn’t it?”

Lexa finally looked away from Raven, who had fully settled into her seat and appeared loose and comfortable, so she could unlock her phone and stare at the photo of two beaming blondes. “You can say that again.”

“Thanks, by the way.” Raven murmured as her breath came out steady and strong after her cathartic release of emotion.

“For what?” Lexa asked purposefully playing dumb.

Raven turned her head so Lexa could see both of her raised eyebrows and unimpressed frown, “You know what for.”

* * *

As Raven drove into Azgeda she couldn’t help but notice that the town looked like the setting of a post-apocalyptic movie, not in the run down, deserted way but in the ‘everyone went to the rapture’ kind of way. The place was dead. There was barely any movement or life. It was as if there was a well-respected town curfew in place following the setting of the sun.

Raven and Lexa had continued chatting ( _well, I talked, Lexa stoically listened_ ), for the last leg of the journey, mostly about Raven and Clarke’s first year as roommates. As they crossed the boundary into town, Raven felt the shift in Lexa, and wisely chose to end their communication, as Lexa sealed herself away in preparation. Raven drove them to a crappy motel on the edge of town that Lexa had suggested was the safest place for them to crash during their stay. They checked in quickly, throwing their bags on their respective twin beds before rushing straight back to the mustang where Lexa phoned Nyko and got directions to Anya’s last known whereabouts.

The road they drove along was more dirt than concrete and the mustang struggled the closer they got to their destination, Raven, however, steered with certainty and, before they knew it, they were pulling up to a taped off area surrounding a dock and fishing supply store. A stout man with a bushy beard, dressed in a dour suit that didn’t seem very well fitted, was leaning against an SUV which Raven parked up alongside. Lexa waited until Raven extracted the keys from the ignition and then gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before getting out of the car. Raven lingered in her seat a few seconds longer, trying to push back the images that were attempting to overwhelm her. She shakily got out of the car as Lexa strode to greet, who Raven presumed was, Nyko. Raven stayed back and allowed the two to talk as she examined the area.

Raven hated this place instinctively.

Her imagination instantly began spiralling and bringing forth an array of scenarios to sicken and distress her.

_Anya waiting for the shipment when she was suddenly grabbed and pulled into the back of a car._

_Anya in a gunfight, taking cover behind the fishing store as bullets smashed into the plastering above her._

_Anya on her knees, mud caking her legs, her head bowed as someone placed a gun to her forehead._

_Anya’s lifeless body being thrown off the edge of the dock, no one showing any respect or-_

“Raven. Take deep breaths, okay?”

Within moments of hearing Lexa’s soothing request, Raven became aware of two things, one that she was hyperventilating, her breathing coming out in sharp staccato exhales, air failing to return to her lungs in response. The second thing she became aware of was Lexa. She was stood just off to one side, her green eyes searching as she lightly stroked up and down Raven’s back. Raven was grateful that Lexa wasn’t trying to invade her personal space, instead giving her that one point of contact to ground her to the world and away from the dark thoughts her mind was displaying to her.

“Copy me. In… 1… 2… 3...” Lexa exaggerated the actions of breathing in, raising her hand with the motion so that Raven had a visual reference point to follow, “Out… 1… 2… 3…”, Lexa lowered her hand as she breathed out whilst her other hand, on Raven’s back, moved in time with her words and actions.

Lexa repeated the breathing mantra and soothing movements, Raven mimicking the actions until her breathing was back under control without needing Lexa’s prompting. At some point during her calm down, Nyko, who had been watching on, started to speak, presumably to hurry them along, but Lexa shot the stout agent an expression so stern Raven wouldn’t have been surprised if he squeaked out a ‘sorry, miss’ like a scolded schoolboy in response.

“I’m okay now.” Raven finally managed to say once her head had cleared and a tremble she hadn’t even noticed disappeared.

Lexa eyed her with concern before carefully suggesting, “Why don’t you wait in the car?” Raven was already shaking her head in refusal. “I won’t be long and I promise I’ll still tell you everything.” Lexa tried instead as her hand retreated from Raven’s back to squeeze her shoulder.

“I won’t follow you around the-” Raven gestured helplessly at their surroundings, her throat clenching up as she was on the precipice of saying crime scene. “I’ll stay by the car but I don’t think I can sit in an enclosed space by myself right now.” Raven whispered honestly.

“I understand.” Lexa said in such a way that Raven genuinely believed her. “Stay with Nyko and I promise I won’t be long.” Raven nodded in gratitude as Lexa turned away and started carefully treading through the cordoned off zone. Nyko was leaning against his SUV again, watching Lexa move carefully, and Raven steadily made her way over to stand beside him on her uneasy legs and joined him in his observation.

Anya’s partner smelled of cheap cologne and fast food. His suit was a drab brown and his tie loose around his neck. He looked like a stereotypical cop from a bad seventies movie. Anya, though, had always spoken extremely highly of her partner. He was dedicated and open to other suggestions and ideas so he didn’t tend to get fixated on a suspect if they didn’t fit the facts of the case. He was also a stickler for the rules and following orders, with a strong respect for authority.

Raven greeted him and he gave her a shy, knowing smile that had the mechanic blushing when she told him her name, “Anya’s girl, right?”

“Err… yeah, I guess so.” Raven stuttered, the question was probably meant to be charming and good-natured but all it did was throw her. She and Anya hadn’t explicitly had the conversation about if they were even in a relationship… _We’d only had one fucking date…_ That thought stung Raven more than she thought it would.

Nyko must have detected some emotional turmoil still present in Raven as he smartly fell silent after his failure to instigate conversation and returned to his quiet surveillance. Raven shook her head and focused on what Lexa was doing.

The Sheriff was crouched down examining the tire tracks in the mud out the front of the fishing store. She had been stepping carefully over the treads that obviously belonged to different cars but had stopped her general examination to focus in on a particular set that piqued her interest. Eventually she rose back to a standing position and moved closer to the store halting at various points to observe something or other.

Little yellow markers were positioned at various spots of importance or notability. Lexa would glance at whatever they were highlighting and only stop to scrutinise a few that she felt necessitated further inspection. An area in front of the docks and off to the side of the store held Lexa’s attention for the longest amount of time, and she paced back and forth around it, freezing at certain points to look around from her new position. Minutes ticked by slowly before Lexa abandoned her most recent search and strode purposefully towards the edge of the closed off scene and through a thicket.

“How good is she at this?” Raven inquired of her silent companion, gesturing pointlessly at where Lexa had vanished into the woods.

Nyko turned his head carefully to look at Raven, his brow furrowed in confusion as if he couldn’t quite understand why Raven was asking, “She’s the best.” Nyko responded without a hint of exaggeration.

* * *

Lexa examined the tire tracks in the mud, all were surface level and revealed the precision and control of the drivers as they pulled up into pre-determined parking spaces.

_All of them apart from one._

One set of tracks were deep, revealing heavy usage of the brakes to decelerate and haphazardly pull up. Lexa bent down to closely inspect the deep treads.

_Someone pulled up in a rush._

_The car was unexpected, pulled into a random spot without the confidence of the other drivers. Presumption would be they arrived later due to the speed and braking, also the tracks manoeuvre around the other tracks revealing that spaces were occupied when this car arrived._

Beside where the car tracks ended was a set of heavy footsteps and a circular hole.

_The driver was big. Heavy weight. Highlighted through the depth of the prints and size of the feet._

_Most likely male due to the tread of the boots._

_Circular hole? Appears consistently beside the steps._

_Hmm…_

_Ahh… a cane._

Lexa rose to her feet suppressing the flare of anger as her memory stirred and provided a name.

_Cleaver._

_Fuck… he came back._

_How does he link with all this? His arrival must have started the chaos._

Lexa followed the footsteps, coming to a spot where they vanished for a moment to be overlapped by another set of prints treading around Cleaver’s destination.

_A fight happened._

_No, not a fight… too one sided. Cleaver went down instantly. He didn’t even try to get up… didn’t fight back. Was there a gun?_

_That wouldn’t stop Cleaver if the person was as close as they seemed to be. What could keep Cleaver so docile?_

_Ontari._

Lexa eyed the second pair of footprints that didn’t belong to Cleaver warily. The trace of the psychopath made Lexa’s lip curl in disgust.

_Okay, so… Cleaver made a sudden reappearance and Ontari reacted violently (when doesn’t she?) at first…_

_Cleaver got to his feet slowly with assistance… he clearly redeemed himself. He didn’t move any further into the area… so he was the messenger. What did Ontari do after speaking to Cleaver?_

Lexa followed the footprints of her former gang leader, chancing quick glances at yellow markers in the nearby vicinity that highlighted random pieces of trash that were left behind. The first marker that had Lexa coming to a standstill was placed next to a shell of a bullet. Three more markers very close to the first one also revealed bullet shells.

_4 shells means 4 bullets fired, at least._

_Shells are alongside Ontari’s footprints._

_Can safely presume Ontari was the shooter._

_The direction of her steps show that she was most likely aiming underneath the canopy of the fishing store, towards the dock._

_Is it safe to assume she was firing at Anya?_

_Most likely, but need to find evidence to prove it._

Lexa strode forwards, heading under the canopy of the store. The footprints disappeared as she stepped onto the concrete patio that surrounded the shop, but Lexa could guess where Ontari had been heading and where Anya presumably had been.

The next marker that Lexa stopped by was placed next to a phone that was more or less destroyed if the broken screen was any indicator.

_Anya’s phone. Was it destroyed by someone or simply dropped?_

_Dropped. It doesn’t look stamped on._

_Anya most likely dropped it in a struggle… did someone try and grab her, forcing her to drop her phone in defence… or did she drop it in her haste to avoid Ontari’s bullets?_

_I would guess a struggle, Anya wouldn’t let go of her phone simply due to a firefight knowing it was one of the main ways the FBI would be trying to locate her._

Lexa sighed and rolled her shoulders as she continued around the canopy of the store keeping a close eye on where the concrete ended, trying to discern further footprints that would appear at the edge where the mud began again.

_Wait…_

Lexa backtracked a step and looked down at a single pair of prints in the mud, someone had moved from underneath the canopy for a single step. What made this pair so interesting is that the print wasn’t from a pair of boots but from-

_Heels._

_Nia._

Lexa continued past the heel print until she came to a set of tracks that were the same size as Anya’s and were heading straight into the woods, Ontari’s tracks following alongside.

_Headed to the woods. Probably to gain cover and to not allow Ontari a clear shot._

Lexa moved onwards and saw another set of tracks move to converge with Anya’s.

_Someone else also chased after her._

A thicket with broken twigs and displaced leaves revealed where Anya had broken through into the wilderness. Lexa swiftly stepped through as well, careful to ensure she didn’t disturb the thicket with her presence as she did so. Lexa continued her stalking, until she came upon a minor clearing a hundred metres or so away that was beside a rocky stream. Boulders and pebbles quickly replaced the mud, reducing Lexa’s ability to easily follow the identified tracks.

_Anya’s footsteps and her unknown chaser’s overlap before reaching the stream._

The old tufts of grass between the mud and rocks were flattened indicating a heavy weight had been pressed down upon them.

_A fight. Much less one sided than Cleaver’s._

Specks of blood dotted the area and minor shards of glass glinted beside a boulder on the edge of the stream.

_Glass… can’t be from the phone._

_A weapon, maybe…_

_Or… oh… Anya’s watch._

_This would explain how the watch lost signal. It was smashed into the rocks._

_How did it happen?_

_Think… think…_

_Anya’s attacker was on top of her, trying to restrain her… possibly… or strangle her… more likely. Anya grabbed one of the rocks nearby, hit her attacker’s head… would explain the specks of blood… her attacker went on the defensive, grabbed her wrist and smashed it to the ground to get her to drop the rock. That would smash the watch, resulting in the shards of glass. And then…_

Lexa frowned, now uncertain as to what happened next. A few feet away from Anya’s fight was another yellow marker which Lexa headed towards to gain some further insight.

_Another bullet shell._

_Ontari must have caught up at some point and fired another shot at Anya._

Lexa situated herself to face the direction of Ontari’s steps in the hope that they would reveal which way she shot and therefore where Anya had headed.

_Over the stream._

_Well done, Anya._

_That means she did manage to deal with the secondary attacker and crossed the stream to escape Ontari._

Lexa took a deep breath to ward off the chill she knew would come when she stepped into the water. There were no tracks on the other side of stream as this side was even rockier than the other side. The trees were also thicker and closer together, resulting in a thick undergrowth of leaves from the autumnal weather limiting the discernibility of which direction Anya went from here.

The lack of tracks pushed Lexa to rely on the yellow markers generated from people who had had the time to complete a far more systematic search already.

_Blood._

Ten feet or so away from the water was a red stain of blood on the grass that a bright yellow cone pointed to like a blaring arrow in a video game.

_Ontari’s bullet found its mark then..._

A small smattering of blood dotted further into the forest and Lexa followed it for as long as she could, before the trail steadily vanished.

_Anya got control of her bleeding, good girl._

_If I can’t follow her, hopefully that means the Azgeda gang struggled as well._

_Evidence suggests that Anya is hurt and hiding in the wilderness._

_So it’s a race… between us and the Azgeda gang to find Anya first… and the Azgeda have a fucking half day head start._

_Fuck that._

* * *

Raven straightened up and pushed away from the SUV she had been leaning on as Lexa reappeared from the woods and headed straight back towards her and Nyko. Raven and Nyko tensed as they saw the set jaw and hard eyes on the commander’s face.

“What did-” Nyko began the second Lexa was within earshot.

“She’s alive. Hiding in the woods.” Lexa answered with a clipped tone before Nyko could even get out the question.

Raven’s breath caught in her throat and she finally allowed hope to take root in her chest and grow, choosing to ignore the dark look on Lexa’s face just for the moment. Nyko, however, was not someone who could enjoy the comfort Lexa was providing; his brow instantly furrowed and his lips pursed beneath his thick beard.

“How can you be sure?” He demanded, needing the hard logic and evidence to accept what he was being told.

Lexa’s jaw twitched, and Raven guessed she wanted to move forward immediately and highly disliked the delay that explaining herself would result in. Raven, though, also wanted the reassurance that an explanation would give so she could barely suppress the expression of need from taking over and pressuring Lexa to relent without complaint.

“Nia was here. If they had caught Anya, Nia would have had her killed immediately. There’s no body so she’s not dead. Cleaver- he was an old member of Ontari’s fighting force-,” Lexa explained when she saw the blank look take up residence on Raven’s face, “arrived, he must have had information about Anya as his arrival had Ontari opening fire following it. Anya must have had her phone out from messaging Raven; someone grabbed Anya and whilst she was breaking free she dropped her phone. She then ran to the woods as Ontari and another person chased after her. The other person caught up to her at a clearing by the stream. Anya fended them off but her watch was smashed in the process. Ontari appeared after Anya had crossed the stream and shot her but it mustn’t have been a serious wound as Anya was able to get control of her bleeding and disappear into the woods. The Azgeda gang wouldn’t have been able to chase after her for long as they would need to clear the area with the incoming arrival of FBI agents.”

Raven blinked slowly and turned to look around the area they were stood in with a blank expression on her face.

_How the fuck did she figure out all that?_

Nyko had retrieved a notebook and pen from his jacket and was frantically scribbling notes as Lexa reported her findings.

Lexa took a deep breath, marking the end of her assessment by stepping forward, “So, now I need to know what areas the FBI have already checked. A marked up map would be most useful.”

Nyko opened his mouth as if to protest that he could provide such a resource to Lexa, but the hard expressions on both women’s faces had his jaw snapping shut and his head nodding to acquiesce, “It’ll take me some time.”

“Understood.” Lexa agreed but with a steely tone that hinted that unnecessary delays would not make her as agreeable. “Have you run into any Azgeda members whilst searching the woods?”

Nyko pursed his lips as he pondered the question, “Don’t think so. We were keeping an eye out for anyone who didn’t seem to have good reason for being there.”

Lexa’s eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared, “What do you mean good reason for being there?”

“Err… hunters, hikers… you know, tourists and the like…” Nyko answered slowly his shoulders starting to tense pre-emptively.

Lexa eyes burned with cold fire as she carefully said, “The tourism season ended weeks ago.” Nyko’s eyes widened, and Raven could barely suppress a gulp on his behalf. “The Azgeda gang have been searching the woods right in front of you, and more importantly they know exactly where you’ve been looking.”

“Fuck.” Nyko eloquently muttered as he instantly began to dig through his large pockets for his phone.

Raven watched the frantic actions of Anya’s partner with growing concern, the momentary reassurance of Anya being alive was slipping away when she felt a light grip on her elbow. Lexa was at Raven’s side and nodding her head towards the car; Raven, still slightly shell-shocked, went on auto-pilot and unlocked the car before handing the keys over to Lexa as she was led towards the mustang.

“I want that map, Nyko. Don’t forget.” Lexa ordered over her shoulder as she opened the passenger door for Raven before jogging round to slip into the driver’s seat at the same time as the mechanic.

Raven hastily shut the passenger door and clipped in her seatbelt as Lexa reversed out and away from the fishing store. Raven forced out a few breaths and allowed Lexa time to adjust and put some distance between themselves and the crime scene. “So… what’s the plan now?”

Lexa shot Raven an assessing look that had her straightening up in her seat and putting on a determined frown which had Lexa smirking and rolling her eyes at Raven’s obvious put on bravado. “Are you sure you’re up for more?” The smirk vanished from Lexa’s face as she asked her question earnestly and with such genuine care that it stopped Raven from simply brushing off Lexa’s obvious concern.

“I’m okay now. It was just the place… and my imagination went wild. It didn’t help that I didn’t have something to do whilst there… I need to keep busy. I need to do something.” Raven almost begged at the end, already regretting that she wasn’t in the driver’s seat. Driving up to Azgeda had kept Raven’s mind free from spiralling thoughts and now she was sat with no distractions in the passenger seat and nothing else to contribute.

“Okay. I won’t bench you.” Lexa reassured after inspecting the resolve in Raven’s eyes. “To be honest, you’re kind of fundamental to my plan.”

Raven tilted her head in curiosity as Lexa drove back into town but not towards their motel. “What plan is that?”

“Evening out the playing field.”


	23. Grand Theft Auto

“You want me to do what?!”

“Shhh…” Lexa shushed quickly with a flap of her hand as her head whipped round to make sure there was no one nearby.

The two girls were stood on the other side of the road to a squat, dilapidated bar, bizarrely named ‘Frosty’s’, which had the front windows bordered up in stark contrast to the ‘OPEN’ luminescent sign buzzing beside the creaky, wooden, front door. Adjacent to the bar was a large parking area three quarters filled with trucks and off-road vehicles, all of which were individually customised with tacky stickers and over-the-top decals.

“You want me to do what?” Raven repeated, now whispering harshly.

Lexa completed a final glance around before facing Raven again and speaking in a low voice. “Sabotage all the vehicles in the parking lot.”

“Ahh,” Raven nodded with pursed lips, “So I did hear you correctly… Well, at least I’m not going deaf. You, on the other hand, are going crazy.”

Lexa fixed Raven with a cool, unimpressed stare that had Raven fidgeting uncomfortably on the spot. “Listen, this bar is the unofficial headquarters of the Azgeda foot soldiers. They are the ones searching the woods for Anya, if we take out their transport, their job just got ten times harder which helps us and Anya.” Lexa clasped Raven’s shoulder, which Raven had come to realise was the commander’s way of providing reassurance and comfort, it was the main way Lexa bled through her persona. “And right now, its happy hour meaning a large number are here and they will be occupied for the next hour or so.” Raven jerked her head up and down in understanding. “Can you do it?” Lexa asked with an open gaze that scrutinised Raven closely.

“It, being sabotage the cars?” Raven checked with a gulp.

“Yes.” Lexa answered plainly.

Raven breathed out slowly, as her nerves steadied, and her signature cocky grin slid into place. “Hell yeah, I can do it.”

A minor uptick at the corner of Lexa’s mouth revealed her amusement. “Alright, you have forty-five minutes to cause as much damage as you can. If anyone asks or approaches you, just make up a simple story about visiting family in town and say you’re a car buff who couldn’t help but fawn over the trucks. You don’t even remotely look like an agent so they’ll likely believe you.” Raven pouted petulantly at the remark, Lexa merely looked Raven up and down slowly with a look that said, ‘do you really want to argue this point as you will lose’. Raven grumbled under her breath but didn’t actually deny the statement. “I’ll be nearby and keeping an eye on you, so don’t panic.” Lexa released Raven’s shoulder and straightened out her leather jacket prior to fixing a stare at the bar door.

“Wait! What are you going to do?” Raven asked.

Lexa shot a smirk back over her shoulder as she began to stride towards the bar. “What I do best.”

“And what’s that?”

“Piss people off.”

* * *

The door to the bar slammed open revealing a striking figure standing tall in the doorway. The raucous yelling and boisterous laughter instantly cut out as all the patrons turned to take in the newest arrival. Lexa smirked as she walked confidently inside, not slowing to even glance at any of the drinkers, she sidled up to the bar and slipped onto the bar stool with ease. The bartender who she had sat in front of at the counter gaped at her, his beady eyes wide with terror.

Lexa reached into the pocket of her leather jacket, extracting a couple of bills that she held out for the barman. “I’m sure you remember my order even after all these years, don’t you, Peter?”

The barman’s mouth moved up and down, but no words came out, his eyes darted around the eerily silent room, obviously hoping that someone would step up and tell him what to do.

Lexa huffed and rolled her eyes as she reached forward and stuffed the bills into the front pocket of Peter’s stained plaid shirt. “As soon as you can, Peter, I don’t think I’m going to have long to drink in here.” Peter’s jaw snapped shut and he began to quickly move around behind the counter. A shot glass and a beer appeared swiftly in front of Lexa. “Thank you.” Lexa said with a twisted smile, lifting the shot glass in a cheers motion before slamming it back and dropping it onto the counter.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, girl…” Peter muttered quietly, a flash of concern flickering in his eyes. He’d always had a soft spot for Ontari’s previous second in command, she had been decent to him and had always paid her tab unlike many of the other Azgeda members.

Lexa nodded curtly at his concern disguising it with a sip of her beer so as not to oust Peter’s minor infraction to the prying eyes. Peter’s gaze moved to something just past Lexa’s shoulder as a signal of incoming danger. The bartender swiftly moved away, wiping the countertop as he did so to appear occupied.   

Lexa took another sip of her drink then proceeded to swivel her bar stool round to face whoever was stalking towards her.

“Cleaver. Long-time no see.”

Lexa knew people in the world hated her, despised her even, but none of them had worn a look of hatred that so fully encapsulated their feeling of loathing as well as Cleaver did in that moment. His eyes were burning and bugging out of the sockets, his thick neck muscles were tight and protruding, his entire face was bright red and his teeth were clamped tightly together. He was dressed in a tight black shirt that six years ago would have shown off a highly muscular body but now merely emphasised a growing beer gut. In his right hand was a polished wooden cane that he leaned heavily on, Lexa eyed it warily seeing it for the weapon it truly was in Cleaver’s fisted palm.

“Rachel Franklin.” Cleaver spat out as two wiry gang members flanked the larger man.

_So Cleaver has finally earned back his spot in Ontari’s graces._

“Ahh, so Ontari hasn’t told you everything yet, has she?” Lexa teased with an arched eyebrow causing Cleaver’s nostrils to flare like a bull preparing to charge. “My name’s not Rachel.” Lexa swigged another mouthful from her beer, holding the bottle delicately between forefinger and thumb. “I would tell you my real name but I feel like your limited brain wouldn’t have the capacity to remember it.”

It took a full second for Cleaver to realise he had been insulted, and mostly he only worked it out because of the satisfied smirk on Lexa’s face and the eye rolls from his two groupies after he failed to respond immediately.

That delay gave Lexa all the time she needed.

Cleaver’s frown deepened, his eyes burned brighter and then his right arm was swinging at full strength for Lexa’s head.

The height of the bar stool meant that when Lexa slipped off it and ducked slightly Cleaver’s bear-like fist breezed over the top of her head. Cleaver staggered forward, banging into the bar counter causing him to come to a juddering halt as his cane and bad leg became entangled with the now vacant bar stool.

Thug 1 on Cleaver’s right began to pull back a half-formed fist as the girl appeared in front of him, Lexa, however, didn’t give him the chance to fully react to her apparition. As she straightened up from ducking, she kicked out with her left leg which landed in the centre of his chest and knocked the man on his ass, his elbow whacking harshly against the wooden floor pulling forth a yowl of pain.

Thug 2 turned on the spot and lunged for Lexa, clumsily stepping around the hunched over body of Cleaver. Lexa easily sidestepped his grab, leaving his hands to claw at empty air. Lexa’s pinched finger grip on her beer bottle shifted as she wrapped a fist around the neck of the bottle and swung it into the back of Thug 2’s head.

Thug 2 dropped to the ground instantaneously.

Lexa threw the remaining shards of glass that were once her beer bottle to the side and re-assessed her situation.

Cleaver had nearly completed his slow one-eighty as he extricated himself from the bar stool. Thug 1 was using his good arm to pull himself up using a nearby table.

_Alright, one down, two to go…_

_Wait…_

Two tall, thickset redheads that were spitting images of each other were hurrying over from across the room and Lexa highly doubted from the look they were both giving her that they were about to spring to her defence.

_Okay, one down… four to go._

Cleaver’s large fist appeared in Lexa’s peripheral vision. She allowed herself a moment of pure enjoyment as she ducked under his swing yet again and struck out with two quick, punishing jabs to a singular spot on Cleaver’s ribs. A satisfying crack resounded around the bar.

_God, I missed this._

* * *

Raven moved from the fourth truck to the fifth one in the parking lot. Sabotaging cars, Raven found, was far easier than repairing them, much to her delight for the current situation and chagrin for her business. She made sure that each vehicle was damaged in a different way to reduce the likelihood that all of the cars could get repaired in a batch-like process at speed. Raven took the sparkplugs from one. Stuffed the exhaust of another. Cut the wires to prevent start up in the newest truck and so on and so forth.

Lexa had been gone for nearly half-an-hour by the time Raven reached the penultimate vehicle. There was a resounding crash and the sound of something shattering from inside the bar that caused Raven to jerk up out of her crouched position… _what the hell is Lexa doing in there?_

“What the hell are you doing?” A rough voice barked from somewhere to Raven’s left.

Raven whirled around whilst simultaneously attempting to use the side of her foot to slide her toolbox that was on the ground beneath the nearest red truck and out of sight of whoever had discovered her. A heavily tattooed, teenager with an in built sulky expression on his face peered at her through a long fringe of hair. Raven noticed that one particular tattoo on his neck was the Azgeda gang symbol.

_Fuck._

“Err…”, Raven floundered as the teenager’s sulk turned even more suspicious.

_You are an incredibly hot woman, he is a hopeless, easily influenced teenager… this is easy, pull yourself together and flirt, woman! Flirt like your life depends on it…. Which as I think about it… it kind of does…_

“I was just admiring this truck. I’ve always loved big cars with big engines… You don’t get powerful cars like this where I’m from…”, Raven coyly winked at him as she ran her hand over the hood of the truck in a teasing manner and tried not to cringe at her own words.

The teenager’s sulk vanished to be replaced with an agape jaw and eyes that shone as if it was Christmas come early. _Oh, kid… how desperate are you…?_ “Y-yeah?” The teenager leaned against the truck with exaggerated nonchalance; an action that Raven had to prevent herself from rolling her eyes at.

“Mmmhmm.” Raven hummed as she took a step back, making it look as if she was tracing the lines of the car body with her forefinger, and steadily began to circle the truck.

“So… uh… where are you from?” The teenager stuttered as he fell from out of his lean to follow Raven’s trail.

 _Damn,_ Raven muttered under her breath, she had been hoping to put some space between herself and the teenager, but she hadn’t expected how eager to please he would be from his original sulky persona.

_And, shit where am I from?_

_Visiting family in town… but from where…?_

“Uh… West Philadelphia, born and… um… well, I grew up there.” Raven replied, her flirty coolness vanishing to be replaced by her normal rapid fire vernacular. The teenager blinked in surprise but brushed aside his confusion at Raven’s attitude change when she shot him a dazzling smile and flicked her hair over her shoulder, following it with a stereotypical girl giggle.

“What brings you to Azgeda from so far away?” The boy asked with wide eyes that were totally focussed on Raven’s lips.

_Geez, kid…_

“Er… well…,” Raven hesitated, _in for a penny, in for a pound._ “See, I was, uh, chilling out… um… relaxing at this playground where I spent most of my d- time.” Raven had nearly completed a full circuit of the truck when she became aware that the raucous noise coming from ‘Frosty’s’ had finally died down. Raven began to tense up even further now as she fully expected either a flood of gang members or Lexa to come hightailing it out of the bar any second. “And along came these two guys who were up to no good, making trouble in my neigh- uh… street area.” Raven winced as the teenager became dazed as if her words were reminiscent in some way but he was unsure as to how. Raven steadily continued walking backwards around the truck when her foot hit something hard and metallic.

Clang!

She quickly glanced down to see her toolbox sticking out from beneath the truck ever so slightly.

_Shit._

Raven’s gaze snapped back up and she came to a stop, trying to fully block the view of the toolbox behind her legs. The teenager noticed her abrupt halt and he twitched slightly at the distinct clang her foot made when it hit the metal container. In response to the sound his eyes began to travel downwards over her body to see what had caused it.

“AND THEN,” Raven yelled her words returning to rapid-fire as she snatched back the young man’s attention; he, in turn, flinched away from her sudden volume increase, “I got in a small… err… fight and my mom got… sc- WORRIED, and told me I’m moving to live with my auntie and uncle in Bel… AZGEDA!”

The teenager’s expression was mildly disturbed and he took a faltering step back from Raven, finally put off by her more crazed behaviour. “Well, that sounds… um… cool… but I-, uh, need to get back to-”

Raven was nearly scot free as the young punk boy slowly made to run away… so obviously that was when everything went wrong.

He glanced down. Most likely he did this simply to check that she wasn’t wearing shoes that would make it easy for Raven to chase after him. His jaw snapped shut, his brow creased with growing anger and suspicion as he saw the toolbox peeking out below the truck and behind Raven’s legs. His hands that had been up and open in a placating manner carefully fell to his sides and curled into tight fists.

_Double shit._

He took a step forward. Raven knew she was in trouble, he may have been younger than her but he had a looming height and broad shoulders that were easily physically intimidating. “What the fuck is-“

CRACK!

The young gang member crumpled into a heap on the floor. Behind where he once stood was Lexa, her shirt and jeans smeared with smatterings of blood, a trail of crimson running from her nose, her knuckles swollen and riddled with tiny scratches, a red scratch running from the bottom of her jaw up towards her ear, and in her right hand was a broken beer bottle. Despite the sheriff’s troubling appearance, she was the one staring at Raven as if she had grown two heads.

“What!?” Raven squawked once her heart rate had returned to normal, and the roaring sound in her ears had dispersed.

Lexa arched an eyebrow in such an accusing manner, Raven felt the need to plead guilty before she even knew her crimes, “Were you seriously using ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ as a cover story?”

Raven spluttered and snorted dismissively as she began her futile attempt at denials, “What?! No, of course not!” The sheriff’s eyebrow rose even further. “Maybe? I mean a little… I may have taken some inspiration from it…” Lexa lightly tossed the remains of the bottle the side and crossed her arms as she stared Raven down. “Okay? YES! I used the ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ as a cover story.”

_Oh Aden, you are not going to get away with anything with Lexa as your Mom._

Lexa rolled her eyes, her stern expression cracking to reveal a small smirk as she stepped over the unconscious boy on the floor. “I told you no one would mistake you for an agent.” Raven grumbled at the repeated insult as she bent down to retrieve her toolbox. “Hey,” Lexa murmured with a light yet serious tone as Raven straightened up, “Are you okay? You’re not hurt or incredibly traumatised?”  

Raven grinned brightly.

_I get it, Clarke. I get it._

Raven fully understood in that moment what Clarke loved so much about this girl in front of her. Here Lexa was blood-stained, probably injured, having calmly strolled away from a fight as if she had just come from getting a coffee and she was being so soft, genuine and simply kind to the mechanic who could barely handle a scraggly teenager.

Lexa tilted her head slightly in surprise at Raven’s broad smile. “Yeah, I’m fine, not hurt or traumatised, I promise.” Lexa nodded her acceptance of Raven’s reassurance.

“Did you sabotage all of them?”

Raven’s smile dimmed as she shook her head, “Two left.” Raven admitted, kicking the back wheel of the red truck to indicate it. “It will take me max ten minutes to do it.” Raven’s hand flew to open her toolbox but Lexa’s hand darted out to stop her.

“We don’t have time.” Lexa said gently.

“But-”

“Raven, you did amazing. I didn’t get you the time I promised you. It’s me who failed, not you. And anyway, taking out the majority of the cars here will slow them down no matter what, which was the main aim in the first place.” Lexa wrapped a hand around Raven’s elbow and started to lead her back to the mustang across the road before Raven even had a chance to push back against Lexa’s comment about being at fault.

“So… what next?” Raven asked as she slid into the driver’s seat.

* * *

Lexa and Raven returned to the motel, where Lexa, after washing herself up and cleaning out her bar fight injuries, insisted that Raven shower, rest and wait for Nyko to appear with the map whilst she went out to run an errand.

“An errand? Really? That’s what you're going to call whatever you’re about to run off and do?”

“Yes.” Lexa replied easily as she dug through her bag of clothing for dark, warm clothes and the spare magazine for her gun.

“Whatever it is, let me come with you.” Raven pleaded from her own twin bed.

“Not this time, Raven. I need you to wait here for Nyko. We need that map if we want to stand any chance of finding Anya.” Lexa finished selecting her change of clothes, laying them out on her own bed in a neat pile before beginning to strip off her leather jacket. “Also, what I’m about to do is incredibly stupid and dangerous.” Lexa stated as she pulled her shirt over her head, revealing an upper body littered with scars. Raven’s jaw dropped slightly and a small chasm opened up in the pit of her stomach as she glimpsed the jagged and raw damage tattooing Lexa’s skin.

_This is the girl from all of Clarke’s stories._

_The girl who was always described as a shy, polite, sweet girl with a heart of gold._

_The girl whose pictures Abby treasured and looked at every Christmas without fail._

_The girl who Anya admitted to being the most inspiring person she knows._

_The girl who a small blonde boy saw as a superhero._

_The girl who could draw a smile from John fucking Murphy! (That’s a fucking miracle in and of itself.)_

_How dare someone hurt the love of my best friend’s life!!_

_How dare someone hurt MY FRIEND!_

Lexa slipped on a dark vest and then a black Henley which hid away all the scars. Raven wanted to ask about the scars, wanted to pull Lexa into a hug and tell her she didn’t deserve whatever had happened to her. Raven bit her tongue, knowing that Lexa would hate any form of pity or sympathy and would hate talking about her past even more.

Raven swallowed back the words she wanted to say and instead said, “If it’s stupid and dangerous, can I suggest it may not be the best plan going forward?”

Lexa snorted as she clipped her gun back into place on her hip prior to pulling on her black zip up hoodie. “The best plans are always stupid and dangerous.”

“That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Tell that to Clarke. That was one of her favourite sayings growing up.” Lexa’s entire face lit up for a second at the memory.

“Ugh… you’re just as sappy as Clarke. It’s _so_ gross.” Raven groaned. “I never did get why you went along with Clarke’s crazy ideas when you were a kid. Everyone always said you were the sensible and responsible one so I don’t get why you always got sucked into Clarke’s schemes.”

Lexa arched an eyebrow as she finished readying herself. “I was in love with her, that’s why.”

“Well… yeah, that makes sense.” Raven sunk further down the crappy motel mattress as Lexa rounded her own bed to face the mechanic.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?” Lexa assured.

Raven stared at the determined expression on Lexa’s face, “It’s not you I’m worried about. If you come back with even one more scar, I think Clarke may hunt me down and string me up as Aden does some sort of ritualistic dance around the whole thing.” It was a light teasing joke but it was Raven’s way of subtly saying that she had seen the scars, that she didn’t want Lexa to get hurt, and that Clarke and Aden wanted it even less. Lexa’s eyes flashed with understanding before shifting back to unamused.

“Why do I get the impression you’ve thought about this a lot?” Lexa asked with a furrowed brow.

“Ehh… I have an overactive imagination and had to think about something whilst I was sabotaging the cars. It wasn’t as mentally stimulating as I thought it would be.” Raven responded earnestly.

“Right…” Lexa muttered. “Stay here. Don’t open the door for anyone other than Nyko.”

“Wait!” Raven called out as Lexa retreated to their motel room door. “Aren’t you going to leave me a weapon if anything happens?”

Lexa stopped on the spot for a second before moving to the mini fridge tucked under the desk in the corner. She retrieved two glass bottles and placed them on the top so they were in Raven’s line of sight. “There you go.” Lexa stated coolly as she made to leave again.

“Bottles?! That’s it?!” Raven yelled out in astonishment.

“They’re surprisingly effective.” Lexa called back over her shoulder as she closed the room’s door behind her.

Raven eyed the bottles warily before exhaling out a deep breath and going for a shower.

* * *

Lexa pulled her hood up higher and watched the red door of the house across the road closely through the bushes across the street. The house was an overbuilt red brick monstrosity that had obviously gone through multiple extensions, all of which were just off from the original build creating a subtly off-putting structure. Simply put it was an ugly building in its pretentiousness.

Out the front of the house, on an overextended drive removing any possibility of a front lawn, was a brand new, top of the range black 4x4 with the sophisticated number plate: B1T CHN.

_Somethings never change._

Lexa watched the windows of the house closely, two new extensions had materialised since the last time Lexa had been here. From a quick examination, the main differences to the floor plan appeared to be an extended lounge and a new bedroom upstairs. The living room light was on and a figure was pacing up and down in the room casting a long moving shadow over the drive.

Lexa crouched, completely still, in her watchful nest waiting for confirmation on who was actually inside the house before making her move. After ten minutes the pacing figure changed route to pass by the window.

_Ontari. Grown out your hair, I see._

Ontari’s long black hair was up in a tight ponytail but clumps were falling free from where the psychopath had been running her hands through it in frustration. She was dressed in black hiking trousers, a grey shirt and thick grey fleece, revealing that she had probably only been home for a short time and the flecks of mud here and there made it clear she had been trekking through the woods. Her face was twisted into one of her classic snarls and even without being able to hear her, Lexa knew she was yelling at someone on the phone held to her ear.

_So, I’m guessing you’ve heard about my visit to the bar if your current state is any indication._

_Good, I want you angry, it means you’re more likely to fuck up._

Ontari’s constant movement meant she was out of sight almost immediately after providing Lexa with a glimpse of her. Lexa continued to observe the house, waiting for any sign that someone else was in the house with Ontari. After another ten minutes, Lexa felt comfortable that Ontari was on her own. With the youngest Queen distracted by the havoc Lexa and Raven had wreaked earlier, it was time to make her play.

Lexa was going to steal the bitch’s car.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

_That whore. Twirling in the fucking street after her inappropriate actions… bringing out undesirable tendencies within Rachel._

Ontari gulped down her whiskey relishing the burning heat that it brought to bear on her throat. The bartender moved to refill her glass but Ontari grabbed the bottle out of the man’s hand and began swigging directly from it. The bartender put up no resistance to Ontari’s actions and quickly made himself scarce, obviously very aware of the youngest Queen’s reputation.

_How could Rachel fall for that bitch’s manipulations?_

_That fucking secretary was dull… plain… weak… pathetic… what does Rachel even see in her?_

“My dear daughter, whatever is the matter?” The words were soft and inviting, and the light, brushing touch on her shoulder was extremely comforting. Ontari’s entire being shuddered unconsciously as the tone and approach put her at ease but were in direct contrast to what her subconscious knew was her mother’s usual demeanour.

Ontari slowly placed the bottle down on the counter and turned slightly to see her mother take the bar seat next her. The cool grey eyes of her mother lacked the warmth her expression was trying to convey but Ontari didn’t see this.

She didn’t see the calculations going on behind her mother’s eyes.

She didn’t see the micro flash of disgust that consumed her mother’s features as she patted her daughter’s arm reassuringly.

All Ontari saw was the care she always wished for her mother to show her. “Th- that… stupid secretary… she- she’s ruining ev- everything!” Ontari’s tongue felt thick in her mouth, and the words struggled to free themselves from her throat. She didn’t know what she could and couldn’t say. Revealing Rachel’s relationship with the secretary may cause Nia to send her away…

_That can’t happen._

_I can’t lose Rachel._

The indecision clawing at Ontari’s mind meant that she missed the uptick of a cruel smile on her mother’s face. “My dear daughter. Tell me what has that awful girl done?” Nia reached out and cupped Ontari’s chin, forcibly turning her head so that the older woman could look directly at her daughter’s face.

Ontari swallowed, as she tried to prevent the tears stinging at her eyes from falling. Her mother was looking at her with support, love and affection… _maybe… maybe, she’ll understand… maybe… it will be alright…_

“I saw her and Rachel… they were…” Ontari wanted desperately to say the words, to tell her mother… but years of being told not to… years of forcing disgust at the very idea…

“Michelle and Rachel were…?” Nia prompted kindly, her eyes glittering at the possibilities of how that sentence ended.

“Mother… they were… _together_.”

“Together?” Nia repeated her usual cold edge reappearing in that moment.

Ontari bit her lip so hard, the thin layer of skin ripped open, bloodying her teeth. She grabbed viciously for her whiskey bottle determined to consume the alcohol until it sterilised the feelings and thoughts inside her. Nia’s bony hand shot out instantly pinning Ontari’s wrist to the counter, preventing her fingers from wrapping around the glass container.

“Together _how?”_ Nia questioned with a harsh whisper as she suddenly invaded her daughter’s personal space.

Ontari jerked back from her mother, and spat out, “L-li-like a man and a woman should be.”

Nia’s eyes went wide and her mouth parted ever so slightly; Ontari seized upon her mother’s surprise to yank her wrist out of the older woman’s ironclad grip.  

“That’s impossible… her and Ro-,” Nia was muttering to herself but cut off once she felt Ontari rip free from her grasp. The shocked expression on the matriarch’s face vanished to be replaced by fiery eyes and a cold, fake, pitying smile. “My daughter that is truly awful.” Nia raised her hands in a placating manner as Ontari eyed her warily. “I want to be honest with you… I know I haven’t been the best mother… I haven’t supported you like I should have done.” Nia spoke softly enticing Ontari to relax. “I was… I know this will be hard for you to believe…”, Nia offered up her hand, palm upwards for Ontari to take. The dark haired girl licked the blood staining her bottom lip away before tentatively accepting her mother’s hand, who squeezed it in return gently. “I was, actually… starting to come round to the idea..”

“The idea of…?” Ontari asked wide-eyed, unable to rein in the hope and pain consuming her in equal measure.

“Rachel seemed like she would have been… a worthy addition to the family.” Nia revealed softly as her free hand moved and caressed her daughter's cheek in the mocking equivalent of a sympathetic gesture.

Ontari’s breath caught in her throat and a tear rolled down her cheek at the shadow of acceptance her mother was offering to her. It was a dream come true… a dream that was instantly snatched away.

“It’s such a shame that Michelle appears to have claimed her first. Rachel is probably the only… woman… I was even willing to entertain the idea of… such a shame…”, Nia tutted under her breath as her thumb brushed away the errant tear from Ontari’s cheek.

Every muscle in Ontari’s body snapped to attention, a coil at full tightness ready to spring.

Nia’s soft touch turned firm as she cupped her daughter’s cheek and forced eye contact. “Such a shame… but, understandable… I mean Michelle is beautiful… educated… charming…,” The tears stopped coming as Ontari’s eyes began to blaze with every clipped word falling from her mother’s lips, “Who wouldn’t want her?”

The ‘over you’ went unspoken yet Ontari heard it anyway. The violent storm began to rumble inside her, a vicious crescendo evolving on the horizon.

Nia released her daughter and turned to face the bartender to hide the victorious smile consuming her features and order another glass of champagne. By the time the drink was set in front of Nia, Ontari had already slipped away into the shadows.

_Hell hath no fury._

* * *

**Present Day**

 

Raven believed sleep wouldn’t come to her, but she was going to force herself to close her eyes and rest as much as possible whilst she could. Surprisingly, though, as soon as the mechanic’s head hit the pillow she was out like a light, the entire day had been a near constant adrenaline rush and her body swiftly shifted into sleep when given the opportunity.

Her dreams weren’t pleasant, they were near constant re-imaginings of Anya’s experiences by the fishing store incorporating what Lexa had told her. The details shifted between each viewing but they all ended the same: Anya getting shot and heading into the woods where she waited, and waited, for someone to find her as she gradually bled out, in every case Raven was always minutes or mere seconds too late.

Nyko’s knock at the door was a welcome escape. He handed over the map with little fuss, unable to stay for too long as his absence would be noted, he told Raven to pass along the message that the Director was arriving tomorrow. The way he said it gave Raven the distinct impression that Lexa would not be pleased to receive this information.

_Great, he is leaving me to be the messenger._

_And what always happens to the messenger…?_

_Uh, maybe Lexa used up all her bullets on her stupid and dangerous mission. One can only hope._

The map that Nyko handed over was a meticulously detailed map of the town, the two mountains on both sides of Azdeda and a large portion of the coast as well. Nyko had hatched out with a blue marker the locations that the bureau had already covered in their search and dotted with a green marker wherever they had come across a ‘hunter’ or ‘tourist’ which they now suspected to be an Azgeda gang member. Raven sat in bed and studied the map closely as she waited for Lexa’s return.

A large area surrounding Anya’s last confirmed location had been marked off as searched as well as the length of the hiking trail leading back to town that was nearby to where Anya had been. Other areas that had been searched were places close to the fishing store that anyone with survival skills would head to for water, shelter or the advantage of higher ground. It was these latter sites that had the most marks of Azgeda interest.

Raven jotted down any ideas she had on a pad of paper that came in the bedside table’s drawer, more for something to do than anything else. With the intent to offer something of use Raven focused on the paved roads, dirt tracks and paths with the intent to assess how accessible by car various places would be. The mustang was a beautiful car but considering how it struggled on the fairly well-worn dirt road to the fish store it would stand no chance of going off road or even traversing the less used roads through the wilderness.

Raven jolted up in the bed, her hand scrambling to grab the glass bottle she had placed on the table next to her as the motel room door swung open and a dark-clad figure stepped inside. “Easy, Raven, it’s just me.” Lexa reassured with a soft tone as she pushed her black hood down.

Raven sighed as she set the bottle back in its place; relief washed over her at the sight of Lexa appearing uninjured in front of her. “Did you have to enter the room dressed like a serial killer?” Raven asked as she pushed herself up off the bed and onto her feet.

Lexa pursed her lips at the question, “I like to keep you on your toes.”

_I can’t tell if she’s joking or not…_

Brushing aside Lexa’s statement, Raven picked up the map as well as her notes and crossed the room to hand it over to Lexa, “Nyko dropped it off not too long ago.” Lexa took the proffered document, giving a nod in thanks as she gestured for Raven to put on her shoes and jacket that were in a ( _neat_ ) pile on the floor. “He wanted me to tell you that the ‘Director’ is arriving tomorrow.” Raven added as she eased on her shoes pausing to do airquotes around the word director; her actions causing her to completely miss how Lexa’s entire body tensed and her knuckles turned white at the additional information. “I got the impression from Nyko that that’s bad news?” Raven murmured unable to prevent the curious tone leaking into her words; she glanced up once she had finished tying up her boots’ laces, by this point the commander mask had slipped fully into place and revealed nothing to the mechanic.

“It’s not good news.” Lexa stated neutrally.

_Ah, so forthcoming…_

“So, are you going to tell me what your ‘errand’ was?” Raven said trying a different tact as Lexa continued to examine the map closely, and Raven’s notes (much to the mechanic’s secret pride).

“I stole Ontari’s car.” Lexa replied, her studious expression not changing for even a second.

Raven snorted, “Sure… Seriously, though, what were you actually doing?”

Lexa glanced up for a second and arched an eyebrow in that serious manner that Clarke had told Raven she found unbelievably attractive ( _information which now completely undercut the intimidating effect of the eyebrow raise, not that I would ever tell her that after seeing her knock someone out with a bottle_ ). “I stole Ontari’s car… seriously.” Lexa added the last word when Raven continued to stare at her with a look of disbelief.

“You’re shitting me.”

* * *

“You weren’t shitting me.” Raven breathed out as she took in the black 4x4 parked round the back of the motel.

Lexa ignored the comment as she pressed a button on the keys causing the headlights to flash and for an audible bleep to echo around the half-filled parking lot. “C’mon.” Lexa slid into the driver’s seat as Raven took the passenger’s seat.

“So… why did you commit grand theft auto? Other than to piss off Ontari… although from what I’ve heard about her that is a good enough reason, but you know… is there a more logical, explainable reason…” Raven rambled as Lexa turned the car on and immediately started to fiddle with the central console which Raven finally focused in on.

Ontari’s vehicle had every upgrade available on the market.

_Personalised number plate? Check._

_State of the art SATNAV? Check._

_Fully adjustable and heated seats? Check._

_Advanced music system with double bass speakers throughout the interior? Check._

“Did you know a brand new car like this comes with a GPS tracker and in-built memory?” Lexa asked thoughtfully as she tapped the touch screen interface bringing up a digitalised map.

Raven gasped as a broad smile overtook her features, “We can see everywhere she’s been since Anya went missing! We can mark off everywhere the Azgeda have already searched that the FBI don’t know about.”

Lexa smirked smugly ( _and well deservedly_ ) as she handed Raven the hardcopy map and pen, “You’re scribe.”

Raven and Lexa spent the next half-an-hour marking off everywhere that Ontari’s 4x4 had been in the past twelve hours. Since Ontari would be easily recognised, it was clear that she had been searching areas that the bureau were less likely to so as to avoid a run in. Once they were done, Lexa took a photo of the completed map and sent it to Nyko as a gesture of good faith though Raven noted that she ignored the returning message asking how she had got the information in the first place.

“What now?” Raven asked.

“Now, I hide the car so Ontari doesn’t find it, and by extension us, here. Then we pick out the locations we are going to investigate at first light tomorrow.” Lexa answered as she gestured for Raven to get out the car and head back to the room.

“Wait! We should keep the car.” Raven protested as Lexa rolled her eyes at the comment. The Sheriff made to open her mouth and layout why that would be a bad decision, but Raven quickly intercut her, “I know the Azgeda will be looking for it, and it will lead them to us. I get that, but what you’re not thinking about is that the mustang can not handle off-road, and we will need transport that can if we want to stand a chance of finding Anya.” Lexa bristled protectively at the insult to her well-loved car, but bit her lip and nodded resignedly.

“Alright, good point.” Lexa relented as her fingers tapped out some unknown rhythm on the steering wheel. “I’ll hide the car and we will pick it up tomorrow to use in our search, okay? We’ll use it but we can’t keep it too close to the motel.”

Raven quickly agreed and went without a fuss when Lexa told her to go back to the room whilst she stashed the car somewhere out of sight; Lexa returned just as it turned one in the morning.

“So, where should we look?” Raven questioned after she had watched Lexa stare intently at the map as if it had personally offended here for the last ten minutes. Lexa ignored the question, refusing to blink first in her staring contest with the paper. “Places with water and shelter, right?”

That query caused Lexa to snort and shake her head. “No.”

“No?” Raven repeated with raised eyebrows. “That’s the logical place she would be.”

“Exactly.”

Raven bit her lip in thought, “Wait… you think Anya’s avoiding those places so the Azgeda won’t find her?”

Lexa sighed and rolled her shoulders, flicking a tired smile over at Raven. “Do you know why Anya sent that message?”

Raven’s brow furrowed at the change of topic but after their talk in the car she trusted that there would be a reason for the tangent. “Err… she hoped you would see it and come after her?” Raven hazarded a guess.

Lexa nodded in agreement as she held out her hand for the marker pen that Raven had been twirling round her fingers. “Yes, that’s one of the reasons. The other is that no one knows the Queen family as well as I do.” Lexa took the offered pen and began slowly circling what appeared to be random locations. “I know what calculated risks Nia would take, I know Roan’s pressure points and why he stays loyal to his mother and I know exactly what Ontari would do if she found Anya.” The marker’s movement stuttering for a second was the only indication of the dark thoughts behind Lexa’s words.

Raven’s eyes widened as the understanding dawned on her, “She didn’t message you because you’re her best friend, she messaged you because she knew you could find her if she got taken by the Queens… if she was-”

“Yeah.” Lexa kindly cut in so Raven didn’t have to finish her thought. “Saying that though…She didn’t get taken and I don’t think Anya expected that. The Azgeda have the advantage that they know the area better than us. However, we’re still going to find her first.” Lexa promised fervently.

“And why’s that?” Raven said after exhaling slowly.

Lexa smirked as she marked off another area on the map. “Because no one knows Anya better than me, and I know for a fact that Anya knows absolutely nothing about survival in the wilderness.”

“Wait… what?”

* * *

Dawn.

_Better known as too fucking early in the morning._

After preparing a plan for the next day, Raven had wanted to head straight out and begin the search having reached her breaking point with regards to not actively looking for Anya. Lexa though insisted since there was only a few hours of darkness left that they rest as exhaustion would simply increase the chances of them missing an important detail in their search. With only a small amount of grumbling, Raven forced herself to get some shut eye.

Raven could’ve sworn she had only blinked before Lexa was shaking her gently awake and throwing a pile of warm clothes at her with the brusque order of ‘get dressed’. Whilst Raven fumbled to put on a large number of layers, Lexa ran out and bought them some food from a nearby grocers that was luckily open at this ridiculous hour of the morning. Once she was back, Lexa ( _clearly suffering child withdrawal symptoms_ ) fussed over Raven like a mother hen pushing food on the mechanic and wrapping a scarf securely around her neck during the walk to the 4x4 stashed a couple of miles away.

Raven was driving again as Lexa acted as navigator.

The first place they investigated was miles past the fishing store and deep within the wilderness, Lexa had reasoned that Anya would focus on putting as much distance between herself and the Azgeda first and foremost before even attempting to double back on herself and head back to town. Lexa doubted Anya would still be anywhere in this area but her actual intent was to pick up any trail that Anya may have left during her escape yesterday morning.

They spent at least three hours trawling slowly through the area, Raven had been told to look for blood stains or any form of clothing that would indicate Anya had stopped to properly tend to her injury. Lexa was clearly looking for less-easily identifiable signs likes tracks in the mud and broken branches so Raven appreciated being given something clear to look out for and still be of use.

They were near calling it and moving onto another place to search when Raven found a bloodied scrap of material. Raven’s yell brought Lexa speeding over to investigate and she quickly assessed the piece of cloth and said it would be relatively safe to assume from what they had been told Anya was wearing that this was hers. Reinvigorated in their endeavour, Lexa discovered a tree nearby that was spotted with blood. Lexa reasoned to Raven that Anya must have stopped under this tree to attend to her injury hence why she had ripped her clothing to create a suitable bandage. Lexa spied tracks nearby and they followed them for as long as they could, which wasn’t long enough if the muttered ‘shit’ under the commander’s breath was any indication. Upon losing the trail to nature’s elements, the two girls returned to the car and the map, using the direction Anya was last seen heading to pick out a new location to investigate.

Anya had been heading towards the slopes of the nearest mountain, and Lexa directed Raven to drive slowly by the rocky outcrop along the foothills asking her to stop anywhere Anya might have set up camp for the night or tried to ascend to gain higher ground. It was mid-afternoon and the light of the day was already starting to decrease when the two women stopped for the eighth time to inspect a cave. Lexa ventured inside as Raven stood guard by the car.

“Nothing.” Lexa murmured as she reappeared by Raven’s side.

“Fuck.” Raven spat out in frustration. The lack of progress was really starting to cut deeply into Raven now, the piece of cloth stashed away in her pocket felt as if it was burning her. The encouragement and hope that the tiny scrap of fabric had given her had receded with each dead end and empty location.

“We’ll find her.” Lexa repeated for what felt like the millionth time, as she walked past Raven and towards the car.

“WHEN?!” Raven roared out into the unrepentant environment, kicking the cracked stones underfoot. Raven’s demand reverberated around the bent and crooked trees lacking any form of green life and echoed off the stony outcroppings. Lexa was in front of her in an instant reassuringly squeezing her shoulder but Raven shrugged her off making to push past the Sheriff and return to the car hoping that Lexa would let her bury her outburst and ignore it.

“Raven-” Lexa began softly.

“I’m sorry…”, Raven whispered, keeping her back to her friend, “I lost my cool, I’m sorry.”

“You’re allowed to lose your cool, Raven. This isn’t a normal situation. You’re scared, worried and we haven’t made much progress in the last few hours.” Lexa said evenly as she paced back until she was in front of Raven again. “You’re allowed to fall apart. You’re allowed to struggle. What matters is that you keep on going after it, okay?”

Raven lifted her gaze to find Lexa scrutinising her closely but keeping her distance after Raven rejected her previous offer of comfort. “You haven’t fallen apart.” Raven muttered ashamedly.

Lexa cocked her head to the side in deep thought as she broke eye contact with Raven to stare off into the forest. “I have. Not today. But I have fallen apart. I have struggled.” Lexa confessed in a low voice. “And I made the mistake of not leaning on my friends for help. Of letting it build up inside of me until I reached the point…” Lexa cut off as her green eyes turned so dark, Raven felt inexplicable fear lance through her at the shadows that crossed over Lexa’s face. “I gave up, Raven.”

A cold shudder rolled through Raven’s body at those words. She didn’t fully understand what Lexa was telling her but somewhere deep inside of herself she knew that Lexa had revealed a dark secret she hadn’t admitted to anyone else.

Raven gulped slowly as the world around them seemed to go silent and still except for the wind whistling through the trees. Raven exhaled and forced what she hoped was at least a good impression of her normal, cocky grin, “Well, we’d better keep going then. If Anya is as hopeless with directions as I think she is… she isn’t going to find herself now, is she?”

The shadows crossing Lexa’s face disappeared as a small resolute smirk took up residence on her face. “No, she isn’t.” Lexa rolled her eyes and turned on the spot, heading back to the car, “C’mon, let’s keep mov-”

BANG!

Raven and Lexa spun in the direction of the distant sound.

“Gunshot! Get in the car, now!” Lexa ordered as she sprinted to the car, Raven obeying immediately.

Raven turned the key and the 4x4 roared to life, the wheels spun in the mud before they gained traction and shot forward. Lexa in the passenger seat pulled her gun out of its holster, and with steady hands despite the constant irregular motion of the truck, checked the chamber and switched the safety off.

“When we get there, do exactly as I say. Remember your promise. No hesitation. Do it immediately.” Lexa sternly instructed as Raven veered round a tree. “Do you understand?”

Raven bit down on her lip as she concentrated on keeping the car from rolling as it dropped down a slight ditch.

“Tell me you understand!” Lexa demanded as they roared into a clearing and Raven slammed on the brakes to avoid nearly crashing into a stationary red truck. Lexa and Raven were both flung forward in their seats, Raven’s head slamming into the steering wheel.

“I- I- underst-stand.” Raven gasped out as she felt blood trickle down her forehead. Lexa grabbed Raven’s shoulder in an attempt to inspect her injury, “I’m fine, I swear! Go!” Raven yelled as her eyes darted to Lexa and then back out to fully see what was happening in the clearing they had just driven into.

The red truck they were parked next to, and had only narrowly avoided, was on the edge of the clearing in the woods and Raven instantly recognised it as the truck that she had failed to sabotage yesterday. On the other side of the clearing Raven could just about glimpse two figures struggling and rolling around in the mud. Raven squinted through the blood that was dripping into her left eye and saw that one of the two figures was a large red headed man and he was pinning a small figure to the ground, his hands wrapped tightly around their neck. Raven’s hand instantly flew to the door handle but she froze as she saw the driver’s door of the red truck get flung open and an almost identical red head emerge, his eyes fixated on their black 4x4.

“Stay in the car!” Lexa shouted as she yanked Raven down and back fully into the driver’s seat before kicking open her own door.

* * *

 _It had to be the fucking Weasley twins,_ Lexa thought darkly remembering how much of a fight they had put up in the bar last night.

Lexa ducked and used the front of Ontari’s 4x4 as cover.

Lexa’s gaze instantly sought out Anya who was across the clearing gradually losing her struggle with, who Lexa had dubbed, Fred. Only one of Anya’s arms was trying to push the gang member off herself, her other arm remained immobile at her side, an obvious red stain cascading down that arm from her bicep. Lexa gritted her teeth and took aim with her gun at Fred’s back-

THWINK!

Bullets began to thud into the hood of the car above her head.

_George first, then Fred._

Lexa went prone on the ground and took aim in the open space between the bottom of the two trucks and the ground.

A shot to the calf.

An animal scream of pain.

Lexa jumped to her feet and ran around the vehicles to find George cradling his leg, crimson pooling around him. Lexa didn’t slowdown for even a second as her leg viciously kicked out, landing a direct hit on George’s nose. A sickening crunch sound was all that could be heard before George slumped over and went motionless. Lexa’s attack barely reduced her speed as she ran full pelt towards Anya and her attacker.

Halfway across the clearing Lexa felt time slow as Anya’s hand that had been clawing at Fred’s face began to go limp and fall to the side.

Lexa didn’t hesitate, didn’t consider any other option. She slid into a crouch, her gun raising to shoulder height and going steady.

BANG! BANG!

Clouds of red mist filled the air above the two figures across the clearing.

Lexa was sprinting before Fred’s heart had even fully stopped beating. When she reached the spot with the two immobile figures, Lexa unceremoniously shoved the red headed gang member off her best friend.

“Anya!” Lexa called out as she dropped down beside the person who meant the world to both her and Aden.

Anya’s hair was matted with mud and blood, her jeans ripped and torn in various places revealing dirty grazes and scratches. One arm of Anya’s flannel shirt had been ripped off and used to bandage the bicep of her other arm which had been hit with Ontari’s bullet. That particular injury was swollen and oozing a sickening pus. Lexa spared the bullet wound only a minor glance though as the dark blue and purple bruises that marked her best friend’s neck were what truly turned her stomach.

“Come on, Anya, breathe. Just breathe.” Lexa begged as she cradled Anya’s face, her thumbs rubbing at the mud and still damp tear tracks that marked her sharp cheekbones. “Please. Just breathe.”

A long silence followed Lexa’s plea.

Then Lexa heard one of the most glorious sounds she would ever hear in her existence.

Anya gasping and spluttering for air.

“Oh, thank god.” Lexa whispered in gratitude as Anya’s good arm shot up to grip Lexa’s forearm that was cradling her face. “It’s okay, Anya. It’s me. It’s Lexa. You’re safe.” Lexa reassured as Anya’s hand clamped tightly down to try and push Lexa away as she began to cough and wheeze, believing she was still under attack. “Open your eyes, Anya.” Lexa softly commanded.

Anya’s darkened eyes cracked open, revealing wide, frightened pupils that constricted as she slowly stared up into Lexa’s face. “L- l- lex…”, Anya croaked as tears began to pool and drip down her face. “Y- y- you c- c- came…”

“Of course I did.” Lexa hushed her friend gently as she bit back the lump forming in her own throat. “You should know, by the way, that I didn’t come alone. It seems you finally found yourself a good one in Raven.” Lexa said gently with an encouraging smile as she nodded her head back over her shoulder. A whisper of a smile graced Anya’s face and Lexa couldn’t stop the thankful chuckle that escaped her own lungs at the sight of it.

VRRRROOOOOMMMM!

Lexa’s head snapped up as she heard the sound of an approaching engine coming towards the end of the clearing that she and Anya were laying in. “Okay, time to go.” Lexa murmured as she glanced down at her best friend whose face had returned to the terrified expression she had been wearing when she had first gasped for air.

“I c- c-can’t…” Anya gasped, “hurts…”

“I know it does. I know.” Lexa soothed as she released Anya’s face, one hand grabbing her best friend’s arm and pulling it round her shoulders, her other hand reaching down and hooking under Anya’s knees. “But that’s what friends are for. To carry each other when it hurts.”

The engine sounds grew louder and closer.

Lexa knelt and lifted, Anya curling up into her chest in response. She turned, struggling under her precious load, and began to stride across the clearing, not once sparing a glance at the red-head she was leaving behind in the mud.

Across the clearing Lexa made eye contact with Raven through the front windshield. Raven’s eyes widened and before Lexa even had a chance to nod, gesture or yell, Raven was instinctively driving towards them. The engine sounds behind Lexa still ever present and growing.

The SUV turned and came to a sharp stop in front of Lexa, Raven shot out of the driver’s seat and quickly opened the backseat car door for Lexa and Anya. Raven’s eyes misted and she gasped upon seeing the state Anya was in, her whole body beginning to tremble. Lexa shuffled past Raven and gently lowered Anya into the back. “Get in the back with her.” Lexa ordered, pushing Raven to slide into the backseat with the barely moving agent.

Raven needed no further prompting, jumping at the chance to hold Anya close. Lexa slammed the door shut the moment Raven was clear and settled, her arms wrapping tightly yet comfortingly around Anya’s upper body, grateful tears streaming down her face. Lexa caught a flash of a smile as the terrified expression leaked away from Anya’s face and her hazel eyes stared brightly up at the mechanic.

Lexa clambered into the driver’s seat as a grey pickup truck emerged through the trees aiming straight for the side of their 4x4. Lexa reacted immediately and gunned the engine into reverse, their black SUV flew backwards in the nick time to avoid being T-bended by the newly arrived vehicle.

The grey truck zoomed past the front of Lexa’s car, instantly slamming on the brakes. The speed at which the truck was going though meant it would have to reverse if it wanted to give chase and Lexa seized the opportunity of the driver being focused on the manoeuvre and having their back to them, to roll down the window, pull her gun free from its holster and fire at their enemies’ back wheels. Lexa let off three quick shots, the third and final bullet finally finding a target and producing a loud hissing sound to be released as the back wheel lost air.

Lexa holstered her weapon and shifted the car into drive. As Lexa brought the car round to follow the path created by the grey truck, the passenger side window exploded. Lexa ducked her head and shot a glance to where the bullet had come from.

Ontari.

She was stood by the side of the truck, her face blank with shock as she made eye contact with Lexa. Ontari was slack-jawed and the gun in her hand lowered the instant recognition flitted across her face as she stared dumbly at Lexa.

Lexa stared back for a fraction of a second, a ringing sound filling her ears caused by the proximity of the gunshot fired at her. “GO! GO! GO!” Raven’s scream cleared the shock and disorientation from Lexa’s clouded mind, and her foot stepped down on the accelerator automatically.

Within seconds they were clear of the area and Lexa was focusing solely on dodging the trees between them and the road.

* * *

It took a painstaking forty-five minutes for them to get back to anything resembling a road, and Lexa had never been more grateful for smooth tarmac after listening to Anya grunt, wince and moan with pain at every bump they hit as they drove through the wilderness. Raven was incredible during the journey, she offered comforting words to Anya and was quick to reach into the foot well and pull out the first aid kit that Lexa had stashed their previously and begin treating Anya’s wounds and her own forehead cut attentively without any prompting. She also gave Lexa advice on what to do whenever the SUV seemed to struggle or judder unnecessarily whether it be shift down a gear or turn into the mud rather than against it.

Lexa thanked every god that was listening that Raven had managed to convince Lexa that she should tag along.

Lexa pulled into the parking lot of the motel and cut the engine. Silence consumed the interior of the vehicle, Lexa twisted in the driver’s seat to indulge herself and look at her best friend and her companion. Anya was shifting in and out of consciousness, and Raven looked equal parts joyful and traumatised.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back, okay?” Lexa said; Raven merely nodded dumbly in response, unable to drag her eyes away from the agent in her arms.

Lexa, hit by a wave of exhaustion, unsteadily got out of the car and headed to their motel room.

Lexa paused in the room, staring at the two packed bags sat on each bed.

_Decision time._

Lexa knew what she had to do.

She had started to realise it the second she had walked round the fishing store, trying to work out if the Queen’s had murdered her best friend.

But what cemented it was the image of Anya’s arm going limp as the Weasley twin deprived her of air.

Lexa had never conquered her own monster. Had never even come close. And she sure as hell didn’t feel brave enough or strong enough to seek out and attempt to destroy **him**.

_Anya was though._

_They killed Costia yet Anya didn’t runaway, didn’t hide._

_She came back swinging._

_She was strong and brave in every way I couldn’t be._

_And they nearly destroyed her in return._

Lexa didn’t know what would be worse, that Anya would keep coming back to try and vanquish her demons or this experience hurting her so badly that she became like Lexa. Jumping at shadows and breaking down at so much as a minor reference to **him**.

Lexa wouldn’t let Anya suffer either fate.

_She was going to fucking end the Queens’ reign, once and for all._

Decision made, Lexa picked up only Raven’s bag and the keys to the mustang and headed back out. Once the mustang was loaded, Lexa returned to the other two girls and without many words handed the keys of the mustang to Raven so she could lift Anya once again and carry her to the other car. Lexa gently settled Anya who was still out of it in the passenger seat, before turning to Raven.

“Listen carefully, she needs to go to the hospital but you can’t take her to the nearest one, it’s too close to Azgeda territory. St. James Hospital is about three hours from here. Go directly there, don’t stop for anything or anyone, keep the flashing lights on all the way and no one will stop you.” Raven’s mouth opened and her eyes grew clouded with confusion, but Lexa continued speaking clearly and with a measured tone. “Once there tell the doctors you want her immediate injuries treated but as soon as she’s stable she is to be moved to the Skyark hospital and placed under Abby’s care. I’ll get in contact with Nyko, and he’ll ensure that there are agents there he trusts to watch over Anya and back you up about moving her to Skyark. Now, repeat that back to me.” Lexa ordered calmly.

Raven blinked slowly and tilted her head in a more obvious display of confusion. “I don’t understand.”

Lexa arched an eyebrow, “What don’t you understand?”

“The part where it sounds like you’re not coming with us.” Raven growled, anger creeping into her tone and expression.

“I’m not coming with you.” Lexa answered sounding completely unperturbed.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you be coming with us?!” Raven hissed, her eyes beginning to blaze. Lexa couldn’t help thinking how right she was when she had stated that what she was best at was pissing people off.

“Raven. Do you think Anya will stop going after them?” Raven opened her mouth but no sound came out as her brow furrowed in thought. “Let’s say we convince her to stop going after them. Convince her to just leave it alone. Her mind will never know peace. Knowing they’re out there, hurting people… it will consume Anya. You may not have known Anya long, but you know what I’m saying is true.” Raven swallowed thickly in agreement. “I can finish them. I know I can. Right here, right now. This chance won’t come again.” Lexa finished, her voice determined and forceful.

Raven maintained eye contact with Lexa for a long time, obviously seeking something in the dark recesses of Lexa’s eyes. After a while Raven sighed in resignation having found whatever it was she was looking for.

“I drive to St. James Hospital, I stop for nothing and no one, and I use the flashing lights all the way there. When I get there, I tell them to treat her immediate injuries and as soon as she is stable, she is to be transferred to Skyark hospital under Abby’s care. Agents will meet me at the hospital to provide help.” Raven parroted back to Lexa, her shoulders slumped and her voice hollow and croaky. “Clarke will never forgive me if anything happens to you, you know that right? And I won’t forgive myself either.” Raven confessed.

“Nothing is going to happen to me.” Lexa affirmed. “And you never know, I just might beat you back to Skyark.” Lexa joked weakly, it wasn’t even funny but Raven laughed anyway before pulling Lexa into a tight, almost suffocating hug.

“I’ll look after Anya, I promise.” Raven whispered into Lexa’s ear as her arms tightened around her friend.

“I know you will.” And Lexa did know. Raven had gone so far out of her normal comfort zone for Anya, had been brave in the face of immense danger. Lexa was so proud of her, and thankful for the dean that had intervened in Clarke and Raven’s feuding, ensuring Clarke had someone like Raven in her corner. And now, Anya did too.

Lexa pulled away first, squeezing Raven’s shoulder as she had often done during their adventure before ducking down to whisper goodbye in Anya’s ear, “Get better, okay? Aden and I need you around forever.” With that reminder, Lexa placed a quick kiss on her best friend’s forehead then retreated so that Raven could reverse the mustang out of the parking spot.

Lexa stood in the motel parking lot watching her car and companions drive away until she could no longer even see the brake lights. Lexa exhaled deeply and stared up at the almost fully darkened sky.

_Your reign ends now, Nia._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just to reassure people. Next chapter is all Clarke with large doses of Aden. And then it's the final showdown between Lexa and the Queens. After that, I promise loads of clexa fluff to recover from the heavy drama the Azgeda have made us endure. Okay, cool... (I still can't believe that people are still reading this... Yay!)


	24. Dr. Griffin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so one more chapter after this before everyone is reunited.  
> By the way, livingarandomreality (I don't know if you're still reading this) there is a scene in this chapter that one of your comments inspired, I put it in as a thank you to everyone who has stuck with this genre-shifting, strange fic for so long.  
> Also, someone pointed out to me that I hadn't really developed Clarke's character very well, and I think she was right, so this chapter hopefully creates a more complex character for Clarke. (Hopefully I've succeeded). Also, this is rather different to the more action centred last two chapters and the upcoming chapter which I hope makes a nice change of pace.  
> Anyway... enjoy.

**Five Years Ago**

Clarke was sobbing in the supply closet located on the second floor by the elevators next to the maternity ward.

Clarke’s ribs were aching with the full-bodied crying hiccups that were repeatedly straining her muscles and her throat felt raw as if rubbed with sandpaper. The physical effects of her sorrow, though, didn’t hold a candle to the reason behind it.

Clarke was currently hunched over in the corner, her knees pulled in close to her chest whilst her hands gripped her head in between attempting to rub away the seemingly never-ending tears streaming down her face. The motion sensor light had gone off a while ago, plunging Clarke into a welcoming darkness.

Six months ago, on Clarke’s first day at Boston Hospital, a junior doctor, who had been there for a year already, kindly offered to give her a tour of the building. He showed her where all the departments were located, where the on-call room was, who she should and shouldn’t go to for guidance and which local bar everyone went to after their shift. The one part of the tour Clarke had rolled her eyes at and genuinely believed would be of absolutely no use to her was the supply closet on the second floor.

The junior doctor had brought Clarke to the closet, looked her dead in the eye and with the utmost serious tone he had used so far told her that when the time came and she needed to breakdown, when it all became too much, she should come to this closet.

Clarke had arched an eyebrow and scrunched her nose in response.

This closet, the older doctor had explained ignoring Clarke’s unimpressed expression, was the most central point in the hospital, meaning she could still get back to her department without any major delay if paged. The nurses at the nearby station purposefully used the closet a corridor over so those seeking refuge wouldn’t be disturbed. But, most importantly, it was opposite the maternity ward. This meant that when you finally recovered from whatever had happened, the patients you were most likely going to see when you left the sanctuary had the highest probability of being happy, of experiencing the joy of life rather than the pain it can bring.

Clarke’s guide had then returned to his normal levity and continued the tour. Clarke had brushed the information aside with ease deciding to not think anymore of it.

That was until today.

Today, Clarke found out that a quiet, slither of her mind had locked away the information given to her for an ‘in case of emergency’ event.

That event came in the form of Harper McIntyre.

* * *

Harper was normal in every way.

She worked part time in an office for an insurance company, it paid well even if the work wasn't particularly stimulating. She had married her college sweetheart straight after graduation and had had three children, each spaced about two years apart.

She was happy.

She was a completely ordinary woman and it was a completely ordinary Tuesday.

She had left work at her normal time of three thirty, had picked her youngest child up from her work’s provided daycare, and was driving her regular route to the elementary school. It had rained heavily during the day but had stopped a while ago and the sun was now shining down without a cloud in the sky. The heavy rain, though, had caused a layer of water to coat the road, add this to the bright sunlight reflecting off the puddles and the effect was blinding.

Harper was driving easily on a long, twisty road when an oncoming car, on the opposite side, swerved slightly to avoid a pothole. Unfortunately, the beginning of this car’s movement coincided with the blinding effect already described; Harper swerved in response to the opposite car’s action as her impaired vision prevented her from seeing that the other car had remained safely in their own lane.

The ambulance arrived to find Harper’s car crumpled against the tree that it had collided with. Harper’s daughter had, thankfully, survived with barely a scratch due to being strapped in safely in the backseat, whilst Harper had to be cut free of the car and underwent intensive triaging by the paramedics as she was transported to the hospital.

Upon arrival, she was transferred over to Clarke’s care.

Clarke grew to know a lot about Harper as she treated her.

The reason for this was because Harper told stories at every opportunity. Tale after tale. Anecdote after anecdote.

Clarke listened attentively to the woman as she tried to stem the blood that appeared unending. Clarke learnt Harper’s children’s names as she examined Harper for signs of a head injury. Clarke heard how Harper had met the love of her life when she had accidentally turned up to the wrong lecture on the first day of college as Clarke went through blood pack after blood pack trying to keep up with how much Harper’s body was losing. Clarke heard all about Harper’s wedding day and the birth of her children as Clarke realised how severe the internal bleeding really was and how little she could actually do to stop it.

Harper had flatlined after telling Clarke about everything left that she wanted to do with her life. How she wanted to watch her children graduate, see them get married and how she wanted to simply grow old with her husband.

Clarke had never felt so hollow. So completely empty.

She was robotic as she fruitlessly attempted resuscitation over and over and over again. Eventually, a nurse had to pull her away with a firm grip on her forearm.

Her face was blank and she felt as if a black hole had grown inside of her as she told Harper’s husband, his three children seated just metres away, that his wife had died. Clarke watched as the sweet, unassuming, rather shy English teacher from Harper’s stories brokedown in front of her and called her unemotional and heartless for her vacant gaze and un-emphatic voice.

Clarke left him to his grief with the intent to return to work and see to her next patient. Her feet, however, had other plans. Clarke had no recollection of seeking out or entering the supply closet. The only thought she had as she sunk to the floor was that she was in shock.

It was a clinical, disassociated realisation.

Shock was shielding her, acting as a mental barrier against the devastation she was experiencing. And it was that acknowledgement of her emotional disconsonance that allowed her shield to crack and break, releasing the torrent of emotions.

Clarke cried until she ran out of tears.

Clarke cried for the wonderful life that Harper had led.

Clarke cried for all the moments that Harper would never get to experience.

Clarke cried until her pager buzzed.

_I’m not ready… I can't do it again._

Bzzt. Bzzt.

_Please, not yet._

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Clarke unsteadily rose to her feet, feeling shaky and lightheaded as she did so. She didn't feel in control of her movements, her momentum to keep going was merely a conditioned response. A response she had honed and trained within herself over the past few years.

Clarke didn't run.

Didn't hide from her problems.

If something challenged or scared her she faced it without hesitation, without blinking.

At university, Clarke threw herself into her studies, not just doing well but excelling and exceeding expectations. Clarke spared less and less time for making friends, the only exception had been FInn and that was because he had fought so hard and had played on Clarke’s isolated nature and vulnerability in a manipulative manner. Unwittingly being the cause of Raven’s heartbreak had been the final straw. Clarke withdrew even further. She kept to herself, she was polite but didn’t try to give the impression she wanted anything other than acquaintances. She stayed in touch with the delinquents and that was more than enough.

This withdrawal, however, meant she sought tougher challenges to validate herself. Purposefully choosing the hardest modules, pushing herself to achieve higher and higher grades.

This desire to face any challenge had some major drawbacks.

Clarke didn’t back down easily.

She would push herself past the point of exhaustion and beyond.

She fought viciously against Raven when they were at the most hostile pinnacle of their relationship.

The argument with her mother regarding her disinterest in becoming a surgeon had Clarke threatening to not come home for christmas that year.

This attitude also created an entirely inaccurate reputation attached to Clarke…

Clarke didn’t socialise, didn’t mingle, didn’t join clubs, didn’t really interact with anyone except for maybe once or twice a semester when Clarke would go to a party.

Work hard, play hard.

Clarke would take on every challenge thrown her way. Clarke wasn’t a heavy drinker, wasn’t a heavy party goer either the issue was she only interacted with people at parties. And her fellow students having only seen her in party atmospheres assumed she was the typical party girl. (Clarke, though, proved that assumption wrong when she graduated top of her class.)

When Clarke began living with and becoming friends with Raven, Clarke’s inability to back down had softened and receded as Raven became skilled at gently coercing Clarke to rest or say no. Fortunately or unfortunately, Clarke was still conditioned by the habits she had developed which explained why she was currently descending the stairs and heading back to the ER when her heart and mind were still torn up and distracted by thoughts of Harper McIntyre.

“Dr. Griffin, over here.” The nurse who called her name had spotted her from down the hallway and was gesturing to the doorway she was standing beside. Clarke hurried over as she readjusted the stethoscope around her neck and forced herself to keep her breathing steady. “Six year old male, broke his leg falling off his skateboard down a ramp.” The nurse helpfully informed Clarke as she handed over the chart in her hands.

Clarke swallowed thickly forcing down the thought that one of Harper’s children had been six as well. Clarke’s voice came out more confident than she thought possible as she asked the nurse about the treatment so far and thanked her for the information and everything she had done.

Clarke paused outside the room as she heard the small boy whimper and cry even through the door and walls. Gripping the chart with one hand, Clarke pushed open the door increasing the volume of the child’s cries to the rest of the department momentarily. The boy’s mother was fussing over him and trying desperately to provide comfort. Clarke introduced herself to the mother before kneeling down to speak directly to the small child.

“Hello, Matthew. My name is Doctor Griffin, and I’m here to fix up your leg, does that sound good to you?” Clarke asked gently. Matthew was short for six but had a healthy build, he had mousy, curly brown hair and big doleful brown eyes that were leaking tears. He bit his lip as he nodded his agreement.

“I thought it would. If it’s alright with you, I’m going to take a look at your leg, okay? Let me know if I do anything that hurts you and I’ll stop immediately.” Clarke spoke clearly, keeping her words simple but not patronising.

Another stiff nod, but now Matthew’s brown eyes started to focus intensely on Clarke, specifically her hands. As she moved to start her examination, before she even had a chance to touch his twisted leg to assess the injury, Matthew flinched preemptively causing his leg to jerk and wrenching forth a loud scream of pain. Matthew’s mother lurched forward to provide comfort whilst Clarke took a step back and waited for Matthew to recover.

Clarke felt helpless in that moment as she watched Matthew tense up tightly in pain.

She couldn’t concentrate.

She couldn't soothe the look of fear on the boy's face.

She couldn’t even get close to Matthew’s injury.

The thought that Harper had been so easy to treat rose unbidden in Clarke’s mind.

Harper had been so focused on the stories she was telling, she barely even registered Clarke working, had barely even acknowledged the indescribable pain she must have been in. Harper’s stories had also had the surprising effect of helping Clarke focus on her task at hand, Harper’s tales didn't require much input and were simply absorbed like a sponge by Clarke as she worked.

Matthew’s sobs came out harsh and thick as Clarke flashbacked to how Harper had remained so strong and brave and inspiring even at the very end.

Harper had spoken about her husband to distract herself.

Had used her memories and tales to escape her current painful reality.

Clarke forced down the emotion building up inside her as she was struck with a realisation.

She moved into action, slowly returning to her knelt down position beside Matthew, bringing herself back to his level once again. “I know it hurts, Matthew. I broke my leg when I was ten. Do you want to know what happened?” Clarke asked as the small boy struggled to blink back another flood of tears. Clarke waited patiently until he gave a small nod.

“Well, long story short… I fell off a flagpole.” Matthew’s choked breathing stopped for a second as he blinked in momentary surprise. Clarke smiled cheekily as she continued, “But just so you know, it was my best friend’s fault.”

Matthew’s head tilted as he stopped biting his lip allowing his jaw to drop slightly in shock, “She pushed you off?” He exclaimed in a squeaky voice, raw from crying.

Clarke snorted, “No, much worse than that....,” Clarke leant forward as if to share a secret and Matthew’s eyes went wide with building anticipation as Clarke whispered conspiratorially, “She didn’t stop me from climbing it in the first place.”

Matthew’s face screwed up in confusion, “How does that make it her fault?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Ugh… you sound just like my parents.” She teased with a mock aggrieved tone as she moved a step down the bed.  

Matthew pouted up at her, “So, why were you climbing it in the first place?” He questioned with a curious tone underneath the pain inflecting his words.

“Well, it all really started about two weeks before it happened... Lexa and I-... err… Lexa was my best friend… were in history class learning about the moon landing.” Clarke began with a soft smile as the memories flooded her mind and Matthew’s breathing slowly began to even out as he listened to her. “We learnt about how when the astronauts landed, they planted an american flag on the moon. After finding this out, Lexa and I got into an argument about whether planting a flag meant that you had claimed the place as yours. Lexa didn’t think so but I did… so I planned to prove her wrong.” As Clarke sketched out the background to her tale, she carefully took another couple of steps down the bed, bringing herself in line with Matthew’s broken leg. “I locked myself away for a week, planning  and making loads of little flags with Griffins painted in gold on them. Eventually, I had made enough to put my plan into motion. I was ready. I was going to put my flags _everywhere_ Lexa would normally go, hidden in plain sight for her to find. I had picked all the locations and left extra early in the morning to hide them before Lexa got to school.”

Clarke, started examining Matthew’s leg pleased that there wasn’t so much as a twitch from the boy as he was so focused on her face and the words coming forth that he hadn’t even registered the light prodding and testing of his injured limb. Clarke shot the boy a smirk as the boy blinked up at her expectantly to continue, “So...  I go to Lexa’s locker, planning to stick my first flag there only to find a flag with a tree painted on it already there.” Matthew tilted his head in surprise and confusion at the twist in Clarke’s tale. “Seeing this flag, I rush to my own locker to find another tree already stuck there. I, then, run around everywhere I was planning on planting my flags to find a tree claiming every single spot. One in the library, one in every classroom, one even in the girls’ bathroom. See, Lexa’s last name was Woods, explaining the tree… and she knew me better than anyone. She knew exactly what I planned to do and had beaten me to it. And thing is, I couldn’t just replace her flags with my flags because then I would be proving her right that planting a flag doesn’t show ownership. And I couldn’t _stand_ the idea of being proven wrong.”

Matthew giggled at Clarke’s narrowed eyes and haughty displeasure, purposefully echoing her younger version’s expression at the time. Matthew’s mother shot her son a disapproving look implying that the reason for his accident might have been more similar to Clarke’s story than she may have realised. “So, what did you do?” Matthew pestered gleefully, his face twisting slightly with pain as Clarke maneuvered his leg in a certain direction. Clarke stopped the movement and noted the reaction.

“Well, I don’t back down easily. I realised that the only way to beat Lexa was to go _bigger_.”

“Bigger?” Matthew prompted.

“ _Bigger._ ” Clarke repeated with over-the-top wide eyes and a manic grin. “My logic was that a bigger flag would claim a bigger area, thereby outranking Lexa’s tinier flags. Soooo… back to the workshop I went and I constructed the supreme Griffin flag. A flag that put all other flags to shame. Again, I got up early and headed out. Outside the very front of my school was a surprisingly tall and robust flagpole. That flagpole was my target.” Clarke finished her examination of Matthew’s leg with ease; a proud smile lighting up her face as she returned to the head of the bed to finish her story directly to Matthew.

“I arrive at the school, prepped and ready to raise my flag and claim my victory, only to find…. Lexa already waiting for me there… the smuggest smirk you can ever imagine on her face, her own tree stamped flag billowing from the flagpole.” Matthew’s face broke out into a wide grin as he cackled at Clarke’s past failure. “Well, see that was the final straw for me… I couldn’t stand being defeated like that and before i knew it, I was shimmying up the flagpole, intent on pulling Lexa’s flag down and putting mine up instead.”

“And then you fell…?” Matthew asked through his laughter.

Clarke put on an highly affronted expression. “No.” Clarke denied vehemently, “I climbed to the top of that flagpole, gracefully tore down that stupid tree flag and put up my majestic Griffin. I raised a fist high in the air in victory and then... fell.” Matthew laughed loudly and gleefully as Clarke muttered under her breath, “It was totally worth it.”

Clarke bid farewell to the small boy, who had already begun to repeat the story to his mother as if she hadn’t heard it the first time. Outside the room was an older doctor, that Clarke recognised to be Dr. Conway the head of the department, and the nurse that had called Clarke over to the room in the first place. Both had astonished expressions on their faces and Dr. Conway instantly stepped forward as Clarke approached the two waiting figures, “Very impressive, Dr. Griffin.” The older man smiled warmly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Thank you.” Clarke replied, marginally stupefied by the compliment.

_I lost a patient only a little over two hours ago and the head of the department was impressed? With me?_

“You’re going to make a fine doctor.” Dr. Conway said knowingly before patting her on the shoulder and taking his leave.

Clarke was so flabbergasted by her superior’s words that she almost didn’t hear the nurse who was now looking through a chart nearby, leaning on the nurse’s station, mutter under her breath, “She’ll make an even better mother.”

* * *

**Present Day**

 

“Should we check on him or…?” Clarke asked worriedly biting her bottom lip as she paced in the Woods’ kitchen.

Lincoln, who was perched on one of the bar stools by the kitchen island, watched her anxious movement as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. “Give it another hour, he’s a lot like Lexa in that he needs time on his own to process things.”

“Oh, okay.” Clarke mumbled, feeling entirely out of her depth.

After Lexa had left, Clarke has returned to her seat and watched the rest of the game despondently. At the same time, Aden began to put even less than the minimal amount of effort required into the rest of the game and the coach, eventually, had to admit defeat and bench him when he didn’t even bother to pick up so much as one ball that was hit in his direction.

Clarke had watched him grow gloomier and gloomier, her leg starting to bounce more and more nervously as she felt a level of uncertainty she hadn’t experienced for years consume her with each passing minute. Her parents, who were sat behind her, took to gently squeezing her shoulder everytime her jittery leg movement began to shake the entire stand.

With only ten minutes left of the game, Lincoln arrived like a hero swooping in to save the day, he was red-faced and panting slightly as he slid into the seat next to Clarke and pulled her into a bear hug that promised everything would be okay. Seeing how Aden was sat staring into nothingness on the bench, Lincoln suggested they take him home early before his friends could bombard him with questions about why his mother disappeared off and why he hadn’t smiled since she left. Clarke had nodded her agreement, murmuring the plan to her parents who insisted that Clarke keep them up-to-date with everything and that she call them if her or Aden needed anything.

The walk back to the house had been eerily silent, Clarke’s tongue had felt like lead in her mouth, weighing heavy and lacking a single word to share that could possibly help the young boy or lighten the dark cloud hanging over them. Clarke, who had been given the spare key to the house that morning so that her and Raven could come and go as they pleased whilst they crashed with the Woods, opened the door only for Aden to flash past her at incredible speed as soon as there was enough space for him to slip inside. Clarke watched as he bounded up the stairs, disappearing when he reached the landing and subsequently hearing his bedroom door slam shut. Lincoln had merely sighed in response and rubbed the back of his neck as he headed to the kitchen leading Clarke gently by the elbow inside with him.

It had been nearly an hour by the time Clarke finally worked up the courage to ask if they should go talk to Aden. They had both milled about the bottom floor of the house, repeatedly checking their phones at every opportunity in the the hope that Lexa, Raven or even Anya had sent a message.

The last time Clarke had looked after Aden had been during the Maya Vie case. Clarke had felt out of her depth then as well but Lexa had still been in town, max fifteen minutes away at any given point if Lexa properly put her foot down to drive to the house. Also, Clarke had known Lexa would be back the very next morning… now, there was a rather big question mark over her return time and date. Clarke could probably shrug and say Lincoln knows Aden better (probably knows Lexa better too) and leave most of the responsibility on his able shoulders but Clarke was loath to do that. She felt uncomfortable, scared and stressed but the truth was the only place she wanted to be was with Aden. Protecting and looking after him. Clarke would barely be able to function if she left and had know idea how he was coping.

Unable to sit and do nothing, Clarke got to work making sandwiches for everyone. They were haphazardly made and simple (ham and cheese) but filling. Clarke handed a plate to Lincoln, who took it gratefully and dug in without delay, and then steeled herself as she made her way upstairs, a second plate balanced on the palm of her hand.

Knock! Knock!

“Hey, Ade. It’s me.” Clarke called out from the other side of Aden’s bedroom door that remained firmly shut despite her audible knocking. Clarke hesitated but remembered Lincoln’s words and decided to set the plate down on the floor beside the door. “I made sandwiches, there’s a plate for you outside your door.” Clarke paused, hoping to hear even the slightest movement from Aden’s room, she sighed disappointedly at the answering silence. “Ade… I’m here if you need me.” With that final reminder, Clarke returned to the kitchen and Lincoln who had already finished off his sandwich and was back to staring at his phone.

Lincoln looked up and gave her a pitying expression when she shook her head in response to his unasked question regarding the small boy. “How are you doing?” He asked instead, purposefully placing his phone down on the counter to give Clarke his undivided attention.

“Not great, I need to keep busy… I hate just sitting here. I feel useless.” Clarke responded as she slipped onto the stool beside the bartender.

“Yeah, I know that feeling.” Lincoln murmured resignedly.

Clarke peered at Lincoln’s slightly slumped over posture and defeated expression. “I’m guessing you’ve been through this before?”

Lincoln nodded slowly, “A few times, yeah. The first time was when Lexa went undercover with the Azgeda. Anya came and told me she was struggling, that what she was doing was dangerous... “, Lincoln for the first time ducked his head and turned away from her, his expression contorting with shame, shocking Clarke considerably since Lincoln hadn’t once flinched when talking about his past or any of the mistakes he had made. “I owe so much to Anya for knocking some sense into me…”, he commented more to himself than to Clarke. “Finding out that I wasn’t even _aware_ that Lexa was in danger… and then, once I knew… it gave me a reason to get better… to be better. I promised myself I would be there and that she could depend upon me the next time.”

Lincoln was staring so laser-focused into the marble countertop, Clarke wouldn’t have been surprised if holes suddenly began to appear from the ferocity of his gaze alone. Clarke placed a hand on his broad shoulder and lightly stroked up and down in what she hoped was a comforting manner.

“I failed.” He whispered into the silence.

“No.” Clarke rebutted instantly in dismay at Lincoln’s brooding darkness. “Lexa is depending on you right now, she’s entrusting you with Aden-”

“I wasn’t talking about now.” Lincoln interrupted softly, returning his gaze to Clarke’s and revealing the pain echoing deep within him. Clarke’s mouth clamped shut tightly. “The last time… I thought… I didn’t think Lexa would come back from that… It’s not fair, you know?” Lincoln’s soft rambling seemed barely audible as Clarke’s heart began to thunder in her chest at the past events Lincoln’s words hinted at. The words pouring forth from Lincoln seemed to merely be a stream of consciousness as he tried to rationalise everything that was happening and Clarke was simply the nearby vessel to receive it all. “Lexa and Aden… they suffered so much and then just as they were becoming truly happy, life throws them for a loop. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not.” Clarke agreed quietly, “And there’s nothing we can do about that.” As Clarke continued, a cold, hard edge seeped into her voice. “But what we can do is be there for them, support them as best we can and... fight like hell against anything that tries to hurt either of them.” Clarke’s free hand turned into a tight fist and her blue eyes began to burn ferociously as the desire to take on the entire Azgeda gang and drag Lexa back to her son, consumed her.

Lincoln stared at her in a minor state of awe for a long moment before a small smile began to consume his features. “You know… I can finally see why Lexa never got over you.”

* * *

 

Aden stared around his room…

His room that his Ma had painstakingly decorated when they had first moved in.

The walls were a light blue and posters of some of his favourite films or videogames were carefully pinned up alongside some of his own artwork. A long bookshelf took up most of one wall, and was filled with books, games and picture frames of him, his Ma, his Aunt Anya and Lincoln. His bedding was superhero themed and featured some of his favourite Marvel heroes. The giant stuffed raccoon was placed beside his bed, alongside a dog stuffed toy his Ma had got him not soon after they had first met.

Aden loved his room.

 _How long will it be my room if Ma doesn’t come back?_ Aden thought to himself bitterly as he kicked the raccoon out of his way before collapsing on the bed and burying himself in darkness under the quilt, refusing to move from then onward.

Clarke knocked on his door at some point, offering food but Aden wasn’t hungry and wished she would just leave now to save time in the long run.

_Why is she even still here?_

_Doesn’t she have something better to do?_

_She’s just going to leave anyway._

_Everyone else does… even when they say won’t._

_Possible foster parents stopped coming even when they promised that they would be back._

_Aunt Anya left when she was supposedly happy._

_Even Ma..._

“Ade?” Clarke’s voice cut through the silence and the darkness, jarring Aden from his vicious swirling thoughts. Aden bit down on his tongue refusing to respond and draw out the inevitable. “Dinner’s ready… I notice you didn’t eat lunch…”

_That much time has passed already?_

Aden wouldn’t let himself even call out to say he wasn’t hungry… he would not engage, would not open himself up in anyway, shape or form. “Ade…?” Clarke called out again, almost begging for a response.

“Aden?” Lincoln’s familiar voice questioned now, a worried strain undercutting his normal reassuring baritone.

_He shouldn’t be here._

_He should be with Ma. Helping her and keeping her safe like he said he would._

_And anyway... that’s where he really wants to be. Not stuck here with the ten year old that just gets in the way._

“We’re coming in, okay?” Lincoln warned, pausing before pushing open the door to allow Aden to say no. Aden buried himself further within the quilt in response, his back facing the door as a bar of light from the opening split the bed in half. Two sets of footsteps slowly approached. “Hey, how are you doing?” Lincoln asked gently; Aden felt the mattress dip noticeably to one side as Lincoln perched on the bed behind him.

Aden remained silent, his throat clogged up with words and his head spinning.

“Aden, talk to me… Let me help.” Lincoln requested, his hand slowly reaching out to rest on Aden’s shoulder.

The comforting touch was searing to Aden.

The last person to provide it had been his Ma when she had left. The ghostly feeling of her arms surrounding his body had been haunting him since she had walked away and Lincoln’s solid touch evaporated that feeling instantly.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Aden roared ripping the duvet from his body as he twisted and snarled at his adoptive uncle.

Lincoln jumped as if bitten, standing up immediately, backing away from the bed and retreating to the door. Clarke, however, who had been standing only a foot from where Lincoln had been perched didn’t even flinch at Aden’s outburst.

“I don’t want to talk to you! I just want to be left alone!” Aden yelled at Clarke who watched him, a hurt and pained expression dancing across her features.

Aden panted as he stared down a darker shade of blue that was far more resolute than he had anticipated.

“I don’t want _you_ here.” He muttered, his voice filled with spite and venom as he aimed the words at Clarke.

Clarke twitched in her spot as Lincoln mumbled her name and gestured to the door. Clarke visibly bit the inside of her cheek as she broke eye contact with Aden to glance down. That’s when Aden noticed the plate with a lopsided sandwich in her hands. Carefully, Clarke took a step forward and placed the food on his bedside table, at the same time, whispering so only Aden could hear, “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Tears instantly began to prickle at Aden’s eyes when he heard Clarke’s statement; embarrassment and anger over his emotional reaction caused Aden to sharply turn back to his original spot, his back to Clarke and Lincoln once again, preventing them from seeing his rapidly forming tears.  

There was the sound of retreating footsteps, the creak of the door and the click as it closed, removing the beam of light and plunging Aden back into the darkness he was comfortable with.

Aden knew what Clarke had really been saying… she had been offering up Disney films and ice cream on the sofa like he normally did with his Ma, like he had done with Clarke last time his Ma had to save the day. She was offering him the safety blanket that he had come to depend on.

_I don’t need it anymore._

_I don’t need it anymore._

_I don’t need it anymore._

Aden repeated that mantra to himself over and over again, even when every fibre of his being in the dead of night begged him to run down the stairs to where he truly hoped Clarke was waiting for him. But he couldn’t completely convince himself that she would be there. And the fear that she wasn’t waiting for him... that he was wrong about her was all that his mind needed to paralyse and taunt him.

_I don’t need it anymore._

_I don’t need anyone anymore._

* * *

 

“Hey, Da-”

“Any news?” Jake asked before Clarke even had the chance to finish her greeting.

“No…”, Clarke sighed dejectedly as she rubbed the back of her painfully aching neck, the result of sleeping in the armchair downstairs last night in case Aden appeared seeking comfort at any hour of the night. Which he didn’t.

The morning had been awkward and strained. Aden had appeared sullen and gloomy, not making eye contact with Clarke once and only responding to her in grunts or single syllables. He barely eat any of the breakfast put in front of him and during the car ride to school he purposefully kicked his feet out in the footwell in an attempt to annoy and frustrate Clarke. The second they pulled up to the school, Clarke had turned to Aden and tried reaching out once again only for Aden to bite back with another vicious command to leave him alone, only this time featuring some far more colourful language before he dashed from the car, slamming the door behind himself and hurrying into the building.

Clarke sat in the car motionless for a long time after Aden had left.

The feeling of helplessness had escalated with each rebuff from the small boy who was acting less and less like the sweet kid who asked for her help with drawing and wanted nothing more than to play Mario Kart endlessly with her.

Clarke felt like a complete failure.

Like she was in one of those nightmares where you turn up to school only to find out that you have to sit an exam in a class you don’t remember ever taking.

The Aden she knew had disappeared and left behind a child she didn’t even remotely understand. Even Lincoln admitted he was completely out of his depth after last night.

Clarke needed help. She wasn’t a parent or even an aunt or role model to any child.

Her work as a doctor had given her experience interacting with children but nearly all of those times the child’s parent had been on hand to provide the main source of comfort and more importantly, Clarke would do her part… put a bandage on the injury, get the broken bone x-rayed and plastered, prescribe the right treatment... and then that was it. She was done.

The kid was out the door.

It wasn’t her problem anymore.

Clarke could treat short term problems but… looking after Aden… being a reliable support? That wasn’t a put a bandage on it and then you’re done situation even remotely.

So, Clarke did what she always did when faced with a problem she wasn’t sure how to handle.

She called her Dad.

“What’s wrong?” Her dad questioned, instantly picking up on there being a deeper issue from his daughter’s defeated tone.

“Dad… I-”, Clarke leant forward until her forehead was resting against the steering wheel, “I don’t know what to do… I feel like everything I do is wrong… I don’t know how to help him.” Clarke admitted, her words catching in her throat as she said them.

“Help him? Help who? ... Aden?” Jake prompted gently hearing how distraught his daughter was.

“Yeah… It’s just… I don’t know what he needs… should I leave him alone? Should I get him to talk to me? I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, please.” Clarke pleaded, her fingers tightening around the phone against her ear as she pressed her forehead harder against the leather of the steering wheel.

“Oh, Clarke…”, Jake murmured.

“He’s hurting and pushing me away, Dad. It’s like he’s a different kid and I don’t…”, Clarke’s voice cut out as she curled up into herself even more.

“Listen, sweetie. I think you should talk to your mom.” Jake said with a deadly serious voice.

“What? Why?” Clarke quickly demanded, her mind jumping to the conclusion that there was something medically wrong with Aden that she had missed and that her mother could treat.

Jake remained silent for a long time before responding, “Because Abby was far more successful at reaching out to Lexa when she was a child than I ever was. Clarke… I don’t think you realise how much your mother was there for Lexa when you couldn’t be. Not because you weren’t a good friend… but because you were too young to provide the support she needed. Lexa went to Abby for everything… she was the only adult Lexa truly trusted. To be able to reach out to a child who felt that abandoned and alone… Just trust me when I say, your mother will be able to give you much better advice than me.”

* * *

 

“Aden.” Charlotte beamed as she said his name and fell into the seat beside him. “You didn’t meet me by my locker, I thought you might not be in school today.”

Aden hummed in response, purposefully not turning his head to look at her. Charlotte’s brow furrowed and her shoulders sank as she realised her friend was blatantly ignoring her. Unsure what to do, she decided to get her books out for the upcoming class quietly, trying her utmost to disturb Aden as little as possible.

Charlotte had seen Aden grow into an extremely dark mood yesterday after the Sheriff left partway through the game, an act that was totally out of the ordinary. But Charlotte had assumed that if Aden hadn’t been feeling well or that something was going on with his Ma, Aden wouldn’t have been in school, a presumption that she had thought had been confirmed when Aden hadn’t met her at her locker like he always did before class.

Maths passed exceedingly slowly as Aden continued to be unresponsive to any of Charlotte’s attempts at conversation. Even when they were supposed to work on a problem together in pairs Aden merely grunted or shrugged his shoulders every time she attempted to get his input. Charlotte then assumed that she had done something to upset Aden.

_Maybe my brothers were mean to him when he came over?_

_Or I annoyed him during the game yesterday?_

_Maybe he just doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?_

What made Charlotte realise that Aden’s attitude might not have anything to do with her was how he acted during class. Normally, Aden would diligently take notes and keep his attention on the teacher for the most part. In particularly boring classes, Aden would doodle an image for Charlotte to admire and keep her entertained. Today, though, Aden stared out the window, not taking in a single word of the teachers, not trying any of the exercises they had to do. Whenever the teacher called on him, Aden would answer with a shrug and a, “I dunno.”

Aden’s attitude had shifted so drastically that by Geography when the teacher called on Aden and tried to kindly prod him along towards the answer after receiving his repeated ‘dunno’, Aden had snapped and muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear, “I don’t fucking care.”

A stunned silence had fallen over the entire class.

The elderly geography teacher, Mr. Fredrickson, froze and his jaw dropped as he was completely gobsmacked by the words that had poured out of one his, previously, most docile students. Aden merely rolled his eyes and kicked out his feet as Mr. Fredrickson sputtered for air and tried to regain control of his classroom as the students erupted into a cacophony of sound at the drama they had just witnessed.

Charlotte had watched in sheer horror as she failed to recognise the boy pretending to be her best friend.

“Principal’s office now, Mr. Woods!” Mr. Fredrickson finally managed to yell out over the shouts of Charlotte’s fellow classmates. Charlotte attempted to get Aden’s eye as he abjectly got up from his seat and dragged his bag with him towards the door, but he didn’t once look her way. DIdn’t spare her even a glance.

Charlotte’s heart plummeted.

_Something’s wrong._

_That’s not my best friend._

_That’s not Aden._

Charlotte watched Aden disappear out the classroom unable to follow and even if she could have she would have absolutely no idea what she could do to help.

* * *

 

**Seven Years Ago**

 

“It’s my choice, Mum, not yours.” Clarke snapped after the eighteenth ‘advantage’ of being a surgeon in the last hour.

“Of course it is.” Abby responded quickly, a flash of surprise flitting across her face as she handed Clarke a plate to dry.

Clarke grit her teeth in frustration as she took the piece of crockery and focused all her attention on drying it as efficiently as possible. Clarke had known the second her mum had asked her to help with the washing and drying following Sunday dinner that it was merely a ploy for Abby to corner her and question her thoroughly on her chosen career path. She had shot her dad, a pleading, desperate look, wordlessly asking him to get her out of being trapped for an extended amount of time with her mother. Jake, however, had shook his head and nodded for her to face the music.

“I just want you to be sure that you’re making the _right_ choice for yourself.” Clarke’s grip on the plate in her hands grew so tight, there was a moment where she thought she might break it in half. It was the emphasis on ‘right’ that really got to her. Her mother threw that word in her face at every opportunity. At every stage of her life. At every decision.

 _Are you sure a red prom dress is the_ **_right_ ** _colour for you?_

 _Do you really think Charlie the quarterback is the_ **_right_ ** _date?_

 _Are you sure Boston is the_ **_right_ ** _place for you?_

 _Are those modules the_ **_right_ ** _options?_

 _Are you making the_ **_right_ ** _decision?_

All Clarke really heard was that her mum thought she was making the **wrong** choice.

Clarke’s mother questioned everything she did. Made her defend every choice. Turned every decision into a fight. Clarke, when she was a little girl before her mother even developed her questioning attitude, always went to her Dad for help, support and guidance for every decision in her life. He was always smiling and attentive, making him far more approachable than Abby in Clarke’s eyes especially since Abby would often be at work during the evening limiting how much time they spent together as Clarke grew up. Abby was the disciplinarian to her father’s fun providing role. Her mother’s more and more pushing manner as Clarke grew up made it increasingly unlikely that she would seek Abby out until she had actually decided for herself, until she could plant her flag and defend her choices.

Clarke, though, was tired. Tired of having to fight tooth and nail to justify something only she should get a say in. She wanted to be an emergency room doctor and that should be all that mattered.

_So what if I can’t give an exact reason?_

_So what if I haven’t created a powerpoint explaining exactly the benefits of this career path?_

_So what if I haven’t got a long term goal?_

_Who gives a shit?!_

_It’s what_ **_I_ ** _want to do._

_My life. My choice._

Abby took Clarke’s brooding silence as an open invitation to keep talking, to keep needling away. “Have you really considered all your options? If it’s the challenge you like there a plenty of other medical careers that provide that without limiting your development.”

Clarke gritted her teeth and focused on controlling her growing anger.

“Surgery, for example, can offer you various challenges.”

Clarke’s eyes honed in on the pile of washing up that seemed to show no sign of decreasing.

“Surgery also provides you plenty of options in the future as there are so many ways you can specialise.”

_Breathe in. Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her. Breathe out._

“Consider, how much effort you’ve put into your studies. Some of the most competitive programmes are begging to have you and yet you want to settle for far less.”

_It’s my choice. Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her._

“How long have you actually spent thinking about this?”

_My choice. My choice. My choice._

“Clarke? Clarke? Are you even listening to me?”

Clarke’s head snapped around as her mother dropped the final cooking pot back into the water to round on her daughter. Clarke’s anger broke the dam as her chance of getting out of the room without raising her voice vanished beneath the bubbles.

“It’s MY choice! Not yours, MINE!” Clarke yelled, ferociously throwing down the dish cloth on the side with an audible, whipping sound.

Abby took half a step back as her eyes widened for a fraction of second before her face went hard and set at the venomous tone being employed by her daughter. Neither of them moved for a long moment, and Clarke hoped that her mother would turn around and drop the subject… _but, of course, she didn’t_. Abby slowly crossed her arms over her chest, pursed her lips and then quietly demanded, “Give me three reasons why this is the right decision.”

Clarke’s fists clenched at her sides as her mind sparked and jumped trying desperately to provide three justifications. Three simple reasons.

None came to her and Clarke’s anger increased tenfold at the failure.

Her building fury instantly seeked out the closest target.

“NO! I don’t have to give you any reason!” Clarke roared back, her words becoming increasingly loud and visceral as Abby merely shook her head in a dismissive manner.

Every poke, prod and dig that her mother had made over her decision flashed through her mind.

Every doubt and fear her mother had picked at and exposed, Clarke experienced all over again.

“All that should matter is that it is what _I want_ to do! Why can’t you ever just support me?!”

An expression of complete dismay appeared on Abby’s face at Clarke’s question, “Clarke-” She began softly, her eyes watchful and suddenly hesitant.

Clarke, however, didn’t want to hear anything else, she just wanted out, wanted away from her mother’s probing questions and the uncertainty they nourished inside of herself. “It’s my choice, your opinion doesn’t matter to me.” Clarke’s resolve wavered for a heartbeat as she glimpsed the pain that her comment inflicted. The rift, though, that mother and daughter had helped create between them ran far deeper than Clarke’s momentary hesitancy. The need to be free of this argument outweighed everything else. “And I’m _done_ talking about this.”

With that final, firm statement, Clarke strode out of the kitchen and past her father who was waiting in the hallway having heard his family’s raised voices. He futilely tried to get Clarke to stop and talk but she was not in the mood for her father’s gentle words.

Clarke ran up to her room and started packing her bags deciding to cut short her weekend visit whilst Jake tried to provide comfort to his wife downstairs.

* * *

**Present Day**

 

“Clarke?” The hesitant greeting came a second or so after a light knock on Clarke’s office door which the blonde had failed to hear as she stared blankly at her message-less phone. The sound of her name pulled Clarke out of her trance and allowed her to become aware of her mum who was lingering in the open doorway awaiting an invitation to come in.

“Hey, Mum.” Clarke greeted with a weak smile, gesturing for Abby to come in and sit down. Abby took a seat once she had shut the door behind herself and placed two containers of food on the table. “You didn’t have to bring anything.” Clarke admonished gently causing Abby to merely roll her eyes and push the homemade meal across the desk.

“It’s just Sunday leftovers, nothing more.” Abby dismissed lightly.

Clarke felt a pang of regret at the reminder that she and the Woods hadn’t shared Sunday dinner with her parents as originally planned, Aden had been in no mood for socialising and Clarke didn’t want to leave Lexa’s house for fear of missing a message or anything. Clarke remembered though how excited Abby had been at the prospect of making another dinner alongside Lexa, she had even gone out and specifically bought ingredients for a recipe her and Lexa had been discussing last week,

“Still no news?” Abby checked, already knowing the answer but asking anyway, as she settled in her seat and scrutinised her daughter closely.

Clarke sighed as she shook her head and morosely picked at the food her mother had brought, her appetite decreasing at the reminder of the lack of information. “But no news is good news, right?” Clarke said forcing a light tone which fell flat, the ensuing silence being especially heavy and cloying.

All Clarke had to do was say the words.

Ask for help and guidance.

She had literally done it a few hours earlier with her Dad but this was her mother… They got along, talked and chatted happily away but Clarke had never had that close bond with Abby that she had with Jake. Being vulnerable and open with her mum didn’t come easy.

_This isn’t for you. This is for Aden._

_Suck it up._ Clarke’s inner voice commanded.

“Clarke?” Abby prompted as her daughter studied the mashed potatoes intensely.

“Aden’s struggling and I don’t know what to do.” The words came out rushed, the verbal equivalent of ripping of a band-aid.

Abby blinked once as if stupefied, “Okay…”, she said slowly, unsure why Clarke was telling her this and not Jake.

Clarke swallowed thickly as she pushed the food away from herself and forced her attention onto her mother who had raised an eyebrow at her. “What do I do?” Clarke asked getting right to the point.

Abby blinked again still in a state of mild surprise.

Clarke ground her teeth together in frustration. “Dad said you would be able to help… That you-,” Clarke flapped her hands at her mother who had gone motionless but still continued to watch Clarke closely, “you had been able to… to… reach out to Lexa… he said you would be able to help…. And I don’t know what to do, Mum. Tell me what to do,” The words were disparate, lacking coherence and heavy with desperation but for some reason they seemed to do the trick more than her previous blunt demand.

Abby who had been balancing her tupperware container on her knee, carefully lifted and placed it on Clarke’s desk so she could fold her hands together in her lap, managing to not once break eye contact with Clarke as she did so. She then cleared her throat, smiled softly and asked, “Do you remember when we went shopping for your prom and you insisted that you wanted the red dress?”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to blink in surprise, “Err… yes…” Clarke answered as her hands that hand been gesturing wildly settled on the arms of her office chair. “You hated that dress.”

“No, I didn’t.” Abby snorted as she tapped her fingers together in her lap.

Clarke’s brow scrunched up at the apparent lie. “Yes, you did. We spent two hours in the store as you ripped into it and made me get the blue one instead.”

Abby tilted her head, her eyes narrowing in on Clarke’s blue ones. “I thought you looked beautiful in the red dress.”

“What?!” Clarke exclaimed, shaking her head vigorously, “No, no, no, no… that makes no sense… why would you convince me to get the blue dress if you thought that?”

Clarke’s mind was whirling as she struggled to keep up with everything that was transpiring.

_Why is she bringing this up now of all times?_

_I just asked her for help and instead she wants to rewrite history?_

_What the hell?_

“I didn’t convince you, Clarke. You convinced yourself.” Abby stated matter-of-factly.

Clarke held up her index finger as if that would pause what she believed to be lies out of her mother’s mouth, “Uh… no, I don’t think so. I distinctly remember you doing your spanish inquisitor impression and asking me endless questions until I relented.”

“That’s really how you remember it?”

It was the way her mother asked that question that made Clarke really think back, her tone was _knowing_ as if she knew a secret Clarke didn’t. A secret that should’ve been obvious.

Clarke had already selected the red dress she had wanted for prom, her and Octavia had gone shopping a week before she and her mother went. Clarke had tried on the red and blue dress, it was the former, though, which had Octavia squealing and jumping gleefully proclaiming that the red one was ‘the one’. ‘The one’, she knew Clarke’s prom date would be unable to resist. Buoyed by Octavia’s opinion and insistence, Clarke’s mind had become set. A week later, when she and her mother (who had happily agreed to purchase whatever Clarke chose) arrived back at the store, Clarke had tried the dress on for her mother’s benefit only to find herself faced with the relentless questioning she was becoming all too familiar with.

Clarke had struggled to come up with fully fledged answers during her mother’s interrogation and finally Clarke asked if she could try the blue one again. Following the change, her mother asked no further questions instead telling her how stunning and grown up she looked in the blue dress.

“Clarke,” Abby leant forward in her chair as she spoke, “tell me, honestly, and I mean really think about it… which dress did _you_ prefer?”

Clarke’s mouth opened but the easy answer she was expecting didn’t come forth. She remembered loving how Octavia had _said_ the red dress looked, she remembered feeling more mature when wearing it but… not comfortable. The blue one had been simpler, closer to her usual style and preference but more refined. When she had put it on it had felt more fitted, easier to wear, she had felt more like herself.

“The blue one.” Clarke whispered staring wide eyed at her mother, the beginning of a realisation stirring.

“Uh huh.” Abby smiled as she settled back in her chair.  

“You knew? How? I was so adamant…”, Clarke mumbled, her perspective of her mother starting to shift ever so slightly.

“When you put on the red dress… you didn’t smile like you were truly happy.” Abby replied with a light shrug of her shoulders.

“Then why… why didn’t you just call me out on it…? Why… do your interrogation routine thing?” Clarke spluttered.

The smile on Abby’s face dimmed as her eyes glazed over for a second, “Because, I never wanted to tell you what to do. My parents did that to me my entire childhood. I never got a say in what I wore, what I eat, what I did after school, who I was friends with…” Clarke’s heart clenched as she was forced to truly imagine the childhood her mother had gone through. A childhood lacking any sort of freedom or choice. “I never wanted that for you.” Abby confessed, “I never wanted to tell you that you couldn’t do something. I wanted you to be able to do whatever you wanted… as long as you had really thought it through. I wanted you to have the freedom to decide and I did what I had to do to ensure you never felt like you wasted that.”

The penny dropped in that moment, the earth that had begun to shift on its axis as her mum forced her to think back finally found its new equilibrium. “You weren’t questioning me because you thought I was making the wrong decision…”

“No.” Abby stated, “It was never about _me_ thinking you had made the wrong choice.”

“You were making me feel confident. Making me become secure in it.”

Abby nodded, “You only ever come to me when you think you’ve made up your mind… you needed me to be your final check. Ask you the questions that you needed to hear.”

Clarke bit her lip as her eyes began to sting.

_She never thought I was making the wrong choice, all she ever did was make me aware of my own uncertainty._

“I thought…”, Clarke croaked unable to voice the perspective change she had just experienced.

“I know what you thought... “, Abby assured sadly, “And I am so sorry that you ever thought I didn’t believe in you or trust that you were making the right decisions. I am so proud of you, Clarke, of the person you have grown up to be. You don’t need me to be your final check anymore. You know how to handle the big decisions, I truly believe that.” And with that sentiment Abby got up from her chair and went round the desk to scoop her daughter up into the tightest hug they had shared in years.

“I love you, Mum.” Clarke mumbled into her mother’s shoulder where her head was currently resting.

“I love you too, Clarke.” Abby responded squeezing Clarke even tighter as she did so.

After a minute or so they pulled away from one another and wiped their respective tears.

“Not that I don’t love that we have turned a corner in our relationship but, I have to admit that I still don’t know what to do about Aden.” Clarke reminded Abby lightly, the minor humour in her words landing this time.

Abby chuckled as she patted her daughter’s shoulder encouragingly prior to returning to her seat. “Okay, I didn’t know it would get that emotionally heavy but, I swear, that there was a point to what I was saying.” Abby settled back down, “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to take a page out of your book and tell you another story.”

“Can’t you just give me the answer?” Clarke groaned overdramatically, “You just affirmed that I’m an adult, can we skip the lesson and get straight to the result.”

Abby laughed, “You may be an adult but you still always learn best when you figure it all out for yourself. It’s one of your best features.” The expression of fondness, pride and affection that Clarke now recognised for what it was on her mother’s face had the blonde blushing embarrassedly. “When Lexa was nine, she was struggling with her maths homework. She wasn’t getting much, or should I say any,” The ever-present and familiar fury that Abby had over how negligent Lexa’s foster parents had been seeped into her tone as she spoke, “support from home. There was even talk of her being held back a year by the teachers.”

That comment had Clarke sitting up straighter in her seat, “I didn’t know that.”

“She didn’t want you to know.” Abby revealed with a sympathetic gaze. “She was scared that you would think she was stupid and wouldn’t want to be her friend anymore.”

Clarke began vehemently denying this and Abby was forced to wave her hands repeatedly in front of her daughter to stop her rant.

“It was twenty years ago, just let it go!” Abby ordered as Clarke grumbled, already planning on cornering Lexa when she got back and telling she would always be friends with her no matter how much she struggled with math.

_Which might seem rather out of the blue… especially if that’s the first thing I say to her after she’s been away on a super dangerous mission..._

“Yeah, alright, I see your point.” Clarke relented, pouting as she did so, still planning to bring this up with Lexa but maybe after she’d been back for more than an hour or so….

“Anyway,” Abby emphasised the word to bring back Clarke’s fading attention, “I found out about this because I always used to ask Lexa how she was finding school. I showed an interest in most of her life so she felt comfortable enough to mention her problem. I offered to tutor her a couple of days a week after school at the library.”

“Really?” Clarke asked amazed, unaware that her childhood best friend and mother had kept this secret from her for years.

“Really.” Abby repeated, a wistful smiling appearing on her face. “Tuesdays and Thursdays every week since Lexa was nine until her final exams in high school.”

“Holy shit.” Clarke swore, “Wow, anymore revelations I should be aware of. Do I have a twin sister that you keep in the attic?”

“No… it’s a twin brother and we keep him in the basement, it’s warmer in there than the attic.” Abby shot back with an amused smirk.

“Soooo… let me get this straight... your current advice is to force Aden to spend time with me doing homework, right? Because, I’m going to be completely honest and say, I don’t think that is going to go down as well as you think it might.” Clarke joked returning to the topic at hand.

Abby rolled her eyes in response, “That’s all merely the background, setting the scene if you will. At first, tutoring Lexa was easy, she turned up on time, she was eager to do well and wanted nothing more than to get better. And she did… but… after sometime she began to struggle again and didn’t improve as quickly. She told me it was pointless. That she couldn’t get better and that I had been wasting my time trying to help her. She said she didn’t want my help anymore.” For the first time since her mother had walked in, she took her eyes off Clarke and stared off at some random point in the distance. “I refuted everything she said, told her that helping her was never a waste of time. I, then, promised her that I wouldn’t stop turning up at the library at our agreed time. That I would always be there for her.”

Abby paused as she began to play with the wedding ring on her finger, Clarke remained silent as her mum was pulled into the past and back to the moment where Lexa believed she wasn’t worth the time. Clarke’s chest ached at the thought and the realisation that she had been unaware of her best friend’s strife.

“It took a month for Lexa to come back to the library.” Abby revealed in a quiet voice.

“You kept going even though she didn’t.” Clarke didn’t ask, she already knew that was what her mum would have done. Abby had sat twice a week in the library on her own waiting for Lexa to turn up.

“Of course, she needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere. She needed me to turn up.”

Clarke breathed in deeply, “You never gave me or Lexa what we said we wanted… you figured out what we needed and gave us that instead.”

Abby positively beamed, “I told you, you learn best when you figure it out for yourself.”

* * *

 

“Bellamy, what the hell is going on?” Clarke demanded as she ran up the front steps of the middle school to where Bellamy was waiting for her anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Aden punched another kid.” Bellamy revealed, pulling open the main doors and ushering Clarke inside.

“He did WHAT?” Clarke squawked, shocked to the core. Aden was one of the least confrontational kids that Clarke had ever met.

“If it makes you feel any better, the other kid provoked him and if you asked me he definitely deserved it.” Bellamy murmured keeping his voice low so as not to be picked up by anyone in the classrooms they were passing.

“Oddly enough it does.” Clarke whispered back, unsure if that was the proper reaction or not, “Can you just tell me the whole story?”

Bellamy came to a stop and pulled Clarke into a nearby empty classroom so as not to be overheard. “Aden has been acting off all day, but the teachers have been giving him some leeway as Lexa phoned me yesterday to let me know what was going on and to ask me to keep an eye on Aden.”

“Wait, she did?” Clarke asked taken aback.

_Of course, Lexa ensured Aden was taken care of at school. Damn it! I should have thought to phone the school, or at least Bellamy, as well._

“Yeah.” Bellamy affirmed trying to brush past Clarke’s query as quickly as possible. “Aden hadn’t been paying attention in class, giving the teachers attitude…. In other words being you as a child.” Clarke shot her old friend a dark glare that had Bellamy flinching and muttering ‘tough crowd’ under his breath which Clarke purposefully chose to ignore. “Before lunch, though, he swore at a teacher and got pulled into the principal’s office who, knowing the situation, gave Aden a warning. He seemed to try harder after that, I don’t think he actually wanted to get in trouble, he just snapped. But then, it got to gym class and Aaron began making comments about how Lexa had skipped town and was going to leave him behind.”

“What a little shit.” The insult sprung forth with ease and Clarke didn’t feel even a fluttering of guilt over it, “How does he even know Lexa’s left town?”

“His father is Carl Emerson.” Bellamy revealed.

“That dickhead!” Clarke spat in growing anger.

“Hey, language! This is still a school, you know, with kids in it.” Bellamy admonished as he flapped his hands for Clarke to decrease her volume.

“Okay!” Clarke whispered so harshly that it still came out at the same volume as before. Bellamy deflated in defeat as he decided to pick his battles. “So, Emerson 2.0 was being a complete and total S-H-I-T so Aden punched him.”

“Clarke, the kids are in middle school, they can spell.” Bellamy reminded her causing Clarke to simply roll her eyes and gesture for him to carry on. “And no, Aden didn’t punch him then, Charlotte managed to step in and convince Aden to walk away. However, as Aden did that, Aaron said that if Lexa did come back…. It would be in a body bag.” Bellamy winced as he said the words, and Clarke’s hands turned into fists at her sides. “Then Aden punched him.” Bellamy tacked on as if it was an after-thought.

Clarke wanted to hunt down Aaron and shake some sense into the kid but knew that probably wouldn’t go down well with… anyone. Clarke, forced down the burning fury inside of herself as she asked in as calm a voice as she could manage that still came out rather terse, “Alright, what does this mean?”

“Aaron is in detention for this week and the next… as is Aden.” Bellamy raised his hands in a placating manner as Clarke felt herself inflate with a growing argument she was about to spew out, “Clarke, there is zero tolerance for violence and for bullying in this school. Aaron is being punished for bullying but Aden has to be punished for retaliating like that, no matter the circumstances.”

Clarke felt the hot air steadily go out of her, “Aaron’s definitely getting an equal punishment, right?”

“Yes.” Bellamy affirmed.

“Okay, fine. Can I see Aden, now?” Clarke pleaded.

“Yeah and you can take him home, if you want.” Bellamy offered with a sympathetic expression as he began to guide Clarke the rest of the way to the main office.

* * *

 

Clarke’s hands gripped and ungripped the steering wheel, stealing glances at the silent child in the passenger seat. Picking Aden up from the office involved being lectured by the principal for a good fifteen minutes (which Clarke found completely unnecessary) and signing a couple of forms. Thankfully when Lexa had phoned Bellamy about being out of town, he had sorted it so Clarke was down as someone who could pick Aden up from school. Clarke had muttered a thousand thank yous for Bellamy’s forethinking.

Aden hadn’t said so much as a word to her but he had brightened a little bit when he saw that Clarke had come to get him and he rushed straight to her, only stopping himself at the last second from hugging her. Those minor glimpses of Aden underneath his stony expression provided hope and much needed relief to Clarke.

_What does he need?_

_What can I do for him?_

“Ade?” Clarke asked gently as they got closer to the house.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Aden responded quickly, his head dipping low. Clarke deflated at the instant rejection but forced herself to brush it off.

As the car got closer and closer to the house, Clarke watched in dismay as Aden hunched further and further in on himself. Clarke realised how painful it must be for Aden to be in the house that he and his mother had decorated and personalised themselves. The house that Lexa had promised would be his permanent home. The house that Lexa had promised him a future in. Clarke kicked herself for not thinking about it earlier especially considering she couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere near Lexa’s bedroom after only their one night together.  

“Screw this.” Clarke mumbled under her breath causing Aden to look up at her in confusion as she sped the car up and drove past ‘Polis Hill House’.

“Where are we going?” Aden questioned as Clarke spun the car around and began to head to the outskirts of town.

Clarke looked over at Aden and was gifted with the first proper view of his soulful blue eyes that he had kept hidden since Lexa had left. His eyes were scared, and unequivocally lonely. Clarke’s heart shattered at the sight of the emotions hidden inside this undeserving child.

Clarke forced a small, reassuring smile, “There’s somewhere I think you should see.”

* * *

 

**Eleven Years Ago**

 

Clarke, seated at one of the tables at the back of the gym, played with the hem of her blue prom dress as she watched her friends. Monty and Jasper were trying to secretly spike the punch (a teacher across the room was shaking her head in exasperation as she watched them completely fail at being subtle). Octavia was dancing between two guys who were on the edge of fistfighting to get her on her own. Bellamy, who was supposedly chaperoning, was talking to one of his old teachers about his interest in becoming a teacher himself. Clarke’s date (Charlie the quarterback) was making out with a cheerleader in the back corner of the gym thinking the reduced lighting made him invisible. Even with all that going on, though, Clarke found that her eyes kept consistently being pulled back to one particular sight.

Murphy, dressed in a cheap, pale blue, rented suit that Clarke knew Lexa had organised for him, was slow dancing with Emori. The couple was barely moving, simply taking a few steps forward and a few steps back, but Clarke found the sight mesmerising purely because of the expressions on the couple’s faces. Murphy, who Clarke could’ve sworn she’d never seen actually smile, was practically beaming as he stared into Emori’s bright eyes. They were fully enraptured with each other and Clarke couldn’t explain the tightness she was experiencing in her chest at the sight of them.

For some reason it made her miss Lexa even more.

Lexa had decided not to go to prom. She had claimed it was because she didn’t like the cheesy high school tradition and she hated dancing as well. Octavia thought that it was because Lexa would be the only one without a date but Clarke knew this wasn’t the case as she was fairly confident that Lexa had used the only money she had for a dress to rent Murphy’s suit instead. Lexa had always been a hopeless romantic, especially when it came to Murphy who she felt deserved true love more than anyone else.

The prom had only been going for an hour and Clarke was bored and wishing she was curled up with Lexa watching disney films as they normally did on nights like this. Clarke watched as Murphy leaned down and placed a quick kiss on Emori’s lips who giggled delightfully at his tender action.

“Screw this.” Clarke muttered as she got to her feet and strode out of the gym. She didn’t really know where she was going or what had finally spurred her to actually leave.

It seemed though her feet had a surer purpose than the rest for her because twenty minutes later, Clarke found herself standing outside a slightly rundown bungalow on the edge of town that backed onto the surrounding forests. The porch light was flickering, on the point of dying out, the paint was peeling, one of the front windows was broken and had been covered up by chipboard and newspaper. The front lawn was overgrown with weeds and the grass hadn’t been trimmed in years most likely.

Without hesitating or stopping to question herself, Clarke hitched up her dress, jumped the waist high chain link fence and tiptoed over to the smallest back window that was illuminated by a dim light and from which a radio could be heard playing light, melodic music. “Lexa?” Clarke called out, tapping on the window gently.

The outdated, moth-eaten curtains that covered the windows were yanked back immediately revealing a wide-eyed Lexa in oversized pyjamas. “Clarke? What are you doing here?” Lexa whispered, beginning to push open the window before stopping all of a sudden. Clarke blinked in bewilderment as Lexa seemed to go rigid.

“What? What’s wrong?” Clarke asked worried that she had disturbed her best friend’s peace due to how tense she’d gone.

Lexa choked in a breath before lifting her gaze up to Clarke’s eyes and reverently murmuring, “Wow, you look beautiful.”

Clarke had no control over the blush that ran down her entire body at Lexa’s words and the way she had said it as if Clarke was genuinely breathtaking. “Thanks.” Clarke mumbled in return, ducking her gaze as, for some unfathomable reason, she was unable to face the piercing green eyes staring so sincerely at her.

“Shouldn’t you be at prom?” Lexa asked evenly, her head tilting in concern, “Did something happen? Did Charlie do something?”

“No, nothing like that, don’t worry.” Clarke reassured as she stepped back from the window.

“Then why are-”

“I missed you.” Clarke answered, “Everything’s better if you’re there.”

Lexa stared at Clarke for a long time before ducking back into her room and disappearing from sight.

“Uh… Lexa?” Clarke called aloud, distressed by Lexa’s sudden disappearance. The only answer Clarke received was the music being turned up louder as if to drown her out. For some reason, that hurt far more than seeing her date get with someone else. Before Clarke had even a chance to try and figure out that particular emotional response, Lexa was clambouring out of the window barefoot. “Steady there.” Clarke laughed as she held out a hand to prevent Lexa from tumbling to the ground.

Lexa bounced back onto her feet and gave Clarke a shy smile, “Sorry about that.”

Clarke shook her head in amusement, “What’s with the music?”

Lexa ducked her head and her shoulders curled inwards in her signature sign of embarrassment and nervousness. “I- err- I was thinking… since it’s prom…”, Lexa held out a slightly shaky hand to Clarke.

Clarke stared at Lexa’s calloused palm and felt the tightness that had been in her chest since watching Murphy and Emori ease and lessen. Clarke kicked off her heels that were sinking into the grass before slowly placing her hand on top of Lexa’s and gently positioning her other hand onto Lexa’s shoulder close to her neck. Lexa squeezed their joined hands before she placed her own hand on Clarke’s hip.

Clarke and Lexa both looked down at their feet, took a deep breath and stepped forward at the same time.

“Ow.” They both muttered under their breaths as they stepped on each other’s toes.

“Okay, umm… you step left and I’ll step right.” Clarke suggested, her eyes glittering with affection as Lexa bit her lip guiltily before nodding determinedly, retightening her grip on Clarke’s hip, and staring down at the ground.

“Left… right… left… right…”, Clarke directed quietly under her breath in time with the music playing. As Clarke became more comfortable with the movement, her attention shifted from her feet to the girl she was dancing with. Lexa had rolled up the bottoms of overly long pyjamas, her fingers kept shifting on Clarke’s hip as if unsure where the proper placement was. Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth, a crease had appeared on her forehead and her green eyes seemed to be radiant whenever they flicked up from the ground to check on Clarke.

Clarke’s hand slipped around the back of Lexa’s neck and pulled their bodies closer together, Lexa’s own hand shifted automatically from Clarke’s hip to her lower back. The sudden change of closeness had Lexa shuddering for a moment before lifting her head to stare at Clarke.

Their movement became slower, and more of a sway as they danced but they settled into it easily.

Lexa glanced down at her threadbare, thrift store bought pyjamas, her face blushing in shame, “I’m sorry, I don’t quite match up to-”

“You look perfect.” The words slipped out without Clarke even noticing. The thought had barely even registered in her mind before she had spoken it out loud.  

Lexa froze for a second, and an inexplicable fear like Clarke had never experienced ran through her. That fear, though, vanished when Lexa finally looked back up at her and gave Clarke the most breathtaking smile she had ever seen.

* * *

**Present Day**

 

“Where are we?”Aden asked curiously as he peered out the windows of the car.

Clarke cut the engine as she stared out the windscreen at the bungalow that had become truly rundown and abandoned over the past few years. “This was your Ma’s home when she was growing up.”

Aden’s head whipped around to look at her in shock before returning to really examine the building in front of him. “She grew up there?” Aden said incredulously, shifting in his seat to get a better look.

“Yeah, and before you ask it didn’t look as bad as it does now when Lexa was living there… I mean it didn’t look great but the roof was intact…”, Clarke rambled in a vain attempt to make the place seem slightly less bleak.

“Her foster parents…”, Aden began uncertainly.

“They don’t live here anymore. I’m pretty sure my mum ran them out of town… or killed them, no one really knows and we’re all too afraid to ask.” Clarke said only half-joking resulting in Aden staring at her with an alarmed expression. “I’m joking,” Clarke added but couldn’t stop herself from muttering under her breath, “...I hope…”

“Why did you bring me here?” Aden asked bluntly as he pushed down the momentary flash of amusement he had experienced.

Clarke sighed as she sunk down in her seat and stared at the place that was never a home to her best friend. “Last week, I found out how epically I had failed your Ma.” Aden’s eyes narrowed at her in suspicion, “Lexa never knew until she saw those photo albums that she was a part of my family. That she was wanted and loved.” Aden’s dark gaze softened ever so slightly as he listened to Clarke talk. “I promised myself that I would never let her think otherwise ever again.”

Clarke turned in her seat so she was facing Aden, her expression hard and set, completely unwilling to accept anything to the contrary about what she was going to say next, “I also promised myself that I would never let _you_ think otherwise either.”

Aden stared at her, his eyes flickering with vulnerability and apprehension.

“Listen, very carefully to me Ade. If there is only one thing, I say that you take to heart. Only one thing you truly believe, please let it be this.” Clarke pleaded, reaching out to gently stroke Aden’s cheek. “You will never be alone again. You will always be loved. And you will always have a home.”

Aden’s eyes welled up and his bottom lip began to wobble, “You don’t know that…”

“Yes, I do.” Clarke replied seriously. “I promised you that I’m not going anywhere and I meant it. But it’s not just me. Lincoln would go to hell and back for you. My parents have already pinned pictures of you to the fridge. You are Bellamy’s favourite student and he’s got your back whether you know it or not. And not to mention Murphy who would single handedly take on the world for any of Lexa’s family.” The tears broke free and slid down Aden’s cheeks as he began to sob. “You will never be alone again.” Clarke reaffirmed before Aden threw himself forward and into Clarke’s arms.

“I’m sorry…”, Aden gasped out as her burrowed into Clarke’s embrace.

“I know, I know…”, Clarke murmured as she stroked Aden’s back. “It’ll all be okay. There is nothing on this Earth that will stop your Ma from coming back home.”

Aden curled up and cried for a long time, steadily in choked out whispers revealing how scared and alone he had felt. Clarke felt a jab of pain with every confession and how she had failed to help earlier. Once Aden had run out of words but not tears, Clarke went to her often employed remedy for pain.

Stories. All of them about Lexa.

Some Aden had already heard but Clarke retold them as she knew they were his favourites.

They were parked outside the rundown house for hours. It took a long time but the flag story got Aden to crack a smile, and not long after that the story about the school play had him laughing. As the sun disappeared, Clarke became aware of Aden’s rumbling stomach. Aden had pouted and muttered that he hadn’t been hungry over the past day so hadn’t eaten much. Clarke had smiled, put the car in gear and driven to the local store to buy ingredients for a quick pasta dish and to stock up on ice cream (Aden gave her the widest grin since Lexa had left at that addition to the shopping).

They had returned back to the house, and before Aden had a chance to protest, Clarke retrieved blankets and pillows to pile up on the sofa informing Aden that _she_ needed a disney and ice cream night. Whilst they cooked dinner together (Clarke noticed that Aden didn’t seem to trust her around any open flames), Clarke shot off texts to Lincoln, her mum, dad and Bellamy letting them know that Aden was doing better. All of her text recipients instantly replied with pleased messages and the desire for further information and to know when they could see Aden next.

After food, the two blondes curled up and watched disney films before falling asleep next to each other on the sofa.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Clarke woke up groggily and reached out for her phone on the coffee table, pulling it to her ear without looking to see who it was in her half-asleep state. “Mm… hello?”

“Clarke.” Her mother’s voice that was carried over the line was so serious Clarke felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dropped over her.

“What’s going on?”

* * *

 

Clarke and Aden leaped out of the car as soon as it was parked and ran into the hospital. Lincoln arrived at the same time they did and met them at the main doors that Lincoln barrelled through without pausing. Abby was in the waiting room a nervous expression on her face. “Which room?” Lincoln demanded the second he was within hearing distance of Abby.

“First on the left.” Abby replied seeing that Lincoln had no intention of stopping for anything. Aden and Clarke followed in his wake, Abby moving to walk beside her daughter, “Clarke, there’s something you should-”

The hospital room door swung open at that moment revealing a haggard looking Raven who now had a couple of stitches adorning her forehead. Raven jumped back at the sudden appearance of so many people and held the door open to allow everyone inside.

Abby had phoned less than thirty minutes ago informing Clarke that an ambulance transporting Anya to the Skyark hospital would be arriving in the next twenty minutes or so. Abby wasn’t clear on Anya’s injuries other than she was stable enough to move and that she was the only one injured.

Aden pushed his way into the hospital room his face lighting up as he saw, “Aunt Anya!” laid out in the bed, her eyes open and her smile watery.

“Gremlin.” Anya greeted as joyfully as she could in her weakened state. Aden rushed towards his Aunt’s bed, Lincoln not far behind, happy tears trailing down the big man’s face. “Lincoln.” Anya said with a faux stern voice and an attempt at her normal eyebrow raise.

Clarke stayed back as the extended family was reunited, instead moving to pull Raven into a tight hug as her eyes roved round the room seeking out a pair of familiar green eyes. “Are you okay?” Clarke asked as she squeezed her best friend tighter.

“I’m fine, seriously. Though, you no longer have the monopoly on Lexa stories by the way.” Raven joked as she pulled away from Clarke, a guilty expression flitting across her face.

Raven couldn’t meet Clarke’s eyes and that was what caused the sinking feeling in Clarke’s stomach, “Raven…”, Clarke whispered her eyes narrowing as she gripped Raven’s upper arms in a vice-like grip, “Where’s Lexa?”


	25. Queenfall (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be longest one yet so I have decided to split into two. This is the first half, will aim to have the second half up by next week. 
> 
> Yes, I will be updating more regularly for the forseeable future. I got my motivation back. :)

**Six years Ago**

 

Costia rummaged through her clutch bag, pulled out her purse, hurriedly paid for the taxi and more or less ran to her front door. The dark expression on Ontari’s face was seared into the forefront of Costia’s mind. For the entire journey back, Costia glanced constantly out of the back window for the sight of an intimidating 4x4 bearing down on her, Costia’s phone was out in her hand, her code-word primed and ready to be sent at so much as a glimpse of an Azgeda member. 

As soon as Costia was inside the sanctity of her own home, she slammed the two hefty locks and deadbolt into place then slid down to the floor, resting her back against the now secure front door and kicking her heels off and to the side. 

She forced herself to get control of her panicked thoughts and rapid breathing. 

_ You’re overreacting. _

_ Ontari didn’t see anything. And even if she did… why would she care? _

_ She hasn’t liked you from the start.  _

_ That’s all it is. _

_ You’re- _

Costia’s head jerked up as she heard the familiar creak of a floorboard from upstairs. Fear trickled down her spine as she slowly, and as silently as possible, got to her feet, eyeing the dark staircase directly in front of her.

The house Costia was living in whilst undercover was a simple set-up. 

It was a two-storey terraced house, the front door fed directly into a long hallway, immediately on the right was an opening in the wall that led to a small living room with a simple two-seater sofa and singular armchair. At the end of the hallway was an overly cluttered kitchen which backed onto a tiny garden composed only of concrete and dirt. The stairs to the first floor were tucked away to the left of the main hallway and led up to an open corridor with a banister around the stairs. The main bathroom was directly opposite the top step, one reasonable-sized bedroom was the first door as you follow the hallway around the stairs, and finally there was a more child-sized bedroom that Costia used for storage situated above the front door and at the end of the passageway.

Costia hadn’t turned on any of lights since returning home so was staring blindly up the darkened stairs, unable to see the bathroom door normally visible in the light. She decided to leave the lights off, her eyes having begun to adjust to the darkness since sitting in the hallway and recognising the advantage the darkness would provide with regards to moving stealthily around. She carefully stepped forward, purposefully avoiding the wooden boards that would squeak with the slightest weight placed upon them. She tread up the stairs, her back against the wall to prevent any surprises as she peered through the wooden banisters on the first floor hallway. 

Costia’s heart thundered in her chest, her blood roaring in her ears as she reached the top step and decisively flicked on the upper hallway light. Costia squinted at the sudden brightness as her head whipped left and right for even the slightest indication of an intruder. 

_ Nothing. _

Costia exhaled deeply, her heart stuttering back to a more acceptable rhythm with the passage of time and as she began to believe that no hockey masked, axe-wielding psycho was going to jump out at her. To fully reassure herself she checked the bathroom and the bedrooms closely. Once sure that she was alone, Costia retreated to the bathroom, and turned on the taps to begin drawing a bath. The water streamed out loudly and violently, hitting the bottom of the white tub creating a cacophony of noise. 

The poor water pressure meant it would take a considerable amount of time for the tub to fill. Whilst waiting Costia decided to head downstairs to make a hot drink; she pulled the bathroom door closed to trap the steam and heat from dissipating before heading downstairs. She put the kettle onto boil and checked though her work emails. The sound of running water from the room above was barely audible over the rapidly boiling and bubbling kettle. Eventually, Costia set her phone down on the counter, deciding to forsake replying until she was back at her work computer and desk, allowing her mind to wander and drift away from the small town she was currently trapped in, to instead envision the future. 

Costia had plans. 

She’d had plans for a long time. 

And those plans had begun the second she had laid eyes on the cold, sharp-jawed, brooding, green-eyed Lexa Woods. 

Admittedly, the first part of her plan had taken a lot longer than she had originally anticipated. 

Step one: ask Lexa out. 

Costia’s smile twitched into a grin as she remembered how the hardened agent had sulked at the thought of Costia being interested in Roan. Costia’s heart raced and her skin tingled reliving that ghost of a kiss Lexa had placed on her cheek. 

_ She had said yes. _

Costia would never admit it to anyone but she had already planned out their first date. 

She knew exactly where she was going to take Lexa. 

She had even picked out her outfit. 

Her parents had taught her from a young age that if you truly, truly want something... picture it in your mind. Craft the picture. Use the brightest and most vibrant colours you can. Add details, large and small. Refine it. Perfect it. And once that image is burned into your mind. Keep it there. Use it to fuel you. To motivate you. Go out and make that picture a reality. 

And that’s what she had done. She had seen Lexa on their first day and the picture had appeared unbidden. It had developed and built itself with every shared conversation, with every smile she had pulled out from under the commander’s mask.

She would pick Lexa up in the mustang, offer her the keys ( _ she adores my car no matter how much she tries to hide it _ ). Lexa’s face would light up with glee for a fraction of a second but it would be more than enough for Costia to know Lexa was overwhelmingly pleased to be trusted with driving. She would then direct Lexa to take them to her favourite small steak restaurant and one of the best kept secrets in Washington. Dinner would be followed by a walk around the washington monument and the lincoln memorial. Lexa would be gallant as always and offer her jacket when Costia began to shiver. The night would finish with them listening to the busker violinist that played in the park every evening.

And maybe… just maybe… if Costia pictured it hard enough… she would get that goodnight kiss she had dreamed about.

Click.

The kettle finished boiling, jolting her out of her fantasy. She quickly made up a steaming cup of chamomile tea, the sounds of running water loud and apparent in the background. WIth one hand gripping the mug tightly, Costia walked comfortably back through the house and confidently up the stairs. 

It wasn’t until she reached the top step that she noticed it.

Steam was wafting into the corridor laboriously. 

The sound of water was louder than it should have been.

Costia climbed the stairs and found the bathroom door wide open.

She froze on the spot as she stared at it. 

The figure dressed all in black stepped slowly into her line of sight, a knife pointing to the floor in their hand, glinting malevolently in the light cast from the bathroom. The knife rose deliberately upwards, the tip directed straight at Costia’s heart.

_ I’m not going down without a fight. _

Costia flung the contents of her mug at the balaclava clad intruder, who let out a furious yowl of pain and stumbled forward onto their knees as they were covered in the boiling hot liquid. Costia turned to run down the stairs when she felt a piercing slash of pain to the back of her left thigh causing her to tumble alongside her assailant who had over-reached in their attempt to stab her. 

Their two bodies twisted and turned over one another, landing in a bruised heap on the ground floor. Costia scrambled to her feet, her left leg constantly giving out underneath her and splashing large droplets of blood every time she flexed the muscle even slightly. The attacker had flown the furthest from the bottom step, banging resoundingly against the heavy front door due to a well-timed strike by Costia during their descent down the stairs. 

Costia limped as fast as she could down the hallway to the kitchen. The attacker meanwhile grunted and staggered to their feet, reaffirming their grip on their weapon before stalking after Costia. Costia swept up her phone from the counter before rushing to unlock the deadbolt on the backdoor. As her hand found the door handle, an arm wrapped around her neck yanking her viciously backwards. All the air rushed out off her as her throat was tightly squeezed. Costia struggled to get any air into her lungs, her vision beginning to darken when she saw a steely glint in her peripheral vision. The knife in her attacker’s hand came swinging round in a long arc to stab into her chest. 

Costia let her subconscious take over and make use of everything she had learned during the multiple hand-to-hand combat lessons she had been given by Anya and Lexa. Her right hand (tightly fisted around her phone) tucked under the forearm of the one wrapped around her neck whilst her left hand swung backwards in a vicious palm-strike to her assailant’s nose at the same time as her right foot lashed out at their knee.

The kick to the knee caused the attacker to lose momentum in bringing around the knife and for the arm around Costia’s neck to loosen enough for her to wrench herself free, grab the door handle and pull it open. She ran into the concrete backyard, her bare feet instantly feeling the effects of the cold night air and the harsh, broken ground, the soles of her feet prickling uncomfortably. The adrenaline in Costia’s system, though, numbed all of this. 

Numbed the sharp bite of the cold.

Numbed the gashing open wound on the back of her leg that was leaving a crimson trail behind her. 

Numbed the tight pain around her throat as she pulled in grateful breaths of air. 

Costia ran. 

Ran straight at the brick wall surrounding the backyard. The excessive energy brought on by her fight against death gave her the power she needed to push off using her right leg and get the top half off her body to clear the wall. Her stomach slammed into the top of the wall, leaving her winded as her hands clung desperately to the bricks on the other side to her legs. Her hands pushed against the grimy stones in the hope of providing the momentum she needed to topple over to freedom. 

It was as she fell forward, seconds away from freedom, that she experienced a pain like nothing she had ever felt before on her right side above her hip. 

Visceral and torturous.  

Costia thought, for a second that felt like an eternity, that she might have been cut in half. The pain increased tenfold as the knife buried inside her was cruelly twisted and torn free, the now crimson blade was brought back to strike again and give the deathly blow.

It was this realisation that gave Costia the strength she needed to strike out with her good leg, catching her attacker in the throat and causing them to drop to the floor. The push against the all in black figure provided the final bit of momentum needed to clear the wall, and Costia dropped with a sickening thud to the other side.

* * *

**Present Day**

 

“I still can’t believe you found her.”

“I said I would, didn’t I?” Lexa coolly shot back as she stalked towards Nyko and the base of operations that the FBI agents had constructed near to the fishing store where Anya had gone missing. In the space of twenty-four hours since Lexa had last been there, the FBI had fully taken over the area and made themselves at home. The FBI’s command centre consisted of a convoy of black range rovers parked around the area and a large military-esque tent that was housing paper strewn tables and heavy duty computer equipment. A handful of agents had been bustling throughout the area but all slowed down their pace to linger within earshot of Lexa’s reunion with Nyko.

Nyko stared at her with a mixture of disbelief and awe. His jaw moved up and down without anyone words coming forth. Lexa rolled her eyes as she stepped up to stand directly in front of the dumbstruck agent.

“Update.” Lexa commanded, refusing to beat around the bush and indulge in Nyko’s sudden case of hero worship.

Nyko straightened up instantly, trying to put back on an expression of professionalism but the gratefulness in his eyes shone out exceptionally bright in comparison to his emotionless voice. “I sent Agents Matthews and Chen to meet Anya and Raven at the hospital.” Lexa nodded thoughtfully at the names of the agents, remembering them in a vague sense from the last couple of years of working at the bureau. They had been newbies at the time but had already crafted a reputation for being dour, serious and playing by the rules. Lexa trusted that they would keep Anya and Raven safe. “They phoned in a few minutes ago, Anya is being transported this morning and they will stay with her at the new location until told otherwise.” Lexa felt a flicker of relief wash over her at that moment. 

_ They’re going home. _

After sending Raven and Anya on their way, Lexa had stashed Ontari's SUV away from the motel and returned to her now very quiet room, acutely aware of the the mechanic’s absence, and immediately phoned Nyko, updating him on everything that had happened, requesting two trustworthy agents to oversee Anya’s protection and for him to go and investigate where the run in with Ontari had taken place. Once Nykyo had agreed to Lexa’s requests, she had promised to come in and give a full debrief in the morning. Upon hanging up, Lexa allowed herself an indulgent long and hot shower to wash away the grime and stress of the search. 

The image of Anya’s unconscious body with blood trickling down her arm and her neck horribly bruised and swollen would stick with Lexa for the rest of her life. Of that she was sure, but she also knew taking down the Queens would reduce how often she would be forced to relive that moment in her dreams. Lexa needed a plan but exhaustion and the crash following her adrenaline rush earlier had her crawling into bed, after blocking the door with some furniture to provide the security she needed to fall asleep.

The next day, Lexa had dressed efficiently in black jeans, black boots, white t-shirt and black leather jacket. Before leaving, Lexa had ensured her gun was clipped securely to her side and fully loaded, she also made sure to grab her pair of aviator sunglasses with reflective lenses knowing that if she was to meet the director, she wanted to limit the older woman’s ability to read her expressions as much as possible. 

“Good.” Lexa stated neutrally, giving nothing away in response to Nyko’s good news.

Nyko sighed as he glanced around at the agents purposefully listening in before speaking much more quietly, “We also retrieved two bodies from the woods. Colin and Frank McCormack.”

A dull hollowness appeared in Lexa’s stomach, and she deliberately turned her head away from Nyko to stare at the rising sun, through the protective lenses of her sunglasses, now just visible through the rising trees. “I’m guessing they’re the Weasley twins. I thought I only killed one of them.” Lexa muttered resignedly.

“One of them looks like they had been executed.” Nyko revealed, watching her closely, “Point blank shot to the forehead.” 

“Ontari.” Lexa growled out ever so slightly, “Seems she still treats people who fail her the same way. Any sign of her? You must have enough to arrest her this time.”

“We do with yours and Anya’s statement. Issue is... she’s vanished. We’re searching her house as we speak, but haven’t found any leads yet.” Nyko explained, adding hopefully on the end, “But, we’ll get her. There’s no way she’s wriggling out of it this time.”

Lexa wasn’t sure she believed that. 

Ontari had too many shields, too many people she could throw into the fire and take the wrap for her. Ontari had gotten away the last time by setting up so many others to take the fall for her instead that she walked away scot free despite the evidence Lexa had gathered whilst working as her second in command. They needed to take out Nia if they wanted to take out the family. Nia was the mastermind that could pull Ontari out of the tightest of spots. 

Lexa could already see Nia spinning the case against Ontari. She would claim Lexa and Anya held a personal vendetta against her daughter and that Ontari had appeared on the scene only to find that Lexa had killed a friend of hers and her actions following this were acts of self-defence. Lexa wouldn’t be surprised if they pushed the other McCormack’s ( _ Weasley twin)  _ death on her considering no one else would have seen her fight with him. Raven had been ducked down in the car and Anya was practically unconscious and nearly dead. The events at the fishing store would also be a no-go, all the witnesses were Azgeda and all would parrot out whatever story Nia fed them to keep Ontari free. 

“We’ll see.” Lexa commented with a harsh frown that had Nyko’s hopeful expression dimming significantly.

“Miss. Woods.” The cold acknowledgement caused Lexa’s muscles to tense up and her posture to straighten impossibly further. The agents that had purposefully been milling around to scope out Lexa, instantly jumped into action and tried to make themselves busy with whatever task was at hand. Lexa blinked her eyes closed, and took a deep, calming breath in before turning to face the older woman dressed smartly and looking completely out of place in the muddy surroundings. The mud, grime and dirt clearly recognised her authority as not a drop dared sully the woman’s pristine and vibrant red dress. 

“Director Johnson.” Lexa greeted coldly, adjusting the sunglasses on her face to provide an excuse for why she didn’t offer her hand to her previous employer to shake. 

“Nyko, weren’t you going to oversee the search at Miss. Queen’s house?” Nia pointedly asked, causing the middle-aged man to blanche considerably and mumble his agreement before doing an about turn and striding away. The director turned the force of her penetrating stare upon Lexa, whose mask hardened even more in response. “This way.” Beca gestured with a controlled movement of her arm, leading Lexa into the command tent where the agents inside immediately made themselves scarce as if Beca had telepathically ordered them to clear out. 

Beca and Lexa remained silent, scrutinising the other for weaknesses and signals whilst waiting for the last agent to clear out, when he finally departed and the canvas flap acting as a door fell into place, only then did Beca move to lean against a table, cross her arms, and allow her mouth to twist into a frown of disgust and disappointment. That expression on her former mentor’s face had cut deep the first time Lexa had been exposed to it, but like everything in the world if you see something enough you begin to adjust to it, its impact decreases and, for Lexa, it barely even registers anymore.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself away.” Beca muttered with a shake of her head.

“I don’t leave my friends behind.” Lexa replied, raising her chin defiantly.

Beca cocked an eyebrow, “Last time I checked your friend had been found and was safely on her way home.” Lexa’s jaw tightened minutely but Beca’s sharp gaze zeroed in on it immediately, “Don’t lie to me, Miss Woods. And especially, don’t lie to yourself.” 

During the very first lesson Beca had given Lexa upon taking a personal interest in developing her as a young agent, she had laid out three key mandates to live by. One had been never lie to yourself. Lying to yourself was like purposefully putting on a blindfold whilst driving down the motorway, you were asking for a devastating accident. Lying to yourself also invited other people to lie to you. Don’t accept falsehoods from anyone, even yourself. 

“It’s Sheriff Woods, not Miss.” Lexa corrected, the purposeful use of Miss the equivalent to a slap in the face from the woman who always called her Agent Woods or Lexa.

Beca smirked ever so slightly, making Lexa acutely aware how she had revealed that Beca was getting under her skin. “I don’t believe this is your jurisdiction,  _ Miss  _ Woods.”

“What do you want, Beca?”

“ _ Director. _ ” Beca reminded, a harsh edge to her voice.

“I don’t believe I work for the FBI anymore,  _ Beca _ .” Beca blinked in surprise at the comeback and smirk. Lexa knew she was being petty but clearly Clarke’s presence in her life was bringing back her more childish, carefree side and she indulged herself by imagining how Clarke would be proudly smirking at and actively encouraging her efforts of disobedience. 

Beca’s nostrils flared and she pushed herself away from the table, taking a decisive step towards Lexa. “You’re right, you don’t work for the FBI anymore. You have no reason for being here. No authority. No part to play in this investigation.” Lexa held her ground refusing to blink or react. “You will give your statement to an agent then you will get out of here and return to your small town and your wasted potential.” 

Lexa remained quiet for a few moments, embracing the calmness before the storm. “No.”

“No?” Beca repeated slowly.

“No.” Lexa stated neutrally, “I was desperate to be like you when I first started at the bureau. Desperate to earn your approval, to make you proud of me. Then… well, you remember.” Lexa shrugged dismissively. “But do you want to know what I realised after I left?”

Beca tilted her head in confusion, for once her ability to read people had abandoned her and she couldn’t see where Lexa was going with this.

“I realised that I didn’t want to be like you. You taught me so much, and I know I’m going to be a good Sheriff of my  _ small  _ town because of you.” Beca could insult Lexa as much as she wanted but Lexa refused to accept any slight remark against her home, “But there are many things you could never teach me. You could never teach me to put family before my work. You could never teach me to fight for those I love. You could never teach me that my life should be more than my job.” Lexa carefully removed her sunglasses, folding them up and hooking them onto the front of her shirt allowing Beca to see the sincerity in her eyes. “You are an amazing director and an incredible mentor. Thing is though, I didn’t want to be an amazing director.” Lexa commented thoughtfully, “I wanted to be a mum who didn’t have to regularly stay late at work. I wanted to be able to look my neighbours in the eye and not think they were killers, rapists or paedophiles. I wanted to be able to go out for a walk and not assume everyone I passed was out to hurt someone. This job was destroying my faith in humanity, so I left it behind.”

“Then why would you stay here?” Beca asked with pursed lips and a narrowed gaze.

“Because the Queens are the equivalent of my old job to the people in this town and more importantly to Anya. If I can help free them of that then I’m not going anywhere and I’ll disobey every order you throw at me.”  Lexa lifted her head high and stared back at Beca with a resolute gaze.

Beca almost imperceptibly ground her teeth together but Lexa saw it and had to fight off the pride that she achieved what she very rarely was able to do - rattle the director. 

“Goodbye, Beca. I hope we can work together on this.” Lexa bid farewell and turned to leave. 

She should have known Beca wouldn’t let her leave without getting the last word in and this time she decided to go straight for the jugular.

“You could never have been like me. Not after Titus.” Beca wielded his name like a weapon, she was the only one that knew the full story, knew exactly where the pressure points were. Lexa froze, her back to Beca, she was determined not to face the older woman, not wishing to give her the satisfaction of seeing the effect her words would have. “That was a lovely spiel, really heartfelt.” Beca sarcastically remarked. “But are you really here for justice or is it vengeance?” 

The question sent a chill down Lexa’s spine and mutterings of disquiet throughout her mind.

Beca stepped up behind Lexa, her words harsh and cutting directly next to her ear. “Never forget my most important mandate, Miss. Woods. Love is weakness.” Lexa’s jaw clenched tightly remembering every time Beca had repeated that mantra to her over the years, she had woven it into Lexa’s DNA and it had taken a long time for Aden to slowly pick it back out of her. Traces of it still remained but Aden now had Clarke’s help to remove the last few remnants. “It’s the difference between justice and vengeance.” 

Lexa hated how true that statement was.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

 

Lexa forced the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth down upon returning to the hotel. 

_ I have a date. _

_ A date with Costia.  _

_ Incredibly smart and sweet Costia. _

_ The Costia, that every agent in the bureau is smitten with. _

Lexa moved swiftly back to the hall Nia had booked out for her charity event, and hovered in the doorway trying to find someone she recognised. Ontari had been avoiding her all night so Lexa assumed she would have to hitch a ride back to her motel with some other gang member. 

“Excuse me.”

Lexa turned her head at the polite request, realising she had been inadvertently blocking the exit. “Roan.” Lexa said his name with a hint of apology as she stepped aside. 

“No problem.” He replied with a light smile despite the exhaustion obviously present in the lines wrinkling his face. He made to walk by her but stopped once he came in line with her, he shifted round to look at her with a creased brow. “I know, me and you haven’t spoken much…”, Lexa glanced at the businessman curiously as he spoke to her in a quiet voice. 

It was true they hadn’t spoken much, Lexa had set herself up as Ontari’s creature and Roan knew better than to show any interest in his sister’s affairs. They had made small talk on numerous occasions despite this due to Ontari dragging her second-in-command along to many of her family’s events and meetings. He had presented himself as courteous and respectful and Lexa had begun to understand why Costia was eager to try and save Roan from his family. However, Lexa had also seen the way he would shrink into the background and never once protest against his family’s violent plans. It was hard to truly like the man when she had seen him avert his gaze so often from the bloodshed in front of him. Lexa, though, had seen enough of Roan’s charm to have feared that Costia’s desire to save Roan had not only been strong enough to overlook these faults but also to have become romantic in undertone. 

Now that she was fully reassured that Costia was interested in her and not the rugged features of the stylish Queen, Lexa had to bite back the petty, smug smirk that threatened to breakthrough whilst he talked to her. 

“But… I just think you should know, that you can do better.” Roan gave Lexa a hard stare, and his mouth upticked into a gentle and encouraging smile.

“Do better?” Lexa questioned back, putting on a sharp edge to maintain character.

“Yeah.” Roan winced slightly at her tone but impressively gathered enough resolve to push forward, much to Lexa’s surprise. “I know Ontari has a certain pull… but there is more to life than what she is offering.” 

“And what would you know about that? Your entire life has been spent taking whatever your mother gives you.” Lexa snarled in return, the commander protecting her from the guilt she would normally feel upon watching Roan deflate and his gaze to fall away. 

“You’re right.” He said dismally, buttoning up his jacket to occupy his hands and to use up some residual nervous energy. “But I plan to change that…” Lexa could hardly hold off the flicker of shock at that statement. 

_ Holy shit, did Costia actually convince him?  _

“And I think you should too.” Roan glanced back up at her with a shy look, “You’re not like Ontari’s other followers, Rachel, and I don’t want to see you become like them.” 

_ Maybe there is hope for you yet, Roan. _

Lexa couldn’t think of a reply to that that wouldn’t break her cover or make her feel like she was kicking Roan back to the darkness he was steadily breaking free off. Roan seemed to take her sullen silence as a dismissal, so with a final nod he brushed past her and headed out.

Lexa watched him walk away and found herself, surprisingly, offering up a silent prayer that Roan did hold strong and maintain the kindness he had just displayed. “Rachel!” Lexa recognised the voice yelling out her name as belonging to Drew, one of Ontari’s more trusted followers, and her eyes swept the area to seek him out. Drew was waving at her from across the hall, standing near to a fire exit with a group of five other gang members. Lexa quickly pushed her way through to them and once she was closer Drew grinned at her cheekily, “Frosty’s?” 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow, “Definitely.” 

She accepted the invite happily, pleased to get away from the high-class event and more specifically Nia who she had spotted positively fuming on the balcony above the ballroom. The pack of them made their escape through the fire exit and moved swiftly to the bar where they would normally spend the majority of their nights. Lexa allowed the boys she was walking with to scream and shove each other raucously, rolling her eyes at their antics. 

Lexa had maintained an aloof attitude upon joining the gang that intrigued the other followers and made her a novelty that they would fight over. As she rose up the ranks and became Ontari’s right hand woman, her quiet detachment made many of the other gang members actively try to include her to gain her rarely given approval and thereby impress Ontari by extension.

Upon arriving at the bar, the group continued their rowdy behaviour, quickly breaking a pool cue within the first half-hour. Lexa sat at the bar and left them to it, sliding money over to Peter to cover her drink order and the cost of the damage they would likely cause. Peter shot her a grateful smile and put her next beer on the house. Lexa was liberal with her money, all of it earned doing dirty work for Ontari meant that when her mission was complete it would be handed over to the bureau. Therefore, Lexa was always quick to try and subtly spend it on making amends for the Azgeda’s presence where she could. 

An hour or so later, Lexa had played two games of pool, won $50, had three beers and had to talk herself out of sending Costia a clingy message of ‘I miss you’ four times. “Last call!” Peter shouted out, ringing a bell behind the counter. Drew and the posse Lexa had come in with swore loudly and rushed up to the bar, viciously and unnecessarily punching and kicking each other out of the way to get there first. Lexa rolled her eyes and sipped her beer, internally counting down the seconds until she was free of this place. 

DING!

Lexa’s phone let out a high pitched tone and vibrated in her bag indicating the arrival of a text message. She set her drink back into place and rummaged around in her clutch to pull out her phone to discover a text from Anya, who was under the alias of ‘Lesley Sykes’ in her phone. 

**[L. Sykes]: C IN DANGER! IMMEDIATE EXTRACTION.**

Lexa was moving before she was even fully aware of it, abandoning her drink and running full pelt out of the bar. Immediate extraction meant Costia had sent out her codeword, needed back-up, needed help. Upon receiving that message Lexa was supposed to get to the designated hotel and give a false name where she would then wait for pick-up. Lexa, had no intention of doing that, not when Costia was in trouble. 

_ Please, let her be okay. _

_ Please, let her be okay. _

Lexa repeated that mantra to herself over and over again as she pushed her body to move faster and faster. Her legs felt stretched and strained already, her heels and dress limiting her sprinting. Lexa hoped Costia was at home as it was the only place Lexa could think to run to. 

_ Please, let her be okay. _

_ Please, let me get there in time. _

* * *

**Present Day**

 

Roan’s alarm blared loudly causing his eyes to snap open and push him to roll out of bed with a light groan. Yesterday had been rough. The FBI had been crawling all over the place, Ontari had gone pretty much rabid and Nia was keeping everyone on a tight leash. Then the news had come in that not only was Lexa Woods, bane of the Queens’ existence, back in town but she had found the undercover agent, taking out the McCormack twins and unleashing a fury in Ontari that even Nia had struggled to rein in. 

Cleaver’s arrival that Sunday morning had been lucky more than anything. During his exile from Azgeda he had had taken to drifting from gang to gang hoping to make Ontari jealous enough that she would call him back to her side. One of the gangs he had aligned with for a short stint was the Yujleda. By happenstance, he parted ways with them just before the FBI made their big bust, an event he found about upon visiting an old friend from the gang who was now behind bars. A short while later, Cleaver had begun to hear mutterings on the street that the Yujleda was looking to ally with the Azgeda gang. Sensing an opportunity, Cleaver had rushed back to his mistress’ side with the news. 

Roan was thankful for Cleaver’s well-timed intervention, but he still shuddered whenever he thought about what would have happened if the agent hadn’t got away at the fishing store. He knew the damage his sister could cause but even that knowledge wouldn’t have prepared him for the pain she would enjoy inflicting.

Roan stretched out whilst shuffling with a yawn to the bathroom for shower. With Nia focusing on damage control all of the legitimate business work fell to Roan, who was forced to hold himself together with the dark threat of prison looming over his head. After going through his regular morning routine of styling his hair, picking out the appropriate business attire and perfecting his look, he made a to go cup of coffee and a bagel before heading out to work. 

Appearances were important to Roan, the suits he wore served as his own personal reminder that he was different from Nia’s and Ontari’s lackeys. That he had legitimacy. His suits were his personal armour and he took care that morning in picking out each article of clothing. Steel grey trousers and jacket matched with an impeccable, white pressed shirt, dark pink tie and black shoes so well polished he could see his reflection in them. Roan tweaked his tie one last time in the car’s rear view mirror before getting out and heading into work. 

Employees shot him anxious glances as he passed them, Roan held his head high trying to exude an assuredness and confidence that would put them all at ease. He tried to ignore the slight relief and satisfaction that came with seeing his secretary’s desk empty. 

He had hated Colin McCormack, the secretary his mother had hired after Costia. Colin was unprofessional, disrespectful and absolutely terrible at his job, but Nia had ignored every complaint Roan had raised so he had beem stuck with him, that was until yesterday. With everything going to shit, at least something had gone right, even if that was the death of his secretary.

Roan collected his mail that had been deposited on Colin’s desk, flicking through it as he pushed his way into his office.

“Hope you don’t mind but I let myself in.”

Roan’s head snapped up sharply, looking up to find none other than Lexa Woods sat in his desk chair, her feet propped up on his table as if she owned the place. “Well my secretary would have told you to wait outside but a trigger happy psycho appears to have made him late.” Roan snapped back, slamming the door behind himself.

Lexa cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, “I don’t think Ontari would be too pleased if she heard that description.”

Roan strolled up to his desk, eyeing Lexa warily, before sinking into one of the leather chairs set out for guests and letting out a sigh “She took out Frank, not Colin.” 

“She actually admitted to killing one of them?” Lexa asked momentarily taken aback, momentarily concerned that she may not have a good enough read on the youngest Queen anymore. 

Yes, Ontari had killed followers before, but it was on very rare occasions, she only did it when she needed to reassert her authority or when she could guarantee that the Azgeda would support her instead of whoever had earned her wrath. At a time when they were being hunted down, Ontari couldn’t afford to fracture the ranks by murdering off people’s friends.

“Of course not. But I’ve gotten better at seeing the truth behind my sister’s lies.” Roan replied with a shrug, crossing his legs and settling in.

“Yet you’re still here.” Lexa stated detachedly, “Still turning a blind eye and cowering in the corner.”

Roan rested his hands on the arms of the chair and gripped the dark wood tightly. “What do you want?”

Lexa slowly lifted her feet from off the top of his table and set them on the ground, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the surface. “To return the advice you gave me years ago.” Roan’s nails dug preemptively into the chair’s arms as he stared into green eyes that seemed to shine brightly at him despite the neutral expression on Lexa’s face. “There is more to life than what Nia is offering you.” Roan snorted derisively and shook his head but Lexa continued unperturbed. “I didn’t understand all those years ago. Didn’t understand you or why you stood by and continued to stand by your mother.”

“But you do now?” Roan inferred with a harsh frown. 

_ I know what you’re trying to do. Empathise with me so I feel more inclined to agree with you. _

“Yes.” Lexa said without a hint of insincerity. “I know you stick by your family as you believe they love you and you think that means you owe them something.” Roan barely resisted the eyeroll at Lexa’s obvious manipulations though he had to admit there seemed to be something genuine in her expression whilst she spoke, “I know you also stay with them because you believe that after everything you’ve done, no one else could possibly love you. You believe you are so beyond redemption that you think there is no getting out of this. No alternative to what Nia is offering you.”

“What FBI-issued psychology textbook did you take that from?” Roan questioned with a snarl.

Lexa pursed her lips at the question, purposefully choosing to ignore it. “What I’m trying to say is that I now know that isn’t true. There are people who can see past your darkness and your pain. There are people who will love you for who you are, scars and all.” There was a barely audible crack to Lexa’s voice when she said that line and a light glimmer of hope and wonderment that Roan couldn’t quite convince himself was an act. “You just need to be brave enough to go out and find them.”

Silence fell between them as Lexa’s gaze bored into Roan, trying desperately to find even a spark of interest in what she was saying, but Roan kept his features guarded to the best of his ability. 

_ Don’t let her manipulate you. _

_ She doesn’t mean it. _

_ Not a single word. _

Roan carefully lifted his hands up and brought them together in a slow clap that had Lexa sinking back into the leather seat deflating noticeably, “Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.” Roan mockingly cheered, his hands going still and flopping back to his sides. “You know? You almost had me for a moment there. The scars and all bit… I mean you really sold that.” Roan smirked cruelly at her, trying to ignore how the expression didn’t quite feel comfortable on his face. “But I know what you’re trying to do. You don’t think I learnt from Michelle? Or should I say Costia?” Roan’s stomach twisted as he said the name, only to be quickly replaced with a bolt of fear when he saw Lexa’s bright eyes suddenly lose colour and become cold and dark. “Costia tried the exact same thing. I mean she, at least, was far more eloquent with her lies, ‘love isn’t a debt system’ and ‘you deserve better’.” Roan put on a high pitched voice imitating the way Costia used to enunciate and pushing down the bile that rose bitterly in his throat with every jibe. 

Lexa shot to her feet, a ghost of a snarl hiding below the surface. Roan’s mouth clamped shut instinctively; having spent all of his life with a psychopath for a sister he had learnt to sense when violence was on the horizon and the way Lexa’s fist’s were being held resolutely by her sides was a big warning sign.

“Even with your first rate education, you are still one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met.” Lexa coolly muttered, her steady, neutral tone in complete contrast to the taut muscles coiled and ready to unleash a flurry of violence.

Roan remained quiet, eyeing the woman warily.

A beat passed, Lexa exhaled deeply, the tension in her body and the room leaking out as she did so, and with a defeated shake of her head she moved round the desk heading towards the exit. Roan twisted his head round to look over his shoulder at her retreating figure only to see her stop suddenly and turn gradually back to face him. “I didn’t come here to manipulate you. I didn’t even come here to help you. I came here… because Costia would have wanted me to.” 

Roan felt a light prickling sensation behind his eyes that made him viciously grind his teeth together to force down the liquid building up. 

“Costia truly thought you were worth saving. That you could redeem yourself.” Lexa frowned harshly at the sullen man sat in front of her. “She was never trying to manipulate you or bring you down. She wanted to get you out before the FBI moved in. She was offering you a lifeline.” 

_ She’s a liar. _

_ Every word is a lie. _

Nia’s voice continued to echo and reverberate in Roan’s mind, practically shouting over the inner voice that was solely his own and asking him to embrace what Lexa was saying as true. Indecision and fear clawed at Roan from the inside and kept his mouth clamped tightly shut.

“I never really got what she saw in you until the night she died.” Lexa revealed softly, “You tried to save me, in your own way… She would have been  _ so  _ proud of you that night.” Her mouth upticked into a sad smile. “I’m glad she doesn’t have to see how you wasted the faith she had in you.”


	26. Queenfall (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does live up to the violence warning tag for this fic, just as a pre-warn.

**Six Years Ago**

 

_ Faster! _

_ Move faster! _

Lexa screamed at her body, using every ounce of willpower she had to push herself to the limit. Her heeled feet, like thunder on the tarmac, landed surely and with purpose every time. The cheap dress the she had bought off the internet had finally ripped at the hem allowing her to extend her running stride to its fullest. 

_ Four streets away. _

Lexa turned onto and raced down the deserted road, the entire town’s population somehow instinctively knowing not to be out tonight, the streetlights illuminating only block intervals of the road. 

_ Please, be okay. _

Dark. Light. Dark. Light. 

_ Please, be okay. _

Lexa wasn’t even remotely aware of the shifting brightness or the side streets that she ran past, her eyes were fixed forward at some unseeable point in front of her where she imagined Costia calling out for help. 

Calling out for her.

“Lexa…”

Lexa came to an abrupt halt upon hearing the desperate and recognisable cry of her name causing her to fall forward and skid on her knees producing an array of grazes and bruises to cover her lower legs. Lexa pushed herself back to her feet, her head round whipping round to the side street where she had heard her name.

“Costia!” Lexa yelled, the commander mask cracking as fear laced her words and crept into her expression.

What she saw made ice run through her veins.

Costia was shuffling forward, a distinctive limp to her steps that was almost unnoticeable by how she was hunched over, her hands gripping the side of her body trying to hold back a flood of crimson. Her perfectly coiffed hair had lost its volume and was now slick with sweat. Thick, distinctive rivers of blood were running down her legs, bringing stark attention to her bare feet and toes that had become stiff and off colour due to the cold. Her beautiful dress that Lexa had struggled to take her eyes off only a couple of hours ago was rumpled, ripped and blood-stained. Lexa took all of this in quickly, her attention being drawn to Costia’s face more than anything else. 

Her usually bright, shining brown eyes had lost that spark of joy and hope that had always been present and was such an intrinsic part of who she was. Tears were falling thick and fast, flowing freely down to her mouth that had twisted into a grotesque grimace as she tried to keep herself from screaming out in pain. 

Lexa didn’t remember moving. 

One moment, she had been staring at Costia taking in the damage and a second later she was at Costia’s side. As soon as Lexa was within arms reach Costia felt a wave of relief and security that had the adrenaline in her system abandoning her and causing her legs to give out. Lexa instinctively brought her arms up to catch the other woman, and guide her safely to the ground.

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” Lexa murmured soothingly, endeavouring to keep her tone calm and not let the sheer panic consuming her leak out.

“I kn-knew y-you..” Cosita choked out curling into Lexa’s body seeking out her pleasant warmth. 

Lexa immediately pulled Costia into her lap, one arm circling around her waist to keep her close and press down on the gaping wound in her side. Lexa’s fingers were instantly sodden and stained by the flood of warm liquid, the fear inside her escalating considerably as she struggled to fully cover the wound with her hand. Costia ducked her head under Lexa’s chin, nuzzling into the warmth and trying to hide the tears that were falling endlessly. With her free hand, Lexa unlocked the phone she had been tightly gripping whilst sprinting through town, tapping onto her contacts and scrolling down to select Anya’s alias.

“You knew what?” Lexa prompted gently to keep Costia talking as the worrying grey pallor and the sleepy way her eyelids opened and closed scared Lexa far worse than anything else she had ever experienced. She pressed the phone tighter to her ear hating every ring that was cruelly counting the seconds of this horrifying moment. 

Ring. Ring.

“T-th-that you… would s-save me…”, Costia breathed out sincerely, her confession causing Lexa to go rigid.

Ring. Ring.

Lexa slowly leant back, to stare down into Costia’s drawn face, that hopeful spark in her eyes having returned but far dimmer than normal. “Always.” Lexa promised fervently, quickly ducking down to brush her lips against Costia’s forehead. 

Ring. Ri-

“Lexa?” Anya’s worried voice over the phone was the closest thing to a miracle that Lexa had ever heard. 

A gasp of relief cascaded through her, the blood streaming from Costia’s side had subsided with the pressure her much firmer grasp was able to provide. “Anya. I’m with Costia. She’s badly injured.”

“Where are you?” Anya asked getting straight to the point, Lexa could hear the roar of a rapidly accelerating car and the sounds of sirens in the background of the call. 

Lexa pulled Costia back into her body, who instantly rested her cheek on Lexa’s shoulder, “We’re on Keller Street, we-”

“LEXA!” The truly terrified scream by Costia was the only warning Lexa received. Costia was staring at something over Lexa’s shoulder with an expression of pure fear, her hands moving to grip at Lexa’s back attempting, even in her weakened state, to change their positions so it was her body shielding Lexa rather than the other way around. 

Lexa’s training kicked in the second she felt Costia move to protect her.

Lexa brought the arm that had been holding the phone to her ear around Costia, trapping the injured agent between her arms, preventing her from completing her sacrificial act. With Costia secure, Lexa lunged forward, rolling them away from whoever was coming up behind them. Even though Lexa reacted swiftly it wasn’t fast enough to fully avoid the attack aimed at her.

A piercing, jagged pain tore through Lexa as a blade cut into her skin leaving a deep gash from her right hip to the middle of her back. The attacker, dressed all in black, staggered forward dropping to their knees having expected their knife to plunge into Lexa’s back and provide the necessary resistance that would prevent them from becoming unbalanced.

Costia, now on her back with Lexa covering her, let out a whimper of fear and pain whilst Lexa tried to keep back a roar, the wound in her back being pure agony. Lexa ground her teeth together lifting her body off of Costia where she had been putting unnecessary weight on her injured side, and got to her knees turning to face their attacker who had quickly recomposed themselves. Lexa watched in a dazed sense as everything shifted to slow motion as the black clad figure effortlessly tossed the knife from their left hand to their right, pointing the tip downwards. Lexa’s eyes tracked the moment taking in the black leather of the haft that had a white band marking the transition to the grey steel of the blade. The attacker jerkily lifted up the weapon with the intent to slash it down into Costia’s prone barely reactive form beside Lexa. 

“NO!” Lexa yelled, throwing herself bodily upwards and forward to slam into the attacker, her left hand stretching out to grapple with the knife that the attacker was trying to hold out of her reach. Lexa and the attacker fell into a heap a few feet away from Costia, who attempted to crawl over and help but she just didn’t have the strength to with her increasing blood loss now that Lexa’s firm grip was no longer there to stop the flow.

Lexa’s hand wrapped around the sharp-edged blade, cutting deeply and burying itself into the palm of her hand despite the harsh yank from the attacker trying to pull it free and bring it round for another slash. Lexa used the momentum the black-clad figure created trying to pull the knife free from her bloody palm, to swing her other arm around and hit her opponent on the right side of their jaw resulting in their head snapping to the side and pulling Lexa to the ground. 

The two of them rolled into the road, both grappling for the knife, their free hands unleashing a flurry of punches onto the other’s bodies. Lexa received a cut lip, a swollen eye whilst she inflicted at least two broken ribs on the attacker. 

The black-clad figure, eventually, aimed a well placed blow to Lexa’s right hand side which caused a shockwave of pain to hit the open wound on her back. Lexa bit back a whimper whilst her attacker capitalised on her moment of distraction to gain the upper hand and roll Lexa onto her back and finally, pull the knife out from Lexa’s fist. Straddling Lexa, the attacker wrapped both hands around the hilt of the blade, lifting it up to head height before bringing down with an almighty roar. Lexa reacted in the nick of time, her hands coming up automatically in defense, grabbing her enemy’s forearms to keep the glinting red tip of the knife from plunging into her chest.

With her left arm already considerably weakened by the deep cut on her palm, Lexa knew in that moment she wouldn’t be able to push back the knife for much longer. Every second that passed, the tip of the blade lowered, slowly but surely making its way to it’s target.

Lexa ground her teeth, hating how weak she felt in that moment.

Hating that this would be how she died. 

She had failed to remember one of Alie’s key lessons.

_ Always assume you are going to be ambushed. _

_ Always assume you are surrounded by enemies. _

The blade sunk another inch. 

“FUCK!” Lexa growled, trying to push all of her remaining strength into holding off her death.

That’s when Lexa saw Costia. 

Sweet, incredibly strong Costia, crawling towards her, a hard steel in her eyes. The two agents made eye-contact and Costia, as if she knew something Lexa didn’t, gave her a small, sad smile. With an energy and strength Costia shouldn’t have had, considering the severity of her injuries, lunged forward with her right arm, grasped their attacker’s shoulder and pulled. The attacker dipped towards Costia, the knife they had been aiming at Lexa’s chest dropping to the side, scratching against the tarmac. Lexa’s arms felt like lead, and instantly dropped to the ground, no longer under immense strain.

The attacker rolled easily, shoving harshly at Costia who refused let go of the handful of clothing she had clasped in her fist, her main aim being merely to get the assailant away from Lexa. The attacker’s next move was to kick out with full force at Costia’s severe stab wound.

“NO!” Lexa shouted; Costia screamed and a new wave of red coated the road. Lexa fought against every flare of pain in her body and staggered to her feet at the same time the black-clad figure managed to free themselves of Costia’s now slack grip. 

There was a second where Lexa stared at the balaclava, knife-wielding fiend, knowing even though she couldn’t see their eyes, that they could see hers. 

Could see the fire and fury. 

Could see how she would kill them. 

Kill them slowly and enjoy it.

Lexa took a careful step forward, her bloodied hands curling into fists. She was on her feet now and that meant she was in her best fighting state. On the ground in a wrestling match were strength became a large aspect, Lexa had struggled. On her feet, she had speed. She had experience. She was deadly.

The sound of sirens could be heard in the distance now.

Lexa continued to stare down her opponent, taking another purposeful step forward. 

The knife in the attacker’s hand trembled slightly as the volume of sirens went up another notch, getting closer and closer. 

Suddenly, the black-clad figure was running, arms pumping and legs moving in overtime. Lexa flinched, her feet instinctively making to follow when she glanced down at the unmoving form of Costia. 

It wasn’t a choice.

Chase after the psychopath with a knife or stay with Costia?

Get the bad guy or save the girl?

Always save the girl.

Lexa dropped to her knees and gently rolled Costia over, her hands instantly moving to put pressure on the wound on her side. 

There was so much blood. 

Lexa glanced from the wound up to Costia’s face. “Costia?” Lexa pleaded. “Costia, please be awake.”

Her skin didn’t feel so warm anymore and the blood wasn’t coming out as fast paced. Costia’s face though revealed it all. Pale, drained of life. Eyes open, cold and unresponsive. No hopeful spark even remotely present. No charming smile. 

Lifeless.

“Costia, no… Costia…” Lexa murmured, as the sirens got louder and she became bathed in the flashes of red and blue from the no longer useful or necessary emergency vehicles.

“Lexa?!” Anya called out from somewhere but Lexa had no idea from where.

Her eyes refused to move off Costia’s face, and she kept whispering the fallen agent’s name over and over again.

* * *

**Present Day**

  
  


Lexa peered out from the behind the dumpster she was hiding behind and watched the street closely, waiting and praying for there to be no prying eyes around so she could make her stealthy dash across the road, and slip inside without anyone knowing. 

Lexa was patient. 

Alie and Beca Johnson had both instilled that attribute into her in their own ways. Alie had taught Lexa the steadiness and immobility required when using a sniper, whilst Beca had enforced that everyone slipped up eventually, especially criminals, you just had to position yourself in the right place to watch and then wait. 

Lexa was on foot now due to handing over Ontari’s SUV that she had ‘stumbled’ upon (the agent taking her statement was not even remotely fooled but the coldness in Lexa’s glare had him suitably cowed enough to not argue) during her time in Azgeda to the FBI. Moving around now was equal parts extremely dangerous and extremely safe depending on which gang member Lexa had the misfortune to stumble upon. With the FBI in town, Nia’s wardog in hiding and Lexa back on the scene, half the members were cowering away, trying not to draw any attention to themselves whilst the other half were out for blood, feeling cornered and switching to the attack. 

The meeting with Roan had gone as well as Lexa had expected. She knew reaching out to him was a long-shot but she owed it to Costia who had been on the precipice of saving him last time. It was a small act but it gave Lexa some sense of closure. She would often find herself wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t maintained character when Roan had talked to her the night Costia had died. 

_ Would a few kind words of encouragement have given him that little bit more resolve to stand by his decision? _

Lexa knew better than to go down the route of what ifs and maybes.

She had taught herself to accept the past and try to focus on how if the events, including the terrible ones, hadn’t happened she wouldn’t be living the life she currently was. Aden was the key shift for Lexa. If so much as one thing in her past changed she might not have found her son. Might not have ever seen his wide grin and soulful blue eyes. That thought helped put to rest many of the unanswered questions plaguing her mind regarding roads not taken and words not said, but occasionally one slipped through.

Roan was the one now. Most likely because she could still sense some hope, some fragment of the good man Costia had seen beneath the surface. 

Lexa hefted the bag on her back slightly, shifting forward to make her dash. She sprinted across the road, opening the door she had been watching just a fraction wide enough to slip inside and then almost silently close it behind herself. 

The bar was dimly lit and eerily silent at this early in the morning. The only noise was the sound of shuffling feet followed by the movement of boxes and the occasional clink of glasses from a backroom. Lexa let out a sigh of relief, moving towards a table in the middle of the room to set her bag down before strolling over to look at the walls. 

Lexa had seen the photos and newspaper clippings when she had been undercover and was surprised that they were still here all these years later. Most were covered in a thick layer of dust except for a few that had been put into new frames, Lexa assumed they had been broken during one of the more rambunctious Azgeda fight nights. During her barfight a couple of days ago, she had been considerate enough to avoid causing too much damage to the actual bar and when she had slipped money into Peter’s shirt beforehand it had secretly been considerably more than the cost of her drink, pre-emptively paying for any damage she inflicted. 

Lexa stared sadly at the pictures. They were of families, couples and older locals eating and drinking happily at Frosty’s. The photos were old presumably from the 80s if the clothing and dubious hairstyles were anything to go by. The bar in the pictures was brighter and more colourful, it was less of a bar in fact and more of a family restaurant. There had even been a restaurant mascot, if one particular photo of a top hat wearing snowman kneeling down beside two grinning children was any indication. 

_ Frosty’s? The snowman, huh? Makes sense. _

Newspaper clippings from ‘The Azgedan Chronicle’, the local newspaper that had been forcibly shut down a few years before Lexa had even arrived in town for her undercover operation, dotted the area revealing events that had taken place here. Lexa gently pulled a few framed photos and articles off the wall and returned to the table to look over them properly.

As she was halfway through the front page article regarding the restaurant’s opening, the door to the backroom swung open and the older bar owner stepped through carrying a hefty box filled with spirits the Azgeda gang had firmly requested he always kept in stock. Lexa looked up from her reading, making eye contact with Peter who went rigidly still for a second before letting out a deep sigh.

“Should have known you would be back.” Peter huffed out irritably continuing over to the bar counter where he deposited the box and began to unload it.

“I’m reliable like that.” Lexa replied neutrally.

“That’s not the word I would have used.” Peter muttered, refusing to look up at her.

Lexa hummed lightly neither in agreement nor disagreement, settling back into reading deciding to let Peter set the pace. Lexa listened out attentively as Peter carefully stashed the bottles away in their proper locations. Once he had finished that task, Lexa heard him let out another sigh and tread over to her table, she only looked up when he had pulled back a chair and fell ungracefully into it. 

“I’m not going to help you.” Peter said cutting straight to the point before Lexa even had a chance to say a word. 

Lexa studied the man in front of her. Peter had looked old when she had first met him, now he looked positively haggard, ground down into even less than he had been before. He was tall and broad with white hair and a receding hairline, his size and age should have given him an air of confidence and wisdom but he seemed to have managed to make himself less.  _ Smaller, would be the best word.  _ He was able to hide in the shadows and not be seen and as such he wasn’t seen as a threat or even worthy of acknowledgement. His face was heavily set with lines that came with constant frowning, Lexa couldn’t help but glance down at one of the photos she had picked out that had a young beaming, dark haired Peter welcoming people to the crowded restaurant. 

The man in that photo had been heading towards crinkles from smiling.

“Why not?” Lexa asked gently.

Peter snorted derisively as if she had literally found the ‘stupid question’ that teachers always said didn’t exist. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Why not?” Lexa prompted.

Peter shook his dismissively, “Because I like living. Because if I help you, the Azgeda will take away everything I hold dear. If they don’t kill me out right…” Peter trailed off, breaking his staring contest with Lexa to glance down at his fidgeting hands, “There are worse things than death.”

“I agree.” Lexa stated coolly.

“Then why would you even bother asking in the first place?” Peter snapped, his nostrils flaring angrily.

Lexa fell back in her seat and nodded her head down to the collection on the table, “Because of this.”

Peter’s hands twitched automatically upon seeing the pile on the table with the desire to pick them up, hang the mementos back on the wall and go back to not looking at them ever again. 

“That was a long time ago.” Peter whispered sadly. 

“It doesn’t have to be.” Lexa murmured, reaching forward to lift up the photo of Peter smiling in a crowded restaurant filled with families and place it more directly in front of the man. “Do you want to know the moment I became personally determined to take down the Queens?”

“The day your friend died.” Peter answered, his eyes fixed on the photo placed in front of him and his hands moving to pick up the frame and hold it gently.

“No, it was before that.” Lexa responded, moving to set her elbow on the arm of the wooden chair and then rest her chin on the now supported palm of her hand, allowing her to watch Peter intently. “It wasn’t Ontari’s violence before you suggest that either.”

Peter raised an eyebrow at that but still didn’t take his eyes of the photo. 

“It was the day I realised, I hadn’t actually seen a child in this town.” Now, Peter looked up at her, his dark, beady eyes guarded. “A whole town filled with people and I never saw a child at the park. Never saw a kid racing around on a bike. Never saw young parents taking their newborns or toddlers out for a stroll. I remember thinking how strange…”, Lexa trailed off, pursing her lips to look thoughtful. “That’s when I realised… how diabolical the Queens really are. They made parents and children afraid to go outside. No one goes out after dark. No one goes stargazing. No one goes for picnics in the park. Everyone here is so afraid of dying, that they don’t see that they are barely living.”

Lexa fell silent, giving Peter time to absorb and reflect on her words. “Don’t you think if something could’ve been done to stop it, it would’ve been done by now?” Peter asked defeatedly.

“No.” Lexa answered honestly, “I think everyone in this town is sitting back, hoping and praying that someone will be brave to take a stand. I think everyone is waiting for someone else to step up to the plate.”

“And you think that someone is me?” Peter sounded almost amused at the idea of him being a hero or even slightly defiant.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Peter questioned with a hopeless shrug whilst he pulled the photoframe closer to his chest, almost protectively.

Lexa smiled sadly at the bar owner, “Because the man in that photo looks like someone who wouldn’t be able to stand the idea of children being too afraid to go outside.”

Peter’s gaze dropped back to the picture, his shoulders hunching protectively to create a shelter for himself. There was a minute of silence whilst an almost imperceptible tremble ran through the large man as he strove to hold off the grief over what he had once had and been. “Damn you.” Peter muttered, “I knew you would get me in trouble the moment you walked in all those years ago.” He lifted his head and gave Lexa a determined nod, a spark of strength reminiscent of the younger version in the photo appearing for a flash in his eyes. “What do you need?”

Lexa felt the equivalent of a tsunami of relief crash over her, and jumped into action immediately not wanting to waste the opportunity that had been granted to her. Her hands grabbed the backpack resting on the table beside the stack of photos, opened it and pulled free the map she and Raven had used to find Anya. Lexa laid it out across the table in front of her.

“The Azgeda was supposed to receive a drug shipment a couple of days ago, here.” Lexa pointed to the spot on the map that marked out the fishing store. “I assume you heard how an undercover agent was discovered and disrupted that?” Peter nodded, eyeing the marked up map curiously trying to see how he fitted in.

“You found her, yesterday?” Peter checked, he had heard the angry rants from the gang members for most of last night. Their fury had resulted in a few broken tables and chairs that he had been forced to clear away just before Lexa had arrived.

“Yes.” Lexa confirmed, “Anyway, the drug shipment wasn’t able to come in as it meant to. The FBI believe that they dropped the drugs off further down the coast since they inspected all shipments that came in from Queen Transport for that day and found nothing.” Lexa traced a line down the coast to a midpoint between the town and the fishing store, highlighting a point where the shipment could have been dropped off quickly. “With the FBI having put the whole town in lockdown more or less, and watching the roads for any Azgeda gang movement, there is good enough reason to believe that the most recent drug shipment has been stashed somewhere in town. They can’t move it or use it as they are under too much scrutiny.” Peter nodded along slowly in understanding, following Lexa’s explanation closely with a furrowed brow. “They wouldn’t hide the drugs in any place that was connected to Queen Transport or any known members of the Azgeda gang knowing the FBI could get a search warrant with enough reason. That means the drugs are being stored in some hidden location that we wouldn’t think to look at.”

“And you want my guess of where that might be?” Peter guessed as his eyes roved the map with a hopeless shake of his head. “They talk about so many places… I wouldn’t know where-”

“I think I can narrow it down for you.” Lexa cut in quickly, her hands already moving to highlight the marked out streets, “These areas mark everywhere Ontari drove on Sunday. Following the failed drug shipment that morning, Ontari drove through these roads in Azgeda and I think the drugs most have been stored at a location along or nearby this route. Is there any locations along this route that you think they could be using?” Lexa’s hands retreated to her side as Peter bent down and studied the marked out roads.

Lexa focused on breathing slowly and calmly, meditating internally to keep the hope from building up inside her and forcing herself to go over the same thoughts. 

_ This is a long shot, you know that. _

_ There are too many what ifs and maybes. _

_ Yes, you are assessing everything using your knowledge of the Queens. _

_ Yes, Ontari would be the chosen point person to ensure the drugs were safely stored away and she would most likely have driven there using her car but still… _

_ She could have gotten a ride with someone else. _

_ Nia might have ordered her to stay away from the drug shipment to keep Ontari clear of implication (unlikely)... _

“The newspaper offices.” Peter’s soft words broke through Lexa’s reverie and brought her sharply back to reality. 

“Where?” Lexa asked leaning forward and peering down to track the bar owner’s finger to a location on the map. “Why there?”

“The Queens shut down the local paper a decade ago - Nia didn’t like the less than positive articles run about her and her family.” Peter explained, rubbing the back of his neck wearily, “Anyway, the building has remained empty since then and I’ve heard mutterings here and there from some of the more senior gang members about meeting at ‘The Chronicle’. It always sounded like a meeting place for higher up members. Didn’t seem of much importance other than that…. But if they’re looking for a place no one else would really look…” Peter shrugged uncertainly as if disappointed in himself for not being able to offer more. 

Lexa refused to let him think that for even a second.

She reached out carefully, placing her hand on the forearm of the man now standing taller than he had in decades. The touch caused Peter to flinch slightly but he met her gaze without hesitation. “Thank you.” Lexa tried to make those two words fully encapsulate her gratitude.

She thinks she might have succeeded when Peter smiled and reached down to wipe the layer of dust off the photo of his younger self.

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

 

Nia stared into the yellow and red flames of the fire, only moving to occasionally to lift the glass filled with red wine to her lips for a sip. It was well past midnight, edging slowly but surely towards dawn, yet this was Nia’s first moment of peace and calm since leaving her meticulously planned charity event a couple of hours ago. Nia had left the event with a tight feeling of satisfaction knowing that the prettied up secretary messing with her son’s head was probably enjoying Ontari’s company at that precise moment. 

The car she was chauffeured home in drove sedately, allowing Nia to sit back and fantasise about the torture her daughter would inflict on the girl that had tried to take away what was hers. The car eventually came to a stop and Nia waited patiently for her door to be opened for her. 

It took ten seconds longer than normal for her door to be pulled open and that was how she knew something was wrong. That realisation gave her the time she needed to compose her expression and set her muscles. The door swung open and Nia didn’t allow even a shadow of surprise to show on her face when she saw her daughter stood there and not Bryan, her driver. 

Nia quickly took in her daughter’s appearance, a harsh frown settling on her face with every detail she noted. Ontari was dressed all in black. Black combat boots, black trousers, black long-sleeved shirt, black gloves and black balaclava gripped tightly in the hand not holding open the car door.  _ It’s like the night fucking vomited on her,  _ Nia thought with disgust. Her daughter was hunched over to one side, and her breathing was coming out in sharp exhales as if she didn’t want to expand or constrict her chest in anyway. Her face was a mess of bruises running right down to her neck where a particularly violent off-colouring was becoming more visible. 

It was her expression that most set Nia on edge and gave her a stark insight into how massively tonight must have gone wrong. Ontari’s eyes were watering and her lower lip was trembling like a small child. It made Nia so physically disgusted she was almost sick. 

“What happened?” Nia sharply demanded, gracefully stepping out of the car whilst refusing to look at the source of her ire and disappointment anymore than necessary. 

Nia led her daughter inside listening as her daughter ranted and raved, explaining the events in short, staccato sentences between swearing and throwing blame on everything and everyone she could for her failure. Nia ground her teeth together, listening intently as she settled into her armchair by the fireplace. 

“Wait.” Nia ordered with a clipped tone that had Ontari stilling momentarily and staring at her with a mix of hope and fear. “Rachel found Michelle? And she didn’t call her Michelle?”

Ontari nodded her head vigorously, all the energy she had been expending by pacing up and down going into that movement. “Yeah! She was calling her Costa or something.” 

Nia’s hand turned into a tight fist as she resisted slapping her daughter hard across the face for her stupidity. “Was it the sheriff’s department that arrived at the end or was it just sirens and flashing lights on unmarked vehicles? Did you recognise the vehicles?” Nia questioned whilst her hand began to point and click at the clutch bag she had set down on the coffee table a couple of feet away.

Ontari instantly swooped into action to fulfill the order, grabbing the bag and handing it over to her mother whilst she murmured, “No.” 

Nia pulled out her phone and dialled the gang member who was supposed to be watching the road into and out of town. The boy on the end sounded like he was on the edge of a panic attack when he realised who had phoned him. Nia demanded to know if there had been sightings of a convoy of cars coming down the road in the last half-an-hour. The deadly silence that followed gave Nia all the answer she required, Ontari began pacing again upon seeing the dark look on her mother’s face, her fingers flexing with the desire to wring the neck of the ignorant lookout. The lookout on the phone began to whimper and whine that he didn’t know who to contact and that he hadn’t been sure if it was worth calling someone in the first place. All Nia heard, though, was the slur to his words, she hung up ruthlessly and stared at her daughter with fiery eyes.

“It seems we have traitors in our midst.” Nia spat out causing Ontari to flinch before scuffling towards her with desperation in her eyes.

“Rachel isn’t- she wouldn’t-”, Ontari pleaded desperately, forgetting she had been willing to kill the other woman when it seemed she couldn’t have her to herself but unable to accept for the sake of her ego and infatuation that Rachel would never have wanted her in the first place. Nia couldn’t stop herself that time; she rose to her feet and backhanded her daughter across the face causing Ontari’s head to snap to the side and a small cut to adorn her cheek from where one of Nia’s rings had caught. 

“This is all  _ your  _ fault.” Nia seethed, pure hatred underlining her words. “You were so blinded by your disgusting attraction that you couldn’t see we were being played. And then you fail to keep your men disciplined. The boy you put at that outpost is a disgrace who has no respect for you.” 

Ontari bit back a sob, keeping her face averted away from her mother. “I- I- I will do whatever it takes to fix this.” 

“There is nothing you can do to fix this.” Nia grabbed her daughter’s chin and forcibly turned her head round to face her, her nails digging in along her jaw, “You will go and get our house in order. Keep your pack of degenerates in line. I don’t want a single slip up, not a single murmur of disobedience. Do you understand?” Nia gripped Ontari’s chin harder, her nails leaving white crescent moon marks.

“Yes.” Ontari asserted, the pure self-loathing and anger at how her mother could command her so cruelly burning like hot coals in her eyes.

Nia pushed her daughter away from her with a jerk of her hand, releasing her face sharply, unable to bear touching her daughter for even a second longer. “Get out and don’t disappoint me this time.” 

She settled back into her seat, not bothering to even watch her daughter leave, her hand already hitting dial on her phone. 

“Roan. We need to talk.”

* * *

**Present Day**

 

Lexa crouched against the wall as she ducked in through the backdoor of the dilapidated building which used to house the small printing press and offices of ‘The Azgeda Chronicle’.

It was getting towards mid-afternoon by this point. Lexa had left ‘Frosty’s’ and headed across town to the location Peter had highlighted to her. The journey had taken far longer than it should have since she was forced to duck and dive out of sight of any potential Azgeda member that she spotted. The stakeout spot she selected was across the road from the newspaper, on the roof of a block of flats that had seen better days. She had snuck in via an open window to the laundry room and hurriedly made her way to the roof where she set up shop. 

Lexa watched the building for close to four hours, barely even looking away to eat the sandwich she had made in a rush that morning. She had dropped a text to Nyko to let him know that she had a lead and was investigating. He replied back asking where, and she let him know about the newspaper. Nyko didn’t have resources to back her up, especially when she couldn’t reveal the source of her knowledge. Instead, he had insisted she message him every half hour on the dot to let him know she was okay and to drop a message if she saw anything suspicious. He would send help immediately, disregarding the order from Beca to keep Lexa out of the case trusting her to only call him in if she was in trouble or had found something of use. 

During her stake-out, Lexa had seen absolutely nothing.

The windows of the building across the road were boarded up giving her no sneak peek of anything that could be going on inside. She had seen no one come in nor out of the building, no one had even lingered nearby. By the fourth hour, the sky had an ominous red tinge marking the shift from afternoon to evening, Lexa had to concede that the abandoned newspaper office might just be the occasional meet up spot and not what she had hoped. Nyko had sent a message saying much the same over an hour ago.

Not ready to admit full defeat, but also not wanting to waste more time on a dead end, Lexa decided to scope out the insides for herself. She let Nyko know her intent and purposefully ignored his responding message that featured a contradiction in one sentence saying she wouldn’t find anything and that it was also too dangerous. 

Once through the backdoor of the building Lexa was met with a wooden floor strewn with papers and empty desks in small rooms. The building was two storeys tall, the bottom floor consisted of a small reception area and small offshoot rooms, like toilets and a breakroom, that had definitely played host to an Azgeda gang party if the graffiti, broken glass and beer cans said anything. 

The stairs leading upwards were rusted metal and covered in dirt, Lexa’s hand came away coated in a layer of grime just by brushing along the handrail. The second floor was a large office area, with abandoned desks and wobbly, mouldy wooden chairs, and an editor’s office tucked away at the back. Lexa searched the area thoroughly, the only thing of note was a rolled out sleeping bag laid out on the floor of the editor’s office. Lexa was careful not to disturb the area, but found enough evidence to suggest that someone had been camping out in the building.

That put Lexa on edge, especially considering Ontari’s missing in action status. 

Lexa carefully withdrew the gun holstered at her side and flicked off the safety, careful not to unnecessarily wrap her finger around the trigger. Keeping low and pointing the gun downwards, Lexa stalked quietly back out of the office and headed down the stairs. There was only one place left to check. The printing press and machinery was stored in the basement where the noise could be muffled and quietened so as not to disturb the neighbourhood. Lexa carefully descended the metal stairs to the bottom floor, placing her feet with the utmost precision to ensure she didn’t alert anyone that could be hiding away below. The basement was one large room and consisted of sizeable chunks of metal covered in chipping green paint that divided up the area into chunks and provided plenty of tucked away and unseeable spots for someone to be hiding in. Lexa moved softly across the room to the nearest machine, positioning her back against it, once she was close enough, to reduce the potential for her to be snuck up on. 

A layer of dusty, discarded paper covered the floor, making every step treacherous with the potential to slip. Lexa shuffled around the room and peered around the corner of the printing press to find stacks of crates and boxes. With a quick check around to make sure the coast was clear, Lexa stepped out from behind cover and approached the crates. With her free hand, she reached out and lifted the loosened lid of a waist high crate, pushing it gently aside to reveal the sawdust filled inside. Lexa immediately buried her hand inside the chippings, rummaging around until her fingers came in contact with smooth plastic that she grabbed and pulled out.

_ White powder. _

_ I fucking got you.  _

Lexa deposited the bag of powder back into the crate, and moved to pull out her phone with the intent to call Nyko. It was a barely a whisper of a sound, but Lexa heard it like a gunshot. 

Paper rustling behind her. 

Without hesitation, Lexa spun round raising her gun to meet whoever had failed to sneak upon her.

“Ontari.” Lexa coldly greeted.

Lexa watched as the dark haired girl, with a twisted smile, tightened her grip on the pistol she was pointing at Lexa in return. “Lexa.” Ontari growled out as if the name caused her physical pain.

Lexa knew she was a good shot and that she was quick on the trigger but she was also aware, having gone hunting with Ontari all those years ago in the wilderness, that Ontari was almost as fast and accurate. “What’s the plan here then?” Lexa asked, the gun in her hand remaining absolutely still despite the tension of the room and the adrenaline pumping through her.

“You die.” Ontari venomously spat out, the gun jerking with her desire to pull to the trigger.   

Lexa barely resisted rolling her eyes, the only thing that stopped her was knowing that it would push Ontari to fire. “You and I both know that we would just take each other out.” 

Ontari eyed her warily, “What would you suggest?”

“Remove the guns from the equation. I know you always wanted to know.” Lexa arched an eyebrow, her eyes glancing downwards to where she would lower her gun to.

“Always wanted to know, what?” Ontari barked out, hating not being in the know and feeling stupid.

Lexa smirked, “Whether you could actually beat me in a fight.”

* * *

**Six Years Ago**

 

Roan felt sick. He had been feeling sick since seeing his mother last night when she had told him everything. Told him how Rachel and Michelle were undercover. How Michelle had been gathering evidence on him since her first day of work. That everything she had ever told him was a lie.

Roan hadn’t believed Nia at first. He fought back. Denied everything his mother had said, even though the sinking in the pit of his stomach revealed the impact of her words. 

_ Of course it had all been fake. _

_ Of course she hadn’t wanted me. _

Nia had become softer then, her eyes pleading and that was what did it for Roan. His mother was looking at him with  _ care _ . It broke something deep within him, something Michelle had been helping him craft and shape during their time together. The denials stopped coming at that point and he willingly swallowed the honeyed words his mother gave him. 

Nia had sent a trusted gang member to check up on Michelle after the party to impart his mother’s blessing, and they had, in turn, stumbled upon Michelle and Rachel discussing their undercover work. Whilst trying to escape the gang member had been seen and they had been forced to fight their way out. In an act of self-defense, Michelle was, unfortunately, killed. 

Roan wasn’t stupid, he knew his mother wasn’t telling the whole truth but by this point the fear and self-pity had taken root within him. Michelle had worked closely with him. She knew everything. Would probably have enough evidence to put him away, though probably not enough to put away Nia since he was the point person on funnelling their money through the company. 

_ She was planning to destroy me. _

Nia repeated over and over again that Michelle was a liar, that everything she had ever said had been a lie.

_ She’s a liar. _

_ She never saw anything of worth in you. _

His mother’s word tunnelled into his very soul and dug in, taking up root and becoming an essential part of himself from that day forward. With her son, now properly broken and devastated that’s when Nia swooped in to be his saviour, rebuilding him piece by piece with bricks and foundations she had selected, making him  _ hers  _ with every word and assurance. 

She promised to protect him. To keep him safe during the investigation. Then she gave him her forgiveness. She forgave her son for failing to see through Michelle’s deception. She swore to be his eyes and ears, she would decide who got close to him, with the sole intent to  _ safeguard  _ him from further betrayal. 

Roan had thrown himself down at his mother’s feet,  _ grateful  _ for her kindness.

Now, here he was. 

Stood off to one side in his mother’s office, suited up in his best work attire to give himself the strength he needed. His mother was sat primly at her desk, staring at the double doors of her office, a smug smile on her face. The glass in Roan’s hand shook due to nerves and caused his mother to huff out a sigh of disappointment. 

It took another two minutes of heavy, uncomfortable silence before it finally happened.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Come in.” Nia ordered folding her hands together over the desk. 

The double doors swung open and the equivalent of any army battalion stormed in with none other than Rachel Franklin at the front, dressed in black trousers, smart light blue blouse covered up by the ever recognisable dark blue jacket that had FBI printed in bold yellow on the back. Her face was a tapestry of injuries, her left hand was wrapped up in a thick white bandage and there was a minor stutter to her step but Roan couldn’t help but think she had never stood taller.

“Nia Queen, we have a search warrant for this building and your home. Any attempts to interfere or impede these agents’ search will be viewed as an obstruction of justice and legal action will be taken.” Rachel’s face was completely emotionless, her eyes were void of life and her statement sounded recited. She reeked professionalism despite the swollen eye socket and cut lip, it made Roan itch to straighten his tie and pull at his cuffs in the vain wish to emulate her. 

“By all means, go ahead.” Nia serenely said, gesturing with a dismissive wave of her hand for the group of agents to begin ripping the place apart. Roan watched as Rachel’s jaw tightened and she gave a curt nod to the men and women who were waiting on her order to begin moving about. The second Rachel gave them the go-ahead, everyone was moving with a purpose, except for Rachel who had stepped forward and was staring Nia down without even a hint of the fear that was usually present in those that stood toe-to-toe with his mother. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of a proper introduction?” Nia requested with cloying sweetness.

“Agent Woods.” Rachel stated.

“Come now.” Nia admonished with an amused twinkle in her eye, “We’ve known each for a while, need we be so formal?”

“Lexa.” Rach- Lexa said her name as if it had cost her the equivalent of losing a limb.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lexa.” Nia lifted up one hand from the desk and held it out for Lexa to take.

Roan was impressed that Lexa barely hesitated to respond in kind especially when she leaned forward and her scarred, bandaged hand made contact with his mother’s. “I can’t say the same.” Lexa replied, withdrawing her hand the second the up down motion was complete.

Nia smiled maliciously at the agent’s comeback, “I really think you should try to find some joy in this moment, it’s the last time you will feel like you had any sense of  _ control  _ of the situation.” Lexa arched an eyebrow at that, her eyes flickering away from Nia to take in the room that the agents were pulling apart. 

“You really think you’re going to get away with it?” There was a slight crack in no-longer-Rachel’s mask where utter disbelief was shining brightly through. 

Roan couldn’t help but pity her in that second. Couldn’t help the fraction of sympathy he struggled to squash down. 

_ She had no idea what my mother is capable of getting away with.  _

_ But she’ll learn that lesson now, though. _

_ Dear God, that lesson is going to hurt. _

Nia shot Lexa a saccharine sweet, innocent smile, standing up elegantly as an agent came to search her desk, her eyes never once leaving Lexa’s cold green ones. “Get away with what? I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong. Nothing you can  _ prove  _ anyway.”

Roan ducked his head and stared at the ground, holding silent vigil over the scene. 

Nia had moved into action the second she had realised what was coming. 

Every scrap of incriminating evidence had been moved off site to a hidden location in town only a handful of people knew about. Ontari had cracked harshly down on the ranks putting the fear of god into them for anyone who dared break the line, Nia had then swooped in as a merciful higher power who made promises of wealth to those that remained loyal. Roan was pretty sure Nia had stolen that ‘carrot and stick’ idea from one of his business management textbooks. 

The next step had been to protect Roan and Ontari. 

Two sacrificial lambs were chosen, both paid handsomely off to claim that they had been responsible for the Queen’s children's misdeeds. One would claim to have been forging Roan’s signature for personal financial gain, an electronic bank transfer history would back this up. The other would claim to be the violent instigator, in Ontari’s place, and all the other gang members would attest this. 

There would be no drugs, no witnesses, no physical evidence of any sort. 

Just Lexa’s word against the entire might of the Azgeda gang and the respectable image of Queen Transport, the main business provider to the whole town. 

The FBI’s case had vanished in the space of a few hours. 

“Have you learnt yet?” Roan lifted his head to see that Nia had stepped around the desk and was standing uncomfortably close to Lexa whose entire body had gone rigid and tense. Roan knew she was fighting with every ounce of her being not to physically assault his mother, and even he had to admit that he admired her self-control.

“Learnt what?” Lexa asked, lifting her chin defiantly whilst refusing to step back and acknowledge Nia’s attempt at intimidation. 

“That you’re in the company of your betters.”

* * *

**Present Day**

 

The safety on both pieces of metal were flicked back on. The guns were gradually lowered to the ground, their fingers twitching as they both stood back up and took a solitary step forward. Lexa raised her hands to chest height, ready to block and attack, her feet shoulder width apart as she wearily eyed Ontari who was practically buzzing with excitement. 

The two women began to step sideways, marking out their ring of combat. 

Lexa’s sharp eyes scrutinised every muscle twitch, every placement of her feet and the jerk of her hands refusing to miss the moment Ontari decided to strike first.

_ Ontari always attacks first.  _

_ Always. _

Ten seconds of steady movement around their self-imposed arena was how long it took. 

Lexa saw Ontari’s right leg tense giving her the time she needed to prepare and react. 

The psychopath pushed off her right leg taking two impressively quick steps forward before launching off her back leg to raise up a high kick at Lexa’s face. Lexa’s forearms made a cross and came up to shield her face and trap Ontari’s leg and force her off balance. Lexa twisted Ontari’s leg around causing her to flip in the air and fall face first to the paper strewn floor. 

With Ontari down, Lexa raced forward to kick out at her, not expecting the gang leader to recover so quickly and roll out of harm’s way, Lexa’s mistimed kick and the slippery floor caused her to nearly trip over. Ontari flipped onto her feet with her hands and aimed her right fist at an unbalanced Lexa.

Ontari’s fist caught the side of Lexa’s face and had the Sheriff spinning into a closed wooden crate nearby. Air was forced out of Lexa’s lungs, and blood filled her mouth from the punch to the face. Before Lexa had a chance to recover, Ontari was behind her, pinning her against the crate. Ontari’s hand threaded into the hair above the nape of her neck, whilst Ontar’s putrid, hot breath hit her ear. 

“You’re disgusting. Weak.” The dark haired girl spat out, each word filled with an unmeasurable level of loathing. Lexa’s hands scrambled to gain purchase on the crate that she was pressed too tightly against. Sensing Lexa’s struggle, Ontari yanked back on Lexa’s hair sharply, the brunette refusing to let out so much as as wince of pain. Then Ontari quickly slammed Lexa’s face down onto the wooden crate producing warm streams of blood that began to fall from Lexa’s nose and smear the wood.

Lexa couldn’t stop the groan of pain, and the dazed, disoriented state of her mind. Ontari was back over her again, pressing against her back, breathing heavily into her ear. 

Lexa needed to snap out of it. 

Needed to gather her strength and push back. 

That’s when Ontari made the single biggest mistake she could. That’s when she whispered, right into Lexa’s ear, “I should have gutted you like I did your little bitch.”

Lexa’s body went rigid and tense. The fog and confusion covering up her mind vanished, to be replaced by the full force of the commander wielding the fire and fury of a thousand suns. Lexa’s hands found purchase on the crate, and with an unfathomable strength Lexa pushed back at the same time she snapped her head backwards connecting with Ontari’s nose. The sudden movement and blow to the face had Ontari’s grip loosening and her stepping away from the now fully unleashed Sheriff. 

Ontari’s hands shot up to her face in a vain attempt to stem the flood of red pouring from her broken nose. 

Lexa allowed herself one second.

One second to breath deeply.

One second to try and rein in her anger. 

One second wasn’t enough.

_ She killed Costia. _

_ She dies now. _

Lexa originally had no intention of killing Ontari, merely incapacitating her. That all changed the moment she had revealed she had been the one holding the knife. She had been the one who took the life out of one of the kindest people Lexa had ever met. 

Ontari was going to suffer and Lexa was going to enjoy it.

Lexa sidestepped left, and gave a fast right jab to Ontari’s side. 

The dark-haired girl curled forwards due to the pain and tried to dodge out of the way.

Lexa danced forward bringing her left fist up in a vicious uppercut right under Ontari’s chin that lifted her into the air and had her falling backwards, hitting the ground.

Lexa was faster this time, her knees dropping to the ground as she moved to straddle Ontari and she rapidly pulled her fists back to unleash a flurry of punches onto Ontari’s face and upper body.

“You don’t deserve mercy.” Lexa coldly ground out pushing aside Ontari’s attempts to block her attacks with ease.

“FUCK YOU!” Ontari screamed, bloody phlegm spraying onto Lexa’s face as her right hand reached down to her combat boots. Lexa was focusing so intensely on beating Ontari’s face to a pulp that she didn’t realise what Ontari was doing until she felt an overwhelmingly powerful stab of pain in her left thigh. 

Lexa let out resounding roar at the sheer agony radiating from her leg. 

She glanced down, seeking out the source of her pain and found a knife buried into her thigh muscle, a black hilt with a white band below the blade, Ontari’s white knuckled fist gripping it tightly and twisting to pull forth a yowl from the Sheriff. Ontari simultaneously shoved Lexa off her with her left hand and ripped the blade out of her leg. 

Lexa fell backwards, her hands shooting out quickly to put pressure on her wound. Ontari was panting a couple of feet away, her face barely recognisable due to the swelling and blood that stained her features. Lexa bit down on her already cut and swollen lip trying to draw the pain away from her leg by inflicting some elsewhere. 

Ontari brought a hand up to futilely wipe and clear away some of the blood obscuring her vision whilst Lexa moved one hand away from her gaping wound to push herself along the floor, leaving a trail of red as she did so. Lexa’s only aim was to put some distance between herself and the armed psychopath. “It was your fault… did you know that?” Ontari whispered into the stillness of the room. 

Lexa bit back a whimper as she dragged herself along exacerbating her wound further, “How?” Lexa questioned in response struggling to get the words out through her clenched teeth, “You had no idea I was FBI.”

Ontari let out sickening chuckle that had Lexa’s guts twisting, “I didn’t kill the bitch because she was undercover…”

Lexa froze then, lifting her gaze from the trail of red she was creating back over to Ontari, whose face was sufficiently clear of crimson to give Lexa an unimpeded view of her warped smile due to the bruising and blazing eyes. Ontari, with little to no coordination, staggered to her feet allowing her to stare maliciously down at Lexa who had backed herself against the printing press by accident and left herself no strength to escape. 

Ontari ungracefully chucked the knife to one side, stumbling a few steps to her left where, near the back of the room, Lexa’s gun sat waiting to be picked up. Ontari picked it up clumsily and turned back to face Lexa who stared back defiantly. “I killed her because you wanted her. You wanted her and not me.”

Lexa’s heart that had been racing in her chest seemed to plummet and decrease in pace all at once, as if slowing down to draw out her heartbeats and make time seem to pass infinitely slower. 

_ Costia died because of me.  _

_ And now I’m… _

_ I’m going to leave Aden, all alone. _

_ I promised him… I promised him I would come back. _

Ontari lurched forward, gripping her side at the spot where Lexa had punched her earlier, moving closer to Lexa’s trapped figure.

_ I just found my family… _

_ And now I’m going to lose them. _

_ Aden, Anya, Lincoln… _

_ And Clarke… I just got her back… Just got back all the light she brought with her… _

_ And here I am… alone in the darkness… _

There was an audible click as Ontari took off the safety and towered over Lexa, the gun aimed at her chest.

_ I always knew it would end this way… _

_ Alone and in the dark, _

BANG!

Lexa’s eyes had snapped shut, her mind conjuring the image of the Sunday when everyone had attended Aden’s baseball game. Aden was running from first to second base. Lexa was on her feet cheering loudly for her son, Clarke was beside her equally joyful and incandescently more radiant. Anya and Raven were sat on her other side hands clasped together as they shouted out their support. The Griffins were behind her beaming proudly as they watched Aden and Lexa. Lincoln had turned up late as usual and was watching and clapping from below. Lexa was surrounded by her family and was getting to watch her son enjoy a happy childhood. 

It was the perfect image to leave this world with.

Lexa let out a stuttering breath when after a second she could still feel her heart thumping in her chest, and felt no further pain except from her already inflicted injuries. Lexa slowly opened her eyes.

Ontari was on the floor, completely still, a growing puddle of red drowning the white paper she was laid out on. Lexa blinked once, before turning her head to the side.

“Roan?” Lexa croaked out.

Roan was stood a few feet away, his sister’s gun raised and held out in a trembling hand, his face totally void of emotion, his impeccable suit from earlier was now dirty and dotted with spots of red from the red mist he had created when he shot his sister. 

Roan slowly lowered the gun, letting it hang by his side, his eyes not moving from the lifeless form of Ontari. “Roan?” Lexa murmured again, her voice coming out stronger now as her nerves settled somewhat and the realisation that death had taken a different soul to hers. 

Roan, finally, looked away from the body and met Lexa’s green eyes with his haunted yet determined ones, “I want to make a deal.”

* * *

 

Nia shuffled the papers on her desk around, straightening them up before opening a drawer on her right to gently set them inside of. It was late now, darkness had settled and Nia had received a text from her driver saying he was outside. Nia bent down beside her desk to gather up her bag only to find upon straightening back up that she was no longer alone.

“Lexa Woods.” Nia commented, she wasn’t even remotely surprised that Lexa had come to see her but was taken aback by her appearance. 

The left side of Lexa’s face was mottled with bruises, her lip cut open and her left eye almost swollen shut. She was dressed in baggy grey trousers and a plain white shirt that looked cheap and brand new. She was sat up straight on the leather seat across the desk from Nia, a crutch was leant against her chair and there was a noticeable bulge underneath the trouser leg of her right thigh indicating a significant bandage.

“I see the years haven’t been kind to you, have they?” Nia remarked with a mocking smile as Lexa continued to stare at her with a blank face.

“No, they haven’t.” Lexa agreed honestly with a slight nod of the head. “Though things have significantly improved recently.”

It was the cold glint in the girl’s visible eye that caused the first prickle of unease to settle over Nia. “Are you here to kill me?” Nia asked curiously.

Lexa chuckled cruelly at the question and shook her head gently, “Oh no, Nia… that would be too kind.”

A chilling tingle ran down Nia’s spine, “Excuse me?”

Lexa smirked, leaning forward to give Nia a close up view of the array of injuries littering her face, “Death, it would be too kind for you. After everything you’ve done, you deserve to spend your entire life in a small cell, with no power, no authority and only the smallest glimpse of sunlight. You deserve to live the way you forced so many people in this town to for years.”

Nia pursed her lips tightly, her hands moving to grip the edge of her desk.

_ She has nothing. _

_ It’s a bluff. _

_ I am in control. _

_ I am always in control. _

“For you to lock me away, you would require evidence… proof… which you don’t have.” Nia rebuked, trying to ignore the confidence and swagger that the woman across from her was exuding so effortlessly.

Lexa leant back, folding her hands over her lap, “See… that’s where you’re sorely mistaken.” Lexa’s green eyes glowed malevolently, “I have everything I need.”

The doors to Nia’s office swung open and an entire brigade of FBI agents marched in, with none other than the Director at the head of the convoy, her head raised loftily as she stepped with surety towards the Queen matriarch. The agents broke into two lines, flanking either side of the office and Nia. A large man with an unkempt appearance in a drab suit stood resolutely in the doorway, acting as block for any escape.

_ No. No. NO! _

_ This can’t be! _

“NO!” Nia yelled, overwhelmed by the fear of being trapped. “I AM IN CONTROL HERE!” The older woman pushed back from her desk, getting to her feet and retreating backwards away from the approaching FBI director who didn’t react even slightly to her screams. 

“Nia Queen, you are under arr-”, Beca began to recite neutrally.

“NO! NO!” Nia continued to cry out as Beca belligerently continued to read out her crimes and her Miranda rights whilst the two closest agents nearby stepped forward to apprehend her. Nia futilely tried to bat them away, clawing desperately for freedom. She was eventually forcibly restrained and handcuffed as Beca finished her monologue. 

Nia hated everyone in that room.

Hated every moment of justice being served.

But the thing she hated most above everything else? 

The cold green eyes, and victorious smirk that didn’t for a second look away from her humiliation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god, it's over guys...   
> Reunion chapter next, which I'm super excited to write.   
> By the way, I originally planned to do a straight up 6 month time jump after the reunion to start building for the third arch/crime (before you worry its actually really lighthearted compared to the Queen arch and the Maya arch. It is also super focused on Clexa and is completely set in Skyark so all our (my) favourite characters are involved and flashbacks will start to reveal Titus, which is super exciting).  
> But saying all that, I kind of want to do some short 'snapshots' of fluff to cover the time jump and to make up for the lack of happy cutesy moments I have deprived us all of for the last few months. So far I'm planning halloween and christmas but want to do two more. If anyone has any requests for something let me know whether that's a character's birthday or a more simple domestic moment e.g. Aden goes to the dentist (I know that's a crappy suggestion, don't worry, I have better ideas if no one suggests anything).  
> Also there is loads of Clexa development in the next arch before people worry, it's pretty much the main focus.   
> Last thing (I swear), is there any flashback or past event people are interested in seeing ? (Titus is already planned to be covered in the flashbacks and will obviously be the fourth and final arch so assume the last three years of Lexa's and Aden's lives before coming to Skyark aren't included in this open question).   
> Alright, thanks for reading and I will endeavour to get the next chapter out as soon as possible.


	27. Reunited

It was a slow, almost imperceptible realisation that crept and crawled up on her. 

Anya’s first thought was:  _ there’s something wrapped around my neck _ . 

Her next thought was:  _ there’s something  _ **_tight_ ** _ wrapped around my neck _ . 

Her swollen eyes blinked open and she saw a grey, unemotive sky which was immediately blocked from her sight by a flash of red. The twisted features of her assailant instantly came into view. The only word Anya could think when she saw her attacker was:  _ demon _ . 

It’s skin was rotting and grotesque. Literal flames were burning with pure hatred in the pupils of its eyes. Razor sharp teeth gnashed and ground together, fully visible due to his lips being pulled back into a terrifying snarl that seemed to crack his face in half.

Fear like no other consumed Anya. She tried frantically to scream but no sound was able to squeeze through her forcibly constricted throat. She began to desperately thrash and fight against the hellish being depriving her of oxygen. Her terror rising sharply when she noticed her left arm failed to respond to her commands, acting as a dead weight she couldn’t use to push the monster away. Her right hand scrambled for purchase on the demon’s dark clothes trying to grip anything that would help her gain enough leverage to shove him away. 

Her strength began to wane and darkness started to consume her peripheral vision.

It was then that the realisation that had been building and building in the background finally presented itself. 

_ I’m going to die. _

“ANYA!” The sharp yell and a tight pressure surrounding her right hand yanked Anya from out of the darkness and horror. 

Her eyes snapped open only to quickly fall shut again due to the brightness.

Everything hurt. Her neck felt like it had been burnt from the inside out. Her left arm was throbbing to such a degree she barely resisted the whine of pain. The rest of her body ached awfully all over. Tears gathered behind her closed eyelids and when Anya gathered enough strength to open them again she found that they wouldn’t open all the way. Squinting out through a liquid layer, the brightness slowly lost it’s dazzling effect and a figure began to swim into focus. 

Anya couldn’t believe, especially after her nightmare, that she was being granted such a pleasant vision to behold, “R-r-rav-”, Anya tried to croak out.

“Shh… wait a second.” Raven soothed and Anya realised upon feeling another squeeze that Raven was holding her hand. “Let me get you some water.” Anya wanted to tell her not to bother, unable to bear losing Raven from sight or the warmth and comfort her hand provided.

Thankfully, though, there was an already prepared cup of water placed off to one side so despite letting go of her hand, Raven never had to disappear from view. Raven leaned forward and raised the cup upto Anya’s dry lips and tentatively helped her sip what had to be the best drink Anya had ever had. It soothed her throat and made her mouth feel less like the Sahara. 

“Th- Thank you.” Anya murmured, the words coming much easier now. Raven smiled fondly down at her, placing the empty vessel back on the side freeing her hands so she could retake Anya’s good hand and caress her cheek fondly. Anya let out a sigh of pleasure, her faculties beginning to kick in properly now she felt safe and rejuvenated. Her gaze swept around the room, meticulously absorbing the details.

She was in a hospital room that was easy to figure out. She was hooked up to machines tracking her vitals and also an iv drip. There was a window off to her left and the sun had obviously started to rise allowing light to stream in. The window looked out on a parking lot which didn’t help her identify her actual location or should she say the location of the hospital. There was a sofa under the window and a chair on either side of the bed (none of which looked overly comfortable). Anya’s eyes eventually returned to the best sight in the room. It was only now that she was more with it, Anya could fully take in Raven and the fact that she also looked a lot worse for wear since Anya had left Skyark to go undercover.

The mechanic looked utterly exhausted, dark circles made her bright eyes appear sunken, and her complexion seemed paler than it used to, her hair was messy through lack of attention but what caught Anya’s focus more than anything else was the stitched up cut on her forehead that ran from just above her right eyebrow to her hairline on the left side of her forehead. 

Anya let out a wince of pain when she attempted to lift her left hand to trace the wound and was forced to quickly hide it by stating worriedly, “You’re hurt.”

Raven blinked rapidly in confusion, her jaw dropping open before she worked out that Anya was staring intently at her forehead, clearly hoping to heal the injury through sheer force of will. “Oh… that. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. The doctor said it shouldn’t even leave a scar.” Raven reassured with a smile.

Anya opened and closed her mouth, so many questions overwhelming her, “Raven?” Anya whispered her eyes wide and pleading causing Raven to shift closer and nod her head in encouragement. Anya licked her lips trying to decide where to start, “Where are we?”

Raven tilted her head, “You don’t know?”

Anya shook her head in shame. “I don’t… what happened? To me? To you?”

Raven opened her mouth to speak when they both heard a light knock before the door in the right hand corner of the room gently swung open. Anya buried the fear and confusion forcing herself to look calm and at ease as the white coated woman entered, “Ah, I see that sleeping beauty has finally awoken.” 

“Dr. Griffin?” Anya greeted questioningly, looking from Raven perched on her bed to Abby who was giving her a polite yet genuine smile as she strolled over to the other side of the bed to the mechanic.

“She doesn’t know where we are.” Raven explained softly, her hand retracting from Anya’s face to rest on her forearm instead and give it an affectionate squeeze. 

“That’s understandable.” Abby replied to Raven’s comment, though she spoke directly to Anya, which the FBI agent appreciated especially when she felt so helpless. “You’ve had a rough couple of days, Agent Forrester. You are currently on some pretty strong painkillers and antibiotics as well which probably isn't helping with your disorientation.” Anya nodded in understanding grateful that she had a reason for the fuzziness still fogging up her mind and clouding her memories. “If you haven’t worked it out yet… though considering how sharp Raven and Lexa say you are, you probably already have from my sudden appearance… you are currently at Skyark Hospital.”

“Right.” Anya murmured weakly absorbing and storing away the information.

“Agent Forrester, I know you probably have a lot of questions and I promise Raven and I will answer all of them but I really need to check your injuries over first. Does that sound okay with you?” Abby asked, scrutinising Anya’s face closely for any signs of discomfort with the idea.

“Yeah, as long as you call me Anya from now on.” Anya requested with an attempt at a weak smile that probably looked closer to a grimace. 

Abby beamed at the order, and quickly set to work checking Anya’s injuries closely, questioning her on symptoms and pain levels, taking notes in the chart at the end of her bed and fine tuning the doses of her various medications. Anya also used the check-up to make note of her own injuries, all of them she was pleased to find that she remembered getting. The most gruesome injury was definitely the infected bullet wound, that made Raven look slightly queasy. The mechanic did remark that her injury seemed to have improved from when she had first seen it which made Anya wonder when that had happened.

“Alright, all done. A nurse will be by shortly to change over your iv bag and see if there’s anything you need. Now, what’s the last thing you remember?” Abby inquired, her tone shifting away from professional doctor over to something almost maternal and Anya couldn’t help but see why Lexa, even if she never said it aloud, always secretly yearned for a mother like Abby. 

“I- I-,” Anya glanced between Raven and Abby nervously, “I remember… a man with red hair… holding me down…”, Anya swallowed feeling a sharp stab of pain in her throat, “...strangling me… and that’s... it.” 

“Are you sure?” Abby prompted gently causing Anya to bite her lip uncertainly. 

“Hey, Anya.” Raven whispered quietly, drawing the agent’s gaze over to warm brown eyes that saw right to the heart of the matter, “You’re safe, I promise.”

Anya let out a deep sigh, the invisible, tight band around her head that seemed to increase the pressure on her brain everytime she dared cast back to seek out the memories of her past, lessening ever so slightly. Just enough to give her the strength to close her eyes and remember. 

The demon, who was really a man, was on top of her again, her vision was going black, when she heard two loud bangs. The pressure around her throat disappeared, and a few moments later she was vaguely aware of the weight pressing down on her body vanishing. She could hear her name being called out as if from a great distance away. Her eyes slowly slid open, ready to fight her attacker again, when… Lexa.

“Lexa was there.” Anya gasped out, an even greater terror starting to build within her as the rest of the memories flooded back with great clarity, “She came for me and… so did you.” 

Raven nodded flashing the agent a watery, tired smile, “Of course we did.”

“You got hurt because of me.” Anya felt nauseous at the realisation. 

Raven shook her head vehemently, her rapid speech making its return, “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s a tiny scratch, mostly self-inflicted by my less than stellar driving at that moment in time-”

“Raven, where’s Lexa?” Anya interrupted with a hardened tone.

Anya experienced whiplash like no other when Raven’s mouth snapped shut and she remained silent, unable to fully meet Anya’s eye. 

“Raven.”

“She decided to stay behind.” Raven finally muttered out into the stillness of the room.

“Why?” Anya inquired, a cold edge to the question that had Raven shrinking in size.

“To put an end to the Queens.” 

Anya was moving before she even became consciously aware of the decision to act. Her good arm pushed herself up into a stronger sitting position then reached over to yank back the covers covering her injured body. Two sets of hands appeared, pressing down on her shoulders and uninjured spots to prevent her from getting up.

“Don’t you dare get out of this bed.” Abby commanded with total authority that compelled Anya to obey.

“Anya, please... “ Raven begged desperately, her plea resonating deeply within Anya and getting her to slump back in the bed.

“This is all my fault… If she gets hurt…” Anya choked out, raising her good arm to cover her rapidly tearing up eyes. She felt a light squeeze on her shoulder that disappeared and then she heard the hospital room door close. Abby had presumably left, knowing that Anya wouldn’t want to be seen in such a vulnerable state by a near stranger. 

“This is not your fault.” Raven asserted. 

“She wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me.” Anya sobbed, pressing her forearm into her eyes relishing the sharp pain that came with applying pressure on the bruises. 

There was a dip on the bed followed by fingers wrapping around Anya’s arm and lightly tugging it aside, preventing Anya from causing herself further pain and hiding her devastation. “Lexa’s a grown up, she makes her own decisions and  _ she  _ decided to come after you.  _ She  _ decided to stay. You can not take responsibility for her decisions.” 

“You don’t understand-” Anya shook her head to dismiss Raven’s assertions.

“Yeah, I do. Lexa would go to the ends of the Earth for the people she loves. And you think she made this decision solely because of you.” Raven continued, “But what you’ve forgotten is that Lexa  _ cares.  _ She cares so much that she feels responsible for any injustice she comes across. If she made her decision only taking  _ you _ into consideration… she would have driven you to the hospital herself and sat guard by your bedside.”

Anya opened her mouth to refute what Raven had said but found she couldn’t, Raven had yet again cut right to the truth.

“Lexa stayed because that’s who she is. And you went undercover because that’s who you are. Lexa trusted you to make your own decision and you should trust her in return.” Raven stated firmly, her jaw tight and nostrils flared. Anya couldn’t help but see Lexa’s influence already present in her girlfriend and experienced a flickering urge to smile.

“You’re right.” Anya agreed mumbling quietly, “I’m sorry.”

“You were scared.” Raven simply said, accepting the apology without fuss knowing protesting it would simply make Anya argue back. 

“I can’t lose her.” Anya admitted, her body curling towards Raven who shifted closer. “Aden can’t lose her.”

“You won’t.” Raven promised, placing a kiss on the agent’s forehead in emphasis.

Anya remained snuggled up into the mechanic’s side for a few minutes accepting the comforting touches she was receiving. Eventually, she found her throat beginning to ache again terribly, suffering from the excessive amount of talking and emotional strife that had taken place. Raven instinctively picked up on her discomfort and Anya had to begrudgingly accept the girl’s offer to get more water. 

Raven slowly slid off the bed, placing a kiss on Anya’s cheek and grabbing the empty cup before heading to the door. Anya watched her cross the room, unable to draw her gaze away, open the door and let out a yelp jumping backwards as three people ran into the room. 

“Gremlin.” Anya croaked out, her eyes alighting on the small blonde boy whose bright smile upon seeing her and hearing his nickname illuminated the room far more than the rising sun. Aden sprinted towards her eagerly, clambering onto the bed, Lincoln only a few steps behind, his smile just as big and happy tears running down his cheeks. “Lincoln.” 

“Aunt Anya, you’re back.” Aden cheered, his arms going wide to hug her before Lincoln wrapped an arm around the small boy preventing him from accidentally hurting his aunt by landing on one of her injuries. 

“Careful, kiddo. Your aunt’s a bit tender at the moment.” Lincoln warned gently causing the small boy to deflate and look guilty. 

“My right side is fine. Get in here, gremlin.” Anya ordered lifting her arm up for Aden to duck under and cuddle into her side. Anya made eye contact with Lincoln over blonde hair and gestured her head for him to get in on the hug too which he didn’t even attempt to fake grumble about or suggest he wasn’t interested.

Anya was surrounded and being embraced by her family, the only person missing was-

“Where’s Lexa?” 

 

* * *

 

It was as if everything went into slow motion with that one question,  _ then again it could have just been the painkillers kicking in…  _ Anya thought to herself. 

Aden and Lincoln’s heads slowly turned to take in the entire room, searching for green eyes and brown hair and finding none. Anya, though, couldn’t take her eyes of Clarke. Clarke who encapsulated devastation, her face falling and her shoulders slumping as Raven struggled to find a response. But what really caught Anya’s attention above anything else was the moment Clarke caught sight of Aden staring at her hopefully, her expression immediately shifted into one of calmness and resolve, storing away her own fears in order to soothe Aden’s. 

“Sh-she…”, Anya tried to croak out and explain but her throat was aching intensely now after the burst of emotion. 

“Anya, let me.” Raven insisted, regaining control upon seeing Anya try to intervene on her behalf.

“Why don’t we get settled, then you can tell us everything.” Clarke suggested, hurrying over to check on Aden seated by Anya’s side and falling into the armchair by the bed. The small boy instantly leant and looked towards the other blonde seeking comfort that Clarke gave without hesitation. Lincoln moved round to take the armchair on Anya’s other side whilst Raven eased down onto the foot of the bed, lightly patting Anya’s leg, always seeking out contact, as if to remind herself that Anya was really there. 

“Alright, I’ll get straight to the point,” Raven began, smiling weakly when Clarke nodded her head gratefully, “Lexa decided to stay behind to help with the investigation into the Queens, she was unhurt when I left and I’m sure she’s staying out of trouble.” Anya barely resisted rolling her eyes at that last part, her and Lincoln exchanging a knowing glance that said they both knew if there was trouble Lexa would always be in the thick of it. 

“Ma’s not coming back yet?” Aden asked with a worried frown.

“Not yet… but soon.” Raven replied honestly, unsure exactly what to say and looking between Clarke and Anya, who were flanking either side of the small boy, both their focus on Aden’s emotional state above their own. Aden let out a deep sigh and flopped back, allowing Anya to wrap her good arm back around her nephew and hold him close.

“Can you tell us what else happened?” Lincoln pushed with a hard frown, Anya quickly noticing the dark glare he was casting at Anya’s injuries and the way his hands had curled into fists. 

Raven spent the next half an hour filling them all in on what had happened, there was obviously heavy censorship due to Aden’s presence and Anya reminded herself to get the full story especially with regard to the mundane bar trip and Lexa ‘stumbling’ upon a car for them to use. Raven would have taken longer to tell them everything but Clarke reminded her that Aden had school, so she stuck to the highlights as much as possible. 

The blondes departed once they were fully informed, Anya didn’t like letting Aden go especially when his worry for his mother was apparent but the way the boy looked to Clarke for support made Anya appreciate that he was being well-cared for, even Lincoln deferred to Clarke without protest when it came to Aden. On the way out, Clarke asked Anya to make sure Raven got some rest during the day and promised (for Aden and Anya’s benefit) that they would come back as soon as school finished. 

Lincoln stayed behind, brooding heavily and barely speaking, Anya eyeing him warily. Once Raven had gotten Anya a drink and helped her sip happily from it, Anya felt comfortable enough to use her voice again, “Raven?”

“Yeah?” Raven responded with a yawn.

“Why don’t you go home for a bit? Get some sleep?” Anya suggested softly.

Raven’s eyes went wide with hurt and confusion, “You want me to go?”

Anya exhaled deeply, holding out her good hand to pull Raven close. “Of course, I don’t want you to go. I want my incredibly beautiful girlfriend with me all the time, but… in all honestly you look like shit.” Raven gasped out in offense, her eyebrows drawing together in mock anger. “You deserve to go home, shower and rest. You have been looking after me non-stop and this is the only thing I can do to return some of the care you’ve shown me.” Anya tugged on their clasped hands, gently dragging Raven down to her and giving her a light kiss. 

“Okay…” Raven sighed out after the kiss. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Anya nodded, smiling ever so slightly at the dazed expression on the mechanic’s face. “Don’t worry, Lincoln will keep me out of trouble.” Lincoln let out a hum in agreement, but he was still sat tensely in his chair. 

Raven collected her belongings and made towards the door freezing as her hand curled around the handle to look back at Anya with wide, hopeful eyes. “Girlfriend?”

“Yeah, is that alright with you?” Anya asked with an arched eyebrow already knowing the answer by how Raven’s eyes twinkled with joy. 

“Absolutely.” Raven cheered, her energy level increasing enough for her to skip out the hospital room.

Anya waited until the door clicked shut and a minute of awkward silence had passed. “What’s going on in that head of yours, big guy?” Anya finally demanded to know, giving an appraising look to the hunched over bartender. 

“Thank you.” Lincoln murmured, lifting his head to stare up at one of his oldest friends with tears in his eyes.

“About bloody time… but just so I know for posterity… what are you thanking me for?” Anya prompted, wishing Lincoln was sat on her other side so she could reach out for him.

Lincoln bit his lip and dragged his chair forward, his hands hovering above Anya’s bed as if scared that he would be sent away. Anya rolled her eyes and twitched the fingers on her bad side to encourage Lincoln to make contact. “It was all your doing. If you… if you hadn’t come to see me at the rehab centre, I would never have found my family. I would have missed out on Lexa, on Aden… on you.”

“You would’ve gotten there eventually…” Anya whispered tenderly.

“No. No, I wouldn’t have. I needed tough love and… Lexa… could never do that.” Lincoln’s head drooped with shame, his forehead resting against Anya’s side. “You and Lexa are the most important people in my life… and we never say that to each other. I never even said I love you, to you… not seriously at least.”

“We never felt the need to.” Anya tried to shrug, but she had to admit what he was saying was true and stuck a hollow note in the pit of her stomach. Lexa and Lincoln were her family and she barely ever openly stated that, never affirmed that she loved them, that they mattered to her. 

“After everything we’ve been through…” Lincoln choked out, “Life’s too short not to tell the people that matter that you love them.”

“I love you, Linc.” Anya said sincerely, hating that the words felt foreign and difficult to say, as she placed her good hand on her friend’s head and stroked her thumb back and forth in an affectionate gesture.

“I love you too.” Linc replied, resting his head on Anya’s leg sleepily.

Anya chuckled, “Do you think saying that will get easier?”

“With you? Definitely not.” Lincoln cut back with a smirk.

 

 

* * *

 

The two old friends spent the rest of the day together, talking about the past and their plans for the future now that they both promised to be more open with their affection for one another. Lincoln brought Anya up to speed on how Aden was managing and how Clarke had stepped up to the plate when Lincoln faltered. Anya, in turn, filled in some of the blanks to Raven’s story regarding her specifically that had been heavily censored with Aden present. Lincoln demanded to know what had happened to the man that had been strangling Anya and she admitted that she wasn’t sure but considering he had received two shots to the back courtesy of Lexa, she didn’t fancy his chances which seemed to appease the big man. 

Raven returned looking far more refreshed in the mid-afternoon. She looked momentarily uncertain about intruding on the two old friends’ conversation but Lincoln and Anya both gestured for her to join in, Anya resting her voice as Lincoln began to tell Raven an unending stream of embarrassing stories about Anya’s various antics over the years. Clarke and Aden returned not much later bearing an inordinate amount of food from ‘The Hub’ for everyone. The group of them eat together purposefully ignoring the fact that the person who had brought them altogether in the first place wasn’t with them. Aden clambered back on to the bed enjoying the time with his returned aunt as Lincoln continued his unrelenting teasing of the agent whose aching vocal chords prevented her from interrupting much to her chagrin. 

Anya promised herself that she would get her revenge when he least expected it. 

Clarke insisted on taking Raven and Aden back to Polis Hill House where they could get plenty of sleep. Lincoln, who had gotten Monty to run the bar that night, asked a nurse for a spare pillow and blanket so he could sleep on the couch and be there for his friend. It was Lincoln staying that let Raven feel comfortable enough to concede to Clarke’s demands. 

The next morning, Abby returned to do another check-up rousing Lincoln from his deep slumber. Raven texted not much later to say she would come by the hospital once she had checked in on her auto-shop to make sure Wick hadn’t burnt the place down during her time away. Lincoln headed off not much later, having to handle a stock delivery to ‘Grounders’, but he promised to be back after it had all been put away.

Anya settled into her bed, already feeling significantly better than she had done the day before. Her left arm was improving and the swelling on her face and around her neck had gone down immensely. 

Anya’s mind drifted here, there and everywhere until she heard a knock at her hospital room door, half an hour or so after Lincoln had left. “Come in.” Anya called out, as loudly as she could with her strained vocal chords. The door slowly creaked open and none other than Nyko strolled in, stopping to hold the door open and give Anya a wide, reassuring smile.

“Nyko, you’re-” Anya started to greet her partner, but this was abandoned as soon as she who else had arrived.

“Lexa!” Anya yelped, unable to stop herself when she saw the state of her best friend. 

Lexa was on crutches, her right leg held off the ground, and no matter how baggy her grey sweatpants were they did absolutely nothing to hide the large bandage that must have been wrapped around her right thigh. Bruises littered her bare arms, and her face was an absolute mess. The left side of her face looked like it had been hit by a truck, only her right eye was visible, and there was a stitched up cut dissecting the left side of her mouth. Anya wanted to rush from the bed and swoop her friend up but Lexa was already crossing the distance, perfectly at ease on her set of crutches. Lexa reached the armchair and fell heavily into it, flashing Anya a heavily fatigued half-smile. Lexa made to open her mouth but Anya got there first.

“I am so, so sorry.” Anya whispered brokenly, the sight of Lexa’s visible injuries a far worse torture than all of her own wounds put together. 

Lexa leant her crutches against the nearby wall whilst Nyko came to flank her side having followed behind her, unnecessarily concerned with catching the Sheriff, if she stumbled or fell. “Anya, you did nothing wrong.” Lexa said sharply, wincing in pain as she reached forward to grasp Anya’s hand tenderly, and when Anya saw the bruised, cracked skin of Lexa’s knuckles, something  _ broke  _ within her. 

“I won’t go back there, I promise. I’ll leave it alone.” Anya promised fervently, gripping Lexa’s hand tightly and gently in her own as if to check that she was actually real. 

“Anya-” Lexa tried to cut in with a poorly executed eyebrow raise, her signature expression heavily impacted by her facial injuries.

“They’re not worth it. They’re not worth losing you. They’re not worth losing my family.” Anya stammered out, her heart like lead in her chest upon remembering everything she had convinced herself she had nearly lost when she blacked out from lack of oxygen. 

“Anya, it’s over.” Nyko said with his normal monotone, his eyes wide and his head tilted to one side in confusion. 

“I know that. I understand, really.” Anya said earnestly.

“Anya, listen to me.” Lexa requested with her authoritative commander voice that had Anya quietening down enough to stare into the bright green eye scrutinising her closely. “The Queen’s are finished.” Lexa stated, emphasising each word loudly and clearly, an effort that stretched the stitches on her lip painfully and gave Anya a point of focus.

“Finished?” Anya repeated in complete perplexity.

Lexa glanced over at Nyko and gave him a nod, knowing his familiar, factual voice and uninjured appearance would help Anya absorb the information far better than Lexa’s distracting damaged image, “Roan turned on his mother.”

“He what?”

“Nia is currently in custody, looking at spending the rest of her life in a very small cell. The entire Azgeda gang is being round up and dismantled.” Nyko continued, revealing the very thing Anya had dreamt of hearing for months, years even, with the same tone that he would use if this was any other case.

Anya’s jaw dropped and she looked between her partner and best friend unable to accept what she was hearing. “I- I-...”

“It’s over, Anya.” Lexa repeated almost pleading with her to believe, her green eye shining with pure hope and accomplishment.

_ Six years. _

_ Six years since I failed Costia.  _

_ Six years knowing that those guilty for her death were walking free.  _

“What about Ontari?” Anya asked, needing there to be no loose end before she allowed herself to breakdown, to fully embrace this new reality where her demons were vanquished.

Nyko froze, and the soft care in Lexa’s green eye vanished to be replaced with something far colder and darker, something Anya hadn’t seen since Titus. “She’s dead.” Nyko answered coolly, his gaze solely focused on Lexa who belligerently ignored him. “Lexa killed her. Self-defence.”

“Really?” Anya had to ask the Sheriff, needing the confirmation.

Lexa’s jaw tightened to steel and her nostrils flared almost imperceptibly, her green eye moving away from Anya to stare directly at Nyko with something like defiance. “Yes, I killed her.”

Anya exhaled slowly, a weight she had been carrying for years lifting off her shoulders and causing a dam of emotions to breakthrough. A slither of pure fear and hatred for the world that had pierced her heart and remained buried inside easing itself free ever so slightly. 

It wasn’t until she heard the gasp and Raven’s voice calling out her name that Anya realised she had been crying, her entire body wracked over with sobs, for who knows how long. Lexa had been carefully stroking her fingers through Anya’s hair and muttering reassuring sentiments of comfort, soon though Raven was sliding onto the bed to wrap her arms around the agent and pull her close, something Lexa had been unable to do with her injured leg. 

“It’s over.” Anya kept muttering again and again until her voice gave out.

  
  


* * *

 

Clarke tapped her fingers relentlessly on her desk, trying and failing to concentrate on the patient’s notes she was supposed to be typing up before her eleven thirty appointment with Mr. Jameson and his ever recurring gout. At least her attention span seemed slightly improved since yesterday when she had continuously called Georgina Violet by her sister’s name no matter how many times Georgina had reminded her and zoned out whilst Mr. Fredrickson explained the limited mobility of his elbow in excruciating detail. 

Anya’s return was a miracle but, Clarke hated to say it knowing how utterly selfish it was, it wasn’t the miracle she had asked for. Lexa was still in danger and that thought was constantly there, itching at the back of her mind. Clarke had been separated from Lexa for ten years and part of her thought she should be able to cope with this minor parting with ease but it was wholly different to last time. Last time, Clarke had been drowning in her own personal pain convincing herself that Lexa was somewhere better with people that would never hurt her. 

This time? 

This time, Clarke had done everything right and Lexa wanted her, wanted to be with her. They should be texting each other cute messages, having makeout sessions at lunchtime in their respective offices, going on cheesy dates, playing video games with Aden… simply being with each other. But what made this time so much worse… was the fact that Clarke knew Lexa wasn’t somewhere better, wasn’t with better people. She was somewhere dangerous, surrounded by people who would do her harm. 

And that… that took away the small piece of comfort Clarke had during their first time apart. 

At least with Anya’s return Aden had settled somewhat, his faith in his mother’s superpowers restored and he was absolutely convinced Lexa would return once she had saved the day. Clarke did everything she could to preserve that belief, burying her own uncertainty and putting on a matching expression of conviction. 

Clarke cracked her now severely suffering back after her third night in the armchair, and finished adding the last few details to her notes just in time for Eric to knock and tell her that her next appointment had arrived. Mr. Fredrickson was a gouty delight as always who insisted on ignoring all of her medical guidance. Lunch rolled round and she was considering skipping it until none other than Murphy arrived with his typical frown. Clarke raised an eyebrow at his appearance but he merely shrugged and explained that Lexa would want him to make sure she eats, he then proceeded to frog march her to ‘The Hub’ where Octavia and Monty were already sat. 

Clarke knew then that she had redeemed herself in Murphy’s eyes, had earned a special, high trusted place that was only available to a select few, and her chest expanded with pride at the realisation. 

Murphy had obviously invited Octavia and Monty fearing that he would be unable to maintain a conservation for the whole meal just the two of them, Clarke, however, definitely disagreed with that assessment especially considering she spent the majority of lunch pestering Murphy for photos and stories of his son Alex that he was all too happy to share. Octavia and Monty talked about their work and Clarke was grateful for the distraction that their catch-up provided. 

Murphy insisted on walking her back to her office, wanting to take a moment to genuinely ask how she was coping. Clarke, without Aden present, was able to share her real fears and Murphy listened attentively. He didn’t offer inane phrases to try and ease her worries, he just listened and stated softly at the end that he felt the exact same. Clarke couldn’t resist pulling him into a tight hug following that declaration, ignoring his grumbled protestations, and she whispered a thank you alongside a goodbye.

Clarke walked back into her practice, her step ever so slightly lighter, and found Eric lingering in the waiting room for her. “Good lunch?” The doctor asked cheerfully, amused by the polite and professional nod from the nurse. “You know, smiling is allowed in the workplace, right? In fact it’s encouraged, supposedly it’s good for your health.”

Eric chuckled and rolled his eyes before gesturing towards her office, “Patient waiting for you.”

“You let them go in?” Clarke questioned, slightly taken aback as Eric knew not to let a patient enter her office without her permission in case there were other patient details lying around.

“They have a bad leg, I thought it was best for them to wait on the exam bed. I checked there were no other files out and left theirs on your desk.” Eric explained, with a look of trepidation, worried that he had made the wrong decision.

Clarke let out a sigh of relief and shook her head, mentally kicking herself for even considering that Eric would ever make an error in judgement. He was the best nurse Clarke had ever worked with and she swore she would make sure he knew that in his Christmas bonus. 

“Thanks Eric, that’s perfect.” Clarke said sincerely, moving towards her office but not before throwing over her shoulder with a smirk, “Don’t forget the smiling thing. I want people to think I am a benevolent tyrant in this office.” Eric laughed in response and returned to his desk as Clarke pushed the door to her office open, shutting it behind herself, “Hello, how can-”

Clarke abandoned her question and went rigid upon seeing who was waiting for her with an uncertain, awkward smile. 

Lexa. Her Lexa.

Injured and wounded in front of her. 

Smiling shyly at her with that precious small smile.

Her smile that was almost split in half by a stitched up cut.

Bright forest green staring at her with open affection and vulnerability. 

Only from one eye though, her other one hidden by blue, swollen flesh.

“Hi.” Lexa whispered softly when Clarke continued to stare at her in dumb silence, unable to reconcile the conflicting emotions warring inside of her.

Hatred beyond anything she had ever experienced coursed through her veins. She wanted to find the person responsible for hurting the woman she loved and inflict equal pain upon them.

Relief and pure joy, though, were screaming at her to wrap her arms around Lexa and never let her go.

Clarke’s hands twitched by her sides indecisively.

“Clarke… come here.” Lexa ordered gently, her green eye shining with compassion as she lifted her arms up and held them open for Clarke to step forwards into. 

Clarke choked out a breath and stumbled forward, her arms wrapping around Lexa’s waist and her head burying itself into the crook of her neck breathing in that autumn scent that was intrinsically Lexa’s. One of Lexa’s hands threaded its fingers into blonde hair at the nape of the doctor’s neck whilst she placed the other hand on the small of Clarke’s back, holding her as close as possible as Lexa proceeded to drop kiss after kiss onto the top of the blonde’s head.

“I’m okay, I swear I’m okay.” Lexa soothingly murmured, the hand on Clarke’s back stroking up and down comfortingly to release the pent up tension coiled in Clarke’s muscles. 

Clarke merely tightened the hug in response, pulling Lexa flush against her, needing her solid physical presence to truly believe she was back. 

“I’m home. I came back. I'll alway come back.” Lexa reassured, ending her statement by craning her neck so she could place her lips firmly against Clarke’s temple.

Clarke stuttered out a breath upon feeling the warmth and softness of Lexa’s lips on her skin, her eyes fluttering closed at the sensation and the fireflies igniting in her system. 

“You better.” Clarke threatened directly into Lexa’s ear causing the Sheriff to shiver. Admittedly, the effect of Clarke’s threat was significantly undercut by the croak in her voice. Clarke untucked her face from Lexa’s neck so she could stare directly into that piercing green she adored. “And you also better stop coming back with new scars to add to the collection.” 

Lexa smiled crookedly at her, the left side of her face unable to lift up in unison with her right, her eye twinkling with affection and amusement. “Is that an order from the benevolent dictator of the office?”

Clarke snorted, her hands carefully trailing up from Lexa’s waist to her sides to her shoulders before resting on either side of her neck, her thumbs brushing the underside of her sharp jawline. “It most definitely is.” Clarke leant forward, resting her forehead against Lexa’s, breathing out her next words sternly against the Sheriff’s lips. “And I suggest you follow it if you know what’s good for you.” 

Lexa’s hand that was still threaded through blonde hair encouraged Clarke to cross the last few inches to bring their lips together. Clarke’s heart that had been slightly torn and emptied during their time apart finally felt fully stitched back together and whole again as Lexa’s lips moved over hers in gentle exploration. Clarke forced herself to cherish every movement, every light touch, nip, brush and sound of enjoyment. 

However, a few seconds into their kiss, Lexa let out a minor wince of pain when Clarke accidentally put too much pressure on the bad side of her mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry.” Clarke apologised, jolting backwards, her hands retracting from Lexa’s face that she had been cupping and dropping down to rest on Lexa’s legs with the intent to rub her thighs in comfort.

“Fuck.” Lexa grunted out, in response to what was meant to be a soothing act, her hand quickly grabbing Clarke’s to lift off her leg. Clarke glanced down and saw that there was a significant bulge of a bandage underneath Lexa’s sweatpants.

“Lexa…”, Clarke muttered, her eyes wide as she stared at Lexa’s leg hanging off the edge of the bed limply. 

“It’s just a scratch.” Lexa said quickly, squeezing Clarke’s hand to try and distract her from her thoughts.

“Don’t.” Clarke rebuked sharply, a glint of ice in her blue eyes when she glared at Lexa who deflated at the coldness. “Don’t lie and say it’s nothing. Not when I lo-”, Clarke’s voice cut out upon seeing the look of pure fear on Lexa’s face, so instead of speaking the truth when Lexa wasn’t ready to hear it, she intertwined her fingers with Lexa’s and shook her head despondently. 

Lexa sighed, the lines and creases on her expression easing as she exhaled. “Stab wound. It’s pretty bad.” Lexa stated her head downcast.

Clarke felt her insides twist uncomfortably and nausea swirl in the pit of her stomach, she forced it down and bit her lip, “Alright,” she said brusquely taking a quick step back, retreating out of Lexa’s arms, ignoring the flash of hurt on the Sheriff’s face that was hidden away with the commander mask. “Take your pants off.”

The commander disappeared immediately to be replaced with a bewildered and flustered Lexa. “Ex-excuse me?”

“You heard me. Pants off.” Clare repeated with the tone she used when directing the emergency room following a catastrophe. 

“Uhhh…”

“I want to see your injury and make sure whatever random sawbones you saw gave you proper treatment. If I’m not happy, I am sending you to my mother and she can use her surgery skills to reduce the likelihood of a scar.” Clarke explained, gesturing with her hand for Lexa to get on with it. 

Lexa gulped in return, grumbling as she shuffled back from the edge of the exam bed. “I was really hoping the next time I got undressed with you would be much more fun.”

“Well, there’s your incentive not to get stabbed again.” Clarke huffed back. 

“Fine.” Lexa acquiesced with a pout, her hands moving to push down the sweat pants she had on. “Whilst I’m stripping off… is there a chance I can ask for a favour?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, “I don’t think so. All ‘fun’ is going to be on hold until you’re cleared for duty.”

Lexa smirked seductively which would have had Clarke throwing her only just made rule out the window if Lexa hadn’t been struggling pathetically with getting her pants off her lower legs. her injury limiting her mobility. “I wouldn’t call it a duty, more an honour and a privilege.”

“Uh huh.” Clarke said, stepping forward to help Lexa out, “Still not happening.”

“Spoilsport.” Lexa whined whilst Clarke began examining the bandage and the vicious injury underneath the white cloth spotted with red. “That wasn’t what I was going to ask though…” Lexa said shyly and Clarke could feel Lexa watching her closely out the corner of her eye. “I know you have already done a lot… watching Aden… Anya told me you’ve been amazing and I can’t begin to say how truly thankful-

“Looking after Aden… now that was a true honour. You don’t have to thank me.” Clarke cut in with complete sincerity. 

“I want to.” Lexa reached out and cupped Clarke’s cheek delicately with her hand, lightly encouraging her to turn her head and meet her eye. “Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa’s gratitude was heartfelt and utterly sincere resulting in a blistering red blush consuming the doctor’s features. 

“Always.” Clarke turned her head to the side and kissed Lexa’s palm affectionately, “You’re a very distracting patient by the way.”

“Sorry.” Lexa mumbled in a tone that wasn’t even remotely apologetic, and retreated her hand back to her side. 

“What did you want to ask me?” Clarke prompted, letting out a relieved hum when she was satisfied that Lexa’s wound had been well-tended to.

“Is there any chance… umm… once you’ve finished work that is… of you coming with me to get Aden from school?” Clarke, who had been in the process of grabbing Lexa’s sweat pants froze and looked at Lexa in surprise. Surprise half caused by the fact that Lexa wanted to share her reunion with her son and half from how Lexa could think for even a second that Clarke would say no. “I know you haven’t had much time to yourself, so are probably desperate for some quiet… but I don’t… I just...”, Lexa ducked her head and stared intently at the floor before whispering, “I want you around.”

Clarke’s hands trembled slightly with the sheer love she struggled to contain in that moment, and reached out and lightly placed her hands on either side of Lexa’s face, being especially gentle with her swollen left side. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Clarke confessed before proceeding to kiss the right corner of Lexa’s mouth.

 

* * *

 

Once Clarke had helped Lexa get dressed and handed her the crutches leant against the corner of the room, the brunette made her way out of the office where Clarke was grateful to discover that Eric had thought ahead and taken the liberty of setting up Dante’s old office for Lexa to rest in. Clarke realised how fatigued Lexa must be when she didn't put up any resistance to the doctor ordering her to nap on the exam bed, only asking for Clarke to check on her when she got a chance. Clarke quickly agreed to the condition gifting Lexa a parting kiss and covering her in one the blankets stored at the practice before going to see Eric with the intent of thanking him for the surprise he had helped to set up despite it going against his professional standards. Eric accepted the gratitude with a shrug and handed the blonde the case files for her upcoming appointments.

The afternoon passed at an alternating tempo of unbelievably fast and incredibly slow. Time passed in the blink of an eye whenever she managed to grab a couple of minutes between patients to check in on the Sheriff. Her actual appointments though felt excruciatingly long, especially when Lexa was literally a room away pouting everytime Clarke refused to curl up and nap with her. 

As soon as Clarke’s last patient slowly made her way out of the office, the Doctor was zooming around the space collecting up her various items and throwing on her coat. Lexa was already up and stood near the entrance of the practice and Clarke practically ran to her, throwing the keys to the practice back at Eric who had kindly offered to lock up so the two women could get to the school just before the last bell and be there waiting for Aden. 

Lexa was like an impatient puppy on the drive to school and she pestered Clarke non-stop for every little detail about her son whilst she was away. Clarke had filled her in on Aden during their immediate reunion once the doctor had examined the brunette’s stab wound and then after Lexa awoke, following her hour long nap, Clarke would share every little thing she could think of about Aden over the last three days.

Lexa had looked devastated upon hearing how her son had struggled with her departure and Clarke had to hold the mother close and offer comfort. The story of Emerson’s son had Lexa’s jaw flexing tightly and Clarke offering in all sincerity to teepee his house or key his car which had produced a smirk from Lexa. (Clarke most definitely noted how Lexa didn’t explicitly say no to her suggestions and promised herself that Emerson would definitely be receiving a trick that year for Halloween). Clarke then revealed that she took Aden to Lexa’s old house and succeeded in getting Aden to open up, that earned Clarke a tight hug and kisses on her neck that had her completely useless during her next appointment. 

“I can’t wait to see him.” Lexa said softly once Clarke had parked her car and turned off the engine.

“Not long now.” Clarke replied, intertwining her hand with Lexa’s as they waited. 

The bell went and Lexa was out of the car in a flash, grabbing her crutches from the backseat, and dashing forward. Clarke decided to stay in the car to watch the reunion, not wanting to intrude on the moment. 

Children started to run out the front doors of the school in small clusters, shouting and giggling at the highest volume they could manage. Lexa turned her head from left to right steadily scanning the area for blonde hair and soulful blue. Once the main body of students had raced past, Clarke caught a glimpse of curly black hair accompanied by a flash of gold. 

Charlotte and Aden were walking down the steps talking quietly to one another when the young girl glanced up and spotted Lexa beaming at them as best she could with her swollen features. Charlotte came to a sudden stop and jabbed Aden with her elbow to get his attention. Clarke smiled whilst watching Aden pout and rub at his ribs, his expression going slack as he listened to Charlotte who pointed over to Lexa. 

Aden’s head turned slowly and settled on his mother. The young boy froze, his eyes wide. Clarke’s breath caught in her throat and tears began to sting at the back of her eyes when she saw Aden’s signature grin reappear and preempt him sprinting towards his Ma. 

Lexa dropped her crutches to the ground without a care and held her arms open for her son who dived into the hug. The collision probably hurt but not once did Lexa’s face flicker with pain, instead she looked totally joyous as she held the small boy close to her and ran her fingers through his hair properly messing it up.

It wasn’t until the other kids had more or less left that the mother and son finally let each other go and made their way back to the car. Charlotte had hung back to say goodbye to Aden and welcome back the Sheriff who thanked the young girl for looking after her son for the past few days causing Charlotte to blush with pride. By the time the little family returned to Clarke’s car, the doctor had managed to clear away the happy tears that had fallen and readily accepted the quick kiss from Lexa when she settled back into the front seat, Aden keen to take her crutches and help his Ma as best as he could. 

Aden talked almost non-stop during the car journey to the hospital, Clarke loved hearing the boy’s voice after his quietness over the past couple of days. The afternoon and early evening were spent in Anya’s hospital room, where Lexa was forced by Abby, the only person Lexa was incapable of disobeying, to lay on the couch with her leg raised by resting her feet on Clarke’s lap. Aden perched on the edge of the couch resting his back against his Ma’s side, her arm wrapped around her son’s waist to keep him close and secure. Lincoln was sat in one of the armchairs whilst Raven was laid back on the bed with Anya. The Griffins provided dinner for the large party, Abby using her sway to make sure the hospital visitation limit wasn’t enforced. 

Clarke was quiet for most of the time, choosing to simply soak up the happy atmosphere that came with everyone she loved being all together again, safe and sound. 

Lexa was falling asleep after consuming an excessive amount of food and with Abby’s help ( _ authoritative tone _ ), Clarke was able to usher the Woods back to her car and drive them home without too much fuss. Raven decided to stay a little longer and return to the apartment, now suitable for living in again, once she was ready to leave. 

Upon arriving back at the house, Aden and Clarke both eagerly aided Lexa in getting upstairs and settled in her room. Aden left to get changed into pyjamas, whilst Clarke got herself and Lexa changed. Aden quickly returned to snuggle up to his Ma and Clarke made to leave but was pulled back by Aden who insisted that she stay to watch a disney film on Lexa’s laptop perched on the end of the bed.

Clarke relented, laying down on the other side of Aden and glancing over at the brunette who was giving her the softest smile imaginable. Both of the Woods fell asleep halfway through the film, not that Clarke could blame them, Lexa was still recovering and the stress Aden had been carrying had finally left his system once he had his mother back causing him to crash. Clarke switched off the laptop, taking it off the end of the bed to ensure it wouldn’t fall during the night and switched off the lamp on the bedside table. She gave the Woods another cursory glance to make sure they were asleep and settled comfortably, ready to sneak out and sleep in the guest bedroom. Lexa was laid out close to the centre of the bed, a pillow underneath her leg, and Aden’s back pressed against her side, the small boy frowning adorably in his sleep. 

“Stay.”

Clarke stopped halfway between the bed and the door and turned back to see a green eye watching her affectionately as a tanned, bruised hand lightly tapped the free space to her right.

“Please, stay.” Lexa murmured repeating the gentle plea. 

Clarke smiled lightly, retracing her steps, sliding back into the spot she had only just vacated and twisting to lay on her side and stare at Lexa’s profile. “I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke whispered back, taking hold of Lexa’s hand and placing a kiss on Lexa’s temple before settling her head fully on the pillow.

“Neither am I.” Lexa breathed out, lifting their now joined hands up and placing them on her chest, Clarke’s palm facing down so the blonde could feel the strong and steady beat of her heart. 


	28. Snapshots: Rest and Recuperation

Clarke was positively fuming and reining in her temper wasn’t exactly one of the strongest skills in her wheelhouse. 

Her anger tended to simmer and flare begging relentlessly to be unleashed, and it would spit out in the form of sarcastic comments, pointed glares and snubbed interactions but if forced down for too long she was guaranteed to get into an argument she would have to profusely apologise for later. Knowing how bad her temper could be and how poorly she was at hiding her negative emotions when it came to irritation, annoyance, frustration and anger, she kept a tight leash on it. 

That tight leash, however, was straining under the wave upon wave of frustration one Lexa Woods was insisting on throwing at her every chance she got.

Lexa had been back for four days. 

It had been four days since she had suffered a broken rib, a deep stab wound to the leg and severe bruising to the face.  

_ ONLY FOUR BLOODY DAYS! _

And Lexa was ignoring every piece of medical advice she had been given by her assigned doctor at the Skyark Hospital and Clarke. Lexa took the barest minimum of her pain medication and that was only when Clarke bribed her with kisses and cuddles. But that wasn’t even the worst part. 

Lexa refused to rest and recuperate. 

Clarke would look away for a second and Lexa was on her feet, moving around and trying to go about her normal daily routine as if she didn’t have a full on gaping wound in her leg. 

It was driving Clarke up the wall. 

_ How could Lexa not take her recovery more seriously? _

Seeing those new additions to Lexa’s collection of scars always made Clarke’s stomach tighten and plummet, especially since Lexa seemed to barely even register them against all the others, as if they were only a small drop of water in the entire ocean that had been the pain she had gone through during their decade apart. 

Clarke wanted to help, to look after Lexa like she deserved to be taken care of, but the most Lexa had ever let her help was that first night she had come back and that was only to help her up the stairs. From the next day onwards, Lexa would wave Clarke off dismissively whenever the blonde tried to support her up or down the stairs, or tried to insist that Lexa let her and Aden take over her chores. 

The tipping point for Clarke had very nearly come that Sunday morning when she had woken up in bed to find herself clinging tightly to Lexa’s pillow rather than the Sheriff herself. Clarke had stumbled out of bed and hurried downstairs to find Lexa struggling to bend down and retrieve plates to serve up the set of pancakes she had been making onto. Sweat was dripping down the brunette’s normally tanned skin which had shifted to a pale sickly grey as she staggered back up to her full height. 

Clarke’s anger had blazed into a wildfire and it took everything she had not to yell and angrily reprimand Lexa for being so  _ stupid  _ with her health. 

If it had been a decade ago when they were best friends, she would have been forceful about getting Lexa to sit down and take it easy. Hell if it had been a couple of weeks ago, before they had started dating, she would have at least voiced her concerns without hesitation. The issue was that Clarke was extraordinarily aware of the fact they had only been dating for two weeks, only gone on three (realistically two) dates and had only slept together once. 

Clarke didn’t know where she really stood in terms of what she could ask of Lexa.

They hadn’t even had the girlfriend talk.

Despite that, this was still the most serious relationship Clarke had ever been in. 

She had dated Charlie the quarterback through high school, but there was nothing long term there and no real interest in commitment. Then there had been Finn, who she had kind of gone on a few dates with not that she really realised they were dates at the time as she only really wanted a friend at university. After Finn, Clarke had gone on one or two dates during college but she prioritised studying and, once they were friends, Raven over finding romance. Then came the long shifts in the Emergency Room which Clarke gave her all to, she dated another doctor for a month or two but nothing had come of it as neither really wanted to put the other over their work. Once Clarke returned to Skyark, she had participated in a handful of set-ups arranged by Octavia but none made it past a second date. Clarke wasn’t a serial romancer or a seeker of one night stands, her heart just was never in it. And it wasn’t until Lexa came back that she worked out the reason for that was because Lexa had taken Clarke’s heart with her when she had left. 

This relationship was the one for Clarke, she had made that commitment to herself last Sunday and because of that she was terrified of destroying it before it had really had the chance to grow.

So Clarke was being careful in these early days, trying to act more like someone who had only been on two dates rather than the long term girlfriend. Though, that wasn’t really working especially as Clarke had spent every night at Polis Hill House since Lexa had returned. 

The blonde swallowed down the words and bit down on her tongue hard enough that the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. Once she trusted herself not to break her self-imposed silence, she tread into the kitchen and relinquished the plates from Lexa with trembling hands. Lexa blinked in surprise at her sudden appearance, but her expression quickly contorted to one filled with concern and worry when she saw Clarke’s unsteady hands. 

Lexa opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but Clarke simply took a deep breath and forced a smile, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll dish up?” 

“I’ve got it, don’t worry.” Lexa replied, dismissing Clarke’s offer and minor insistence with a casual shrug before she limped past the blonde to attend to the pancake currently on the hob. Clarke’s knuckles turned white on the edge of the plates as Lexa let out sharp exhaled breaths to disguise winces of pain. 

_ This can’t go on. _

Breakfast past in a similar manner to last Sunday, sans Raven’s rolled eyes and indignant huffs, and Clarke should have adored it. Adored how Aden had fully returned to the charming young boy he was, to being exuberant and excited about baseball that morning. Adored Lexa sending her sweet smiles and light caresses of her hand over the table. 

Unfortunately, all Clarke was aware of was the pained grimaces Lexa continuously tried to hide whenever she thought Clarke and Aden weren’t looking.

* * *

“Do you want to trade?” Raven offered with a playful smirk aimed at Clarke over the top of her cup of coffee.

“Tempting…”, Clarke replied with a huffed out breath as she swirled the remnants of her own coffee around and around dismally. 

It was Monday evening, Clarke had returned to her apartment to collect more clothes and check in on how Raven was doing with her own patient/girlfriend. The two best friends had greeted each other with warm hugs and fell onto the sofa for a long overdue catch-up. Anya had been released from hospital a couple of days ago, also under the orders of bed rest, and she was currently napping in Raven’s room. 

Unlike Clarke, it would appear Raven had absolutely no qualms about ordering Anya around.

“Trust me, you have the far better end of the deal.” Raven declared with a firm nod.

Clarke tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow at that statement, “How do you mean?”

“Okay, you need to keep this on the down low…” Raven whispered, leaning forward, her eyes wide and desperate as she pursed her lips as if on the edge of revealing a big secret.

“The down low? Who even says that anymore? You really need to cut down on the number of nineties tv shows you watch.” Clarke muttered, shaking her head in exasperation.

“Hey, I don’t mock those trashy romance novels you read.” Raven bit back, pointing an accusing finger at her best friend.

“Yes, you do. You literally insulted me about them last week!” Clarke refuted, slapping the finger pointed at her whilst she shot the mechanic a dark glare.

“Well…”, Raven sighed woefully as if weighed down with a heavy burden, “Can you really blame me? Those things are ridiculous.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “What were you saying before?”

“Before you rudely interrupted my  _ impeccable  _ taste in television, you mean?” Raven grumbled petulantly.

“Raven!” Clarke snapped, “Just get to the point, already!”

“Jeez… you are on a short fuse.” Raven acknowledged with a minor wince; Clarke merely slumped down on the couch, and threw her legs up into Raven’s lap in response. “Right… Anyway,” Raven continued, picking up her original point, her voice switching to a lower decibel, “it would appear that my gruff, hard as nails, super hot  _ girlfriend _ ,” Raven’s eyes went dreamy and Clarke didn’t hesitate to prod her friend with her toe to prevent her from spiralling into a less than PG fantasy, “...is secretly the most pathetic human being ever.”

Clarke blinked and her mouth fell slightly agape.

She didn’t really know how else to react. 

“I GOT SHOT, STRANGLED AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HAD TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE WOODS! I HATE FUCKING CAMPING!” A croaky voice yelled out, not at a particularly loud volume but the anger and the attempt to be heard was extremely apparent, through the wall which sofa was backed up to.

“You heard the part where I said you were ‘gruff, hard as nails unbelievably, incredibly sexy’, right?” Raven called back pleadingly.

Clarke clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles at Raven’s panicked, red face. 

“Hmm… Get me a cup of tea and fluff my pillows... and I’ll consider letting you off.” Anya ordered with a slight whine to her voice which just made Clarke laugh harder. 

“At once.” Raven acceded, jumping to her feet to rush to the kitchen, throwing Clarke a look over her shoulder to mouth ‘pathetic’.

Clarke was about to tease the mechanic for being completely whipped when she heard a croaky, “Clarke. Come see me.” 

The blonde’s heart rate increased rapidly and she shot her roomate a terrified expression. Raven merely shrugged and helpfully told Clarke, “Don’t worry, if she kills you I’ll make sure she buries you somewhere nice.”

“Why am I friends with you, again?” Clarke asked as she rolled off the sofa and marched to what she presumed was her own funeral.

“Cheap car maintenance!”, Raven shouted at the blonde’s retreating back as she began boiling water.

Clarke mumbled her agreement as she turned the corner and approached the door to Raven’s bedroom. She hesitated outside for a long moment, acutely aware that she had never actually had a one-on-one conversation with probably the most important person in Lexa’s and Aden’s lives outside each other and that Anya had presumably overheard Clarke sharing her private relationship woes only a moment ago.

“Stop lingering and get in here.” Anya commanded causing Clarke to flinch, barely resisting the temptation to immediately comply. Instead, she forced herself to pause, take a breath and show she wouldn’t be pushed around by Anya, not matter how scary she was even when bed bound. 

She pushed open the door and walked inside. Raven’s room was a mess as always, clothes strewn everywhere, books half open with pages turned down, random pieces of metal and assorted trinkets rested on every available surface, some were even scattered on the floor like a clever thief trap. Anya was propped against the headboard with a pile of pillows behind her and keeping her arm elevated. The bruises mottling her neck and face had begun to fade and her normal resting bitch face had returned truly highlighting her improved state. 

“Sit down.” Anya prompted indicating a spot with her chin. 

Clarke’s gaze narrowed, wary of a test; she didn’t want to give in too easily and be seen as weak and unworthy by Lexa’s best friend, but she equally didn’t want to seem rude. Anya arched an intimidating eyebrow as the blonde remained immobile.

“Look, consider yourself in a grace period for the next month.” Anya muttered alongside a dismissive wave of her hand. Clarke pursed her lips and continued to stare suspiciously at the FBI agent she knew definitely had the capability to kill her, probably without even having to move out of the bed. Anya huffed a breath and elaborated, “Because of how you looked after Aden, I will withhold judgements or tests for a month then all bets are off and I am allowed to assess whether you are a suitable match for Lexa. Now, sit down. If I have to be bed-ridden for this talk, so do you.” 

“Oh, okay. Fair enough.” Clarke mumbled in astonishment, quickly shuffling forward to take a seat on the edge of the bed, recognising that this was probably the best offer she was ever going to get from Anya.

“Actually, this is going to be less of a talk for you and more of a listening exercise.” Anya said thoughtfully once Clarke had gotten settled.

Clarke considered responding but figured as soon as she did Anya would make a comment that would suggest she was clearly struggling with the task of listening already. Her guess was proven accurate when she spotted a flash of disappointment cross Anya’s face. 

“Lexa doesn’t accept help. Ever.” Anya declared bluntly, deciding to get right to the point knowing Raven would come through with her tea soon. “From what I overheard, you’ve already accurately guessed that she has had far worse injuries and trust me she was even worse at letting people take care of her then.” 

Anya, who had pinned Clarke with a piercing stare glanced away and bit her bottom lip, Clarke recognised that exact action and expression on Lincoln’s face many times previously. 

It made her want to and not want to know the cause in equal parts.

Anya cleared her throat and returned her intimidating glare, that was her normal gaze, back to Clarke. “You may have only been together a couple of weeks, but... “ Anya huffed a breath, clearly uncomfortable with whatever she was about to say next, “you’re good for her, for them. It’s serious. You get to say if something she’s doing upsets you.”

Hearing those statements from someone who knew Lexa and not her was exactly what Clarke needed to hear in that moment. Tears stung at her eyes and the minor self-doubt and fears that were plaguing her quietened down somewhat. They didn’t disappear, not by a long shot but they weren’t the loudest in her head anymore and that was a relief. It was easier to breath and all she could manage was a watery smile in gratitude to the agent who was watching her closely. 

“You get to say something.” Anya repeated and then remained silent until Clarke had fully recomposed herself, “But you should be wary that she won’t heed you on this.” Anya warned with a sad tinge to her usual frown. “On a good day, she’ll nod along and say she’ll try to do better, ask for your help more, take her medication…” Anya recited easily, and Clarke wondered how many times she had heard those things from Lexa. 

_ How many times had she watched Lexa refuse to take the time to recover? _

“But she won’t do it. She doesn’t know how to be taken care of. Doesn’t really appreciate how her being hurt, hurts us.” Anya said regretfully, almost hopelessly. 

“What do you suggest I do?” Clarke asked, finally breaking her silence.

Anya exhaled deeply and simply said, “Be there to pick her up when she falls down.”

“That’s it?” Clarke’s voice cracked, her eyes going wide and desperate.

Anya moved for the first time since Clarke’s entrance and reached forward with her good arm to squeeze Clarke’s forearm. “Please, try something else…” Anya encouraged even though her expression was bleak with regards to her view on Clarke’s chances, “just don’t take it to heart if it doesn’t work. Lincoln and I have tried for years, and the thing is… the physical injuries are the easiest ones to deal with…” Anya swallowed thickly to suppress some dark emotion or memory, Clarke understood it to be a bit of both, “it’s the mental ones that are the worst. Lexa knows how to hide those.” Anya retracted her hand from Clarke’s forearm, giving her a firm nod to indicate that they were finished before raising her voice to yell, “You can come in now, Raven!” 

THUD!

“Shit.” Raven grunted out after banging against the door. Anya rolled her eyes fondly and Clarke got a glimpse of a smile on the agent’s face.

Clarke smirked,  _ it’s not just Raven that’s whipped.  _

As Raven fumbled to open the door without dropping the cup of tea and trying to regain some cool composure, Clarke took the minor opportunity to whisper a sincere, “Thank you”, to Anya.

* * *

Clarke dropped her bag in the hallway, closing the front door behind herself before hanging her blue coat up on the hook next to Aden’s smaller red coat and Lexa’s black leather jacket. Clarke had left Polis Hill a little under a couple of hours ago, the Woods had been curled up on the sofa together watching Lexa’s most recent obsession ‘The Great British Bake Off’, Clarke had left strict instructions for the Sheriff to remain on the couch until she got back.

Clarke wasn’t even remotely surprised, upon wandering into the living room, to find the couch only occupied by the youngest Woods family member playing a game on the television. Clarke took a deep breath and fell into the seat previously occupied by Lexa, deciding she would take some time to check on the small boy rather than deal with the recalcitrant patient.

“How are you doing, Ade?” Clarke asked, watching Aden’s avatar jump from platform to platform with precision and poise.

“Good.” Aden replied easily, shooting the blonde a quick bright smile before returning his attention back to his game. “How’s Raven and Aunt Anya?”

“As snide and as cocky as ever.” Clarke responded with an exaggerated eye roll and groan which pulled a chuckle from the blonde boy. “Anya’s following doctor’s orders and is recovering well.” 

Aden side-eyed Clarke with a knowing look, “Ma’s doing paperwork in the study.”

“Of course she is…”, Clarke muttered in exasperation, shaking her head wearily. “I don’t understand how your Ma was in the army, and yet seems unable to follow even the most simple of orders.”

Aden snorted in reply but he paused his game and placed the controller on the coffee table in front of him before shuffling back into the sofa cushions and turning to face the doctor. Clarke raised an eyebrow at the small boy’s serious actions, propping her head up with her hand and resting her elbow on the sofa cushions to observe the young boy’s expression.

“Ma doesn’t know how to be looked after.” Aden whispered quietly, blinking up at Clarke with blue eyes that always looked far too old for such a young soul.

Clarke smiled sadly, “I know.” She tilted her head and pursed her lips, “Ade, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.” The boy replied earnestly causing Clarke’s heart to flutter with affection.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Clarke affirmed sincerely and Aden nodded in understanding. “You don’t seem…” Clarke hesitated to find the right word, “affected by your Ma’s injuries… how…” She cleared her throat trying to remove the itchy tightness that had appeared with the potential answers she might be about to hear, “How bad has it… uh… she been before?”

Aden stared up at her unblinkingly for a long moment, before ducking his head to watch his hands fiddle with a thread on the sofa, “It was worse.” He confessed with a crack to his voice.

“Ade-”, Clarke said softly, regretting asking him this question when it obviously caused him such turmoil. The curiosity and her inability to help Lexa in a significant way had made her ask without really thinking it through.

“It was worse because you couldn’t see them.” Aden continued, lifting his soulful gaze to reveal a deep melancholy. Clarke reached out slowly, giving Aden time to refuse her offer of comfort, and pulled the boy into a warm side hug. 

“Them?” Clarke prompted gently.

“The scars. Uncle Lincoln told me Ma had scars on the inside last time.” Aden explained with a pleading tone as if begging for Clarke to understand.

Clarke’s heart fractured upon hearing that statement, despite already knowing the truth of it. She had seen the shadows, the commander mask, the tremors and Clarke finally understood. To Lexa the physical injuries were child’s play, barely worth reacting to compared to the demons she was fighting in her mind. 

Clarke let silence settle over the two of them, keeping Aden close to her, honestly unsure if the hug was for Aden’s comfort or her own at this point.

“What she needs is a Ma of her own.” Aden commented thoughtfully after a long time of Clarke just holding him close.

“What?” Clarke questioned with a light laugh as she pulled back to look at the overly serious expression on the small boy’s face.

Aden tilted his head to the side and hesitated clearly thinking through his answer in much the same way Clarke had seen Lexa do in the past, “Before Ma, whenever I was sick I had to look after myself.” Clarke’s chest constricted as an image of a really young Aden, all alone with no one to care for him sprung to mind. Her arm that was still wrapped around Aden squeezed him tightly for a second and he gifted her an adorable lopsided smile for her effort. “A little while after Ma had adopted me, I got the flu and I tried to hide it, thinking I was too old to be taken care of or that no one would want a sick kid around.” 

Clarke wanted desperately to interrupt and tell him how untrue that was and how no matter how sick he got his Ma (and her) would always want him around, she managed however to keep her mouth shut and let Aden be the storyteller. 

“But Ma noticed immediately.” Clarke hummed in response, completely unsurprised that Lexa picked up on Aden being ill without delay. “She looked after me, stayed with me all day and told me that even before she adopted me that she would always take care of me, no matter what.”

“Mums are good like that.” Clarke agreed with a warm hum.

“It also helps that you can’t say no to them.” Aden added with a rueful grin.

“Oh yeah, that really helps. It’s like a superpower.” Clarke nodded fervently, flashbacking to the many times when she was younger that a single word from her mother could get her and Lexa to stop whatever mischief they were planning within a second. “Holy shi- sh-sugar.” Clarke gasped out, catching herself mid-swear. 

“What?” Aden asked curiously, seeing Clarke’s eyes go bright and wide as the answer hit her.

“You are a genius.” Clarke cheered, diving forward to plant a kiss on top of his head before bolting up off the sofa to her feet. 

“I am?” Aden’s brow furrowed as he looked at the doctor as if she had gone slightly mad.

“Yes, you are and don’t let anyone tell you differently!” Clarke yelled as she pulled out her phone and hurried to the kitchen to make a long overdue phone call.

 

* * *

Lexa’s leg twinged painfully but she ignored to continue reading over the paperwork she had sternly ordered Echo to bring over to her whilst Clarke was out of the house. Miller and Murphy had both refused to do so and Lexa was convinced Clarke terrified them more than she did, an opinion she intended to rectify when she was finally allowed to return to work. Emerson was never an option, leaving only Echo, who hadn’t had enough interactions with the town doctor to realise the danger of what she was doing.

Lexa had been working for a good hour when the door to the study creaked open and Clarke popped her head in with an overly jovial smile which took Lexa by surprise since she had expected a disappointed stare and a light plea for Lexa to return to the sofa and relax.

“Clarke.” Lexa greeted, trying desperately to hide the fatigue she was clearly struggling with.

“Hey, there. Back at work, are we?” Clarke inquired with a saccharine sweet voice.

“You know… just a little bit of paperwork… nothing too strenuous…” Lexa coughed out in response, a deep unsettling feeling taking over her as she saw that familiar spark of playfulness in Clarke’s sky blue eyes that usually preceded one of her signature troublesome plans or ‘good ideas’ as Clarke would prefer to describe them. 

“Aww, that’s nice.” Clarke said, a cocky smirk settling on her face as she leant against the doorway.

“Uh huh…”, Lexa mumbled, eyeing Clarke suspiciously an action to which the doctor merely raised her eyebrows as if in challenge, “Clarke, what’s-”

“Alexandria Woods, don’t you dare tell me you are working when you have been expressly ordered by  _ me _ , no less, to rest up!” 

All the blood drained from Lexa’s face in an instant and her stomach plummeted as Abby Griffin stepped into the doorway with the darkest, most threatening glare Lexa had ever witnessed on the surgeon’s face directed solely at her. 

“I was- err-... I mean… uh…”, Lexa spluttered trying desperately to provide any excuse that would reduce the effect of the disappointed scowl aimed at her.

“Bed or couch, your choice. But you will pick one and stay there until I tell you that you are cleared.” Abby strode into the study, picking up the crutches leant against the nearby wall and forcibly pushing them at the now rather timid Sheriff. “Do you understand?”

Lexa merely nodded meekly in reply whilst Clarke shot her a disgustingly smug smile over Abby’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Halloween
> 
> :) x


	29. Snapshots: Halloween

Lexa’s mouth twitched instinctively into a charmed smile as she committed the sight before her to memory.

Clarke had shifted across to Lexa’s side of the bed, pulling Lexa’s pillow into her arms to cuddle in lieu of Lexa’s warm body that she had taken to holding close throughout the night. A small pool of drool was soaking into the pillow, and Clarke’s golden hair was spread over her face, the regular puffs of breath causing the locks obscuring her features to wave back and forth.

Lexa thought Clarke had never looked more beautiful.

The Sheriff, meanwhile, was dressed for the day in loose trousers and a baggy t-shirt; she was no longer on crutches and was far more mobile despite being reliant on the use of a cane whenever she was out walking for too long. Lexa limped closer, leaning the cane against the side of the bed, before lightly perching next to Clarke’s slumbering form. Carefully, she reached out and brushed the curtain of blonde hair off Clarke’s face as gently as she could, Clarke’s nose scrunching up adorably with the tickling effect of her hair moving which made it impossible for Lexa to resist leaning down to place gentle kisses across Clarke’s jaw up to her ear.

“Mmm… feels nice…”, Clarke mumbled sleepily, as Lexa nuzzled her nose against Clarke’s right ear and left an open mouthed kiss just behind it.

“Good morning.” Lexa whispered, her words sending a pleasing shiver down the doctor’s body.

Clarke rolled over onto her back, squinting up through heavy eyelids at the brunette who was holding up her upper body with a forearm resting on the other side of the blonde’s hip, caging the doctor between the Sheriff and the mattress.

“Come back to bed.” Clarke ordered with an over the top pout that jutted out her bottom lip which again Lexa couldn’t resist diving forward to capture between her own lips.

As had become the norm between the two women, one kiss was never just one kiss, it always led to another and another and another. Both too weak-willed to end it when they still couldn’t get enough of each other, not after they had spent so much time apart pining, longing and wishing to be able to share moments like this.

It also didn’t help that Lexa still wasn’t cleared for physical activity, and they were both growing more and more desperate to lay their hands on one another with each passing day. Clarke wasn’t sure if them having slept together once already made the waiting easier or harder. It was easier in that she had the memory, which she had revisited far more often than she cared to admit whenever she found some alone time, to distract from their current situation but it was so much worse because Clarke knew exactly what she was missing out on.

Clarke’s fingers quickly rose upwards to fist into Lexa’s soft shirt, gently yanking her down to encourage her to make the last slither of space between them disappear and rest her weight on Clarke. “Clarke.” Lexa muttered trying to pull away, but Clarke’s grip turned white-knuckled and she began trailing kisses, nips and soothing flicks of her tongue along Lexa’s sharp jawline “Clarke, I need to go and you're making it very difficult to do that.” Lexa whined petulantly whilst her own hands betrayed her, choosing instead to slip under Clarke’s pyjama shirt to stroke her sides, thumbs hesitantly caressing the underside of her breasts.

“Where do you need to go?” Clarke demanded to know arching into Lexa’s calloused palms as she started to suck at one of her favourite places on Lexa’s neck, unable to generate even a modicum of guilt about leaving a mark, enjoying letting everyone know Lexa was most definitely taken.

“H-hospital…”, Lexa choked out, her breath coming out in fast paced pants, as her hands finally moved up that last bit of space to cup Clarke’s breasts when-

“Hospital!” Clarke yelled, pushing Lexa away from her so she could look her up and down, inspecting her closely for any injuries that might have magically appeared on the Sheriff without her knowledge. Lexa’s hands twitched with disappointment, falling away from the alluring warm skin as Clarke, who was now transitioning into a strange mix of doctor and worried girlfriend, shuffled up to lean against the pillows and headboard. “Why are you going to the hospital?”

“I made an appointment myself, I just have a few questions I need answered.” Lexa replied simply, lifting her hands up in the universal sign of surrender. Clarke opened her mouth to obviously interrogate her for more information but Lexa continued speaking, hoping to provide reassurance before Clarke felt the need to call in the nuclear weapons which consisted of Abby and Aden. “I sorted the appointment yesterday afternoon, but I didn’t have a chance to tell you since Abby and Jake didn’t leave till quite late, and by the time we came to bed we were both exhausted.”

Clarke pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Why couldn’t you have told me whilst my mother was here?”

_Of course, she noticed that. God, she’s too damn smart for her own good. She would make a truly terrifying FBI agent or cop._

“Because she would have told me that she could answer any of my questions.” Lexa explained slowly, feeling an embarrassed heat begin to consume her face.

“She _or I_ could answer any of your questions.” Clarke declared, emphasising her point by aggressively crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yes…. you both could.” Lexa admitted, the blush on her face radiating the heat of a furnace as she ducked her head and watched her hand rub Clarke’s thigh through the duvet sweetly. “The issue is I didn’t feel… er… _comfortable_ asking either of you.”

Lexa instantly knew she had made a mistake when she felt Clarke’s muscles tense up to match the properties of steel, she looked up quickly and saw Clarke’s face had twisted into a tight mask. Unfortunately for Clarke, but thankfully for Lexa, Clarke’s mask was nowhere near as impenetrable as Lexa’s commander persona, her eyes gave far too much away. Sky blue had shifted to a light grey of swirling sadness, that knocked away all of Lexa’s filter in her desire to fix the minor misunderstanding.

“I want to get cleared to have sex with you!” Lexa blurted out, without really thinking it through, just knowing that any awkwardness that would come out of telling the truth would be an hundred times better than seeing the hurt in Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke’s jaw dropped and both her eyebrows shot skyward but all Lexa saw was the colour flooding back into her eyes.

“I want to have sex with you.” Lexa repeated, stuttering over the words as she tried to coherently explain. “I would have asked you… but… uh…” Clarke tilted her head to the side expectantly, as Lexa began to wring her hands together shyly, “Clarke, you’re incredible but when it comes to me and my injuries, you err heavily on the side of caution. I’m sure if you had your way we wouldn’t have sex until all the bruises had faded and my wound was nothing more than a faded white scar.”

Clarke opened her mouth to argue but shut it almost immediately and Lexa presumed the doctor couldn’t actually disagree with her statement. Lexa genuinely appreciated everything Clarke had done for her whilst she was recovering, even if she thought calling in Abby was a particularly underhand (yet highly effective) move. Abby over the past couple of weeks had been the main person sticking by Lexa, making sure she wasn’t over-exerting herself, changing her bandages and generally just being there for her when Clarke was at work and Aden at school.

Lexa couldn’t even bring herself to admonish Clarke for bringing Abby in as a secret weapon because, honestly, Lexa had adored the time she had gotten to spend with Abby. Adored feeling looked after and cared for. Adored re-building that relationship with Abby that had been so fundamentally important to her growing up. The two of them had spoken a lot over the last couple of weeks, Lexa was still closed off about large swathes of her past but she enjoyed sharing her major achievements, always secretly pleased whenever a particular story produced a proud gleam in Abby’s eye that made Lexa feel ten feet tall even though she was restricted to lying on the sofa.

When the two of them hadn’t been catching up, sharing tales and recipes, they had developed a worrying addiction to reality television. Lexa’s pretty sure Clarke, Aden and Jake weren’t far off holding an intervention for the two of them especially since they had designated Monday’s as their ‘Bachelor’ night and would yell at anyone that would dare to talk when it was on.

Not only had Clarke brought back and helped to grow Lexa’s relationship with the person closest to a mother she had ever had in her life, Clarke had also stepped up to help the Woods in an infinite number of everyday tasks. Clarke dropped Aden off at school every morning, went grocery shopping for the whole house, cooked most nights, drove them to Aden’s sunday baseball, cleaned the house whenever something needed doing and generally looked after Aden’s and Lexa’s mental well-being as much as she could.

Clarke was incredible, generous and unfalteringly selfless; Lexa said thank you as much as possible and tried to show her gratitude with kisses, cuddles and kind words as much as she could. Clarke was more than worth fighting against every voice in her head that continuously told her she didn’t need help, that she needed to do this on her own, needed to be ready for when Clarke inevitably walked away again, needed to not become dependent on someone else. Clarke had proven herself, had given Lexa more than enough to drown out the negative words beating around her head.

Eventually, however, repeated utterances of gratitude just didn’t seem enough in Lexa’s opinion and she began to struggle intensely with the overwhelming urge to simply drag Clarke to bed and show her in absolutely no words how thankful she really was.

But Clarke, though she encouraged physical activity and everything that would aid Lexa’s recovery, she seemed _hesitant_ to move things forward between the two of them. Heavy make out sessions, whenever Aden had gone to bed or was out with either Charlotte or whichever adult had begged to spend time with him, tended to escalate until Clarke would all of sudden shut down, usually after Clarke’s wandering hands brushed past one of the more noticeable bruises or scratches currently littering Lexa’s body.

Clarke’s hand would freeze and retract from Lexa’s skin, and the Sheriff’s closed eyes would blink open in surprise only to see a familiar look of guilt on Clarke’s face. Lexa had seen that particular expression of guilt regularly throughout her childhood with Clarke as it tended to immediately appear on the blonde's face after being caught in the act of whatever shenanigan she had been working on that week. It was the typical expression of a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

It didn’t take long for Lexa to realise Clarke’s hesitancy didn’t come from her disgust or dislike for Lexa’s new scars as Lexa had begun to fear. It instead came from the fear that she was pushing Lexa’s recovery, or misinterpreting her level of recovery for her own self-interests. Clarke was afraid that her medical opinion of whether Lexa was ready to have sex again was clouded by her own desires.

“And then I couldn’t ask your mum!” Lexa continued, blushing a deep red that was almost purple when she imagined the conversation she would had to have had with Abby. “I can’t- I can’t ask your mum if I can have sex again because she would know I’m asking if I can have sex with her daughter… and that’s just… I...”

“Lexa. It’s okay, I understand.” Clarke soothed, shifting forwards onto her knees, so she was slightly taller than Lexa, her hands reaching out to gently cup the Sheriff’s face and stop the nervous ramble. Clarke’s thumbs stroked over Lexa’s cheekbones as she lowered her head so that there foreheads were resting against one another. “You’re adorable.” Clarke breathed out whilst Lexa’s own hands moved to wrap around the doctor’s wrists, keeping the blonde in position.

“I’m not adorable. I’m chivalrous.” Lexa huffed out with a childish pout, her thumbs tracing circles on the inner side of Clarke’s wrists.

“Chivalrous?” Clarke repeated with a coy smirk.

“Mmhmm.” Lexa hummed, her lips so close to Clarke’s that the doctor could feel the vibrations of Lexa’s reponse. “I don’t kiss and tell.” With that final mutter, Lexa leaned forward and captured Clarke in a searing kiss, her hands dropping away from Clarke’s wrists to wrap instead around her waist and pull her flush against the Sheriff’s torso.

“Okay… so…”, Clarke panted out, pulling her lips away when air became necessary for survival. Lexa, however, merely moved to, what Clarke was convinced was Lexa’s favourite kissing spot, her neck and lavished attention on the expanse of skin she found there. “You- You’re going to get cleared- OH… Uh…”, Clarke lost all coherency as Lexa sucked at a particularly sensitive spot Lexa had discovered during their first time together. “Then… we meet here tonight… lock the doors and don’t leave for anything.”

Lexa’s hands that had snuck underneath her pyjama shirt and had been in the process of mapping out Clarke’s back with teasing touches went still, palms pressing against her lower back to keep the blonde steady as Lexa’s lips left a single kiss under Clarke’s jawline before she leaned back to look into dark blue eyes with heavily dilated pupils. Lexa gave Clarke her soft, shy smile which always made Clarke melt on the inside and out, thankfully Lexa’s hands kept her steady and upright.

“Not tonight, Clarke.” Lexa murmured softly, with a sad yet slightly amused expression.

“What? Why?” Clarke whined, her hands which had moved during their make out session from Lexa’s face to her shoulders, squeezed tightly in complaint.

Lexa arched an eyebrow in bemusement, “It’s Halloween, Clarke.”

“That’s so not fair.” Clarke declared, dropping forward fully into Lexa’s embrace, her head banging lightly against Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa sighed in understanding and agreement, “Tomorrow, okay? It’ll happen tomorrow, I promise.”

 

* * *

 

Halloween had always been Clarke’s favourite holiday for two simple reasons: the candy and the creativity.

In all seriousness, Clarke blamed her father for getting her so invested in the holiday when she was a child. Jake would (and still did) go above and beyond when it came to decorating the house. Every year without fail, the entire front yard of the Griffin’s home would be transformed into a spooky set piece that was always drastically different to the one from the previous year. When Clarke was eight there had been a graveyard, complete with individualised tombstones and realistic hands clawing their way up through the dirt. When Clarke was fourteen, the yard had been transformed into a witch’s lair with bubbling cauldrons and assorted potion bottles. Last year, however, Mayor Indra had been forced to step in when the ritualistic cult setting was found to be a bit too disturbing for the children. Jake had promised, under Abby’s and Indra’s steely glares to rein it in a little for this year.

Abby was no different to her husband when it came to Halloween, though she would pretend otherwise, her interest and creativity though came to the forefront in the form of her signature handmade costumes which she would claim were merely a worthy test for her surgical sewing skills.

Clarke loved the costumes and decorations. Halloween, for the last ten years, marked one of the few ways that she had still allowed herself to indulge her artistic side following Lexa’s departure. It was an important holiday to Clarke, and her love for it had never diminished over the years unlike her feelings towards Christmas and the fourth of July.  

Upon moving back to Skyark, that first year, Clarke and Raven hosted a delinquent Halloween party that had since become an annual event. Over the years, the number of attendees increased as Clarke and Raven made friends outside their core group and as the other delinquents felt comfortable inviting their own friends, but the heart of the party remained the same: good costumes and light hearted fun.

But, for the first time in forever, Clarke found herself unenthused for the Halloween celebration.

She wasn’t giddy about decorating the apartment or eager to raid the supermarket to ensure her and Raven had the right amount of food for their guests. She wasn’t as thrilled to show off her costume to everyone who was attending. She wasn’t excited by the prospect of spending hours trawling through spotify to create the perfect Halloween playlist.

Clarke was far less enthralled by the holiday this year than usual for the simple reason that she wasn’t going to spend this day with the two people she wanted to more than anything.

Aden was too young to go to the Halloween party where it would consist of free flowing alcohol and no one in attendance under the age of twenty-two. Even if there was someone available to watch him (Lincoln was working the bar as he hoped it to be a big night, Vera was hitting the town with the rest of the Cronies, Anya was attending the party as Raven’s fully cemented girlfriend - Raven wouldn’t admit it but she was beyond excited to show off Anya - and whilst Clarke was sure her parents would have taken Aden in a heartbeat despite how much they adored running their own halloween attraction for the other kids), Lexa would never miss out on such a holiday with her son and Clarke loved that about her.

Clarke was also disappointed to discover that the Woods would not be partaking in any trick-or-treating.

She had always known Lexa had never been particularly fond of this holiday since she could never really afford a costume and she hated the scrutiny that came everytime she knocked on someone’s door for candy. As such when they were younger, Clarke used to go trick or treating early (after valiantly attempting to get Lexa to come along and failing despite Abby offering to make a costume for the young girl every year), so that her and Lexa could have a horror movie night (kids horror movies for the most part).

From what Clarke had gathered from Lexa’s plan for the evening it would appear the movie aspect of their childhood had transitioned to Aden’s Halloween and had become the main feature. When Clarke inquired as to why they didn't partake in trick-or-treating, Lexa admitted that her and Aden’s first Halloween together had come just after they had become a family. At that point in their lives they had been very wary about going out especially with the crowds and the masks in such a busy city.

Clarke didn't push for more information after that, accepting Lexa’s explanation with an understanding nod followed by a quick kiss.

The familiar flicker of darkness in Lexa’s eyes told Clarke all she needed to know.

“Clarke!”

The Doctor jolted back to reality to find the mechanic looming over her, brown eyes scrutinising her closely. “Jeez! Give a girl some warning, would you?” Clarke muttered, laying a hand over her rapidly beating heart following the sudden appearance of her best friend.

Raven leant back slowly, moving out of Clarke’s space as her brow creased with a quizzical expression, “Clarke, I’ve been calling your name and waving my hand in front of your face for the last five minutes.” Clarke blinked rapidly in shock at that information. “I’m pretty sure I could have snuck in a sixteen piece orchestra to perform in front of you and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

Clarke’s jaw moved as if to speak, but no words came out, instead her mouth contorted into a hard frown as she paused to remind herself of her surroundings and what she had been doing. She was currently sat on the sofa in her apartment that she hadn’t actually slept in for at least two weeks. The living room was half decorated with orange and black streamers, cobwebs and cartoonish monsters. Clarke had taken a pause in her decoration attempts upon receiving a message from Lexa confirming she had the all clear. From there, Clarke’s thoughts had ( _understandably_ ) wandered as she had fallen onto the sofa and lost track of all time.

“Sorry, Raven. I guess I just...” Clarke apologised, her voice fading out as she realised she didn’t have a reason for losing touch with reality so completely. Her thoughts had started with Lexa’s text and sprialled and drifted from there. Yes, there had been a couple of fantasies along the way but most of her imaginations consisted of her simply spending time with the Woods. Helping Aden make decorations, forcing Lexa into a costume (who would pretend to be annoyed by it all but would secretly love it under her tough exterior), taking Aden trick-or-treating for the evening and then returning home to consume all their hard-earned candy whilst watching ‘Hocus Pocus’.

“Want to be somewhere else?” Raven said plainly, and Clarke was yet again yanked from her daydream. Upon hearing her best friend’s insinuation, Clarke experienced a sharp pang of guilt twist at her stomach even though when she glanced at Raven’s face she didn’t see anything to indicate the mechanic was upset, instead she looked merely curious and bemused.

“What? No. I love being here with you. This is our thing and-” Clarke rushed to explain, her hands gripping her knees as she shuffled forward to the edge of the settee to be closer to her friend.

“Clarke, chill. I’m not offended.” Raven assured with her typical cheesy grin and light shrug of her shoulders.

Despite Raven’s unaffected demeanour and earnest declarations, Clarke still felt uncomfortable. For the last few weeks she had spent almost all of her time with the Woods and as such had barely seen Raven especially since everyone had returned from Azgeda. Clarke knew it wasn’t all her fault, Raven had been equally occupied with her own growing relationship but since Anya had returned to Washington last week to start desk duty, Raven had probably required more attention from Clarke recently than she had given.

“I mean… yeah… I’ve kind of missed having you around.” Raven admitted, easily able to interpret her best friend’s feelings by her downcast gaze after all the time they had known each other.

“Raven-” Clarke began, ready to promise she would be around more often.

“But you’re always there when I need you.” Raven continued with a determined edge to her tone that brokered no argument, her warm brown eyes were shining with affection as she stared into Clarke’s blue ones. “And yeah, we may not spend as much time together as we used to…” Raven continued, as she moved to settle next to Clarke on the sofa and reach out to take her hand, giving it a light squeeze, “but we have people in our lives now.”

“That doesn’t mean I should neglect our friendship.” Clarke affirmed with a quiet whisper, her head dropping to rest on Raven’s shoulder.

“You don’t and you won’t.” Raven insisted, shifting slightly to wrap an arm around the blonde’s shoulder and pull her tighter into her side for a proper hug, “You have given me so many people, Clarke.” Raven whispered shyly, resting her cheek on top of Clarke’s head, “I have family, more friends than I know what to do with and I’m falling in love. I wouldn’t have any of that if you weren’t my best friend.” Raven let out a light sigh and murmured as encouragingly as she could, “It’s okay for you to want different things as things change.”

Clarke let out a shaky breath, promising herself that she wouldn’t let anything ever jeopardise her friendship with Raven. They had fought too hard for simple neglect to be their downfall. “This is tradition. There’s nowhere else I would rather be.” Clarke assured with a firm nod of her head which jostled Raven causing a beleaguered sigh to escape the mechanic.

“Okay.” Raven mumbled, she didn’t sound overly convinced, in fact she sounded kind of disappointed.

“I’ll finish up here, then we can make drinks.” Clarke finally declared, turning her upper half to give Raven a hug before pushing herself up off the sofa and heading towards the pile of decorations she had waiting for her across the room.

“Alright.” Raven agreed, getting to her feet and pausing to stretch her arms over her head as she yawned out, “Hey, Clarke?”

“Yeah?” Clarke asked, glancing over her shoulder to see Raven watching her in the doorway, presumably about to leave to get the rest of the supplies from the store.

Raven tilted her head to the side, pursing her lips as she stared at Clarke with one of the most serious expressions Clarke had ever seen on the mechanic’s face. “All traditions start somewhere. Don’t be afraid to make a new one, especially when it can be better than the one before it.”

 

* * *

  
“Twizzlers?”

“Yes!”

“Marshmallows?”

“Hmm… too sticky.”

“Good point.” Lexa agreed, placing the pack back onto the shelf and shuffling forwards, leaning on her cane as Aden followed behind her holding up the basket already brimming with different candies.

“Fun-size Mars bars?” Lexa asked, picking up the bag and holding it up for Aden to inspect.

The blonde boy’s face scrunched up in distaste and he shook his head vigorously, “Aunt Anya says ‘fun-sized’ is a marketing tool created by the sugar industry to make you feel better about paying more for less.”

Lexa blinked slowly, unsure how to react to the spew of the words that had come out of her son. Part of her was proud that her son had memorised and understood such a concept, the other part of her was growing increasingly concerned with the number of ‘Aunt Anya says…’ Aden had come out with recently. She let out a sigh, throwing the bag back onto the shelf, already looking forward to texting Clarke later about Aden’s antics.

The morning had passed quickly in Lexa’s opinion, once she had been able to drag herself away from the doctor in her bed. Lincoln had kindly offered to take her to the hospital, ever since Lexa and Anya had returned Lincoln had gone out of his way to spend time with the two of them, though Lexa was convinced the bartender’s offer stemmed from his desire to drive Lexa’s mustang more than anything else. The appointment at the hospital was straightforward and Lexa was also pleased to learn that she would probably be allowed back out on patrol in a couple of weeks, the cane probably not necessary in a week or so.

Aden, meanwhile, had spent some of the morning with Clarke before Anya had arrived to take over allowing Clarke to head back to her apartment and help Raven set everything up. Lexa returned around midday with Lincoln, and the old friends headed over to Lincoln’s bar to help with decorations and generally enjoy each other’s company. It was mid afternoon by the time Lexa and Aden headed to the local store to grab candy for themselves and the trick-or-treaters.

“How about m&ms?”

“Ye-” Aden began to reply, with an easygoing shrug.

“Aden!” A familiar, cheerful voice rang out from further down the aisle.

Aden spun round immediately, his entire expression brightening as he saw Charlotte skipping towards him. “Charlotte!” Aden yelled back in greeting, putting the basket on the floor so he could accept a hug.

“Hi, Sheriff.” Charlotte said shyly, once she had stepped out of Aden’s hug.

Lexa shook her head fondly, “How many times have I told you to call me, Lexa?”

“Seventeen.” Charlotte replied without hesitation, a pleased smirk appearing on her face.

“Nice costume.” Lexa commented, nodding down at Charlotte’s attire. The young girl’s normally wild, curly hair was slicked down into two plaits on either side of her face, and she was wearing a simple black dress, black shoes and a small amount of make-up underneath her eyes to give a more ghoul like appearance. “Wednesday Addams, right?”  

Charlotte beamed at the recognition, “Yeah, that’s right. Most people don’t figure out who I am unless they see me with the rest of my family.”

“You’re doing a family costume?” Aden asked curiously and Lexa noticed how her son’s forehead creased up and his eyes went foggy with thought.

“Yep.” Charlotte answered with a pop, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. “Every year. Last year, we went as ‘The Avengers’ but Dylan and Mark fought too much over who got to be Iron Man so Mum said we had to do something different this year.”

Aden nodded his head whilst his shoulders seemed to drop ever so slightly.

“Will you be out trick-or-treating?” Charlotte inquired, giving Aden a hopeful smile which Aden struggled to return causing a tight, twisting sensation to appear in Lexa’s stomach as she observed the interaction.

“Err… no. Me and Ma just watch Halloween films…” Aden mumbled as he shook his head.

“Oh. That’s cool.” Charlotte effortlessly responded with genuine enthusiasm; Lexa was yet again amazed at how sensitive this young girl was to Aden, she had instantly picked up on his worry that she would judge him for not doing what the other kids were doing and rushed to reassure him. It reminded Lexa of how Clarke never used to judge her for what she did or didn’t do when they were growing up which other kids would have mocked her for. “What do you watch?” Charlotte questioned, her smile bright and her attention focused fully on her blonde best friend.

Aden settled quickly, his posture improving under Charlotte’s affectionate stare. Lexa wandered a little bit further up the aisle, letting the two kids chat away as she picked out a few things here and there that she balanced in the crook of her arm.

It was only a few minutes later that the rest of the Addams family appeared to collect their final member. Lexa sent Charlotte and the rest of her family a friendly parting wave as they headed off, Aden moving to catch up with his Ma after a moment’s hesitation.

It was that hesitation that unsettled Lexa.

When Lexa had first adopted Aden, she had been plagued with a deep rooted fear that she still struggled to combat to this day, that she wasn’t providing Aden with a good enough family. All she was giving him was herself and she was terrified that one day Aden would turn round and say she hadn’t been enough. Most days, she could push down that fear to focus on Aden above everything else, but in that moment she had seen it.

Longing.

Aden looked at Charlotte’s family with a longing Lexa recognised better than anyone.

It was how she used to look at Clarke’s family, at the Blake’s family and at pretty much every family at school.

Lexa let out a heavy sigh and Aden looked up at her worriedly, his free hand, not holding the basket, twitching at his side as if he thought she was unsteady and needed a support. “You alright, Ma?”

Lexa pursed her lips and glanced down at her son whose soulful blue eyes were shining with love, “Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa said softly, her hand reaching out to take the basket off Aden and place it to the side alongside her cane, thankful that the aisle they were in was free of other shoppers. With both of them unencumbered, Lexa could gentle pull the boy into a hug, bending down slightly to place a fond kiss on the top of his blonde hair.

Aden circled his own arms around his Ma and nuzzled his face into her abdomen. “I love you, Ma.”

“I love you, too.” Lexa whispered in reply, re-affirming the promise she had made herself that she would do everything she could to give Aden a happy childhood. With a final tight squeeze, Lexa leaned back and cupped her son’s face between her hands staring into his blue eyes with an assessing gaze. “Tell me honestly.” Lexa commanded, and Aden went stiff under the seriousness of the command. “Do you want to go trick-or-treating?”

Aden’s eyes went wide with a mix of shock and hope but he bit his lip clearly trying to think through the best response.

Lexa bent forward to place a kiss on Aden’s forehead, “I won’t be upset, okay? We didn’t go trick-or-treating that first year because we were didn’t feel comfortable going out at that time but… Aden, we’re safe here. I promised you a safe and happy childhood.”

“You’re giving me one, Ma, I swear.” Aden interrupted, his face twisting with desperation to convince her of this one fact.

Lexa smiled gently in response at the interruption but arched an eyebrow in a kind request for him to listen, “I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t tell me what you want or what you prefer.”

Aden frowned in response and his eyes went downcast.

Lexa understood why Aden was always so reluctant to be upfront about his wants from her own experiences. When she was younger, she would always hide what she liked or what she wanted, afraid that asking for something more would result in losing what she already had.

So she settled. She settled for everything.

Lexa never wanted Aden to feel like that.

“Aden, it’s not selfish to want more. I want you to ask for things.” Lexa declared earnestly, “Yes, I may not be able to give you everything you want but I want to know what those things are anyway.” Lexa tilted her head to the side and and confessed, “Aden, I’m not perfect enough to always know what you want so I need you to tell me.” Lexa’s hands shifted away from Aden’s face and rested on his shoulders as Aden nodded carefully though there was still a slither of uncertainty in his eyes, “And it’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to feel safe enough to want to go out and enjoy Halloween. It’s okay to find dressing up childish for a long time and then change your mind and want to do it.”

Aden gazed up at her with wide eyes, trying to absorb everything his Ma had imparted.

“So... “ Lexa said slowly, dragging out the word, “what do _you_ want to do for Halloween?”

 

* * *

 

**[Lexa] Do you still remember the most efficient candy collection route? xx**

Clarke stared down at the text she had just received from Lexa with mild confusion and curiosity. The most efficient candy collection route was something her and her Dad had created when she was a child to maximise the amount of candy she could collect on Halloween. Jake had factored in walking time, how generous each household was with their candy and how long each family took to answer the door. It was a comprehensive and well-thought out plan of attack.

**[Clarke] I have a copy of it in my room somewhere. Why do you need it? xx**

Clarke sent the text, juggling her red cup of beer in the crook of her elbow and tucking herself further into the corner of the living room to avoid being jostled by the party-goers. The party had started early to accommodate those that couldn’t stay late for whatever reason. Jasper had, thankfully, arrived early and had taken control of the music (that Clarke hadn’t found time to sort earlier), allowing a steady stream of good songs to play out in the background. Monty wasn’t arriving until much later due to working at the bar, and Octavia was also running late having wanted to stop by the bar to wish Lincoln luck and a good night. Murphy and Emori had turned up early, having booked in a babysitter months in advance, Lexa had offered to take care of baby Alex but Murphy had told her that he would being guilt her into babysitting as often as possible in the future so she might as well enjoy this evening of freedom.

Clarke had spent the majority of that first hour with Bellamy, mostly because he didn’t seem to mind how much she talked about Aden and Lexa. He was supportive and nodded along when most people would have simply nodded off. Anya had arrived, but other than a eyebrow raise of acknowledgement and greeting, she hadn’t spoken to Clarke, that was probably because Raven had been dragging the agent non-stop from person to person to introduce Anya as her girlfriend. Clarke was beyond pleased and reassured by how Anya didn’t once complain about Raven’s puppy like enthusiasm instead the agent seemed smug and totally smitten with Raven’s eagerness to show her off.

**[Lexa] Can you send a picture of it, please? Xx**

**[Lexa] Aden wants to go trick-or-treating and if I have to dress up, we better bring an ungodly amount of candy home with us to make it worthwhile.**

Clarke experienced a strange swirl of emotion as she read that final text. Her heart rate increased with joy and a smile lit up her face at the revelation that Lexa and Aden would be partaking in her favourite holiday. That joy, however, was rapidly undercut by the twist and plummet of her stomach as she realised that she wouldn’t be there to see it, to be a part of it.

_I am not okay with that._

_I am not okay with missing anything._

Clarke had pushed herself out of the corner and was slipping through the throng of people to get to her bedroom before she had even consciously decided to act.

She burst into her room to find Murphy and Emori enjoying a heavy makeout session on her bed. The Murphys sprang apart and blushed a blistering red at her sudden appearance, but Clarke barely even registered their embarrassment, she merely waved her hand at them and began digging through her closet wildly, throwing clothing and random objects over her shoulders without a care. Clarke eventually yelled out a ‘yes’ victoriously and left just as suddenly as she appeared; Murphy and Emori exchanged a bewildered glance between them before they dived back into one another.

Clarke stormed back into the living room and spotted Raven quickly due to her heavy duty astronaut costume. “Raven!” Clarke shouted, grabbing her friend’s arm and yanking her off to the side for some privacy, “I-”

“Have to go?” Raven guessed with an amused smirk as she took in Clarke’s frantic expression and agitation.

“I-” Clarke started to apologise, hating herself for abandoning her friend.

“Don’t be.” Raven insisted with twinkling brown eyes as she reached out and squeezed Clarke’s forearm, “I’m happy, okay?” Raven nodded her head over to Anya, dressed as Batgirl, who shot Raven a soft smile when she saw the mechanic looking her way.

“Still…”, Clarke began, knowing that today was the day that things would shift irreparably between them. Clarke was choosing to prioritise Lexa and Aden over her commitments to her friend, she was setting a new order and she didn’t want Raven to ever feel like she was being dropped.

“How about a new tradition?” Raven suggested with a cheeky grin, “The day after… whatever big event… we meet up for dinner and a catch up.”

“I like that idea.” Clarke agreed quietly, pulling her best friend into a tight hug, “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“You can count on it.” Raven affirmed as she rested her chin on Clarke’s shoulder and squeezed her in return.

 

* * *

 

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Clarke took a deep breath and stood back from the door. She had her own key but it felt right to knock, it felt right to ask rather than step in. She wanted the Woods to always have a choice with regards to her involvement at each step.

She wanted to be wanted and accepted.

“Aden! Are you ready to go?!” Lexa yelled from somewhere within the house, her voice getting closer and closer whilst Clarke’s heart began to beat harder and faster in the response. The door swung open before Clarke had a chance to mentally prepare herself and what she wanted to say.

“Clar-” Lexa began, her eyes going wide with mild surprise.

“You look adorable!” Clarke squealed in delight her entire plan going right out the window at the sight before her, her hands flapped wildly for a moment before they dashed to pull her phone out of her satchel with the intent of getting a photo. The sound of a camera shutter audibly marked Clarke taking a picture of Lexa pouting heavily in a bright, tiger onesie, her fist clenched tightly in annoyance around her tail.

“Did you seriously come all this way to take a photo?” Lexa asked, with an unamused shake of her head.

Clarke’s excitedness dissipated almost immediately at the light, teasing question. “Um… I… um…”, Clarke swallowed thickly and stared at the ground uncertainly.

“Clarke?” Lexa prompted softly, stepping forward to lightly grip the sides of the blonde’s Indiana Jones jacket and ducked down to peer under her adventurer’s hat. Lexa stared into Clarke’s eyes for a single heartbeat before that small, genuine smile appeared and green eyes began to twinkle with affection. “Clarke… would you like to come trick-or-treating with us?”

All Clarke could do was nod and willingly fall into the hug Lexa initiated, the sheriff peppering kisses over the doctor’s face as they embraced.

“Ma, I’m ready!” Aden cheerfully declared from the main hallway causing the two women to slowly release one another.

“Oh my god! That’s brilliant!” Clarke exclaimed as she took in the blonde boy’s appearance which consisted of a red and black striped shirt, black shorts, white shoes and his hair being spiked up in random directions. Aden blushed with pride at the compliment and rushed (as he now always did whenever he saw Clarke) to give her a hug. The second the boy was within reach, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, lifted him up and spun him round. Clarke carefully deposited Aden, who was grinning widely, back on the ground and looked between the mother and son, “Calvin and Hobbes.”

“Your mum’s idea.” Lexa explained with a dismissive roll of her shoulders. “This is Jake’s costume from when he did the front yard up as a jungle.” Clarke glanced down at the onesie, slowly recognising it and noticing how it did seem to overwhelm Lexa’s smaller frame.

“Clarke!” Aden excitedly called out, shaking Clarke’s arm that he had maintained a light grip on to regain her full attention, “You’re coming, right? You have to come! I was just telling Ma, how much fun it would be if you came with us. Ma says you’re the trick-or-treating expert and we both agree it would be more fun if you came. Right, Ma?” Aden’s spiel of words came out at a pace even Raven would envy and Clarke had to take a few seconds to register everything that the boy had actually said.

“Yes, sweetie. It would definitely be more fun if Clarke was with us.” Lexa replied at a far more sedate pace, shaking her head in exasperation as she mouthed ‘too much sugar’ at the doctor. “Why don’t you invite her?” Lexa suggested, flashing Clarke a cheeky wink above her son’s head who had snapped back round to face Clarke the second after being given permission.

“Please, Clarke. Please, come trick-or-treating with us?” Aden begged bringing out the puppy dog eyes that Clarke was now fully aware she was just as weak to as Lexa. Clarke opened her mouth to reply when Aden continued relentlessly, unable to see that he had already convinced the doctor due to his sugar rush state, “Next year, we can do a three person family costume so we all match, I promise.”

Clarke’s breath hitched and she would swear to anyone that asked, despite her medical profession, that her heart expanded to three times the size at those final words.

A promise of tradition, longevity, and most importantly _family_.

Clarke’s eyes stung with unshed tears and she looked over to see Lexa that still had that beautiful soft smile on her face. The Sheriff quirked an eyebrow upon making eye contact and nodded down to Aden who was waiting eagerly for her answer.

“Of course, I’m coming with you. Where else would I be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Christmas
> 
> I'm hoping people like these snapshots. I think they are better than just jumping x number of months ahead, right?
> 
> This way you get fluff overload.


End file.
